Text Quests/1/FCUSA

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You Ugh, where are we?
??? Oh, hewwo! I'm Homestaw Wunnew!
You Nice try — wait, what???
Your friend What's going on?
You Oh. My. Crap.
Your friend What?
You Do you know what this means???
Your friend GASP!
Narrator It's true — our heroes have somehow landed in Free Country, USA!

What next??