Strong Bad's Disk 4 of 12/Match Em' Up! ft. Homestar
{A live-action case filled with 5 inch floppies sits on a desk next to an old computer. The disk in the front has a handwritten label reading "Disk 4 of 12". Strong Bad's gloves reach into the shot, open the case and begin rifling through the contents.}
STRONG BAD: {singing} When I check my email,
{Strong Bad holds up a disk labeled "Old Game".}
STRONG BAD: —there are some old games.
{Strong Bad inserts the disk into a disk drive and then types on a keyboard with boxing gloves on.}
STRONG BAD: Now I'm gonna play them for you.
{The monitor comes to life, showing a screen reading "Strong Bad's Disk 4 of 12". A disk reading noise plays.}
{Gameplay footage of various vintage games begin to play. The first shows a man in a giant cotton candy machine. He gets struck by a wooden beam and his head swells and explodes.}
STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Hello there, what's—NO! Wow! That is not what I wanted to happen!
{The game switches to a wrestling game where grayscale sumo wrestlers lie on the floor of the ring sleeping.}
STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Aw, it's baby Strong Sad taking a nap. {imitates snoring sounds}
{Game now switches to a toilet inside a shower. The showerhead is running.}
STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Turn this on. Spaghetti noodles that are uncooked shootin' out of there.
{Game now switches to a two-color game. A man in a swimsuit is standing at the top of a purple cliff and dives off.}
STRONG BAD: {voiceover, imitating Dangeresque} Looks like I'm gonna have to cliff-dive! Whoooooaaa...
{The game switches back to the first game, where the player confronts a giant bee.}
STRONG BAD: Do you want some cotton candy, bee? {The bee stings the player, causing the player's head to swell and then disappear entirely} Nope, you want to kill me still.
{The game is now a primitive dungeon crawler where the player is holding a sword. The player leaves a room into a hallway.}
STRONG BAD: {voiceover} This game is about collecting crosses, and turning vermin—
{The scene cuts to another room where the player strikes mice, turning them into white mushrooms.}
STRONG BAD: {voiceover} —into mushrooms.
{The game is now a primitive Battleship game with three levels and a grid made of letters.}
STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Look at that battleship! That thing's amazing!
{The game switches to an athletic obstacle course game. The player is leaping over a row of barrels and takes a dive, causing one of the barrels to fly out from the row and break.}
STRONG BAD: {voiceover, singing} Full-body hoodie... whoa-ho-ho! Those are some accurate physics!
{The game is now a black screen reading "What Is Your First Name Captain? (Enter Your Name And Then Strike The Enter Key)".
STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Enter your name and then STRIKE the enter key! Strike it down with extreme prejudice!
{The game now shows a screen where the player is looking into a series of bright lights as the silhouettes of doctors look down. A heart rate line blips.}
STRONG BAD: {voiceover, laughing} What? That is an orange slice that's shooting out some... oil... slicks.
{The screen now does a checkerboard wipe. The game now shows a face on a monitor reading "Mayor Vincenzi" and "Hunter, We've had more reports come in of kids dying..."}
STRONG BAD: {voiceover} There's like a real-life old man staring right at me!
{The text momentarily changes to "...all were horribly disfigured like my... (gulp) ...my poor daughter." before the game switches back to the dungeon crawler from before. The player walking into a river and transforms into a yellow skeleton.}
STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Doo doo doo. Augh... wait, what?
{The screen goes black, with the text reading "Y u Drowned!"}
STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Why you drowned? I dunno!
{Cut back to the computer monitor, now inactive. The title screen for Strong Bad's Disk 4 of 12 returns with a beep and a disk reading sound.}
{The game's screen reads, "Player #1, Please Enter Your First Name And Then Strike Enter Key".}
STRONG BAD: "Player 1, please enter your first name." {typing} Oldenbut. {hits enter, and a prompt for player 2 appears below}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: "Player 2, please enter your first name." You know I gotta go with my all-time favorite, {typing} Bernau. {hits enter}
{The screen briefly reads "One Moment While I Generate A Game Board", then a game board consisting of eight rows (numbered 1 to 8) and five columns (lettered A to E) prints. A prompt reads, "BERNAU , What Is Your FIRST Choice?" A message at the bottom of the screen reads "Strike <F10> To Leave This Game".}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: "Bernau, what is your first choice?" I'm going with D7.
{Space D7 is revealed to be ROLEX CAMERA, worth $90.00. The prompt now asks for Bernau's second choice.}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Ooh, a Rolex camera! I know they're trying to fool me, but I know the match is at D8.
{D8 is revealed to be 6 PACK/COORS. The message reads, "SORRY BERNAU , But No Match". The board resets and Oldenbut is prompted for his first choice.}
STRONG BAD: Did that say a "Six-pack of coors?" "Oldenbut, what is your first choice?" Let's go over here to B6.
