Broternal Order Of Different Helmets/Helmet Quest 2

Grindolo has banished the BODH to the middle of nowhere, Honstlar is presumed dead, and the world is about to be destroyed. Free Country, USA's only hope is the Platinum Porkpie, another magic hat with greater power than the Golden Fedora. So it's up to Honstlar and the gang to find the Porkpie, defeat Grindolo, and save the world!

First Draft
''{We open this film on a criminally insane series of events: as some sort of horrific Latin chanting occurs throughout, we see a terrified Asian man running down the street screaming from giant Marionation marionettes that are cosplaying the main four characters of Invader Zim. The one dressed as Gaz declares "I LIKE PIZZA ONLY WHEN IT IS ORDERED FROM THE GOOD OL COUNTRY!" and we zoom into their eye as she says this to uncover video of a bridge breaking down. We then follow the bridge remains which sprouts moose antlers and declaring "S...C..E..." as they collapse into the water which is actually a mixture of Betty Crocker cookie dough, Motts apple juice and Progresso minestrone with scraps of newspaper showing all those companies names floating. They all simultaneously say "I love you, especially when you pick the lice out of my cheesy couscous, Australia of conticountry" while hugging, words which become more demonic as the logos form into the name "HOMSAR CARDGAGE STUDIOS". the whole thing ends on the sound of a cold one being opened, a burp, and a "karate chop" effect that removes the screen in favour of a fat woman dancing for 7 seconds before she implodes. cut to black}''

{The entire BODH is in mouths agape about what we have just witnessed...}

HONSTLAR: Remind us to never let those guys distribute our movie again.

''{Big shiny text that says "Helmet Quest 2" appears followed by a thunderclap. then a colon and the words "Rise of Grindolo" fade in while we hear Grindolo laughing offscreen. All the text then fades away as the rest of the credits appear on the bottom of the screen like on Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends.}''

EDITED VIDEO GREG: OK, now that we know of a way to get rid of that weird ghost guy, how are we gonna get back home?

HONSTLAR: For once, I don't know.

{Sniffing noises are heard.}

HONSTLAR: Uh, Garbles, What are you doing?

GFDGSGXGZGDRC: I smell something, something strange.

{SRMX12 also sniffs somehow.}

SRMX12: He's right! It smells like tobacco.

HONSTLAR: With a hint of beer,

EDITED VIDEO GREG: and a crapload of coins.

HONSTLAR: Wait a minute, cigars? Cold Ones? money?! I know where we are!

GFDGSGXGZGDRC: Reginald Towers?

HONSTLAR: No...

{A small cartoon glove on a robot arm extends out of Honstlar's bowler and points at a sign that says "Welcome to Nevada"}

HONSTLAR: We're in the Mojave Deserts!

EDITED VIDEO GREG: Aww man, I prefer Reno.

SRMX12: This is great!

HONSTLAR: How is this great?

EDITED VIDEO GREG: Have you been hiding a gambling addiction this whole time?

SRMX12: This is great because we know where we are! Sure, it's not the other end of the world, but hey, that's a win for us!

GFDGSGXGZGDRC: But how are we gonna get home?

SRMX12: Simple, we get enough money for a taxi or something by gambling what little money we have at a casino!

GFDGSGXGZGDRC: That could work.

EDITED VIDEO GREG: Look out, Vegas, Greg is coming, and he's got a system!

HONSTLAR: Wait, where's Coachy?

EDITED VIDEO GREG: He has a point, all of us were teleported here except for Coach E, did she get teleported to another desert? Is she really on the other side of the world? Is she really dead?!?!

GFDGSGXGZGDRC: Nah, she just got teleported here before us somehow and walked to Las Vegas.

{Cut to a shot of some Coach shaped footprints that lead towards Las Vegas.}

EDITED VIDEO GREG: Oh.

HONSTLAR: Then, in that case, FOLLOW THOSE TRACKS!!!

{The gang speed off.}

French Narrator: Meanwhile at the Pill HQ...

{Cut to the spot where the Pillmobile once stood now replaced with a demonic castle of some sort.}

French Narrator: ...I mean Castle Grindolo...

GRINDOLO: Ah, it's good to be an evil warlock ghost.

Ungraits: Holla!

THE CLEANSER GEEK: Wait, the Ungraits work for us now?

GRINDOLO: Yeah.

The Pretender: Don’t you remember, Not Only Bad Girl?

Lackey #20: Seconded...or thirded if you wanna ignore *CENSORED FOR POLITICOCO HUMOR*

{We hear a file of Branderson IRL berating Raster for more censored jokes as the toon shirts to its flash file showing everyone’s bodies disembodied off frame}

Branderson: JUST DON'T WRITE SOMETHING LIKE THAT!!

GRINDOLO: It is time for us to enact our most evil plan yet while the Fraternity is trapped in Sin City. Yes...we shall TAKE THE VIDELECTRIX SWAP, and replace all the peripherals with TISSUE PAPER. Truly the greatest plan ever to come out of my labor-a-tory, yes...the Lab of Grindolo. If only it had a better name. I know...for this plan specifically I’ll put the two words together...yes...this will be plan VIDELECTRIC LABO-

''{A ungrait hands him a note that says "Nintendo beat you to the punch." which Grindolo reads}''

GRINDOLO: Are you kidding me?! Ah well, plan B: we shall curse Homestar, Strong Bad and Coach Z to ONLY say the words of their talkers. HIT THE SWITCH!

{Different Unungraint does so, cut to a curse wave approaching Homestar, Strong Bad and Coach Z having a conversation}

Coach Z: Great homegrown stair master. Job.

Homestar: Marzipan is totally a delicious marshmallow.

Strong Bad: I am a stupid beat of crap!

Lackey #48: Uh boss, why did you make him say "beat of crap"?

GRINDOLO: BECAUSE "PIECE" WASN'T ONE OF THE CHOICES, KILLIAN!

Killian: Sheesh, sorry for asking.

GRINDOLO: Next up on my Undead Warlock To-Do List: FORCE EVERYONE TO BOW DOWN TO MY GREATNESS!

{Ungraits + rest of the characters + the other unused ones do precisely that}

GRINDOLO: Well, that was easy enough. Next up on the schedule: make everyone ELSE speak only in words Pom Pom has spoken out loud!

{We then cut to another wave approaching over The KOT at Bubstastic Entertainment}

KOT: Why do we hate?

Bubs: We sure do!

KOT: I hate this! Are we in cartoon? Matches!

GRINDOLO: wait...did they manage to CONTEMPLATE WORLD PIECE using only eleven words?

Lackey #37: I guess so...

GRINDOLO: Wow, I never knew modern day society would be so strange.

{Cut to some shots of Las Vegas that then end on an animated version of the real-life Treasure Island casino.}

HONSTLAR: This is some financially dangerous fun!

GFDGSGXGZGDRC: OOOHHH the candy carane! Play until you win.

HONSTLAR: I don't think that's such a-

GFDGSGXGZGDRC: Gimme the bits!

EDITED VIDEO GREG: Wrong flash cartoon

HONSTLAR: Really I thought there was a funny currency here...oh well

{he gets the bits and loses immediately, many tries later Honstlar is out of money}

HONSTLAR: Well this is great, I'm broke!

EDITED VIDEO GREG: How exactly is this going to get us home again?

SRMX12: I don't know! I thought this would work, but I guess it didn't.

GFDGSGXGZGDRC: Uh, guys?

HONSTLAR: Yeah, Garbles?

GFDGSGXGZGDRC: I don't remember any bank heist opening for Penn and Teller.

{Cut to a stereotypical criminal in black and white stripes holding an oversized money bag.}

The Robber: Oh crap!

{The Robber dashes off.}

HONSTLAR: FOLLOW THAT THE ROBBER!

{A Benny Hill/Scooby-Doo chase scene happens that end up with The Robber tripping and dropping the money bag.}

HONSTLAR: Your criminal days are over, The Robber!

EDITED VIDEO GREG: Wait, his name is The Robber?

The Robber: Yeah.

EDITED VIDEO GREG: That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard.

The Robber: Tell that to my mother.

Cop #1: You won't be telling anyone to tell your mother stuff anytime soon, cause you're under arrest!

The Robber: Curse you- Wait, who are you people?

HONSTLAR: Just call us: The Broternal Order of Different Helmets!

