Broternal Order Of Different Helmets/Coach E's Happy Leave Mortality Day

Season 1: Episode 15

The continuation of. Coach E goes to the dreaded sorority for her sophomore year since the rest have gone to prison.

Cast (in order of appearance): EDITED Video Greg, Dean, Danger Video Guy, Stinkoman, Master GD, 1-Up, Master Z, Jonny Fark, Honstlar,, SRMX12, Stom, Jailguard Guy, Coach E, The Cleanser Geek, The Unguraits, Strong Bad, Strong Sad, ,

Places: Dean's Video Dungeon, Jail, Crazy Go Nuts University, Review Revue, The Real World, A Hot Road, Pillquarters

Date: Saturday, December 16, 2017 - Sunday, January 14, 2018

Running Time: 9:13

Transcript
{Open in Dean's "video dungeon" as she and EDITED Video Greg are looking through their large collection of anime for rare Japanese vanity plates.}

EDITED VIDEO GREG: Ooh, Danger Video! Classic, classic.

DEAN: Another day, another Kadokawa variant.

EDITED VIDEO GREG: Thanks for inviting me over to your bachelorette pad for a date!

DEAN: Just call it a bachelor pad, nobody actually has a bachelorette pad.

EDITED VIDEO GREG: Either way, this date is going great&mdash; HOLY CRAP, we gotta find the third danger of myth!

DEAN: I think that may be on Stinkoman K Vol. 9.

EDITED VIDEO GREG: Well, only one way to find out!

''{Greg puts the tape in the VCR. We then see a shirtless man that the camera slowly zooms in on.}''

DANGER VIDEO GUY: BLARRGHEFLARGAHBARGELODOGLO!

''{A loud gunshot noise is heard as a red logo that has an exclamation mark in a triangle and says "DANGER VIDEO; the highest quality content ever stolen from somewhere else" appears. Cut back to Greg and Dean.}''

DEAN: The legends are true! This isn't one-a those urban legend curséd videotapes, is it?

EDITED VIDEO GREG: Nah, it's all fine. The only curse you can get from a Danger Video release is the curse of quality!

DEAN: How is that a curse?

EDITED VIDEO GREG: I don't know.

{Cut to the TV.}

ANIME NARRATOR: Last time on Stinkoman K, the mysterious figure finally revealed himself.

STINKOMAN: So, Mr. Shadowbutt, we meet at last!

MASTER GD: That's Master GD to you, Stinkoman!

{Cut to 1-Up.}

1-UP: But if he's an illegitimate clone of you, then how was he made?

MASTER Z: An evil spirit stole part of my soul.

{Cut to Stinkoman.}

STINKOMAN: We must stop him!

{Cut to Master GD.}

MASTER GD: You will fall, Stinkoman!

STINKOMAN: IS THAT A CHALLENGE?!

{Cut back to Greg and Dean.}

DEAN: Now this is anime.

EDITED VIDEO GREG: You know what's weird, though? A company that only produced live-action and the occasional horrific puppet thing distributing an anime.

DEAN: Well, I guess we shouldn't be complaining. We found a kicktweez variant to upload to YouTube and quite the program t&mdash;

{The TV switches to static before cutting to a weird news show.}

JONNY FARK: Welcome to Conspirys! The only show that gives you the truth no matter how bad it hurts. I'm Jonny Fark.

EDITED VIDEO GREG: What is this? What happened to the tape?

DEAN: It must have gotten interrupted.

JONNY FARK: Tonight: is the popular record store zine "Teen Girl Squad" secretly a manifesto designed to teach murder? The answer may surprise you!

EDITED VIDEO GREG: HOLY CRAP, I'M WANTED. For an unfunny reason, but still. I'll protect the law of all minorities if it means sparing us from shlock like this. {turns self in like Patrick Star}

{Everybody except Coach E is now in prison, with Greg dressed as Cody Travers.}

HONSTLAR: Why are we all here again? I would never do the killy thing.

And the money I ate from them.

EDITED VIDEO GREG: And where's Easy E?

HONSTLAR: OH CRAP, YOU'RE RIGHT! Why wasn't she brought in with us?

JAILGUARD GUY: Because some weird lady bailed her out before she even set foot in this place.

DEAN: But who would want to save Coachy but not&mdash;

ALL: THE CLEANSER GEEK!

HONSTLAR: Oh no, The Cleanser Geek must have taken her to the sorority where you die at the end of every day!

EDITED VIDEO GREG: Still, why is Dean here? Is this prison multi-sex?

JAILGUARD GUY: Uhh... Bubble Jug?

HONSTLAR: Oh, that makes sense.

