Stinkoman Email/10

Stinkoman Email #10: Multiverse

Summary: Stinkoman creates an alternate universe portal and ends up meeting his creator, Strong Bad. As a result, chaos ensues.

Cast (in order of appearance): Strong Bad, The Cheat, 1-Up, Homestar Runner, Stinkoman, Marzipan, Pan Pan, Marzia, Pom Pom, The King of Town, The Poopsmith, Smithy, Emeperor Multiverse, Strong Sad, Coach Z, Bubs

Places: Strong Bad's House, The Field, Marzipan's House

Date: November 25, 2020

Stinkoman Email #10: Multiverse
''{Open up to the standard view of Strong Bad sitting at his computer desk with his current computer as of this email's release, the Lappier. He is checking an email on it and does his usual email song.}''

STRONG BAD: There's no such thing as a stupid email, except the one that you send me.

subject: multiverse Dear Strong Bad,

Do you believe in multiverse theory? Like with multiple Strong Bads?

Sincerely, Abdi LaRue San Diego, CA

STRONG BAD: {typing} Have we really gotten to this point where we're just recycling "the best of" from this show? I've already answered this email! Granted, it was phrased somewhat differently. Take a look.

{Strong Bad types out "play_alternateuniverse.swf" and a section of the Strong Bad Email, "alternate universe", starts playing on the Lappier's screen.}

STRONG BAD: {on-screen} Well Ms. Dozer, you pretty much answered question mark number one with question mark number two. Cuz a hundred million dollars is exactly how much The Cheat spent on our alternate universe portal. Isn't that right, The Cheat?

{Strong Bad closes the video and resumes typing as he would normally.}

STRONG BAD: If there's four things that I hate most in the world... it's long-running shows recycling old ideas, repetition, long-running shows recycling old ideas and numbered lists. But, sure. Let's go on this merry-go-round one more time! Oh, gee! I wonder what ambitious crossovers may occur!

''{Cut to a wide view of the desk. The Cheat is standing to the right of the Lappier with a blender containing a Nintendo Switch.}''

STRONG BAD: {boredly} Alright, The Cheat. You know what to do.

{The Cheat salutes and presses the button on the blender, but instead of a portal, 1-Up just appears in a flash of light.}

STRONG BAD: Uh, hello? This isn't exactly what I was expecting.

1-UP: Stinkoman! What happened to your head? It's so big!

STRONG BAD: Oi! My head is the perfect size, thank you very much! I will not stand for this body-shaming.

1-UP: Where am I? This isn't Stinkoman Headquarters?

STRONG BAD: Yeah, uh, no. This isn't whatever you just said. This is my house and that's my The Cheat!

{The Cheat makes some introductionary noises and smiles a toothy grin.}

1-UP: Hi, Stinkoman's house. Hi, the feet.

{The Cheat makes some annoyed grunting noises.}

STRONG BAD: Woah, language!

{Cut to The Field, where Homestar Runner is standing around alone talking to himself.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: And that's why it's not a phase, mom!

{Suddenly Stinkoman appears in a flash of white light, landing dramatically on the grass in front of Homestar Runner.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Who in the c'wap are you?

STINKOMAN: I go by Stinkoman. That's the name of talented fighter if ever there was one. Who are you?

HOMESTAR RUNNER: I'm the Homestar Runner. Some folk say I'm a terrific athlete.

STINKOMAN: Well I folk say you're a terrific liar! On account of the fact that I am the greatest fighter who ever lived and therefore could wipe the floor with you!

HOMESTAR RUNNER: You seem like you might not be from around here.

STINKOMAN: No way! The place I come from is much more well defined with thick black lines and detailed shiny eyes! Check it out!

''{The camera zooms in on Stinkoman's hyper-detailed shiny eyes that look like the were drawn by the greatest Japanese artists there ever were. He winks at the camera, before it returns to a wide-shot of Stinkoman and Homestar standing around.}''

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Well, I don't think ouw'r cartoon is that bad! Sometimes things can be chawr-ming in their simplicity. Like just-now, just-now. I was supposed to be running some errands for Marzipan and got distracted arguing with myself!

