Inanimate Objects in Decidedly Non-Inanimate Situations/Episode 12a

Description: Strong Badia invades! Is IODNIS over?

Transcript
{The four remaining objects are out in the field chatting}

CARDBOARD MARZIPAN: Those troublemakers sure are making trouble, aren't they?

HUMIDIBOT: Who knows how they'll mess up the next episode!

DRIVE-THRU WHALE: Eleven soaps for eleven brothers.

HUMIDIBOT: Yeah, those brothers really need to wash up!

CARDBOARD MARZIPAN: I don't think his words are meant to be interpreted literally.

{Humidibot glances at Frank}

HUMIDIBOT: You've been quiet.

FRANK BENNEDETTO: The horrors of battle lay heavy on my mind. War changes a man.

CARDBOARD MARZIPAN: You're a popcorn machine.

{The Lappier burrows up to the surface from underground}

HUMIDIBOT: How you did that?!

LAPPIER: I'm 1/8th Bugs Bunny. On my grandlappy's side.

{The benches pop up}

STRONG BAD: {singing} The teams are gone

So girl, let's go out to my neighbor's lawn

and set fire to some stuff

I'll bring Solo cups

I'm tired of this song so come on and vote 'em up

LAPPIER: Back to just three voters today.

KING OF TOWN: {offscreen} Boo!

LAPPIER: Introducing the cake... a break-Strong-Bad-out-of-jail cake!

{He brings out a Jack Hamma covered in frosting}

DRIVE-THRU WHALE: Wait for our pastor to deface your basement.

LAPPIER: For the first one safe, it's everybody's favorite who has never been voted. It's Frank Bennedetto!

{He attempts to cut the cake, but just manages to bend the knife}

LAPPIER: Whoops. Guess it's too hard to cut.

FRANK BENNEDETTO: Gimme a military grade waterjet cutter, I could do it.

CARDBOARD MARZIPAN: {whispers to Humidibot} How'd he get so beloved when his one trait is mentioning the military in every single sentence?

HUMIDIBOT: Uh, I think there's more to him than that!

LAPPIER: Cardzipan?

CARDBOARD MARZIPAN: That's me!

LAPPIER: You are also safe. Have some frosting.

{He scrapes some off the Jack Hamma and tosses it against the cardboard}

HUMIDIBOT: Ooh

LAPPIER: Now, Humidibot and the Whale. Humidibot, you've collected a heck of a lot of votes to eliminate, and barely scrape by each time.

HUMIDIBOT: Don't ask me, I'm just Humidibot!

LAPPIER: Drive-Thru, you've managed to win the audience with your potable quotents. But now that the stakes are higher, that could change.

DRIVE-THRU WHALE: Please read the manual before entering the slime pit.

LAPPIER: Say goodbye to--

{The familiar funk metal arrangement of Strong Badia's anthem plays out}

LAPPIER: --for noodle's sake!

{The Tire, Stop Sign, Cinder Block, and Bear Holding a Shark stroll casually into the scene}

STOP SIGN: Hey.

LAPPIER: What do you guys want?

CINDER BLOCK: Oh, you didn't know? You forgot to count OUR votes!

LAPPIER: Voting is over. It's been like a month--

TIRE: {interrupting} Oh, I think you have time for a few more.

LAPPIER: {rolls his eyes} I'm afraid to ask.

TIRE: I vote to eliminate... the Lappier!

LAPPIER: WHAT?!

CINDER BLOCK: I vote Lappier too!

{The Bear Holding a Shark growls and points at the Lappier}

STOP SIGN: Cardboard Marzipan!

{The other members of the Strong Badia gang give him a funny look}

STOP SIGN: {shrug} I don't like her style.

LAPPIER: Listen, you guys, this is all fun and games, and silly pranks, but you can't come around and interfere with our high stakes competition like it's a diaper school playground.

TIRE: Uh huh...

LAPPIER: It's not fair to the objects who have worked their butts to gain fame and fortune on this show. Now just... turn around, and head on back to Strong Badia, and maybe learn a lesson about playing fair. Alright?

TIRE: That's fair. Hey, you guys gotta realise one thing - all we're about is fairness...

{He suddenly knee strikes Lappier right in the monitor and drops him with the Pedigree}

FRANK BENNEDETTO: {shocked} An act of terrorism!

''{The popcorn maker charges toward the Tire only to be caught by the Cinder Block. Cinder Block leaps up and drops his leg on Frank's "neck" with the Famouser}''

CINDER BLOCK: Oh brick yeah!

{Cardboard Marzipan tries to sneak away but runs directly into Stop Sign}

CARDBOARD MARZIPAN: I couldn't bribe you with a hot make-out session, could I?

''{The Stop Sign starts dancing. He shakes, rattles, and rolls and then knocks Cardboard Marzipan out of Homestar's grip with one sucker punch}''

STOP SIGN: {posturing} Welcome to the traffic jam!

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {startled} WAH! Uh, I'm not here! I'm invisible!

{Pan over to Humidibot, who has begun bumping into the Bear Holding a Shark aggressively}

HUMIDIBOT: You guys stop! Stop right now!

