Broternal Order Of Different Helmets/Movie/Play



Season 4: Episode 5

The Broternal Movie: Order vs. Chaos

The Broternal Order of Different Helmets embarks on a perilous journey through another dimension to save the universe from a fate worse than destruction in this feature-length script.

Date: Thursday, July 1, 2021

Running Time: 3:18:17

Notice
I can hardly believe it, but we're finally here. This film was first announced in June 2018, with a release date later set for July 2020, and now, it's been released an entire year later. That's mostly because I got carried away when writing it, and felt the need to keep adding whatever I thought of. (A great example of this is, an entire storyline I had to cut and release as its own episode.) This movie has no budget or animated visuals, which made it easy to expand, but that may have been to its detriment. After spending so long on this movie and improving as a writer over the years, there are aspects I have nitpicks about, and fixing them would require rewriting the whole thing, but overall, I'm quite satisfied with the result.

Throughout the script are these gray boxes reading "Show image". Clicking them will reveal a thumbnail depicting what you're currently reading, so be sure to click these boxes as you read! The reason they're hidden by default is because your eyes are naturally drawn to images more than text. If they weren't hidden, you'd likely end up seeing a spoilery image while scrolling down the page.

You'll also encounter boxes that say "Explanation". These are for people who haven't been following along with each episode, and can be clicked to reveal the context you might be missing. To avoid filling the page with these boxes, they don't include minor running gags, references, and callbacks to previous episodes, as these aren't as important to understand. Since this movie is essentially the culmination of all that has come before it, I'd recommend that you read the complete guide if you haven't been following along.

These short horizontal lines indicate scene transitions, because otherwise this transcript would just be one huge wall of unbroken text. Think of them as paragraph breaks. They're a good place to stop if you understandably don't want to read through the whole thing in one go.

Without much further ado, here's the film! I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it, or some equally generic words. Here it goes!

Act 1: The Tragedy
''{Open to black. Blue text fades in:}''

''{The text disappears. Fade in to a group of planets orbiting around a star. A massive, intimidating spaceship, silhouetted by the sunlight, comes into the left side of the screen and slowly flies across. A ominous droning tune plays in the background as the ship casts a shadow over each planet, shrouding everything in darkness. It sucks up the sunlight, and uses it as energy to blast offscreen at supersonic speed, shattering every planet in its path.}''

''{Cut to another planet, covered in swirls of green and purple. Text fades in over the screen, reading:}''

''{The text disappears. Cut to an establishing shot of a utopian landscape, thriving with alien lifeforms and purple foliage under a vibrant green sky.}''

{Cut to two aliens picking purple-orange fruits from tall plant-like vegetation.}

ALIEN 1: ...So then I was like, "That's not a glarfbronk, it's a zontarp of the rybelschnorf!"

ALIEN 2: {solemnly} That's hilarious.

{Pause.}

ALIEN 1: You didn't laugh. What's going on? You feeling all right?

ALIEN 2: I just... I don't understand how we can go on like this, like everything's fine, like our world's end isn't imminent. Yonvarg-1 through 4 have already fallen to the conqueror. I think it's obvious we're next.

ALIEN 1: True, but we've had more time to prepare than any of the conqueror's victims so far. Our entire planet's military is probably getting ready for an invasion as we speak.

ALIEN 2: How are you being so optimistic about this?

ALIEN 1: Just trying to look on the bright side of things.

{The land is engulfed in shadow.}

ALIEN 2: What bright side?

ALIEN 1: Never mind, we're doomed.

''{Pan up to the sky, now obscured by the giant spaceship looming above the planet. A red beam comes down.}''

''{Cut to the ground, where the beam lowers down a large warlock with silver armor, a gray skull-like face, yellow eyes, a purplish robe, and a mechanical yet ancient-looking weapon that rotates and shifts into different forms. The top of his weapon transforms into a hammer, and the bottom into a blade, which he pierces into the ground. The beam stops.}''

ALIEN: {speaking into a communication device} The conqueror has arrived! Send in the troops!

''{A large army of aliens begins charging toward the villain, who closes his eyes and looks down in concentration. Energy courses through the weapon as he stabs it into the ground again, causing the surrounding area to decay and turn black. Fire erupts from the ground. This chaos slowly spreads throughout the land.}''

ALIEN GENERAL: What's happening?

VILLAIN: We are taking over your world. Don't bother trying to stop it.

ALIEN GENERAL: Surrender now or face our might!

VILLAIN: Face your might? {shrugs} I might.

''{The soldiers shoot at the villain, but he reshapes his weapon to form a shield, deflecting the bullets. He then turns part of his weapon into a flamethrower, incinerating many of the soldiers.}''

ALIEN SOLDIER: Ow, my alien porgadon!

''{One of the soldiers sneaks behind the villain, but he swings his hammer at them, then sends spikes flying toward the remaining few who oppose him. By now, the entire landscape has become dark with a fiery red glow, its entire population writhing in agony.}''

ALIEN GENERAL: {in pain} You... {wince} you haven't seen the last of us, conqueror!

VILLAIN: Conqueror? Well, that's embarrassing &mdash; the one you refer to as the conqueror is actually my master. You should be glad he sent me instead of him.

ALIEN GENERAL: You're not the conqueror? Who... who are you?

VILLAIN: Oh, I'm sorry. It's rude to subject a planet to endless suffering without introducing oneself first. I am...

''{Cut to a close-up. The villain looks toward the camera menacingly.}''

VILLAIN: Grindolo.

''{Lightning flash cut to a dark world with an ominous red sky. A silhouetted figure sits in a large black throne. Grindolo walks toward it and kneels down.}''

GRINDOLO: Master Xar'ak. Yonvarg-5 is now ours.

XAR'AK: I am aware. Any casualties?

GRINDOLO: A few. They sent a small army, but I won the&mdash;

{Xar'ak sends a surge of black lighting at Grindolo, who collapses to the ground.}

XAR'AK: Imbecile. I've told you time and time again, beam yourself down just long enough to channel my magic, then leave before you inflict harm on yourself or any others. Each casualty is a lifeform spared from our tyranny &mdash; we must show them no such mercy.

GRINDOLO: {gets back up} I apologize, my master, but this setback is insignificant compared to what we've accomplished. We're conquering ten planets a day. That's a record for us!

XAR'AK: "Ten planets a day". Peculiar wording &mdash; you do realize days have different lengths on different planets.

GRINDOLO: Right. I was thinking, like, an Earth day.

XAR'AK: Why are you using Terran measurements?

GRINDOLO: Well, you see, I've... I've been doing a lot of research on Earth lately, and&mdash;

XAR'AK: What are you proposing, Grindolo?

GRINDOLO: I've heard a magical item is located there. They call it the Golden Fedora. Put it on and all your wishes are granted. Can you imagine how powerful we would become wielding an object of that power? If we take the fedora, we could&mdash;

XAR'AK: No. Earth is on the other side of the universe, and even with our new warp speed technology, it would take too much time off our schedule. I'm sending you to Yonvarg-6.

GRINDOLO: Come on, it's just a schedule. This is a magic hat we're talking about!

XAR'AK: It is not just a schedule. I have been perfecting it since before I created you. I took billions of variables into account. I predicted possible futures. I analyzed every atom of every world. I calculated the perfect time to conquer each individual planet, while minimizing risk and maximizing efficiency. I can't throw that away for a mere hat.

GRINDOLO: A magic hat. Think about it! We could become way more powerful!

XAR'AK: We will become more powerful either way. We have not yet reached the potential strength of our magic. Once I figure out teleportation spells, we will not need a spaceship to travel &mdash; perhaps by then, the schedule may become unnecessary. But at this point in time we are still vulnerable, and thus we do not take such risks.

GRINDOLO: But master&mdash;

XAR'AK: Your overconfidence has proved to be a problem in the past, so I suggest you listen to me for once. Set coordinates to Yonvarg-6.

GRINDOLO: But master, I'm just trying to help our cause. Would you really punish me for helping?

XAR'AK: Yes. {thinks for a moment} But I won't.

GRINDOLO: Pardon?

XAR'AK: If you want to invade Earth alone, I will not intervene. And if you fail, that's fine as well. Your recklessness has cost us too much, and I want to let you face your own consequences.

GRINDOLO: Thank you, master. I will not fail. I will take over the planet if I have to.

XAR'AK: We shall see.

''{Cut to a wide shot panning across a raging battlefield around the Olmec. It is dusk, and the sky is a foggy orange. Knights on horses attack left and right. Swords and shields clash. Arrows are fired. Text fades in over the screen, reading:}''

{Zoom in to Sir Honald Waddler and his friends amidst the battle.}

SIR HONALD WADDLER: {riding a horse and swinging a sword} Sir M.X., we must stoppeth these fell warriors from taking yon Golden Fedora!

SIR M.X. XII: {firing arrows} Uh, I know. That's literally why we're all here.

SIR HONALD WADDLER: Just thoughteth a reminder might be helpful. Also, remember to breathe.

SIR GARBLES THE UNPRONOUNCABLE: {deep breath} Thank thee, I almost passed out.

''{The clashing quiets down as a shadow spreads across the battlefield. Grindolo beams down from the spaceship.}''

SIR GARBLES THE UNPRONOUNCEABLE: Whomst be you?

GRINDOLO: I am the almighty Grindolo. I seek the Golden Fedora.

SIR HONALD WADDLER: Well, you can't have it. It is the lifelong duty of the Brethrenly Order of Fedoral Guardians to maketh sure the mystical/mythical/magical hat doth not fall into the wrong hands. And you clearly have the wrong hands.

GRINDOLO: If you want to live, you will give me the fedora. If not, I will get it anyway. Your move.

''{The knights charge toward Grindolo. Sir Garbles fires an arrow, but Grindolo dodges and smashes him with his weapon.}''

SIR GARBLES THE UNPRONOUNCEABLE: Urk... hey, if you guys or your descendants could avengeth my death and/or invent waffles sometime in the next 500 years, that'd be great. {closes his eyes}

SIR POMER: Sure, I'll see what I can do about that second one.

{Greg swipes his sword at Grindolo, who knocks Greg off his horse with an energy blast.}

YE GREG OF ALTERED WORKS: Ow! My arms, legs, and internal organs!

''{Grindolo makes his way across the battlefield with ease, destroying anyone in his way. He approaches Sir Honald Waddler in front of the Olmec.}''

SIR HONALD WADDLER: Stop now, or I will stop you!

GRINDOLO: No, you stop now, or I will stop you.

SIR HONALD WADDLER: Wait, isn't that some kind of paradox? We should settle this with a coin flip. I call heads.

GRINDOLO: Why a coin flip?

SIR HONALD WADDLER: If I'm being honest, I actually have no idea how to stop you. This is the best I could come up with.

XAR'AK: {echoey voiceover} There are cracks in his armor.

SIR HONALD WADDLER: What?! Who saideth that?

LADY ERINNE: I didn't hear anything.

XAR'AK: {echoey voiceover} I am speaking into your mind. No one else can hear me.

SIR HONALD WADDLER: Are you... helping me?

XAR'AK: {echoey voiceover} I am. Stab the armor cracks. It won't defeat him, but it may stun him a bit. If he drops his weapon, pick it up. It may be powerful enough to destroy him.

SIR HONALD WADDLER: Got it, mysterious voice!

GRINDOLO: Who are you talking to?

SIR HONALD WADDLER: Oh, no one. By yon way, I just figured out how to stop you. Totally all by myself.

GRINDOLO: And how is that?

SIR HONALD WADDLER: Like so.

''{Honald leaps off his horse and stabs into Grindolo's armor, knocking him down. When Grindolo hits the ground, Honald snatches his weapon and holds it to Grindolo's head.}''

SIR HONALD WADDLER: There's nothing you can do-eth now, Grindolo. I'm giving you one last chance to surrender.

GRINDOLO: Never!

SIR HONALD WADDLER: Then it ends here.

''{Honald smashes Grindolo with the weapon, blowing him up. When the dust clears, all that remains of Grindolo is a pile of ash.}''

SIR HONALD WADDLER: The mighty Grindolo is dead. Sir Garbles's courageous sacrifice shan't be for naught.

YE GREG OF ALTERED WORKS: What about my arms, legs, and internal organs?

SIR HONALD WADDLER: Oh right. I guess your courageous sacrifice shan't be for naught either.

{A ghostly figure in a tattered purple cloak, the Grindolo we all know and hate, rises out of the ashes.}

GRINDOLO: You foolish mortals really thought you could stop me?

SIR HONALD WADDLER: Yeah, for a couple seconds there.

GRINDOLO: You may have destroyed my physical form, but my spirit lives on! How do you expect to thwart my plans now?!

SIR HONALD WADDLER: I have no idea. {thinks for a moment} Unless... {to the Olmec} Password: Ricky Fighters.

''{The cave opens. Honald and Grindolo step inside.}''

GRINDOLO: Ah, so you heeded my advice? You're finally giving me the fedora?

SIR HONALD WADDLER: In a sense. {puts on the fedora} I wisheth that Grindolo was sealed in this cave, incapable of using the Golden Fedora as long as it remains shut!

{The cave begins sealing shut.}

GRINDOLO: No... no! What are you doing?

SIR HONALD WADDLER: {leaves the cave} Feareth not! You're getting what you asked for. Thy Golden Fedora is all yours!

{The cave closes.}

GRINDOLO: That's not what I meant! Master? Can you free me?

XAR'AK: {echoey voiceover} You didn't listen to my advice. Now, for the first time in your life, you and you alone must deal with the consequences of your actions.

GRINDOLO: Master, please...

XAR'AK: {echoey voiceover} Goodbye forever.

GRINDOLO: NO!! {hitting the walls} LET ME OUT! {falls to the floor, defeated} When I am freed from this infernal cavern... I will conquer this awful planet on my own, and destroy Sir Honald Waddler, once and for all.

''{Zoom out to reveal modern-day Grindolo watching this memory through a portal in his castle. He slouches on his throne, dejected. Text fades in over the screen, reading:}''

{Grindolo closes the portal in frustration.}

GRINDOLO: Pretender.

THE PRETENDER: {walking in} Yeah, boss?

GRINDOLO: Five centuries. I've thought of nothing but revenge, every moment, for five centuries. And yet Honald's descendant and his Broternal Order of Different Helmets are still alive.

THE PRETENDER: Yeah, pretty annoying, but what are you gonna do?

GRINDOLO: Call Mr. Dando and the Unguraits. Tell them... it's time to execute our final plan.

THE PRETENDER: The last time you said that, we ended up stranded on a deserted island off the coast of Italy with nine tons of dairy-free yogurt.

GRINDOLO: I told you not to mention that ever again.

THE PRETENDER: Right, sorry. What about the noodle incident? Or the dimension debacle? Or that time&mdash;

GRINDOLO: JUST CALL THEM!

THE PRETENDER: Yes, sir. {runs off}

GRINDOLO: {muttering} Why must I have such incompetent simpletons for minions? Perhaps my new recruits will accomplish something for once... {teleports away}

''{Lightning strikes. Cut to the night sky. Text fades in over the screen, reading:}''

{The text disappears, and is replaced with:}

{The text is then replaced with:}

''{Exciting, adventurous music plays as the title zooms into view. A Viking helmet falls from above and lands on the logo.}''

''{A rooster crows and the sun rises, brightening the sky. A simple Casio keyboard tune begins to play. Pan down to a familiar bagel house in the Field.}''

''{Cut to a close-up of an ironing board, where a purple "honstlar" shirt is being ironed. Cut to a zoomed-out shot, revealing Honstlar ironing it. He stops, picks up the shirt, and smiles in satisfaction before putting it aside. He then picks up another purple "honstlar" shirt, places it on the board, and begins to iron. Opening credits appear at the bottom of the screen:}''

{A beeping sound is heard.}

HONSTLAR: {looks at the clock on the wall} Oh stamps! The meeting is in five minutes! {puts on his helmet and runs offscreen}

''{Cut to black. Gfd opens a door, letting light in to reveal that the camera is inside a refridgerator. He pulls out a loaf of bread.}''

{closes the door}

{Cut to Gfd placing an entire block of cheese atop the slice of bread.}



{Cut to Gfd as he gets a plate out of the cupboard, breaks it, and sprinkes the pieces on his food.}



{Cut to Gfd in a labratory, wearing goggles and a lab coat, as a machine in front of him channels cosmic energy.}



''{Cut to Gfd at his table, with all of his ingredients stacked up. He adds a final piece of bread to the top.}''

Now that is one mighty fine sammich, if I do say so m'self. {lifts it up and prepares to take a bite}

{The doorbell rings.}

Don't interrupt my glorious sandwich. {takes a bite of his tall sandwich}

{The doorbell rings again.}

That doorbell is going down, once and for all! {walks offscreen with his sandwich}

{Cut to Gfd opening the door to find Honstlar.}

Have you come to be in my sandwich?

HONSTLAR: For the last time, Gfd, I'm never going to be in your sandwich ever again.

Has your doorbell been bothering you too?

HONSTLAR: No, I just was reminding you about the meeting. It's in four minutes.

I'll never make it in time! I'm going to be late! {throws his sandwich} You... you go on without me, sandwich! You can make it! I believe in you!

{Pause.}

What a disappointment you are. You lack ambition, you can't just sit around all day being lunch. {picks up sandwich off the ground} I'll just take you to the meeting myself. {walks offscreen}

{Cut to Coach E and Coach Z leaning against the counter of Bubs' Concession Stand.}

BUBS: ...And that's how I scammed a man out of his entire life's savings in exchange for a half-eaten beef-and-bean burrito!

COACH E: I'm not sure about the ethicality of that, but it's certainly impressive.

BUBS: Hey, thanks a bunch! And have I ever told you about that one time I framed all my market competitors for tax fraud to achieve a global monopoly?

COACH E: You've told that story thirteen times this week.

COACH Z: Say dere, Coach E, aren't you s'posed to be meetin' that club you always go to? Wit' da funny hats and whatnat?

COACH E: {gasp} I completely forgot about the meeting today! Thanks, guys! {runs offscreen}

{Pause.}

BUBS: Anyway, it all started back in 1974, when this fella came up to the stand and said...

{Cut to SRMX12 in the Field talking to Strong Sad.}

SRMX12: "The microprocessors were compromised!"

STRONG SAD: {laughs}

SRMX12: So then I hit 'im with a 32-bit RAM with a high-speed adapter 256-kb IP DNS modem router! You should have seen the look on his face.

STRONG SAD: Uh, SRMX12, none of what you just said made any amount of sense.

SRMX12: Oh. Um... cyber... space? {covers his face with his computer, the Prisma One, and types at it}

{The Prisma One beeps.}

SRMX12: Oh, looks like it's time to go do some helmet-related activities. See you around, Sadm'n! Don't forget to call your motherboard! {runs offscreen}

STRONG SAD: Was that supposed to be a joke?

''{Cut to an art studio. Rabite is sitting in a chair at an easel with a canvas. Homestar Runner poses in front of her.}''

RABITE: Keep standing still... no, a little to the left.

''{Homestar turns. Cut to a shot over Rabite's shoulder, showing a human version of Homestar being sketched on the canvas.}''

HOMESTAR RUNNER: I say there, Rab-ite...

RABITE: It's Rabite. {pronounced Rabbit}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Oh right. Robot, do you know the times?

RABITE: That's not&mdash; whatever. The times is... {checks her watch} uh oh. Meeting time. We'd better get going.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Can we get something to eat first? I know a great restaurant. They even serve food there!

{Cut to Dellyboy's Diner, where Sume is getting the King of Town's order.}

SUME: {exhausted} Will that be all, Mr. Town?

THE KING OF TOWN: No, no! I also want a Thanksgiving dinner on the side, smothered in gravy!

SUME: {muttering to herself} Jeez, I'm almost starting to prefer Garbles.

THE KING OF TOWN: What?

SUME: Nothing. {her phone buzzes} Oh, thank goodness. I mean... oh no! Uh, Dellyboy, I have an... appointment. Can I leave?

DELLYBOY: Leavin'? At this hour? No way! Table 12 hasn't got their appe-teasers yet!

{Quick pan over to the Sad Kids at a table, visibly starving.}

THE SAD BOY: Food.

THE SAD GIRL: Water.

{Pan back to Sume.}

SUME: It's urgent. I have to go to the dentist. Also, I'm sick. And lunch break. And, um, maternity leave?

DELLYBOY: A'right, fine. But ya better be back here in five seconds, or else you'll have to find another job!

SUME: Got it! {runs off}

{Five seconds pass.}

DELLYBOY: Well, looks like I'm gonna need a new waiter. {looks over at the Sad Kids} You little fellers got waiting experience?

THE SAD GIRL: Three.

THE SAD BOY: Days.

DELLYBOY: No, I mean waiter-ing. Like servin' tables 'n such.

THE SAD BOY: Oh.

THE SAD GIRL: None.

DELLYBOY: Well, I guess I could hire that guy making waffles over there.

''{Pan over to Stom sitting at one of the tables. He is pouring batter into a waffle iron, with several tall stacks of fresh waffles next to him. An alarm clock rings.}''

STOM: Oh no, it's meeting time and I haven't met my 30-minute waffle quota! I've run out of ingredients, but the recipe says I need...

{Cut to a pan with the Two More Eggs logo in front of it.}

SINGERS: Two More Eggs, Two More Eggs!

{The eggs break into the pan.}

''{Cut to a cartoonishly-drawn kitchen. A cartoony green human is holding a jar of pickles.}''

PERSON: Gosh, I sure wish someone was around to help me get this jar of pickles open!

{Dooble pops out of a kitchen drawer as his theme starts playing.}

DOOBLE: HALOSCHE!

PERSON: Hooray! A little man has come to save me! Excuse me, sir, would you help with this&mdash;

DOOBLE: I has no chance, Jimberly! I have the hat meetings to attempt! {runs off}

PERSON: {sigh}

''{Cut back to the eggs. Someone pours sauce on them.}''

SINGERS: Extra sauce!

{Zoom out of a TV screen, then cut to a reverse shot, showing Arsene Video Greg at his house watching it.}

ARSENE VIDEO GREG: That was a terrible episode. {changes the channel}

ALEX TREBEK: {from the TV} This jolly band of helmet-wearers is having a meeting in less than a minute.

CONTESTANT: {from the TV} What is the Hat Brothers Hat Hat Club?

ALEX TREBEK: {from the TV} That is correct. Ferty nine trousand points for Jimberly.

ARSENE VIDEO GREG: WHY, YOU STUPID GAME&mdash; Wait, less than a minute? {runs out the door}

{Zoom out of another TV, this time belonging to EDITED Video Greg and Dean, who are watching it in the video dungeon.}

DEAN: So what's this movie called again?

EDITED VIDEO GREG: It's called Orders vs. Badness or something. People are raving about it online, so I thought I'd check it out.

DEAN: People are raving about it?

EDITED VIDEO GREG: Well, one guy is. Some dude with a jumble of letters name.

DEAN: What do you think of it so far?

EDITED VIDEO GREG: {shrugs} It's... fine, I guess. Started off way too dark and serious for a comedy, though. And then the tone changed abruptly and now it's even more boring.

DEAN: Well, it's the opening credits. It'll get more exciting, I'm sure.

EDITED VIDEO GREG: I wouldn't get my hopes up if I were you.

DEAN: {checks her watch} Hey, shouldn't we attend the meeting in a couple minutes?

EDITED VIDEO GREG: Ehh, I don't care. I don't even like helmets that much. Besides, why attend a meeting when we can just watch it?

HONSTLAR: {opens the door and peeks inside} What are you guys talking about?

EDITED VIDEO GREG: {suddenly standing up} Why, I was uh, just about to leave for the meeting of course! Come on, Dean, let's go!

{EDITED Video Greg, Dean, and Honstlar walk out, while Zascub stands outside.}

ZASCUB: Wait, you guys! You forgot to pause your T-TV, TV show! Fine, I'll do it.

''{Zascub presses pause on his remote, causing the universe to freeze. Oblivious, Zascub smiles and walks offscreen.}''

''{Cut to a slow zoom-in to the exterior of the Pillquarters Metallix. Silhouettes of the BODH walk towards it. Text fades in over the screen, reading:}''

''{The text disappears. Cut to the inside. Zascub arrives first, followed shortly by Honstlar, EDITED Video Greg, and Dean. Coach E and SRMX12 walk in before Rabite and Homestar. Arsene arrives next, as Dooble pops up from under the table. Stom follows Sume, holding a stack of waffles and a waffle iron, which he puts beneath the table. Gfd arrives last, out of breath, holding his tall sandwich. Everyone starts mumbling unintelligibly to each other for a few seconds.}''

HONSTLAR: Order! ORDER! I hereby call this meeting of the Broternal Order of Different Helmets to order! Let us begin, as always, with some chants and perhaps a little prance. A-one, a-two, a-one, two, three...

ALL: {singing} Ever and more, ever and more, ever and more...

HONSTLAR: That's right!

ALL: {singing} Ever and more, ever and more, ever and more!

HONSTLAR: Last one now!

ALL: {singing} Ever and more, ever and more, EVER AND MORE!

HONSTLAR: Thank you. As always, Royal Secretarian SRMX12 will take the minutes for today's meeting.

SRMX12: {writing in his scroll} 12:05 &mdash; Royal Secretarian instructed to take minutes. 12:06 &mdash; Royal Secretarian thinks about it. {pause} 12:07 &mdash; Royal Secretarian complies.

STOM: Speaking of minutes, thirty of them happened in the past half-hour. So here are your regularly-scheduled waffles. {throws waffles to everyone}

HONSTLAR: Thanks a fairly large bunch, Brother Stom! First on the agenda, does anyone have any propositions for the Order?

We should bake them some cookies, or invite them over for brunch.

SRMX12: 12:08 &mdash; Terrible, terrible, terrible suggestion.

HONSTLAR: Uh, Gfd... our next door neighbor tries to kill us several times a week.

''{Cut to Castle Grindolo and the Pillquarters, side by side, with a dramatic music sting. Cut back to the inside of the Pillquarters.}''

We haven't invited him to brunch, lunch, munch, crunch, or like a whole bunch.

GRINDOLO: {voiceover} He's right. I don't eat, but I would at least appreciate an invitation.

Grindolo agrees with me.

HONSTLAR: Wait. GRINDOLO?!

{Pan right to reveal Grindolo next to the table.}

GRINDOLO: You have been awfully rude, and I think a light murdering is in order.

How about waffles?

STOM: It hasn't been 30 minutes yet!



SRMX12: 12:09 &mdash; Looking into potential murder.

EDITED VIDEO GREG: You've never beaten us before. What's going to change this time?

GRINDOLO: This time... I have new recruits.

{Grindolo waves his arm, and all of the BODH's previous enemies appear: the Pretender, Mr. Dando, the Cleanser Geek, an army of Unguraits, the Heinous Disorder of Obnoxious Badguys, an army of Tappatok, Heatbro, Jimley, Duplicato, the Aminal Mafia, Master GD, Supreme Master Doloman, Sir Grinsly, Old-Timey Strong Bad, and Trogdor.}

It's every bad guy we've ever faced! This is awesome!

SRMX12: This is terrible! I don't even remember half these guys!

EDITED VIDEO GREG: Yeah, it would sure be a shame if someone hadn't read all the episodes before watching this movie. {looks at the camera} Or else the following sequence will make no sense whatsoever.

HONSTLAR: I thought a whole bunch of 'em died in battle! How are they here?

GRINDOLO: I used your time machine to steal your past enemies from alternate timelines. I'll let them defeat you, while I sit back and enjoy the spectacle.

{Foreboding, anticipatory music plays as both sides prepare for battle.}

RALTSNOH OMEGA: You can not win. We have strength in numbers... and powers... and we're, you know, pretty much superior to you in every way.

MOTS: {creates a wave of potato salad in preparation} Enough waffling, taste potato salad!

MR. DANDO: I'll finally get you crazy kids!

DUPLICATO: You don't have any superpowers or Strong Badm'ns to defeat me this time! {duplicates himself} In fact, you can't defeat any of me!

DON MICHAEL: {holds up the memory-stealing device} You stole our memories. Now it's our turn.

TAPPATOK: Honstlar Waddler resisted the ways of Tappatok and led to its downfall. We will not fail again.

MASTER GD: You stopped me from getting the crystal shards and taking over Planet K. Consider this my retaliation.

SIR GRINSLY: I'll give you modern-day whippersnappers what's for! And what's for is a severe beating to the cranium with my monochrome fist!

OLD-TIMEY STRONG BAD: {holds up a pistol} Have at you, you meddling roustabouts!

TROGDOR: {computer-generated voice} Prepare for burnination.

JIMLEY: My name is Jimley!

HONSTLAR: Oh, it's on.

''{The music swells. Both sides charge toward each other. The battle begins!}''

RENNUR RATSEMOH: !niaga nekorb era sepip ehT

''{Ratsemoh jumps up and spin-kicks Gfd across the face, sending him stumbling backward into a table. Gfd retaliates by picking up the table and crushing Ratsemoh.}''

HONSTLAR: Take this, backwards Dean!

{Honstlar kicks Naed across the room into the Pretender, damaging his robot suit.}

THE PRETENDER: Ow, my robod!

NAED: Ows, my nodagrop!

''{Cut to SRMX12 frantically typing on the Prisma One. Tappatok robots quickly run to stop him, but most of them explode before they get to him.}''

SRMX12: I knew my computational prowess would come in handy during a huge battle someday!

21XMRS: WHAT IS COMPUTES?

SRMX12: I'm not going to dignify that cretinous question with an intellectual response.

21XMRS: WHUH?

SRMX12: {smashes his opposite over the head with the Prisma One; writing in his scroll} 12:13 &mdash; Royal Secretarian be's cool.

{Cut to Heatbro shooting fireballs at EDITED Video Greg.}

HEATBRO: Oh yeah! Feel the burn!

EDITED VIDEO GREG: {grabs his sketchbook and starts drawing}

HEATBRO: You're going to defeat me with paper? Ha! Fire beats paper! And rock beats... wait, what beats fire again?

EDITED VIDEO GREG: {takes a bucket out of his sketchbook} Water.

{EDITED Video Greg tosses the bucket of water on Heatbro, mildly extinguishing him.}

HEATBRO: Aughhh! Somebody help!!

''{Trogdor burninates Heatbro, reigniting him. Trogdor then breathes fire at Gfd, who inhales it and breathes it back at Trogdor, scorching him.}''



TROGDOR: {computer-generated voice} You... have burninated... the burninator. Well done, peasant.

{Trogdor falls over, crushing Mr. Dando and the Cleanser Geek.}

MR. DANDO: Ow! You crazy kids have done it again...

THE CLEANSER GEEK: My defeat is not approved!

HEATBRO: You... you killed Trogdor! Now who will light my flames?!

{EDITED Video Greg draws a fire extinguisher and uses it on Heatbro.}

EDITED VIDEO GREG: Consider yourself extinguished.

HEATBRO: {shrinking} I'd... rather not...

{Cut to Dooble pointing at Jimley.}

DOOBLE: You have crossed the wrong line this time, fresh pants! {holds up a Joybox} Protest yourself!

''{The Joybox gives Dooble a robot suit. He jumps on Jimley and gains 2000 points.}''

JIMLEY: Ahh, my name was Jimley!



{Cut to Sume using her mop as a staff to fight off swarms of Unguraits.}

EDITED VIDEO GREG: {offscreen} Hey, bandage-heads! Over here!

''{The Unguraits run toward EDITED Video Greg. He blinks really hard, sending them all flying backwards and hitting the wall.}''

ARSENE VIDEO GREG: Son, I always knew you'd blink better than me someday!

{Cut to Stom throwing waffles at the remaining bad guys, knocking them back.}

STOM: How do you like them waffles?

MOTS: Shut up about the waffles already!

''{Mots summons a pile of potato salad. It surrounds him, turning him into a giant potato salad monster. He moves his foot down to step on Stom, but something stops him. Pan down to Stom, wearing a similar giant waffle suit and holding up Mots's foot. The two food monsters battle it out.}''

MOTS: How did you make all those waffles so fast?

STOM: Don't underestimate the power of waffles! {punches Mots out of the building}

OLD-TIMEY STRONG BAD: What manner of duel is this? Back in my day, we settled things with old-fashioned pistols and fisticuffs! None of these fancy parlor tricks or techno-loggy! {shoots at Rabite}

{Stom throws a waffle at the bullet, deflecting it back at Old-Timey Strong Bad.}

OLD-TIMEY STRONG BAD: Agh! I've been bested by some manner of cakèd delight!

SIR GRINSLY: Fear not! I shall avenge you!

