Broternal Order Of Different Helmets/Christmas What?

Honstlar teaches Free Country about Christmas just as Mr. Dando forces the KOT to outlaw Decemberween. So it's up to him and the rest of the BODH to save D'Ween and Xmas at the same time.

Script
Christmas What?

{Fade into a shot of Honstlar's house decorated for Christmas.}

Honstlar: {Huming to the tune of Jingle Bells}

{The doorbell rings.}

Honstlar: Someone's at the door. It better not be that annoying Telemarketer's Witness again.

{Opens the door}

Gfd: Happy Thyme

Honstlar: Cousin! Come on in!

GFD: I brought you many assortments of style! {holds up an empty cardboard box} Honstlar: A cardboard box? You do care! Merry Christmas-I mean Decemberween! Gfd: I've been meaning to ask, Christmas What? Honstlar: Are you saying you don't know what Christmas is? Gfd: Yes. Honstlar: I call bull honkey for two reasons. 1. The word has been thrown around for years. {Cut to a montage of times H*R mentioned Christmas or Santa} and 2. I sent you letters every December back when I lived in Dockoville! Gfd: I always thought those were Decemberween cards. Honstlar: Look, allow me to explain. French Narrator: One Explanation Later. Honstlar: ...And then Santa returns to the North Pole to prepare for next year. Gfd: Oooooooh. stom: yeah and um well yeah GFD: Stom! Where'd you come from all of the suddens? HOMESTAR RUNNER: {walks in from the left, holding a sandwich, as he leaves the house} I've been giving him lessons on breakin' into peoples' houses when it's convenient. HONSTLAR: Sweet styles. GFD: {to Honstlar} So, is this where the phrase "Christmas lights" come from? I've always wondered why they aren't called Decemberween lights. EVG: Some people got upset at the fact that the former name used our King of Town's name in vain - he appears dressed as Santa with Poopsmith as a reindeer- KOT: Whats this about veiny body parts that should be filled with sauce? Honstlar: Poopsmith man you don't look so good crossdressing. (Poopsmith holds up sign saying "what?") Honstlar: Don't you know that despite the lies Rankin-Bass told you, Kingta's reindeer are actually female and therefore means Rudoplph was in fact- EVG: Who the actual giblets puts research into this crap? (Homsar and Cardgage apear, dressed as the devil in Santa Claus vs. the Devil and Chris Christmas Ridriguez respectively. Greg has also inexplicably donned Nostalgia Critic's outfit in the "I Love Christmas" song) Stom Pomer: Oh come on what is this, "Which Ween 2: THOSE Ween Costumes?"! It seems every time I'm here Greg has us all dress up! GFD: He's Edited Video Greg, he can only express himself in existing IP remember? SP: Ah EVG: Don't worry you guys don't have to dress. But I felt I should to explain: ....KOT complained about the name Christmas when he was The Prince of Town when he was around so we changed it. That's it. Honstlar: That makes no sense. Christmas didn't have the Thnikkaman! Christmas didn't have legal trouble with Listerine! PEOPLE WOULD NEVER GET AWAY WITH LOCKING THEIR BABY BROTHER IN THE BATHTUB SO THEY WOULDN'T EVER BE HAPPY ON CHRISTMAS! EVG: Woah, calm down. Honstlar: Sorry guys, I just get really angry about that kinda stuff. {Cut to a shot of a telescope looking at the events currently happening.} Gfd: You are forgiven! Mr. Dando: But, not by me. I always hated Decemberween. The whole dang season! I hate the Thnikkaman. I hate the mouthwash. I hate the blank media. And I especially hate the noise. Noise. Noise. If there's one thing I can't stand, it's al the noise, noise, noise, NOISE! but down in free country the broternal order were celebrating decemberween Coach E, New Dean, Stom, SRMX12, and EVG: Decemberween, Decemberween, your 55 days after Halloween! {Cut to Honstlar lying down outside the HQ} Honstlar: It's Christmas but nobody is celebrating. {Cut to Dando looking through his telescope.} Mr. Dando: I don't know what he said, but it probably has to do with the holiday. That's it! I'm banning Decemberween! {Cut to the King of Town who is wearing an "Anti-Sauce Joke Patch"} The KOT: You want me to do what?! MR. DANDO: You heard me, Kingy! Ban this terrible holiday once and for all! THE KING OF TOWN: Hmm. Well, I don't see why not! {bans Decemberween} Guys... did you hear that? It sounded like... Decemberween disappearing forever! Nooooooooooooooope! Actual Dean (who is BTW dressed as Jovie from Elf as she looked when working the mall): Well this wasn’t a big loss in my opinion. I mean, all you complaining about how there conflicting with this “Chris-mattress”, I mean just recently when I tried to get a Now Were just Desperate for Publicity Gingerbread Spice Lattee from Blubbos, they were complaining about no Thnikaman references on the cup. You do realize that’s just Bubs when sleepwalking right? What? Dude he ADMITTED TO IT last Halloween remember? Weren’t we all busy fighting off Trogdor from impeaching the Sauce Feind of Town? So what we does