{The Robber is dragged away.}

The Robber: CURSE YOU BROTERNAL ORDER!!!

{A rotund man in a black tux walks in.}

Rotund Man: I would like to thank you personally for stopping The Robber, I'm Tim Tallatoo: Owner of the Treasure Island Casino.

HONSTLAR: Tim Tallatoo: Owner of the Treasure Island Casino?

Tim Tallatoo: Yup, Tim Tallatoo: Owner of the Treasure Island Casino.

EDITED VIDEO GREG: You're welcome, Las Vegas Doug Dimmadome!

Tim Tallatoo: As a reward for putting a stop to Mr The Robber's reign of terror, you can keep the money he stole!

All of the BODH: Really?!?!

Tim Tallatoo: Yup. Besides, that bag only makes up 6% of our daily earnings. Have a nice day!

{Tallatoo walks off.}

SRMX12: See, I knew this would work!

GFDGSGXGZGDRC: This has to be at least $1,000,000. We're rich! We can buy all the ranch dressing we desire!

{Cut to the Review Revue}

STRONG SAD: That casino scene was too long! And it didn't even contribute to the plot. Their plan was too complex and poorly thought-out, and it didn't even work! It just made things worse.

{Cut back to the BODH.}

HONSTLAR: Shut up, Scoutmaster Dumpus!

{Cut back to Strong Sad.}

Strong Sad: Aww, man. Why does all the media I review talk back to me?

{Cut to back to the BODH again.}

HONSTLAR: Come on, guys, let's skedaddle!

{The BODH walk away.}

HONSTLAR: TAXI!

{A taxi appears.}

Taxi Driver: Where to?

HONSTLAR: Free Country, USA!

{The gang get in the taxi.}

Taxi Driver: Got it.

{The taxi speeds off then we cut back to Grindolo.}

GRINDOLO: Those puny fools of Free Country won't know what hit them when I hit them with my evilest plan as of yet! It's a good thing those helmet-havers are gone for good! I'll never see them again!

{Cut to the taxi}

TAXIM'N: So, what is Free Country, USA exactly? Is it a state? Maybe a city? Is it a little town, neighborhood? Just a country with "USA" in the name?

HONSTLAR: I'm afraid we don't actually know.

TAXIM'N: Well, I'ma gonna need directions if you fellas want to get home.

GFDGSGXGZGDRC: Okay, here, take a left.

TAXIM'N: Yeah?

GFDGSGXGZGDRC: No no, no no, now take a right.

TAXIM'N: Mm-hm.

GFDGSGXGZGDRC: No no, no no, now take a left.

TAXIM'N: All right.

GFDGSGXGZGDRC: No no, no no, now take a left, left, left, and a right&mdash;

EDITED VIDEO GREG: He could probably use some real directions.

SRMX12: It's just north of that place south of Free Country, USA.

TAXIM'N: Ah, that's it. Thanks!

{The taxi stops and the gang gets out of the car.}

Taxim'n: My tip, please!

HONSTLAR: Got it!

{Honstlar hands the taxi driver a 100 dollar bill.}

Taxim'n: Have a nice day!

{The taxi speeds off.}

EDITED VIDEO GREG: Um, so only you know where we are?

SRMX12: Yeah, Free Country's only north of Springfield and south of Dockoville

All: Oh...

{They see Homestar, Strong Bad, and Bubs}

GFDGSGXGZGDRC: Say there, guys! We're back! We're not dead after all!

HOMESTAR RUNNER: I am totally a game!

HONSTLAR: Buh?

{Cut to Castle Grindolo}

UNGURAIT: So, is "game" supposed to be an insult or what?

GRINDOLO: Shut it up! I have limited options. Yes, "game" is an insult.

{Cut back to the BODH}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: You are going to Strong Bad!

COACH E: What is he saying?

STRONG BAD: I am a total stupid loser! I can beat nothing!

BUBS: Do hate I? Sure, matches!

HOMESTAR RUNNER: A delicious marshmallow is going to win! I am totally out.

GFDGSGXGZGDRC: Nooooo!

HONSTLAR: It's worse than I thought, Grindolo has given everyone a limited vocabulary! This is awful!

Homeschool Winner: I HATE MATCHES! I HATE MATCHES! I HATE MATCHES! I HATE MATCHES!

HONSTLAR: On second thought, this curse has a silver lining.

EDITED VIDEO GREG: That would be what? Absolutely no one will ever burn themselves again?

THE KING OF TOWN: Matches? Sure! {lights himself on fire}

EDITED VIDEO GREG: Nevermind.

EDITED VIDEO GREG: Seriously what’s the silver lining? Grindolo turned everyone into a bad fan impersonation of themselves and you’re getting your jollies from Homeschool Winner....doing what....what’s he do anyway?

GFDGSGXGZGDRC: {gets a phone out of his hat}

''{Cut to the phone screen. Gfd types "http://fanstuff2.referata.com/wiki/Honstlar".}''

GFDGSGXGZGDRC: Ahem. {shows Greg the phone}

{Cut to the text: "He also doesn't like cringey stuff, Strong Sad's paunch smell, that weasely Homeschool Winner, and not pigeons."}

SRMX12: I didn't know you had a phone.

GFDGSGXGZGDRC: Oh, it's not mine.

HONSTLAR: you know what this means...WE CAN ROAST ANYBODY!

Homeschool: I hate matches.

HONSTLAR: So, I guess you aren't very popular with the ladies.

EDITED VIDEO GREG: Hey, Strong Bad! You are some sort of a horrendous bag!

STRONG BAD: Can the guy win nothing? I can beat the stupid loser.

HONSTLAR: Forget what I said.

SRMX12: Guys, I think we're forgetting something...

EDITED VIDEO GREG: that if we break into the HTML code and disable the talkers we can undo this

HONSTLAR: That doesn't work that way anymore.

EDITED VIDEO GREG: Why?

HONSTLAR: Because the engineer of the universe mixed up Flash with HTML5 and isolated the code into the .swf file.

GFDGSGXGZGDRC: So they're stuck that way forever?!

HONSTLAR: I guess so.

SRMX12: No, they're not, because-

HONSTLAR: Hey look, I found a Mario coin!

SRMX12: WE NEED TO FIND THE FLONDING PLATINUM PORKPIE!!

Rest of BODH: Ohh.

GRINDOLO: Not on my watch!

{Grindolo teleports them to the very cave that he was once trapped in before.}

GRINDOLO: Have fun dying of starvation!

{The cave is sealed.}

HONSTLAR: You just had to open your big mouth!

SRMX12: {Loud annoyed scream.}

Familiar Voice: Will you keep it down! I would like to be overthrown in peace!

{Cut to the source of the voice}

All: OLMEC!?

OLMEC: Yeah, in retrospect, I should have used my rock powers of whatever to check if there was an evil spirit a long time ago.

GFDGSGXGZGDRC: Say, Olmy, it's been a while! Can you use your magicalness to get us outta this jam?

OLMEC: I can't. He stole my power gem!

SRMX12: Oh man!

OLMEC: There is only one hope. Luckily, I think you already were trying to find it.

HONSTLAR: The Platinum Porkpie?

OLMEC: Bingo. The porkpie can only grant 4 wishes though, no wishing for more wishes either.

HONSTLAR: Crap!

OLMEC: But I trust you can use your last wish to defeat Grindolo once and for all.

HONSTLAR: You can count on me!

OLMEC: I shall help you during your quest, your Helmet Quest!

EDITED VIDEO GREG: Title drop.

OLMEC: I shall give you the hints you need when you need them.

Coach E: Where do we start?

OLMEC: Canada.

GFDGSGXGZGDRC: But how are we gonna escape?

HONSTLAR: Cuz, you know I always come prepared!

{Honstlar's bowler opens up revealing a pickaxe that EVG takes.}

EDITED VIDEO GREG: Allow me.

{EVG strikes at the stone seal, destroying it.}

HONSTLAR: Next stop, the Great White North!

OLMEC: Good luck!

{The gang speed off as we cut to a shot of Canada.}

OLMEC: Waddler, can you hear me through your Bowlerphone?

HONSTLAR: Loud and clear!

OLMEC: Good! Your first clue is as follows...

OLMEC: "Seeketh out ye thy onest who is adorneth by thy maple leaf and Christmas lights. Jones will leadeth yon way."

