Broternal Order Of Different Helmets/Last Time Tomorrow Yesterday Next Year Tonite with Gfd

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Gfd somehow gets a TV show where he talks about things. Insanity ensues.

The following transcript has not been formatted.

(We open on a BODH title card.)
Announcer: Tonight's 500th rerun of the Boom Boom Theorum will not be seen at this, or any time, so we may bring you the following United Underworld production.
(Fade to black, then fade to Gfd in a suit in front of a desk.)
{{gf}} Greetings, Earth. I would like to extend a heartily weclome to each and every one of you several billion viewers. Somehow I have my own talk show now! Not sure how I became a talk show host. I just woke up here at this desk, wearing a fancy suit. Maybe I ate too many restaurants last night. I mean, not just the foods, but the buildings themselves. Now I owe a lotta people money. Luckily that isn't much of a problem, because of my weekly Tuesday bank robberies. By the way, don't forget to support my weekly Tuesday bank robbery crowdfunding campaign! I use your donations to buy supplies to rob banks each week. For every million dollars you donate, I'll be able to use all that money to buy high-tech laser equipment, invisible cars, and cool bandit hats for my thousand-dollar bank robbery! And I stream my bank robberies live on my website, for all you fans out there. Including the police! They've become very interested by my bank robbing skills, as of late. Sometimes they arrive at the scene with dance music and disco lights, to make everything more exciting! The lights are red and blue and kinda spin around, which is cool. But the music isn't very good. It just kinda goes like "wee-oo, wee-oo". It's almost exactly like a police car siren. Some people have a weird taste in music. Wait, what was I talking about? Oh, right. I have a talk show now.
{{hn}} (Offscreen) Live from Strong Bad Studios on Tellybision Street, it's Last Time Tomorrow Yesterday Next Year Tonite with Gfdgsgxgzgdrc!
{{gf}} For our first celebrity-type guest, let's give a round of welcome to... pile of mashed potatoes wearing a 41-year-old sandal!
{Cut to a pile of mashed potatoes wearing a 41-year-old sandal. Cut back to Gfd.}
{{gf}} Ah, such wise words. For my next guest, I'd like to interview the star of the recently rebooted Caleb Rentpayer... introducting, JORN GARNDLE!
{The crowd cheers. Jorn walks onstage, waving to the audience. He sits next to Gfd.}
JORN GARNDLE: Thank you, Mr. Garbles.
{{gf}} Helscome the show. So, you came here to talk about your new movie series, is this correct?
JORN GARNDLE: Indeed. It is a five-part story about the nature of humanity and its instinctive—
{{gf}} Yeah yeah that sounds great. Anyway, tell us about the Caleb Rentpayer reboot! Will Tucksworth survive the next episode?
JORN GARNDLE: {sigh} Yes, Tucksworth survives.
{{gf}} Sweet! Tell us more!
Jorn Gandle: Look, can we talk about something else
{{gf}} Of course!
{{gf}} ...During this commercial break. Then we'll be right back with more Rentpayer revelations!
{Music fades in as the screen fades to black and the audience applauds. Cut to a commercial.}
{Marshie appears}
MARSHIE: Howdy, Jerome! You'd better belive it's Fluffy Puff Marshmallows Flavored Fluffy Puff Marshmallows!
The Sad Girl: That's...
The Sad Boy: ...redundant.
Marshie: {Flies onto the screen} Cram it, brats!
{Cut to a factory conveyor belt, with a marshmallow getting injected with a syringe}
MARSHIE: Each marshmallow is filled with all-natural marshmallow flavor...
{The marshmallow starts sprouting new marshmallows out of it}
MARSHIE: Resulting in double the marshmallow!
{Cut to a claustrophobic close-up of Marshie}
MARSHIE: It's like marshmallow squared!
MARSHIE: Just check out these scathing reviews!
{Cut to Gfd against a green screen}
{{gf}} You want me to do what?
CAMERAMAN: {offscreen} Just try one of these marshmallow-flavored-marshmallows. {throws one to him}
{{gf}} Thanks. {eats it} Umph... ooh... ARGH! The marshmallow flavor! It's like flavor upon flavor! It's too much! {marshmallows start coming out of him as he appears to inflate full of them} URGGH... MUST... STOP... MARSHMALLOWS... AHHHH! THEY'RE TOO MUCHHH— {marshmallows start erupting out of him, splattering the camera with fluff}
{Cut back to Marshie}
MARSHIE: Um, that's not what happens at all! Isn't that just grand?