{Cut to Crazy Go Nuts University, where the Cleanser Geek and the Unguraits let Coach E in.}

COACH E: Gee, thanks for taking me back to this wonderful school. But would you mind letting me go? I think my friends have been arrested, and I want to visit them.

THE CLEANSER GEEK: Why would you think for a second I would let you go? I'M THE VILLIAN!

COACH E: Well, I thought you would have a change of&mdash;

THE CLEANSER GEEK: I WILL NEVER CHANGE!

{Cut back to the prison.}

HONSTLAR: This is not good.

EDITED VIDEO GREG: How'd you hear that?

HONSTLAR: What are you talking about? I'm saying that we need to get out of prison!

EDITED VIDEO GREG: Oh, I had that confused with something else.

SRMX12: Pshh. No biggie! We can just use the Golden Fedora to wish us out of here and save Coach E from being alone!

HONSTLAR: Yeah, about that... I thought that the Fedora was too convenient of a plot device so... I destroyed it.

EVERYONE ELSE: YOU WHAT?!

HONSTLAR: What? We already have everything we need! Besides, Grindolo and his lackeys are immune to it.

EDITED VIDEO GREG: Still, that was kind of a jerk move!

HONSTLAR: In retrospect, I should have wished for a "Get Outta Jail" card before I powderized it.

{takes his hat off and a flood of salad dressing pours out}

HONSTLAR: Well, can't deny that. But salad dressing might not be helpful now.

{Cut to the guard standing in the salad dressing looking terrified.}

JAILGUARD GUY: Oh child, I'm allergic to salad dressing!

{The guard explodes in a small ball of fire and weird keys fly into Gfd's hands.}

HONSTLAR: I stand corrected.

EDITED VIDEO GREG: Now what?



''{He takes off his bowler hat and pulls out a small wooden box. He uses the guard's key to unlock the box, opening to reveal another key.}''



{He unlocks the cell.}

ALL: Hot times!

HONSTLAR: Let's go find Coach E!

{Cut to the college.}

THE CLEANSER GEEK: All right, so there's a twist we never told you about. When we kill you, you don't die die... you relive your final day as a horrific mind torturing limbo.

UNGURAIT #44: It'S lIkE gRoUnDhOg'S dAy BuT rEaLly ScReWeD uP!

THE CLEANSER GEEK: Shut up, Brock!

BROCK: sOrRy, GrEaT cLeAnSeR.

THE CLEANSER GEEK: WHAT DID I JUST SAY?!

BROCK: {quiet whimpers}

COACH E: This... sounds very inconvenient.

{The BODH runs in.}

EDITED VIDEO GREG: {to the Ungurait} Who are you?

BROCK: wHo, Me? I'm OnE oF gRiNdOlO's—

THE CLEANSER GEEK: {slap} DON'T SPEAK UNLESS YOU'RE SPOKEN TO!

BROCK: I WaS sPoKeN tO—

THE CLEANSER GEEK: {slap} YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN!

{Cut to Coach E.}

COACH E: Greg? Honstlar? Gfd? You guys came! You're here to save me!

I'm leaving to the cafeteria. Those tables have a real pungent flavor!

HONSTLAR: As sociopathic as this sounds... can you just go through it once? I wanna see how it works.

COACH E: That's horrific!!

It sounds pretty wicked awesome.

STRONG BAD: {walking in from offscreen} Those last two words, in that sequence, are enough to make my eyeballs shrivel in pain.

HONSTLAR: Worse than "rockin' cool", then?

STRONG BAD: WAH! Don't you speak such a phrase! {leaves}

SRMX12: Well, that scene was completely irrelevant.

{Static cut to Review Revue.}

STRONG SAD: With an unrelated bit about the usage of cool slang, Coach E's Happy Whatever Day misses the mark! ''{"MISS!" is stamped onscreen with a buzzer sound} This episode of the Helmet Show is most certainly not'' rockin' cool.

STRONG BAD: {offscreen} My face!

''{Pan right to reveal a small TV next to Strong Sad, showing exactly what's happening right now. In the corner is another TV, which contains another TV, and so forth. "Helmet TV" can be seen in the corner.}''

STRONG SAD: And not only that, their episode is getting carried away with a completely random and unrelated segment about my show, {holds up a copy of Litigation Jackson} which they are not legally qualified to portray! Who's even writing this?

{Cut to Gfd on his computer.}



HONSTLAR: I mean, I can't blame him. It's almost like you're making this up as you go.

SRMX12: Plus, we're kind of supposed to be saving Coach E or something right now.

{Zoom out to reveal they're still in the sorority.}



EDITED VIDEO GREG: Wait, where's E?