HONSTLAR: Maple leaf, Christmas lights, Jones,

All: STINGY RELENQUE!

SRMX12: Hold on. Isn't Dangeresque just a bad fictional movie series? And Stingy Relenque is just Homestar acting in a costume. So how are we supposed to find him if he's not real?

GFDGSGXGZGDRC: {pulls several pairs of sunglasses out of his hat} Here. Put these on.

''{Cut to a point-of-view shot, looking out at the scenery from someone's eyes. Sunglasses go in front of the camera. Through the sunglasses, the scenery changes to sunset, full of smoky buildings and broken windows.}''

''{Cut to Gfdgsgxgzgdrc, who now appears to be in his Dangergsgxgzgdrc Johnson costume. Everyone else has turned into their Dangeresque variations as well.}''

GFDGSGXGZGDRC: Cool, cool glasses! {music sting}

No-Armed Bandit: {In a gravely voice.} Using my criminal connections, I think I can get on Stingy's good side.

Dangergsgxgzgdrc Johnson: Let's test that!

EDITED VIDEO GREG: aw man

SOME of us haven’t had the time to watch the new Ween toon

Could you count me out of this for a while. Guess I’ll go off to deans dungeon...er you know what I mean.

DANGER DEAN: {walking offscreen with Greg} Luckily, in this universe, it's a literal dungeon.

EDITED VIDEO GREG: {as he leaves the screen} That's pretty cool.

''{Cut to the inside of Stingy's secret lair. The BODH walk in.}''

Stingy: Sacre bleu! How did you get past my security system?

The No-Armed Bandit: I used a bottle of Pepsi.

Stingy: Ah, the No-Armed Bandeet! It's nice to make your acquaintance!

The No-Armed Bandit: Ditto, Frenchy.

Stingy: But why did you bring Agent Johnson?

GFDGSGXGZGDRC: Because I'm cool! {music sting}

HONSTLAR: Mm... I wouldn't say so.

GFDGSGXGZGDRC: I'm stealthy! I can be practically invisible.

SRMX12: Actually, you're usually the most obvious person in our secret missions.

EDITED VIDEO GREG: Yeah, you just walk around yelling "I'M STEALTHY!" all the time.

GFDGSGXGZGDRC: I have an electronic swordchuck-machine-gunzooka-grenade! {holds up his weapon}

HONSTLAR: So do the rest of us.

SRMX12: Yeah, and yours is actually a fake.

GFDGSGXGZGDRC: {his weapon snaps in half} I knew that.

COACH E: You just kinda... get in the way and break things.

GFDGSGXGZGDRC: I do not! {shakes his head, tilting him backwards and hitting a bookshelf, which falls over onto the rest of the BODH, breaking several valuable items} I meant to do that.

No-Armed Bandit: Let's cut to the chase. Porkpie! Evil spirit! World destruction imminent!

Stingy: Ze porkpie? I'll help you, but you have to help me!

No-Armed Bandit: Help you with what?

Stingy: Stealing ze Klopman Diamond!

All: THE KLOPMAN DIAMOND?!?

GFDGSGXGZGDRC: All right. This sounds manageable. I have a plan. So we start out with 1,200 pounds of lasagna...

GFDGSGXGZGDRC: ...some knockout gas, a fog machine, and a tripwire.

HONSTLAR: I get it, so you can distract and safely take down the guards giving us the perfect chance to strike?

GFDGSGXGZGDRC: Exactly!

Stingy: I like ze sound and taste of zis plan!

SRMX12: Then let's go!

{Cut to an interior shot of The Montreal Museum of Art where we see a guard sleeping on the job.}

Stingy: {Whispering} Is ze trap set?

HONSTLAR: {Also whispering} Yes.

{The guard wakes up and follows the scent of lasagna towards the tripwire}

Guard: Ooh, Italian food!

{The guard trips on the wire, activating the trap and knocking him out.}

Stingy: Ze coast is toast!

{The Diamond rests...inside Strong Bad’s 7th wade locker}

Stingy: Sacre bleu!

No-Armed Bandit: Just use a buzzsaw.

{ GFDGSGXGZGDRC: uses a buzzsaw and cuts the locker in half leaving the diamond intact}

Stingy: Why didn't I try that?!

HONSTLAR: wait a minute are we puppets now in the real world

SRMX12: uhh yeah

EDITED VIDEO GREG: well I'm off I'm gonna find the first ever Blockbuster tape rented

Stingy: Aw POUTINE we already did that!

EDITED VIDEO GREG: ah ah ah, come over here

Shark-Toothed Bubs: Bubstastic video is a completely unrelated establishment doesBlockbustereitherstillexistordliverfreedeepfriedpottatoeswitheveryrantalthatswhatithoughtcheeseeatingsurrendermonkeyallrightsreservedthishasbeenaBubstasticentertainmentspiel

GFDGSGXGZGDRC: My sunglasses are getting all foggy.

HONSTLAR: So we found your diamond, Stingy. Will you help us?

STINGY RELENQUE: Onh, oui, cordon bleu! What ees it zat you desire help with? I&mdash;

''{Gfd takes off his sunglasses and wipes them off with a napkin. Suddenly, everyone is in their normal clothes {but still wearing sunglasses} in the Pillquarters. The diamond has been replaced by a bag of fifty cents.}''

HOMESTAR: &mdash;delicious marshmallow! I win awesome game!

HONSTLAR: That sounds very interesting, Homestar, but&mdash;

''{Gfd puts his sunglasses back on. Everything returns to the Dangeresque universe.}''

HONSTLAR: &mdash;Jones? How will that help us, Stingy?

STINGY RELENQUE: Hot Jones can do anything!

GFDGSGXGZGDRC: WAIT.

{puts glasses back on}

STB: And furthermore, the logo for Bubstastic Entertainment -

{takes them off}

Bubs: I sure do hate this cartoon. Matches?

{puts them back on}

STB: and that's the double truth.

GFDGSGXGZGDRC: I think I has the solution. Wait where's Paper Mario?

{We cut, still as Dangeresque, to EVG driving a car resembling the pillmobile to the worlds oldest Blockbuster video}

EDITED VIDEO GREG: I finally found it.

HONSTLAR: I told you we need to find Jones. JONES! NOT VHS TAPES!!

EDITED VIDEO GREG: Hold your horses, shorty. I clearly remember this particular Blockbuster serving Hot Jones.

SRMX12: Why exactly would a video store sell a beverage?

EDITED VIDEO GREG: Because if you rented 2 tapes at once around the winter times, you would get a free mug of Jones.

HONSTLAR: That never happened!

Stingy: It did in Canada!

HONSTLAR: Oh that makes sense.

{The gang walk in and spot a giant tank of Hot Jones}

EDITED VIDEO GREG: See? They did sell Jones!

GFDGSGXGZGDRC: I figured out how to solve the match obsession and YOU'RE CONCERNED WITH IMITATION HOT CHOCOLATE AND VHS TAPES?!?

EDITED VIDEO GREG: Hold up we can get jones later there's no time limit this time. Excuse me cashier what was the first tape ever rented here? Every time I google it I get only results about

how hilarious it is the last one was This is the End,

STOM: Wait if Blockbuster shut down completely why is this here

EDITED VIDEO GREG: We're in Texas.

HONSTLAR: Just so we're on the same page isn't this the FIRST Blockbuster EVER?

EDITED VIDEO GREG: Lucky for plot convince that by freak coincidence is in Texas...and is this one. Seriously look it up.

{GFD has at this point gotten sidetracked as he found a sugar factory twenty floors below the Blockbuster video}

Blockbuster Guy: I just found your records. The first tape you rented was Thnikkaman 3: Thnikkaband Rising

EDITED VIDEO GREG: The high point in the series.

HONSTLAR: wait so was EVG the first BB customer ever

EDITED VIDEO GREG: yeah

HONSTLAR: So yeah guess it's canon Greg's at least 40 years old.

EDITED VIDEO GREG: I don't age I'm freaking ink on paper

Dean: wasn't there something about Jones?

GFDGSGXGZGDRC: {in the sugar factory still} You know...for a second there I thought I figured out how to cure Homestar and co talking about matches or whatever...oh well I forgot already

''{Zoom out to Gfd and a cashier. The cashier looks identical to the Blockbuster guy, but with an apron that says "Champly's Sugarman" and a hat shaped like a bowl of ice cream.}''

GFDGSGXGZGDRC: 'Scuse me, fellas, ya gots any sugars?