MARSHIE: Now let's see even more reviews!
{Cut to Honstlar}
{{hn}} You know... they aren't half bad.
MARSHIE: Exactly!
{{hn}} They're two halves bad.
MARSHIE: Uh, heh, that's a funny joke, now let's move onto the next person!
{{hn}} I wasn't jok—
{Cut to SRMX12}
MARSHIE: {whispering}
{{sr}} I see, I see. Ahem. {in a fake voice} Fluffy Puff Marshmallow Flavored Marshmallows (trademarked) are a nutritious part of this balanced breakfast. I love them so much, I can't stop eating them! {normal voice} Okay, is that it?
MARSHIE: Yeah, that's all.
{{sr}} Well, can you at least let me taste the product?
MARSHIE: Not on camera.
{Cut to static, then back to Gfd's desk}
{{gf}} Well, Mr. Garndle left due to creative differences. And he wouldn't share his taco. So, now it's time for...
{Cut to a logo}
ANNOUNCER: Gfd's Genuinely Righteous Rambling from the Grippingly Great Garbles! The part where the host rambles about nothing in particular.
{Cut back to the show}
{{gf}} It's time, once again, for those long ramblings everybody knows me for. I'm not sure what to talk about exactly, so I'll start with the basics. Like my name! My name's Gfd, as you may very well know. Except that's not really my name. It's actually Gfdggh— Gfdsszzgggrrrghh— whatever. The weird thing is, Gfd is pronounced with each letter individually, like G-F-D, even though it isn't an acronym. If it was an acronym, though, what would it stand for? Great Fried Doorknobs? Graciously Frightened Doorknobs? Probably something doorknob-related. Those are cool. I have a doorknob as a pet. Its name is Dave. Its middle name, in case you were wondering, is Doorknob. That's also its last name. It's Dave Doorknob Doorknob. I take him for walks in the park, and he eats peoples' shoes, and barks at my neighbors. Anyways, more about myself. I have a fine head of hat, and a mouth fulla teeth. I call it my teethtangle. Or my dentangle, since "dent" is a teeth word. Right? It's appropriate, since about half of my teeth are dented from various eating-related injuries. When you eat as much as I do, you're bound to have a few accidents now and again. The third time I ate the entirety of reality, I bit the inside of my cheek, and it was all swollen for a few hours. Anyways, I call it a teethtangle 'cause it's like a fleshtangle, but without the flesh. 'S just teeths. As you can imagine, I have to get frequent dentist appointments, since my teeth is my entire mouth. And they squish when I talk, which is really weird. No one wants squishy teeth. Even though, admittedly, they're pretty tasty. You can chew on 'em without ever getting a toothache. Oh wait, that's gross. Nevermind. For the record, I do not support tooth-chew, as delicious as it may be, depending on how squishy your teeth are. Anyways, continuing... I once reprogrammed my Sega to make every game about me, even the games about how Nebraska never truly recovered from the Cold War. All 7 of them. I earned a degree in Business after I somehow made 4 major fast food chains file for Chapter 11 Bankruptcy, I shoved an entire universe into my hat, I'm the real reason why they canceled Invader Zim, don't ask, it involved Frank Conniff and a kiddy pool full of peanut butter, and I was named Public Enemy Number One in South Africa in 1995. And that's just a sample of the insane things I've done while wearing a kilt! You can find the rest in my new Book-On-Tape-On-TV-On-DVD-On-Dasher-On-Dancer-On-Prancer-On-Vixen-On-Demand series of autobiographical novellas; Suppository Pizza Pi. And now, our next guest, from Two Guys and The Games, Honstlar!
(Honstlar suddenly appears)
{{gf}} So, Mr. Waddler. Welcome to Last Time Tomorrow Last Year Next Week Five Centuries Ago Whatever with Gfd. The fourth installment of the successful Dangeresque franchise has just been released to theaters recently. You were lucky enough to portray the main villain in this work of cinema. Tell me, what were some of your experiences on set? And did you get to meet the unbelievably famous actor portraying Dangergsgxgzgdrc Johnson?
{{hn}} Um... Aren't you the unbelievably famous such-and-such?
{{gf}} I have no idea what you're talking about. {winks at the camera}
{{hn}} Yeah, you do. You played Dangegarble in the movie, remember?
{{gf}} I've never heard of that character before. {winks at the camera}
{{hn}} But you literally just said his name.