STINKOMAN: How long ago was that?

HOMESTAR RUNNER: About five hours.

''{It cuts to Marzipan sitting on her usual couch with Pan Pan sitting on the other end with a nice cup of steaming green tea. Peaceful music plays in the background.}''

MARZIPAN: And sometimes it's like he doesn't even listen to me. I just don't think we're compatible.

PAN PAN: {Badalang, badalang, badalang.}

MARZIPAN: But, despite his flaws, he's still so very sweet and he means well. I mean, have you seen the other guys around here? Needless to say, my options are limited.

PAN PAN: {Badalang, badalang, badalang.}

MARZIPAN: Oh, Pan Pan. It's like you actually listen to me. I think it is just time that I face facts. Homestar isn't the one. I'm going to break up with him as soon as he gets back.

''{Screen wipe. Close-up of Pom Pom with intensity in his eyes. He is furious about something. The camera spins around with anime speed lines as he bounces off of what appears to be a robotic ninja. As the camera spins around more, it reveals more robotic ninjas fighting Pom Pom as he bounces off of each of them in a variety of kicks, flips and punches until they are all lying unconscious on the ground with smoke lingering from their bodies. A mysterious, yet familiar voice breaks the silence.}''

MARZIA: I've been looking for you.

''{Pom Pom stands dramatically before slowly turning to look at the girl wearing a long purple cloak. She lowers the hood, revealing her face.}''

POM POM: {bubbles noises}

MARZIA: You're correct. I'm not from around here.

POM POM: {bubbles noises}

MARZIA: No. Not from the future, though I could understand why you'd make that mistake. I'm from another reality entirely and my research leads me to believe that you may be the most competent one in this dimension.

''{Pom Pom doesn't respond right away, but his expression becomes more approachable as he bounces delicately toward Marzia-chan. She pulls out a thin screen which projects a holographic three-dimensional image of Strong Bad's head spinning.}''

MARZIA: You may be familiar with this individual. Approximately ten minutes ago, this here... Strong Bad... and his counterpart in my dimension opened a multiverse gateway that caused a stable link between our two dimensions and exclusively only our two dimensions.

{As Marzia-chan continues to explain, her holographic projections change to reflect whatever it is that she is talking about.}

MARZIA: This did not go unnoticed and has caught the attention of my father, Emperor Multiverse, who consumes galaxies. There was a time where he merely did it for survival, however, this has slowly morphed into gluttony. Now his greed knows no bounds and he will consume all the galaxies in one universe and move on to the next. Now that Strong Bad and Stinkoman have unknowingly given him access to your dimension, there is no telling how much time we have left before this planet becomes his next meal.

POM POM: {makes some more bubbling noises}

MARZIA: {genuinely shocked} You're saying there's someone like that in this dimension too?

{Cut to The King of Town and The Poopsmith standing around in the castle, just having a casual conversation like nothing is wrong.}

THE KING OF TOWN: And if you mix in the gravy with bacon it goes quite well on waffles.

''{The Poopsmith's eyes widen, like something off-screen has surprised him and he pulls out his shovel from behind his back, taking a battle-ready stance. The King of Town turns around to see what The Poopsmith is reacting to and from the shadows, a tall Poopsmith-like figure wearing black robotic armor and red eyes walks out with his own shovel, albiet much more spikey and weapon-like.}''

THE KING OF TOWN: Guards, guards! How did no-one hear this intruder come in? D'oh, I don't pay ya'... {The sentence is phrased in a way like he was going to continue, but he just trails off into silence.}

''{With a quickness, the dark robotic figure jumps leaps from his position and gets behind The King of Town, holding the large shovel to his neck. The Poopsmith stands, looking intensely, unsure what to do.}''

THE KING OF TOWN: Oooh, oooh! I'll give you all my treasures, my food, my one video game! Just tell me what you desire!