CASHIER: Uh, this is a sugar factory. We have a bunch.

GFDGSGXGZGDRC: I'll have $499.99 dollars worth.

CASHIER: {startles} Oh, uh, okay? Here you go. {gives Gfd a large handful of sugar}

''{Gfd devours it in one gulp. Pause.}''

CASHIER: I don't believe it! Even The King of Town would've gotten days worth of heart attacks from that!

GFDGSGXGZGDRC: Yeah, I'm like an eating wizard.

CASHIER: So how you wanna pay for that?

GFDGSGXGZGDRC: {pulls a credit card from hammerspace and slides it across the card-slidey thing} Best 500 dollars Honstlar has ever spent.

{Cut to Blockbuster}

HONSTLAR: Hey, what happened to my wallet?

GFDGSGXGZGDRC: I almost feel...if I kept the glasses and transfered their power somehow we could get everyone to stop talking about matches

CASHIER: But wait, if you did that... everyone would be stuck in the Dangeresque-verse forever!

GFDGSGXGZGDRC: That's not a problem. Dangeresque is awesome. &mdash; Hey, wait a minute! How do you know about the Dangeresque glasses? And why aren't you talking about matches?

CASHIER: Oh. Uh, I'm magic. I have infinite knowledge and I'm immune to Grindolo's powers.

GFDGSGXGZGDRC: What are you doing working in a sugar factory then?

CASHIER: Hey, gotta make money somehow.

GFDGSGXGZGDRC: wait why haven’t you turned everyone back to normal or something l? Or figured out how I can harness the power of the Dangerglassgues

CASHIER: Oh. Um. I forgot about that. Abra cadabra! {sparkles fly across the screen}

''{Cut to the field, where Homestar, Strong Bad, and Bubs are. Sparkles travel across the screen.}''

HOMESTAR: Yay! We're back to normal!

STRONG BAD: Everything's okay!

BUBS: We can finally&mdash;

{Sparkles travel across the screen again, in the opposite direction}

BUBS: &mdash;hate this cartoon! Why are we matches? I sure do hate this!

STRONG BAD: I am stupid! Nothing can beat Strong Sad!

{Cut back to Champly's Sugarman}

GFDGSGXGZGDRC: Wh&mdash; what happened?

CASHIER: I guess I have a limited supply of powers. And I used them all up, which I sure do this. Matches are in this cartoon. Why do I hate?

GFDGSGXGZGDRC: Oh nooo!

{Cut to Castle Grindolo}

GFDGSGXGZGDRC: in a bizzare way, this makes me feel better that this was never gonna work

{we cut back to EVG at the front}

EDITED VIDEO GREG: wait weren't we gonna get some Hot Jones with an order or...oh wait I wanted to see what logo is on this tape

{he puts in the tape and much to his horror, the logo is for Matches Cartoons Hate}

SRMX12: Come on, let's calm down.

{Honstlar puts on the glasses on and down in the place the cashier has started to talk normally}

HONSTLAR: how do we harness this

DANGERESQUE BLOCKBUSTER GUY: The name's Agent Buster. I know all about cool, cool glasses. I can help you with your cartoon-matches-type problem with Dr. Dolo. For a small price...

Dangersque bBB: You have to destroy all evidence “Freaking Burn Blockbuster Video” ever existed

HONSTLAR: Can do! {Dangeresque-esque music sting}

HONSTLAR: Here it is: Crooooow's legendary FAPS resivor of decomposing filmreel gas.

Blockbuster Dude: That name makes me sound unclean somehow.

HONSTLAR: Just gotta throw this in and it'll be gone.

HONSTLAR: The deed is done.

{back 20 floors above the area: EDITED VIDEO GREG: has realized it has been destroyed}

EDITED VIDEO GREG: Oh no. That's history they destroyed. WE GOTTA REMAKE IT.

{A familiar golden spider-duck pops out of nowhere.}

Crow: Not on my watch!

HONSTLAR: Holy crap, it's my hero, CROW T. ROBOT!!

Crow: Yeah, yeah, yeah, autographs later.

EDITED VIDEO GREG: Wait, how did you know where to find us?

Crow: I have my ways...

{Cut to a shot of Crow on the Sattelite of Love talking on the phone.}

GFDGSGXGZGDRC: {echoey voiceover} Wait... what is going on here at all?!

Crow: {Offscreen} Shhh! Not during the flashback!

Guy On Phone: {Charlie Brown trumpet noises}

CROW: 'Scuse me, I can't understand you. What with all the trumpety-talk.

GUY ON PHONE: {muffled english}

CROW: Yes. Yes. No. Yes. Maybe. Yes. No. {gasp} How dare you!! {normal voice} Yes. Okay. Yes. Yes. Absolutely not. Yes.

{Cut back to Crow in the reservoir room.}

Crow: ...And that's how I ended up owning a McDonald's franchise on Pawtucket!

EDITED VIDEO GREG: That had nothing to do with the question at hand.

Crow: That doesn't matter. What does matter is me preventing you from remaking that tape.........before you help me finally get my script for Earth Vs. Soup off the ground.

HONSTLAR: Sir, it would be an honour.

{Honstlar activates his Helmet-Phone.}

Videlectrix One: You have reached the offices of Videlectrix Films. We use computers to make movies!

HONSTLAR: Yeah, V1, I got a script for a film that may tickle your fancy.

Videlectrix One: Does it have good graphics?

HONSTLAR: Of course! It's about soup! Liquids make the best graphics!

Videlectrix One: We're in!

{Fax noises}

HONSTLAR: I've sent the script your way!

Videlectrix One: Say no more, the film is greenlit!

HONSTLAR: Thanks!

Videlectrix One: Graphics!

{Honstlar hangs up.}

HONSTLAR: Okay, let's start remaking!

EDITED VIDEO GREG: How about this for our studio?

{A parody of Pearl & Deans logo ensues, with the entire thing bababas and all provided by Homsar, it ultimately ends on “Greg & Dean” with Dean inside a clamshell}

DEAN: {from logo speaking} You only did this to make this joke didn’t you?

HONSTLAR: Hey, it's the birth of DEANus!

DEAN: Shut up.

{Cut to a fancy looking logo card for Crow's thing.}

Crow: The following film has been paid for in full by the Film Anti-Preservation Society.

{Cut to the dramatic opening shot:}

EVG {thankfully offscreen} taking a dump on what was left of an original VHS of Freaking Burn Blockbuster/Bubstastic {is it still real world or back to "normal"}

EDITED VIDEO GREG: This is symbolic in a number of ways.

{We cut to a black an white closeup of Honstlar with a stereotypical French moustache.}

HONSTLAR: Le poopoo.

{Cut to another closeup of Crow with a Tom Selleck moustache}

Crow: Le peepee.

EDITED VIDEO GREG: but most important: le movie that sucked and we shall remake. Now. I guess.

{Cut to muted stock footage of Bill O'Reilly ranting.}

Bill: Zis iss dah rumuck.

GFDGSGXGZGDRC: Why do I not get any of these references?

EDITED VIDEO GREG: it’s no biggie he lost me at Bill being here at all.

Speaking of which

{Bill Maher flashes}

Le man whose wife has cheated on him

Crow: Le man whose life has left him for dead.

{Cut to Tom Servo {The one played by Baron Vaughn in case anyone asks.} on the SOL reading the same newspaper that Strong Bad reads.}

Tom Servo: Hey!

{Cut to Honstlar jogging in place.}

HONSTLAR: 1-900-490-FREAK-401-441-141-123-456-FREAK-FREAK-FREAK-FREAK-1-4-FREAK-FREAK-FREAK.

SRMX12: WE all HAVE shoes.

Crow: I’ll repeat this place for your shoe needs: 1. 9. 0. 0. 4. 9. 0. 2. 6. 2. 1. 4.

{Cut back to the real world}

EDITED VIDEO GREG: Yeah and the rest of the movie is just him repeating the number. In every language ever.

DEAN: wasn’t this supposed to be a documentery against Blockbuster...or at the very least the original Freaking Burn Blockbuster Video?

Crow: Nah, remakes don't even need to have any connections to the originals nowadays.

HONSTLAR: Have you seen the remake of Prom Night?

EDITED VIDEO GREG: Oh right.

