The Kids of Free Country USA/Transcript

THE FOLLOWING TRANSCRIPT IS A WORK IN PROGRESS; THANKS IN ADVANCE

Legend:
 * (The Cheat/Pom Pom speech)
 * {The Poopsmith's "speech"/signs}

Strong Bad Email
''{Start to Videlectrix Films logo. The Videlectrix Mascot jogs across the screen, tripping in the middle. He gives a "thumbs up" signal, as in "Population: Tire". The music is done by orchestra.}''

''{Strong Bad is at the Compé. The wallpaper is the "Everybody! Everybody!" poster.}''

STRONG BAD: I'm email checking once again, just like it was twenty-aught-nine, y'all! {double-clicks on the sbemail.exe icon}

Dear Strong Bad,

If you and the rest of the gang are so well-loved

and popular, then why is it you don't have a movie

all about you guys? You're not camera shy, are you?

Crapfully yours,

Zack Wanzer

San Jose, California

''{Strong Bad ignores "and the rest of the gang" and "guys", as if it's about him personally, says "Why do I never get tired of this?" instead of "Crapfully yours", and says "Wanzer" as spelled.}''

STRONG BAD: {typing} Are you in a position to be judging people just because they're not in a movie, Wanzer? And are you saying the Dangeresque trilogy doesn't count as a movie starring me?!

{clears screen}

STRONG BAD: {typing} Anyway, Zack, I think you got a good point. Why is it nobody like Spielberg or Bay has ever asked me personally to star in a big not-cheaply made movie? I deserve all the fangirls chasing me around!

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {off-screen} Hey Stwong Bad!

''{Strong Bad jumps and gasps in shock; cut to a wide shot of Strong Bad's desk, Homestar is on the right. Strong Bad faces him in annoyance.}''

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Woah, you sound tense.

STRONG BAD: {raises fist} This crap wasn't funny ten years ago, and it isn't funny now!

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {leans forward toward Strong Bad} You said something 'bout a movie?

STRONG BAD: No, I never-

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {interrupts, stands straight} Then evewyone's getting invowved as weww!

STRONG BAD: What are you talking about?!

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Wook out the window, Stwong Bad. See fow youwself.

STRONG BAD: {stands up, making the Chairscoot noise} Fine... {walks off camera to the right, then exclaims off-screen} Whaaaa?!

{Shows a wide shot of the rest of the main cast (from left to right: Marzipan, Pom Pom, Bubs, Coach Z, Strong Mad, The Cheat, Strong Sad, The King of Town, The Poopsmith, and Homsar) standing outside the House of the Brothers Strong, all looking up at the window Strong Bad is looking out of.}

STRONG BAD: What is all this?!

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {off-screen} Told ya so!

COACH Z: They're gonna put us in the movies!

POM POM: {bubbles} (They're making big stars out of us!)

{Cut to Strong Bad}

STRONG BAD: Are you sure {lowers eyelids} this isn't an excuse for people to get interested in us again? {opens eyes fully again} For months, we haven't been in a cartoon, never mind a movie!

{Cut back to the crowd}

BUBS: Look, man; we know peoples got lives. So do we!

{Pans to Strong Sad}

STRONG SAD: So we got some other people to help us with this project.

{Pans to Marzipan}

MARZIPAN: So what do you say?

{Pan to Marzipan's right (left in the viewer's perspective) as Homestar runs on screen, stopping before her.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: I'm in! {looks up to Strong Bad} Come on, Stwong Bad! This'ww be fun! Sewiouswy!

{Cut to Strong Bad, looking unsure and thinking}

STRONG BAD: Well... {pauses before speaking up again} Hecks yeah I'm in! What's a "Homestar Runner dot com" movie without Strong Bad?!

{Cut back to Homestar and Marzipan, the latter has a slight look of annoyance.}

MARZIPAN: A good one, perhaps?

STRONG BAD: {off-screen} I heard that!

{Cut back to the computer room}

STRONG BAD: {typing} Well there's your answer, Zack. The big boys have called for me, and I'm off to Hollywood! But before I go...

{Strong Bad stops typing; cut to a wideshot of the desk, Strong Bad faces the audience, holding a red button in his right hand.}

STRONG BAD: It's time to get a movie makeover... CGI style!

{Strong Bad presses the button, and with a flash, the computer room, as well as Strong Bad and the rest of the objects, are now rendered in CGI animation.}

STRONG BAD: Now this is how a movie star gets loved by all the ladies! Smooth, Telltale-style computer generated animation! Next stop... the red carpet! And it sounds... {he puts on his Dangeresque sunglasses} Dangeresque!