{Sir Grinsly creates a bunch of fog and light effects.}

HONSTLAR: Is that all you can do? Fog and lights?

SIR GRINSLY: Hey, 1930s special effects are very limited!

{Honstlar kicks Sir Grinsly.}

SIR GRINSLY: Ow. Don't do that. {explodes}

SUPREME MASTER DOLOMAN: You are strong, purple one... but no match for a master of fighting and challenge. Power Crunch Attack! {launches a wave of cassette tapes at him}

HONSTLAR: Lightning Chaos Vortex! {prepares to attack}

SUPREME MASTER DOLOMAN: Sorry, purple thing, but I have mastered the art of deflecting Lightning Chaos Vort&mdash;

{Honstlar shoots Doloman with Old-Timey Strong Bad's pistol.}

SUPREME MASTER DOLOMAN: AUGH! That was not even close to a Lightning Chaos Vortex! You're terrible at this!

HONSTLAR: You may be a master of fighting and challenge, but that doesn't make you any less gullible.

SUPREME MASTER DOLOMAN: You... outsmarted me? I have brought shame upon my family... {explodes}

MASTER GD: Master! Stop exploding this instant! {to Honstlar} You'll pay for this...

HONSTLAR: I've got two bucks. How's that sound?

MASTER GD: I will accept no less than five bucks and your life.

HONSTLAR: Aw man, I wanted to spend my five bucks on some snacks.

{Honstlar tries to shoot GD, but the bullets bounce off.}

MASTER GD: Fool. My armor is too strong to be damaged by such antiquated techniques.

HONSTLAR: You have armor? I couldn't see it under all that silhouette.

MASTER GD: Well, I do. And it's impenetrable.

HONSTLAR: Shoot.

It doesn't work.

HONSTLAR: No, I meant... nevermind. Anyone need this gun?

RABITE: I'll take it!

HONSTLAR: Catch! {throws it over to Rabite}

RABITE: Thanks! I'll try to stop Duplicato! {runs offscreen}

HONSTLAR: You'll never win, Master Green Dude. Hey, wait &mdash; didn't you say your name was Z Sabre in the new Stinkoman level?

MASTER GD: Z Sabre's my given name, Master Green Dude's my nickname.

HONSTLAR: So why are you still silhouetted? We've all played the level and seen what you look like.

MASTER GD: It's a fashion statement. Clearly you're not cool enough to understand.

HONSTLAR: How do you manage to stay silhouetted all the time anyway?

MASTER GD: It takes practice and effort, but once you learn it, it's not that difficult. Just find specific angles where the light is least refracted, and, you know...

''{Cut to Rabite shooting Duplicato with Old-Timey Strong Bad's pistol. Duplicato keeps creating clones of himself as shields.}''

DUPLICATO: Ha ha! I'm right in front of you, and you still can't hit me! That's pathetic!

RABITE: Do you ever run out of clones?

DUPLICATO: Nope! For as long as you keep shooting that thing, I'll always have more clones to block 'em with! You can't defeat&mdash;

ZASCUB: Sneak attack! {tackles him to the ground from behind}

RABITE: It's not a sneak attack if you say "sneak attack".

ZASCUB: At least it worked. Guy must have slow reflexes.

{Cut to Gfd rummaging through a box.}

{pulls out an orb} Ah-ha! I knew I still had the Kirby Orb stashed somewhere!

COACH E: {fighting E Hcaoc} The what?

Honstlar gave it to me that one time we played Super Smash Brethren. When I eat it, I transform into Garby, who's like a weird hybrid of Kirby and me! Then I can eat people to get their powers!

COACH E: Jack Kirby or Vacuum Kirby?



COACH E: Oh, of course. So the Kirby Orb lets you do cool stuff like this? {punches E Hcaoc across the room}



COACH E: Full disclosure, I probably taste bad, please don't eat me.



E HCAOC: Then don't eat me either!



{Cut back to Honstlar and Master GD.}

MASTER GD: And if all else fails, black paint will do the trick.

HONSTLAR: I see.

MASTER GD: Wait, why are we talking? I'm supposed to be killing you!

HONSTLAR: Because distraction.

MASTER GD: What?

{Gfd (as Garby) jumps in and inhales Master GD.}

Now I have all types of 20X6 powers! Poison Rain Vornado!

''{A Poison Rain Vorando knocks the remaining bad guys offscreen. Garby spits out the orb and turns back into Gfd.}''

''{Cut to a wide shot of the damaged Pillquarters. Every bad guy is dead or injured, as Grindolo watches from afar. He teleports the rest of the bad guys away.}''

GRINDOLO: {claps slowly} Very impressive. You certainly put on quite a show. I didn't expect to have to step in so soon.

HONSTLAR: We defeated all of them. What makes you think you can defeat us?

GRINDOLO: I am Grindolo.



HONSTLAR: Well folks, you know what that means... Let's morph!

{The BODH morphs into the Power Helmets.}

HONSTLAR: GO, GO, POWER HELMETS!

GRINDOLO: That's cute. Well, time for you to die, I guess.

SRMX12: Another mindless action scene? Can we just skip to the good stuff? I want to see some plot development! Where are the character arcs?

HONSTLAR: Shut it, this is important!

''{A slow motion fight scene begins. Grindolo calmly walks toward the BODH. Honstlar leaps up to kick Grindolo in the face, but Grindolo grabs his foot in midair and slams him down to the ground with minimal effort.}''

{Gfd shoots potatoes from his face at Grindolo, who shields himself with a force field and tosses Gfd across the room with his mind.}

''{Stom fires a laser beam at Grindolo, who simply catches it and shapes it into a ball of energy. He throws it back, exploding the BODH.}''

{A burnt, charred SRMX12 tries to electrocute Grindolo from behind, but without looking, Grindolo fires a projectile of dark magic at him, knocking him down.}

''{Dooble throws a pie, but Grindolo moves out of the way. He then takes a chunk out of the ceiling with his mind, and smashes the BODH with it, scattering debris across the room and de-morphing them into their regular selves.}''

{Cut to the BODH in a bruised, crumpled heap, as Grindolo stands triumphant.}

GRINDOLO: Maybe next time you'll think twice before your ancestor seals a vengeful spirit in a cave. I'd kill you all now, but I'd rather make this slow and painful, as you wallow in your pitiful defeat.

HONSTLAR: No way. We're... we're going to beat you, just like always.

GRINDOLO: It's funny that you believe that. This is a spell I learned from my master a long time ago &mdash; you'll be incapacitated until the pain kills you all within the next five minutes or so.

{Grindolo sends black lightning out of his fingers, and electricity surges around the BODH as they writhe and scream in helpless agony.}

GRINDOLO: {kneels down to speak to the BODH} Honstlar Waddler. For five hundred long years, you were all I thought of. This is the day I've dreamt of all that time. Because today, Honstlar Waddler, is the day you will die. And you will die a failure. A failure who could not vanquish his most powerful enemy. A failure who could not save his friends. Although I suppose I should thank you &mdash; without you pathetic mortals, I would still be in that horrific cave. Thanks to you, I am free to live the rest of eternity in peace, knowing you will no longer meddle in my great plans.

{Grindolo stands up and looks down at the helpless BODH.}

GRINDOLO: I'd love to stay and watch, but I've got things I must attend to. Goodbye forever. {walks out}

''{Cut to Castle Grindolo. Grindolo sits in his throne, pleased with himself. The Pretender stands next to him.}''

GRINDOLO: Well, Pretender, we've finally done it. My plan, five hundred years in the making, has come to fruition. Sir Honald Waddler's offspring, and his Broternal Order, are dead &mdash; or, you know, they will be in a couple minutes. You have no idea how many centuries I've waited for this moment.

THE PRETENDER: Five?

GRINDOLO: Okay, so maybe you do have an idea. But still, it's a really long time.

THE PRETENDER: So, now that you've fulfilled your ultimate goal, what are you planning to do now?

GRINDOLO: You know, I've been so preoccupied with killing Waddler, I've barely worked on my primary goal... world domination.

{A scary chord is heard.}

THE PRETENDER: What was that sound?

GRINDOLO: Oh, Mr. Dando has been practicing the trombone. He hasn't played since high school.

THE PRETENDER: Okay, cool. So what did you say again?

GRINDOLO: World domination.

{A scary chord is heard.}

THE PRETENDER: Sounds neat. How are you planning to do that exactly?

GRINDOLO: I've just killed the Broternal Order of Different Helmets. I've failed more times than I can count, but now, I have finally succeeded. Thus, it stands to reason that I'm powerful enough to kill anyone I want. Once everyone on Earth is dead, I will populate it with my own minions and be worshipped for eternity! Then my reign will spread to other planets, and the universe will be mine to command!

THE PRETENDER: You know... you're starting to sound an awful lot like you-know-who.

GRINDOLO: Shut up about you-know-who. I'm nothing like him.

THE PRETENDER: Whatever you say.

GRINDOLO: Now run along and see how Mr. Dando's trombone practice is doing. Tell him to maintain his embouchure.

THE PRETENDER: On it. {walks out of the room}

''{Grindolo sits on his throne, sighing in satisfaction. After a moment, a portal opens in the shadows. Xar'ak walks through it, silhouetted, and closes the portal behind him.}''

XAR'AK: Grindolo.

GRINDOLO: Master. You're still alive.

XAR'AK: Of course. You know better than anyone, I am eternal.

GRINDOLO: {spitefully} To what do I owe this pleasure? If you want me to join you again, I refuse. You could've freed me from that cave, and yet you betrayed me. I'm not going to be your slave again.

XAR'AK: You are mistaken, Grindolo. I have not come here to join you.

GRINDOLO: Good.

XAR'AK: I have come here to kill you.

GRINDOLO: Wait, what?

{Dramatic music begins.}

XAR'AK: I've had my minions keep tabs on you for the past five centuries, but you've never become a threat until now. I simply can not afford interference in my plans, even from something as insignificant as you.

GRINDOLO: But... you created me! We were partners! We spent hundreds of years taking over worlds together!

XAR'AK: It does not matter to me. You used to put my plans in jeopardy, and even after I sealed you in that cave, you continue to do so.

GRINDOLO: Wait. You sealed me in that cave?!

XAR'AK: Well, technically the Waddler knight did, but you could say I... influenced him somewhat.

GRINDOLO: {enraged} You... you...

''{Grindolo uses all of his power to unleash a desperate, unceasing bombardment of rapid-fire attacks, summoning every ounce of strength he has and every spell he knows within seconds. He releases an utter barrage of magic and destruction, the likes of which have never been seen before. Xar'ak, on the other hand, doesn't move or even flinch. He merely shields and deflects the attacks with his mind. After a minute, Grindolo falls to the floor, weakened and in pain, trying to catch his breath.}''

XAR'AK: You have improved somewhat since we last met. It's truly a shame you won't be able to contribute to my plan.

{Xar'ak raises his arm as Grindolo looks on in fear.}

XAR'AK: Goodbye forever.

''{Xar'ak makes a gesture with his hand. Grindolo's ghostly cloak tears apart and his remains float to the ground, decomposing until he has disappeared entirely.}''

XAR'AK: And thus the mighty Grindolo meets his end. I must admit, he built a fine castle. It would be unfortunate to let such a healthy piece of real estate go to waste.

''{The music escalates as Xar'ak raises his arms. The castle begins to decay and turn black. Spikes rise up from the floor. The windows turn red. Cut to the outside of Castle Grindolo. It transforms into a completely different, much more menacing castle.}''

XAR'AK: {echoey voiceover} This shall be my base from which I will conquer Earth. And with Grindolo dead... no one shall stop me.

{The music ends.}

''{Cut back to the Pillquarters, where the members of the BODH squirm and scream as they're electrocuted. Suddenly, the electricity stops.}''

HONSTLAR: {panting} Wha... what happened?

SRMX12: Ow... the spell isn't supposed to stop. Is it?

ZASCUB: Maybe Grindolo decided to let us live.

HONSTLAR: Nah. Grindolo isn't like that. Something fishy is goin' on.



{A rolled-up newspaper flies through the window and hits Gfd in the face.}



HONSTLAR: Hey everyone, the newspaper's here!

EDITED VIDEO GREG: Dang, the paper guy has good aim.

''{Honstlar grabs the newspaper and sits on the couch. He opens to a page and starts reading.}''

HONSTLAR: WHAT?!

RABITE: Honstlar? What are you so surprised about?

HONSTLAR: This can't be! This is impossible.

SUME: Just hurry up and tell us already!

HONSTLAR: You'll never believe me.

ZASCUB: It's in the newspaper! It must be true!

HONSTLAR: All right... Louisiana Ball-Have just won the basknetball championship!

No way!

HONSTLAR: See, look! Right here on the sports page. {hands the newspaper to Gfd}

Never woulda thought. {flips through the paper} Oh, and apparently Grindolo died.

HONSTLAR: WHAT?!



HONSTLAR: It can't be true! Grindolo can't die!

SRMX12: Now that I think about it, this makes perfect sense. That's why we stopped being electrocuted!



''{Party music plays. A banner reading "GOODBYE GRINDOLO" comes down from above. A disco ball shines lights on the walls. Confetti rains down. A food table slides in from the left. Balloons float up from Hammerspace.}''

''{Cut to a panning shot of the Pillquarters. Everyone is dancing, eating food, and talking.}''

HONSTLAR: I call dibs on the punch!



EDITED VIDEO GREG: You guys must've been unbelievably prepared for this.

{Cut to Honstlar looking at some empty snack bags.}

HONSTLAR: Hey! Who ate all the Cheat-Toes? We had like fifty bags of that stuff!

I don't think anyone is capable of eating such large quantities in such a short time. Why, perhaps they've's been stolen!

HONSTLAR: {sigh} Gfd. You owe me fifty bags of Cheat-Toes.

I have a health condition. I can't stop eating or I'll explode in a big fiery ball, shattering the Earth into two jillion delicious bite-sized pieces!

HONSTLAR: But... you're not eating right now.

Call the astronauts! Evacuate the planet!

{Pause.}

HONSTLAR: Nothing happened.

Who says I'm not eating?

HONSTLAR: I do. You're clearly not putting food in your mouth right now.



HONSTLAR: {looks inside} Yeah, it's full. {looks up at Gfd} Why does that matter?



HONSTLAR: {looks inside} It's... empty.

SRMX12: Wow, you truly are a force of unspeakable power.

COACH E: So that explains why food always goes missing from my fridge.

EDITED VIDEO GREG: And why socks always go missing from my laundry.

''{They continue eating and dancing around. SRMX12 looks out the window.}''

SRMX12: Hey, guys? Why does Grindolo's castle look so different?

HONSTLAR: Since Grindolo's dead, someone else must've moved in next door! We should give them a warm welcome to the neighbors.

''{Cut to a silhouette shot of the Pillquarters on the right and the castle on the left, as the party music becomes slightly muffled and quiet. The silhouetted BODH walk up to the castle and knock on the door. Cut to the front door, as the music stops completely. Xar'ak, still obscured by shadow, opens it.}''



{Honstlar nudges Gfd.}

We brought you some cookies.

XAR'AK: Who are you?

HONSTLAR: We're your new next-door neighbors! The Broternal Order of Different Helmets. Who are you?

XAR'AK: I am the almighty... the all-powerful...

{Xar'ak steps out of the shadows, revealing himself to be a dark-cloaked figure with a spiky-toothed skull, red eyes, and gray claws, holding a black staff with a dark red swirling orb at the top.}

XAR'AK: Xar'ak.

COACH E: Nice to meet you, Xar'ak.

SRMX12: Grindolo lived here earlier, right? Would you happen to know what happened to him?

XAR'AK: It was I who killed him.

HONSTLAR: Wow! You did that?! You must be insanely powerful!



XAR'AK: I have no interest in brunch. {slams the door shut}

{The BODH starts walking back to the Pillquarters.}

HONSTLAR: Well... what do you make of that guy?

STOM: Not very friendly, that's for sure.

His old one must've melted off.

''{They open the door to the Pillquarters and walk inside. The party music is no longer playing.}''

SRMX12: I'm starting to suspect he may not be a good person.

HONSTLAR: Yeah, a dark cloak with red eyes and a skull for a face? Definitely villain material.

With an apostrophe! That's a villainous name if ever I've heard one!

SRMX12: Grindolo may be gone, but... I'm worried that something worse may have replaced him. We have to find out more.

{Cut to the BODH meeting Homsar in the Homsar Reservation.}

EDITED VIDEO GREG: Seriously? This guy?

HONSTLAR: We've already asked everyone else. Besides, he's my half-half-brother, so I know him pretty well.

EDITED VIDEO GREG: You know him pretty well? One, he's insane, and two... remember that time he turned evil and infected us with the Homsar curse?

HONSTLAR: That was all the way back in season one. A simple continuity error. Besides, he helped fix the curse, didn't he?

EDITED VIDEO GREG: Fine. If you want to ask this guy, go ahead.

HONSTLAR: Hey Homsar, what do you know about Xar'ak?

HOMSAR: AaAaAh, give pastry a chance!

''{Homsar's hat floats up and splits into several identical hats, each one floating onto a BODH member's head. Suddenly, the background turns white with colorful lines speeding through it, as if travelling through the universe at light speed. The BODH's eyes widen as they begin to levitate.}''

It's like I can see... everything.

STOM: Galaxy formation... molecular structure... mathematical theorems... it all makes sense...

SRMX12: I finally understand the meaning of life. It's 27, oddly enough.

HONSTLAR: How does this even work?

HOMSAR: {speaking in a deep voice} By donning the ancient headgear of my Homsarian ancestors, you have inherited its wisdom.

HONSTLAR: Wow. Never knew a bowler hat could be so powerful.



HONSTLAR: Oh right. 'Cept yours, Gfd.

SUME: So tell us about this Xar'ak guy. Is he evil?

HOMSAR: No, he's not evil...



HOMSAR: ...Evil is him.



HOMSAR: Xar'ak is the personification of all that is wrong in the universe, responsible for everything that has ever done harm.

HONSTLAR: Wow. So you're saying he's, like... Grindolo times infinity?

HOMSAR: Exactly. In fact, he created Grindolo to be his partner about a millenium ago. But then something happened between them, and they don't really talk to each other anymore. Grindolo never calls or writes... it's quite sad, actually.

Say, how powerful is Xar'ak anyway?

HOMSAR: His power is near unlimited, and he's only getting stronger over time.

EDITED VIDEO GREG: Near unlimited? What does that mean exactly?

HOMSAR: When he does something too demanding, he needs to stop and "recharge" his magic, so to speak. I assume that's what he's doing right now. When he's ready, he'll be able to take over the entire planet in seconds. Then he'll move on to the next planet, and the next, until the entire universe is in his grasp.

STOM: Wait, he wants to take over the universe?!

HOMSAR: Of course. What would you expect from a supervillain? {shows planets being consumed by darkness} For the past million years, he has been conquering planets one-by-one, and subjecting their inhabitants to endless torture and suffering.

EDITED VIDEO GREG: So how many planets has he taken over?

HOMSAR: As of right now, I'd say... roughly two thirds of the universe.

ALL: {gasp}

ARSENE VIDEO GREG: So wait. If he's conquered the majority of the universe... why did he choose to make his castle on Earth, of all places?

HOMSAR: He has a base on every planet he takes over. {shows Xar'ak's castle} His base on Earth is just one of billions. It's more convenient for him this way... like having a pre-booked hotel in every country you visit.

It's worse than I thought!

HOMSAR: Oddly, Earth is not yet on his schedule, as far as I'm aware. He shouldn't be here for another several years. {thinks for a moment} I know his minions constantly search for threats to eliminate... so I guess Grindolo must have been one of those threats.

SRMX12: How do you know so much about Xar'ak?

HOMSAR: He and I have a... history, let's leave it at that. I'm using my power to avoid being sensed by him. If he knew I was here, I wouldn't be here.

EDITED VIDEO GREG: How can we beat him?

HOMSAR: That's the problem. You can't destroy him simply through force, because he's not a physical being. He's more like a ghost. If you try to kick him, your foot will just go right through him.

HONSTLAR: Grindolo was a ghost too, and we beat him up all the time. What's the difference?

HOMSAR: Grindolo could never really get over the loss of his physical form, so he used some of his power to occupy physical space and become tangible. He was half physical, half metaphysical, in a sense.

EDITED VIDEO GREG: So you're saying this guy is invincible? That sucks.

HOMSAR: Yes, I'm afraid so. However, he has a connection to his dimension, Xar'aeq-f'ghark'e-tw'klaen'...

STOM: Xar-what?!

HOMSAR: Xar'aeq-f'ghark'e-tw'klaen'. But you guys can call it... oh, I dunno... the Dimension of Darkness?

STOM: That sounds so much cooler! Why can't our dimension have some cool name like that?

HOMSAR: So, as I was saying, he has a connection to the Dimension of Darkness. Think of it like a Wi-Fi connection... if the signal doesn't reach, he can't read articles online, or play fun browser games, or watch cat videos.



HOMSAR: It was an analogy. I'm simply saying that if his dimension is destroyed, he gets destroyed with it.



EDITED VIDEO GREG: So how can we destroy the Dimension of Darkness?

HOMSAR: There are three crystal elements located deep within the dimension. {makes yellow, blue, and red crystals appear} If you destroy all three, the dimension collapses and Xar'ak is no more. {shows the crystals exploding} But it's not that easy. Xar'ak wants his adversaries to be worthy of his wrath, so you must prove your strength by facing three challenges.

STOM: Oh man. What type?

HOMSAR: {shows the yellow element} To get to the first element, you must go through physical trials &mdash; running, jumping, climbing, all that stuff. {shows the blue element} The second element requires you to face your worst fears. {shows the red element} And lastly, the third element... no one knows what the challenge is. No one's ever gotten that far.

ARSENE VIDEO GREG: That doesn't sound too bad.

HOMSAR: I'm not finished. You see, there's a bit of a time limit...

EDITED VIDEO GREG: Aw man. Why does everything in movies always have a time limit?

HOMSAR: You must destroy his dimension before he takes over Earth. If you destroy it afterwards, it will make no difference. Simply killing him will not reverse his actions, and Earth will continue to be tortured forever.

DEAN: Any more bad news?

HOMSAR: There's no guarantee you'll make it back here. If you don't destroy the dimension, you could be stuck there for all eternity. If you do destroy the dimension, there's a good chance you'll be destroyed with it. So... yeah, just a warning.

SRMX12: How do we get there?

HOMSAR: That part's easy. You still have the Golden Fedora, right?

{Silence.}

HONSTLAR: Oh, um... {clears throat} About that... yeah, I kinda destroyed it. It was too convenient.

HOMSAR: What?! Oh well. At least you have the Platinum Porkpie.



HOMSAR: Oh, come on! The Bronze Beret?!

SRMX12: Never heard of it.

HOMSAR: {sigh} Well, there is one other way... but you're not gonna like it.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: What is it?

HOMSAR: Somewhere in deep space, in the middle of Xar'ak's part of the universe, there is a portal to his dimension. {shows a portal in space} I believe it's a remnant from his past &mdash; he must've used it to transport his spaceships and minions between dimensions. Now, he's powerful enough that he doesn't need that portal, but fortunately for us, he's forgotten to close it.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: But how's we supposed to get to space?

HOMSAR: I... I don't know. That's up to you to figure out, I'm afraid. There's nothing else I can tell you.

''{Everyone takes off their Homsar bowler hat, turning the background back into the Homsar Reservation. They walk away.}''

HONSTLAR: {looking back} Thanks for your help, Homsar.

HOMSAR: {in his regular voice} AaAaAah, don't paste what you can't stave off!

HONSTLAR: Thanks, I'll keep that in mind. {continues walking}

''{Cut to the remains of the Pillquarters Metallix. The BODH are sprawled across the room, brainstorming.}''

DEAN: Have you tried calling Gankroar? He has a spaceship.

HONSTLAR: No... I don't have his number.

COACH E: Could you contact Limozeen?

HONSTLAR: I don't have their number either.

COACH E: But... they gave you their number the last time we recorded a song together.

HONSTLAR: Well, I forgot it.

COACH E: They entered it into your phone.

HONSTLAR: It was deleted.

SUME: Well, this is extremely inconvenient on a number of levels.

STOM: What if we get SRMX12 to code a spaceship or something?

HONSTLAR: He can't do that.

SRMX12: {typing} Yes, I can! In fact, I'm already halfway done. I just need to&mdash;

HONSTLAR: No, you really don't have to.

SRMX12: {stops typing} But I want to. It'll be fun, and it'll give us a way to get to space!

HONSTLAR: But what if it doesn't work? I mean, given your coding skills, I wouldn't be willing to set foot on that spaceship.

SRMX12: W... what?

HONSTLAR: We'll just have to stay here and wait for the end of the world. We've got snacks and video games. Who wants first game on Stinkoman Kenoverse?

RABITE: Honstlar, can I see your phone?

HONSTLAR: No, why?

{holds it up}

HONSTLAR: Why do you have my phone?

Here you go. {gives it to Rabite}

HONSTLAR: NO! Give that back!

RABITE: Let's look through your contacts...

HONSTLAR: STOP! Those are personal!

RABITE: {disappointed sigh} I knew it. You had Limozeen's phone number on your phone this whole time! Why did you lie to us?

HONSTLAR: I don't want to do this. Give me my phone.

SRMX12: You don't want to save the remaining one-third of the universe?

HONSTLAR: Well, {sigh} yes, I do. But I&mdash; it's complicated.

SRMX12: How so?

HONSTLAR: It's just... it's scary, you know? Going to a whole new dimension to destroy the guy who, you know, destroyed our immortal mortal enemy in seconds.

RABITE: You think we're not afraid too? We're only doing this because we have to.

HONSTLAR: Yeah, but... look at you guys. Gfd can eat a thrillion times his weight in corn dogs. Greg has a magic book and magic blinking. Even Stom has his waffles. What do I have?



SRMX12: And excellent leadership skills.

HONSTLAR: Sure, but at the end of the day... or even at the beginning... pretty much the entire day, I'm just a guy. A normal guy. I'll probably just die and accomplish nothing.

Who cares if you die?

HONSTLAR: I do!

SRMX12: You won't die, trust me. We'll protect you. Come on.

HONSTLAR: Why should I? I can't make it through a bunch of trials. I can't destroy Xar'ak. I won't even make a difference. You don't need me. You're better off without me. If anything, I'll just slow you down.

COACH E: Don't talk that way! We do need you! You're our Supreme Overlord!

HONSTLAR: Not anymore. Garbles, I'm giving you the title of temporary Supreme Overlord.

My first decree is that donut holes shall be our new form of currency, and that I shall eat them all.

HONSTLAR: Hey, hey, don't abuse your privileges.

I'll eat some of them.

COACH E: Please, come with us. I'm sure you've saved the universe dozens of times by now. What's one more?

HONSTLAR: I'm staying. And that's final.

That we may never see each other again?

{Solemn music begins to play.}

HONSTLAR: I know that. This choice is as difficult for me as it is for you. But I know you'll succeed, and I know you'll find a way back. You always do. Also, this movie would be a real downer if you didn't return.

{sigh} Goodbye.

HONSTLAR: See you soon, Supreme Overlord.

EDITED VIDEO GREG: This is sweet and all, but we should leave, like, now. Xar'ak could take over the world at any second.

SRMX12: That's true. We should get Limozeen to pick us up.

{The BODH walks out, but Dean stands still.}

EDITED VIDEO GREG: Dean? You coming?

DEAN: {uncertain} Yeah, yeah. It's just... I'm not sure.

EDITED VIDEO GREG: What is it?

DEAN: I was just thinking... well, shouldn't there be someone staying behind to protect Earth? We can't leave it unguarded. You'll need someone to keep an eye on Xar'ak and let you know if anything bad happens, and to protect Honstlar if need be.

STOM: She has a point. What do you say, Supreme Overlord?

Dean... Homestar... Dooble... Arsene... you protect the world, while we go save it.

ARSENE VIDEO GREG: Hey, a B-plot for the B-Team. That's appropriate.

EDITED VIDEO GREG: Are... are you sure you want to stay behind? We may never see you again.

DEAN: {deep breath; sigh} It's worth the risk. See you, Greg.

EDITED VIDEO GREG: See you, Diana... I think.



HONSTLAR: Goodbye.

''{The members of the BODH look at each other and nod. They regretfully leave the Pillquarters, leaving Honstlar and the B-Team behind.}''

HONSTLAR: Wait, do they still have my phone?

''{The opening riff of "Because, it's Midnite" plays. Cut to outer space. A small ship is faintly visible in the background. It flies closer, revealing itself to be the Space Machine. Cut to the interior, where Limozeen is playing the song.}''

LARRY: {singing} Sweet city sweat, vampire love,

GARY: {singing} Crimson flows down from the wings of a dove!

PERRY: {singing} Floatin' over the pavement,

MARY: {singing} Guitars take flight.

ALL: {singing} Wearin' my tightest pants, because it's midnite!

''{A beeping sound is heard. Limozeen stops playing.}''

GARY: We've got an incoming transmission!

LARRY: It's probably more groupies to hang out on our space tour! Tell them they can come aboard if they have long hair and/or fifty dollars in backstage passes!

{A giant hologram of Gfd appears in front of the band.}

LARRY: Aw, man! You're not a groupie.

PERRY: Hey, I remember you. Aren't you one of the weirdos from that lame band we collaborated with a while ago?

Gfd "The Person Who Sometimes Does Music-Related Things" Garbles, music-related thing-doer of Honest Liar. Me and my friends need to go to space and into a portal to another dimension so we can save a whole buncha planets. You know how it is. Typical Tuesday stuff.

GARY: It's Thursday.

Typical Tuesday stuff on a Thursday? What's next, three breakfasts for dinner? {checks schedule} Oh. That is what's next.

PERRY: What do you want?



PERRY: No. We are not just some sort of space taxi. We have things to do and places to&mdash;

LARRY: Abso-l-l-l-lutely!

PERRY: Oh. Okay.



{Cut to the BODH (sans Honstlar) floating up through a green beam into the ship.}

I'll have to adjust my schedule.

ZASCUB: You guys know where that portal is?

PERRY: It's less than twelve parsecs south of Groupulon-5, somewhere near the MacAlpine Nebula. We can getcha there in five minutes, tops.

{Cut to a view outside the window, a vibrant cosmic landscape abundant with glowing stars and colorful planets.}



SRMX12: I can see the Italian space program!

ZASCUB: I can see that little green guy who all-the-time floats around!

{Nebulon floats by.}

SUME: Are we ready? Let's all say it together.

ALL: NO ONE LIKES YOUR STYLE!!

{Nebulon frowns, and sulkily floats offscreen with his signature sound effect.}

I never get tired of tormenting that innocent little spacem'n.

SUME: I dunno... I sorta like his style. I don't get what all the fuss is about.

{Everyone else stares at Sume with a frightened look of shock and betrayal.}



SUME: You're right, I wasn't thinking. I&mdash; I'm sorry.

We all hate Nebulon's style. It's the very thing this hat club stands for!

''{Cut back to a view outside the window. The colorful planets now appear gray, lifeless, and decaying. The stars are no longer burning bright, leaving everything shrouded in darkness.}''

COACH E: Uh, guys? What happened here?

LARRY: We call this place the Gross Gray Zone. For some reason, the planets in this area are all gross and gray. And the area is always expanding, like the universe is being consumed by this gross grayness.

SRMX12: These must be all the planets Xar'ak's taken over. We need to hurry to that portal before the same happens to Earth.

''{Cut to the Space Machine arriving at a massive portal. Cut to the interior.}''

TEEG DOUGLAND: I'm afraid I've got some bad news, boys. Our lowering beam needs time to recharge. I'll have to reboot the system. {types into the control panel}

''{The portal begins shrinking rapidly. Quick, suspenseful music plays.}''

RABITE: The portal's closing!

SUME: Xar'ak must've detected our presence here.

SRMX12: {typing} Judging by the portal's current rate of closure, we only have about twenty seconds left! Oh wait, now it's fifteen.

EDITED VIDEO GREG: NO!! This can't be the end! This portal is the only way we can get the plot coupons we need to save the universe!

''{The portal is now half its former size. The music speeds up.}''

SRMX12: Ten seconds! How's it coming along, Teeg?

TEEG DOUGLAND: The system should be fully rebooted in five... four... three... two... one. Preparing beam.

EDITED VIDEO GREG: YES!! We're gonna make it!

{Teeg frantically presses buttons and levers, but alas, the portal closes.}

EDITED VIDEO GREG: We didn't make it.

SUME: Well, that sucks. Now we can't save the world and whatnot.