''{The Bear Holding a Shark no-sells the weak onslaught. He rears back and roars full volume at Humidibot}''

HUMIDIBOT: Er... please stop?

{The Bear winds up and sends Humidibot spinning with a mighty smack with the Shark}

HUMIDIBOT: {dizzy} That didn't work!

TIRE: Now listen up, you candidates for the Ebay "for parts only" auctions, this is a new order in professional wrestl--I mean object shows! From the place where the tropical breezes blow, comes the shady band of inanimate missionaries! The On Point Objects!

CINDER BLOCK: And if you're not down with that--

{The gang is interrupted by another theme song playing out -- "Everybody To The Limit"}

TIRE, CINDER BLOCK AND STOP SIGN: {gasp} El Presidente!

''{Strong Bad himself enters into the scene, with an exaggerated staggered walk. He is accompanied by wild applause}''

STRONG BAD: {waving} Thank you, thank you everyone! You suck a little bit less than most!

{Pan left to reveal that Strong Sad is playing recorded applause on his tape player}

STRONG BAD: That will be all.

STRONG SAD: No prob Bob.

{He switches the tape off}

STRONG BAD: Now what's this I hear about Strong Badia invading IODNIS and causing lots of chaos and destruction?

TIRE: Yep, that's us.

STRONG BAD: That's awesome! Invading a game show and doing muscular wrestling moves on the host and contestants is something I would totally do! But...

CINDER BLOCK: But?

STRONG BAD: I am a showman at heart, and thusly, must give the peoples what they want. And what the people want is...

STOP SIGN: More Sbemails?

STRONG BAD: {quickly} Shutup. {speaking normally} ...a no-holds-barred wrestling match at the next AWMPSCE pay-per-viewverseries!!

{The Lappier picks himself off the ground and groans}

LAPPIER: What's this I'm hearing?

STRONG BAD: It's simple, my ambiguously outdated computer friend. It'll be the badawesome forces of Strong Badia, highest of all made-up countries, versus you and... whatever crappy objects you got working for you.

LAPPIER: In that case, peep this one. Like really, peep this one. My team's gonna have the semi-lovely Cardboard Marzipan!

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {overheard} Gimme a minute! She blew away in the wind!

LAPPIER: My team's gonna have the Homestarmy's best, Frank Bennedetto!

FRANK BENNEDETTO: {clutching his head} Ugh... Aye aye, sir...

LAPPIER: And my team's gonna have ME, the Lappier!

HUMIDIBOT: But... that means either me or the whale won't make it on to the team, doesn't it?

STRONG SAD: Oh man, what suspense.

{The Lappier draws out the suspense for a few seconds}

LAPPIER: And finally, my team's gonna have HUMIDIBOT!

HUMIDIBOT: YAY! I'm totally in!

LAPPIER: Which means Drive-Thru Whale is totally out.

''{The vacuum tube lowers down and... tries to suck Drive-Thru Whale in, but he is stuck too far in the ground}''

LAPPIER: Oh. I guess you can stand in your usual spot and uh... be yourself.

DRIVE-THRU WHALE: Never sink twice when you can drown once.

STRONG BAD: Lemme holla at you like this - this April, in this very ring... er, the ring at empty high school gymnasium, it'll be your team vs. the On Point Objects from Strong Badia in a no-disqualification lumberjack match. Surrounding the ring will be all the eliminated contestants, and recommended characters that failed to join! And the winner gets total control of Animate Inanimate Whatever Thingies! Now can you dig that, player?

LAPPIER: Holla back!

TIRE: Yeah, whatever...

LAPPIER: That means this episode is gonna be split. See you on the flippy flop! ''{The post credit scene is Frank Bennedetto walking home for the day. As soon as he reaches Marzipan's front porch, he spies Tire leaning against the door}''

TIRE: {waves} Yo.

FRANK BENNEDETTO: Eh?!

TIRE: So, you're pretty determined to stay with those total losers, aren't you?

FRANK BENNEDETTO: Indeed.

TIRE: You saw how they crumpled against us this morning. You'd practically be facing us all by yourself.

FRANK BENNEDETTO: {rubs his neck} They could benefit from basic training...

TIRE: Ever thought about being on the winning side?

FRANK BENNEDETTO: Hm?

TIRE: You know. You can see the writing on the wall and you know what you gotta do.

FRANK BENNEDETTO: What makes you think--

TIRE: You're too good for this team. That robot, and that cardboard lady, and the Lappier are inevitably gonna screw up, and get themselves beaten and you will have to suffer the consequences for it. But it doesn't have to be this way.

FRANK BENNEDETTO: I'm sure they won't lose.

TIRE: Anything could happen. But you could arrange things so you come out on top. You could finally get some recognition for your impressive skills.

FRANK BENNEDETTO: You think my skills are impressive?

TIRE: Better than anyone else in the Homestarmy. Your talents are seriously wasted.

FRANK BENNEDETTO: I don't know if I could...

TIRE: Just think about it. You're about to wage a war you can't possibly win. It's the only choice that makes any sense.

{Frank stays silent for a moment}

TIRE: Keep in touch.

{He jumps down the porch stairs and exits}