Strong Bad's Disk 4 of 12/Axeing Questions?

{A live-action case filled with 5 inch floppies sits on a desk next to an old computer. The disk in the front has a handwritten label reading "Disk 4 of 12". Strong Bad's gloves reach into the shot, open the case and begin rifling through the contents.}

STRONG BAD: {singing} When I check my email,

{Strong Bad holds up a disk labeled "Old Game".}

STRONG BAD: —there are some old games.

{Strong Bad inserts the disk into a disk drive and then types on a keyboard with boxing gloves on.}

STRONG BAD: Now I'm gonna play them for you.

{The monitor comes to life, showing a screen reading "Strong Bad's Disk 4 of 12". A disk reading noise plays.}

{Gameplay footage of various vintage games begin to play. The first shows a man in a giant cotton candy machine. He gets struck by a wooden beam and his head swells and explodes.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Hello there, what's—NO! Wow! That is not what I wanted to happen!

{The game switches to a wrestling game where grayscale sumo wrestlers lie on the floor of the ring sleeping.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Aw, it's baby Strong Sad taking a nap. {imitates snoring sounds}

{Game now switches to a toilet inside a shower. The showerhead is running.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Turn this on. Spaghetti noodles that are uncooked shootin' out of there.

{Game now switches to a two-color game. A man in a swimsuit is standing at the top of a purple cliff and dives off.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover, imitating Dangeresque} Looks like I'm gonna have to cliff-dive! Whoooooaaa...

{The game switches back to the first game, where the player confronts a giant bee.}

STRONG BAD: Do you want some cotton candy, bee? {The bee stings the player, causing the player's head to swell and then disappear entirely} Nope, you want to kill me still.

{The game is now a primitive dungeon crawler where the player is holding a sword. The player leaves a room into a hallway.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} This game is about collecting crosses, and turning vermin—

{The scene cuts to another room where the player strikes mice, turning them into white mushrooms.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} —into mushrooms.

{The game is now a primitive Battleship game with three levels and a grid made of letters.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Look at that battleship! That thing's amazing!

{The game switches to an athletic obstacle course game. The player is leaping over a row of barrels and takes a dive, causing one of the barrels to fly out from the row and break.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover, singing} Full-body hoodie... whoa-ho-ho! Those are some accurate physics!

{The game is now a black screen reading "What Is Your First Name Captain? (Enter Your Name And Then Strike The Enter Key)".

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Enter your name and then STRIKE the enter key! Strike it down with extreme prejudice!

{The game now shows a screen where the player is looking into a series of bright lights as the silhouettes of doctors look down. A heart rate line blips.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover, laughing} What? That is an orange slice that's shooting out some... oil... slicks.

{The screen now does a checkerboard wipe. The game now shows a face on a monitor reading "Mayor Vincenzi" and "Hunter, We've had more reports come in of kids dying..."}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} There's like a real-life old man staring right at me!

{The text momentarily changes to "...all were horribly disfigured like my... (gulp) ...my poor daughter." before the game switches back to the dungeon crawler from before. The player walking into a river and transforms into a yellow skeleton.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Doo doo doo. Augh... wait, what?

{The screen goes black, with the text reading "Y u Drowned!"}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Why you drowned? I dunno!

{Cut back to the computer monitor, now inactive. The title screen for Strong Bad's Disk 4 of 12 returns with a beep and a disk reading sound.}

{Open on the title screen for Axe of Rage, which shows an axe-wielding warrior.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Quick, Epyx employees! Run down to Muscle Beach and hire the cheapest Conan facsimile you can find! That we may trace him in glorious 16 colors!

{Flip to the copyright screen. It asks, "Do you want to use a joystick? (Y/N)"}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Whoa, look at... what appears to be a Gold Rush-era pickaxe, massacring the "E" in rage. Maybe Pickaxe of Rage wouldn't fit on the box.

{Gameplay begins. The axe wielder is on a primeval world with an erupting volcano, kicking a strange alien creature.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} That is not the type of bad guy I expected to find in this game. More like a sci-fi bad guy. From like, Manhunter New York. Boot! Boot! Boot! Who needs an axe? Boot!

{The sci-fi bad guy explodes in a cloud of purple smoke. The axe-wielder jumps over the river of lava.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Perfect track and field long jump form!

{The next screen appears with a flying bad guy.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Bah! Disgusting floating louse of rage.

{The axe-wielder falls into a pit.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Oh, well, apparently that was some sort of chasm.

{The axe-wielder respawns on the other side of the pit and begins kicking the monster.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} And not a smooshed, dead Gila monster.

{Zoom in on the pit.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} That's what I thought it was. That was pretty good graphics of a smooshed dead Gila monster.

{The pit is animated so that a head turns to face the viewer and speaks.}

GILA MONSTER: {Strong Bad voiceover} Ah'm not dead yet!

{Back to the game. The axe-wielder confronts a massive green caveman with a club.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Oh, it's Blanka! Whoa! Teet! Please turn around! Please turn around! Turn around! Get him! Something!

{The axe-wielder turns around, crouches and uses his axe.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Oh, there we go. Swipe low! Swipe low! Ooh, double axe handle! I love it! Whoa!

{The monster explodes in a puff of purple smoke.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} I turned him into a purple brain that got sucked into the ground.

{Another screen. The player is now a female sword-wielder and is confronting another flying bug, which explodes in purple smoke.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} I'll nit-comb you!

{The sword-wielder proceeds and enters a cave.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Whoa, into the cave!

{The sword-wielder is confronting another giant green caveman.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} But, wait!

{The sword-wielder faints on the previous screen.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} So much fairness. And knowing what's going on.

{The axe-wielder is now by a river of lava.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Okay. Here we go. Wait, what the... {the axe-wielder runs to the lava, but falls down when he gets too close} What, I'm not allowed to touch that? Is that supposed to be lava? Or like, a river of fire? That is clearly a red sidewalk.

{The axe-wielder reappears on the other side, where a giant purple dinosaur ambushes him and bites his head off.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Wah! That Barney-saur just ate my head and swallowed it whole! {The axe-wielder respawns on the lava and falls over} That was awesome!

{End title card for Strong Bad's Disk 4 of 12.}