{Cut to the B-Team in the Pillquarters Metallix.}

DEAN: Okay, so we're supposed to protect Free Country, USA. How do we do that exactly? We're four regular people against an immortal spirit of evil. We're pretty much powerless to stop him.

ARSENE VIDEO GREG: It'd be a lot easier if our Supreme Overlord helped out at least a little.

{Cut to Honstlar lounging in front of the TV playing a video game.}

HONSTLAR: Yeah, well, it'd be a lot easier for me if you'd help me defeat this dang brain. It keeps making the ground disappear, and I'm running out of mans.

''{He continues playing. Slowly, darkness and decay spread across the room.}''

HONSTLAR: Huh, that's odd. Did Gfd eat the fabric of reality again?

{As the darkness reaches Honstlar, Tampo from Stinkoman 20X6 comes out of the TV.}

HONSTLAR: Whoa. I never realized this was an augmented reality game.

{Tampo shoots a blast at Honstlar, shocking him.}

HONSTLAR: OW! What's happening?! Darkness consuming the land... video games coming to life... this must be the end times!

DEAN: Is this... could it be...?

ARSENE VIDEO GREG: No way. He couldn't have done it already. There's still so much movie left!

DEAN: There's no other explanation. Xar'ak is taking over Earth.

''{Suddenly, spikes burst out of the walls, and the room begins to close in. Everyone runs across the room, dodging blasts as more video game bosses come out of the TV. They open the door and step outside to see the fiery, shrouded remains of Free Country, USA, its citizens trapped in endless torment.}''

HONSTLAR: He... he did it. That ne'er-do-well ruined the planet. That's extremely rude! Why, I'll show him. I'll&mdash;

{Honstlar is struck by a meteor.}

HONSTLAR: OWW! What are the odds of a meteor hitting me specifically?

{Honstlar is then struck by lightning, followed by two more meteors and a Heavy Lourde.}

HONSTLAR: {in serious pain} Oof&mdash; that... should have killed me. How am I still a&mdash; alive?

DEAN: From what I can tell, Xar'ak doesn't let his victims die. He uses his magic to keep them alive so they can suffer for all eternity.

HONSTLAR: Well dang, that&mdash; ouch&mdash; is a whole new level of rude. I wonder what's happening to everyone else...

''{Cut to Strong Bad on the Lappier. The computer room is dark and gray, and his eyes contain hypnotic swirls.}''

Dear Strong Bad, Hit yourself in the face with a brick repeatedly. Sincerely, Xavier Rakson

STRONG BAD: {hypnotically} Thank you for emailing, Xavier. Of course I will hit myself in the face with a brick repeatedly.

''{He gets out of his stool and stands in the center of the room. A brick appears in his hand and he rapidly smashes his face with it. He gets back on his stool, bruised and beaten.}''

STRONG BAD: {hypnotically} Next... email.

Dear SB, why don't you jump out that window? from K.A. Rax

STRONG BAD: {hypnotically} Of course, K.A. Rax. Anything for the fans. {runs offscreen as a shattering sound is heard}

''{Cut to Strong Bad landing next to the Stick. The Stick pokes a hole in Pom Pom as he passes by, deflating him.}''

''{Cut to Bubs' Concession Stand. The stand turns into Bubs's head again and chops it off. Onion Bubs leaps onto the counter and laughs maniacally, before the stand chops him into slices. The onion slices fly through a castle window, onto the King of Town's sub sandwich.}''

THE KING OF TOWN: Doo! Thanks for the sliced onions, the Chef!

{The sandwich transforms into a sub sandwich-constrictor and chases him around.}

THE KING OF TOWN: Doo hoo hoo! Chef! I think there's something wrong with my sandwich!

''{Cut to Strong Sad in his room. Instead of becoming dark, the room becomes bright and filled with rainbows, sunshine, trees, and forest animals.}''

STRONG SAD: Hey there, little critters! What a glorious day! {increasingly nervous} Uh... uh... so much sunshine... so many rainbows... oh no. Everything... so bright... {smiling} Nooo! I've... I've become happy! I'm joyful! This is terrible! {laughing} My life is ruined!

{Cut to Xar'ak standing in front of his base next to the Pillquarters.}

XAR'AK: Grindolo's former castle is too small for my preferences. Even posthumously, he continues to disappoint me. I must expand it.

MINION: Sir, this medication-shaped building is in the way. Would you like me to destroy it for you?

XAR'AK: Don't bother, minion 9,166,089,317. I will make short work of it.

''{Xar'ak snaps his fingers and instantly quadruples the size of his castle, causing the Pillquarters to blow up in a fiery explosion. The remaining debris is scattered throughout the Field. Cut to Honstlar, watching as he dodges video game bosses and other dangers.}''

HONSTLAR: NO!! THAT MONSTER! He just destroyed our headquarters! Now it's personal. {furiously; under his breath} I promise you, Pillquarters Metallix... you will be avenged.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: That's like the fifth time our pill place has been blown to bits! Why does this always happen?

DOOBLE: That overpriced towel is a menace to golf, tennis, and various other recreational activities!

HOMESTAR RUNNER: We have to tell the helmetmans!

DEAN: {gets out her phone and starts typing} I'm sending them a message now. {the phone explodes} Dang it, Xar'ak.

ARSENE VIDEO GREG: So... what now? I'm not a fan of eternal torture. Do we find a new planet, or what?

DEAN: No, we can't just find a new planet. Everything we've ever known is on Earth. Millions of years of history, art, medicine, technological advancement, down the drain. We need to save it.

ARSENE VIDEO GREG: How? Homsar said Xar'ak's spells were irreversible.

DEAN: I... I don't know. We'll think of something.

HOMSAR: {waddles onscreen} I must say, Honstlar, I am disappointed in you. Staying behind while your friends risk their lives... for shame. I foresaw great things for you, and now... I belive my visions may have been misguided. Maybe if you had joined your friends, this could have been prevented.

HONSTLAR: Sure, I'll help them, all right. I'll go to that weird dimension and kill the guy myself. That'll teach him to take over my planet.

HOMSAR: That will not end the torment he has caused. As I said, Xar'ak's spells are irreversible.

HONSTLAR: I know, I just want revenge. Show him who he's messing with.

HOMSAR: Even so, I'm afraid you missed your chance. Xar'ak closed the portal a few minutes ago.

HONSTLAR: Oh, come on! Isn't there some way for me to get to his dimension?

HOMSAR: I may be able to send you back in time, moments before the portal was closed. You will not have enough time to prevent this calamity, but&mdash;

HONSTLAR: I don't care, just do it.

{Homsar concentrates, and Honstlar vanishes.}

DEAN: Wait, you can send people back in time?

HOMSAR: That is a bit of an oversimplification, but&mdash;

DEAN: That's great! We can go to the past and stop Xar'ak!

ARSENE VIDEO GREG: Stop Xar'ak? The guy just enslaved seven billion people in a couple seconds.

DOOBLE: We can't splice this cabbage! He has gallons of secret sauce up his sleeve!

DEAN: That's the thing... we don't have to fight him. We just have to stop him from finding Earth.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: How?

DEAN: Xar'ak took over Earth because he found Grindolo there, right? What if that never happened?

ARSENE VIDEO GREG: What are you saying?

DEAN: I'm saying we should go back in time and kill Grindolo before he escapes that cave. Grindolo's defeat may not outright prevent Earth's demise, but it will stave it off for a while, giving the Order another chance to save the planet.

ARSENE VIDEO GREG: We've tried killing Grindolo dozens of times. He rarely loses.

DEAN: He rarely wins, either. We're still alive, aren't we? Plus, it'll be way easier than fighting Xar'ak.

ARSENE VIDEO GREG: That kinda makes sense.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Sounds like a plan!

DOOBLE: I'm on brAOd!

DEAN: Hey Homsar, can you send us back five years?

HOMSAR: Certainly.

{The B-Team vanishes.}

HOMSAR: I can only hope that Honstlar is the hero I have foreseen... but I fear that his thirst for vengence may get the better of him. We shall see.

Act 2: The Journey
''{Cut to a dark, desolate landscape. Spikes come up from the ground, with an ominous red glow and a starry black sky behind them. The BODH are lowered from a beam onto the ground. Text fades in over the screen, reading:}''

{The text disappears.}

COACH E: What happened? Did the Space Machine's lowering beam work?

SRMX12: No, we must've been warped into the portal by another spacecraft.

HONSTLAR: No need to thank me.



HONSTLAR: It's me. Now let's kill that world conqueror once and for all.

You came! How? Why?

HONSTLAR: I called Gankroar, and he provided me with a sweet ride to space.

COACH E: That's great! Now we'll have a better chance of saving the world!

HONSTLAR: Yeah... sure.

SRMX12: You changed your mind awfully fast. What convinced you to come along?

HONSTLAR: Well, you see, Xar'ak kinda... it's hard to explain...

COACH E: {gasp} He took over the world?!

HONSTLAR: NO, no, no, no. That&mdash; that's preposterous. I just felt... motivated, that's all. {muttering angrily} Motivated to destroy this jerk.



HONSTLAR: That's right. It's me again.



HONSTLAR: Yeah, what?



HONSTLAR: {sigh} If I had a hand, I'd be putting it on my face right now.

VOICE: {deep and echoey} Broternal Order of Different Helmets...

Who said that?

VOICE: I am the Guide of Xar'aeq-f'ghark'e-tw'klaen'...

STOM: Hey, we just call it the Dimension of Darkness now.

GUIDE: Oh, yeah, that's way cooler. I'm stealing that. Anyway, I inform visitors of the challenges and where to find them.

STOM: Why?

GUIDE: Xar'ak thinks it's unfair not to give his opponents a chance. Even if it's a miniscule, microscopic, near-infinitesimal chance.

STOM: That's not very encouraging.

GUIDE: Just callin' it like I see it. Anyway, your first destination is to the north.

STOM: Which way is north?

GUIDE: That way. Look where I'm pointing.

STOM: You're a voice, we can't see you.

SUME: Not really the best guide, are you, Guide?

GUIDE: Hey, I've only been doing this for a thousand years, cut me some slack. Here, I'll make a path.

''{A red path appears in the ground, and the BODH walks along it. They stop at a lake of lava with rocks floating in it.}''

GUIDE: To reach the first element, you must surpass three physical trials. The first is crossing this lake.

ZASCUB: It's... it's lava.

GUIDE: Yes, it is.

ZASCUB: This is... this is a lava lake. As in, a lake of lava.

GUIDE: That is correct.

ZASCUB: Can we go back?

SRMX12: {puts his foot over a floating rock} It feels as though these rocks should support our weight.

{Gfd sets his foot on a rock, slowly steps onto it, and wobbles a bit.}

For the time being, at least!

{Everyone starts cautiously hopping across.}

SRMX12: Hey guys, shouldn't we be dead by now? Lava is so hot, it shouldn't be safe to be this close to it.

GUIDE: Your dimension's laws of physics are meaningless here.

EDITED VIDEO GREG: That sounds like an excuse for sloppy writing.

Er&mdash; {in a fake angry voice} Why, if I ever find out who wrote this movie... {cough} I'll sure... um... get them. To, uh... write a good movie.

''{Gfd trips and falls. His head lands on another rock, and he lies a few inches above the lava.}''

That was quite literally the scariest moment of my life.

EDITED VIDEO GREG: Hey, everyone! Gfd has made a bridge for us!

EVERYONE: YAY!!

{Everyone walks across Gfd to get from one rock to the next.}

Stop. Ow. Face. Ribs. Ow. Feet. Crunch. Ow. Ow. Stop.

''{Once everyone has crossed, Gfd stands up. They continue hopping across.}''



GUIDE: The lake is twenty miles across.

That's, like... {mumbles and counts in his head for a moment} more than two feet!

HONSTLAR: How will we ever&mdash;?! Oh wait, I forgot I could just do this. {he flies away with his propeller cap}

STOM: Oh yeah! Me too! {bounces up and floats offscreen}

ZASCUB: Hey, wait for me! {uses his remote control to fast forward himself to the end}

Greg... please tell me you can draw a helicopter or something with your magic sketchbook.

EDITED VIDEO GREG: As a matter of fact, I can.

''{EDITED Video Greg gets out his sketchbook and draws a helicopter. It comes out of the page, as he gets in and flies away by himself.}''

I meant&mdash; {sigh}

SRMX12: Well, I guess that just leaves Gfd, Coach E, Sume, Rabite, and myself.

Hopping across this lake will be no problem. No problem at all.

{The rocks start drifting.}

GUIDE: Will it be a problem to hop on moving rocks?

Yes it will.

SRMX12: Yes it very, very will.

SUME: You just had to open your mouth, didn't you?

''{Gfd sets one foot on a nearby rock. The rocks move in different directions, causing Gfd's feet to drift apart.}''

I'm going to fall in!

{Sume pushes Gfd so both of his feet land on one rock.}

My feet aren't escaping no mores!

COACH E: That was your intention when you pushed him, right, Sume?

SUME: Yes. Um... yes, it was. Yeah, 'cause Gfd is a wonderful person and such.

{SRMX12 passes by on a drifting rock, reading on his computer.}

SUME: Hey, SRMX12? Shouldn't you be stepping across the rocks?

SRMX12: No need. The rocks move now. Just find one that's moving forward and you don't need to hop around at all!

{Everyone steps on rocks moving in the same direction.}

A piece of... lava-flavored pie. Have any of you guys tried lava-flavored pie? It's a rare delicacy in Bumdumbourge.

SUME: Shut up, Gfd.

''{Cut to the B-Team appearing in the Field in the past. Text fades in over the screen, reading:}''

{The text disappears.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Whoa. The past is awesome.

DOOBLE: This place is fresh beans!

DEAN: Now, before we kill Grindolo, we're going to need some help. We're just four regular people, and Grindolo is a powerful spirit. We need help. We need assistance. We need to find the people we know best.

ARSENE VIDEO GREG: The past Broternal Order?

DEAN: Precisely!

ARSENE VIDEO GREG: Won't that cause some type of paradox like in the movies?

DEAN: Right now, Grindolo is trapped in a cave with the Golden Fedora. After we find our past selves and kill Grindolo, we'll use the Fedora to fix any adverse side-effects of our time travelling. Then we'll wish ourselves back to the future. If we succeed, nothing bad will happen.

ARSENE VIDEO GREG: What if we don't succeed?

DEAN: The paradox will probably tear reality apart. No pressure.

ARSENE VIDEO GREG: But wait, if Grindolo is sealed in the cave with the Golden Fedora, can't we just use that to destroy him?

DEAN: He's immune to the Fedora, remember?

ARSENE VIDEO GREG: Right. {sigh} Okay, let's find ourselves.

DEAN: To the Pillquarters!

{Cut back to Gfd, SRMX12, Coach E, Rabite, and Sume drifting on rocks through the lava lake.}

SUME: {relaxing on a rock and reading} Man, the drifting rocks make this so much easier. I can finally catch up on all the books I've been meaning to read.

GUIDE: Ah, I see you've exploited a loophole. Well, your rocks can't move toward the end... if they don't move at all!

{The rocks stop moving.}

Why, oh, why must you inflict such torment upon us?!

SRMX12: Uh, Gfd... this is exactly how it was before.

GUIDE: Wait. It is? Oh, that's right. Um... let's see, how can I make this more difficult? Hey, I know! How are you going to cross the lake with no rocks to step on?!

{All the rocks ahead vanish.}

That's no fair.

RABITE: What can we do now?

''{Gfd thinks. A lightbulb appears over his head with a "ding".}''

SUME: Hey, Garblemesh, what's with the lightbulb?

Maybe we could use it to... light the way, or something.

''{Gfd thinks. A dotted line in the shape of a lightbulb appears over his head with a "ding".}''

I know! Leave this to me, my friends.

SUME: But how? You're the least smart and competent out of all of us!

That may be true, but there's one thing I'm good at.

''{Everyone ponders for a moment... then the realization dawns on them.}''

EVERYONE ELSE: Eating.

I've eaten worse things than lava. I'll get us out of this jam!

SRMX12: Go for it!

I can do this. I can do this. {gets out a straw and slurps up the lava} Hey, it tastes like lava-flavored pie. Maybe this won't be so bad. {continues slurping}

{The lava slowly begins to sink.}

COACH E: Keep going! Just a little more!

At least it's got that citrusy zest to bring out the saltiness in the flavor, that really helps bring together the sweet and sour ingredients. {continues drinking}

''{The lava sinks until it reaches the floor. Gfd sips up the last remaining puddle.}''

RABITE: You did it!! Great job!



{They walk to shore.}

SRMX12: {looks around} Hey, where's Honstlar, Greg, Stom, and Zascub?

{Cut to Honstlar, Greg, Stom, and Zascub.}

STOM: Where's Garbles, SRMX12, Coach E, Rabite, and Sume?

EDITED VIDEO GREG: They'll catch up, I'm sure.

{They walk up to a mountain.}

GUIDE: Congratulations on completing the first of the physical challenges. You have arrived at the second one.

STOM: Sweet! What is it?

GUIDE: You have two options. You can climb over the mountain, encountering all varieties of cliffs and dangers, or you can go through it, by way of the Maze of Eternal Abyss.

STOM: Nice name. Did you come up with that yourself?

GUIDE: I did, yeah. I mean, it doesn't really mean anything. It's not really eternal or an abyss... but it is a maze, so it's got that going for it.

STOM: Neat. {to the rest; whispering} So what do you think?

ZASCUB: {whispering} The maze sounds less dangerous. I lost my arms climbing a mountain once. Except it wasn't a mountain as much as a grocery store, and I wasn't climbing it as much as I was making a purchase, and I didn't lose my arms as much as $50 on groceries. But still.

STOM: {whispering} Yeah, you make some good points. I'd hate to spend $50 on groceries while climbing a mountain.

HONSTLAR: {whispering} So we're all in agreement? {to the Guide} We'll take the maze!

GUIDE: Excellent choice.

''{A cave entrance opens in the mountain. They walk inside, and the cave divides into two paths.}''

HONSTLAR: This doesn't look too bad. Left or right?

EDITED VIDEO GREG: I think right seems like the most logical option. No, left.

{They go left, encountering a dead end.}

EDITED VIDEO GREG: Well, this end is clearly deceased. I guess we'd better go right.

{They turn around and go right, encountering another dead end.}

EDITED VIDEO GREG: What?! You can't have a maze where both paths lead to a dead end!

HONSTLAR: Maybe there's something we're not seeing. Let's go back.

{They go back to the start.}

ZASCUB: {sees a boulder leaning against the wall} What about this suspiciously large boulder? Does that have anything to do with anything?

HONSTLAR: Nah, I doubt it's important. Just leave it where it is.

ZASCUB: Okay.

EDITED VIDEO GREG: Well, I'm stumped. There's gotta be some way to go forward. There could be a hidden path... maybe a path that's blocked by a large object... but there doesn't appear to be anything of the sort.

HONSTLAR: That's not good. Where could the exit be?

''{Honstlar leans against the boulder to think. The boulder rolls out of the way to reveal a new path.}''

HONSTLAR: Hey, turns out that wasn't just an ordinary suspiciously large boulder after all!

ZASCUB: What a shocking twist!

{They go through and find four more paths.}

STOM: Which way should we go this time?

EDITED VIDEO GREG: All of them.

HONSTLAR: What?

EDITED VIDEO GREG: There are four paths here, and four of us. This'll be quickest if we all split up and meet back here. Then we'll know which way is correct without checking each one individually.

HONSTLAR: Good plan, Greg. Good plan.

''{They each go through a separate path. After a few seconds, they all come back.}''

ALL: Mine was a dead end. {pause} What?!

EDITED VIDEO GREG: All of us found nothing?

STOM: It's like the first room all over again!

EDITED VIDEO GREG: We must've taken a wrong turn there. We should go back.

{They walk back through the door they came from, finding seven more paths.}

EDITED VIDEO GREG: What?! This is the correct path? But we just came from here! How could it have changed?

GUIDE: Oh, did I forget to mention? The maze changes at random intervals. A dead end might eventually become the correct path, and vice versa. You can't trust your memory here.

EDITED VIDEO GREG: {sigh} Well, this'll be fun.

{Cut to the B-Team entering the Pillquarters in the past.}

DEAN: Wow, the original Pillquarters. So nostalgic. I remember these wood grain walls... these rickety wooden tables... everything is so familiar. And... a lot less shiny.

ARSENE VIDEO GREG: Nostalgic? I don't remember this place at all.

DOOBLE: This place is new as fresh beans!

DEAN: Oh right. I guess you guys are new, so you've never been here.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Oh, I remember this place. Me and Pom Pom used to play cards in his basement on Thursdays!

''{Cut to a table. Homestar and Pom Pom are playing cards.}''

PAST HOMESTAR RUNNER: Go fish.

PAST POM POM: {lowers eyebrows; bubbles}

PAST HOMESTAR RUNNER: I'm already holding 'em! And the flights to Texas are pretendous.

PAST POM POM: {bubbles}

PAST HOMESTAR RUNNER: Oh, so we're not playing Go Fish? Gotcha. Go octopus.

{Cut back to the B-Team.}

DEAN: Why isn't the Broternal Order here? It's meeting time! We should be here by now!

ARSENE VIDEO GREG: Well, when was the Order created?

DEAN: July 1st, 2016.

ARSENE VIDEO GREG: When is it right now?

DEAN: {checks watch} June 30th, 2016. ...Oh.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: You shoulda thought this through more.

DEAN: Sorry. I guess seeing your planet go up in flames doesn't help your planning skills.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: So wait, this was all for nothing?

DEAN: No, no! Our plan will still work. It'll just be less convenient than I anticipated. Even though the Order hasn't been created yet, its members still exist. We'll just have to find each member individually and introduce them to each other.

ARSENE VIDEO GREG: So, who do we talk to first?

DEAN: Well, Homestar and Pom Pom are a few feet away from us. Maybe they can help.

{The B-Team walks over to the table.}

DEAN: Excuse me, you guys?

PAST HOMESTAR RUNNER: {looks up} Sweet goodness! It's another me!

HOMESTAR RUNNER: It's another me too!

PAST HOMESTAR RUNNER: Chauncey? Is that you? We've finally reunited after all these years!

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Naw, it's just you from the future.

PAST HOMESTAR RUNNER: Oh. I guess that's cool too.

DEAN: And I'm the dean of CGNU. Well, not yet. But I will be. And I am right now. Kinda. In a couple years.

DOOBLE: I'm a man of many elbows!

ARSENE VIDEO GREG: And I'm Arsene. EDITED Video Greg's dad.

PAST HOMESTAR RUNNER: Don't know who that is, but okay!

DEAN: We've come to the past because we need your help to destroy an evil spirit to stop another evil spirit from taking over the future.

PAST HOMESTAR RUNNER: Well, I'm kind of in the middle of a card game right now. What about later this evening?

DEAN: Homestar, the fate of the Earth is at stake.

PAST HOMESTAR RUNNER: Oh crap! The Earth? I like that planet.

DOOBLE: Then join along with us on our merry way, you athletic terrife! Don't you snooze about it!

PAST HOMESTAR RUNNER: I'll have to check with the ol' Pom Dog. How about it, Pom Dog?

PAST POM POM: {bubbles}

PAST HOMESTAR RUNNER: You're not coming? Oh well. I'm in.

DEAN: Well, that was easy. Now let's find our Supreme Overlord!

''{Cut back to Gfd, SRMX12, Coach E, Rabite, and Sume after having crossed the lava lake. They walk up to the mountain.}''

GUIDE: Congratulations on completing the first challenge. Here's the second one.

Some kind of... mountain?

SUME: Yes, Gfd, that's exactly what it is.

GUIDE: You have two options. You can climb over the mountain, encountering all varieties of dangers and&mdash;



GUIDE: Y&mdash; you've made up your mind already? You don't even want to hear the second option?



GUIDE: Wow. I can't tell if you're stupidly confident, or just plain stupid.



RABITE: Uh, what is the second option?

GUIDE: It's a maze.

RABITE: I choose that.

Mazes are boring. They're all twists and turns, lefts and rights. Left, right, left, right, B, A, start... who wants to go through all that?

SUME: You know, the walking appetite has a point. Mazes are just random guessing and lots of walking. I'd rather do something exciting.

RABITE: Fine, I'd be willing to climb up there.



SRMX12: But I didn't agree to&mdash;



SRMX12: Yes sir.

{They start climbing.}

SRMX12: Hey, this climbing is easier than I expected. And the scenery is nice. This isn't half bad!

{They encounter a 90-degree cliff going straight up.}

SRMX12: You know what, forget I said anything.



RABITE: Can we switch to the maze, by any chance?

GUIDE: Too late. You choose, you lose.

RABITE: Please? Just out of the kindness of your heart?

GUIDE: One &mdash; I don't have a heart, seeing as I was created by evil itself. Two &mdash; I don't have a heart, you know, being a voice and all.

SUME: But... how on Earth are we supposed to climb that monstrosity?

SRMX12: This isn't Earth.

SUME: How in Xar'aeq-f'ghark'e-tw'klaen' are we supposed to climb that monstrosity?

SRMX12: {inspecting the cliff} The wall is slightly uneven. If we carefully grip the bumps and ridges, and only step on the roughest dips and indentations, we might just be able to scale the wall and make it up there.

Maybe you go first.

COACH E: I'll try. {slides her hand on the cliff} The rock is too smooth. I can't get a hold on it.

SUME: There's a slight ridge there. Try grabbing onto that.

COACH E: But... it barely even protrudes from the rock. I can hardly see it, much less support my weight with it.

SUME: So what are you going to do? Levitate up there?

COACH E: I don't know, I don't have that much dexterity! I don't even have fingers! I couldn't climb this if my life depended on it.

SUME: What if trillions of lives depended on it? 'Cause they literally do.

COACH E: I'll try. {grabs onto the ridge, and puts the other hand on a small bump} Now what?

SUME: Now pull yourself off the ground.

COACH E: I can't. It's too slippery.

SUME: You can do it! Just hold on and pull yourself up, then you can set your right foot on that tiny ledge there.

COACH E: I'm... hesitant. {breathes in, then pulls herself up} URGGHH...

{One hand slips and she falls to the ground.}

COACH E: OW! {exhausted} My hands hurt...

SUME: Look, look! There's a little rough spot over here, see? You can rest your other foot on that, and&mdash;

COACH E: {gets up} No. I'm not climbing up there again.

SUME: Don't you want to destroy the elements, beat Xar'ak, and save all our friends, the planet, and the rest of the universe he hasn't taken over yet?

COACH E: Yeah, but... {sigh}

SUME: Here, we'll all try with you. Right, guys?

{The three respond at the same time.}

SRMX12: {simultaneously} I suppose I could attempt it, although the chances of success are minimal.



RABITE: {simultaneously} I'll try my best.

SUME: See? Now let's start a-climbin'!

''{They grab hold of slight indentations in the slippery rock, and hoist themselves up. They rest their feet on small divots and bumpy areas.}''

{his foot slips and he loses balance for a moment}

COACH E: My hands... are getting... all sweaty. They're slipping. I... I can't hold on much longer.

SRMX12: {struggling} Keep... climbing! Your hands won't slip if you... keep... moving... them.

COACH E: I'll&mdash; I'll&mdash; I'll try. {moves her foot up slightly}

SUME: {deep breath} Now... we just n&mdash; need to... keep doing this for... like a... {wheeze} a mile.

''{Cut back to the maze. The gang walks through a tunnel and encounters fifty paths.}''

ZASCUB: AHH! Fifty paths?! How are we ever going to finish this maze?

HONSTLAR: This is awful! I&mdash; wait a minute. How did you know there were exactly fifty? You can't count that fast, can you?

ZASCUB: I just read the stage directions. It's up there in curvy brackets and italics, see?

HONSTLAR: Right. I've been forgetting to read those.

STOM: Well, on the bright side, we must be near the end. This maze can't be that big, right?

GUIDE: On the contrary. The mortal mind is incapable of comprehending its sheer magnitude.

ZASCUB: ...I'm starting to take back what I said about the maze being less dangerous than the mountain.

{They pick a random path, only to find another dead end.}

EDITED VIDEO GREG: Well, that settles it. We're going to die in here.

HONSTLAR: Or are we?

EDITED VIDEO GREG: Pardon?

HONSTLAR: You still got your magic sketchbook on you, Greg? You could draw us a rocket so we can blast outta here and fly over the mountain!

EDITED VIDEO GREG: Hey, we could! Hold on a sec... {fishes around in his pockets} Where is that thing?

GUIDE: Uh, I'm pretty sure you left it in one of the previous rooms.

EDITED VIDEO GREG: Well, I guess we just have to go back the way we came.

{They go back and find a completely different room.}

EDITED VIDEO GREG: Oh wait. The maze changed again, didn't it?

GUIDE: It did, yes.

HONSTLAR: You were right. We're going to die in here.

''{Cut to Honstlar's bagel house in 2016. The top half is still being built. The B-Team and past Homestar walk to the door and knock. Cut to Honstlar (in his slightly older design) opening the door.}''

PAST HONSTLAR: Oh, hey, Homestar. And... another Homestar?! And a bunch of other people I've never met. Why are you guys here?

DEAN: I'm Dean. That's Arsene, and this is Dooble. We're&mdash;

PAST HONSTLAR: Hold on. Dooble? Seriously? The star of the underrated Videlectrix games Dooble 1, Dooble 2, and Dooble: Phonics Blasters?!

DOOBLE: You got it, Jacquelyn! I'm from many times ahead!

PAST HONSTLAR: That's so amazing that I wish I could understand it!

DEAN: He's saying we're from the future.

PAST HONSTLAR: What?! Whoa! That is the most awes&mdash; I mean, {scoffs; in a mock-skeptical tone} I don't believe you. Prove it.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: There's two of me.

PAST HONSTLAR: All right, I guess that's enough proof. A moment, if you please. {turns around and squeals excitedly for a second, then stops and turns back} So, tell me, what business have you futurefolk with me?

DEAN: We need you to help us destroy an evil spirit.

PAST HONSTLAR: What? Why me?!

DEAN: You see, in a few days, you're going to start a club called the Broternal Order of Different Helmets...

PAST HONSTLAR: Ooh, I like that name. Can I use it?

DEAN: Yeah, sure. Anyway, you guys are going to go on a quest to find a Golden Fedora. When you find it&mdash;

PAST HONSTLAR: Wait, I'm going to find the Golden Fedora?! The mystical/mythical/magical hat of legend? That's awesome!

DEAN: When you find it, you'll end up accidentally releasing a bad guy named Grindolo from a cave. An even badder guy named Xar'ak will be alerted to Grindolo's presence and take over Earth.

ARSENE VIDEO GREG: So, to prevent Earth from total takeoveritude, we need to destroy Grindolo before he escapes. Got that?

PAST HONSTLAR: Yeah, I think. I still have a couple questions.

DEAN: Ask away.

PAST HONSTLAR: First of all, why is your name Dean? That doesn't sound like a girl's name.

DEAN: My name's Diana. My friends call me Dean because I'm the dean of a university. Er, soon.

PAST HONSTLAR: That's weird. Why do your friends call you by your job? My friends don't call me "Review Show Man" or "Potato Farmer" or "Nasal Decongestant Tester".

DEAN: I dunno, ask them. Any other questions?

PAST HONSTLAR: Yeah. Who else is in this Brotherly Club... or whatever it's called?

ARSENE VIDEO GREG: You, your cousin Gfd, uh, EDITED Video Greg... to be honest, I don't remember most of their names. Maybe one is Steve.

PAST HONSTLAR: And you guys too, I'm assuming?

DEAN: Nope. We're more like the sidekicks. The backup. The "B-Team", if you will.

PAST HONSTLAR: That name sounds cool too. I'ma steal it.

ARSENE VIDEO GREG: So, where can we find that cousin of yours?

PAST HONSTLAR: He lives right next door! Come along.

{They start walking over to Gfd's house.}

PAST HONSTLAR: So, what's the future like? Flying cars? Spaceships?

ARSENE VIDEO GREG: Um, we're from five years from now.

PAST HONSTLAR: Oh, right. Flying cars and spaceships will probably be outdated by then. Teleportation?

DEAN: The next five years aren't particularly eventful. Aside from the whole, you know, saving the universe multiple times and fighting evil spirits thing.

PAST HONSTLAR: Right. Do microwaves stop heating up the bowl and leaving the food inside cold?

ARSENE VIDEO GREG: Okay, now you're just being ridiculous.

{Cut back to the mountain-climbers in the Dimension of Darkness.}

SRMX12: Almost... there...

