Inanimate Objects in Decidedly Non-Inanimate Situations/Episode 13

Description: The award ceremony!

Transcript
{At The Stage, all the former contestants, recommended characters, and even most of the main characters comprised an audience awaiting the final episode}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Oh man, Pom Pom. This is gonna be the best historical French buresque show I have ever witnessed.

POM POM: {bubble bubble de bubble}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Oh crap! You're right! What if it's Strong Sad up there doing Lady Marmala-day?!

POM POM: {sighs in bubbles}

DOREAUXGARD: You guys are just lucky that lunch is complimentary, or I would be outta here like scuba gear.

DRIVE-THRU WHALE: {crackle} Would you like to sewer-size that?

HOMSAR: DaAaAa, I'm Hermann Zapf bold sans serif!

DOREAUXGARD: You guys stop the jibba jabber!

{The stage darkens as Lappier narrates}

LAPPIER: {offscreen} Gentlemen and like, two ladies, welcome to the thirteenth and FINAL episode of Inanimate Objects In Decidedly Non-Inanimate Situations! I'm the Lappier, and I would like to introduce... our contestants!

{The curtains open partially to reveal Humidibot}

LAPPIER: He is the only one of our three contestants to be eliminated, and be voted back. He is the sultan of spit, the amazing appliance, Humidibot!

HUMIDIBOT: They love me! They kinda, somewhat love me!

''{The right curtain opens to reveal Cardboard Marzipan. Homestar Runner hurries into position behind her}''

LAPPIER: She is the only contestant to join the game late. The cardboard cougar, the master of sass, Cardboard Marzipan!

CARDBOARD MARZIPAN: Can I offer anyone a secret hot date? It's been a few months, and...

{The left curtain opens to reveal Frank Bennedetto}

LAPPIER: This contestant has a perfect score of zero votes. The military man, he's not a juicer, he's Frank Bennedetto!

FRANK BENNEDETTO: Ten hut!

{Lappier hops onto the front of the stage himself to greet the crowd}

LAPPIER: Before we reveal who wins the whole shebusiness, let's have a brief slide show looking back at the best memories from this lovely journey...

EVERYONE: BOOOOOOO!!

LAPPIER: Hey, up your nose with dichlorvos! We're doin' it anyway!

{He lowers a projector screen and an image of Drive-Thru Whale scoring an own goal in basketball appears}

LAPPIER: Look at this screw-up! Who would guess he would make it almost to the end?

{Another image of Drive-Thru Whale being tied up and interrogated in the Dangeresque fan film}

LAPPIER: Who can forget Welcome to Blubb-O's lovely attempt at film making?

{An image of Doreauxgard and F-Sack on the stand-up stage}

LAPPIER: These two have a promising career in comedy clubs.

{An image of the Trogdor painting breathing real fire}

LAPPIER: I still remember my line from that episode. "Whoa nelly! Whoa diddy! Whoa Murphy Lee!"

{An image of the Lappier being completely beat up by Strong Badia}

LAPPIER: {double take} HEY! That's not funny.

{Tire hi-fives Stop Sign in the back of the audience}

LAPPIER: That's enough of that. To present the award, may I present, he needs no introduction - STRONG BAD!

{"Everybody To The Limit" plays and the audience goes buck wild with cheers}

STRONG BAD: The star is here! Now this dumb award ceremony is getting good!

LAPPIER: Remind the audience what is at stake here?

STRONG BAD: The winner will receive a main character status in Homestarrunner.com! You have the right to do anything - start an email show, star in a video game, have nerds dress up as you - whatever ya want!!

CARDBOARD MARZIPAN: Imagine that...

STRONG BAD: And the winner will receive... real estate in the Free Country residential area! Spend your days in your very own temperature-controlled, fully-furnished piece of suburbia.

HUMIDIBOT: Will we be taxed for this?

STRONG BAD: And the winner will receive... a year's supply of Rice-a-Roni, the San Francisco Treat... a turkey farm... a six-pack of Cold Ones... and FriendlyWare, the most forgettable PC game ever made!

KING OF TOWN: Dibs on the rice! And the turkeys!!!

LAPPIER: Tell me, what does the second-place contestant receive?

STRONG BAD: A boat!

{beat}

LAPPIER: A boat?

STRONG BAD: A boat.

LAPPIER: Well then. Let's get a drumroll up in this place.

{A drumroll begins}

STRONG BAD: Third place goes to... Humidibot!

HUMIDIBOT: I'm just glad to make it this far! But can I still ride on the boat, please please?

STRONG BAD: Now, for the second place and the winner.

{He eyes Strong Badia sitting way in the back}

CINDER BLOCK: Hey, we already had our moment.

STRONG BAD: And what a moment it was.

{He opens the envelope}

STRONG BAD: Second place goes to... Cardboard Marzipan! The winner is FRANK BENNEDETTO!

FRANK BENNEDETTO: I must say, for the high awesome dictator of the enemy army, you make a tremendous host.

STRONG BAD: Game recognize game.

FRANK BENNEDETTO: True dat.

CARDBOARD MARZIPAN: And Humidibot, you can ride in the boat.

HUMIDIBOT: YAY! And can my friend Scotty ride too?

CARDBOARD MARZIPAN: Don't push your luck, hot stuff.

HUMIDIBOT: I'll take what I can get!

STRONG BAD: Is there anything you wanna say to the audience?

FRANK BENNEDETTO: I would like to give a rousing rendition of the Homestarmy anthem!

{beat}

FRANK BENNEDETTO: Um...

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Oh my grash! I never WROTE an anthem!

FRANK BENNEDETTO: That's kind of an important thing to forget.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Okay, I got this. Try and follow along.

{He awkwardly sings while the audience mumbles with him}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {singing} There's no friend like Homestar Runner, no friend like home

Tryin' to step up the game, but you blew it somehow.

Let's flip the script, tear the page, see what we read and

Let's put some fuel in the system and kick the whole thing down

Let's catapult my vocal cords and see can they make it to the mountaintop

If my rhyme scheme slips though and ends at the stop and sinks, then

Let's call out the muse and see if she'll lend a sweet echo, de sa la

Crank the dials and turn to double-oh-seven

{shouting} AND THEN WE'LL BRING STRONG BADIA TO ITS KNEES!

STRONG BAD, TIRE, CINDER BLOCK, AND STOP SIGN: No, you're not!!

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Aww.

LAPPIER: Thank you, good night! And stay tuned for more Frank, our newest main character!!

{The crowd cheers and fade out}