now? There's only one thing we can do... we must save Decemberweenstmas! How will we do that? First we need to figure out our plan. I'll make a list! {gets out a piece of paper and appears to scribble on it for one second, then gives it to SRMX12} {Cut to the paper} It just says "mayonnaise" repeatedly. Hey, we've got to have to stay nourished on our cinematic journey somehow! Luckily I've come prepared. {pulls several jars of mayonnaise out of his bowler hat} Yeah that's great. Isn't there anything else we can eat? That's hardly even a food. More like a condiment or a sauce. {poofing out of nowhere á la Donut Unto Others} SAUCESAUCESAUCESAUCESAUCESAUCE Now look what you've done. Where's an Anti-Sauce Joke Patch when you need one? Frenchy Narratorm'n: Later... Honstlar: Okay gang, we need to save the holiday and replace the holiday! EVG: What are you talking about? Honstlar: If we introduce Christmas to Free Country while we legalize the holiday that replaced it, we can combine both into a super Christmas! Gfd: I somehow understood that. Honstlar: Lets split up! SRMX, EVG, you guys will try to find out the specific reason Decemberween was banned so we can unban it. Dean, Garbles, you guys need to make a list, check it two times, make presents, and deliver them all in the Pill-mobile. Stom and Coachy, you guys will help me teach the rest of the people about Christmas. Let's go! Gfd: Okay, Newguy, let's see what we have so far. Newdean: The. {Cut to a piece of paper that just says "List"} Newdean: I got nothing. GFD: That's long enough. Now we just need to check it. One... two. Done! That was quick. What else? DEAN: Now we just need to deliver presents. GFD: Luckily, I just happen to come prepa— DEAN: NOT A BOWLER HAT OF MAYONNAISE. Dean: The short guy said we need to use the Headquarters! Gfd: Oh. Well, it's a good thing I brought the keys! {Pulls out a VCR remote.} Dean: That's a remote, not keys Gfd: What's the difference? Narrator: Meanwhile... SRMX12: Ok, I'm searching for anything relating to the ban. What are you doing? EVG: Binge-watching Kill La Kill. EVG: Just gonna mute it so Pom Pom doesn't see and-where's the remote. {Pulls out a universal remote} EVG: There it is. {Mutes it.} SRMX12: Didn't Pom Pom move out? EVG: Oh right. {Turns it up} TV: DON'T LOSE YOUR WAY!!!!!!! SRMX12: STOP IT! EVG: Sorry. {Turns it down.} {clicks a button on the remote and the basement door opens} Hey you guys. Got any presents me and Deany could deliver? Why do you have the remote? I like to keep it in my bowler hat for safe keeping, and just in case we encounter an ancient tribe of robotic television sets. I'm not taking that risk again! How many things do you have in your bowler hat? Let me get a list. {pulls it out of his bowler hat} 7,256, not including nonexistent items or objects that can only be seen in other dimensions. Gimme that remote. This show is getting boring. {changes the channel} C'mon, Gregley, we don't have time for shows right now! We gotta think of something to deliver to the peoples! Shh... I'm trying to figure out which movie this is. What is this? ...Oh, another meteor-crashing-into-the-Earth plot. So cliché. Wait! Gerg, you just gave me an idea! We give them meteors? No! We can give them the new and original board game, Guess that Channel by Boarelectrix Xtremeix! Dean: Xtremix? That's not a word, that's a hot mess. Hot Mess! That's a good idea. Oh no we already got into enough legal trouble with Hot Vanilla, I can’t do another nickel. Ok How does this board game work even? It’s like SceneIt you know what that is? Ah yes I remember beating my dad at it. Now leave me alone I got a bad movie to make fun of in this. Aw great lemme guess: Santa saves the meteor. Dean: I still wanna watch Murder the Murderer... We talk during the COMMERCIALS. Dean: This is the same tape we watch every year, you KNOW how the commercials go. We’re SKIPPING them this year. If you wanna talk wait until we watch Home for Decemberween again. Dean: I still think A Christmas Story is worse. WHAT DID YOU SAY, PUNK. Dean: It’s outdated and mean spirited Just for that no Vidlectrix Swap for you this year. Hey there’s an idea Wait! I-dea. THAT'S IT! {Pulls out a VHS} Eyedea Goes To Hell? Wasn't that the movie that inspired Haddiman: The Musical? THE VERY SAME! I liked Haddiman: The Musical. We are on a roll! We'll have plenty of presents for the big Christmas delivery! Narrator: Meanwhile. -And everyone tries to not eat the gingerbread house! Hey, where's Stom? That doesn't matter now Strong Bad: Question: What makes the pudding so "Figgy"? No one knows... Strong Bad: wait it’s not even pudding. Like Canadian bacon would be ashamed! (back at EVG’s man-cave section of the basement) EVG: so I don’t understand WHAT are we giving as gifts again? And are we even allowed to say hell? Yes we are, and we are giving all the stuff we came up with... and also some other stuff I bought at the supermarket.
 * evg What stuff