RABITE: Oh, jeez... I'm getting... {deep breath} I'm getting nauseous. I just can't handle being up this high... only holding myself up with slight indentations in... in a smooth, slippery rock.



SUME: Please, Gfd... just stop.

Try not to sneeze.

SUME: {trembling} I said stop! My... my hands are sweaty and s&mdash; slippery enough as it is. I don't need any more {grunt} discouraging thoughts.

{A rumbling sound is heard.}



{Boulders and rocks start tumbling down the cliff.}

SUME: WHOA! First we have to scale a smooth, vertical wall... and now rocks are falling around us? I... I did not sign up for this.

SRMX12: We can't even&mdash; {deep breath} We can't even dodge them! This cliff is too s&mdash; slippery for us to move out of the way in time.

RABITE: I guess we'll just keep climbing and&mdash; {exhale} and hope we don't get hit by a boulder and most likely killed.

SUME: Not... particularly encouraging.

So far, they've only given me broken lungs and a tired elbow. {gets hit in the face with a rock} Oh, and a throbbing faceache.

''{A rock hits Coach E's hand. She loses her grip, but keeps holding on with her other hand. She grabs the cliff and keeps climbing.}''

SRMX12: Phew. That was a close one. Good thing that's probably the worst that will happen...

{A rock hits SRMX12 and he begins tumbling down the cliff.}



{Rabite reaches down and grabs a hold of his invisible arm, pulling him back up.}

SRMX12: That was the worst thing I've ever experienced.

I've had a few close calls myself.

SRMX12: No, I mean you left the 12 out of my name.

COACH E: Wait. {looks up in awe} Is... is that...

''{Coach E reaches up to the cliff's ledge and pulls herself onto the flat ground. Everyone else does the same. They lie on the rocks, catching their breath.}''

It's nice to be on flat ground again.

SRMX12: My whole life, I've taken the pleasure of horizontal surfaces for granted. Never again. From henceforth, I will treat each and every horizontal surface I encounter with utmost respect!

RABITE: So, uh, how long are we going to rest here?

SUME: I don't know. Maybe six hours?

RABITE: You guys remember we're under a time limit, right?

SUME: Hence why I said six hours instead of six months.

RABITE: But we've barely started climbing. We've only ascended one cliff, and surely there are more on the way.

SUME: All the more reason to rest while we still can.

RABITE: Hey, Guide, how big is this mountain?

GUIDE: I'd estimate... roughly 250,000 feet tall, at least.

SRMX12: There aren't any more vertical cliffs, are there?

GUIDE: Yes, actually. About a hundred more. The next one is five times taller than the last. In fact, it's only a few feet away.

{Zoom out to reveal another smooth vertical cliff.}

I hate all of this.

SRMX12: You know, if we had chosen the maze, I could've used my computer's GPS to plot a course to the end.

SUME: Now you tell us?

{Cut to rest of the BODH in the maze.}

HONSTLAR: We all flew over the lava lake, right? If we had chosen to climb the mountain, we could've just flown over it.

EDITED VIDEO GREG: Now you tell us?

ZASCUB: So, how long have we been in this maze, exactly?

EDITED VIDEO GREG: Maybe two hours.

ZASCUB: And which room are we in?

EDITED VIDEO GREG: No clue.

STOM: Maybe Guide can tell us.

GUIDE: I can, but I don't have to, so I won't.

STOM: Come on! That's just poor sportsmanship.

GUIDE: You're trying to destroy the eternal universe-conquering personification of evil. "Poor sportsmanship" does not apply to this situation.

STOM: Right, that makes sense. Well, can you tell us some indication of where we are? Maybe a progress percentage like in a video game?

GUIDE: Sure, I guess. You are -0.03% finished the maze.

HONSTLAR: What?! In two hours, we've only managed to go the wrong way?

GUIDE: Ninety-two times, yes.

EDITED VIDEO GREG: Well, I can't say I'm surprised. {looks around} Hey, weren't we in this room before?

ZASCUB: I don't know. I've lost track at this point.

EDITED VIDEO GREG: We went left last time, right?

HONSTLAR: Yes, we went right.

EDITED VIDEO GREG: No, I said left.

HONSTLAR: Oh, right.

EDITED VIDEO GREG: Right?

HONSTLAR: No, you said left.

EDITED VIDEO GREG: But which one was right? Was left right, or was right right?

HONSTLAR: We went right, and it was right.

STOM: Oh, right.

''{They go right. It's a dead end.}''

EDITED VIDEO GREG: YES!

HONSTLAR: What? Are you glad that it's a dead end?

EDITED VIDEO GREG: No, I'm glad that this is where I dropped my sketchbook! {starts drawing}

{Cut to the rest of the gang, now starting to climb the second cliff.}



SRMX12: Hey, it's good exercise.



''{Suddenly, a sketchy rocket breaks through the surface of the mountain. The remaining BODH members exit the rocket.}''

HONSTLAR: Gfd!



SRMX12: You guys!

EDITED VIDEO GREG: Everyone else!

We was gonna climb that cliff there, but now we don't has to!

{They all squeeze into the rocket and blast off, flying over the mountain and crashing on the other side.}

GUIDE: You have completed the second challenge. And much, much quicker than I expected. You may move onto your next challenge... the Endless Desert.

''{The BODH come across a seemingly infinite expanse of sand. They start walking across.}''

STOM: Uh, wh&mdash; why is it called the Endless Desert?

GUIDE: It's not really endless, but it sounds way cooler than End-Have Desert.

STOM: I guess you're right. What do we have to do?

GUIDE: Just cross the desert.

STOM: Sounds easy enough.

GUIDE: It'll take several weeks.

{Silence.}

STOM: I take that back.

HONSTLAR: Have we packed enough food?

I've got around four million varieties of mayonnaise in my hat.

HONSTLAR: Anything besides mayonnaise?



HONSTLAR: Yeah, we won't need that.

{eats the paper clip}

{Cut to a close-up of Honstlar.}

HONSTLAR: All right, gang. I guess we're gonna have to survive on mayonnaise for weeks on end. Running out shouldn't be a problem, though, since Gfd has four million varieties. Right, Gfd?

{Cut back to a wide shot.}



HONSTLAR: What do you mean? Were you lying about the mayonnaise?

But... things change, you see.

HONSTLAR: Gfd, tell me you didn't eat any mayonnaise yet.

I didn't eat any mayonnaise yet.

HONSTLAR: Good.

Truthfully, I did eat any mayonnaise yet.

HONSTLAR: What?! How much do we have left?



HONSTLAR: You ate all the mayonnaise while my back was turned for ten seconds?!



HONSTLAR: {exasperated sigh} Well, I guess we're gonna have to make do with no food or water.

I have three more paper clips!

''{Fade to later. Everyone is now tired and sweating.}''

I... I'm too weak. I need nutrients.

HONSTLAR: It's only been an hour since you ate all that mayonnaise.

EDITED VIDEO GREG: Yeah, and what about all that stuff about you exploding when you stop eating?

I lied.

HONSTLAR: What?!

I just wanted an excuse to eat all those Cheat-Toes. That stuff's delish.

EDITED VIDEO GREG: So basically, you're in no danger of exploding?



SUME: Augh, this is taking too long.

HONSTLAR: I know, right? I'd give anything just to go back home.

RABITE: I know what you mean. I'd give my left arm just to be safe in my house, listening to music and drawing.



RABITE: Whose?

Yours. That guy with the face who lives across the street from Bubs. And, uh... Lan Handermannek.

HONSTLAR: Why not bad guys' arms? I mean, if you gave Mr. Dando's left arm, you would get to go home and he would have no left arm. It's a win-win!

Like, Mr. Dando's left arm probably wouldn't even be worth half a regular arm.

HONSTLAR: How much arms are mine worth?



RABITE: You guys have weird conversations.

EDITED VIDEO GREG: Man, this storyline is boring. I wanna go back to the B-Team's plot.

ZASCUB: What?

EDITED VIDEO GREG: Nothing.

''{Cut back to 2016. The gang gets to Gfd's bowler hat-shaped house and Honstlar rings the doorbell. Gfd (in his older design) opens the door.}''

PAST : Sorry about the doorbell. It makes noise whenever anyone visits. Stop scaring away my guests, doorbell!

PAST HONSTLAR: Uh, Gfd, I'd like you to meet my future friends.

PAST : Hey, Homestar. Hey, Homestar. Hey, Dooble. Hey, people I don't know.

PAST HONSTLAR: She's Sean and he's Ardene.

DEAN: Other way around, actually.

PAST HONSTLAR: Sorry. He's Sean and she's Ardene.

DEAN: Not what I meant, but whatever.

ARSENE VIDEO GREG: We future people need you to help us with our grand adventure.

PAST : Sounds good! Is there pizza involved?

DEAN: {whispering} Oh right, I forgot. This was back when Gfd was less obsessed with eating random objects. {stops whispering} Uh, yeah, sure, Garbles. We'll pay you in pizzas if you help us defeat this evil spirit thing.

PAST : Deal!

DEAN: Now we need to find a fellow by the name of SRMX12.

PAST : Oh yeah, we're good friends. We go way back. Like, a couple months.

{Cut to SRMX12 in the Field with the Prisma One.}

PAST SRMX12: This modern-fangled programming software is fascinating! I can make pixelated animations with this! I'll call them... Homepix Runner!

{The B-Team and their past allies walk onscreen.}

DEAN: I think Pixstar Runner is a cooler name, actually. Rolls off the tongue better.

PAST SRMX12: Hey, you're right! Thanks! Who are you guys?

PAST : This is my cousin Honstlar, and his future friends&mdash;

DEAN: Dean and Arsene.

DOOBLE: Don't forget me! I'm our greatest asset to tomorrow's pumpkin sauce!

PAST SRMX12: Hey, Homestar. Something looks different about you. New haircut?

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Nope!

PAST SRMX12: Glasses?

PAST HOMESTAR RUNNER: No way!

PAST SRMX12: Oh, I've got it. There's two of you! Wait, does this mean time travel exists?

DOOBLE: More than canned beans!

ARSENE VIDEO GREG: You invented it, actually. In the future.

PAST SRMX12: This is the best day of my life!

PAST HONSTLAR: Wanna come on our journey to kill a ghost?

PAST SRMX12: Most definitely!

PAST HONSTLAR: So, who else is in my future club?

ARSENE VIDEO GREG: One of them is my son. And I know exactly where he is in 2016!

{Cut back to the BODH, who are now driving through the Endless Desert in a sketched car.}



HONSTLAR: Thanks, Greg! That sketchbook is super convenient!

EDITED VIDEO GREG: More like a plot device to allow lazy writing.



ZASCUB: Wait, stop the car! What's that thing?

{They hop out of the car and approach a glowing yellow crystal, floating above the ground.}

ZASCUB: What's this shiny rock? Is this the next challenge?

GUIDE: You have passed all three physical trials and reached the first element.



HONSTLAR: Sure thing!

{Honstlar grabs the element out of the air, throws it to the ground, and crushes it with his foot, causing a large yellow explosion.}

GUIDE: You have destroyed the first element. Two more still remain.

{They walk forward and encounter nine mysterious doors.}

GUIDE: To reach the next element, continue forth, and all your fears will manifest into reality.

So I'll have to fight an undead spider clown made of potato salad?

GUIDE: Perhaps. To pass the trial, you all must reach the exit without... giving in.

SRMX12: Giving in? To what?

GUIDE: It can mean something different for each person. You will find out in due time.

''{Each BODH member walks into a different door. Cut to Honstlar as he emerges into the Pillquarters and sees everyone sitting at the table.}''

HONSTLAR: What are you doing here? Is... is this my fear? No, it can't be. This is real, I can tell!

RABITE: What are you doing here, Honstlar? This is a meeting for the Broternal Order of Different Helmets.

HONSTLAR: Exactly. And I'm the Supreme Overlord.

ZASCUB: Ugh. Still as clueless as ever.

COACH E: Don't you remember? We kicked you out months ago.

HONSTLAR: You... you did?

EDITED VIDEO GREG: {whispering to the rest} We must've kicked him harder than we thought.

SUME: That's great! Now we can kick him out again! This'll be fun.

STOM: We should let our Supreme Overlord do it this time.

HONSTLAR: Supreme Overlord?

{A silhouetted figure appears in the shadows.}

SILHOUETTE: Well, well, well. We meet again.

HONSTLAR: Who are you?! Show yourself!

''{The figure steps out of the shadows, revealing himself to be... Homeschool Winner.}''

HONSTLAR: Homeschool! One of my several mortal enemies! What have you done?!

HOMESCHOOL WINNER: It's quite simple, really. Your former Order grew tired of your shenanigans. The constant perils and unceasing quests. Your incompetent leadership skills. They kicked you out, and I stepped in to help get them back on their feet. They love me. I give them rest, relaxation, and a brand new world.

HONSTLAR: A brand new world?

{Honstlar steps outside and sees all the characters dressed up as Homeschool, with Homeschool Winner flags flying over the town.}

HOMESCHOOL WINNER: Oh, did I forget to mention? After becoming Supreme Overlord, I took over everything. Unfree Country is now more peaceful than it has ever been, all because of me. I have become the most rich, famous, powerful being on the planet!

HONSTLAR: You monster! You brainwashed my friends, you enslaved my world, you... you... wait a minute.

{Honstlar runs away, and comes back holding SRMX12's cardboard time machine.}

SRMX12: Hey, what are you doing with that?

HONSTLAR: I'm going back in time to set things right!

SRMX12: Stop! I'm still in the process of recalibrating the quantum scattering field. Going back in time in that thing could potentially cause a butterfly effect that will spread throughout the timeline and eradicate the history of the universe!

HOMESCHOOL WINNER: He's right. Please... don't give in.

HONSTLAR: Don't give in? That's what Guide said earlier... {angrily} Well, I don't care what Guide said. I am going to take back my Order!

SRMX12: Honstlar, don't!

{Honstlar sits in the box and turns it on...}

''{Cut to Gfd as he steps through his fear door. A high-pitched choir sings as Gfd's eyes widen and a smile stretches across his face. Cut to a reverse shot of what he sees &mdash; a glowing paradise of infinite food, as far as the eye can see.}''



{He starts prancing toward the food, then stops in midair.}

Didn't Guide say something about "giving in"?

GUIDE: Yep. This food is poisoned. The exit is on the other side.

{Gfd falls flat on his face.}

My... my glorious food! Why must it be this way? What have I done to deserve this misfortune?!

{Gfd gets up and begrudgingly walks through the endless expanse of food.}

Must... not... eat... anything... {weakening} Must... stay... strong... {starts to take a bite of a fresh pie, then stops himself} NO! I can't eat this. Sorry, pie!

{He throws it on the ground and puts his foot over it.}

You won't be able to poison me, no sir! {his foot trembles} I just need to... stomp... on it. Just... put my foot down. On the... on the p... pie...

''{He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, finally slamming his foot down... next to the pie.}''

I just couldn't crush such a beauty of foodstuffs. {keeps walking} Oh boy... this is gonna be tough.

''{Cut back to 2016. Everyone stares at a piece of paper on the desk in Strong Bad's room.}''

DEAN: Oh dear. He's stuck in there.

PAST SRMX12: Are you sure this is your son? I think it's just a drawing.

ARSENE VIDEO GREG: He used to live on paper, until Strong Bad's imagination brought him to life.

PAST SRMX12: So, how are we supposed to get him out?

PAST COACH E: {walks in} Have you tried asking Strong Bad?

DEAN: Oh, hey, Coach E. What are you doing here?

PAST COACH E: Was just playing board games with Strong Sad upstairs. What about you guys?

DEAN: We're gathering a team to fight a wizard-ghost, including the guy on this paper here. Do you want to come along?

PAST COACH E: Sure, that sounds fun! But, uh, why is Homestar twice?

DEAN: We'll explain it offscreen to avoid boring the audience.

''{Cut to the computer room. Strong Bad is checking an email on the Lappier.}''

PAST STRONG BAD: And that, my dear Shlabotnik, is why marmalade is best at this time of year. See you next&mdash;

{Everyone walks in.}

DEAN: Hey Strong Bad.

PAST STRONG BAD: {still on his computer} Hey. {pause} Wait... {turns around} WAH! What are you guys all doing here?! And... why are there two Homestars? That's even worse than one!

ARSENE VIDEO GREG: Oh, come on! We just explained this!

DEAN: The short answer is we're from the future. The long answer is... we're from the future and we need you to imagine EDITED Video Greg as a real person so we can get him to join our team. Y'know, like how you made up Trogdor and Stinkoman and then brought them to life.

PAST STRONG BAD: I don't really know how I make things real. It just happens.

PAST HONSTLAR: Concentrate! Focus your mind on making him a real person. Will him into reality!

PAST STRONG BAD: {sigh} Okay, I'll try. {closes his eyes and concentrates hard, then stops}

ARSENE VIDEO GREG: Well, did it work?

PAST STRONG BAD: I don't see anything, so I guess not. Sorry, man.

PAST SRMX12: {looking out the window} Hey, is that him?

{Cut to the window, revealing EDITED Video Greg walking around outside.}

PAST COACH E: Whoa! It worked!

ARSENE VIDEO GREG: There's my boy! Thanks, Strong Bad.

{Cut back to a wide shot.}

ARSENE VIDEO GREG: Oh, and... while you're at it, do you think you could make me real too? I'm from the future, so I technically don't exist right now.

STRONG BAD: Sure, whatever. {concentrates again, then stops}

ARSENE VIDEO GREG: {looking out the window} There I am! I'm... I'm looking at myself! In the past! This is so cool!

''{Everyone runs outside. Cut to the Field, where the two Gregs are standing around.}''

PAST ARSENE VIDEO GREG: So, son, how does it feel to be... you know... existent? Pretty weird, huh?

PAST EDITED VIDEO GREG: Totally. I've never seen so many colors before. This will take some getting used to.

{The present-day gang walks up to them.}

ARSENE VIDEO GREG: Excuse me.

PAST ARSENE VIDEO GREG: AHH! Who are you? Did... did I become real twice?

ARSENE VIDEO GREG: No, I'm your future self. I was the one who asked Strong Bad to imagine you into existence.

DEAN: Can you come with us? We need your help to beat up a ghost.

PAST EDITED VIDEO GREG: Yeah, I'm in.

PAST ARSENE VIDEO GREG: Sure, why not.

DEAN: Great! Now we need to find Stom.

PAST EDITED VIDEO GREG: Who?

DEAN: Stom. A member of the Broternal Order of Different Helmets. 30-Minute Waffle Distributor.

PAST EDITED VIDEO GREG: I didn't understand a word of that.

DEAN: You'll understand when you're older.

PAST : I only understood waffles.

DEAN: At this point in time, I don't believe Stom has moved to Free Country, USA yet... so to the Isle of Pom we go!

''{Cut to the present. SRMX12 goes through the door to face his fears, and ends up in the Field.}''

SRMX12: The Field? Why did the door lead me here?

BUBS: Letters-number-m'n! Behind you!

{SRMX12 turns around and sees a giant pixelated computer virus looming over the Field.}

SRMX12: AHHH! A virus!

MARZIPAN: Aren't you the computer guy? Maybe you can stop it with some hacking or something.

SRMX12: Right, I suppose I can! Gaining access to the database will take... let's see, maybe an hour?

BUBS: You have five seconds.

SRMX12: I'll see what I can do. {frantically mashes the keys of the Prisma One for a few seconds} I'm in.

BUBS: That was six seconds. How dare you.

''{Intense hacking music begins. SRMX12 puts on a pair of sunglasses.}''

SRMX12: Now I just need to disable the connection. {types, then stops} I can't jack into the mainframe! They've put up a firewall with seven hundred proxies!

COACH Z: How are you going to bypass the system's defenses?

SRMX12: I have to type faster! Someone get me another keyboard!

{Strong Sad hands SRMX12 a second keyboard.}

SRMX12: {typing on both keyboards} The firewall is too strong! I need three more monitors, a cool headset, and a hot dog!

{Strong Sad gives him those things.}

SRMX12: 	All right, virus, get ready for some extreme typing! {types unnaturally fast} I broke through the firewall and rendered a graphic of the mainframe!

COACH Z: The image is too blurry!

SRMX12: {typing} Enhance!

COACH Z: There we go. What now?

SRMX12: I must track down the source of the binary connection by rebooting the server!

STRONG SAD: That'll require unfathomable levels of typefastness!

SRMX12: Quick, Strong Sad! Type on both my keyboards!

STRONG SAD: {typing} Ahh! It keeps making me enter when I'm not pressing enter!

SRMX12: It's tracking my network IP and engaging a lock protocol! Its digital signature is off the charts!

BUBS: Have you tried refreshing your cache? Cleaning your browser? Merging your CPU with your USB and rebooting the pro-axial&mdash;

SRMX12: Yes, yes, and yes. This calls for extreme measures... Put in the USB!

STRONG SAD: {puts in the USB} Okay! What does it do?

SRMX12: It installs a user node to disable the cybersecurity! It also has all my music files and recipes. Gotta back up them files.

STRONG SAD: Now what?

SRMX12: {rapidly typing} I can't keep this up! I need more jargon!

STRONG SAD: Uh... dial-up modem!

SRMX12: Good one! {continues typing} It's redirecting a PDF to my CPU! I need to retaliate with a RGB GUI! Activate the GIF/GIF! Oh no! Even more acronyms!!

{The keyboard spontaneously combusts.}

SRMX12: No! My precious Prisma!

STRONG SAD: Look! A data breach! Now you can hack the mainframe!

STRONG BAD: You can do it! Get that virus outta here!

STRONG SAD: Or else it'll kill us all!

SRMX12: I'm almost done! I just need to grant confirmation to delete the network...

''{The music stops. Cut to the Prisma One screen. A pop-up appears, reading "Are you sure you want to give in?" with the options "Yes" and "No".}''

SRMX12: {stops himself} Right. Sorry, guys... I&mdash; I can't. If I stop this virus, you might have worse problems to deal with.

COACH Z: But that virus can devour us at any morment!

SRMX12: Well... I'll think about it.

''{Cut to EDITED Video Greg. He enters his house.}''

EDITED VIDEO GREG: Strange. Isn't this supposed to be my fears? My home isn't that scary.

{Pause.}

EDITED VIDEO GREG: Too much silence. It must be a jump scare. It's fine, I'm prepared.

''{Pause. Greg winces in anticipation.}''

EDITED VIDEO GREG: Seriously? Nothing? Well, as long as I'm back in my own dimension, I might as well check my email. {sits down and opens his laptop} Ooh, a new email! Wait... the Brothers Chaps' email address? Why are they emailing me? What's the subject line? {gasp} "Halloween Costumes"?! I gotta open this!

''{Cut to the screen. He opens the email and reads it out loud, getting more excited as he reads further. By the end, he's nearly unintelligible.}''

EDITED VIDEO GREG: AAAHHH! AAAHHH! I gotta reply! I gotta reply to them right now! I really should! Do that! Seriously! Right now!! {typing}

EDITED VIDEO GREG: Now I just need to hit "Send" aaand... {stops himself} wait. Didn't that disembodied voice say something like "don't give in"? Does this count? It must, right? This all seems too easy. This would never happen in real life. {pause} But... but that's all the more reason I should do it now! This is the only chance I'll ever have! {conflicted} No, but then I won't be able to help my friends save the universe. Or... the remaining portion of it, at least. Including Earth. But really, who cares about Earth?! I'll just stay here forever! But I can't. Yes, I can! I'll just send it. No. Yes. NO! YES!

''{Cut to Stom. He enters the Pillquarters to find the rest of the BODH.}''

STOM: Oh, hey guys!

HONSTLAR: He's here! Stom is back! We're saved!!

STOM: What?

We need waffles.

RABITE: We've been starving for weeks. All food has been wiped off the face of the Earth. Your waffles are the only remaining food on the planet.

STOM: Why, sure! Anything for my friends. {hands a waffle to each of them}

We will express our gratitude for the rest of time...

STOM: Wait!

SUME: What?

STOM: I just remembered... I can't let you eat those.

SRMX12: Why not?! We... we need them!

STOM: It's a long story, but I&mdash; I'm sorry. If you eat those waffles, the universe will be in grave danger.

{Stom takes back all of the waffles.}

My precious waffle!!

STOM: I'm sorry, everyone. You're not even real. You're just illusions from the fear door thingy, right?

EDITED VIDEO GREG: What are you talking about? We're as real as you are. {reaches for the waffles} Give me the waffles.

{Stom backs away.}

EDITED VIDEO GREG: Give. Me. The. Waffles!

STOM: I can't let you! {starts eating}



HONSTLAR: He's consuming our only hope of survival! ATTACK!!

STOM: {sigh} I shouldn't be doing this, but I... I have to. {slowly offers a waffle}

{Cut to the B-Team at an airport in 2016, talking to Senor Cardgage.}

PAST HOMESTAR RUNNER: Eleven-ish tickets to the Isle of Pom, please!

SENOR CARDGAGE: Line formations, Gressica. That'll be $11,010.

{Everyone looks at each other.}

PAST : {whispering to Dean} You're from the future or whatever, right? You must have all types of future moneys, right?

DEAN: {whispering} No, I didn't even bring any money to the past. Did any of you guys...?

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Nope way.

ARSENE VIDEO GREG: Forgot.

DOOBLE: Cauliflower!

DEAN: What about you past peoples? You got any money?

PAST HONSTLAR: Not much.

PAST EDITED VIDEO GREG: I just started existing. I have exactly zero dollars.

DEAN: Well, this puts us in a bit of a conundrum. I guess we'll just have to leave Stom behind...

{Pom Pom bounces onscreen.}

POM POM: {bubbles}

SENOR CARDGAGE: A private luxury jet to the Mile of Pom? That'll claust a pretendous sum of browser cache.

POM POM: {bubbles; gives Cardgage a bag of money}

SENOR CARDGAGE: Thank you, Loretta. Enjoy your flight.

{The B-Team looks at each other, then back at Pom Pom, then nod in agreement.}

''{Cut to Pom Pom sitting on a couch on his jet, enjoying a can of melonade. Pan left to the closet.}''

PAST EDITED VIDEO GREG: {muffled; offscreen} So, how long is this flight?

DEAN: {muffled; offscreen} I think it's twelve hours.

PAST HONSTLAR: {muffled; offscreen} What?! We're going to be stuck in this closet for a whole day?

ARSENE VIDEO GREG: {muffled; offscreen} Your foot is in my face.

PAST : {muffled; offscreen} Ugghh... I don't do so well with planes. I think I'm getting airsick...

PAST HONSTLAR: {muffled; offscreen} GET US OUT OF HERE!!

''{Cut back to Honstlar in the Pillquarters of his fears. He is still sitting in the cardboard time machine.}''

HONSTLAR: Everything's prepared. All I need to do is press this button, and I'll be in the past.

SRMX12: Or nonexistent.

HOMESCHOOL WINNER: Please, you can't do this. You really value vengeance over the fate of the universe?

HONSTLAR: That's right. I'm going to take back what is rightfully mine.

''{He slowly leans toward the button... and at the last second, he jumps up and kicks Homeschool in the face.}''

HONSTLAR: Surprise attack!

HOMESCHOOL WINNER: AUGH!! What was that for?!

HONSTLAR: That's for stealing my Order and taking over my planet, you weaselly know-it-all! {runs out the door}

HOMESCHOOL WINNER: Minio&mdash; er, henchm&mdash; fellow helmet-ers! GET HIM!



''{Cut to the BODH chasing Honstlar through Unfree Country. Honstlar runs through the exit and returns to the Dimension of Darkness.}''

HONSTLAR: YES! I made it out of my fears. Where's Gfd, I wonder?

{Cut to Gfd in his own fears, struggling to move through the food.}



{He sees the exit in the distance.}

I gotta get there fast!

{He runs to the door and grasps the handle.}

I GOTTA EAT!!

{He starts ravenously devouring the endless piles of food.}

Well, I've lived a good life, I suppose. My epitaph could say "He died as he lived... eating". Actually... nah, that was funnier in my head. {a realization dawns on him} Hey, wait! I just remembered I'm immune to poison! After all, I've eaten worse things than poisoned food.

{Gfd inhales the entirety of the food, revealing an undead spider clown made of potato salad hiding under one of the piles.}



SPIDER CLOWN: Oh, uh, sorry to disturb you. I was just sent here to, uh, give you a quick startle, that's all. Nothing personal.



SPIDER CLOWN: Oh, yes. Uh, I think undead spider clowns made of potato salad are quite, uh, misunderstood, you see. Not&mdash; not all of us are terrifying monsters. Just my ninth-grade math teacher and that's about it.

Nice to meet you, potato bug!

SPIDER CLOWN: Same to you, sir! I, uh, I wish you good luck on your e&mdash; your future endeavors and such!

{Gfd opens the door and leaves.}

''{Cut to SRMX12. The virus is rampaging around the town, causing destruction and mayhem.}''

BUBS: You gotta help us, man! My mouth can't turn into a broken JPEG again!

SRMX12: I&mdash; I'm sorry. If I help this imaginary world, I'd be dooming my own.

MARZIPAN: SRMX12! Do something!!

SRMX12: Okay... okay. {types on his computer}

STRONG SAD: He's doing it! He'll save us all!

{SRMX12 finishes typing, and more viruses appear.}

STRONG SAD: AHHH! What did you do?!

SRMX12: I'm giving myself a chance to escape from you manipulative illusions! {runs through the exit door}

''{Cut to EDITED Video Greg. He is still sitting at his laptop, conflicted.}''

EDITED VIDEO GREG: I can't send this. Actually, yes, I can. And I will! And there's nothing you can do to stop me! Yes, I can stop you. Your friends need you to help them save the universe. But on the other hand, they can do it without me. This is my greatest dream! A once-in-a-lifetime opportunity! I have to do this! I have to resist! I need to! I can't! I&mdash; I&mdash; I&mdash; yes&mdash; no&mdash; I&mdash; AAAARRGGHH!!

{He takes a sledgehammer out of his sketchbook and smashes his laptop to pieces.}

EDITED VIDEO GREG: Well, that's that. Guess I should leave. {walks out the exit}

''{Cut to Stom. The members of the BODH reach for his waffles, and he steps back to defend them.}''

ZASCUB: I'm going to ask you one... more... time. Give us. The waffles. NOW.

STOM: {slowly offers a waffle}

ZASCUB: That's it. Give it to me.

STOM: {throws the waffle like a frisbee through the wall}

RABITE: AHH! What was that for?!

STOM: A distraction!

''{Stom throws another waffle, frisbee-style, and jumps up at the same time. He lands his foot on the waffle in midair, leaping off of it and landing next to the exit.}''

SUME: Wha&mdash;?! That's not even the laws of physics!

STOM: My waffles defy the laws of physics.

{Gfd sneaks up behind Stom, snatches a waffle, and runs away.}

I got a waffle!

''{Stom throws a waffle at Gfd, knocking him back, then catches it like a boomerang. He walks over and takes Gfd's waffle.}''

HONSTLAR: Okay, everyone. On the count of 3, charge. 1... 2...

''{Stom stands in the center of the room and hurls a waffle in a circular formation, so it knocks down everyone else. He catches it and walks out.}''

STOM: I knew being an expert wafflem'n would come in handy one day.

''{Cut to an exterior shot of Pom Pom's luxury jet flying through the night sky in 2016. Cut back to the closet. The interior is now dark.}''

PAST ARSENE VIDEO GREG: {muffled; offscreen} I CAN'T TAKE THIS NO MORE!!

PAST COACH E: {muffled; offscreen} IT'S BEEN TOO LONG!

PAST HONSTLAR: {muffled; offscreen} WE HAVE TO GET OUT OF THIS TINY BOX!!

PAST : {muffled; offscreen} EVERY MAN FOR HIMSELF!

''{Everyone bursts out of the closet and runs to the front of the jet, waking Pom Pom. Past Gfd takes the steering controls.}''

PAST : I'm takin' us to the Pom-ised land!

PAST HONSTLAR: He's awake! Hide!

{Everyone crouches down in plain sight.}

PAST SRMX12: {whispering} This isn't very stealthy.

POM POM: {angry bubbles}

PAST : What? No, of course we didn't illegally stow away on your luxury jet.

POM POM: {angrier bubbles}

PAST : Well, if you put it that way... yeah, we did.

DEAN: We needed to get to the Isle of Pom, but we had no money. We just couldn't stand the thought of being stuffed in a closet for twelve hours.

PAST : Yeah, it tasted like cockroaches and petrified dust. {coughs up Gavin}

POM POM: {angry bubbles}

DEAN: Throw us out?! But... the fate of the planet depends on us!