EMPEROR MULTIVERSE: He doesn't speak.

''{The room starts to fill with a dark cloud, as a mysterious large figure comes out from the shadows. He looks similar to The King of Town, but with a blue and black pattern along his robes and a helmet that looks vaguely like Darth Vader or The Shredder, accompanied by a large robotic mustache. A large flowing cape and spikes pointing upward coming from his back. He is a menacing emperor-like character.}''

EMPEROR MULTIVERSE: Excellent work, Smithy.

SMITHY: {nods}

EMPEROR MULTIVERSE: Keep my childish counterpart locked up in the dungeons. We have no idea yet if killing them will effect us in any way.

{Smithy would nod once more and proceed to jump off back into the shadows, carrying The King of Town along with him.}

EMPEROR MULTIVERSE: {looks at The Poopsmith} You. Lesser Smithy. Bring us to the one you call... Strong Bad. I would like to speak to my creator.

''{The Poopsmith hesitates, unsure if he should attack, as several guards come running in. The ones that haven't already been rendered unconscious earlier when Smithy snuck in. Emperor Multiverse breathes in heavily and then blows out, sending a large blast of wind toward The Poopsmith and the guards and making them go flying out the tall castle tower window. Represented by cartoony silhouettes despite the scene getting really serious. Cut to an establishing shot of Strong Bad's house as it slowly zooms in.}''

STRONG BAD: This isn't exactly the hilarious hijinks that I had in mind!

{Cut to the interior, where Strong Bad is sitting at his computer chair and Stinkoman is sitting on the desk next to him.}

STINKOMAN: Well, gee! What exactly were you hoping for?

STRONG BAD: I dunno, man! Like, I was expecting another anniversary special email where I visit more variations of our colorful cast of characters. Not exclusively a crossover with my Japanimation brother from another mother.

STINKOMAN: From email checker to email checker, I can totally relate! Half of my emails aren't even about challenges! What is the deal with that?

STRONG BAD: Do you ever get the same question over and over again, like... "Dear Strong Bad. How do you type with boxing gloves on?"

STINKOMAN: Would you be offended if I was thinking that exact thing just now?

STRONG BAD: ACK-GRK! You literally have round shiny balls for hands!

STINKOMAN: Hey, these aren't any ordinary shiny balls for hands. These are my double deeeeeeeuuuce busters! They go by no other name! That comment makes me insulted! Are you asking for a challenge?

STRONG BAD: What I'm asking for is for something more interesting than the two of us sitting around talking!

{Marzia walks on-screen with Pom Pom bouncing in from the right side of the screen, accompanying her.}

MARZIA: We need to talk.

STRONG BAD: I need to start locking my door.

STINKOMAN: Woah, Marzia! You're here too? What a coincidence!

MARZIA: It's no coincidence. Your universe is in great peril. Time is of the essence.

STRONG BAD: Someone as hot as you? You can take as much of my time as you like!

''{Marzia-chan's eyes widen. She was not expecting to be flirted with so bluntly and it clearly makes her uncomfortable.}''

MARZIA: Strong Bad. I'm from another dimension's version of the year 20X6. In that dimension, there exists an evil overlord named Emperor Multiverse who consumes galaxies. Not merely for nourishment, but for greed. You are the key to saving us all.

STRONG BAD: Woah! I knew I was awesome, but that just takes the cake! Are you sure you got the right guy, though? I'm pretty sure I don't have any super fancy powers or anything like that. Well, except for that one thing.

''{For a few seconds, it flashes back to Strong Bad Email #25, in which he demonstrates his super power of telepathy, opening up a beer bottle with his mind. Then it cuts back to present-day.}''

MARZIA: What you can do is far greater than even that. Use your imagination.

STRONG BAD: I'm imaginin' as hard as I can and I still don't see what you mean.

MARZIA: Not figuratively. Literally. You know that something about this whole thing isn't right.