Like this gross paper clip. And this half a grape. People love those kind of type of sorta things! Well, can't argue with logic. I also have done some research and found out that on Christmas, people really like coffee cups. Um, I think you misunderstood those comments Oh, they also love weird clay Amiibos! {Pulls out an Amibo of  sigh   Sonichu} Mysterious Voice: CRAYOLA MODEL MAGIC! So what types of things we does now? Wrap them! Unfortunately, I only have one piece of paper, so we're going to have to cut it up into equal-sized pieces and tape a piece on each present. That'll work, right? Ugh Why do I always have to come prepared? {Pulls some conveniently Christmas themed wrapping paper out of his helmet} Since me, Dean, and Stom are the only ones with arms, we shall do the wrapping. Can we sing the Wrap Rap? NO! Thank goodness. { and   start wrapping the presents at breakneck speed} French Narrator: 5000 Gifts Later... We did it! Our butts are safe! Now, SRMX12, give me the info on the ban. Who banned Decemberween and why {walking in} Hey guys, need any help with arm-have tasks? I have arms, and can— {sees a pile of 5,000 wrapped presents} oh. Right. {peeking his head in from the left} I guess you jorbs don't need my help either, do you? Why would we need your help? {walks into the screen, revealing his costume} 'Cause I'm da RAPPING PAPE— {groan} Ahem, you guys! I'm supposed to be saying some lines here! I'm ready to reveal the reason why D'Ween was banned! Then spill the beans! It was because the KOT never got invited to play himself in the annual pageant. And who was the one who convinced Kingy-Ding to ban D'Ween, none other than MR. DANDO! Frickin' Dando! { raises his head to the ceiling.} DANDO!!!!!!!!! Honstlar's lost his head! {ba-dum-tss} {crickets} That was funny. What could have possibly convinced poor old Mr. Dando to do such a thing?! EERIE VOICE: Well, you crazy kids... {A portal like screen appears.} Grindolo: -It was me! Honstlar: Grindolo! I shoulda coulda woulda known! Ah! Grindolo! I still haven't completely figured out who this character even is yet! But wait. Since when do you call us "you crazy kids"? Could this means... Are you... JOHN CENA YOULL NEVER STOP STAR WARS EPISODE 9...as a bull!

