Strong Bad's Disk 4 of 12/Those Back Treasures! ft. Coach Z

{A live-action case filled with 5 inch floppies sits on a desk next to an old computer. The disk in the front has a handwritten label reading "Disk 4 of 12". Strong Bad's gloves reach into the shot, open the case and begin rifling through the contents.}

STRONG BAD: {singing} When I check my email,

{Strong Bad holds up a disk labeled "Old Game".}

STRONG BAD: —there are some old games.

{Strong Bad inserts the disk into a disk drive and then types on a keyboard with boxing gloves on.}

STRONG BAD: Now I'm gonna play them for you.

{The monitor comes to life, showing a screen reading "Strong Bad's Disk 4 of 12". A disk reading noise plays.}

{Gameplay footage of various vintage games begin to play. The first shows a man in a giant cotton candy machine. He gets struck by a wooden beam and his head swells and explodes.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Hello there, what's—NO! Wow! That is not what I wanted to happen!

{The game switches to a wrestling game where grayscale sumo wrestlers lie on the floor of the ring sleeping.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Aw, it's baby Strong Sad taking a nap. {imitates snoring sounds}

{Game now switches to a toilet inside a shower. The showerhead is running.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Turn this on. Spaghetti noodles that are uncooked shootin' out of there.

{Game now switches to a two-color game. A man in a swimsuit is standing at the top of a purple cliff and dives off.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover, imitating Dangeresque} Looks like I'm gonna have to cliff-dive! Whoooooaaa...

{The game switches back to the first game, where the player confronts a giant bee.}

STRONG BAD: Do you want some cotton candy, bee? {The bee stings the player, causing the player's head to swell and then disappear entirely} Nope, you want to kill me still.

{The game is now a primitive dungeon crawler where the player is holding a sword. The player leaves a room into a hallway.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} This game is about collecting crosses, and turning vermin—

{The scene cuts to another room where the player strikes mice, turning them into white mushrooms.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} —into mushrooms.

{The game is now a primitive Battleship game with three levels and a grid made of letters.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Look at that battleship! That thing's amazing!

{The game switches to an athletic obstacle course game. The player is leaping over a row of barrels and takes a dive, causing one of the barrels to fly out from the row and break.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover, singing} Full-body hoodie... whoa-ho-ho! Those are some accurate physics!

{The game is now a black screen reading "What Is Your First Name Captain? (Enter Your Name And Then Strike The Enter Key)".

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Enter your name and then STRIKE the enter key! Strike it down with extreme prejudice!

{The game now shows a screen where the player is looking into a series of bright lights as the silhouettes of doctors look down. A heart rate line blips.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover, laughing} What? That is an orange slice that's shooting out some... oil... slicks.

{The screen now does a checkerboard wipe. The game now shows a face on a monitor reading "Mayor Vincenzi" and "Hunter, We've had more reports come in of kids dying..."}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} There's like a real-life old man staring right at me!

{The text momentarily changes to "...all were horribly disfigured like my... (gulp) ...my poor daughter." before the game switches back to the dungeon crawler from before. The player walking into a river and transforms into a yellow skeleton.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Doo doo doo. Augh... wait, what?

{The screen goes black, with the text reading "Y u Drowned!"}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Why you drowned? I dunno!

{Cut back to the computer monitor, now inactive. The title screen for Strong Bad's Disk 4 of 12 returns with a beep and a disk reading sound.}

{Open on the title screen for Lode Runner.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Whenever I see Brøderbund, I think....

{Cuts to a scene from The House That Gave Sucky Treats, after Homestar calls Strong Bad in his Carmen Sandiego costume "The Spanish Inquisition")

EARLY STRONG BAD: Look, for the last time, I'm not The Spanish Inquisition, I'm not Cab Calloway, and I'm not Strong Bad wearing a yellow turtleneck! I'M CARMEN FREAKIN' SANDIEGO!!

{Cuts back to the title screen.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} See? That was back when I had that Mexican accent!

{The game starts.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Ladders! Platforms! I'm feel asleep!

{Strong Bad snores.}

{End title card for Strong Bad's Disk 4 of 12.}

TV ANNOUNCER: {quick voiceover as the screen darkens} Strong Bad's Disk 4 of 12 will not be seen this week. Instead we bring you: Coach Z's Disk 1 of 24, already in progress.

{A live-action case filled with 5 inch floppies sits on a desk next to an old computer. The disk in the front has a handwritten label reading "Disk 1 of 24". Coach Z's hands reach into the shot, open the case and begin rifling through the contents.}

COACH Z: {singing} When I chork my zmails,

{Coach Z holds up a disk labeled "Old Game".}

COACH Z: —dere are some old games.

{Coach Z inserts the disk into a disk drive and then types on a keyboard with boxing gloves on.}

COACH Z: Now I'm gonna play thorm for you.

{The monitor comes to life, showing a screen reading "Coach Z's Disk 1 of 24". A disk reading noise plays.}

{The game starts.}

COACH Z: Coach Z here, filling in for Strange Bad. I can't play a game for you. Instead, here's the music video for Fish Eye Lens.

''{The basement is dark. Strong Bad is asleep, half on the couch. Coach Z pops up from behind the couch.}''

COACH Z: {whispering loudly} Strong Bad! Strong Bad, wake up!