{Everyone looks around, and they all scream.}

''{Cut to the Coach E in the sorority, tied up in rope. A familiar female German accent beckons softly...}''

THE CLEANSER GEEK: Hellooo. Ready for another wonderful day?

{Record scratch.}

FAMILIAR VOICE: Wait...

{Cut to a live action shot of Branderson and RasterOfMandomness.}

BRODY: She's German?!

RANDY: Yeah, I guess I should have told you that beforehand.

BRODY: Man, this is just like when I found out Silvana was Russian.

RANDY: This is getting way too meta for my taste.

BRODY: I agree.

{Cut back to the sorority where Coach E immediately wakes up.}

COACH E: Stop dragging me down!! Oh, I'm alive again.

{Cut to Dean's video dungeon.}

EDITED VIDEO GREG: You know what's weird, though? A company that only produced live-action and the occasional horrific puppet thing distributing an anime.

DEAN: Well, I guess we shouldn't be complaining. We found a kicktweez variant to upload to YouTube and quite the program t&mdash;

COACH E: {walks in} What— what's happening? This already happened! The day is repeating itself!!

EDITED VIDEO GREG: Aww, we missed seeing how it happened.

DEAN: All right then, here's my advice: get into your hot road and get as far away from the Cleanser Geek as humanly possible.

COACH E: I will!

''{Coach E runs offscreen to the right. Cut to a road in the middle of the desert. There is a pothole in the center of the road. Coach E runs in from the left, exhausted.}''

COACH E: Here's a hot road.

{Coach E sits in the pothole for several seconds.}

COACH E: I fail to see how this is helping. {looks back} Hey, Dean? I got into my hot road. What do I do now?

DEAN: {walks onscreen} Well, uhh.... erm... you know what, that's not too far off from my original intention. Stay there for the rest of the day. Here's some snacks. {throws a paper bag} Good luck. {walks away}

COACH E: Oh, good. At least here I'll be safe.

''{Pause for a few seconds. Wind blows. A tumbleweed passes by. After a while, The Cleanser Geek creepily rises up from the pothole... and collapses unconcious due to being in a sewer.}''

COACH E: Well, this is going great!

{Grindolo sneaks up behind Coach E and trips on a rock, sending him off a cliff.}

COACH E: Nothing can ever harm me here.

{The Pretender falls from the sky and lands in front of Coach E, ready to attack, until he spontaneously combusts.}

COACH E: I'm perfectly safe.

''{Cut to 11:59 PM that night. Nothing else has happened.}''

HONSTLAR: {walks onscreen} Wow, Coachy, who knew you were so lucky?

COACH E: I guess I was born that way.

{Cut to the Cleanser Geek.}

THE CLEANSER GEEK: Blasted! The blondie escaped me! Luckily, I have a backup plan!

{A drone appears.}

THE CLEANSER GEEK: Go now, my pretty, and break her dead!

''{The drone flies towards the Pillquarters. Cut to the hot road.}''

HONSTLAR: She's going to blow up the Pillquarters!

''{Cut to the Pillquarters interior. The entire BODH (except Honstlar and Coach E) are holding cards with bored expressions.}''

{pulls a fish bowl from hammerspace; the fish jumps away}

SRMX12: Boy, we've had a lot of adventures with that fish in the last few hours. Including but not limited to family-fun card-gamgmes. {with a soft G, sounding like a portmanteau of "card games" and "Cardgage"} G—Gamgmes.

EDITED VIDEO GREG: Will it be able to survive on its own?



STOM: Missed out on a lotta good waffles.

EDITED VIDEO GREG: Hey, you noticed that mini-robo-helicopter thing outside?

SRMX12: Whoa. Pretty weird.

{Pause.}

STOM: I never liked that fish.

{The Pillquarters explodes.}



{Honnie and Coachy arrive at the wreckage.}

HONSTLAR: Not the Pillquarters! NOOOOO!!

{Honstlar finds a calling card near the wreckage of the drone.}

HONSTLAR: {reading} This Ziktor brand Kamikaze Drone is the property of Eva Zuzuko, also known as The Cleanser Geek?!



SRMX12: Ya blew it up!

EDITED VIDEO GREG: Damn you, She-Wolf!

ALL: Damn you to hell!!

{Cut to a screen reading "TO BE CONTINUED..."}

Easter Eggs

 * Click on the word "BE" to see what happens next.
 * : Wait, are we allowed to say that? Sounds a bit harsh...
 * HONSTLAR: No one is allowed to tamper with that quote.
 * EDITED VIDEO GREG: What about Madagas&mdash;
 * HONSTLAR: NO ONE!
 * : I'll just take that as a yes...