Inanimate Objects in Decidedly Non-Inanimate Situations/Episode 11

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Description: Epic cheating at mini-golf PRANK! (GONE WRONG) (HOMESTARMY CALLED)

Transcript[edit | edit source]

{The scene opens with the five remaining objects chatting in front of the Stick}

HUMIDIBOT: I'm telling you, Bot and Scot Connection! We can't fail!

FRANK BENNEDETTO: You say that, but you must know that only one of you can be the winner when it comes down to it.

CARDBOARD MARZIPAN: He's right. It wouldn't be fun to see you or Scotty eliminated, but I gotta play to win.

DRIVE-THRU WHALE: All orders must be in grindcore scream form.

HUMIDIBOT: What do you think, Scot?

{Scotty Titi stares back}

HUMIDIBOT: That's kinda what I expected you to say.

{He wheels next to Scotty for a no-armed hug}

HUMIDIBOT: Even if we lose, we'll be best friends, cuz I'm Humidibot.

CARDBOARD MARZIPAN: No offense, but you're such a wet cheeseball!

HUMIDIBOT: {blush} Whoops.

{The Lappier skateboards in, displaying sunglasses on his monitor face}

LAPPIER: Whoooa! Totally 90's-ical!

{Some benches pop up under the contestants}

STRONG BAD: {singing} The teams are gone
So girl, let's go out to my neighbor's lawn
and set fire to some stuff
I'll bring Solo cups
I'm tired of this song so come on and vote 'em up

LAPPIER: Today we got FOUR votes instead of three.

CARDBOARD MARZIPAN: We've made it big! I'd like to thank the Academy!

LAPPIER: Let me show you the next cake.

{He wheels out a table with a covered cake. He whips the cover off and it is a Tire-shaped cake}

LAPPIER: {curious} A Tire cake?

FRANK BENNEDETTO: There's a note!

LAPPIER: {reads} "You make the rules and we'll break em! Yeah!"


LAPPIER: Well, it is real cake. So let's continue. First one safe is Frank Bennedetto, as usual.

{He tosses Frank a slice of cake}

FRANK BENNEDETTO: On behalf of the Homestarmy, I graciously accept.

LAPPIER: Let's see... Cardboard Marzipan, despite your controversial affair making the covers of all the tabloids, you received zero votes.

{The thrown cake splats against her cardboard}

CARDBOARD MARZIPAN: Yay! I suffered no consequences and learned nothing!

{Humidibot looks at Scotty and then back}

HUMIDIBOT: HEY! OH NO! It's just me and Scotty left!

{Scotty is silent}

LAPPIER: I gotta be straight with you, Scotty. You survived WAY too many eliminations, especially the three-way ties. Your stand-around-and-suck-out-loud act was amusing at first, but you have absolutely zero-point-zero main-character potential.

{Scotty still is silent}

LAPPIER: Scotty... you do NOT win by doing absolutely nothing.

HUMIDIBOT: Shock and horror!

{A piece of cake is thrown into Humidibot's mouth. The vacuum tube lowers and sucks Scotty in}

LAPPIER: Since Scotty is an imaginary friend, he'll be put up for adoption like all rejected imaginary friends.

CARDBOARD MARZIPAN: Is this a crossover episode?

LAPPIER: At Senor Cardgage's Adoptin' Patch!


LAPPIER: Today, we're doing something special. A game of mini-golf at Sweet Puttin Cakes!

FRANK BENNEDETTO: A fine recreational activity. I approve.

LAPPIER: Everybody... do you think the existence of mini-golf implies the existence of {slowing down as the screen darkens} a maaaxiiii-gooooolf?

{The objects pop into existence in the realm of Sweet Puttin Cakes}


LAPPIER: Grab your putters. The game is on.

{The scene cuts to Humidibot at the Wormhole. The 'bot holds his putter at the ready}

HUMIDIBOT: Here goes somethin'!

{He putts the ball, which passes through the Sherlock tunnel and approaches the hole. A black arm comes out of the hole and spray paints the ball red, which also slows it to a stop}

HUMIDIBOT: The Worm sure looks different today, doesn't he!

{The real Worm pops next to the unknown arm}

THE WORM: {speaking words that appear above him} INTRUDER ALERT

{The Worm bites the arm and a muffled scream is heard}

HUMIDIBOT: Your twin brother is very handsome, The Worm!