GFDGSGXGZGDRC: well good enough f-wait a minute weren't we supposed to get an apple pie

HONSTLAR: Oh, right! An apple pie will fix everything!

{a timer goes off, making a repeated "beep" sound}

STOM: Waffle thyme! {gives everyone waffles}

GFDGSGXGZGDRC: You wouldn't happen to have any apple pie instead, wouldja?

STOM: Sorry, pal. Waffles only.

{Pan over to a large truck that reads "WAFFLES ONLY", and underneath, in smaller text, "by Stom"}

GFDGSGXGZGDRC: {offscreen} Noooo! Piiiiies!

EDITED VIDEO GREG: So, what are we supposed to be doing again? First Grindolo cursed everyone, and we were trapped in a cave, then we were teleported to Canada, then we stole a diamond, then we went to Blockbuster to find the first video, while Gfd went to a sugar factory, then we remade some movie, and now we need apple pie somehow.

SRMX12: Has anyone been keeping track of this plot?

HONSTLAR: And now... we must FIGHT GRINDOLO, ONCE AND FOR ALL! But first we need to find The Thnikkaman, so he can help us go to the moon.

COACH E: Why is that important?

HONSTLAR: Just sounded cool.

GFDGSGXGZGDRC: What about talkers and matches?

HONSTLAR: Eh, those guys'll survive.

STRONG BAD: Stupid loser...

SRMX12: Can't we stick to the script? {holds up a bunch of papers} Fighting a thousand-year-old evil spirit is pretty cool too, isn't it?

HONSTLAR: Mrmm... you ruin everything.

GFDGSGXGZGDRC: Well, not everything. Just this once.

HONSTLAR: Right. Now, onto whatever we're supposed to be doing!

{EVG Dean and Rabite have left in the search for the BetaFloo Cannonball Portable}

HONSTLAR: Oh, come on!

EDITED VIDEO GREG: So, where might we finds this Betaflop Cannonball Portable?

DEAN: Ob'm know. Why are we doing this again?

EDITED VIDEO GREG: For fun!

DEAN: So, we're just ignoring the people who are cursed with a limited vocabulary, and the evil spirit who's taking over the world? Sounds fine to me.

HONSTLAR: Come on, you guys, we can't just keep getting distracted!

HIGH-PITCHED SINGERS: Here comes the Thnikkaman!

HONSTLAR: No way! It'th the Thnikkaman!

Posted Image Yeah, shut up, slightly-older-than-kids!

EDITED VIDEO GREG: D'ya care to help us find some beige device, while we stave off our responsibility to prevent world domination?

Posted Image Sure thing, kid! I think it's on the moon.

DEAN: Why?

Posted Image Naw, it's a moon-Betaflop Cannonball Portable! Y'know, the kind the planets use to... do whatever a Betaflop Cannonball Portable does!

HONSTLAR: Nice try, tape-man! You won't derail the plot this time!

HIGH-PITCHED SINGERS: There goes the Thnikkaman!

EDITED VIDEO GREG: Aw.

EDITED VIDEO GREG: Look. When one of you has an IDEA OF WHAT TO DO TO CEASE MATCH SPEAK TALK, I will just take advantage of the human world's nessecities in the hopes that leads to it IN MUCH COMEDIC HIJINKS. wait...is this still puppets.

Has it been puppets the whole time we made the movie and crap

{Grindolo out of nowhere}

GRINDOLO: OH COME ON I WAS SUPPOSED TO HAVE A SCENE THREE PAGES AGO

GFDGSGXGZGDRC: Quiet up, Grinm'n! ...Or is it M'ndolo? {gets out a VCR remote and rewinds the toon, then fast-forwards back to the present} Seems like we returned to cartoon-form around the time we made that movie.

EDITED VIDEO GREG: Ah. Makes sense makes sense.

GRINDOLO: Ahem? Can I have my scene now?

GFDGSGXGZGDRC: Oh, right, yeah, sure. {clears throat; looks over at Grindolo} AHHH! IT'S GRINDOLO!

GRINDOLO: FOOLS! I will destroy you all!

{The Platnum Porkpie and Cannonball thingy are next to them}

EDITED VIDEO GREG: I think our problems are over

HONSTLAR: Ohhh, the porkpie! Now I remember what the plot was.

GFDGSGXGZGDRC: How convenient! Thanks, cartoon makers!

SRMX12: Eh. Kind of anticlimactic.

{Cut to Review Revue}

STRONG SAD: What he said!

{Cut back to the scene}

GRINDOLO: Aw man, you guys. Not the porkpie!

HONSTLAR: {puts on the porkpie} I HAVE THE PORKPIE!

''{Lightning appears around him as he slowly levitates. The earth starts shaking. Dramatic music plays. Suddenly, Honstlar is standing on the ground as if nothing had happened, holding a pie.}''

HONSTLAR: What happened?

GFDGSGXGZGDRC: Oh, didn't we tell you? The porkpie doesn't give you magic powers. It just makes pork pies!

{Half of Honstlar's pie falls on the ground, revealing it is filled with meat.}

HONSTLAR: Eww.

STRONG SAD: {conveniently walking into the frame} Ooh! Grody ethnic food! {walks off with the pork pie}

HONSTLAR: So this whole quest was for nothing?

EDITED VIDEO GREG: Helmet quest, you mean.

{the logo appears onscreen, then falls as Honstlar speaks}

HONSTLAR: Well, was it?

GFDGSGXGZGDRC: I guess. I mean, no one ever said it wasn't magic.

SRMX12: Why didn't you tell us?

GFDGSGXGZGDRC: I forgot to mention it.

HONSTLAR: That would be a very important detail, and would have saved us a few hours of time.

GRINDOLO: Come on, you guys. I'm waiting for my epic fight scene!

HONSTLAR: Here goes nothin'.

{Cut to a cinematic shot of Grindolo and the BODH in their fighting poses, prepared for battle, silhouetted by the sunset...}

{Begin le transformation sequence}

HONSTLAR: So, I guess we're turning into Power Helmets again?

SRMX12: Grumble...

STOM: Eh...

EDITED VIDEO GREG: I guess so...

GFDGSGXGZGDRC: No way! I have an idea of something way less rip-off-y and cooler and more cinematic for our dramatic film climax! Ready... GO!!

{The BODH transforms into...}

{the five states of matter including Bose-Einstein}

{They jump into the sky as they transform, then jump down individually}

''{Honstlar comes down first. He looks the same, but made of diamond.}''

THE ANNOUNCER: Diamond Honstlar! Solid!

HONSTLAR: I'm so shiny!

''{Some water comes down next. The water shapes itself into Gfd.}''

THE ANNOUNCER: Water Gfd! Liquid!

GFDGSGXGZGDRC: Have a fish! {a fish comes out of him}

{SRMX12 comes down, colored white and made of clouds}

THE ANNOUNCER: Oxygen SRMX12! Gas!

SRMX12: {poofs away like Sickly Sam}

{EDITED Video Greg comes down, made of blue electricity}

THE ANNOUNCER: Plasma Greg! Er... plasma!

EDITED VIDEO GREG: I could power a small city with my plasma! {fires a ball of electricity}

{Stom comes down, made of ice}

THE ANNOUNCER: Bose-Einstein Stom!

STOM: What's Bose-Einstein?

THE ANNOUNCER: I dunno. From my research, it seems like it's some kind of ice thing.

STOM: Make-a sense.

THE ANNOUNCER: And... wait, what about these guys?

{Cut to Coach E, Rabite, and Dean}

COACH E: There's only five states of matter.

RABITE: I haven't really been in many episodes yet.

DEAN: I'm not technically in the group.

THE ANNOUNCER: All right then. And together, they make... THE BROTERNAL MATTER OF DIFFERENT STATES!

GFDGSGXGZGDRC: So edumacational!

{Grindolo approaches Honstlar whilst muttering about crystals only for Plasma Greg to whilst he is distracted entirely short circuit Pretenders body}

THE PRETENDER: {falls over} Nooo! My robody!! That thing cost like a jillion dollars!

GRINDOLO: Pretender!

{While Grindolo is distracted, Diamond Honstlar kicks him in the side, knocking him down.}

GRINDOLO: Ow! Pointy!

HONSTLAR: What are you gonna do now, Gringuy?

GRINDOLO: Dando! Cleanser! Come to my assistance!