STRONG BAD: Hey, yeah! Didn't I invent this guy?

{Strong Bad gestures to Stinkoman, who looks very much confused by this revelation.}

STINKOMAN: HOO-HAH?

STRONG BAD: Yeah. Strong Bad Email #57. I was asked about what I'd look like as a Japanese cartoon and then it cut to a white screen and... Stinkoman just sort of happened.

STINKOMAN: So, that's just it? I'm a figment of this Strong Bad dude's imagination? Like Sweet Cuppin' Cakes, Teen Girl Squad or some third thing?

STRONG SAD: Actually, it goes even deeper than that!

STRONG BAD: Uh, who invited the truck-dump?

''{Strong Sad walks in from the left side of the screen. The screen is now overcrowded with characters.}''

STRONG SAD: You're a fanfiction on a fan wiki that was created as a follow-up to a since deleted fan wiki based on another wiki based on a flash cartoon on the Internet in which we all occupy!

STRONG BAD: My brain... it melted. Goodbye, brain.

STINKOMAN: So, wait. If Strong Bad's not my creator, then who is?

STRONG BAD: And who created them?

STRONG SAD: Woah, woah, woah. That's a deep, philosophical can of worms that not even I dare open.

STINKOMAN: There's one thing I know for sure. The three things you don't talk about are politics, religion and anything that hones the audience's focus on the many ways our cartoon just doesn't make sense.

STRONG BAD: Okay, now I know for sure that the real Stinkoman wouldn't say anything like that.

STINKOMAN: Yeah, and you'd of been cancelled by Twitter ten times over for your past wrongdoings, so shut your face-mouth!

MARZIA: What part of "time is of the essence" didn't register with you buffoons? Emperor Multiverse might be here any minute.

EMPEROR MULTIVERSE: {echoes} Or is already here.

''{Maniacal laughter ensues and all the characters crowd around the window so they can look outside and see Emperor Multiverse, Smithy and two of the robotic ninjas that Pom Pom was fighting earlier, as clear as day. 1-Up suddenly appears sticking his face to the window, obnoxiously.}''

1-UP: Hey, guys! What'd I miss? Woah, that guy is tall!

MARZIA: Stinkoman, 1-Up, Pom Pom and I will hold them off. Strong Bad, get to imagining. You're our only hope.

STRONG BAD: Uh, I mean... uh, okay. I don't really have a choice.

''{Strong Bad's still just confused by the whole thing and I would honestly be too, if I were in this situation. Cut to 1-Up, Stinkoman, Marzia-chan and Pok Pom dramatically approaching their foes, walking toward the character in slow-motion as the pre-battle music begins to play.}''

EMPEROR MULTIVERSE: Daughter. I was not expecting to see you.

MARZIA: Can't run from my problems forever. I'm putting an end to you once and for all.

EMPEROR MULTIVERSE: I see you got Strong Bad back there. But, it's not going to do you much good. His brain cannot be observed even at the atomic level.

1-UP: I can see where Marshall gets his stunning good looks from, sir.

STINKOMAN: 1-Up, this is not the time!

1-UP: Oh, right, right! The pipes are broken!

''{As 1-Up screams out this strange phrase, he leaps from his position, spinning around in a horizontal fashion with his robot boot out-stretched. As his kick is about to connect with Emperor Multiverse's face, Smithy steps in and blocks the kick with his shovel causing 1-Up to fall backwards on to his posterior.}''

1-UP: Hey, no fair! He's hacking!

STINKOMAN: Well, 1-Up. It's time for you to put all of the training to good use.

1-UP: What training?

STINKOMAN: All of that off-screen training that we were totally doing in between emails!

1-UP: Oh, right! That training! Time for the most well-animated anime fight scene of all time!

STINKOMAN: But, this is a script-based show!

''{Before the one reading this has time to mentally untangle that web of meta jokes, it cuts to Strong Bad back at his computer desk as the camera slowly zooms in on him trying to think. Visible veins pop up on his head as he really, really tries to concentrate.}''

STRONG BAD: Think, Strong Bad. Think. There's still time, there's still time! Focus, focus, focus!

