The Last Cartoon

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Toon Category: Fictional Big Toon

The characters finally retire from homestarrunner.com in style with a huge cookout.

Cast (in order of appearance): Homestar Runner, Strong Bad, Pom Pom, Strong Sad, Coach Z, Marzipan, Bubs, The Cheat, ...

Places: Index Page, The Field, Bubs' Concession Stand, The Big City, Computer Room, ...

Date: Someday indefinitely far in the future

Running Time: Undetermined

Page Title: That's a wrap you guys!

Script[edit | edit source]

Script in progress by Lira and Gfdgsgxgzgdrc.

{Open on the index page of homestarrunner.com, with Homestar Runner standing between the "come on in" and "watch intro" buttons. He is missing his usual glowy outline. A camera lens goes in and out of focus on Homestar for a moment. After a few seconds, he fidgets uncomfortably.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Okay, hang in there...

{During his line, cut to a reverse shot: a close-up of Strong Bad holding a blinking video camera with "property of kevin" written on it. The Field can be seen behind him, out of focus.}

STRONG BAD: Just a few more seconds...

{Cut back to Homestar, who fidgets a little more urgently, straining to hold still. Then a timer goes off.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} And that's a wrap!

{Wide shot. Homestar has apparently been standing in front of an index page backdrop, held up by supports in the middle of The Field, and Strong Bad has been recording him.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Alright! Strong Bad, we made it through our final shift!

STRONG BAD: I know! High five, man! {He holds up a glove to high-five Homestar, then seems to realize something} Um, never mind.

{The two of them start walking to the right, nearing the telephone pole with the time clock from Weclome Back.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: So how are you going to spend your pension money? I'm thinkin' of blowing mine on a big box of chocolate-covered cranberries.

STRONG BAD: I'm not getting a pension yet! My tumultuous career is just getting started! Give me two weeks and I'll be flying on a first-class jet plane to stardom!

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Gonna miss ya, man. Gonna miss ya.

STRONG BAD: {mock-choked up} I can almost say the same.

{They reach the telephone pole, and pull out time clock cards to clock out}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: I'm gonna miss this telephone pole. {punches card, then looks back at the pole, solemnly} Gonna miss ya.

STRONG BAD: Homestar! Hurry it up!

{Strong Bad clocks out and they continue past the pole. Cut to a wide, silhouetted shot that shows Homestar and Strong Bad approaching Bubs' Concession Stand, which has a ladder leaning against the back that Bubs is standing on. Pom Pom, Strong Sad, Coach Z and Marzipan are gathered in front. Cut to a close-up of Bubs hammering nails into a board.}

BUBS: {hits nail} Hup... {hits nail} hup... {gives nail a final whack} and-a hup!

{Zoom out. Bubs's back door is now boarded up, and the shop gate in front is down, with graffiti artwork of Strong Bad's head with teeth saying "GRAFFiTO'D" in a speech bubble. Homestar and Strong Bad join the group in front of the stand.}

BUBS: Well, that's it! The Stand is closed for business!

{Collective "ah"s and "oh"s and "aw"s from the group}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {maintaining his somber tone of voice} I'm gonna miss this stand.

COACH Z: Guess I'll have to go someplace else for my—

BUBS: {hurriedly} We agreed not to talk about that!

STRONG BAD: Hey, what gives, Bubs? Why you gotta close up shop so early?

BUBS: I'm lookin' to the future, Strong Bad! There's a whole frontier of possibilities out there! It's time to ship up and shally on!

MARZIPAN: Why the hurry, Bubs?

BUBS: {suddenly defensive and guilty} ...With no questions asked!

STRONG BAD: But—

BUBS: No questions!

STRONG SAD: So what are these new "possibilities"?

BUBS: Oh, I haven't decided yet. There's all types of positions open to a businessman like me!

MARZIPAN: Are you going to finally open a legal storefront and make a relatively clean living?

BUBS: {looks as if he's considering it for a moment, then:} Nah, I think I'll be an internet scammer!

COACH Z: Well, best of the luck to ya's! {to the group at large} Who wants to hear what I'm movin' on to?

{Uncomfortable pause. Shot of the group looking discreetly disinterested. Strong Bad coughs into his glove.}

COACH Z: {proceeding anyway} I've got a position in the Big Leagues!

MARZIPAN: {trying to be supportive} That's great, Coach Z.


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