just kidding

Grindolo: that’s right...I am (Reveals he is...live action Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle) It's Christmas Eve and all my friends are here We're wrapping up presents, it happens once a year AAHHHHH!!!!! Grindolo: Gotcha again! I wasn't anybody, I just wanted to throw you off! Why do you want to ban Decemberween? Grindolo: I don't like it. But why? Grindolo: Okay, that doesn't matter! It was actually Dando's idea. Well, Dando or not, we are gonna save Decemberween and sorta replace it with Christmas! Grindolo: Yeah, right. Is that a challenge! Grindolo: Yes. If you can do what you say you're gonna do in under 24 hours, I will stay away from the holiday for all of time, but if you lose, I KILL YOU! But you don't know the meaning of death! Grindolo: I do now! {Grindolo pulls out a book.} "Death for Dummies"? CRAAAAAAAP!! Grindolo: The deal is on. Good luck... {Grindolo disappears.} Still doesn't explain why he called us "you crazy kids". MR. DANDO: Oh, that was me. I was also here. Behind the black. You crazy kids. {disappears} That was weird. Well, we don't have much time left, Let's split up again! Dean, EVG, you two will track down the King and force him to unban D'Ween. You may have to morph into your "Ranger" forms. Stom, Coachy, now that the town is willing to change their holiday, you two will set up a Christmas party that everybody is invited to (Exceptfordando). SRMX, Garbles, you two will help me deliver the presents while dressed up as elves, I'll dress up as Santa. LET'S GO! Great! I'm practically dressed up as an elf already! This'll go smooth as silk! So wheres we going first? TO STRONG BADS HOUSE! {The Pillmobile turns into a sleigh with robotic reindeer and a hatch opens to reveal SRMX12 and Gfd as elves and Honstlar as Santa Claus.} Let's go-ho-ho! {The Pillmobile speeds off} Uh oh... looks like a promblem. The Strongs don't have a chimney. How will we ever break into their house and give them stuff? I think we may need a breaking-into-Strong-Bad's-house expert... {Homestar pops up from the bag of presents} HS undefined Did somebody say my name? REINFORCEMENTS!!— I mean Homestar. Homestar: Allow me, boys! {Homestar throws the present and it somehow materialises under his tree.} Honstlar: You're good, whitey! {Honstlar and the gang continue to deliver presents. Cut to the outside of the KOT's castle.} EVG: Commence Operation: Unwrapped! Dean: But what about the Poopertroopers? EVG: We can handle it! Dean: {quietly} That's only true for one of us. EVG: Huh? Dean: Nothing! {knocks on the drawbridge} {Silence.} EVG: See, nobody noticed. {Dean and EVG sneak in.} EVG: Shhhhh. Be very, very quiet, we're hunting royalty. {laughs} {Poopertroopers jump in from the ceiling.} Poopertrooper #1: Intruders Detected! Dean: Ahh! It's the Many Clones of Dr. Poopsmith! Poopertrooper #2: Prepare to suffer! EVG: Not on my watch. It's morphin' time! {He morphs into a non-catty version of Guido Anchovy} Grego Anchovy: You guys are going down-down! Right, Dean? {Dean is just standing.} Grego Anchovy: Come on, you're wasting time! Dean: I can't morph! I don't have a ranger form yet! Grego Anchovy: Then why didn't you say so? {He pulls out an extra morpher and hands it to Dean} Grego Anchovy: Just think of your favourite toku show. Dean: I got it! It's morphin' time! STRONG BAD: DWAYNE! {Dean shapshifts unto a pair of socks from Great Aunt Miltrudria} Dean: Oops, let me try that again. {The lightning thing from The BODH Goes Crazy Go Nuts happens.