POM POM: {confused bubbles}

ARSENE VIDEO GREG: {whispering} Nice going, Dean. Now he thinks we're all crazy.

{Pom Pom opens the door and starts throwing them outside one by one.}

DEAN: Please, Mr. Pom, reconsider! We have nowhere else to go! {throw}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Pom Pom, my dog! Remember all the times we've had? We've been friends since forever! You can't throw me out! I'm&mdash; {throw}

PAST HOMESTAR RUNNER: Hey Pom Pom, I'm Homestar too! You wouldn't throw me out twice, would you, ol' pal? {throw}

DOOBLE: {angrily} This chowder is a little too tangy, bulbous man! You should not&mdash; {throw} Whoa!

ARSENE VIDEO GREG: Listen, Pom Pom. You don't know me, but you should know that I'm a good person. I would never consider sneaking aboard your jet and&mdash; {throw}

''{Everyone else is thrown out. Cut to the ocean at night. Everyone falls in.}''

DEAN: Well. Great. This is just great. Now we're in the middle of the ocean... miles from land... with no hope for survival.

PAST SRMX12: Hey, what's that?

''{Pan right to reveal they're right next to a beach. They swim to the shore.}''

PAST SRMX12: {looking at his computer} My technology, which somehow emerged intact from the water, indicates that this is...

''{Cut to a zoomed-out shot of an island resembling a Pom, surrounded by a transparent pill-like dome. Text fades in over the screen:}''

ALL: THE ISLE OF POM!

''{The text disappears. Cut to the team wandering aimlessly through a town, exhausted.}''

PAST : {wheeze} Oh man. I need... {gasp} a muffin. Scratch that. I need 47 trucks' worth of baked goods and pastries. {cough}

PAST SRMX12: {looking at his computer} We've arrived at Pompous Heights. According to my extremely complex calculations, Stom should be two feet to the right.

''{The gang takes two steps forward, and the camera pans slightly to reveal Stom. He is shorter than usual, with no glasses and longer hair.}''

PAST COACH E: Is that him? I thought you said he had glasses.

DEAN: He does. In the future.

PAST STOM: You guys are from the future?

ARSENE VIDEO GREG: Yeah. We need you to help us bust a ghost. You in?

PAST STOM: Totally sure!

PAST : Don't forget your waffle-making equipment!

PAST STOM: {pulls a waffle iron from Hammerspace} I never do.

PAST : Sweet styles!

PAST HONSTLAR: So, who else do we need to recruit to our shady band of missionaries?

DEAN: Rabite, Zascub, and Sume.

''{Wipe to the Field. Rabite, Zascub, and Sume are standing there.}''

PAST RABITE: {shrug} Sure.

PAST ZASCUB: Sounds good to me.

PAST SUME: I'm down.

PAST HONSTLAR: Wow, that was quick.

ARSENE VIDEO GREG: {whispering} They're not exactly major characters.

PAST SUME: Hey, I heard that.

''{Cut to the Dimension of Darkness. Everyone has exited through the doors except Coach E, Rabite, Zascub, and Sume.}''



HONSTLAR: I finally got to kick that weasely Homeschool Winner in the face!

EDITED VIDEO GREG: I passed up a chance to become a professional costumer for you guys. I hope you're happy.

SRMX12: Hey, where's the rest?

{Coach E, Rabite, Zascub, and Sume exit their fear doors.}

STOM: Hey, guys! What took you so long?

SUME: Our personalities are too underdeveloped, so we don't have any fears. We just had to walk through really long, boring tunnels.

RABITE: I really wish my creator would contribute to these scripts and give me some actual personality traits.

{They walk up to a blue floating crystal.}

HONSTLAR: Well, here we are. The second Chaos Emerald, or Infinity Stone, or whatever these things are called. Gfd, do you want to do the honors this time?

''{Gfd takes the element and pops it in his mouth. He starts chewing, causing a large blue explosion.}''

SUME: Wow. Good thing these explosions are harmless.



EDITED VIDEO GREG: How do you know what plastic tastes like? Wait, don't answer.

I'd rate it 5.13900274/10.

ZASCUB: That's a pretty good score.

''{Cut to a university classroom in 2016. Dean is standing at the front, with a red sweater and darker, straighter hair.}''

PAST DEAN: ...And that's why come Shakespeare was so awesome.

{Present-day Dean peeks in through the door.}

DEAN: Hey, past self. Can we speak with you for a moment?

PAST DEAN: {screams in shock, then calms down and speaks in a professional manner} Uh, yes, that would be fine. Class dismissed. {leaves}

{Cut to the group walking through the university hallway.}

ARSENE VIDEO GREG: Hey, past Dean...

{Pause.}

ARSENE VIDEO GREG: Dean?

{Pause.}

ARSENE VIDEO GREG: Hey, I'm talking to you.

PAST DEAN: Who?

ARSENE VIDEO GREG: You.

PAST DEAN: Oh. What were you calling me?

ARSENE VIDEO GREG: Dean.

PAST DEAN: That's... not my name.

ARSENE VIDEO GREG: No, but it's your job, right?

PAST DEAN: No, I'm an English professor.

DEAN: What he means is, you will be a dean in a few months.

PAST DEAN: What? Really?! That's amazing! I've always dreamed of being a dean. What happened to the current one? Did he retire? He seems awfully young.

DEAN: Oh, yeah, no, he was murdered by our crazy old neighbor Mr. Dando.

PAST DEAN: Oh goodness! Was the culprit arrested?

DEAN: No, he does stuff like that all the time. He actually works for a thousand-year-old ghost of an evil warlock that tries to kill us regularly.

PAST DEAN: Oh goodness again!

DEAN: But don't worry! We're going to get your help to kill it.

PAST DEAN: How can you kill a ghost? Aren't they already dead?

DEAN: He's like a weird ghost. Anyway, now we just need to find Dooble's past self, then we'll be all set.

ARSENE VIDEO GREG: Hey Dooble, where do you live?

DOOBLE: It varies from a bowl of grapes to a lawn care salon.

DEAN: Looks like he's not going to be much help to us. Hey Gfd, Dooble's your relative, right?

PAST : No, of course not.

DEAN: Oh right, you haven't found out yet. Well, he is.

PAST : He is?!

DOOBLE: {to Gfd} Oh, Pedro! I've been forever yearning to greet you!

DEAN: You wouldn't happen to know where to find him, would you?

PAST : Nope.

ARSENE VIDEO GREG: From my experience, he always shows up when you need help with something.

PAST : {takes a French cruller and a gluestick out of his hat, and glues the cruller to his head} Oh no! It seems I have glued a delightful pastry to my head. Whatever shall I do?!

{Crickets.}

PAST : {takes a baseball bat out of his hat and hits himself in the leg, causing him to fall to the ground} Oh no! My leg has been broken and I am rendered incapable of movement. If only there was someone who could help me!

{Crickets.}

PAST : {takes a flamethrower out of his hat and aims it at his face} Oh no! I'm about to&mdash;

DOOBLE: This is not how the professionals work, Donnie! Allow me to perform the secret signal. {throws a handful of cheeseballs in the air and whistles a tune}

{Past Dooble comes wandering in.}

PAST DOOBLE: {waves} Halosche.

DOOBLE: Oh, Pedro! I've been forever yearning to greet you!

PAST DOOBLE: Indeed, robot man! We can do it twiceways!

DOOBLE: Most definite!

PAST HONSTLAR: I feel like we're missing out on a fascinating and heartwarming discussion between Doobles.

ARSENE VIDEO GREG: Well, everyone's here. Are we ready to find Grindolo and show him who's boss? Give him the gears? Bring home the bacon?

DEAN: Seems that way. Let's get this ghost-killing party started!

{Everyone starts walking away except Gfd.}

PAST : Wait, you guys! I can't walk, remember?

''{Cut back to the BODH in the Dimension of Darkness. They stumble upon a gargantuan, dark, looming castle.}''

HONSTLAR: Whoa. Look at that thing. It's like Xar'ak's base on Earth, but, like, the size of an entire planet.

SRMX12: This must be his primary base! Like, his house! I imagine the third challenge can be found in there, whatever it is.

''{They walk up the stairs and through the mountain-sized door, and find themselves in a dark, absurdly spacious room, with red windows and torches on the walls. A red carpet leads to a staircase, with a large throne sitting at the top.}''

STOM: So, what is this? His living room?

It doesn't have a TV, a sofa, or a fifty-pound pile of peanut shells colonized by maggots in the corner.

SRMX12: This must be his throne room, based on the giant throne at the end of the hall.

SUME: What's that thing floating above the throne?

I'll get to the bottom of this. {gets binoculars out of his hat and looks through them}

RABITE: What is it? Is it the third challenge?



RABITE: Gfd. We're trying to save a third of the universe. We don't need suspense right now.

It's the last element.

{Zoom in to a glowing red crystal levitating above the throne.}

ALL: {voiceover} WHAT?!

{Cut back to the group.}

HONSTLAR: Seriously? Like, it's just right there in front of us? In plain sight for us to destroy?

STOM: We just destroyed the second one, we can't be at the third yet!

EDITED VIDEO GREG: Impossible. It must be a decoy.

SRMX12: {typing into the Prisma One} My Prismatic Prismulator energy-detecting device says that the element's energy signature is identical to the two previous elements. It's not a decoy.

COACH E: Maybe there's no third challenge at all. Maybe we won.

EDITED VIDEO GREG: It's too easy. The third challenge must be around here somewhere.

SUME: Look around. The room has carpet, and torches, a throne with a floaty stone on top. It's practically empty. You see any mountains or caves or anything? Anything even remotely resembling a challenge?

EDITED VIDEO GREG: It must be an invisible challenge. Yeah, that's it. Like, we walk toward the element and booby traps spring out of the wall or something. I'm calling it now &mdash; the third challenge is avoiding traps on our way to destroy Xar'ak for good. I bet five bucks.

SUME: That doesn't sound like Xar'ak's style. He's super mean, and this is the final challenge before we get a chance to destroy him. He's probably got something awful planned. Worse than anything we can predict.

HONSTLAR: Just walk slowly. Be cautious. Keep an eye out for booby traps. In fact, I'd go so far as to say keep two eyes out.

''{They slowly pace forward as the floor creaks beneath their feet. There is an eerie silence as they constantly turn around, on the lookout for any dangers. Suddenly, as if on cue, half of the BODH abruptly stop in their tracks.}''

HONSTLAR: Uh, guys? Come on. We need to destroy that last element.



HONSTLAR: Pardon?



STOM: Come on, you guys. We came all this way. Why won't you help us?

RABITE: We wouldn't want to betray our master, now would we?

HONSTLAR: Oh jeez. I think I figured out what the third challenge is.

''{Cut to Pom Pom's basement in 2016. The B-Team and their past allies are gathered together.}''

DEAN: I suppose you're wondering why I gathered you all here today.

PAST EDITED VIDEO GREG: You bet.

PAST SUME: I don't have the slightest clue what's going on.

DEAN: So, I got The Cheat to animate our plan. {pulls down a projector screen}

''{Cut to the screen. A Powered by The Cheat animation begins with the BODH standing in a white void.}''

DEAN: {voiceover} Here's the deal. In a little while, you guys will form a club&mdash;

{Everyone morphs into a helmet shape with "BODH" written inside.}

DEAN: &mdash;called the Broternal Order of Different Helmets, and accidentally free a powerful evil spirit named Grindolo.

{Cut to the BODH opening a cave door and freeing Grindolo.}

DEAN: That will cause an even more powerful evil spirit, Xar'ak, to come to Earth and take over everything&mdash;

{Xar'ak comes down from the sky and turns everything gray.}

DEAN: &mdash;subjecting the entire planet to endless pain and suffering. It can't be undone, so the only way to save Earth is to stop him from doing it in the first place.

{Cut to the B-Team moving through time.}

DEAN: So, Homestar, Dooble, Arsene, and I (the B-Team) traveled to the past. Together, we can kill Grindolo&mdash;

{Cut to the BODH and the B-Team at the cave door, walking inside and throwing Grindolo offscreen.}

DEAN: &mdash;giving our future friends more time to destroy Xar'ak and possibly save the planet.

''{The projector shuts off. Cut back to the room.}''

PAST HONSTLAR: How are we going to kill him, though?

PAST SRMX12: We're even younger and less experienced than our future selves. If anything, we're going to fail even worse than usual.

PAST HONSTLAR: Hey, I have an idea. We may not be able to defeat Grindolo by ourselves, but what if we had some more help? {holds up the Game Boy in a blender}

PAST GFDGSGXGZGDRC: Ooh, Game Boy smoothies. That's my second and third favorite beverage and gaming console, respectively!

PAST HONSTLAR: I meant we could gather allies from alternate universes. Old-Timey, 20X6, Cheat Commandos... imagine all the assistance they could provide!

DEAN: Interesting idea in theory, but we can't just add a whole new storyline. The movie is long enough as is.

PAST HONSTLAR: The movie's pacing doesn't matter as much as saving the world, does it?

DEAN: Okay, fine. We can find more allies, but it won't be included in the movie.

PAST HONSTLAR: Aw. But it sounds like such a fun sequence...

DEAN: Don't worry, maybe we can release it as its own episode at the same time.

PAST HONSTLAR: Sounds good. Now, onward to alternate universes!


 * The B-Team's story continues in .

''{Cut back to the BODH in Xar'ak's throne room. The two halves are standing and facing each other.}''

SUME: The third challenge must've turned Gfd, SRMX12, Coach E, Rabite, and Zascub evil!

SRMX12: Congratulations, you morons figured it out.



HONSTLAR: Bring it on!

EDITED VIDEO GREG: We're outnumbered. Maybe don't encourage them.

HONSTLAR: Right. Uh, bring it off?



{They charge toward each other and start battling.}

''{Cut to the Olmec in 2016. The B-Team shows up, surrounded by allies from alternate universes.}''

DEAN: Well, B-est Team, we're finally here. The final standoff. The ultimate showdown. The big kerfuffle. Let's see if we've got everyone... {takes out an attendance list} Do we have an Old-Timey character?

OLD-TIMEY STRONG BAD: Mmm, yes! Just you watch! When that sinister spectre gets a sizable taste of my polyurethane-gloveded fists, he'll be wishing he'd never crossed paths with the Strong Bad!

DEAN: 20X6 character and his training simulator?

STINKOMAN: Here. I know for a fact that this end boss won't be much of a challenge.

VECTOR STRONG BAD: HIS HEAD WILL BE A SPLODED BEFORE YOU CAN SAY "YOUR HEAD A SPLODE"

DEAN: Revamped-for-the-ninteties fourth-wall breaky character?

H. STLAR: Prexent.

DEAN: Crooked cop?

DANGERESQUE: You know it.

DEAN: Unbelievably soothing children's programming?

CHARACTER 0.G: Biddlyblabblyblee.

NARRATOR STRONG BAD: The cartoon character is ready to rumble, far out, that's all right.

DEAN: A ragtag group of backwards-named opposite people?

RALTSNOH ALPHA: All here.

DEAN: Characters from a piece of paper?

SCI-FI GREG: {wearing a futuristic robot suit} This extraterrestial spectral form won't escape my wrath!

D N' D GREG: {wearing a hooded knight armor} This new class 4 dark wizard knight armor gives me +5 defense. I believe my experience points will be soaring sky-high.

OPEN SOURCE GREG: {wearing a large clunky technological suit} If I bypass the mainframe and access the frequency binding his subatomic molecules, he won't be bothering us much more. On account of he'll be dead by my hands.

JAPANESE CULTURE GREG: {wearing an anime suit} I have a beige belt in {anime face} TATAKAI!

DEAN: Commandos of the Cheat variety?

CRACKOTAGE: I'm not feeling a bit of dread. I think this ghost's 'bouta get dead! Heebity jeebity!

GUNHAVER: Haven't you used that one before?

CRACKOTAGE: Don't forget that we've got more, say hi to this here guy Trogdor!

TROGDOR: {wearing a spiky wristband; in a computer-generated voice} This fool is no match for my burnination.

DEAN: A superhero-slash-villain, a space robot and his sidekick, and two kids with a QblePon Stone, all of which we have worked with in previous episodes?

STRONG BADMAN: This mortal will fall at the radioactive goo-oozing hands of Strong Badman!

GANKROAR: Technically, he's not mortal. Anyway, I have the entire Klanktorian database stored in my memory banks, so I know all of Grindolo's abilities and how to counteract them.

CHEEBY: But it hasn't been updated in 500 years due to Grindolo's current situation.

GANKROAR: True, but he couldn't have changed that much since then, right?

HECTOR: Aw man, you guys. Aw the total man. I can safely, and with only two milliseconds of hesitation, say that this day is the best day of my long, long life.

KOVITCH: I'd like to rough up a ghost real nice.

DEAN: All right, that's everyone. Are you all prepared?

H. STLAR: I mean, xhere'x no way we won't win. What kind of movie would xhix be if we loxt?

DANGERESQUE: I singlehandedly put The Stripèd Robber behind bars, locked up Jones Murderface, imprisoned Copyright Infringement Dan, jailed Vlad the Embezzler... someone help me out here, I'm running out of synonyms for "I caught the guy and put him in the bighouse". Point is, I can handle a ghostm'n.

RALTSNOH ALPHA: So can we. We're the opposites of you helmeters, and you guys are the worst, which makes us the best.

E HCAOC: That's true. It's factually proven. With science even.

CHARACTER 0.G: {takes out a chainsaw} Blap-blibbity-blap-blap.

NARRATOR STRONG BAD: Why, how fun. It looks like Character 0.G is a-ready to slaughter this nemesis in a most gruesome fashion, far out.

KOVITCH: {pointing at the Olmec} That cave looks like a dentist.

{The Olmec's eyes open, and the camera shakes dramatically.}

OLMEC: Who dares disturb my slumber?!

DEAN: The B-est Team. We're the B-Team, plus some other people from other universes and time periods.

OLMEC: Do you have the code?

PAST : Ricky Fitness!

DEAN: It's Fighters. Ricky Fighters.

''{The door opens and they walk in. The Golden Fedora sits on a pedestal, but otherwise it is empty.}''

GUNHAVER: That's odd. I could've sworn you said there was a ghost in here.

D N' D GREG: I suspect he's using a class 7 cloaking spell. He must be powerful to evade my perception level.

DEAN: Apparently, the team couldn't see him the first time either. They didn't even find out they had freed Grindolo until later.

D N' D GREG: So he is using a cloaking spell. Reveal yourself before us, O wicked spirit, that we may spite you!

SCI-FI GREG: Smite.

D N' D GREG: That's what I said.

PAST GRINDOLO: {echoey voiceover} Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha HAAA...

H. STLAR: Okay, I'm beginning to get xhe creepx.

{Grindolo begins laughing maniacally.}

DEAN: Something weird is going on. Grindolo never laughs.

PAST GRINDOLO: {echoey voiceover} It's just... this is the first time I've heard any speech in 500 years. And of all things, it's from visitors from the future, wishing to vanquish me. And to make things even more ironic, you've broken the seal, allowing me to break free of this infernal cavern and wreak havoc on the universe. You poor, pathetic fools.

DEAN: All this time trapped in here has made him insane. The team didn't see him until like a week after he was freed, so it makes sense that he would be more unhinged right now.

ARSENE VIDEO GREG: How did you know we were from the future?

PAST GRINDOLO: {echoey voiceover} Hee hee. How stupid do you think I am? I heard everything you just said. You know me. You've been here before. Let me guess &mdash; you freed me from the cave, I took over the universe, and now you're back to stop it from ever happening. Correct?

DEAN: No, actually. That's not accurate at all. We're here because&mdash;

PAST GRINDOLO: {echoey voiceover} I don't want to hear it. If you want to smite me, go ahead... but it's only fair that I treat you with the same respect.

''{Darkness begins collecting in the center of the room. Eventually, it turns into a crude Grindolo-like form.}''

DEAN: Huh. You don't look like future Grindolo.

PAST GRINDOLO: {slowly changing form} This is the first time I've used a physical appearance in five centuries. I'm not really used to this.

DOOBLE: Pipe it down, Fernandez! We have to do it... brAOdway!

{The B-est Team stares defiantly at Grindolo, preparing to battle.}

{Cut to the BODH fighting each other in Xar'ak's throne room.}



HONSTLAR: This is for eating my Cheat-Toes!

{Sume pokes Gfd in the face with her mop.}



''{Sume turns around. Gfd then leaps up, grabs her mop, and sweeps Greg's legs, knocking him to the ground.}''

SRMX12: Greg is down. Finish him.



{A waffle is thrown, distracting Gfd.}

{runs off and eats it}

EDITED VIDEO GREG: {gets up} Hey, thanks, Stom.

STOM: No prob, Bob.

EDITED VIDEO GREG: My name's Greg.



STOM: What about more waffles?



''{Gfd runs toward Stom to eat him, but Stom grabs waffles out of his waffle iron and throws them into Gfd's mouth at superhuman speed. Gfd tries to chew fast to make it through the barrage of waffles, but he's no match. He gives up, and the waffles knock him backward.}''

I'll never trust food again.

{Cut to the B-est Team fighting Grindolo in the Cave of the Golden Fedora.}

STINKOMAN: DOUBLE DEUCE!!

''{Stinkoman sends a blast of light at Grindolo, who shields himself with magic. Strong Badman shoots a fireball at Grindolo, causing an explosion and slightly scorching him.}''

STRONG BADMAN: How did he even get scorched? He's a ghost!

DEAN: Homsar told us he uses a fake physical form, so he's not completely a ghost.

PAST HONSTLAR: He's vulnerable to fire! Someone burninate him even more!

{Trogdor breathes fire at Grindolo, who collects the flames in his hands and throws it back at Trogdor, knocking him against the wall.}

SCI-FI GREG: {shoots electric beams at Grindolo} ENDURIUM FORCE BLASTS!!

PAST HONSTLAR: Why does that sound like a breakfast cereal?

{Grindolo takes the beam and deflects it at Crackotage.}

CRACKOTAGE: That 'lectric blast was painful stuff, I think I might've had enough! Hee hee hwah hwah!

HECTOR: Kovitch! You know what you need to do. Unleash the QblePon!

KOVITCH: {holding the QblePon Stone} This circle is bad for your esophagus.

''{The QblePon are released from the stone. Feedems, both Jersey and Raw varieties, try to eat Grindolo, but he blasts them away.}''

TALLSOCKET: I'm glaring at you with my tall socket! It has no effect!

''{Seemingly Sam poofs away. Beestburdin rockets toward Grindolo, who dodges, causing Beestburdin to crash into the wall.}''

HECTOR: Nooo! You can't do that to my main man Beestburdin! You have earned my wrath!

{Hector kicks Grindolo repeatedly, who simply stands there unamused.}

HECTOR: Oh yeah. That's right. You're goin' down. So much wrath. Can't even believe how much wrath.

{Grindolo pokes Hector, sending him crashing into the wall.}

HECTOR: Let's call that a tie.

{Cut back to the BODH fighting each other.}

SUME: You guys! This isn't you. You would never turn evil, or support the torture of trillions. Snap out of it!

COACH E: I'd rather not.

SUME: Don't you see? This is the third challenge! Xar'ak is affecting your minds!

SRMX12: Well, in that case, I'm quite glad Xar'ak has enlightened us so.

SUME: Cut it out, you guys! That's Xar'ak talking. Fight it! I want to speak to the real SRMX12!

SRMX12: I am the real SRMX12. Xar'ak isn't controlling me. He may have planted an idea or two in my mind, but the rest is all me, I assure you.

HONSTLAR: Well, if you guys are really you... then you remember all our other episodes, right? The good guys always win. That's us.

COACH E: It doesn't matter how the story's going to go. It only matters who's more powerful.

HONSTLAR: Again, that's us. The good guys. We may be outnumbered, but we've got a magic sketchbook on our side. And, uh... a mop.

{holds up Greg's sketchbook}

EDITED VIDEO GREG: Give me that.

I'm evil, remember? {scribbles into the book}

{A Teen Girl Squad-style Gfd comes out of the book.}

Now you guys are even more outnumbered. Eat them, clone self. Eat them all.

-2: Whoa, whoa, whoa. I'm not that hungry. Are you guys having one of your squabbles again? I can resolve things. Guys, I did not eat our leftovers and Honstlar's house.

Drew the wrong me. You're supposed to be evil!

-2: Evil? What, have you guys been brainwashed? That's inconvenient.

HONSTLAR: Five against five. Now we're evenly matched!

{Cut back to the B-est Team fighting Grindolo.}

GUNHAVER: {shooting at Grindolo} Eat bullets, Grondulo!

OLD-TIMEY STRONG BAD: {shooting at Grindolo} Yes! Devour them whole and feel them sliding down your iniquitous esophagus!

DANGERESQUE: {shooting at Grindolo} No, that's too much. Just eat them, metaphorically.

{Cut to Grindolo, leaning back and stopping the bullets with his mind.}

VECTOR STRONG BAD: COME ON, YOU GUYS. LET ME SHOW YOU HOW IT'S DONE.

''{Vector Strong Bad sends projectiles at Grindolo. He reflects them with a cyber-shield.}''

DOOBLE: Stop this now, you alphabetical tube! Don't make me slice your favorite pizza! {holds up a pizza}

PAST GRINDOLO: Wait, what?

PAST : He's not bluffing. He will slice that pizza. I have seen it.

PAST GRINDOLO: Whatever. {crushes the pizza with his mind}

PAST : {enraged} You dare waste a perfectly good pizza?

{Gfd goes on a rampage, smashing Grindolo with various objects and kicking him rapidly until Grindolo blasts him across the cave.}

GRINDOLO: I can't believe you weirdos are my future enemies.

''{Cut back to the BODH fighting, along with a sketched Gfd clone. Hundreds of sketched clones of Gfd, SRMX12, Coach E, Rabite, and Zascub emerge from the shadows.}''

HONSTLAR: Are you serious? He drew more of them?

And these ones are actually evil this time.

EDITED VIDEO GREG: I think our first move should be get the magic sketchbook back.

{The evil clones line up in front of the good guys.}

ALL CLONES: You'll have to go through us first.

-2: That can be arranged.

''{Gfd-2 devours them while the rest of the good guys tackle the real Gfd to the ground. Gfd-2 walks up and snatches the sketchbook out of his hands.}''

-2: I got the papes! What should I draw?

HONSTLAR: I dunno. Some sorta device to make them good again, or knock them unconsious, or something to give us tactical advantage, like an army or a superweapon or...

{Gfd-2 is now holding a sketchy club sandwich.}

-2: I can't draw superweapons on an empty stomach. {eats the sandwich} Mmm. Graphite.

{Cut back to the cave.}

D N' D GREG: {swinging his sword awkwardly} I'm more familiar with turn-based combat. Do I have enough mana to level up my armor class?

H. STLAR: Xhix ixn't a game! Hit 'im wixh everyxhing you've got!

D N' D GREG: Right, right. Take this, spectral mage!

{D n' D Greg swipes his sword at Grindolo, slicing him into pieces.}

PAST GRINDOLO: AARRGH. Oh, the pain. I've been slain.

CRACKOTAGE: Now you're getting it!

D N' D GREG: Whoa. I got him. I beat Grindolo.

{Grindolo reappears, fully intact.}

PAST GRINDOLO: Beat Grindolo you thought you had, but turns out your perception's bad.

CRACKOTAGE: You oughta be a poet.

PAST GRINDOLO: Yeah, I know it.

D N' D GREG: That was an illusion? I don't understand! This blade was smelted by the Order of Blacksmiths from the metal of the realm's core in the fires of the east volcano!

{Character 0.G sneaks up behind Grindolo with a chainsaw.}

NARRATOR STRONG BAD: And here we see Character 0.G about to strike the finishing blow against Grindolo, ending his reign of terror once and for all, a-far out.

CHARACTER 0.G: Bibbityblabbity!

NARRATOR STRONG BAD: And he would've appreciated it if I hadn't alerted Grindolo with my incessant narration, farther out.

{Character 0.G slices Grindolo into pieces with his chainsaw.}

D N' D GREG: You beat him? I don't understand! This blade was smelted by&mdash;

{Grindolo reappears again and blasts everyone back.}

DEAN: I'm beginning to think I may have underestimated Grindolo.

ARSENE VIDEO GREG: Ya think?

''{Cut back to the BODH. Gfd-2 is holding the sketchbook.}''

HONSTLAR: Okay, you've had your sandwich, now draw us a superweapon or something.

STOM: But not one that kills anyone. Just, like, knock them unconsious so we can destroy the element.

SUME: Or maybe even draw something that turns them good again.

EDITED VIDEO GREG: I don't think that's possible. Even the sketchbook is no match for Xar'ak's powers of persuasion.

-2: How about a stun laser?

{Gfd-2 scribbles and pulls a stun laser out of the sketchbook, and proceeds to shoot laser blasts at SRMX12, Coach E, Rabite, Zascub, and Sume.}

-2: I did it! They're all unconscious!

HONSTLAR: Sume's on our side.

-2: Oh. I thought there were five of them.

HONSTLAR: There are.

-2: Then who'd I miss?

{Gfd-1 snatches the stun laser out of Gfd-2's grasp.}

{looking at the laser} How do I set this thing to "disintegrate"? Is there a switch or what?

STOM: Tough luck, bad Garbles. Who would draw a disintegration switch on a harmless stun laser?

-2: {nervously} Yeah! Totally no one would ever draw a disintegration switch on that thing, especially if it was supposed to be really detailed and that switch was accidentally drawn on there with a bunch of buttons and stuff just to make it look cool. And even if there was a switch accidentally drawn on there, it probably definitely doesn't work, so I wouldn't even try it.

STOM: Oh goodness no.

{activates the switch} Set to disintegrate.

-2: No disintegrations!

You will all die.

-2: I've got a bad feeling about this.

HONSTLAR: Just saying, you missed an obvious "clone wars" joke earlier. You know, 'cause we were in a war with clones.

''{Gfd-1 pulls the trigger, firing a disintegration blast. The blast flies through the air and hits... a shield.}''

HONSTLAR: Disintegration-proof sketch shield.

Looks like I have to even the playing field a bit. You know who else has a magic sketchbook? {another sketchbook appears in his grasp} Xar'ak.

EDITED VIDEO GREG: Ooh, sketchbook vs. sketchbook. This gon' be gooood.

HONSTLAR: {nudges Greg}

EDITED VIDEO GREG: Er... this gon' be... bad. And, uh, very serious.

''{Cut to the battle with Grindolo. He stands victoriously as everyone else is hurt and exhausted.}''

PAST GRINDOLO: You know, it's been fun. I haven't had company in quite a while. But I'm starting to get sick of you, so I'll stop holding back and just going to kill you all right about now, if that's all right.

''{He sends out daggers to stab Character 0.G and D n' D Greg. He then lights himself on fire and tackles Trogdor to the ground. He sends bullets back at Old-Timey Strong Bad, Dangeresque, and Gunhaver, wounding them. He slams a piece of the ceiling down on the HDOB, destroying them all. He punches Strong Badman into the wall, crushes Gankroar with his mind, and sends energy blasts at everyone else.}''

''{Everyone is bruised and beaten. Dean crawls toward Grindolo weakly.}''

DEAN: {strained voice} Stop... please...

''{Grindolo picks up Dean and slams her against the wall, holding her in place as she flails helplessly. Electricity surges in his other hand to create a ball of dark energy.}''

PAST GRINDOLO: Did you honestly believe I'd stop just because you asked?

DEAN: Yes. I... {struggling} I have something to tell you.

PAST GRINDOLO: {moves the energy ball toward Dean} Too bad.

DEAN: I never told you why we're here.

PAST GRINDOLO: You came to the past to stop me.

DEAN: No, we came to the past to stop... him.

{The realization dawns on Grindolo.}

DEAN: You know who I'm talking about.

PAST GRINDOLO: You could've just said Xar'ak.

DEAN: I know, but "him" is more ominous.

''{Cut to the BODH's battle. Honstlar draws a giant spaceship and everyone gets in. Gfd-1 wakes up the rest of the bad guys and draws a bigger spaceship. The two spaceships fly around the absurdly large throne room, shooting at each other and crashing into walls.}''

HONSTLAR: This is going perfectly. I can't believe they're falling for this distraction.

-2: Distraction?

HONSTLAR: {gestures down to the floor, where an army of Honstlar, Greg, Stom, and Sume clones runs across the room}

EDITED VIDEO GREG: How did you draw an entire army without us noticing?

HONSTLAR: I tossed the drawing out the spaceship window. Taking advantage of the sketchbook's reality manifestation delay. I don't think the bad guys have noticed.