''{Mr. Dando and The Cleanser Geek come}''

HONSTLAR: What? How?! Those characters haven't been introduced at this point in the timeline!

GRINDOLO: Who cares about the timeline anymore? All these episodes are written out of order!

HONSTLAR: Good point.

{Grindolo dramatically picks up the Platinum Porkpie}

GRINDOLO: BWA-HA-HA! With the powers of this stylish headwear, we will be more powerful than anyone can imagine!

GFDGSGXGZGDRC: Hey, you know it doesn't really give you powers, right? It just creates pork pies.

GRINDOLO: Shows how much you know, foolish mortal.

GFDGSGXGZGDRC: Whuh?

GRINDOLO: CHANT! WORDS! TOGETHER!

{The bad guys gather in a circle around the hat}

GRINDOLO: THE PRETENDER:  MR. DANDO:  {{cg}} Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet...

SRMX12: Whaaat are they doing?

GFDGSGXGZGDRC: Lorem ipsum?

EDITED VIDEO GREG: Isn't that some kind of filler text?

HONSTLAR: Commonly used in digital&mdash;

GRINDOLO: THE PRETENDER:  MR. DANDO:  {{cg}} Consectetur adipiscing elit...

GFDGSGXGZGDRC: This is getting creepy.

EDITED VIDEO GREG: It's a waste of time, is what it is. That hat is pretty much useless.

{The hat begins levitating}

EDITED VIDEO GREG: Or we're all doomed.

GRINDOLO: THE PRETENDER:  MR. DANDO:  {{cg}} Sed do eiusmod tempor incididunt ut...

{The earth starts shaking}

SRMX12: What's happening?!

GFDGSGXGZGDRC: Is it creating another pie?

GRINDOLO: THE PRETENDER:  MR. DANDO:  {{cg}} LABORE ET DOLORE MAGNA ALIQUA!

''{An explosion occurs. The hat floats above the bad guys.}''

MR. DANDO: Man, that took a long time to memorize.

GRINDOLO: {turns toward the BODH} Imbeciles! Only the ancient texts can unleash the true untold power of the Platinum Porkpie! You're all doomed!

EDITED VIDEO GREG: {whispering} Told ya.

{The hat becomes a gaseous vapor, which surrounds each bad guy.}

THE PRETENDER: {stands up} My robot suit is back! {his suit gets a cooler upgrade and a metallic green headpiece that matches} With a vengence!

{Cut to The Pretender against a Xeriouxly Forxe-like green background, with his new name written at the side}

THE PRETENDER: SUPER PRETENDO!

{Cut back to the regular scene}

GRINDOLO: Now what about you, Dandym'n?

MR. DANDO: Did you just call me Dan Demon?

GRINDOLO: No, no... Dando-man, like, you know, Dand&mdash;

MR. DANDO: ...Because I like the sound of that!

''{Mr. Dando gets an ominous dark cloak with horns. Cut to him against a red background.}''

MR. DANDO: DAN DEMON!

{{cg}} My turn!

''{The Cleanser Geek is surrounded by soap, sponges, and towels, which combine to form a Scantron-like armor. Cut to her against a purple background.}''

{{cg}} CLEANSOTRON!

GRINDOLO: And lastly... me!!

''{Grindolo transforms into a bigger, scarier, more ghostly version of himself with a visible sharp mouth. Cut to him against a black background.}''

GRINDOLO: DOLO SUPREME!!

{Cut to the upgraded bad guys as a large ungurait army surrounds them}

GRINDOLO: You're outnumbered, helmet fools! What will you do now?

HONSTLAR: uuuhhh, All you guys did was transform. You’re still 4 to 5.

GRINDOLO: Poopity poop.

THE PRETENDER: You don’t think it’ll be THIS easy do you?

GFDGSGXGZGDRC: Thats just a dumb pre tweez whooping liner. You’re setting yourself for the obvious response there.

EDITED VIDEO GREG: Lets keep it brevityrian: no one will go to you crapfaces’ funerals.

''{“Battle Without Honor and Humanity” aka the Kill Bill theme song starts up as different group poses of both groups, individually and together, are synced to the first three trombone notes. Diamond Honstlar begins contracting himself until he has become a being of sand. Water GFD launches ocean pollution which contaminates Oxygen SMRX. Plasma Greg becomes a giant pure ball of energy, causing him to levitate entirely vanish except for a faint out line which resembles that of Dhalsim from Street Fighter. Stom turns into a Yeti.}''

Sand HONSTLAR: Off to never-neverland.

EDITED VIDEO GREG: : Humerous mispronouncation of yoga teleport!

{An army of clams appears behind Honstlar, followed by an army of hamburgers behind GFD.}

Three offscreen ladies: Excuse us, WE’VE got new forms also...

''{Dean, Coach E, and Rabite enter possigin the powers of different flavors of Doritos chips.

Against a fire-and-brimstone hell background, a fireball appears that mutates into Dean}''

DEAN: Spicy Nacho Dean!

''{the background shifts to light green with blue spots as a giant lump of soured cream mutates into

COACH E: Cool Original E!

{against a flashing color background, Rabite, with a complexion resembling the orange of sesame chicken and wearing a dress like a fish that is colored wasabi, whips out a taco a piece of steak, which squirt mayonaise and salt}

RABITE: All the Japan only flavors Rabite!

{three are shown together}

THE LADY DORITOS! Showing guts where the actual company could no-

Liquid GFDGSGXGZGDRC: OH ENOUGH can we fight now?

''{The Lady Doritos all kick the three male villians in the family might could. It works ASAP}''

DEAN: Told you. You just didn't listen

''{the dead bodies of the three males begin to COMBINE with Cleansotron...and form....

THE YORKIE GEEK an Eldritch abomination made of chocolate and with Cleanser's physique}''

THE YORKIE GEEK: YORKIE GEEK MAKE YOU CHOCOLATE

GFDGSGXGZGDRC: Aw cool really? I could go for-

{he is turned into chocolate}

{The lawyer from a Decemberween Mackarel shows up}

Announcer: excuse me madam, you are not allowed to attack with chocolate. {Cut to BODH and co looking} if one of them is allergic to chocolate this whole project could fall off for insensitivity

THE YORKIE GEEK: CUUUURSE YOU JAMES CORDEN - {turns back into the main four defeated}

THE CLEANSER GEEK: Wait what about those chip gals?

Announcer: Everyone likes Doritos. Not everyone likes blackberri-I mean chocolate.

EVERYONE: WE DI&mdash;

HONSTLAR: Wait what do we do about GFD

{Pan over to Choco-Gfd, with a bite taken out of his head}

HONSTLAR: How did you do that?

GFDGSGXGZGDRC: Do what? {takes another bite out of his head}

SRMX12: He did it again!!

GFDGSGXGZGDRC: {continues eating himself until he has completely disappeared}

HONSTLAR: Sniff. We'll all miss chocolate man.

{Gfd reappears in water form}

GFDGSGXGZGDRC: Aww. I liked my chocolate self.

GRINDOLO: {offscreen} Fools... we can never be beaten whilst we wield the unspeakable power of the porkpie!

MR. DANDO: ok try this on for size: I WISH WE WOULD BE DEFEATED WHILST STILL HAVING THE PORKPIE

{other three look in shock}

MR. DANDO: That's right! Just cause I get annoyed by those crazy kids, doesn't mean I have to be on the same league as two Orwellian editors of history and the percinfication of evil itself! I decry us. I just wanna go back to being in the house...

{other three begin being defeated by nothing in particular}

GFDGSGXGZGDRC: Well, that was convenient!

HONSTLAR: I thought I'd never say this, but thanks, Dando!

MR. DANDO: Now, this doesn't mean I like you crazy kids. I'm just not into world domination n' killing people n' whatnot.

DEAN: Didn't you kill the old dean?

{long silence}

MR. DANDO: If you'll excuse me, I have... thing... to do. {clears throat} Peow!

STOM: ...Why did you just say peow?

MR. DANDO: Oh, right! The other part. Peow! {runs away}

GFDGSGXGZGDRC: So, what do we do, now that everyone's defeated?

STOM: Waffles!

EVERYONE: YAAAY!

{Everyone throws waffles in the air}

GFDGSGXGZGDRC: Waffle party! All day long!

HONSTLAR: Now, let's pose for one last shot before the credits roll!

{ominous music}

GRINDOLO: Foolish mortals... you didn't think this movie would end before one last cinematic showdown, did you?

