Homestar Runner on Scratch/lost/Script

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Before Gfdgsgxgzgdrc animated the unofficial Pixel Strong Bad Email lost, he wrote a script for it on Windows's WordPad application. This is not the original draft, as the file has been edited constantly throughout the making of the toon. This is a copy of the file as of the toon's release. Much of it was changed during the animation process, which is why it doesn't match the toon exactly.

Script[edit | edit source]

sb: looks like i'm gonna have to jump! (jumps into screen)
sb: hey, the cheat. i'm back from the dangeresque 5 filming.
sb: ...the cheat?
sb: the cheat, i need you to steal me a sub sandwich. hello?
ss: um, he's not here, strong bad.
ss: he told me he was going to his computer room to animate.
pbtc sb: i'll punch your face, you homestar.
pbtc hr: oh no!
pbtc sb: oh, look it's the cheat!
pbtc both: the cheat gets fifty pizzas!
sb: yeah, that sounds like something he would do.
sb: i suppose i could just check my email in the meantime. (sit down)
sb: email times... grumble grumble... email...
Hey there, Strong Bad,
Just curious, have you ever
gotten lost before? Any stories
you could share?
From some person in PA
sb: me? gotten lost? nope. no way, man. never happened.
ss: strong bad...
sb: why are you still standing there?
ss: i don't think your previous statement is entirely accurate.
sb: oh, really? how do you know?
ss: well, remember that time when you
sb: shut your facepile.
sb: okay, some person. maybe i've gotten lost ONCE before. but it was all because of the cheat. you see, one day i was taking the cheat for a walk... (cut to flashback)
sb: hey the cheat, do you think bubs noticed when we took his fundraiser candy bars?
tc: mehh-meh!
sb: good, i didn't think so either. let's go home.
5 minutes later...
(spooky woods)
sb: i don't think we were going in the right direction.
sb: i'm not sure, but i think our house is... this way.
sb: come on, the cheat.
tc: mmmeeeeehhhh!
(they walk and the goblin appears and dances)
sb: oh, look, it's the goblin.
sb: hey, i thought you only hung out here on halloween.
(dances)
sb: sorry, i can't understand you. i never learned how to speak organ music.
(eyes lowered, dances)
sb: well, we need to get home now. bye, the goblin.
(they come all up ons a road)
sb: ah-ha! this road should take us home.
(they walk... then it's old-timey)
sb: well, now we're really lost.
tc: meh-hmeh!
otsb: bah! what are you doing here, you red-gloveded buffoon?
sb: oh, um, i was just taking my the cheat for a walk.
sb: then we got lost.
tc: meh mehh meh mehhmeh.
otsb: you got lost, you say?
otsb: i don't believe this wrestleman and his yellow-beaked lizard!
otsb: you came to steal pies from my pie factory, didn't you?!
sb: what pie factory?
otsb: uncle strong bad's old-fashioned piematorium!
otsb: serving only the best pie in the entire factory/circus district since 1933!
sb: uh, yeah, that sounds great and all, but me and my the cheat here need to get going.
And even though stealing pies totally sounds like something i would do, i didn't come here to do that.
otsb: i am offended that you believed i would be tricked by your decievery!
otsb: therefore, we must duel!
sb: uuuuuuuhhhhhhh
sb: c'mon, the cheat, let's get out of here fast.
sb: let'sa go this way.
tc: mehmeh!
sb: whaddaya mean we can't go that way?!
tc: meh.
sb: oh. it's not in 3d.
sb: well, that's disappointing. let's go back the way we came.
sfx: peow!
(sweet cuppin cakes)
sb: well, this is unfortunate.
tc: mehzeh meh meh!
sb: you said it, the cheat!
sb: let's get out of here!
(vector)
sb: hey, it's my giant vector head! how's it going, my main man?
vector: WHAT IS UP STRONG BAD
sb: so... which way to free country usa?
vector: I DUNNO
vector: I GUESS YOU'LL HAVE TO STAY HERE FOREVER
sb: what?!
vector: JUST KIDDING, MAN
vector: JUST FOLLOW ME
sb: that's cool, that's cool.
vector: (turns around) TRY NOT TO A SPLODE