{{gf}} No, I didn't. {winks at the camera}
{{hn}} The camera guy is still recording. We have it all on tape.
{{gf}} No we don't. {winks at the camera}
{{hn}} Why do you keep winking?
{{gf}} I'm not winking. {winks at the camera} Anyway, Mr. Wadds, continue. Who is this mysteriously handsome actor? Did you do your own stunts? Did you have any input on the script?
{{hn}} You, yes, and I was the one who wanted to cast Onion Bubs as Dr. Layers.
(Crowd cheers)
{{hn}} He's not even here!
{{gf}} Are you sure about that?
(Onion Bubs is now on Honstlar's shoulder.)
{{hn}} Yeah? (Looks at Onion Bubs) DAH!
{{gf}} I'd like to welcome my next guest, Onion Bubs! Tell me, what is the secret to immortality?
{The crowd continues cheering}
{{gf}} Sorry, Onion Bubs, I can't hear you over the crowd.
{{hn}} No, he's just not talking. He's an inanimate object.
{{gf}} Ridiculous. Anyway, Onion Bubs, can I have your autograph?
{{hn}} I must say, Gfd, I'm quite surprised to see you resisting the urge to eat him.
{{gf}} Wait... he's edible? {conflicted and confused} Ohh... I wish you hadn't told me.
{{hn}} Maybe I should just get him out of here. {throws him offstage}
{{gf}} Hey! You can't treat our world's greatest onion being that way!
{{hn}} Why is Onion Bubs so popular?
{{gf}} You don't know the tale of Onion Bubs? I guess it's time for our next part of the show... Stories of Styles!
{Cut to a title card for "Stories of Styles"}
{{gf}} (Offscreen) In the beginning, there was darkness... No planets, no stars, not a single light in the-
{{hn}} (Also offscreen) Hey! What are you doing?
{{gf}} I'm starting at the beginning!
{{hn}}  If you start at that beginning, we'll be here all night!
{{gf}}  Okay, I'll start over.
{Cut to an onion farm}
{{gf}} Our story, you see, begins in an onion farm.
{{hn}} What kind of onion farm?
{{gf}} The kind where onions grow!
{{hn}} Ohhh, that kind.
{{gf}} This onion farm was owned by a simple farmer. This farmer's name? Bubs.
{A young adult Bubs walks through the onion garden in farmers' clothes}
{{bb}} Gee, I hope one day I can sell these onions in my very own concession stand. But it'll never happen. It's just a dream.
{{gf}} He looked over the onions to find one that was ripe enough... and lo and behold! One of them was riper than a pigeon on roller blades.
{{hn}} That's an odd simile.
{{gf}} Why? Roller blading pigeons are known for being notoriously ripe. I should know. Anyways, Bubs, being the mad scientist that he is, decided to perform some experiments on said onion...
{{bb}} If I pour some of these scientific chemicals on this onion, it may just mutate!
{Bubs pours the fluids on the onion, and black marks start to appear on it, resembling a face}
{{bb}} Hey, that looks like me!
(A crowd suddenly appears cheering.)
{{gf}} And thus, a legend was mutated into existence.
{{bb}} Now I'll just take this piece of brain from my head... {takes a piece of brain and injects it into the onion}
{{gf}} {voiceover} Then, something happened that no one could have anticipated.
{{hn}}  {voiceover} The onion came to life?
{{gf}}  {voiceover} Then, something happened that... only a few people could have anticipated.
ONION BUBS: I'm done with this! I'ma go start my own business! And there's nothin' you can do 'bout it, toothface! {hops away}
{{bb}} Did that kid just call me toothface?
{Onion Bubs hops through the Field and sees a sign reading "BUBS WANTED: Original Bubs nowhere to be found after egg salad incident"}
ONION BUBS: Hey, d'ya look at that! I can finally run a-m'business!
{Cut to Onion Bubs on the counter amongst the cheers of the crowd. Bubs walks in.}
{{bb}} Hey, it's my onion! Get outta here, onion! It's my turn! {knocks him off the shelf}
{The crowd groans and walks away}
{{bb}} Wait! Come back! What can I get for you fine gentlemen? I got snow cones! Hot dogs! Candy! Freshly thawed toes! What more do you want?
{Cut back to the stage}
{{gf}} And that's the end of Stories of Styles!
{{hn}} Great. Now what?
{{gf}} I dunno. The end?
{{hn}} Sounds good to me.
{The curtains close. "THE END" appears over them.}