''{It cuts back to Pom Pom and Stinkoman fighting off against the two other robotic ninjas who act as Emperor Multiverse's henchman. The fight is intense, but not necessary to describe. It cuts back to Strong Bad microwaving a hot pocket.}''

STRONG BAD: {looks at camera} Look. I can't do my best creative work on an empty stomach.

''{That was a reasonable enough explanation. It cuts back to the fight outside and it seems clear that Stinkoman, 1-Up and Pom Pom are losing and are getting progressively more beaten up and worn out. It cuts back to Strong Bad drawing on a piece of paper.}''

STRONG BAD: Okay, so first we draw a circle... then we kind of just.

''{He draws an angry face on the circle and makes it breathe fire. It cuts to a wide-shot now where Strong Bad just has a bunch of crumpled up paper.}''

STRONG BAD: Yeah, these aren't really ideas. They're just kind of... drawings.

{1-Up bursts through the wall, bruised and slightly bloodied, landing on the ground near Strong Bad.}

1-UP: Hey, nice drawings!

STRONG BAD: Err, thank you?

''{Cut back to the outside of the house, Marzia and Emperor Multiverse are having an epic battle. Marzia is holding a glowing staff with a trail of light coming off of it every time she hits Emperor Multiverse and occasionally she does cool flips and flies around with it.}''

EMPEROR MULTIVERSE: Face it, Marzia. I'm just stronger than you in every conceivable way!

MARZIA: If there's one thing I know for sure, it is that good always triumphs over evil! Especially in the world of cartoons!

EMPEROR MULTIVERSE: I mean, that's not true. There's plenty of cartoons where the villain wins... there's... umm, ahh, well... there's the one with the... no.

''{Emperor Multiverse stops to ponder. He is trying to remember the last time there was a cartoon where the bad guys were successful. While Emperor Multiverse is distracted, Marzia-chan flips her staff around and strikes him through the chest, causing his reddened eyes to flicker and for him to fall defeated.}''

STINKOMAN: Holy crap! You just defeated him!

STRONG BAD: Yes! I don't have to do any work! Strong Bad wins, again!

MARZIA: That wasn't his true form.

STINKOMAN: What? Come again?

MARZIA: That wasn't his true form. Emperor Multiverse towers over planets. He's huge. That was merely one of his vessels that he communicates through. He has thousands on planets across the universe.

STINKOMAN: So, what does that mean?

MARZIA: He's still on his way.

''{The camera shifts to a bird's eye view, zooms out and continues zooming until we see the entire planet, and a large circular Emperor Multiverse approaching the planet from a distance very slowly. He still looks similar to The King of Town, but more menacing and only mildly less robotic than the version that we saw earlier.}''

STINKOMAN: Well, we're done for.

MARZIA: Not just us. If the prime universe is destroyed, everything else goes along with it. All of Strong Bad's creations. Strong Bad, you're the only one that can stop this. You've always been the only one.

STRONG BAD: That's not what this cartoon's about though! That's never what this cartoon's been about. We don't do massive storylines or act as though we're on some grand adventure. We make fun of those kinds of things! We're like a... slice-of-life... deal.

MARZIA: Just imagine a dragon or something... or a giant rocket-ship. Or maybe... imagine yourself growing in size so you can have a giant super sentai battle with Emperor Multiverse.

''{From space, Emperor Multiverse has expanded in size and is now opening his huge mouth like Kirby and is attempting to suck in the planet into his mouth like he has probably done with so many planets before. On the ground level, various characters from the main website can be seen struggling. Holding on to buildings, trees or anything they can get their hands on. Some are ducking for cover. We see glimpses of Bubs and Coach Z holding each other in terror. It briefly cuts to Strong Mad and The Cheat.}''

STRONG MAD: I'll protect yooooooou! Get in!