{B6 is VOLKSWAGEN, worth $5,500.00.}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: {The Show announcing voice} A horrible Volkswagen! {singing The Show theme} Doo-doo-doo!
STRONG BAD: Shut up. Uh, this thing's definitely at D4.
{D4 is MOBILE HOME.}
STRONG BAD: Mobile home?!
{The board resets; Bernau is asked for his first choice.}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: I'm going with A4.
{A4 is GOLD RING, worth $300.00.}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Gold ring! I betcha that increases my defense!
STRONG BAD: It's not that kind of a game, Homestar.
HOMESTAR RUNNER: They always try to fool me—I'm going with A5.
{A5 is TRIP TO JAPAN.}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Trip to Japan!
{The board resets; Oldenbut is asked for his first choice.}
STRONG BAD: Ugh. Are you always just gonna check the one right below the one you just picked?
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Yes ma'am.
STRONG BAD: Ugh. A2. Six-pack of coors! That's right! It's right over there! D8! Nice!
{A2 is 6 PACK/COORS, worth $3.15.}
STRONG BAD: {excited} Six-pack of cold ones! It was over there, at D8!
{D8 is 6 PACK/COORS. The prompt reads, "ALLRIGHT, A Match !! OLDENBUT, For $3.15 In Prizes, Guess My Secret Number <10 to 99>".}
STRONG BAD: Nice! "Oldenbut, for {laughing a little} three dollars and fifteen cents in prizes" — ooh! That's a cheap six-pack! — "guess my secret number, 10 to 99." You know I gotta go with 54.
{54 is "Sorry, Too High. But Still Your Turn."}
STRONG BAD: Still too high?
{The board now has spaces A2 and D8 missing. Oldenbut is prompted for his first choice.}
STRONG BAD: Okay, I get to go again. Uh, B6.
{B6 is VOLKSWAGEN, worth $5,500.00.}
STRONG BAD: That Volkswagen. Did I already do that?
HOMESTAR RUNNER: {singsong} I'm not telling!
STRONG BAD: {pained} What if Homestar's right and it's the one right below it? Aaagh, you got in my head!
HOMESTAR RUNNER: {smoothly} That's what I do, Strong Bad. It's allll mind games.
STRONG BAD: I'm doing it! B7!
{B7 is FRIENDLYWARE.}
STRONG BAD: D'awh! Friendlyware?!
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Haha! My turn! D3. An MX-80 Printer! Preeow.
STRONG BAD: Oh, man! That doesn't take this game at all!
HOMESTAR RUNNER: And let-me-think-about-it, D4.
STRONG BAD: I'm going with C5. Corvette! Yes! Alright! Gonna be an E...7! Friendlyware?!
{The board resets; Bernau is asked for his first choice.}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Ooh, now I know what that is. B7...
{B7 is FRIENDLYWARE, worth $49.95.}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: And E7.
{E7 is FRIENDLYWARE. Bernau is asked to guess the computer's secret number for $49.95 in prizes.}
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Ding ding ding ding ding! Whoa, Friendlyware costs $49.95?!
STRONG BAD: And thems 1983 dollars.
HOMESTAR RUNNER: "Bernau, guess my secret number, 10 to 99!" Uh, 23.
{A message reads "Congratulations BERNAU You WIN !!!" before every space on the board is revealed and the message changes to "Strike Any Key To See Your Prizes".}
TAKE ONE | SNORKEL & FINS | TAMPA NUGGET | TURKEY FARM | LOSE ONE |
SURF BOARD | BETAMAX | MX-80 PRINTER | TAKE ONE | |
BRICK HOME | CB-RADIO | CORVETTE | MX-80 PRINTER | SNORKEL & FINS |
GOLD RING | TURKEY FARM | CB-RADIO | MOBILE HOME | MOBILE HOME |
TRIP TO JAPAN | TAMPA NUGGET | CORVETTE | PATIO SET | GOLD RING |
BETAMAX | VOLKSWAGEN | LOSE ONE | BRASS BED | BRASS BED |
BRICK HOME | FRIENDLYWARE | ROLEX CAMERA | ROLEX CAMERA | FRIENDLYWARE |
TRIP TO JAPAN | VOLKSWAGEN | PATIO SET | SURF BOARD |
HOMESTAR RUNNER: "Congratulations Bernau! You win!"
STRONG BAD: What the crap?! You can just guess a stupid number and win the game?! Aw man. I coulda won a Betamax, a brick home, whatever a Tampa nugget is... and a turkey farm!
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Hey, check it out! The MX-80 printer actually followed my double-up style!
STRONG BAD: {emotional} You cheated me out of my turkey farm, Homestar! Least I got my six-pack of cold ones.
{End title card for Strong Bad's Disk 4 of 12.}