The History of a Runner/5

Chapter 5: Only a Matter of Time
The Olympics had started five days ago.

Mike was off with Craig doing something he didn't know about.

He had finished playing Tag Team Wrestling for the fifth time.

Matt had nothing else to do. So he did the thing he only did when he was really bored or really stressed.

He went for a walk in the park. Henderson Park was one of the most natural places in Atlanta, and whenever he went there he felt a sense of calmness, thought he never admitted that to anyone.

On this particular day, Matt was busy thinking. Summer was only half over and he was already bored. What was he going to do? Would Mike and Craig invite him to do something with him? Would he make &mdash;

"OOF!" he cried, falling to the ground with a thud. Somehow, he was so deep in thought that he had bumped into...a girl?

"Oh, my God!" the girl cried. "Oh, my God. I am so, so sorry.  I didn't see where I was going.  Here, let me help you." She held out her hand. Matt, rubbing his head with one hand, grabbed hers in the other. She pulled him up.

"Sorry," she apologized again. "It's just, I'm new to the town, and I was just taping a video of the park to send to my...Oh. Sorry.  I should introduce myself.  I'm Jackie." She held out her hand.

Matt, taking a moment to process what Jackie had just said, took her hand and shook it. "Matt. Nice to meet you."

"Hi, Matt." Jackie turned around and they started walking. "So, what brings you to the city?"

"I go to college here. University of Georgia.  School's out now, so I'm staying with my brother Mike."

"Mike and Matt, huh? Nice.  I'm just here for the Olympics.  I've always loved watching all the countries compete against each other, and it's nice to see it playing in my home country.  By the way, where're you from?"

"Uh, Indiana. You?"

"I'm from &mdash;" Jackie stopped in mid-sentence, as the two of them heard a soft but distinct "La-dee-la-da-da-da-da-da-da-doo-doo!" and saw a white-ish, no-armed figure prancing in the distance.

"What the...crap?" Matt muttered as the figure moved closer to the two. Once it was about five feet from them, Jackie unconsciously lifted up her video camera (it was still recording, since in the skirmish with Matt she forgot to press "stop"). "What is that?"

"Oh, hewwo!" the figure greeted. "Welcome to me! Homestaw...Wunnew...Homestaw Wunnew.  Um...how's it goin'?"

"...F-fine," Jackie stammered. "Um...what're you doing here?"

"Oh y'know, just...hangin' awound, with my buddies Stwong Bad and The Cheat. They'we ovew thewe." Homestar motioned to their right. Matt and Jackie turned over there, and saw a Mexican wrestler with pen and paper in hand, and a squeaky yellow thing playing with a butterfly net.

"Oh..." Strong Bad groaned. He looked up and saw the two of them staring at what was going on. "What's your freakin' problem?" Suddenly, a swarm of bees started chasing The Cheat. "Get outta here!" Strong Bad head-butted Jackie's camera, breaking the lens.

Matt and Jackie turned to each other, puzzled expressions on their faces. What was going on here?

'''****

Back at the AISS, everyone asked Agents G and H how the experiment was going. "Fine, just fine," they answered.

"You know what?" H asked G. "I think we should check up on them."

"Yeah, you're right," G agreed. The two of them started walking to the old participants' quarters.

H typed in the code and the doors opened. "Hello," he called out. Silence. "Anybody there?" More silence. "...Hello?"

G and H searched the room for them. Nobody was in the room.

This was bad. Very bad.

"Call a Code Blue," G told H, a worried expression on his face.

H rushed to the intercom just outside of the room and dialed the number to broadcast to the entire building. "Hello, everyone. This is Agent H.  We are currently experiencing a Code Blue.  I repeat: a Code Blue.  It appears the mutated participants of the Egon Sciuntid test are missing.  A picture of them will be sent to you as soon as possible.  Please search the entire building as well as outside for them.  Thank you." He hung up, feeling no better than when he started. It was not turning out to be a good day for him.

'''****

Mike and his friend, Craig Zobel, entered the local bookstore. "Wow, look at all the books," Mike wondered.

"Well, it is a book store," Craig teased.

"Ah, shut up, Zee. But still...that's a lotta books."

"Can't argue with that. Hm, wonder what they've got here..." Craig headed for the Children's Books section. Meanwhile, something caught Mike's eye &mdash; the same figure Matt had encountered earlier that day, standing right across the street from the book store.

''Huh. That's not something you see every day,'' he thought, taking off his glasses and rubbing his eyes to make sure he wasn't seeing things. The figure was still there. "Hey Craig, I'm gonna head outside for a while."

"Okay..." Craig mumbled, reading a book about counting.

Mike exited the store and walked across the street to talk to the figure. "Hi," he said. "Who're you?"

The figure turned to him. "Oh! Hewwo!  I'm the Homestaw Wunnew!  Some folks say I'm a tewwific athlete."

"Homestar Runner, eh?" Surprisingly, Mike was having an easier time communicating to Homestar than his brother was. "Where ya from?"

"I'm fwom Fwee Countwy, USA!" Homestar boasted. "What about you?"

"Me? Indiana.  So, why'd you come to Atlanta?  The Olympics?"

"Yeah. It's pwetty gweat.  They should add some mohe events, though."

"Really? Like what?"

"I dunno. Maybe a Stwongest Man in the Wohld Contest."

"Strongest Man in the World Contest...you know, that wouldn't be a bad idea."

"Yeah. All the contestants would have to cawwy a buncha gwapes, given to them by a Gwape Faiwie on a Giant Bee, and whowevew could hold the most gwapes wins."

"Huh..." Mike thought about Homestar's somewhat strange idea. Where'd he come up with that?

"Hey Bozo, come look at something," a man with a Mexian wrestler mask said, peeking out from behind a building.

"Be out thewe in a minute!" he yelled. "That's my fwiend Stwong Bad. I'm hewe with him and my best fwiend Pom Pom.  Gotta go.  Bye!" Then, fast as lightning, the Homestar Runner ran to the end of the building and made a blind turn.

"Hey Mike," Craig called, crossing the street. "Honestly, I have no idea what's in authors these days, but those children's books are crap. Even we could probably write books better than them."

His conversation with Homestar still fresh in his mind, Mike responded, "You know what, Zee? Maybe we could."

Fun Facts

 * I don't know if there actually is a Henderson Park in Atlanta. It was just made up for the sake of the story.
 * The girl Matt meets in the scene, Jackie, is Jackie Chapman, who Matt married in December 2003. She's best known for her roll as the Baby Lady in the Peasant's Quest movie.
 * I also don't know if Matt did go to the University of Georgia. Like the park, I made that "fact" up for the sake of the story.
 * While the reason Jackie stops just before she says where she's from makes perfect sense, it was actually because I'm not sure where she is from. Then again, who is?  (Probably herself, but...)
 * The tune Homestar hums as he prances is a reference to "The Interview."
 * The scene Jackie records with her video camera is an extended version of "Day in the Park," an Easter egg from "strongbad_email.exe Disc 3."
 * Homestar's first line in his scene with Mike is a reference to "flashback."
 * Homestar's idea for a new event in the Olympics describes the events in, what else, The Homestar Runner Enters the Strongest Man in the World Contest.
 * This may very well be the longest chapter as of now.