AWMPSCEIRLOMGG/Week 1 (2nd half)

Wrestling Observer News

 * NJPW aired an excellent World Pro Wrestling program. The main event was Yuji Nagata defeating Jushin Thunder Liger to defend his IWGP Heavyweight title in a wild, high-impact puroresu classic.
 * Also on the card, Hiroshi Tanahashi and Shinsuke Nakamura defeats Brock Lesnar and Tatsuhito Takaiwa, though Lesnar had the best performance of the night.
 * Pro Wrestling NOAH had its pay-per-view, Winter Navigation 2007. The GHC Junior Heavyweight title was up for grabs in the main event, as Naomichi Marufuji defended against three men, Katsuhiko Nakajima, Minoru Suzuki and Go Shiozaki. Shiozaki was the weak link of the match.
 * The same card had Yoshihiro Takayama defending his GHC Heavyweight title against Akira Taue, and in the most underrated match of the show, KENTA defeats Yoshinobu Kanemaru.
 * AJPW's latest pay-per-view was Real World Tag League 2007, with 613,000 buys.
 * Team 246 def. Osamu Nishimura and Taichi Ishikari, to retain the All Asia Tag Team titles
 * Perro Aguayo Jr. and AKIRA def. Brian Danielson and Yasu Urano
 * Keiji Mutoh and Hiroshi Hase def. Akira Raijin and Taiji Ishimori
 * TAKA Michinoku def. Kohei Suwama, to retain the TV championship
 * Main event: Keiji Mutoh and Hiroshi Hase def. Perro Aguayo Jr. and AKIRA, winning the World's Strongest Tag League tournament.
 * Jersey All-Pro Wrestling just hired famed woman wrestler Awesome Kong, who is also currently working in Riot City Wrestling.
 * In scandal news, Mistico declared in an online interview that he is "carrying" Toryumon and that they would be lost without him. The promotion has not responded, wanting to avoid stirring unnecessary drama with their star.
 * The post-pay-per-view episode of NOAH Di Colosseo featured Minoru Suzuki defeating Taiyo Kea in a real evenly matched brawl.
 * On the latest episode of Ring of Honor Pro Wrestling, Low-Ki scored a big win over Nigel McGuinness, winning the ROH Pure title.

Inside Haysi's office...
{The scene is Haysi Fantayzee in her office, sketching out her plans for the first show}

HAYSI: {writing} Lessee... Gardenboy... main event, against...

{There's a knock on her door}

HAYSI: Enter the bizarro zone, baby!

''{The visitor enters. It's Strong Bad}''

HAYSI: My star!

STRONG BAD: {waving some papers} Oh man! You are going to hate this news!

HAYSI: Hmm?

STRONG BAD: Guess who just got the big phone call from Stamford, Connecticut?

HAYSI: Uh... you did?

STRONG BAD: That's right! The big VKM! He heard the news about the "miracle wrestling promotion that fell out of the sky" and he wants ME!

HAYSI: {sweatdrop} Is this gonna interfere with our big show?

STRONG BAD: It's an exclusive contract, man! That means you got il Cartographer for one month, and then, I'm outta here! It's nothing but huge arenas, road trips and millions of fans, as of now, henceforth!

{Haysi groans and rubs her head with her hand}

HAYSI: Can't we rap about this, superstar? I mean, is there anything I can do to convince you otherwise?

STRONG BAD: It's already signed, lady! And this wrestleman has no regrets about it!

HAYSI: We haven't even had one show and now you--

{Another knock at the door}

HAYSI: Come in!

{It's Homestar Runner}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Oh heyo! Guess who just got the big phone call from Standforth, Connect-a-dots?

HAYSI: {upset} Not you too...

HOMESTAR RUNNER: No no. Not me. Gary The Legend.

STRONG BAD: Homestar, are they aware that Gary is your IMAGINARY tag team partner?

HOMESTAR RUNNER: I bo' know. They just picked a few major stars to steal from you guys, I guess.

HAYSI: {hold her arms out} Now who's gonna be my Sizzleweight belt holder?!

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Ooh ooh! I'm still here! Slap it on the ol' Jack 'Em Up!

HAYSI: We'll see, Homestar. Aw man.

{She rips a few pages from her clipboard and tosses them in the bin, and pouts}

*WWE have hired Strong Bad and Gary the Legend to exclusive contracts.*

AWMPSCE House Show

 * The Hornblower drew with Mr. Bland (match rating: 21)

In this opening match, these scrawny rookies locked up and proceed to totally suck out loud for several minutes, so... the referee decided to stop the match to save us all.


 * Angle with Strong Mad, Gardenboy, The King of Town

{The King of Town is seated on a steel chair in the ring, Strong Mad and Gardenboy approach from the outside}

KING OF TOWN: I call the King's court into session! State your grievance!

GARDENBOY: Well, your majesty, he disrespected the garden.

KING OF TOWN: Disrespect how?

GARDENBOY: He pulled this whole rhododendron bush out of the ground, roots and all, just to sniff it.

KING OF TOWN: How do you plead, brother Mad?

STRONG MAD: UUUHHH.... FLOWERS SMELL GOOD!

GARDENBOY: They would smell so much better if they weren't ripped out of the ground dead.

{The King of Town deliberates}

KING OF TOWN: This King finds the defendant guilty! And sentences him to face my cleric in trial by combat!

STRONG MAD: DAH!

GARDENBOY: {mutters} Sounds more like a reward for him...


 * The Knight def. That Little Chef Guy (match rating: 27)

In a surprise performance, Chef Guy was a surprisingly strong competitor and was able to throw The Knight around a little. But The Knight took advantage of his size and weight and covered Chef Guy clean.


 * Senor Cardgage def. Señor (match rating: 14)

I don't wanna say what Cardgage did to the poor little blob, but it involved the family might/could.


 * Visor Robot def. Dijjery Doo (match rating: 28)

Straightforward win for the fhqwghads robot, as Dijjy was tripping over his own teeth too much to get any wrestling done.


 * Gardenboy def. The Blacksmith (match rating: 34)

Best match of the night. The Blacksmith was giving Gron Sad some hard hitting shoulder tackles, but Gardenboy got in some hits with the watering can while the referee's back was turned.


 * Strong Mad def. The Cleric (match rating: 26)

Strong Mad pounds the fragile old scribe into the ground, the end. Next!


 * Homsar def. Greusome Gobbo (match rating: 31)

Haysi Fantayzee makes an appearance in Homsar's corner. Homsar actually bites down on The Goblin's head and spins his head around exorcist style, then spits him out. It was disturbing but kinda funny to watch!