} Dean: SOMETHING THAT ISN'T AN INANIMATE OBJECT! {Morphs into a Pre-Cure/Sailor Moon type style.} Sailor Dean: Now this is what I'm talking about! Poopertrooper #1: Get them! {They start fighting.} Grego Anchovy: Batter up! {Grego grabs a Poopertrooper and holds him like a baseball hat.} Sailor Dean: And here's the pitch! {Dean throws a curled up Poopertrooper at Grego.} Grego Anchovy: SWING'D! {The "bat" hits the "ball"} Poopertrooper #8: OW! MY ENTIRE BODY! {They continue until all the Poopertroopers are destroyed.} Grego Anchovy: That's another one for the rekkid books! {The two demorph.} Narrator: Meanwhile... Stom: Okay, the waffle stack is finished, the lights are set up, the Santa hats have all the name tags on them, is there anything left? Don't we need invitations? Stom: Silly Erin, nobody sends invitations anymore, they send emails. Coach E: But isn't that the same- Stom: Shut up. All that matters is that everybody knows we are hosting a party Silly Stom, no one ever sends emails anymore, they send Tweets! Silly Honstlar, no one ever sends Tweets anymore, they send texts! Silly you guys, no one ever sends texts anymore... wait, what's everyone doing now? Technology is evolving too fast. What are you guys doing here? Get back to your jobs! {Honstlar, Gfd, and SRMX12 run off} I suggest we just make a list of everyone who's coming. Done. {writes "everyone 'cept dando" on a sticky note} What is it with unhelpfully short and/or ridiculously long lists in this cartoon? Unintentional running gag, I guess. Then what? Now write the time and place of the party. What is the time and place? Remember? We decided: Trubsday, Decembuary 32th, at 3:02 AM. 3 AM? That's ridiculous! No one will come at that time. And the place? Pom Pom's basement. {adds the time and place to the sticky note} Now stick it to The Stick so everyone will know to come! NO WAIT WHAT ABOUT THE PRETENDER AND THE CLEANSING GEE- (it is sent already) {Cut to The Stick} THE PRETENDER: Christmasberween Party? Sounds nice. THE CLEANSER GEEK: Let's go there. {they walk offscreen} Pretender: Ya comin' boss? Grindolo: Nah, I don't want to interfere with the bet. And if you still want to have an intact leg, I suggest you let the idiots have an ill-fated party in peace too. Pretender: Yes, my liege! (who is now just in he and dean's mutual bachelor pad, and is also in Rolf's fursuit in Ed Edd 'n Eddy's Jingle Jingle Jangle) so what happened after we beat the Poopertroopers did we unban Dween. Dean: (dressed as Yeshmiyek): uhhhhh EVG: Please tell me you didn't forget that very important detail! Dean: I didn't forget that very important detail. {Pulls out a piece of paper that has "Unbanned: Merger Pending" stamped on it.} EVG: Clever girl. Narrator: Meanwhile... All: Santa's coming tonight-tonight, Santa's coming tonight! Stom: Come on, everybloody, let's keep ripping off Spongebob until Santam'n arrives! All: Santa's coming tonight-tonight... {Cut to the Pill Sleigh.} Honstlar: Well, that was the last present. Homestar: And we still have 3 hours left! Honstlar: Suck on that, Grindolo! SRMX12: Uhh, Honnie Clause? Honstlar: What is it? SRMX12: Homestar miscalculated again. Honstlar: Of course. How much time do we really have left? SRMX12: Well, It has a 3 in it, but... Honstlar: {loudly} HOW MUCH!?! SRMX12: 3 minutes. Honstlar: Oh crap, we gotta get to the party before it's too late! {Honstlar pulls out a pill-shaped communicator] Honstlar: Saint Nick to Flat Stanley, come in Flat Stanley! {A video screen opens revealing EVG and the Dean.