''{Strong Mad opens his wide mouth, much to The Cheat's clear discomfort. Cut back to Marzia and Strong Bad.}''

MARZIA: Hurry, Strong Bad! I know you can do this!

''{Strong Bad starts focusing really hard. The gem on his forehead starts glowing as he is desperate to save the day. The camera zooms in and the background shifts into a green and purple downward spiral as things become more hectic. But he snaps out of it suddenly!}''

STRONG BAD: Wait just a gosh' darn a minute! I got it!

''{He grins widely as he runs back inside and jumps on the computer with a quick "preow", chair scootin' up on to his stool and accessing the Internet. He opens The Homestar Runner Fanstuff Wiki 2.}''

STRONG BAD: Let's see here... open for edits... yes! Okay, Stinkoman Email! YES! EDIT!

''{Strong Bad does what he does best... and starts typing.}''

STRONG BAD: {typing} Suddenly, the all of characters from 20X6 are voiped back to their own dimension!

''{As Strong Bad types this out, suddenly in a bright flash of white light, 1-Up, Stinkoman and Marzia are randomly blinked out of existence. It cuts to Pan Pan and Marzipan sitting on their couch as the wind blows intensely outside their window. Both seemingly don't even notice.}''

MARZIPAN: Oh, Pan Pan. Never leave me! You're the only one who understands.

{Pan Pan disappears.}

MARZIPAN: Humph, rude!

{Cut back to Strong Bad, typing out the rest on his computer.}

STRONG BAD: {typing} With the exception of Emperor Multiverse who would voiped to the darkest reaches of the Internet, where he would never return and would never cause any chaos for any fictional characters ever again.

''{We don't see Emperor Multiverse disappear on-screen, but we see the intense weather conditions suddenly stop and everything seemingly go back to normal for the citizens of Free Country, USA. Cut to Coach Z, still clinging on to Bubs.}''

COACH Z: Bubs, I think I love you!

BUBS: Get off me! People might start talkin'! {Pushes Coach Z off.}

{Cut to Strong Bad now, laying on a folding beach chair out by the calm ocean breeze, as The Cheat comes by with a melonade.}

STRONG BAD: {voice-over} As for Strong Bad. Well. Let's just say that everything worked out for him in the end.

''{The Cheat makes some noises and Strong Bad just grins and takes the melonade off of his hands. He exhales with some relief. Some girlish giggling can be heard in the background along with the casual beach ambience and peaceful music. The camera pans upward toward the peaceful sky. The lens flare from the sun entering the camera's view causing a visible glint. The camera slowly pans back down toward The Stick, before suddenly a metallic shovel comes out of nowhere and breaks The Stick in half and then immediately cut to black.}''

Fun Facts

 * Strong Bad refers to anime as "Japanimation" which is how he refers to the medium in the cartoon, TrogdorCon '97.
 * The "double deuce busters" could be viewed as a reference to Mega Man's own mega-buster, however it is mostly a reference to Imitation Strong Bad Emails where they touch upon the "Stinkoman Email" concept.
 * The email that refers to Stinkoman in and of itself is a reference to an earlier iteration of Stinkoman Email that was created on the original Homestar Runner Fanstuff Wiki.
 * The original Homestar Runner Fanstuff Wiki was a home to various art, fiction, games and music based on the Homestar Runner line of work and where the "other character email show" concept originated.
 * 1-Up's line: "The pipes are broken!" alludes to hard to understand Japanese utterances from the Street Fighter II series of games, which commonly have names ending in "ken", such as Hadōken or Shōryū-ken. The specific kick Homestar then performs is "Tatsumaki Senpuukyaku", usually called the Hurricane Kick in U.S. versions of the game.
 * It is also a reference to Homestar Runner's usage of the line in Dangeresque 1: Dangeresque, Too?
 * Strong Sad's lengthy explanation regarding the lore and fandom of the Homestar Runner universe is partially a reference to Fan Costumes '09 where he indulges in a similarly elaborate long-winded speech.