{The bad guys' spaceship shoots down at the army.}

EDITED VIDEO GREG: They've noticed.

HONSTLAR: Aw man! Those sketches were supposed to destroy the element for us!

''{A crumpled ball of paper is tossed out of the bad guys' spaceship, and it explodes into another massive army. The two armies clash.}''

HONSTLAR: What do I do now?

EDITED VIDEO GREG: Gimme the book.

''{Frantically, Greg tosses dozens of crumpled balls out of the ship, filling the room with armies, swords, lasers, and more. The bad guys do the same, until the room is full of clones, weapons, and spaceships.}''

{Cut to Honstlar and Gfd-2 sitting at the front of the ship.}

HONSTLAR: We're getting nowhere. We both have the same magic sketchbook and infinite resources. We're trapped in a stalemate.

-2: Well... we're going easy on them, aren't we?

HONSTLAR: Yeah, 'cause we don't want to kill them. They're still our friends, just temporarily brainwashed.

-2: But what if... well... erhm...

HONSTLAR: What?

-2: Nothing. Just an idea. It's nothing.

HONSTLAR: Tell me. Every idea helps.

-2: What if we... you know... {mumbles}

HONSTLAR: Pardon?

-2: You know what I mean.

HONSTLAR: No, I don't.

-2: {sighs and winces} Well... I was just saying... and&mdash; and I mean, it's just a suggestion, it's not something we'll actually do, but... you know... what if we... {mumbling} kill 'em?

HONSTLAR: WHAT?!

-2: Like I said, it's nothing. It's not&mdash; it's not anything. Ignore it. {pause} But, I mean... it would give us the advantage we need to kill Xar'ak and save the Earth and two-thirds of the universe... and we can just redraw them after, right?

HONSTLAR: That sketchbook is magic. It's not omnipotent. It can't create life, it can only replicate it. If we redrew them, we'd be living with mere shadows of our friends.

-2: So you're saying I'm not a real living being?

HONSTLAR: Well... a little. Kinda. Yeah. That's what I'm saying.

-2: Still, though... every second we delay, the chance of Xar'ak taking over Earth increases by one second. It's five lives in the way of torture for billions.

''{Honstlar gazes solemnly into the distance, as if contemplating the nature of reality. Suddenly a waffle is thrown at his face.}''

STOM: Sorry to interrupt whatever you're staring at, Supreme Overlord, but we need a plan. Drawing frantically isn't helping.

HONSTLAR: {mumbling emotionlessly} Well, we could... {clears throat; normal voice} uh, nevermind. We'll think of something.

EDITED VIDEO GREG: Wait, I have an idea. You ever played those games as a kid where it's like, "I cut you with my sword!" "No, but my shield protects me from the sword!" "Well, my sword cuts through shields!" "No, it's an invincible shield!" "Then I take the shield!" "You can't! It's a force field!" "Well, I have an invincible sword that cuts through&mdash;"

HONSTLAR: We get it. What's your point?

EDITED VIDEO GREG: This is like that. We both have infinite resources, so if they know how we're gonna attack, they can counterattack, and vice versa. But if we were to do something they don't expect, there's nothing they can do to stop it.

HONSTLAR: Like what?

EDITED VIDEO GREG: Like, I dunno, what if I draw something to erase all the sketches? Then we'd be at ground zero again.

HONSTLAR: Sure, go ahead.

-2: Except me. Keep me alive. Well... I guess I'm not alive, but you get what I mean.

''{Greg draws a device, takes it out of the book, and presses a button. The sketches of spaceships, weapons, and armies disappear, and everyone falls to the ground.}''



{Gfd-1 starts drawing, but Gfd-2 eats his sketchbook before he can finish.}

-2: How do expect to win without your precious sketchbook?



''{Gfd-1 snatches Greg's sketchbook out of his hands. He then draws a force field around the good guys, trapping them inside.}''

HONSTLAR: Trapping us in a force field? That's your big plan?



HONSTLAR: This force field won't last forever, you realize. Sooner or later we're going to get that element and crush it into a fine powder.



HONSTLAR: Why are you just waiting around? Don't you want to take the element somewhere we won't find it?



HONSTLAR: Shoot. That complicates things.

{Cut to Grindolo holding Dean against the cave wall, with electricity in his other hand.}

PAST GRINDOLO: What does this have to do with Xar'ak?

DEAN: In a few months, you'll be freed from this cave, and a couple years later, Xar'ak will find you, kill you, and take over the planet.

PAST GRINDOLO: {vanishes the electricity in his hand} Xar'ak... kills me?

DEAN: Yep. We just need to kill you first to prevent Earth's demise.

PAST GRINDOLO: That isn't necessary. I know another way...

ARSENE VIDEO GREG: Which is?

PAST GRINDOLO: {his eyes glare with intense hatred} We find Xar'ak and destroy him.

DEAN: Wait... why do you want to help us now? We were just trying to kill you.

PAST GRINDOLO: You want to destroy Xar'ak. I want to destroy Xar'ak. We have the same goal, therefore it would be most beneficial for us to work together to achieve it.

DEAN: I guess that makes sense. But why do you want to destroy Xar'ak? You worked with him for centuries.

PAST GRINDOLO: I worked with him out of fear. I hated him. He was abusive, manipulative, and worst of all, he betrayed me. When {scowls at Honstlar} your ancestor sealed me in this filthy cave, {normal expression} I called out to Xar'ak for help. He was fed up with my assistance, and refused to free me. With my power and the Golden Fedora, we could defeat Xar'ak once and for all!

ARSENE VIDEO GREG: Yeah, that's not necessary. Our friends are already working on it. They're in his dimension destroying the elements as we speak!

DEAN: Well, no, not as we speak. They're in the future.

PAST GRINDOLO: The elements? Oh, no...

ARSENE VIDEO GREG: What?

PAST GRINDOLO: Your friends may be in grave danger. We have to go to the future and help them.

ARSENE VIDEO GREG: What's wrong with the elements?

PAST GRINDOLO: I'll explain on the way. Where's the Fedora?

PAST HONSTLAR: Oh, I have it. Looks nice on me, doesn't it?

PAST GRINDOLO: Give it to me.

{Cut to the good half of the BODH trapped in the force field, while the evil half watches gleefully.}

STOM: Is there anything we can do? Does anyone have anything that can erase the force field or delay the explosion or something?

EDITED VIDEO GREG: Well, there is one option... {holds up the Prisma One}

HONSTLAR: Where'd you get that?

EDITED VIDEO GREG: While they were distracted stealing our sketchbook, I took the time to steal SRMX12's computer. I've picked up some of his computery-speak over the years, and I think I might just be able to hack into the energy of the force field and redirect it.

HONSTLAR: You mean you can erase it?

EDITED VIDEO GREG: Not quite. This computer isn't capable of altering its energy signature, but I can move its location. This force field is automatically targeted to the nearest organisms, so I might be able to trap them instead of us.

HONSTLAR: And then what?

EDITED VIDEO GREG: We... go and destroy the element, I guess.

HONSTLAR: And just leave our friends to be exploded?

EDITED VIDEO GREG: It's sad, but... it's them or us. The energy is attracted to organic beings, and we're the only ones in the entire dimension. And they're evil right now, so...

HONSTLAR: That doesn't matter!! We're the Broternal Order of Different Helmets! We don't kill each other!

-2: Most of the time.

HONSTLAR: Wait a minute. The bad guys have the sketchbook. We don't. If we redirect the force field to them, they can just draw some kind of shield and survive! No one has to die after all!

{Gfd-1 tears up the sketchbook and throws the scraps into the air like confetti.}

EDITED VIDEO GREG: AAAHHH!! My sketchbook!

HONSTLAR: Why would you do that?! That was the key to your survival! If we moved the force field, you could've drawn a shield and survived and everything would turn out okay!

By destroying the books, I have sealed your fate. You can't bring yourselves to move the force field, now that we're defenseless. There's nothing you can do except wait for your inevitable demise.

EDITED VIDEO GREG: Wow. That is one risky gamble you're making. How do you know we won't move the force field?

I've gone on adventures with you for years. I know you well enough to predict what you'll do next. You'll try to figure out another solution that doesn't involve killing anyone, but you won't be able to think of anything, and you'll all go kaboom. We win.

''{Cut to the cave. Grindolo reaches for the Golden Fedora.}''

PAST HONSTLAR: You want the Golden Fedora?

PAST GRINDOLO: That's what I said.

PAST HONSTLAR: Why should I give it to you? You're a bad guy.

PAST GRINDOLO: You need to trust me. I want to help your friends. This is the only way.

PAST HONSTLAR: You want to kill us.

PAST GRINDOLO: That too. But not nearly as much as I want to kill Xar'ak. Give me the hat.

{Cut to the good half of the BODH, still in the force field.}

EDITED VIDEO GREG: You guys, we're between a rock and a hard place. And I'm kinda leaning toward the hard place right now.

HONSTLAR: No! We can't give into the... Wait. Which is the hard place?

EDITED VIDEO GREG: You know... the killing thing.

SRMX12: How paradoxical. Your lives will end with a literal bang, but at the same time, with a figurative whimper. You will not die an honorable or heroic death. You will die from your own uncertainty, blown to smithereens because you couldn't make a simple decision. Xar'ak will take over your planet, and everything you've done will be forgotten. You will have accomplished nothing in your life. A whimper indeed.

SUME: Their taunting almost makes me agree with Greg.

STOM: {panicking} I... I don't know. I want to live, but... I couldn't live with murder on my conscience.

EDITED VIDEO GREG: This is a deep philosophical quandary for a Homestar Runner fanfic.

SUME: ...tion.

EDITED VIDEO GREG: Let's weigh the options. If we don't redirect the field, we die, our friends stay bad forever, and Xar'ak takes over the universe. If we do redirect the field, we live, stop Xar'ak, and put the bad guys out of their misery.

HONSTLAR: We should at least have a vote. All in favor of moving the force field?

EDITED VIDEO GREG: Aye.

SUME: Aye.

HONSTLAR: All opposed?

STOM: Nay.

HONSTLAR: Nay. All right. It's two against two. Gfd-2, you're the tiebreaker. The deciding vote. The fate of ten lives rests on your shoulders.

{Cut back to the cave, where Grindolo is trying to get the Golden Fedora.}

PAST HONSTLAR: Tell me why I should trust you.

PAST GRINDOLO: Xar'ak has taken over much of the universe. Killing him won't undo the suffering he's caused. If you let me defeat him, I will use my magic and this hat to undo all the damage he's done. I might even revive your friends I just killed.

PAST HONSTLAR: And you won't kill me with the Fedora?

DEAN: He's right. You tried that in the future. How do we know you won't do it now?

PAST GRINDOLO: In the five centuries I've been trapped here with the Fedora, I have never once used it. Because I couldn't. By opening this cave, you have undone Honald's curse upon me and set me free to roam the Earth and use this magical headgear. Therefore, I will express my gratitude by letting you live a little longer.

PAST HONSTLAR: Well... okay... {slowly offers it to Grindolo}

DEAN: HONSTLAR! NO!

{Cut back to the force field.}

HONSTLAR: Gfd-2? We need a tiebreaker. What's your vote?

''{Gfd-2 stares at the ground in fear and hesitation. He starts to shake his head, then stops. He pauses, as if realizing something, and looks up with a determined and fearful expression.}''

-2: Aye.

HONSTLAR: Really? You're sure you want&mdash;

-2: Yes. Do it.

EDITED VIDEO GREG: {typing} I'm scanning the energy signature... gaining access to its central molecular system... redirecting the energy source... and...

{Pause.}

HONSTLAR: Did it work?

EDITED VIDEO GREG: I haven't done it yet.

SUME: Why not?

EDITED VIDEO GREG: I... don't know if I can.

STOM: You mean, if you can technically, or...

EDITED VIDEO GREG: ...If I can morally. SRMX12... Coach E... Rabite... Zascub... even Gfd...

-2: Even Gfd?

EDITED VIDEO GREG: They're all our friends. I... I can't do this to them.

HONSTLAR: So... we came all this way... but I guess we're just gonna die, huh?

EDITED VIDEO GREG: Seems that way.

HONSTLAR: Well... it's been a good one.

-2: Shut up and give me that.

{Gfd-2 snatches the Prisma One from Greg's hands and redirects the force field to the evil half.}

WHOA! Sketch self!! What did you do?!

SRMX12: I didn't think they would ever do it! Boy, do I feel dumb now.

ZASCUB: Well, I guess you guys win. This kinda sucks.

{Gfd-2 starts walking across the room with the computer.}



HONSTLAR: What are you doing, Gfd-2?

''{Gfd-2 stops and turns back toward the BODH. He smiles at them, then redirects the force field to himself.}''

HONSTLAR: What are you doing, Gfd-2?!

-2: {smiling} Don't... don't worry about me. I'll be fine. {his voice starts breaking} I'm not really alive anyway, right?

{The rest of the good guys spread out and run to different parts of the room in desperation.}

HONSTLAR: No, no! Over here! Move the force field this way!

EDITED VIDEO GREG: No, to me! This way!

STOM: Don't do it! Redirect it here!

-2: Hey, original me... uh, take care of the rest of 'em, 'kay?

HONSTLAR: Someone do something!

-2: Goodbye. Dooj.

{The force field explodes.}

HONSTLAR: NOOO!! Sketchy Garbles! I tolerated you even slightly more than regular Garbles!

SRMX12: NOOO!! He just blew up my computer!

{Cut to Grindolo in the cave, demanding the Golden Fedora.}

PAST GRINDOLO: Give it to me. With his hat, I will finally be able to exact my revenge.

PAST HONSTLAR: On me or Xar'ak?

PAST GRINDOLO: X&mdash; Xar'ak, of course.

PAST HONSTLAR: All right.

DEAN: What are you doing?! He's trying to kill us!

{Honstlar hesitates for a moment, then hands the Fedora to Grindolo, who takes it and puts it on.}

DEAN: NO!

{The ominous music swells...}

PAST GRINDOLO: {menacingly} I... I wish...

{Cut back to the evil half of the BODH.}



SRMX12: We all make mistakes. {threateningly} This is the last they'll ever make.

He did what he thought was right, and maybe that&mdash;

SRMX12: &mdash;will be their downfall? I agree. Let's kill them.



ZASCUB: Your clone was a good guy. They do dumb stuff in the name of what's right, as if that means anything.

I was a good guy. We all were. That means... that's what I would've done if I was in that situation.

ZASCUB: What's your point?

We were good and did good things for our entire lives, and on our way to save the universe, the bad guy shows us some stuff and we immediately turn bad without hesitation? If we were ourselves, we wouldn't be doing this.

SRMX12: You're saying we should turn good again?

I mean, kinda. We were good before, and the only reason we're evil now is because that's what Xar'ak wants.

SRMX12: But I like being evil better.

That's exactly my point! It doesn't matter what feels better to you, it just matters what's better for everyone else. Would you rather be free, or suffer for eternity?

RABITE: Be free, I guess.

Don't you see? This isn't us!

RABITE: But... it feels weird... I mean, you can't expect us to turn good instantly, right? Xar'ak changed my mind, and now... it feels like I've been evil my whole life, if that makes sense. Turning good feels counter to everything I feel.

Those are Xar'ak's feelings. Fight it.

{Cut to the good guys watching from afar.}

EDITED VIDEO GREG: I'm not sure whether to applaud the character development or roll my eyes from the cheesiness. This whole scene feels like a sappy drama.

{Cut to the bad guys as they start walking toward the good guys.}

RABITE: I don't want anyone controlling what I think... so... I guess I'm g&mdash; {cough} good now?

COACH E: So am I. I want to be me, not someone else.

SRMX12: This is tough. It's like my whole world is being flipped upside down. But... {sigh} I was good before, so... I guess I'll be good again now. Ugh, it feels so weird saying that out loud.

ZASCUB: Me too.



{Everyone nods hesitantly.}



''{Suddenly, the former bad guys stop in their tracks again, as if on cue. After a second, they start blinking and looking around, dazed.}''

Was I evil?

SRMX12: I think so. That was weird.

ZASCUB: We turned good again, though, right?



HONSTLAR: Just to be clear... you're all yourselves? Like one hundred percent?

SRMX12: If my guesses are correct, Xar'ak's hold on our minds must've weakened when we turned against him. And then he let go, reverting us to our normal selves. And now my memory is somewhat fuzzy. Sorry if I tried to kill you guys or anything.

HONSTLAR: It's fine. It wasn't you.

SRMX12: That's the thing, though... it was me. Remember? I told you he wasn't controlling us. He influenced us, but that's all. It was all me. I'm so sorry.

HONSTLAR: That's okay. I'm just glad to have you all back. We've endured physical trials, we faced our fears, and we fought each other, and all that's left is the destroying the third and final element.

{They walk toward the end of the room.}

Act 3: The Finale
''{Cut to Xar'ak's throne, with the final element floating above it. The BODH walks up to it.}''

HONSTLAR: There it is. We're here at last. All we need to do is crush that thing to bits, and all our troubles will be over!



HONSTLAR: Okay, most of our troubles will be over.

SUME: Including this movie!

SRMX12: That's right! Go forth, Honstlar! Destroy the element, kill Xar'ak, save the universe, and end this film, once and for all!

''{Hopeful music plays. Honstlar steps toward the throne. He climbs to the top, and grabs the element.}''

HONSTLAR: Let's finish this. {starts to break the element} Goodbye, Xar'ak!

{The music shifts to a more ominous tune.}

XAR'AK: {echoey voiceover} How childish of you to assume you could best me so easily.

{Startled, Honstlar screams and falls off the throne, leaving the element in its former place.}

HONSTLAR: Was&mdash; was that Xar'ak? Does he know we're here?!

STOM: Honstlar! Get that element again and destroy it! Quick!

{A portal opens and Xar'ak steps out, closing the portal behind him.}

XAR'AK: That won't be necessary. I am perfectly capable of destroying the element myself.

EDITED VIDEO GREG: Yeah? Well, the only thing between us and victory is that element. If we destroy it, you're gone for good.

XAR'AK: Foolish Gregory. If only it were that simple.

COACH E: What do you mean?

XAR'AK: What I mean is... your entire quest has been for nothing.

''{Xar'ak grabs the element and holds it in his open hand. He clenches his fist, crushing the element and causing an explosion of red energy. He opens his hand and the tiny remains of the element fall onto the ground.}''

You just destroyed yourself! That's hilarious!

SUME: Uh, Gfd, he's still alive.

Any second now... {pause} Come on...

RABITE: {to Xar'ak} Why are you still here? You destroyed the last element! That should have killed you!

XAR'AK: You simple-minded mortals did not truly believe I could be defeated by three puny crystals, did you?

Aaaand 3, 2, 1, now! {pause} Wait, wait, now! What about now?

STOM: {to Xar'ak} Homsar told us they could destroy you! And he's, like, super smart and stuff!

XAR'AK: Those so-called "elements" were naught but colored plastic.

I mean, tasted plastic!

XAR'AK: I placed them in this dimension and spread those lies simply for the purpose of frustrating those who wished to vanquish me. I wanted to give those fools the faintest glimpse of hope before they realized the error of their ways, and were wiped out of existence.

EDITED VIDEO GREG: That's just cruel, man.

STOM: We came all this way for no reason at all?!

XAR'AK: Indeed. Not to mention, your efforts to save Earth are now hopeless.

{Honstlar looks around nervously.}

SUME: Yeah, right. We're going to tear you to shreds before you get the chance to take over our planet.

XAR'AK: That is not what I meant. Ask your "Supreme Overlord". Perhaps he knows something you do not.

HONSTLAR: What? No. I don't know anything, honestly.

{Xar'ak levitates a spike up to Honstlar's throat.}

XAR'AK: I was going to tell them myself, but I thought you could do the honors.

HONSTLAR: I... don't know what you're talking about.

{The spike moves closer, pressing against Honstlar's "neck".}

HONSTLAR: Ow. Okay, fine. Earth is, uh... kind of... you know, a little bit... gone, you see.

SUME: Um...? What's that supposed to mean?

RABITE: "A little bit gone"?

HONSTLAR: What I mean is... after you left the planet... Xar'ak kind of took over the place.

SUME: And by "the place" you mean...

HONSTLAR: The, uh, planet.

RABITE: NO!! That can't be true!

EDITED VIDEO GREG: This is another trick, isn't it? Xar'ak is just trying to deceive us.

XAR'AK: Ah, denial. The mortal mind's futile defense against the harsh truth.

ZASCUB: What about Strong Bad? The Cheat? Pom Pom? All our friends? What happened to them?

XAR'AK: They're suffering eternally, I'm afraid, along with 61.7% of the universe's population. And soon, 100%.

COACH E: {visibly angry} Honstlar... {her voice breaks} is this true?

HONSTLAR: {closes his eyes and clears his throat} Pretty... pretty much, yeah.

COACH E: {hurt and betrayed} Why? Why would you lie to us?!

HONSTLAR: {turns away} I... I thought you guys would give up if I told you. I just wanted to get revenge. By any means necessary.

COACH E: Don't say that! We wouldn't give up. Even though Earth is... {sniff} not the same, there's still hundreds of planets we can save.

HONSTLAR: Really? Y&mdash; you're not just in it to save Earth?

COACH E: Of course not. There are seven billion people on Earth, sure, but we can save trillions more.

RABITE: I was afraid to go on this quest thing, but you know why I did it? Because I was motivated by the people around me. Strong Sad... Bubs... even Coach Z, almost... I didn't want to see them suffer. And I knew that, out there in the cosmos, there are innocent people living happy lives, and they would be forced into an eternity of pain if I didn't intervene. That's why I came. To help people.

HONSTLAR: I... {pauses and sighs; speaking in a strained voice} I'm sorry... {breaks down} I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have... {sniff} I should... I...

COACH E: Honstlar! It's okay... it'll be okay.

{Everyone walks over to comfort Honstlar.}

EDITED VIDEO GREG: Hey, I totally get it. I'm sure I would have made the same mistake if I saw my planet going up in flames. Don't beat yourself up.

You should be proud you made it this far.

SRMX12: That's right. One small mistake is hardly our biggest priority right now.

STOM: Yeah, we should be focusing on more important matters. Like how are we going to defeat Xar'ak?

EDITED VIDEO GREG: There must be something we can do. Not sure what, though.

''{Gfd walks behind him and tries to perform a sneak attack, but Xar'ak throws a fireball at him without even looking. Stom shoots a beam of waffles out of his waffle maker, but Xar'ak creates a portal that sends the waffles back to Stom, knocking him backward.}''

XAR'AK: Pathetic. Nine weak club members versus an all-powerful, eternal being. You have no chance of victory.

I've eaten entire realities.

STOM: I can make enough waffles to almost satisfy Gfd's appetite.

EDITED VIDEO GREG: I can blink really well.

ZASCUB: Sometimes stuff coincidentally happens when I press the buttons on my remote thing.

SRMX12: I have a bit of coding experience.

SUME: I'm a half-decent janitor.

RABITE: I can draw a couple things.

HONSTLAR: I'm their leader.

COACH E: I'm just kind of a normal person.

We surrender!

HONSTLAR: Gfd, wait! We still have a chance. As long as there is good in the universe, you will never win, Xar'ak. Not in a million years.

XAR'AK: Truly inspiring, yet generic words. I hope you imbeciles realize I could obliterate you all in the blink of an eye. I'm only keeping you alive this long because I find your futile optimism amusing... and mildly infuriating.

SRMX12: The fate of the universe depends on our optimism.

XAR'AK: No, it does not. In fact, the universe is in no danger at all &mdash; after my victory, the universe will continue to exist for all eternity.

SRMX12: Yes, but all of its creatures will suffer. That's arguably worse than destruction.

That sounds kind of boring, honestly.

XAR'AK: I need not explain myself to mortals... but your courage is respectable, so I will give you the information you seek.

{A flashback begins, showing a dark gray void of nothingness.}

XAR'AK: {voiceover} Billions of years ago, when time first began, two entities were formed.

{Two blurry blobs appear, one white and one black.}

XAR'AK: {voiceover} One was a being of light and joy. The other was the darkness to balance it out. I was that darkness. At that time, there was no universe. No existence. No sight or sound. Just two formless beings, granted with the potential of infinite power. Until one day, the light learned how to harness its power into energy, and form that energy into matter. Countless ages later, he had created an atom.

{The light blob turns into an atom.}

XAR'AK: When he was done, he created another. And another.

{The atoms turn into shapes, eventually forming outer space.}

XAR'AK: Over time, he constructed molecules... planets... stars... galaxies. You know this being now as "the universe". He even created a physical form for himself, so he may walk amongst his creations.

{Cut back to the BODH.}

HONSTLAR: Who?

XAR'AK: His name is H&mdash; actually, that isn't important right now.

EDITED VIDEO GREG: This is some pretty deep mythology for a fan fiction script based on a funny Flash cartoon about dumb animal characters on the Internet.

SRMX12: Yeah, isn't this movie supposed to be like a comedy?

{slips on a banana peel} Whup! {falls to the ground}

COACH E: Ha ha ha ha.

ZASCUB: That's a good one.

XAR'AK: Please, let me continue...

{Cut to the dark blob in the dark gray void.}

XAR'AK: {voiceover} Meanwhile, I could not figure out how to use my power in the same way. I was cast out of the universe, forced to dwell in an endless abyss of nonexistence. I knew nothing but pain for 13,907,256 of your Earth years, and was driven to madness. But eventually, I too created an atom.

{The blob turns into an atom.}

XAR'AK: And over the millenia, I constructed my own universe, as well as a physical form.

{Xar'ak and the Dimension of Darkness appear.}

XAR'AK: Through this form, I was able to enter your universe, where I began to exact my revenge. Soon, all of existence will be mine, and every creature will experience the suffering I had endured for&mdash;

{Cut back to the BODH.}

Why did you choose a gross skull face man? Why didn't you choose something cool, like a parakeet with robot arms? Or a flamingo-headed ball of wax that shoots ranch dressing from both elbows? Or sentient donut gla&mdash;

XAR'AK: You dare interrupt a cosmic entity with the power of a universe?!

{Xar'ak clenches his fist, causing Gfd's mouth to disappear.}



XAR'AK: Much better.

EDITED VIDEO GREG: It sure is. I've been wishing for that to happen for years now.

SUME: I've just about had enough of this freak. Let's fight.

HONSTLAR: How do you suggest we do that? He's basically an entire universe in spooky ghost form.

XAR'AK: I suppose I will be merciful for the time being. Instead of fighting me... I will let you fight my personal army.

{Xar'ak raises his arms, and a massive army of ghostly minions appears behind him.}

STOM: I'm not sure if that's better or worse.

XAR'AK: I assure you, it's infinitely better. These minions only use the smallest fraction of my power. Although that may be enough to destroy you. We shall see.

{The BODH and the ghost army charge toward each other.}

HONSTLAR: Take this! {kicks a ghost, but gets knocked back}

{A ghost punches Rabite and Zascub, simultaneously blasting away Gfd.}

I got hurt so bad, my mouth conveniently reappeared!

EDITED VIDEO GREG: Aw, I was enjoying the peace and quiet.

{Stom throws waffles at a ghost, but the ghost uses a force field to block them, and zaps Stom with electricity.}

STOM: Ow, my waffles!

''{Sume hits the ghost with her mop, but the mop snaps in half. The ghost picks up half, and knocks her unconscious with it.}''

COACH E: Sume!

''{The BODH is now injured and weak, lying on the cold ground in pain. The music descends into a sad tune.}''

HONSTLAR: {out of breath} I'm... sorry. We can't win this. We don't stand a chance.

We came all this way...

HONSTLAR: We can't. They're too strong... I... I give up.

COACH E: No! Honstlar, don't do this! Our very reality is at stake!

HONSTLAR: I know, but is there any way we can stop him?

{Long silence.}

HONSTLAR: That's what I thought. There's nothing we can do.

RABITE: No... this can't be it.

HONSTLAR: It is. This battle... is finished.

''{They rest, defeated, accepting their inevitable fate. The ghosts charge to finish them off. Suddenly, a faint glow is seen reflected on their faces. They open their eyes. They look at the source of the light, and slowly get up. The music turns optimistic and anticipatory.}''

''{The BODH, bruised and battered, begins limping across the battlefield toward the glowing light. The light grows bigger and turns a variety of colors. They look at it with confusion and surprise, and a glimmer of hopefulness. The colors begin to swirl. The music slowly intensifies and becomes faster. It turns into a bright, colorful portal.}''

''{The music turns into a hopeful, triumphant symphony as the B-est Team walks through the portal with weapons and cool poses, prepared to fight. A fedora-wearing Grindolo stands in front of them.}''

HONSTLAR: YES!!

PAST HONSTLAR: {to Grindolo} That's a big army. Are you sure this is going to help?

PAST GRINDOLO: Do you really think that this is all that I wished for?

''{The music fades out as another portal appears. Footsteps are heard, becoming louder as the steps draw closer. The silhouetted figure steps into the light...}''

SENOR CARDGAGE: On your lest.

{Next, Strong Bad and The Cheat walk out.}

STRONG BAD: Just you watch, The Cheat. Some day I'm gonna be the one walking out of portals and saying "on your lest".

''{The hopeful music slowly turns into the main Homestar Runner theme. More portals begin to open, and dozens of characters walk out.}''

EDITED VIDEO GREG: Why does this scene feel plagiarized?

This is the coolest moment in history!

''{All of the villains from the beginning of the movie walk out of a portal to face down the ghosts. The Pretender is wearing a new giant mecha robot suit that towers over everyone else, and the Cleanser Geek is in her giant Monstrous Geek form from. Master GD is accompanied by an army of Stinkoman 20X6 enemies.}''

RALTSNOH OMEGA: You defeated our opposites, huh? Logically, that means we'll defeat you.

TAPPATOK: The personification of all evil is no match for the forces of Tappatok.

JIMLEY: My name is still Jimley!

MASTER GD: Taking over Planet K is my job. Looks like you're about to be unemployed.

{Obscure BODH side characters appear from another portal.}

HANDY: {holding Boobtube in a fishbowl} This goldfish will be the end of you!

VIDELECTRIX OLAF: Jag är den senaste!

JONNY FARK: Whatever that guy said!

JAMTOWNE GREGGERLY: Jorn, did you just walk through a portal to another dimension?

JORN GARNDLE: I sure did.

{Some secondary Homestar Runner characters walk out of another portal.}

MARSHIE: You can't destroy me!

DRIVE-THRU WHALE: {flying in with a flame repulsor} A horrible death is 15% off with purchases of over five quarters.

GRAPE-NUTS ROBOT: Now spell, "Face the wrath of the Grape-Nuts Robot."

FOLLY: And the&mdash; and then it's like... we all come out of the portals and beat you guys up.

JIBBLIES PAINTING: Your ghost army doesn't scare me. Come on in heeere and I'll show you what's what!

THE SAD GIRL: Let's.

THE SAD BOY: Fight.

{The Paper comes down, reading "Bring it on!"}

{The Old-Timey characters come out of another portal.}

THE HOMESTAR RUNNER: Those monsters don't give me nightmares, no sir.

MR. SHMALLOW: Look lively, everyone.

RUMBLE RED: Are you ready to rumble, rumble?

{The 20X6 characters come out of another portal.}

STICKLYMAN: {pointing at Stinkoman in the first portal} Hey, isn't that the guy?

1-UP: Today, Sticklyman... we are all the guy.

{Yonder Website characters walk out of another portal.}

NARRATOR STRONG BAD: Why, take a look! The cartoon characters have come to beat these ghosts to a bloody pulp, that's right.

{The storybook characters fly out of another portal, all riding The Fat Bee.}

MR. BLAND: Okay. This is going to go really well.

SEÑOR: Oh no, boy... you're going to have a little trouble!

TINY-HANDED STRONG BAD: "Please be so kind as to remove your presence from my general vicinity,"

NARRATOR STRONG BAD: speakmouthed Strong Bad of the Tiny-Hand Clan.

{Teen Girl Squad characters come out of another portal.}

OLDA BOY 1: I miss video games.

OLDA BOY 2: I miss my planet not being tortured.

MIGHTY WARRIOR: An Earth ravaged by a mighty warrior is no place for anyone!

MANOLIOS UGLY ONE: I gut you like three-fifths of an 8-Track, $119.95, or something like that.

NARRATOR STRONG BAD: {menacingly} Possuuums...

{Cheat Commandos come out of another portal, backed up by an army of Green Helmets.}

REINFORCEMENTS: Hey, guys.

REYNOLD: I finally get to go on a mission!