(storybook)
narrator: Then, the Strong Bad wandered all up ons the pranceytime festival.
homestar: c'mon, you ol' bug! fly like the wind! (falls off)
homestar: oh, hey, rondleman! wanna join our wet knee gumption club?
sb: no i dont wanna join any type club!
sb: how'dya get here anyways?
hr: i bo know. i pressed some buttons on that box-a-machine and i ended up here.
sb: so, where exactly did you get that machine?
hr: some wrestlem'n gave it to me some times ago.
sb: [eyes lowered] uh, homestar, you realize who you're talking to, right?
hr: (turns around) ooh! ooh! wrestlem'n! i knew we'd meet again!
hr: will you sign my star?
(pause)
sb: the cheat! this is it! we can finally get out of here!
sb: say, homestar, can we borrow this useless box a moment?
hr: no way, man. my very good friend wrestlem'n gave 'em to me for like fifty chicken nuggets!
hr: (confidently) i'm not letting anyone take it from me!
sb: how 'bout we give it to you for... one gray pie?
hr: oh goodness! gray pies are my favorite types!
hr: i'll take it. (pause) (holds up pie) i'll take twelve!
hr: (turns toward sb) don't forget to return that thing when you're done with it!
sb: i will totally, definitely do that. for real. (takes off)
hr: bye, rondleman! see you next year!
hr: (pause) man, what a cool guy.
(they travel through some time)
- homestar with a lump in his craw
- sb, pp, hr liftin grapes
- the kot talking to hatless hr and pom
- sb email on tandy
- email "cartoon" w/ old bushes
- hs and sb on island
- cz pp fight stone bridge
- drawing o' sb and yale prof.
- sbag4cp main page
- bug in mouth (in basement, sb with tape, homestar, bug)
- dvd fbi warning maybes? (w/ homestar)
- drive thru
- coloring soy is also murder
- hremail
- the field at night, dangeresque & sultry
- club technochocolate
- time travel email
- year without thnikkaman
- fan characters?
- soaa
- yonder website
- lost
- random future toon?
(they land in the field)
sb: we're back in free country usa! we're not lost anymore! come on the cheat. let's go steal me a sub sandwich.
(they walk off)
sb: i think i know why we got lost in all those alternate universes. homestar must've tampered with the quantum timesphere. but... how did the time machine work? it failed miserably the last time we used it.
tc: mehzeh merh.
sb: oh, you forgot to subvert the plasma radions. the cheat... you're fired. and, um... grounded.
tc: (eyes lowered)
sb: oh, right. sorry, little guy. you're hired again.
sb: now i gotta get back to checkin' that email.
(cut to 'puter)
sb: so there you have it, some person's pa. i got lost, went on some cool adventure, and left homestar in a boring field for 20 years.
ss: you know, sb, none of that story was true.
sb: what do you mean? all of it was true!
ss: (arm out) no, it wasn't!
ss: i was just talking about that time you got lost in our basement when you were five.
sb: strong sad, when will you learn that lying is wrong?
ss: but i-
sb: (quickly) get outta my house.
ss: (walking out) this is my house too...

easter eggs:

click homestar
hr: (standing in storybook) this is the best vhs i have ever rented.
-------------------------
click interdimensional
otsb: i say, the troll, i had thought that you only came here on the date of All Hallow's Eve!
the troll dances
otsb: curses and drat! i can never understand accordion music!
otsb: can anyone here tell me what c# means?
--------------------------
click years
(thyme box in field)
(moderntime dijjery doo peeks out of the box)
dd: hey you guys? where are you going? what year is it?
(the cheat comes and sends him to another time and runs back to sb)
----------------------------------
click boring
(basement)
sb: man, this was such an original email!
sb: going on a crazy adventure to some alternate universes,
sb: all because homestar was messing with an invention i owned...
sb: meeting my old-timey and vector self... travelling to the storybook world...
sb: that's totally never been done before.
(tc frowns)