''{Strong Bad exists the computer room. The camera then zooms in on the Compé's screen as music begins, an orchestrated instrumental remix of "Handle My Style" from Strong Bad's Cool Game for Attractive People.}''

SCENE TWO
''{The text "VIDELECTRIX FILMS PRESENTS" appears on the screen in Bauhaus 93 in light blue. The font remains Bauhaus 93 throughout the movie opening credits. This fades away after a few seconds, and is followed by "A Feature-Length Cartoon Type Movie by MATT AND MIKE CHAPMAN" in orange. That also fades away after a few seconds.}''

''{Fade in to a close up of a newborn baby in Marzipan's "arms". The baby looks like Homestar, but with a small tuft of brown hair, and he is wrapped in a blue blanket. The camera zooms out to reveal it is a photograph; Marzipan is in a hospital bed in a turquoise gown, her hair a bit of a mess, a happy tear in her right eye. Homestar is next to her, smiling big, and has hair loss on the front and top of his head, his hair brown like the baby's. The text "Written by (WRITER)" appears in dark blue, then fades out.}''

''{We pan upper left to see another picture. This one has the miniature Homestar sitting before a chocolate birthday cupcake with one red candle lit. Homestar and Marzipan are behind their son, smiling. With them are Homeschool Winner (with balding red hair), Champeen, and a kid who looks like Homeschool with ginger hair. The text "Based on the "Homestar Runner" World Created by MATT AND MIKE CHAPMAN" appears in dark red, then fades out.}''

''{We pan downwards, slightly to the left, to the next picture. This one depicts the miniature Homestar (now standing) with two baby girls; both resemble Homestar with Marzipan's blond hair. One of the babies has pink pajamas, the other has purple. The baby in pink has an adorable smile, the baby in purple looks sulky. The text "Art Directionn by (ART DIRECTOR)" appears in purple, then fades out.}''

''{We pan to the left for another picture. The miniature Homestar is seen with a kid who looks like Pom Pom, only he's smaller and his body his white instead of yellow. Both are at the age of five at time the photo was taken. The text "Animation by (ANIMATION STUDIO)" appears in yellow, then fades out.}''

''{We pan upper left for the fifth picture. This shows the miniature Homestar, the miniature Pom Pom, the miniature Homeschool, and the miniature pink female Homestar together by the brick wall. The boys are around age seven, and the girl is about five. The text "Music Composed by MATT AND MIKE CHAPMAN" appears in light gray, then fades out.}''

''{We pan downward left for our next picture. We see Homestar, Marzipan, their three kids, as well as two infant girls in a baby carrier at a Decemberween scene. The son is nine years old, the older girls are seven. The text "Lyrics Written by (LYRIC AUTHOR(S))" appears in bright green, then fades out.}''

''{We pan upper left to yet another picture. This depicts Homestar, Marzipan, and their three kids celebrating the two infant girls' first birthday. One of the girls is a blend of her parents with blond hair, the other resembles Marzipan with brown hair. The son is ten years old, the older girl twins are eight. The text "Directed by (DIRECTOR)" appears in peach, then fades out.}''

''{We pan further left to see Homestar and Marzipan at their wedding anniversary party. Homestar presents a half-empty box of chocolates to a confused Marzipan. The text "Starring the Voice Talents of MATT CHAPMAN and MISSY PALMER" appears in red, then fades out.}''

''{We pan upwards, slightly to the left, to a picture similar to the fifth, only the boys are now around age thirteen, and the girl is about eleven. The text "Also Featuring JODI BENSON, JACKIE CHAPMAN, MIKE CHAPMAN, TERESA GALLAGHER, KAREN GILLAN, (LITTLE GIRL), (VERY VERY LITTLE GIRL), JEREMY PIVEN, MIRANDA RAISON, and TARA STRONG". The actors and actresses' names are shown in alphabetical order, and in columns of five. The text appears in blue, then fades out.}''

''{We finally pan to the last picture, sitting on a television set. Depicted are Homestar, Marzipan, and their five kids in front of the couch in Marzipan's living room. From left to right are the purple female Homestar, the young twins, Homestar, the son, Marzipan, and the pink female Homestar. The son is now fourteen, the older twins are about twelve, and the younger twins are about four. The text "HOMESTAR RUNNER in" appears in white, then fades out. We zoom in on the picture, obscuring the photo frame, and then there is a flash of white, accompanied by a camera flash sound effect.}''

''{The screen fades from white to red, then the text "THE KIDS OF FREE COUNTRY USA" zooms in (in white) until it fits the screen. There is another flash, and we cut back to the picture we saw earlier, it is a family photo being taken. The music fades to a more mellow tone.}''

MARZIPAN: Okay, Runners. {walks off-screen to the off-screen camera} I think we got the perfect picture...

{pause}

MARZIPAN: {off-screen} All right! Perfect. This shall go on the wall. You're now free to whatever you want to do.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Aww wite! {runs off}

HOMESTAR JR.: Yes, mother. HOMEZIPAN: {simultaneously} Thanks mom! STARZIPAN: {simultaneously, muttering} Yeah whatever...

''{Homestar Jr. is a kind, intelligent young boy of fourteen, wearing a blue shirt with a white star, brown shorts, red soles, and has a full head of brown hair. Homezipan is a sweet, naive girl of twelve, wearing a pink dress embellished with white trim and gold buttons, has red soles, a yellow flower on her dress, a pink hairband, and a full head of blond hair with a ponytail. Homezipan's twin, Starzipan, has a reddish-purple dress with same embellished white trim and gold buttons, no flower, and blue soles. Unlike her twin, Starzipan is more mean and cynical, especially for someone of her age. Marzipan Jr. has a red dress with blue shorts, brown hair in a short ponytail, a red hairband, and a blue hairbow. Marzistar has a round head, a purple shirt with a white star, a blue skirt, blue soles, short blond hair in a ponytail, a purple hairband, and her dad's eyes and mom's mouth.}''

NARRATOR HOMESTAR JR.: My name is Homestar Runner Jr.

THIS PAGE IS STILL A WORK IN PROGRESS