Let's talk to transformer special! Homestar fanfic/Episode 2

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Strong Bad opened the email program on his Lappier, all the while humming a little tune. "E-mail my heart, and say our love will never die..." The first email appeared on the screen. It read: "Dear Strong Bad, I have been on a random item run for this whole week, and would like to know when you can do your next fix. As it is, I am working on planning my family's future over in The Human Village and have started to write up that proposal you gave me. I hope to be able to get that ball rolling, as well as passing it along to my neighbor." A few days later, Strong Bad had another strange phone call, this time from the intern of the Sprecher Company. "Am I on speakerphone? Because it sounds like a fax machine is running in the background." Strong Bad, with his usual take-no-guff attitude, replied "No, that's gotta be on your end. I'm the only one spitting straight fax here. And who are you anyway? Who dares to contact the house of Monsieur S.B. Kissmymuscles?"

When asked if the long-term effects of this act were at all known, he replied "What? No! To tell you the truth, my hand is a little sore. I can tell because my middle finger got warm. And the rest of my fingers aren't. So there."

The intern then identified himself as the same person who sent the email from a few days ago. Strong Bad answered, "What? Nah, I deleted that. It was some grade A nonsense. I've got no business in a place called The Human Village. I'm technically classified as a wrestleman."

The intern then tried to convince Strong Bad that he was the only one who knew about the joke, to which he replied, "What is a wrestlerman?" Then the intern explained how he had gotten the email from a friend. Strong Bad responded, "Dude, if that's the only email I'm getting, I might just get into the Human Village."

The intern then gave Strong Bad his acceptance letter, but then Strong Bad continued to wonder why there was a human village at all, wondering if there was a human village at all, and if he was about to be scammed out of a thousand bucks again. He re-read the letter and saw a small disclaimer that read "All statutes and vagaries have been made to be relaxed for parody, and the rules are such that we're not bound by them. Also, given that you're probably not a lawyer, you can't appeal this decision." After re-reading the letter, Strong Bad went to the Mad Hatter's tea party, fell in love with the mouse mascot, asked for some tea, and proposed to her. The mouse however, realizing that this marriage was a joke, rolled her eyes and rejected Strong Bad. Strong Bad then attempted to kick him out of the tea party, but the March Hare twisted his arm behind his back and noogied him until he cried uncle. Strong Bad made his retreat, yelling "Screw you guys and the lame literary classic you come from! I bet freakin' Strong Sad would enjoy this suckquake of a party!"

After going back home, Strong Bad felt "like crap." He said that he was going to sleep on the couch for the rest of the night, and asked March Hare, who was asleep, if he wanted to sleep next to him. The March Hare initially refused, but it wasn't long before he decided he would spend the night.

5 Years After the Party

After the party, Strong Bad returned to college in hopes of becoming a "real computer programmer". However, his interest in computer programming became nonexistent and he remained at home, continuing to play 80's PC games and listening to his Limozeen records. His brother Strong Sad came into his room and reminded him, "Hey Strong Bad, I don't wish to interrupt your existence of modest hedonism, but your 'check email' alarm went off."


Although he wasn't expecting to have to stop playing Quake II with some bored-looking nerds, Big Macintosh didn't mind. He removed his hoodie, stretched out his arms, and squinted as he peered through his glasses. After his gaze became accustomed to the harsh glow of the computer monitor, he read the email:

Hey, Strong Bad! I just wanted to let you know that everyone's favorite Lord of Destruction is definitely back in town! Oh sure, he may look like some guy who just threw on a crappy dragon costume and stomps around like a fool, but I assure you, it's the real thing! -- Dress-Up Donny"

Before Big Macintosh could reply to the e-mail, Strong Bad barged in and yelled, "What the crap are you doin' in my chair?! My chair!"

"Yeah, big guy, I don't know what you're doing, but I'll tell you what I am doing. I am reading my mail, because the mail ain't computer controlled, and I am getting all these hot/sexy mail forwards from people all over the world, because AOL! AOL! AOL! It's so simple, yet so many emails are still being spammed into my inbox, no sir."

"So let me get this straight. You've spent years thinking up big ideas that aren't relevant to you, and now you're going to do something about it, and you're using MY computer to do it?!" Strong Bad growled.

Big Macintosh nodded. "Yup."

Strong Bad waved his boxing glove at the uninvited guest. "Get out! Get out, get out, you worthless waste of life!" Strong Bad began to scour the room with one finger, grunting and screaming as if he were conducting an invisible orchestra. "Get out, I say!"

"Look, Macintosh, I'm sorry for how I acted," Big Macintosh said. "It's just that I was so upset when I saw the way you were moving around in the archives that I thought you were having a seizure or something. You were stomping around like a Tyrannosaurus Rex stomping around like a T. Rex stomping around and roaring--"

"I don't remember you or any archives. Please, shut face and haul butt outta here." Strong Bad pointed at Big Macintosh, then pointed at the door. "Two more people are gonna come in, and then this'll be over. So, drag butt, and do not breathe. Or, you know, turn your head. Anything. Okay, now get outta here!"

Much stomping, much rumbling, and much growling, followed.

The documents were stacked in a messy pile at the end of the shelves; the large one that looked like a half-man, half-mountain looking man lying on his back was most of them. They looked dusty, as if that mountain might not have been very clean in the recent past. That mountain of a man was Strong Mad, who was napping amidst a pile of unchecked e-mails. Strong Bad nudged his no-neck sibling to wake him. "Hey, Graw Mad. Want to help me bring this fine fanfiction adventure to a close?"

"What are you doing?"


"Listen, I said I would get these things done for you."

"Yes, we're both nice, but this is sort of a one-way street."

"Hey, I don't mind." Strong Mad sighed. "I was just thinking about how great it's going to be to just set aside this stuff and travel. I've been waiting forever for this."

"What do you mean you've been waiting forever?"

"A long time. I joined Homestuck back when it first started. Was this dream of mine going to go unanswered? This stupid thing has been going on for years and I still don't understand half the plot."

Strong Bad sighed. "I see GPT-2's got you speaking in complete sentences again. And apparently you're a Homestuck fan, of all things." He looked up to the top of the screen. "The Paper, would you put this meandering email to bed?" Strong Bad pointed at the menu. "All the bugs have been fixed, and I've got an update for everyone who's waited long enough. Here's the link." Strong Bad clicked and the website opened.

"To get the new update, you need to log in with your logins for XD, GW, and HN. Then, when you're in your signature field, click 'Send new version to private chat', and it will take you to that one."

"Not to be rude or anything, but what is the update?"

"The update brings the show to a new location! And adds many new features!"

Strong Bad turns to the camera and says, "I gotta take care of this business. You take care of yourselves out there." The Paper comes down as it always does, reading "I'm a creep."

Promo Images


Note: An interesting thing happens when you go to the Strong Bad/Mystery Box page and start clicking the image links. Every now and then you'll see a page of screenshots where the page changes to "Theorem of Physics". The photos of the objects are swapped, or the objects have moved to different photos. For example, with both The Paper and Cool Motion, the photos are rotated 180 degrees. Weird!


There are other easter eggs on the page.