BLUE LASER COMMANDER: I just hate you ghosts so much!

REYNOLD'S BROTHER: Yeah, you're all so lame.

{Sweet Cuppin' Cakes characters come out of another portal.}

SHERLOCK: {mumbles}

'''EH! STEVE!:''' Eh! Steve!

THE WHEELCHAIR: I'm traipsing you down, ghosties! You better watch your back 'round high noooon!!

THE WORM: CEASE DOMINION OF UNIVERSE.

{Limozeen characters come out of another portal, accompanied by the Space Machine.}

TEEG DOUGLAND: I've got some good news, boys. It seems we outnumber the ghosts now.

BOZAR: How do you expect to take over the universe after I turn your army into various foreign pastries?

{Strong Badman characters come out of another portal.}

THE DEUTSCH MASTER: Soon, you will be finished, just like my latest masterpiece! {holds up the Painting of a Guy Holding a Big Knife}

PAINTING OF A GUY HOLDING A BIG KNIFE: I'm here too.

PORTRAIT-OF-A-CATMAN: Meow peow!

{Cut to the B-est Team at the front of the army.}

PAST HONSTLAR: How... how many characters did you wish for?!

PAST GRINDOLO: Everybody...

''{Zoom in to Grindolo. The music stops.}''

PAST GRINDOLO: Everybody.

''{Silence. Millions of footsteps are heard. The steps echo throughout the room. They grow louder, until suddenly, every single character breaks through the portals. The portals multiply beyond the walls of the room, breaking through them and destroying the castle. The debris falls to the ground. A symphonic rendition of the Homestar Runner theme blasts full-force, as the singers cheer "Everybody! Everybody!". The army charges, ready to face the ghosts.}''

XAR'AK: Impressive, Grindolo. I didn't know you had it in you.

{The portals begin to shake.}

PAST GRINDOLO: What's going on?

PAST SRMX12: You've opened up too many four-dimensional space-time rifts for the universe to handle! The portals are becoming unstable!

{The army begins being pulled into different portals.}

PAST SRMX12: The gravitational pull is too strong! It's sucking us in!

{Eventually, everyone is sucked up except Xar'ak and his minions.}

MINION: What now, master?

XAR'AK: Go, my minions. Exterminate those pests.

MINION: Sir, they outnumber us now.

XAR'AK: Then I will even the odds. In fact... I'll make you perfectly equal.

''{Cut to black. Fade in to a blurred gray background.}''

HONSTLAR: {voiceover} Ugh, my head...

''{The scene is shown through Honstlar's eyes. He sits up and blinks a few times, clearing his vision to reveal the Old-Timey Field, full of various Homestar Runner characters lying on the ground. He looks left and right.}''

HONSTLAR: {voiceover} Old-Timey Land? How'd we end up here?

SRMX12: The portals must've sent us all to random places throughout space and time.

HONSTLAR: {voiceover} Where's Gfd?

Next to the futuristic buildings.

HONSTLAR: {voiceover} Futuristic buildings? In 1936?

{He turns his head, revealing Planet K.}

HONSTLAR: {voiceover} What is this? A combination of 20X6 and 1936?

SRMX12: It's a lot more than that.

''{Honstlar stands up. He looks over at Sweet Cuppin' Cakes, then turns his head to Peasantry. He looks around at all the different universes.}''

{Cut to a regular shot, no longer seen through Honstlar's eyes.}

HONSTLAR: We're... everywhere.

SRMX12: Those portals must've torn up reality pretty bad. It's like we're standing in the middle of one giant mega-portal or something. It's a combination of every universe.

HONSTLAR: Cool. Now what?

{Sinister, eerie music plays as an equally large army of Homestar Runner characters walks out of the portals, with the same colors as the ghost minions, all dark gray with glowing red eyes.}

HONSTLAR: Wait, are you the ghost guys we were fighting earlier?

DARK HONSTLAR: Indeed. The almighty Xar'ak made our army equal to yours &mdash; equal in every way. You cannot stop us.

{The good guy army gets up and walks out of their separate universes, banding together to face down the bad guys.}

HONSTLAR: Not if we have anything to say about it.

''{Cut to a wide shot spinning around the two gargantuan armies, spread out across the multitude of universes. Both sides wait for the other to make the first move.}''

''{Cut to the good guys' army. Someone steps to the front of the crowd. This silhouetted figure walks out toward the center of the battlefield, where all the universes converge. He steps onto a soapbox reading "EIGHTEEN THIS TIME". A spotlight shines on him, revealing him to be Homestar Runner. He takes an orange bowl and places it on his head. He holds up a spoon. He turns toward the good guys as inspiring music plays.}''

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Are you sick and tired of being tortured by a weird cloakèd skullman and his cool ghosties?

ALL: YEAH!

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Are you ready to fight alongside your Colonel {pronounced phonetically} and give your five bucks to the Homestarmy if it comes to that?

ALL: YEAH!!

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Do you wanna end his reign of terror and save the one-third of the planets he hasn't taken over yet?

''{Silence. Cut to the army}''

STRONG SAD: Oh, sorry. We didn't know you were done.

ALL: YEAH!!

HOMESTAR RUNNER: All right then, maggots! Let's get out there and punch some serious ghost-face! Company... march!

''{The army begins slowly marching toward the bad guys. The bad guys follow suit. Cut to an extreme wide shot, to a slow zoom in to Homestar.}''

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Homestarmy... charge!!

GUNHAVER: ROCK, ROCK ON!

''{The music blares in anticipation. The Homestarmy and the Xar'my charge toward each other. The massive armies finally clash and battle for the fate of the universe in a spectacle of unseen proportions.}''

''{The camera pans through the battlefield. The Green Helmets hide in trenches and shoot laser beams. The Kerrek pounds his opponents into the ground. Dijjery Doo uses his tooth to pop Tim Tom. The Knight sets the Multi-Function Dragon to "instant death". Thomas hits Moses Malones's knees with a bat. The Mighty Warrior faces off against the Corn Army. A Postlethwaite electrocutes the birds from Teen Girl Squad. Don Knotts shows up.}''

{Cut to Honstlar and Dean, fighting off swarms of bad guys back to back in the center of the universes.}

HONSTLAR: {to Dean} How did you get here? Why are there clones of us? Why do you have the Golden Fedora? Why is Grindolo alive? Why is he fighting with you guys? What's going on?

DEAN: Time travel.

HONSTLAR: That's awesome. All we did was run around this boring dimension, going through a whole buncha tedious challenges.

STINKOMAN: {flies onscreen with his robot boots} Did someone just ASK FOR A CHALLEEENGE?

HONSTLAR: Uh, yeah, those bad guys over there asked for several challenges. Go fight 'em.

PAST HONSTLAR: Hey there, well-drawn future self. It's me, your past self! What's happened since 2016?

HONSTLAR: Not much. I mean, I started a club...

PAST HONSTLAR: Neat.

HONSTLAR: I went on some adventures...

PAST HONSTLAR: Cool.

HONSTLAR: I travelled back in time a few minutes so I could enter the dimension of the personification of evil, who also happens to be the the father of my immortal mortal enemy, the evil spirit of an ancient warlock I accidentally freed from a cave when I travelled across time and space to find a magic hat, who has recently been killed by the aforementioned personification of evil but whose past self I happen to currently be fighting alongside...

PAST HONSTLAR: Uh-huh.

HONSTLAR: So yeah, not much.

PAST HONSTLAR: That's nice. I met some people from the future, then travelled through universes to gather a team to fight an ancient evil spirit, in order to prevent another ancient evil spirit from taking over the planet in the future, until the first evil spirit I mentioned transported us to another dimension and summoned an army of everyone in the universe, which I am now fighting with inside every universe at once, against dark clones of everyone.

HONSTLAR: Huh.

PAST HONSTLAR: Also, last month I ate a really good sandwich.

HONSTLAR: Seriously?! That's awesome!!

PAST : Hey me! I mean future me! What's the future like? Flying cars? Robot butlers? Robot muskrats? Flying buildings? Robot flying butler muskrats?

And you're a more interesting character with a funnier, more layered personality.

PAST : Cool. Say, what's your pizza-eating record?

I once ate every pizza on Earth, and then some, in two seconds.

PAST : {shocked} Buh... wh&mdash; seriously?! How?! My record is fifteen per minute.

For instance... there is more to life than pizza.

PAST : What are you teekin' 'bot?

Concrete, maggots, antimatter, you name it.

PAST : You ate those?

I'm tellin' you, you're not even close to your potential. I've eaten universes. Without chewing.

PAST : {in awe} Teach me your ways.

I mean, I did. And you're me, so... it should be no problem for you. I mean me. I mean whatever.

PAST : That sounds awesome. Let's practice on these evil clone types.

{The two Gfds work together to eat the bad guys.}

SRMX12: Uh, excuse me, past self, but... my computer was kind of blown up in the scuffle a few minutes ago.

PAST SRMX12: Makes sense. It was bound to happen at some point. It's a rite of passage for computational devices, it seems.

SRMX12: I don't suppose you'd let me borrow yours, would you?

PAST SRMX12: That would be sufficient payment for keeping me alive this far in the future. Here you go. {gives SRMX12 the Prisma One}

EDITED VIDEO GREG: Hey, old Greg...

PAST EDITED VIDEO GREG: You're old Greg.

EDITED VIDEO GREG: Right. I'm older. I meant... you know, the old Greg. The Greg from before.

PAST EDITED VIDEO GREG: Yeah?

EDITED VIDEO GREG: My sketchbook was destroyed in that battle too. Lemme have yours.

PAST EDITED VIDEO GREG: No.

EDITED VIDEO GREG: Pleeease? I'll pay you everything I have! {hands his past self some money}

PAST EDITED VIDEO GREG: Hmm, I demand a bit more than that.

EDITED VIDEO GREG: This is all the cash I've got!

PAST EDITED VIDEO GREG: {takes the money} Not anymore. It's mine now, which means when I'm you, you'll have it. Which means you should still have this exact money in your pocket.

EDITED VIDEO GREG: {repeatedly gives his past self handfuls of money as they suddenly appear in his pockets} Wait, is this counterfeit?

PAST EDITED VIDEO GREG: The law doesn't take time duplicates into consideration, so I think we're good. Return this when you're done. {hands Greg the sketchbook}

EDITED VIDEO GREG: Thank you, kind youngster. This will really turn the tide of the battle.



HONSTLAR: Morphing into the Power Helmets?



{The BODH morph into their Power Helmet forms.}

RABITE: This is cool, but are you sure it'll be enough?

HONSTLAR: What are you talking about? We're the Power Helmets, aren't we? We have superpowers now!

COACH E: Superpowers... that's it.



COACH E: We could find a Superium Orb and activate our superhero forms. That could make us even more powerful!

HONSTLAR: But how do we expect to find a powerful object in a mishmash of every universe combined?

SRMX12: This isn't the first time we've been in this predicament.



SRMX12: Don't you remember? There was that one episode where the Game Boy in a blender sent us to a plane of existence where every weird spin-off universe exists simultaneously.

STOM: Doesn't ring a bell.

SRMX12: Master GD asked us to locate a crystal shard, so we tracked it down using the Cheat Commandos Energy Tracking Tank. Unfortunately it turned out to be a trap, but still, it worked at least.

EDITED VIDEO GREG: You're saying we should use the tank again?

SRMX12: I don't see why not. We've got an entire multiverse at our disposal. A Superium Orb is bound to be around here somewhere.

{Cut to the BODH riding in the Cheat Commandos Energy Tracking Tank.}

CHEAT COMMANDOS SINGERS: {singing} Energy Tracking Tank! For radioactive heat waves! 'Least, I think that's how it works! Energy Tracking Tank! Always great for the crystals! Buy all our playsets and toys!

EDITED VIDEO GREG: That's the same song as last time. Such lazy writing.

SUME: I know. They didn't even bother to change the "crystals" line. We're finding an orb now.

{Dark Trogdor looms over the tank ominously.}

RABITE: {looking up} Uh, guys? I think we might be in grave danger.

EDITED VIDEO GREG: I'm on it.

{Dark Trogdor tries to burninate the tank, but EDITED Video Greg draws a shield and deflects the flames.}

EDITED VIDEO GREG: That was awesome.

{Rather Dashing, accompanied by an army of knights and archers, runs alongside the tank.}

RATHER DASHING: Pardon me, sketchy lad. May we borrow that shield? It'll come in handy conquering the Burninator.

EDITED VIDEO GREG: Sure, why not. {tosses the shield to Rather Dashing}

{Another group of characters approaches the tank.}

THE HOMESTAR RUNNER: Howdy, mister. There's a giant monster trampling our crops over t'wards the eastern direction.

STRONG SAD: We need a bowl of kashi to revert Dark King Bubsgonzola Supreme back to his regular form!

EDITED VIDEO GREG: Sure thing. {starts drawing} Uh... but I'll need payment of at least five bucks.

{Strong Sad exchanges a five dollar bill for a bowl of kashi.}

EDITED VIDEO GREG: This is great! I could make a business out of this!

ARSENE VIDEO GREG: What, you want to become an arms dealer now?



{The tank drives through the Powered by the Cheat universe.}

COACH E: There's the Superium Orb!

''{The tank stops and everyone gets out. A bunch of evil Powered by The Cheat characters block the path.}''

DARK MAGGOT MAN: You're too late! We'll get the orb and become unstoppable!

''{Dark Baby Styles dances with affirmative music. Dark Tentacle Skull nods.}''

HONSTLAR: Looks like you need to be kicked in the face...

CRACKOTAGE: And you've come to just the right place!

HONSTLAR: Hey, no rhyming.

{Cut to a close-up of Honstlar with an angry expression.}

HONSTLAR: I can do it. I will do it nine times.

''{Honstlar jumps up and kicks Dark Powered by The Cheat Homestar in the face nine times. He takes the orb and runs toward the BODH. It explodes in a cloud of dust.}''

We got our superpowers back!

HONSTLAR: Wait. Something feels different.

SUME: How?

HONSTLAR: I feel... stronger.

''{The dust clears. The gang is now wearing their superhero outfits over their Power Helmet forms.}''

HONSTLAR: Whoa! We've merged our Power Helmet and superhero forms!

SRMX12: The Superium power from the orb must've bonded with the energy present in our Power Helmet costumes!

HONSTLAR: There's no more Power Helmets... no more Helmet Squad. We have become...

ALL: THE POWER HELMET SQUAD!

HONSTLAR: Because our two forms have merged, this must mean we can use our Helmet Squad powers without having to track down an orb. Just like our old Power Helmet powers, we can now become superheroes on command!

SRMX12: That's the nerdiest sentence I've heard all day, and I love it!

PAST GRINDOLO: {offscreen} Hey!

{Grindolo runs onscreen, out of breath.}

PAST GRINDOLO: Hey, guys. You have superpowers now?

HONSTLAR: Yeah. Why?

PAST GRINDOLO: Well, uh... this is kind of embarrassing, but... do any of you have the power of flight, by any chance?

HONSTLAR: I do.

PAST GRINDOLO: That's great, 'cause, uh... I kinda need your help.

HONSTLAR: I call shenanigans. Grindolo would never ask for my help.

PAST GRINDOLO: I'm not the same Grindolo you know. I'm from the past, remember? Plus, we're kinda both on the same side right now.

HONSTLAR: Right. What do you need?

PAST GRINDOLO: Xar'ak closed all the portals to his dimension. All except one. The last portal is miles above the battlefield, and I can't fly up there on my own.

HONSTLAR: You want me to carry you to Xar'ak?

PAST GRINDOLO: I'd really prefer it if you didn't phrase it that way. But yes.

HONSTLAR: You're serious? No tricks? No evil plans up your sleeve?

PAST GRINDOLO: Look, I barely know who you are. I just met your past self a few minutes ago. Why would I betray someone I haven't even become enemies with yet?

HONSTLAR: Good point. Hold on.

{Grindolo grabs onto Honstlar as the latter flies off.}



HOMESTAR RUNNER: Two breads in a biscuit, I tell ya.

{Cut to Honstlar and Grindolo flying up.}

HONSTLAR: So why can't you fly up here yourself? You're a ghost. You're always levitating above the ground. Just levitate higher.

PAST GRINDOLO: It's not that simple. You wouldn't understand.

HONSTLAR: Yes, I would. Tell me. Prove that this isn't just a trap.

PAST GRINDOLO: Fine. I used to have a physical body... until your ancestor destroyed it five hundred years ago. And... well, it's been tough without it. Having no corporeal form, forced to survive on my magic alone... I'm still not used to being a ghost. So I use a bit of my magic to borrow space... to become a physical entity, in a sense. Not a full body like before, but at least I'm capable of touching and holding things without the use of magic. That's how I'm holding onto you now. If I was 100% ghost, I'd be completely intangible.

HONSTLAR: What does that have to do with anything?

PAST GRINDOLO: Like any other object, this fake form carries weight. I can't levitate too far above the ground. To defy the laws of gravity, I'd have to discard this form entirely, and... {shudders} I don't... I don't want to go through that again...

HONSTLAR: Wow. So you don't want to fly because you're afraid of becoming full ghost. That's some interesting character development there. Didn't know you were that nuanced.

PAST GRINDOLO: What, you thought I was just a generic villain? I have hopes, fears, motivations, the whole shebang.

HONSTLAR: So... why are you evil then?

PAST GRINDOLO: Rage. Vengeance, mostly. Actually... why am I even telling you this? I was gonna kill you as soon as we get up there.

HONSTLAR: Figures.

{Cut to EDITED Video Greg sitting at a storefront in the center of the battlefield.}

EDITED VIDEO GREG: Get your weapons here! Fresh outta the sketchbook! Anything you desire!

{A line begins to form.}

FAT DUDLEY: {musical noises}

EDITED VIDEO GREG: {drawing} Excellent choice, good sir. {takes a giant space bazooka out of the book} That'll be $500.

''{Fat Dudley pays and leaves. Character 5 enters.}''

CHARACTER 5: Bobbobbobbobbabbobbabbob.

EDITED VIDEO GREG: A machete, eh?

{A Strong Sad sketch pops up from the corner of the screen.}

TEEN GIRL SQUAD STRONG SAD: Machété!

EDITED VIDEO GREG: Shut up!

{Teen Girl Squad Strong Sad turns away sadly.}

{Cut to Strong Sad and The Homestar Runner fighting Dark King Bubsgonzola Supreme in Sweet Cuppin' Cakes land.}

STRONG SAD: He's not eating the kashi! How do we stop this menace?

{Bubs walks in.}

BUBS: Howdy, characters! You seen my onion self anywhere? {holds his arm to the ground} Yellow, about yay high?

STRONG SAD: I can't say I have. But we could really use your help here.

BUBS: You need me to fight a giant version of myself? Say no more!

STRONG SAD: Thanks, that really means a l&mdash;

BUBS: I said say no more!!

''{Bubs runs over to the French toilet from Teen Girl Squad Issue 13 and flushes himself down. Pause.}''

THE HOMESTAR RUNNER: Well, that didn't help.

''{Suddenly, Bubs bursts out of the toilet, now a hundred feet tall. He engages in fisticuffs with his giant self.}''

STRONG SAD: Ooh! Giant on giant brawl! That's a sight you don't see every day. This kind of thing only happens once a month, at most.

''{Cut to Homestar in Brainblow City, fending off baddies with his orange spoon. The spoon breaks.}''

HOMESTAR RUNNER: That's no good. {yelling} Strong Bad? Could use some help. I'm beginning to run out of spoons.

STRONG BAD: {runs onscreen, dodging Stlunko's stone fists} Why are you using a spoon anyway? Didn't that super-whatever orb give you superpowers?

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Oh yeah, I have some of those too.

{Homestar shapeshifts into a laser cannon and blasts everyone offscreen.}

STRONG BAD: Sweet.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: I know, right? I can transform into whatever I want as long as there's no contemporary jazz to turn me back to normal.

{Contemporary jazz plays.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Crap. {turns into his regular self}

STRONG BAD: Well, that sucks. If I were you, I'd hide somewhere safe until my powers recharge, or however that works.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Good idea. I'll avoid fighting until&mdash;

''{Homestar is spin-kicked in the face. Zoom out to reveal Dark Dangeresque Too.}''

DARK DANGERESQUE TOO: At this point, I'm fairly certain the pipes have ceased to exist.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Oh. Gad.

STRONG BAD: That guy is you.

{The rest of the Dangeresque characters walk onscreen.}

DARK DANGERESQUE: He ain't the only one.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Strong Bad, we're outlettered. What we gon' do?

STRONG BAD: We're outnumbered. Get it right.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Yeah, but since we're outnumbered, there are probably more letters in their collective names than in ours.

STRONG BAD: That makes sense.

{Dangeresque shoots at Strong Bad, and just narrowly misses.}

STRONG BAD: Look, now isn't the time to be learning the ABCs.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: What about the ABDs?

STRONG BAD: Not that, neither. We need to figure a way outta this jam.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {holds up a jar of peanut butter} Peanut butter? It goes quite good with jam.

STRONG BAD: Shut up, Homestar. Peanut butter won't help unless... I GOT IT!

HOMESTAR RUNNER: You got what?

STRONG BAD: Homestar, your endless stupidity has finally paid off! I created these characters, so all I have to do is&mdash; {narrowly dodges another bullet} Whew. Close one. {resumes speaking} All I have to do is make it so they have peanut butter allergies!

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Will that work?

STRONG BAD: I mean, it has to, right? These characters are straight outta my imagination. I just have to imagine 'em having a lethal allergic reaction to peanut butter.

DARK DANGERESQUE: You really think that dumb plan will work? I've been trained in the art of crooked coppery. I can deflect bullets with my toes, and dislocate my shoulderblades on command. I can't be killed by&mdash;

''{Homestar tosses the peanut butter at the Dangeresque characters. All of them immediately explode, except Dangergsgxgzgdrc Johnson.}''

STRONG BAD: The crap? Why aren't you allergic to peanut butter?

DARK DANGERGSGXGZGDRC JOHNSON: I wasn't created by you, I was created by Gfd. Your imagination doesn't affect me.

STRONG BAD: I never should've let that unpronouncable kid help with my movie.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: We should run.

''{They turn around to run away, but instead see a brick wall in front of them. Dangergsgxgzgdrc approaches them, cornering them against the wall.}''

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Gulp.

''{Cut to Xar'ak sitting in his destroyed throne room. He watches the battle through a portal, which Honstlar and Grindolo fly out of.}''

HONSTLAR: {out of breath} Phew. You need to lose some weight, man.

PAST GRINDOLO: I literally do not eat.

HONSTLAR: You tried working out? You must have some kind of magic fitness routine or something, right? 'Cause you're magic?

PAST GRINDOLO: I am a ghost. It is physically impossible for me to get any lighter.

HONSTLAR: All right, well, I just want you to know that I am never carrying you ever again. In fact, I'm gonna transform back into my regular self so I can get some rest. {morphs into his non-superpowered form}

PAST GRINDOLO: Really? You're... not going to go back down through the portal?

HONSTLAR: And fly all the way back down there? No way.

PAST GRINDOLO: Fine, I guess... but you know that'll just make this confrontation more awkward.

XAR'AK: Confrontation, you say?

PAST GRINDOLO: Yeah. I know you killed my future self. I'm here for... future revenge. I mean, technically that happened in the past... but it hasn't happened to me yet, so it's kind of in the future... whatever. You're going down.

XAR'AK: You seem awfully confident that I won't kill you for the second time today.

PAST GRINDOLO: Darn right you won't.

HONSTLAR: Oooh, this is gonna be good. {eats popcorn}

{Cut to the BODH atop Strong Badman's apartment, fighting off legions of flying baddies.}

SUME: So, I wasn't around for the original superpowers episode. What are my powers exactly?

ZASCUB: Yeah, me too.

SRMX12: Scanning for powers. {scans the two} Powers identified. Zascub, you can teleport.

ZASCUB: Really? {teleports a few feet away} Great times! I'll call myself... Teleporton! Is that like a superhero name kind of?

SRMX12: Sume, you can manipulate the size of objects.

SUME: You mean like this? {grabs a Chorch and shrinks it to the size of a bug} Neat. I can be, like, Megamicro. 'Cause I can make things mega or micro. I dunno, it's the best name I could come up with off the top of my head.

SRMX12: Sounds fine to me. {scans the area} My sensors detect a large group of enemies gathered in Peasantry.

ZASCUB: What, some kind of villain convention?

SRMX12: Perhaps. We shall see.

''{SRMX12 flies off toward Peasantry using his robot boots. The rest of the BODH stays behind.}''

RABITE: Hey, anyone seen Gfd lately?

''{Cut to Gfd using his superspeed to wipe out enemies at high velocity. Cut back to Strong Bad and Homestar, cowering in the corner from the evil version of Dangergsgxgzgdrc Johnson.}''

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Strong Bad?

STRONG BAD: Yeah?

HOMESTAR RUNNER: If we die today, I just want you to know... you're one of my favorite Brothers Strong. Like, second or third at least.

STRONG BAD: Yeah, that's great.

''{Suddenly, a blur passes by, and Strong Bad and Homestar disappear. Cut to Gfd dropping them off elsewhere.}''

You're welcome. {runs off}

STRONG BAD: Hey, wait&mdash;



STRONG BAD: You made up Dangergsgx&mdash; your Dangeresque character, right? Can you make it so he's allergic to peanut butter?



{Dark Dangergsgxgzgdrc Johnson walks onscreen.}

STRONG BAD: Oh, it's relevant, all right.

{concentrates for a moment} He's allergic to peanut butter now.

STRONG BAD: Awesome. Homestar, prepare the peanut butter.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: The jar is empty.

STRONG BAD: What?!

I may have finished the rest at superspeed.

DANGERGSGXGZGDRC JOHNSON: Ha ha! You fools. Your lack of peanut butter will be your downfall. I will emerge victori&mdash; {he begins breaking out in hives} Uh oh. {explodes}

STRONG BAD: What happened?

That seemed a lot more convenient.

{Cut back to Xar'ak and Grindolo in the throne room.}

XAR'AK: I had such high hopes for you, Grindolo. We've both suffered unfairly at the hands of the universe, have we not? Do you not agree that its inhabitants must suffer as we have?

PAST GRINDOLO: I don't care. I just want you dead... and Honstlar eventually... and I suppose world domination also sounds nice.

XAR'AK: I see. We are similar, you and I.

PAST GRINDOLO: That's not true at all.

XAR'AK: I was wronged by the universe, forced to dwell for eons in an empty void, and the only thing that will bring me satisfaction is to see its pitiful beings writhe in pain. You failed to take over Earth, and were trapped in a cave for centuries, and now you are taking out your anger on Honstlar and his planet.

PAST GRINDOLO: So?

XAR'AK: We were shaped by the same experiences. We have the same motivations. Even if you killed me, it would not make a difference &mdash; you would go on to continue my legacy.

PAST GRINDOLO: No... I... I hate you. We're nothing alike.

XAR'AK: Deny it as you may, there is no escaping the fact that we are one and the same.

HONSTLAR: {to Grindolo} I mean, he's kinda right. He takes over stuff, you take over stuff... there's definitely some family resemblance going on here.

PAST GRINDOLO: But... we're different. Xar'ak is way eviler than I am.

XAR'AK: Now you deny being evil?

PAST GRINDOLO: No, you keep misinterpreting everything. I'm super evil, but you're way more evil.

XAR'AK: I do not believe I am misinterpreting anything. If you believe yourself to be evil, why hold yourself back? Why set standards to keep you from achieving your full potential? There is conflict within you, I'm afraid &mdash; conflict you have yet to realize.

PAST GRINDOLO: Nope, no conflict here. I'm as evil as you can possibly be.

XAR'AK: And now you contradict yourself. You previously told me I was more evil than you, and yet you now claim to be as evil as one can be. You are in denial, I see.

PAST GRINDOLO: Pfft. Whatever. You can overanalyze my dialogue as much as you'd like, doesn't matter. You're going down. Did I already say that?

HONSTLAR: You did, yeah.

XAR'AK: You are confused. Uncertain of yourself. You do not want to follow in my footsteps, and yet your actions lead you down the same path. Are you on my side or are you not?

PAST GRINDOLO: I'm not.

XAR'AK: Then, I take it you do not want to continue my legacy?

PAST GRINDOLO: No.

XAR'AK: Therein lies your conflict &mdash; I've taught you the value of vengeance, the power that only rage can bring, and I've succeeded. That thirst for vengeance is now the core of your identity, as it is mine. You want to break free of my influence, and yet you cannot bring yourself to discard your identity, your purpose. I am amused by the irony.

PAST GRINDOLO: Shut up.

HONSTLAR: {to Grindolo} Is... is that true? Are you really conflicted? You don't have to be evil, you know. I'm not evil, and it's worked out pretty well for me so far.

PAST GRINDOLO: This guy is like a jillion years old, he's clearly delusional. I've always been evil, and... always will be.

XAR'AK: There is still time to join me. To leave behind this conflict and embrace the power of your rage. To become truly evil.

HONSTLAR: There's still time to leave behind Xar'ak's legacy. To rebel against everything he stands for. To become truly good.

PAST GRINDOLO: Ugh, you guys are ridiculous. I hate both of you. You can't convince me to do anything.

HONSTLAR: You hate Xar'ak, right? There's no point in killing him if you're just going to continue being the exact same person as him. But you know how you can really, really kill him? By abandoning his evil ways.

PAST GRINDOLO: Will you just shut up already? You're sounding, like, super preachy.

HONSTLAR: Sorry. It's probably not easy to write character development and poignant moments like this. In fact, now seems like a good time for another mindless action scene.

{Cut to King Bubsgonzola Supreme fighting his evil self.}

BUBS: {punching} Take this! And that! And... phew. I'm spent.

STRONG SAD: Already? You've only been fighting for a minute.

BUBS: You realize how much effort it takes to move a hundred-pound arm? I can hardly lift my eyelids. {shuts his eyes} Well, snap. There they go.

STRONG SAD: You have to succeed! Your evil counterpart has caused hundreds of casualties so far. Who knows the havoc it could wreak if it were to run rampant?

BUBS: {out of breath} Being giant is hard work. I need rest.

''{Bubs lies down. Dark King Bubsgonzola Supreme roars victoriously and marches off.}''

STRONG SAD: Come on. Should I get you some food? Having a snack might restore your energy.

BUBS: I don't know. I packed a lunchbox before I came through the portal, but at this point, I don't know if it'll even help.

STRONG SAD: A lunchbox? You mean the lunchbox your evil self is eating over there?

BUBS: Is it blue?

STRONG SAD: Yes.

BUBS: Does it say "BUBS" on it?

STRONG SAD: Looks like it.

BUBS: {worried} What's he eating?

STRONG SAD: Chicken wings.

''{Bubs's face becomes enraged and turns red. He gets up off the ground, standing off against his evil self.}''

DARK KING BUBSGONZOLA SUPREME: {roars}

BUBS: DON'T... EAT... MY... CHICKEN WINGS!!

{Bubs punches his evil self into the sky, who then disappears as a sparkle in the distance.}

STRONG SAD: Hey, you did it. I was fairly certain you had it in you.

BUBS: {shrinks back down to normal size} Thanks. There ain't no greater motivation than chicken wings, and don't let nobody tell you otherwise.

''{Cut to SRMX12 flying over the battlefield. He lands in Peasantry near the Dark Keepers of Trogdor.}''

SRMX12: Oh, so that's why my sensors detected evil over here. It was just you guys.

DARK YUBBITZ: "Just" us guys? I'll have you know, we have full control over the Burninator himself! His dark clone version, at least.

DARK CRANJEGG: But not right now. We can't find him in all this universe-merging chaos.

DARK CRANGOLEV: You have checked the region of tiles and pink spires, yesss?

DARK STONKLAR: Looked there, we have not.

DARK BROVELADE: We can find Dark Troggie later. For now let's focus on getting rid of this robotic pest. {whistles for help}

{Dark versions of the Grape Fairie, Bozar, and the Wireless Wizard appear out of thin air.}

DARK GRAPE FAIRIE: All right, youze morons, let's magic the crap outta this android.

DARK BOZAR: Say no more, my fellow wizard accomplice!

DARK WIRELESS WIZARD: I sense a severe lack of semicolons in his programming. Kill him!

DARK BRUNDO THE DECEMBERWEEN YAK: I'd help too, but I lost all my magics.

SRMX12: You think you're the only ones with backup?

''{SRMX12 sends out a signal to all the other robots on the battlefield. They band together to face down the wizards.}''

SRMX12: Now, let's see who wins... magic or technology?