STRONG BAD: {mumbling} ...Blackthorne... {more mumbling}

COACH Z: The people need your help!

STRONG BAD: {suddenly awake and upright} Wait, the who?

COACH Z: I mean the pyorple!&mdash;

STRONG BAD: There you go!

COACH Z: &mdash;They need your help! It's been too long since they had a number one jam. They been scrapin' dope rhymes up off the kitchen floor, just to survive!

{Music starts playing.}

STRONG BAD: {increasingly complaining tone of voice} Another number one jam? All right, I'll do it. ...For the pyorple.

{Strong Bad jumps off the couch onto the floor as the scene transitions into a Powered by The Cheat music video.}

STRONG BAD: Woke up this mornin' in a rap song video

COACH Z: Can ya help me with my hip hop ditty, yo?

STRONG BAD: Well, Coach Z, that all depends

Can ya get ya green mittens on a fisheye lens?

{A synth bass plays two notes that resemble "Waughmp waughmp"}

COACH Z: I'm sorry, did you just say, "Waughmp waughmp"?

STRONG BAD: That's right! {smiling} And you know what that means:

COACH Z: I don't!&mdash;

STRONG BAD: Things are about to get... bulbous.

TOGETHER: Waughmp waughmp!

I bought a fisheye lens

And make a rap video

With a couple of friends

It goes, waughmp waughmp!

All the ladies and mens

They know everything is better

With a fisheye lens

COACH Z: Hey, that chorus wasn't kidding! Check out how cool my rap points look!

STRONG BAD: With a fisheye lens, you don't need to know how to rap, or skateboard, or do anything well!

Just put the camera on the ground

And aim it up

COACH Z: My kicks look huge

And my crew looks tough

STRONG BAD: We got bulbous hands

COACH Z: And bulbous feet

STRONG BAD: Turn your back to the camera

TOGETHER: Shake those bulbous cheeks!

COACH Z: Aw, look at that! I've got a considerable rear shelf!

STRONG BAD: That makes me uncomfortable!

TOGETHER: Waughmp waughmp!

I bought a fisheye lens

And make a rap video

With a couple of friends

It goes, waughmp waughmp!

All the ladies and mens

They know everything is better

With a fisheye lens

COACH Z: And once you use the fisheye

Well, you just can't stap

It used to be kind of expensive

But then the price draeerrrrrrped

STRONG BAD: {shouting, words overlap each other} I jumped in slow motion

Off the curb

Without a skateboard

That should look absurd

But with my fisheye lens

Hey, haven't ya heard?

I got the moves so smooth

Make ya mom say:

YOUR MOM: Those are some exceptionally smooth moves!

STRONG BAD: Coach Z!

COACH Z: SB!

STRONG BAD: Whatcha got for me?

COACH Z: I got the

STRONG BAD: F!

COACH Z: I!

STRONG BAD: S!

COACH Z: H!

STRONG BAD: E!

COACH Z: Y!

STRONG BAD: E! Lens!

COACH Z: Let's pretends I got ten girlfriends

And make amends in my Benz

With a fisheye lens

It goes—

TOGETHER: Waughmp waughmp!

I bought a fisheye lens

And make a rap videos

With a couple of friends

It goes, waughmp waughmp!

All the ladies and mens

They know everything is better

With a fisheye lens

STRONG BAD: Man, fisheye lens, I bet you could make even lame stuff look cool!

COACH Z: Yeah, yeah!

STRONG BAD: What about {singing} tax papers?

COACH Z: Oh, look at how cool those papes look!

How about a pair of tan pants!

STRONG BAD: Ooooh! Somebody say country dish towel!

AUDIENCE and COACH Z: Country dish towel!

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Ahem! I have an idea

Of what we could try

What happens if you point it

At a real fish eye?

''{Homestar points the lens at a real fish. The video comes to a halt with a splat. Using crudely drawn software menus, a mouse cursor applies a twirl effect. The scene spins as if down the drain. Back in normal styles, Strong Bad, Coach Z, and Homestar appear in the basement dressed in old-timey Dixieland jazz band outfits. Strong Bad has a trumpet with a plunger mute. Coach Z has a banjo. Homestar is holding a fishbowl with a dead fish floating in it. An SLR camera with a fisheye lens is submerged in the bowl. The music finishes in an old-timey flourish.}''

STRONG BAD: Aw, man!

COACH Z: Aw, dag! What happened to the honeys?

STRONG BAD: Bring back the fisheye! Homestar, you broke our rap song video!

COACH Z: You turned us into a Dixieland {drawn out} jazz band!

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Why y'all gotta be dissin' on Dixieland? I think it's great! It's got several syncopations. {singing, brandishing his hat, and kicking his legs} Several syncopations—

STRONG BAD: Awwwwwwwwwwwwwww!

COACH Z: {simultaneously} Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwweeehhorrrrrp!

{Strong Bad and Coach Z throw their arms up and exit.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {continued} —Several syncopations! Several syncopations tonight!

''{Cut to a closeup on the fishbowl with a "waughmp waughmp" sound effect. The word "eND" appears over the fisheye lens.}''

{End title card for Coach Z's Disk 1 of 24.}