{Next, Drive-Thru Whale tees up at the Drive-Thru Whale hole. The two whales stare each other down}

DRIVE-THRU WHALE 1: Welcome to Blubb-O's!

DRIVE-THRU WHALE 2: Would you like a crusty bucket of rust?

DRIVE-THRU WHALE 1: That will be one brigand, drawn and quartered, ma'am.

DRIVE-THRU WHALE 2: Extra ketchup is worth two in the bush.

DRIVE-THRU WHALE 1: Would you like your suffering to go?

DRIVE-THRU WHALE 2: Thank you, sever your leg again soon.

{Pan left to see Cardboard Marzipan waiting in line}

CARDBOARD MARZIPAN: Is one of you gonna putt already?!

{Next, Frank Bennedetto at the Eh!th Steve hole}

FRANK BENNEDETTO: Good score, under par so far. I'm ready for more.

{He putts, and the ball was caught against the moving ground. However, a figure hiding behind Eh! Steve wields a vacuum and keeps the ball moving using the suction. The ball just barely makes it into Eh! Steve's mouth}

EH! STEVE: Eh! Steve!

FRANK BENNEDETTO: {does a double take} Wait! That was a dead ball, there's no way!

{He hurries behind the Eh! Steve, but whoever it was had got away}

FRANK BENNEDETTO: Red alert! Enemy has escaped from sight!

{He rushes to the next hole}

WHEELCHAIR: {peeking in} Eh! Steve, this blatant rapscallionery had better not be related to youuuuuu!

{Next, Cardboard Marzipan steps up to the infamous statue hole}

CARDBOARD MARZIPAN: Easy hole in one.

{She makes the putt. Once again an unseen figure interferes, batting Marzipan's ball off course with a familiar cardboard shark}

CARDBOARD MARZIPAN: Oh pooh! I missed!

{Frank Bennedetto sprints into frame}

FRANK BENNEDETTO: Enemy on your nine! Engage!

CARDBOARD MARZIPAN: This is too much action! I'm ducking out!

FRANK BENNEDETTO: {running past her} Oo-rah!

{He dives towards the figure behind the Wheelchair statue, who runs for his life}

FRANK BENNEDETTO: Unit is in pursuit!


{Frank chases the figure all over the mini-golf course, pushing his way past Humidibot and the Drive-Thru Whale in the process}

HUMIDIBOT: Be careful! Running is dangerous!

DRIVE-THRU WHALE: Blubb-O's is not responsible for the apocalypse.

{The figure eventually jumps into the blue family recreation water}

FRANK BENNEDETTO: Initiating water pursuit!

{Frank dives down into the pool and swims after the figure. Just when it seemed like they would escape, Frank catches up and does a CQC takedown on the enemy... Bear Holding a Shark}

FRANK BENNEDETTO: Stand down. You are now a prisoner of war of the Homestarmy.

(The Bear Holding a Shark growls and pulls out a Strong Badian flag t-shirt and gives it to Frank}

FRANK BENNEDETTO: ...What are you implying?

{The Bear Holding a Shark made tracks while Frank was pondering the gesture}

FRANK BENNEDETTO: {whips his head} Why you!...He got away.

{The Lappier hops into the frame, followed by the other contestants}

LAPPIER: Well, this is a rotten stinking kettle of fish. The competition has been utterly derailed.


LAPPIER: I'm afraid I'll have to declare a no contest.

CARDBOARD MARZIPAN: What's that mean?

LAPPIER: Everybody is up for elimination. Frank Bennedetto, Drive-Thru Whale, Humidibot and Cardboard Marzipan. Your vote counts now more than ever!

{The post-credits scene takes place in Senor Cardgage's barbed wired Adoptin' Patch}

SENOR CARDGAGE: Mind the broken grass, Barbara Nice. The gleaming lady will crumb by in a scant.

{Scotty floats into the building, only to run into Frishy Freshy Dragon Man}

FRISHY FRESHY DRAGON MAN: {averts his gaze} ...Oh. Awkward to meet you again.

{Scotty stares forward}

FRISHY FRESHY DRAGON MAN: I'm gonna... be over there. Peeow!

{He exits}