} Honstlar: {offscreen} How did the paperwoik turnout? EVG: The ban is lifted and the merger is ready! {The screen switches to Stom} Honstlar: {offscreen} Waffle House, are the townsfolk filled with the spirit of the holiday? Stom: Filled to the top! {Honstlar closes the Pill-Com} SRMX12: We've finished the job... Homestar: ...I've got a sack of monkeys in my pocket... Honstlar: ...And all systems are ready to go! {The Pill Sleigh flies off as the song "Here The Engines Roll Now/Burning Rubber Tires" from Pod People plays.} {Cut to the Moonbase.} Grindolo: I have to win this bet, but I can't interfere. CURSE YOU DEMON DEAL RULES! {Cut back to the party.} TCG: That fat guy better hurry up! {Cut back to the Pill Sleigh} SRMX12: 2 minutes left! GFD: This might help. {pulls lever, activating light speed} {The Pill Sleigh is flying through hyperspace.} Homestar: My tweez is going into my brain! SRMX12: 1 minute left! Honstlar: Crap! Time moves faster in lightspeed. Gfd: In retrospect, I should have thought this through. {Cut back to Grindolo} Grindolo: Foolish mortals, I will be victorious! SRMX12: 5! {Cut to Stom} Stom: Come on! SRMX12: 4! EVG: I hope this works! SRMX12: 3! Gfd: Welp, we're doomed. Honstlar: Not on my watch! SRMX12: 2! {The Pill Sleigh pops back to the party.} All: YAY! {Cut back to Grindolo} Grindolo: NOOOOOO!!!! {Cut to the inside of Mr. Dando's house.} Mr. Dando: What's this I feel, is it the holiday spirit? {Dando walks out of his house and looks at the tree.} Mr. Dando: Festive lights? {Pan to Honstlar Claus handing a present to The Pretender.} The Pretender: Thanks, chump. Honstlar: You're welcome! Mr. Dando: Goodwill towards all? {Pan to the rejected characters carolling.} Mr. Dando: NOISE?!?! They not only brought back Decemberween but also brought in Christmas? I'M IN HELL! {Dando gets handcuffed.} Police Fireman: More like, "You're under arrest for manipulation of royalty" Mr. Dando: And I'm arrested? I'LL GET YOU CRAZY KIDS SOMEDAY! Police Fireman #2: Tell it to the judge! {Cut back to the party while "Oh Christmas Tree" plays.} All: {singing} Oh Christmas Tree, Of Decemberween, You're 55 days after Halloween! Homestar: With glass baubles and pretty lights, {Cut to the KOT holding a fork next to the tree star that has a bite taken out of it.} The KOT: I wish this star was supersized. {Cut back to the gang.} All: Oh Christmas Tree, Of Decemberween, You're 55 days after Halloween! EVG: Being nice is what it's about, {Cut to Strong Sad frolicking through the snow.} Honstlar: So that's why I let Strong Sad out. All: Oh Christmas Tree, Of Decemberween, You're 55 days after Halloween! {Cut to a shot of Gfd giving something to The Cleansing Geek.} Bubs: We give our friends some crazy crap, {Cut to Strong Bad holding a copy of Deep Impact.} Strong Bad: Once again I got Deep Impact. All: Oh Christmas Tree, Of Decemberween, You're 55 days after Halloween! SRMX12: It's something only two guys hate, {Cut to a boarded up alien bathtub containing a frustrated Grindolo.} Grindolo: I'm not allowed to celebrate. {Cut back to the gang.} All: Oh Christmas Tree, Of Decemberween, Coach Z's been drinking Listerine! {Cut to the Locker Room where a drunk Coach Z with 5 O'Clock stubble is seen looking at the camera and sitting next to a pile of empty bottles of Cool Mint Listerine.} Coach Z: {Drunkenly} Maury Christmasween, orveybody! Coach E: God-Dad, go to bed, you're drunk. Coach Z: I can stop whenever I want. {Coach Z collapses then Coach E looks at the camera.} Coach E: Well, you heard the man, Merry Christmas! {A fancy title card appears that says "THE END".}