{Pan over to the three bad guys, completely unharmed}

GFDGSGXGZGDRC: Dolo Supreme? How did you survive?

GRINDOLO: We are too powerful to be defeated, for we wield the power of the porkpie!

SRMX12: We need to steal the platinum porkpie! Where did it go?

GRINDOLO: Don't you remember, helmet-havers? We used the porkpie's power to become our upgraded forms! The hat no longer exists physically, and its powers can not be taken from us!

EDITED VIDEO GREG: But&mdash;

GRINDOLO: Silence! I'd like to summon an old friend...

''{The Cleanser Geek takes a radio from hammerspace and mashes go. A familiar electric guitar tune begins...}''

STRONG BAD: {from the radio; singing} TROGDOOOR!!

''{Cracks appear in the ground as the song continues playing. Trogdor rises out of the ground.}''

GRINDOLO: You imbeciles, with the power of the porkpie, our upgraded forms, and the invincible Trogdor the Burninator, nothing will stop us!

{Like the porkpie, the three bad guys turn into gaseous vapors, which are absorbed by Trogdor.}

TROGDOR: {Grindolo's voice} What will you do now, foolish peasants? {The Pretender's voice} Yeah, chumps.

HONSTLAR: Oh mans! They're all Trogdor!

{Yakkity Sax starts playing as a Benny Hill-type chase scene begins.} Trogdor Geek: Not am approved song. For once I agree. Overused. {They run to the brick wall (that one in the field that's like, 3 feet tall and 5 feet wide).} A dead end! We're doomed! TROGDOR:{Grindolo's voice} Burninating the countryside, burninating the helmets! {The Pretender's voice} Who should we start with? {Grindolo's voice} Let's start with the sciency-sounding one. {The Cleanser Geek's voice} What, Bose-Einstein? {Grindolo's voice} Yeah, sure, Einst-Bostein. Whatever that is. {Trogdor tries to burninate Bose-Einstein Stom, but he creates an ice barrier around himself} I think I can do this! {Oxygen SRMX12 floats around Trogdor} TROGDOR:{Grindolo's voice} Do you feel anything? {The Pretender's voice} Just the wind, I think. Well, this isn't a very effective state of matter. GFD summons fish which gets inside Trogdors scales FISH: These are the most consummate Vs I've ever seen! TROGDOR:{Grindolo's voice} Fool, those are regimented Us. {burninates fish, which falls out of his scales} Ooh, deep-fried salmon! {swallows whole} TROGDOR:{Grindolo's voice} That's disgusting. Trogdor: I feel slimey! Yeah, me too. You didn't cook that fish nearly enough. Will you stop talking about food all the time?! We're fighting an invincible dragon possessed by an evil spirit for the fate of the universe here! Wait isn’t it another special where we’re supposed to be fighting Trogdor? {Wide shot. Long pause.} TROGDOR:{Grindolo's voice} Oh, uh, well then. Should I— should I leave now? Or...? N— nah, it's fine, you can stay, I guess. This is more exciting, 'cause this time, Trogdor is possessed by our worst enemies, and we're all made of states of matter. That makes it so much differenter. TROGDOR:{Grindolo's voice} Right, right. Yeah, okay. So, uh, we'll keep fighting, right? Uh, sure, I mean, I guess so. TROGDOR:{Grindolo's voice} Er— yeah. Let's. I mean, like, let's... let's continue. {The dramatic music starts playing again} TROGDOR:{Grindolo's voice} I WILL DESTROY YOU ALL!! {breathes a giant ball of fire and sends it toward the BODH} so how will we beat Trogdor in the future We harnessed the milquetoast power of Strong Sad, but he's not here... So wait, was that in the past or the future? It gets confusing when we write multiple episodes at a time. Psst! Fourth wall! I mean, uh, when we go on several... adventures... at a time. I assume it takes place in the future, since that's episode 13 and this is episode 9. But then again, this episode has Mr. Dando and The Cleanser Geek in it... TROGDOR:{The Cleanser Geek's voice} Thank groodness for that! ...and they aren't introduced until future episodes. Which causes a temporal paradox, and the universe explodes. {The universe explodes. Cut to black. Cut back to the scene, where Gfd is holding a red button.} Good thing I had this universe-repair button in my hat! So whats we does about the times-line? M'dunno. I guess I should ask Branderson to make this episode the season 1 finale. Or the season 2 starter. Or even the episode after Cleanser is introduced. But wait! This episode starts with the cliffhanger set up in episode 8! We can't resolve a cliffhanger 10 episodes later! 'S nothing we haven't done before. Remember the sorority cliffhanger? No, because it takes place in the future. Man, everything takes place in the future these days. As I was saying, that cliffhanger wasn't resolved for 5 episodes! So I guess we can change this episode's position in the timeline. But who is this... "Braaand-ehr-sawn" you speak of? Is it a food? Branderson? He's a real-life guy, you wouldn't understand. Some say he's the supreme overlord. Wha... buh... sputter... I'm the one and only supreme overlord! {Pan left to Homestar with his Viking helmet} HOMESTAR RUNNER: Ever and more, ever and— You stay out of this! Why, if I ever find that "Branding-song"... Now now, this isn't the time to fight our real-world selves... That sounds cool. Can we do that instead? We've been sidetracked too many times in this movie already. Let's save it for another 'sode. Or never. {Pause. Suddenly, the ground starts shaking and the sky turns red as the dramatic music starts again, more intense than ever.} Wha-a-a-a-at is ha-a-appen-i-i-i-ing? The fourth wall's been broken beyond repair! The universe is collapsing all around us! It's all my fault! I got carried away while writing this post!! {The ground cracks. Some rocks and chunks of ground levitate into the sky.} DON'T TALK ABOUT POSTS! Only one thing can stop this... and it's the power of the Platinum Porkpie! Its power is contained within them, who are contained with in an invincible dragon-man! To get the porkpie's power, we must... KILL GRINDOLO AND HIS TWO MINIONS!! And Trogdor. Trogdor (in Grindolos voice): I’m out of here. The worlds being destroyed without my help. Don’t need to do anything now (Leaves taking Porkpie with him) This is just great. We're no longer being chased by an undestroyable fire-breathing monster, but we're still going to be killed by something else. I think I has the solution! For reals this time! This had better not be like the time you made us eat electric sandwiches. Gregm'n, get out that magic book of yours. I'm not going to draw electric sandwiches, am I? Nope, you're going to draw... THE GOLDEN FEDORA! {Cut to the BODH as they all gasp} An intelligent plan from Gfd? How? And how did we not think of it first? You guys, I'm just a total genius, you guys. I know totally, like... plus G, and... something-squared equals? It's seven, right? Is seven a math? Oh man, I should be a mathematicitatitian! Or a mathologist! {The BODH just stares at him} Your IQ is the most bizarre thing I have witnessed. Just when you think it can't get lower... it flips back to a university professor. I know! Can you believe it? JUST DRAW THE FEDORA! {draws the fedora, which comes out of the page} Let's does this! {puts on the fedora; close-up} I WISH WE HAD AN ARMY OF EVERY SINGLE CHARACTER EVER INTRODUCED TO THE HOMESTAR RUNNER UNIVERSE!! {Behind the BODH, every single Homestar Runner character appears, each wearing a unique helmet. The sheer power of this feat shatters the fedora into pieces. The BODH stare at Gfd with a disappointed expression.} Why'd you have to wish for that? Of all the things! You could've wished for the universe to stop collapsing so it won't kill us all... but no, you had to wish for every character to be killed off! Relax. We can't be killed off! We're funny cartoon characters, as well as the only personas of a group of wiki-users. Plus, that's the whole point of a dramatic climax! Just when you think the heroes are going to fail, they somehow succeed and beat the bad guy against all odds! Keeping that in mind, it is very unlikely that— {Cut to a rainy graveyard at night. There are eight gravestones, each with a BODH member's name on it, plus Dean. Solemn music plays for several seconds.} {walking in from the left} Hey, what a coincidence! Some people with the same names as us died. Oh well, we'd better get back to fighting that dragon! But I still don't see why you needed to wish for every character to help us. Because it's awesome! This is a cinematic final battle we're having here. We need to make this epic battle epic somehow! That doesn't seem to be a priority right now. Doesn't matter. This is fictional. Well well, Trogdor, think you can you beat us now? CHAAARGE! Hold up. If it’s every Homestar character...does that mean... (Close up on the BODHs Trogdor) This will be easier done than said. TROGDOR FIGHT! It's what I've always dreamed! (Both Trogdor breathe at each other...and freeze midway) What the Sam Kinison just happened? You know the unstobbable force and immovable object paradox? Our idea of intellectual stimulation is fourth wall jokes so no. Grindolo Trogdor: To be fair you have to- Enough. In a nutshell, it’s like King vs King in chess. Good and evil. Negative and positive. They cancel each other out. (Both Trogdors merge...) (BODH trembling) ooorrr maybe they form a new entity... inks himself Hey in the episode where we make the movie isn’t your - (background suttenly shatters like glass, talking our all the HR characters with it) NOOO! DOH! DIDILIDINGSONGCRAP! MY 2018 COSTUMES GONE (Only BODH and the merging Trogdors are left as they merge into a Haldor esque wldtricth lovecraft Kafka abomination) (opening to Beelzeboss by Tenacious D begins) Ultimate Final Please at Least Try to Progress the Script Soon Trogdor (in a voice like a French accented Donkey with a sore throat who has an addiction to eating sandpaper)

c h u m p s c h u m p s c h u m p s not a n a pppproV Edd JOOJOKE BODH: CraaaaaaaAAAAAPPP! Quick I gotta Cut off his head several times until dead from blood loss. (Every word said spasms across white background) What's happening?! ULTIMATE FINAL PLEASE AT LEAST TRY TO PROGRESS THE SCRIPT SOON TROGDOR: I cCReaT T Ted y0UuuuuCHEMtRA Ails S {Plasma Greg fires a ball of electricity at Trogdor, to no effect. Trogdor burninates Water Gfd, evaporating him, but Bose-Einstein Stom freezes him back into a liquid. Oxygen SRMX12 flies around Trogdor quickly. While Trogdor is distracted, Spicy Nacho Dean sends a spicy fireball at him. Trogdor deflects the ball off his beefy arm, sending it toward Diamond Honstlar, who dodges.} It's no use. We'll never be able to beat these guys. I think I have a plan... cutting off his head multiple times until he dies of blood loss? Perhaps, but first things first, Japanese abmitionation Rabite? We’ve got something for you to do. Rabite: About TIME. Show him all your formations. (She switches through all the Japanese flavor forms at inhumane speed and Trogdor is blinded) Trogdor: StroAaaa nnnfff gggbadian news ShhOuld be crapped on not praised (closed eyes due to intense brain trauma) Now as for that plan {Everyone leans toward SRMX12 as Trogdor opens his eyes, unblinded} {whispering} Psst psst psst... psst. Psst, psst psst psst. Psst? Psst. {Everyone nods in approval} That just might/could work! Coach E! Do your thing! {runs in a circle around Trogdor, sending sour cream lasers at him, to no effect} Take this! TROGDOR: w̷h̷ ̷ W H A T are YOYOU do ooi̵n̷G̶ iAM i n v in ci bl EE̶E Distracting you, of course! TROGDOR: YYYou r dist r a c t i o ns WwwILL nOOOghghqht work oN ME E e e e e̴ e̷̼̤̻͑̊̐ e̵̡̡̠͕͇͓̜̗̜͍̤̘̪̰͙͉̼̓̓̒̀͂͒̔̒̕ {Trogdor attempts to burninate Cool Original E, but she shields herself with a lump of sour cream} Unnecessarily-Long-Named-Trogdor is distracted! Now's our chance to initiate the plan! {Water Gfd shapes himself into a puddle and slides under Trogdor's feet} All right. I'm done distracting you. TROGDOR: bbb URNINNN at95ghqe THE Cooooo u n t r y s i d E {under Trogdor's feet} Nice try, chumps... {Water Gfd makes his puddle taller than Trogdor, causing Trogdor float in a 3D cylinder of water. Gfd's face appears on the tower of water.} ...but turning into a possessed-morphed-together-Trogdor-abomination is not an approved joke! Yeah, and... wait, does Grindolo have a catch phrase too? I don't think so. It's a real shame... it would've made that line so much cooler. Not that it wasn't cool already, but— QUIT STALLING AND FOLLOW THE PLAN! TROGDOR:{bubbles incomprehensibly underwater} Bose-Einstom, it's your thyme to shine! Come on, Stom! You can defeat this guy once and for all! {The dramatic music intensifies} {creates a freezing ball of ice, aims it at the water, and...} (it just freezes the water) aw for Sake's pete. They'll be plenty of talk in a gravely deep voice where you're going. TROGDOR: is t is os iase FoRRRRRr the Strong Badod- (SMRX launches literal gas, gasoline at the burnination, which causes it to explode and Trogdor to flash away as a star Team Rocket/upward vertical kill in Smash Bros) Ya see? I said the line before that so he could appreciate it. Anyone? We finally killed Grindolo! And The Pretender! And The Cleanser Geek! And Abomination Trogdor! And Gfd! EVERYONE: YAAAY!! {pause} Wait, that explosion killed Gfd? Probably. I mean, he was the water... Oh, okay, cool. {Everyone starts walking offscreen to the Pillquarters} We'll never have to worry about our emergency rations and/or headquarters being eaten again! ...Oh, and the bad guys too. Rabite: Wait if that final fourth wall break broke the universe how can there be- (Pillquarters vanishes) Crikey... Branderson just changed this episode to the twelfth episode, thereby fixing continuity errors, which means our fourth-wall breaky conversation never happened, which means the universe never broke, which means the Pillquarters is back. {The universe goes back to normal and the Pillquarters spontaneously appears} Oh, good. Aww man it was so cool having that final battle against a white field of nothing We were in a white field of nothing? I thought we were in the field with a red background and chunks of the ground cracking and floating up all around us! It's inconvenient sometimes to not have visuals for these toons. Yeah, I can't even see my own hand! Just a bunch of talkwords. Heyheyhey, you guys, ixnay on the ourth-fay all-way! So, who wants to go inside for a victory party and waffle-have? EVERYONE: YAAAY!! {Cut to the Pillquarters, where everyone except Gfd is celebrating} {raising a piece of toast} To our wondrous victory! wheres GFD He's dead, remember? Oh, right. {continues eating} (Gfd comes crashing on a motorcycle.) Gfd: COLD SPAGHETTI, BLESS THIS MESS!! Aw man... I mean, Gfd? You're alive! How? For plot convenience! Ohhh. Of course. Now how 'bout some tiny sammiches? {holds up a shiny platter of tiny sammiches} EVERYONE: YAAAY!! {Confetti rains down} (Homsar falls from the 'bove) Homsar: Hold up 16 college cards, high schools and licenses where we look for files to make the best changes in the problem. a problem. What? Mr. Stlar, could you perchance translate? Honstlar: I think he either said "Ow, my pants are too tight" or "Rewrites abound." That makes perfect sense! {Everybody laughs for no reason at all} (THE END.) (We then cut to Largth pitching the movie to Brody and ROM.) Largth: Well, what do you think? Brody: I think I lost track after the Porkpie made pork pies. Raster: Yeah, that was confusing. Brody: Too many characters that shouldn't have been there at that point, a weird ending, it was good, but probably needs a rewrite. Raster: No offence, but this seems more like a first draft. Largth: Oh, well I think it's more like the finished product Brody and Raster: Why? Largth: Because you're in it. (The two look at the camera.) Brody: Oh, so THAT'S why we try not to break the fourth wall. (END. FOR REALS.) (A cursor clicks on the "REALS." and we cut to the ungraits.) Lackey #50: I can't believe the boss is dead already. Lackey #27: (In a Russian accent) Yeah, I kinda liked working for him Killian: It's all Waddlers fault! That braindead dwarf is gonna pay for this!! All: YEAH!! Killian: We need to rise up!!! All: YEAH!!! Killian: We need to bring back the boss!!!! All: YEAH!!!! Killian: WE NEED A PLAN!!!!! All: YEA-Oh. The Pretender: I might have a suggestion... Narrator: What's this? A petrifying plan from the perilous Pretender? What does this mean for Honstlar? Will Grindolo rise again again? Find out in the Broternal Videogame of Different Helmets! Rated T for tertiary Same Broternal Time, Same Broternal Channel! (END OF EASTER EGGS)