DARK WIRELESS WIZARD: I'm betting five bucks on magic.

GRAPE-NUTS ROBOT: Now spell, "we'll see about that".

HUMIDIBOT: We're totally gonna blow you guys to smithereens! 'Cause I'm Humidibot!

ROBOT DARREN: Yeah, you guys are all syntax errors.

ANIMATRONIC STRONG BAD: Sit on a biscuit!

CHIZUKO: Welcome, American investor, to 2005 Consumer Robotics Show!

SMITHYBOT: Show them who's boss, little Beep Boop!

''{The robots and the wizards start battling. Cut to Sci-Fi Greg and D n' D Greg as they watch in awe.}''

SCI-FI GREG: Take it in. You'll never see a sight more jam-packed with pure awesome in your entire life.

D N' D GREG: Sometimes... wizards are so awesome... it hurts.

{Cut to Dark Bozar as he turns robots into various kinds of pasta.}

HUMIDIBOT: Hi! I'm Humidibot! I just wanted to let you know that I'm Humidib&mdash; {turns into rigatoni} Oh, well, not anymore.

{Cut to the storybook Robot facing against the Dark Grape Fairie.}

DARK GRAPE FAIRIE: All right, you take this.

{Dark Grape Fairie makes grapes appear over the Robot, but the Robot catches them and holds them up with ease.}

DARK GRAPE FAIRIE: Aw, crap.

{The Robot drops the grapes on the Grape Fairie, crushing his windpipe.}

{Visor Robot blasts through the Dark Keepers of Trogdor.}

DARK HEGELTHA: Anyone got the Disk of Healing?

DARK GALGABUDGE: I think I left it on the sofa back at the Trog-cave.

DARK HARDYBARDY: Why, you stupid&mdash; {gets voiped}

{All of the magicians have now been beaten, and the robots prevail.}

SRMX12: I believe someone owes me five bucks.

{Gfd swoops in at superspeed and slurps up some rigatoni.}



SRMX12: Um, I think you just ate Humidibot.



{Cut back to the throne room, where Xar'ak and Grindolo are fighting.}

XAR'AK: I've killed you before in a mere instant. I'm only going easy on you because&mdash;

PAST GRINDOLO: Because it's fun, I know. You say that all the time.

{Xar'ak sends Grindolo flying backward into the wall.}

PAST GRINDOLO: Oof. That's going to ache for a while. Honstlar, could really use your help over here.

HONSTLAR: {walks over} So you're willing to work with me, but not with Xar'ak?

PAST GRINDOLO: I guess, yeah. I hate Xar'ak a lot more.

HONSTLAR: I see. So that means you like good more than evil?

PAST GRINDOLO: Would you shut up? It doesn't matter whether I'm good or evil, I just do whatever I feel like.

HONSTLAR: Ahh, so now you're saying you're not evil. I get it. {winks}

PAST GRINDOLO: What? I'm just saying there's no point in defining my morality. Good, bad, 's all just words really.

HONSTLAR: Five minutes ago you said you were the evilest evil who ever eviled.

PAST GRINDOLO: I was obviously exaggerating.

{Xar'ak hits Grindolo with another blast.}

PAST GRINDOLO: Argh, right in the face. Will you help already?!

HONSTLAR: I'd love to, if there was anything I could do. I don't got no magic blasts or energy waves, what have you.

PAST GRINDOLO: Just go and distract him or whatever.

HONSTLAR: You really think that'll be an effective strategy against a jillion-year-old all-knowing spirit?

PAST GRINDOLO: Anything to keep you from lazing about.

HONSTLAR: All right, I'll do a distraction. {shouts} Hey, fleshless-face! You look like... um, some generic supervillain! And your face is dumb!

''{Xar'ak sends a blast at Honstlar, who is knocked down. He gets back up again.}''

HONSTLAR: And, uh, and you know what else? The Grim Reaper called, he wants his robe back! And weird skull-face!

{Meanwhile, Grindolo sneaks up behind Xar'ak, but Xar'ak simply lights Grindolo on fire with his mind.}

PAST GRINDOLO: Oh, come on, not the fire.

HONSTLAR: Sorry. I tried my best to distract him.

PAST GRINDOLO: Yeah, real helpful.

''{Cut to EDITED Video Greg selling weapons. The line now extends offscreen.}''

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Hey, sketchy guy? Listen. I'd like... {looks around, then whispers} seventeen spoons.

EDITED VIDEO GREG: {drawing} Sure, just gimme a second to draw those...

NEBULON: Hey, can you make me a spaceship so I can fly around and shoot at bad guys?

EDITED VIDEO GREG: Ooh, I like your style.

NEBULON: Finally, someone appreciates my style!

{Cut to the rest of the BODH fighting off baddies in the Old-Timey universe.}

RABITE: Hey, looks like we're almost done. There are hardly any bad guys left.

SRMX12: Wait, isn't The Moon technically a character?

''{They all look up with dread. Cut to the sky, where Old-Timey The Moon's dark counterpart falls toward the battlefield.}''

STRONG BAD: Oh no, the evil moon is crashing into the Earth again!

ZASCUB: It's going to kill us all!

RABITE: Sume? You have shrinking powers, right?

SUME: {reaching upward} It's too far. I can't shrink it from here.

SRMX12: {scanning the area} She's right. Her powers only work up to a certain range, and by the time The Moon enters the optimal vicinity, it'll be too late.

COACH E: If Honstlar was here, he could use his powers to fly Sume up there and everything would be okay.

RABITE: Or if Greg wasn't drawing weapons over there, he could draw us a spaceship or something.

DEAN: Wait... maybe we don't need either of them.

{Dean concentrates, and the BODH begins floating upward.}

COACH E: Dean? Your powers aren't that strong... can you really lift us all the way up there?

DEAN: {struggling} I... I don't know. But I can try.

{The BODH is lifted up onto The Moon's surface as it plummets downward.}

SRMX12: {scanning the distance to the ground} We have approximately one minute before impact.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {holds up a Deep Impact DVD} I was going to give Strong Bad his next Decemberween present, but now seems like a bad time.

SUME: You mean 'cause The Moon is gonna crash into the ground and kill everyone?

HOMESTAR RUNNER: No, 'cause it's not Decemberween.

SUME: All right... let's see if I can shrink this thing.

''{Sume concentrates, and begins shrinking The Moon. Suddenly, a Bendini Sister flies by, knocking her down to the ground.}''

RABITE: Sume!!

COACH E: How are we going to stop The Moon now?

GANKROAR: {voiceover} Leave that to us.

{Gankroar and his Klanktorian army arrive in their spaceships, followed by the Space Machine, the Proud Anselmo, and the ships from the Games menu.}

It's every space-themed character ever, here to help us with&mdash;

{Nebulon shows up in his own sketched spaceship.}



{Nebulon flies off with his signature space noise, dejected.}

SPACE CAPTAINFACE: Strap! Fire heat-seeking bazooka laser cannons!

STRAP: {The Cheat noises}

SPACE CAPTAINFACE: You forgot to recharge the heat-seeking-bazooka-laser-cannonizer? The Strap... is grounded.

MARY PALARONCINI: Let's try spinning around The Moon until it explodes! Remember Mr. I?

SPACE CAPTAINFACE: Nah, that's the wrong Nintendo 64 game for this situation. Clearly we need to summon four giants and fight the sentient mask that caused this calamity.

{The Pillenium Falcon flies up.}

GARB SOLO: Did someone mention blowing up a moon?

OBI-STOM KENOBI: That's no moon.

See?

OBI-STOM KENOBI: Oh. That it is. My eyesight isn't great. We don't have glasses in my galaxy.

HONST LANDWADDLER: From my experience, it helps if there's a thermal exhaust port to space torpedo the crap out of.



HONST LANDWADDLER: Then I've got a bad feeling about this.

Robonic, how much time we got?

SRMX12: Calculating... {pause} Three seconds. Wait, now it's&mdash;

{The Moon crashes down onto the battlefield, scattering debris everywhere and killing everyone.}

''{After a few seconds, the scene rewinds. Cut to the BODH on The Moon.}''

Did time backwards?

ZASCUB: I think time did backwards.

{EDITED Video Greg and his dad show up, flying a sketched spaceship.}

ARSENE VIDEO GREG: Did you guys forget my superpower, or what?

You control the times, don't you?

RABITE: Thanks for saving us. Anyone know how to stop that from happening again?

COACH E: Since both armies are equal... shouldn't we have our own The Moon?

SRMX12: Yes, I suppose we should. {scanning} I detect his presence in the the puppet universe.

ZASCUB: I'll go get him.

''{Zascub teleports away, and immediately teleports back with the good The Moon. He then teleports the BODH, himself included, onto the ground.}''

ZASCUB: Watch. This is gonna be awesome.

{The two The Moons ram into each other, destroying both.}

RABITE: The Moon died.

ZASCUB: Okay, maybe not that awesome.

''{Cut to the throne room. Grindolo fires magic blasts at Xar'ak, who deflects all of them.}''

XAR'AK: Surely this isn't the best you can do, Grindolo. I trained you for centuries. Surely you've had plenty of time to practice your magic while sealed in that cavern...

PAST GRINDOLO: Not really. I was too busy planning my revenge against Honald. 'Course, he was dead by the time I was freed, so that's kind of unfortunate. I can only hope he died painfully, like he stubbed his toe way too bad or something.

XAR'AK: And I see you haven't learned your lesson about disobeying my commands... you're still just as reckless and rebellious as ever. I suppose I didn't have to shut you in there, seeing as it hasn't made a difference.

PAST GRINDOLO: What?

XAR'AK: There was no point in me sealing you in that cave. You just returned five centuries years later, same as before.

PAST GRINDOLO: {shocked} You... did... it...?

XAR'AK: Did what? Locked you in there? It wasn't my doing, exactly, but I did influence Honald somewhat. So yes, I suppose you could say I did.

PAST GRINDOLO: You...

{Grindolo stands still, silently.}

HONSTLAR: Uh... Grindolo? Hi. You okay?

{Pause.}

HONSTLAR: A bit shaken up, huh? Yeah, I guess that is a bit of a plot twist. A predictable one, but I can see why you... uh...

{Pause.}

HONSTLAR: Hey. You going to say anything? Or... move? Or, like, do anything?

''{Grindolo floats down to the floor in a manner similar to kneeling if he had knees. He stares at the ground.}''

HONSTLAR: I get it. You need time to comprehend what you just learned and all that. Sure, don't let the evil mastermind distract you. It's not like he wants to kill us both or anything.

{Pause.}

HONSTLAR: {singing to himself} Bup-a-dup dah... any day now.

''{After a few seconds, Grindolo lifts his head and stares directly at Xar'ak, rage in his eyes. He calmly stands back up.}''

HONSTLAR: Oh, good, you're back. You good?

PAST GRINDOLO: Yes.

HONSTLAR: You sure?

PAST GRINDOLO: Never felt better.

HONSTLAR: That's great. Wait... what?

''{Grindolo closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. He pauses for a moment, and proceeds to surround the area in walls of flame.}''

XAR'AK: Ah, Grindolo. I knew you still had some of my power in you.

PAST GRINDOLO: Shut up.

{Grindolo fires a continuous beam of fire at Xar'ak.}

XAR'AK: {winces} Effective. I've taught you well, I see.

HONSTLAR: How is that hurting him? Isn't he some type of spirit thing?

XAR'AK: It should not harm me... but Grindolo is apparently powerful enough to do so.

HONSTLAR: How?

XAR'AK: His conflict was holding him back... until now. He has tapped into his rage, and become who he was truly meant to be. A spirit of evil. Even if he vanquishes me, my rage will live on in him. He will... he will continue my life's work.

PAST GRINDOLO: Completely wrong.

XAR'AK: So you... you are still conflicted?

PAST GRINDOLO: Wrong again.

HONSTLAR: What do you mean?

PAST GRINDOLO: Honstlar... thank you. Thank you for showing me who I can be.

''{Grindolo increases the force of his blast. Xar'ak's form begins to become disfigured.}''

XAR'AK: {struggling} It can't be...

PAST GRINDOLO: Goodbye forever.

XAR'AK: I'd... think twice about that if I were you...

PAST GRINDOLO: What could you possibly do to me now?

XAR'AK: Nothing, I'm afraid... but I can still use my remaining power... to end your friend over there.

PAST GRINDOLO: H&mdash; Honstlar?

XAR'AK: His pure intentions have corrupted you... He has killed the Grindolo that once served me so loyally.

PAST GRINDOLO: No, that was your fault.

XAR'AK: Regardless... it is only fair that I... pay him the same favor.

PAST GRINDOLO: No... no, please. After all he's done for me...

XAR'AK: It is truly a shame it had to end this way. You could have followed me... you could have helped bring justice to this cruel universe. Alas, my plans may go unfinished... as will your friend's.

PAST GRINDOLO: NO!

''{Xar'ak sends a blast of darkness at Honstlar. Grindolo pushes Honstlar out of the way and takes the blast, before tumbling to the ground. Honstlar kneels down beside him.}''

HONSTLAR: Grindolo! Why did you do that? You could've defeated him!

PAST GRINDOLO: {short of breath} No... I couldn't value his defeat over your life. You're a good person, Honstlar... and today you've shown me the value of that.

HONSTLAR: Come on, get up. You've already died earlier in the movie. You're making this repetitive.

PAST GRINDOLO: I'm... I'm fine. My life... is complete. I am finally free of the hatred. I cannot possibly compensate for all I've done, the trouble I've caused, the times I've tried to kill you in the future... but I know you will. You, Honstlar, will continue my legacy... you will continue to do good, to help people, I know you will.

HONSTLAR: Yeah, you too. Get up and finish him off.

PAST GRINDOLO: I can't. But I can thank you... for showing me... my true potential... {cough}

HONSTLAR: How are you coughing? You don't have lungs.

PAST GRINDOLO: Oh, you're right... I wish... I... still... had... a lungs... {closes his eyes}

HONSTLAR: Grindolo! Wake up! You can do this!

PAST GRINDOLO: {wheezes} Oh right, I forgot... to tell you...

HONSTLAR: Tell me what?

PAST GRINDOLO: {deep breath} Go... 7.256318, -3.51907...

HONSTLAR: What are you saying? You malfunctioning or something?

PAST GRINDOLO: No... I feel better... than I ever have...

{Grindolo fades away.}

HONSTLAR: Grindolo... no!

XAR'AK: It is unfortunate that Grindolo chose to waste his final few minutes of life. He had so much potential, and yet he chose to embrace the weakness of good. His end is almost pathetic enough to make one shed a tear. But no matter &mdash; I don't need him anyway.

HONSTLAR: You... monster.

XAR'AK: A monster? Tell me, who is the one choosing to keep you alive instead of splitting every atom in your body?

HONSTLAR: Not instantly killing everyone doesn't make you not a monster.

XAR'AK: Spare me your unintelligent rambling. No need to recite the dictionary.

HONSTLAR: I promise you, Xar'ak, you will pay for your crimes.

{Honstlar morphs back into his superhero self, and flies through the portal to the battlefield below.}

{Cut back to the BODH on the battlefield.}

SRMX12: {scanning the area} There are only a few dozen dark characters remaining. Including... oh no.



SRMX12: The Burninator.

We've beaten Trogdor.

SRMX12: We've beaten him in ghost form, not regular dragon form. And besides... it's not just him. It's... all of them.

''{Cut to the dark versions of Trogdor, Trogador, Mecha-Trogador, ULTIMATE TROGDOR!!!, Powered by The Cheat Trogdor, and Baby Trogdor, accompanied by Trogdor game sprites and board game pieces wreaking havoc across the countryside. Cut back to the BODH.}''

Then we should join our own... forces... Trogdor. Our own Trogdors.

SUME: Trogforce?



SRMX12: Zascub? Gather the good Trogdors.

ZASCUB: Why do I have to do everything around here?

SRMX12: Because you can teleport.

ZASCUB: I'm starting to regret touching that Superium Orb.

{Zascub teleports away, and returns with all the versions of Trogdor.}

ZASCUB: Got 'em. Now what?

SUME: Now make them fight their bad selves.

ZASCUB: {to the Trogdors} You heard her. Go fight your bad selves.

{The Trogdors all look at each other, and begin burninating each other.}

SUME: Wait. The crap's they doing?

ZASCUB: No, no, I said go fight your bad selves, not your good selves.

EDITED VIDEO GREG: Wait... I think I know what they're doing. Remember the last time we saw different versions of Trogdor burninating each other?

SRMX12: Searching memory banks... yes. In Helmet Quest 2, the unstoppable force vs. immovable object paradox dictated that the Trogdors combine to form a new entity.

''{The fire spreads all over each Trogdor, and they merge in a ball of flame. When the fire is extinguished, a large foot is revealed. Pan up to show an Eldritch abomination version of Trogdor, which towers above the battlefield.}''

SRMX12: Behold... Megador.

It's like ultra, Trog...

EDITED VIDEO GREG: That name reminds me of Marvel. We've plagiarized them too much already.

SRMX12: Megador it is then.



''{Megador looks down at the dark versions of Trogdor, which are mere bugs in comparison. Megador stomps them as such.}''



SUME: "Trogdor" is simply a terrible word to use for portmanteaus. You might as well quit trying.

{pause} Trogstrosity?

''{Suddenly, a new form appears... Dark Megador.}''



SRMX12: It appears the Dark Trogdors have combined as well.

SUME: Dang. Now what?



{The two Megadors burninate each other until the good Megador is destroyed.}

That's hardly great at all.

STOM: We are completely and utterly doomed.

STRONG BADMAN: No, you are not.

{The BODH looks behind them to reveal the remainder of the good army.}

STOM: Hey, look, it's like everyone ever, come to help us fight a giant Trogdor. That hardly ever happens.

We just need Gel-arshie.

ARSENE VIDEO GREG: Wh&mdash;what?

DEAN: Well, I guess Gel-arshie is kind of an abomination himself...

{singing} When it's done, it's tons of fun, J-E-L a-Ton!

GEL-ARSHIE: {appears out of nowhere} DON'T SING MY SONG!

I need you to do your glowy red thingy.

GEL-ARSHIE: Glowy and red? Glowy and red? If I couldn't do it, I might as well be dead!

CRACKOTAGE: Now you are speaking my language! Something, something rhymes with -anguage! Hee hee hoo hway!

''{Gel-arshie glows and turns everything red. The glow fades, revealing weak spots on Dark Megador's body.}''

ARSENE VIDEO GREG: What happened?

Aim for the weak spots.

EDITED VIDEO GREG: {shoots a laser eye blast} This doesn't seem to be working. He's just getting mildly annoyed.

SRMX12: We may need more assistance.

{Zascub teleports onscreen with knights and archers.}

THE RED KNIGHT: Hey. So, uh, how are we supposed to reach up there? Thing's like a jillion feet tall.

ZASCUB: Here, I'll help.

''{Zascub teleports them all offscreen. Screaming is heard in the distance as they fall. A few seconds later, Zascub teleports them back.}''

ZASCUB: D'you get all the weak spots?

THE BLUE KNIGHT: {gasping for breath, leaning over} No...

ZASCUB: Here, let's try again. This time, try to flail your swords around a bit less.

''{Zascub teleports them offscreen again. Screaming is heard.}''

SRMX12: I don't think teleporting them hundreds of feet into the air and back is a very effective strategy.

ZASCUB: Well, what do you suggest?



STOM: You had the legendary TrogSword on you this whole time?



ZASCUB: Well, let's get TrogSwording.

SRMX12: Uh, Zascub?

{The knights' and archers' screaming draws nearer.}

ZASCUB: Oh right, those guys.

{Just before they hit the ground, Zascub teleports them down safely.}

ZASCUB: Hey, how do you guys feel about teleporting up there with a TrogSword?

MENDELEV: {shaking} N&mdash; n&mdash; no&mdash; no thanks, p&mdash; please.

ZASCUB: All right. Who wants to fly up there and hit some weak points?

STINKOMAN: I'll do the honors. I have some experience in the field of flying around in cool poses with large knives. And also hitting weak points on large opponents.

''{Gfd gives Stinkoman the TrogSword. Stinkoman flies up with his robot boots and hits Megador's beefy arm.}''

''{Eh! Steve!'s mouth floats up and explodes, distracting Megador. Meanwhile, Reinforcements flies up with his Justice Rocket Backpack Rocket Rocket, grabs the TrogSword, and hits the weak spot on the back of Trogdor's head.}''

SRMX12: Two weak points down, two to go.

{Powered by The Cheat Strong Sad, S. Sad, and Strong Glad fly up to Trogdor.}

S. SAD: It's rad that we're flying!

POWERED BY THE CHEAT STRONG SAD: I think it's bad that we're flying.

STRONG GLAD: You're wrong, it's totally plaid that&mdash;

S. SAD: Shut up.

''{S. Sad grabs the TrogSword and hits the weak point, while the other two Strong Sads distract him.}''

{Cut to Dean and Rather Dashing.}

DEAN: You sure you're ready for this?

RATHER DASHING: Yes. I've been waiting to exact my revenge since 2004. I am ready.

DEAN: Good luck.

''{Dean uses her powers to levitate Rather Dashing on top of Megador. S. Sad tosses him the TrogSword.}''

RATHER DASHING: This is for my cottage, you Trogdor... dragon... burninate...

DEAN: {shouting from below} All those years and you couldn't think of a cool one-liner?

RATHER DASHING: Hey, one-liners are serious business. Here goes nothing.

''{He stabs the final weak point, and Megador roars in pain. He begins breathing fire onto the battlefield.}''

ARSENE VIDEO GREG: What's going on?

SRMX12: We killed Trogdor. And you know what that means...

BRAINKRIEG: {singing} TROGDOR'S FIERY RAGE!

''{The "Trogdor" song plays. Cut to the fire as it spreads across the battlefield, destroying everything in its path. The BODH run from the raging flames, morphing back into their regular forms as their superpowers run out.}''

STOM: How do we get out of here?!

EDITED VIDEO GREG: It's just fire. You can survive fire with little more than third- or fourth-degree burns, we'll be fine.

''{Cut to Mr. Poofers and Dark Mr. Poofers throwing cantaloupes at each other. They are both engulfed by flame and reduced to ash. Cut back to the BODH.}''

HOMESTAR RUNNER: It just disintegrated the dark overlord himself! Both of him!

EDITED VIDEO GREG: Okay, maybe I was off by a few thousand degrees. Let's run faster.

{Crackotage flies next to them in his plane.}

CRACKOTAGE: The fire's spreading super fast, I don't know how long you'll last!

RABITE: Thanks, Crackotage!

''{They all leap on top of the plane as it ascends above the battlefield. The fire begins rising, and soon the plane is pulled down into the scorching heat. The BODH leap away from the flames, and grab onto Gankroar's spaceship as it flies by.}''

GANKROAR: Don't worry, I'll get you out of here.

''{The spaceship flies straight upward, just barely ahead of the rapidly rising flames. Suddenly, the ship is knocked down by a fireball. The BODH fall to their doom... but are caught by the Space Machine.}''

LARRY PALARONCINI: Well, all right!

COACH E: Limozeens! Can you fly us up to that portal way up there? It looks like that's where Xar'ak and Honstlar are.

LARRY PALARONCINI: Sure thing! I've already got experience giving you guys rides to portals in this movie.

GARY PALARONCINI: Teeg, engage the warp repulsors!

{The Space Machine speeds up.}

SUME: Almost there! You can do this thing!

''{Suddenly, the music stops as a blast of magma splashes up toward Space Machine, breaking it in half. The ship's remains fall down and disintegrate, as the BODH are left falling to their demise.}''

EDITED VIDEO GREG: Um, can anyone see any vehicles that conveniently happen to be flying nearby?

SRMX12: Scans confirm, no signs of life remaining. Just us.

EDITED VIDEO GREG: Jeez, Trogdor's Fiery Rage doesn't mess around.

SRMX12: This was caused by no mere Trogdor. If it was, I'm sure the archer would still be around somewhere.

STOM: Does anyone know if our past selves or the Golden Fedora survived?

SRMX12: The universe may be engulfed in flames, but it hasn't collapsed into nothingness. Everything looks fine in terms of temporal paradoxes.

DEAN: How long are we gonna keep falling before we turn to ashes?

EDITED VIDEO GREG: Just a couple more lines of dialogue, from the looks of it.

DEAN: Oh. Well... it's been a pleasure trying to save the universe with you guys. Even if we didn't succeed.

COACH E: We can at least take solace in knowing we're all together in our last moments. Well, most of us.

RABITE: That's true. Goodbye...

ZASCUB: {sniff} Goodbye.



{As they close their eyes and accept their fate, a figure swoops down and lifts everyone up as it flies offscreen.}

{Cut to Honstlar, who flies toward the portal to bring the Broternal Order to safety.}

You've been missing for too long. I knew you'd turn up eventually.

HONSTLAR: You're welcome.

COACH E: Hey, Honstlar... are you okay? You look upset about something.

HONSTLAR: Nothing, it's just... Grindolo died.



SRMX12: I thought Grindolo was the bad guy. Are we thinking of different people again?

EDITED VIDEO GREG: Yeah, that's great, isn't it?

HONSTLAR: But... in his last moments... he turned good. I saw Grindolo... as who he always wanted to be.

Yeah, let me know when pigs fly and Trogdor's Fiery Rage freezes over.

COACH E: Gfd, show some respect! I don't entirely believe him myself, but you don't have to be rude about it.

HONSTLAR: He's been fighting Xar'ak's influence his whole life... wrestling the conflict of following in his footsteps... and just as he realized who he could be, he died. I never cared much for the guy myself, but it's really tragic.

SRMX12: Sensors indicate a 97% chance of being false.

EDITED VIDEO GREG: Yeah, not quite buyin' it.

HONSTLAR: {sigh} Whatever. The dark clones have all been burninated, so let's take the fight to the guy who started this whole mess.

''{Honstlar flies through the portal into the ruins of Xar'ak's former castle. Xar'ak is still sitting at his throne, slightly weakened.}''

DOOBLE: Hi, Grandma.

XAR'AK: So, you emerge victorious. I must admit, I am surprised.

EDITED VIDEO GREG: Don't be. The good guys always win in these kinds of movies.

HONSTLAR: {muttering to himself} 7.256318... -3.51907...

DEAN: Honstlar? You malfunctioning or what?

HONSTLAR: Oh, Grindolo said some random numbers before he died. There must be some kind of hidden code in there somewhere.



DEAN: Those sound like dimensional coordinates. Perhaps if I enter them into this Game Boy in a blender that I still happen to have... {presses buttons on the blender}

STOM: You sure you wanna trust coordinates from our archnemesis?

HONSTLAR: The past version of our archnemesis who sacrificed himself to save my life. Yes, I trust him.

DEAN: Here goes nothing.

{Dean presses a button and everyone disappears.}

''{Cut to everyone falling through an abyss. It is a blend of many colors, mostly yellow and red. There is no ground, only floating rocks. The BODH and the B-est Team land painfully on a large bumpy rock, and Xar'ak gracefully levitates onto another.}''

HONSTLAR: What is this? Another dimension?

XAR'AK: No. This is the space between all dimensions. We are inside the fabric of reality itself.



{A cheeseburger appears in front of him.}

What happened? Did I do that?

XAR'AK: Indeed you did. You see, your universe has restrictions, like the laws of physics. You can't make cheeseburgers appear out of thin air, for instance, because it is against your world's rules. Things don't work that way here. The Fabric of Reality has no such rules. Anything can happen.

HONSTLAR: Of course... Grindolo wanted us to come here because he knew we could only win by warping the fabric of reality to our will!

{The BODH and Xar'ak glare at each other from afar, prepared to fight.}

HONSTLAR: So this is it. The end. The climax. The final battle. Good vs. evil. Heroes vs. villain. Order vs. chaos.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Hey, that's the name of this&mdash;

HONSTLAR: Shut up. {continuing} The Broternal Order and Xar'ak, finally facing off for the fate of the universe. It's all been leading to this.

That's what all the time happens in movies before climactic battles.

SRMX12: But isn't it hard to make up a speech on the spot?

HONSTLAR: {pulls out a sheet of paper} Cuz', you know I always come prepared! I wrote this earlier for this very occasion. {reads} Today, we fight. Today, we win. I think. Maybe. I dunno, we might. Actually, probably not. Yeah, there's a good chance we'll lose.

EDITED VIDEO GREG: This is such an encouraging speech.

HONSTLAR: Yeah, sorry. I didn't actually finish writing it. This page only has like two sentences. {throws the page away} Let's try this again. I'll just make it up this time.

{Dramatic music begins.}

HONSTLAR: Xar'ak is powerful, yes. He can destroy us all with a twitch of his finger. But even though the odds are against us, even if we think there's no hope, we shall keep moving forward. We will fight to our last breath, in the hope that there is even the smallest chance of our victory. The fate of trillions rests on us this day. And that is why we will win. For Free Country. For Earth. For the universe.

{The BODH and B-Team applaud.}

Encore! Cheering!

XAR'AK: It is indeed inspiring. Misguided, but inspiring.

It'll be anticlimactic if we just silently punch each other.

HONSTLAR: Sure, whatever. It's the Fabric of Reality. Just think it and it'll happen.



HONSTLAR: I don't care. Surprise me.

So, what do we do now?

{Cut to a close-up of Honstlar.}

HONSTLAR: We fight.

''{Cut to an extreme wide shot. The BODH jumps up and flies toward Xar'ak. Xar'ak flies toward the BODH. A familiar drum beat begins.}''

{The opening guitar riff of "Because, It's Midnite" plays as the BODH and Xar'ak charge toward each other in slow motion, in midair, silhouetted against the Fabric of Reality.}

{The song continues as the BODH and B-Team use their new reality powers to fight Xar'ak.}

This... this is the coolest moment in all of history.

''{Gfd fires chicken nuggets out of a cannon at Xar'ak, who opens a portal to send them back at the BODH. Before the impact, Honstlar turns the chicken nuggets into live chickens, and they fly away.}''

''{Xar'ak pulls back the chickens with his mind, and sends them flying at EDITED Video Greg. They peck at his face a bit, but Coach E swings a baseball bat to get them off.}''

''{Xar'ak sends a rock hurling toward Gfd, but he splits himself in half so the rock goes in between his two halves. He then merges back into one, before duplicating himself into an army of Gfds.}''



''{The Gfd army flies toward Xar'ak, knocking him off the rock he was standing on. He destroys them all with a giant blast, but Honstlar blocks the BODH with a giant shield. He splits the shield into spiky shards, and sends them toward Xar'ak, who disintegrates the pieces.}''

''{Xar'ak charges a blast that blows up the rock below the BODH's feet. They fall for a bit, then remember that they are in control of reality, and fly around. They send laser beams at Xar'ak from all directions, but he deflects them.}''

''{Cut to a shot rotating 360 degrees as everyone flies around the fabric of reality. Xar'ak flings swords at the BODH, but they make themselves intangible, so the swords go through them. Using their minds, they hurl the swords back at Xar'ak, but they are caught in his force field. Gfd swings a giant sledgehammer, shattering the barrier.}''

''{The song fades out. Xar'ak reaches out and closes his fist, as the BODH fall onto floating rocks. The music abruptly stops.}''

STOM: Ow! What happened?

SRMX12: I think Xar'ak just took away our ability to affect the fabric of reality!

XAR'AK: Indeed. You weak-minded mortals are brighter than I would have expected.



XAR'AK: Eventually, perhaps. I merely did this to show you how helpless and defeated you would be had I not been so merciful. I could have killed you as soon as I first met you. You should all be thankful I let you come this far.

COACH E: But why? Why are you letting us live so long?

XAR'AK: You are strong, resilient, determined, and hopelessly optimistic. For that, you have earned my respect. If any of you survive, I will not torture you quite as painfully as I will the rest of the universe. But mainly... I find victory is only fun if it's fair.

EDITED VIDEO GREG: That's such a cliché. Whenever the bad guy has the power to kill the hero, the bad guy is always like "Oh, I'm not going to kill him yet". Then then the hero defeats the bad guy and everything turns out okay. You realize that we're just going to end up beating you, right?

XAR'AK: That is not possible. Firstly, my power is near infinite. If anyone were to come close to beating me, I would simply wipe them from existence. I am in no danger. Secondly, I am immortal and intangible.

EDITED VIDEO GREG: Grindolo was immortal too, and he died, like... what, three times now?

XAR'AK: Yes, and who was the cause of his three deaths? Me, because I am exponentially more powerful than you.



HONSTLAR: Come on, have some optimism. There must be some way we can beat him, right? I mean, Grindolo came pretty close.

XAR'AK: Grindolo was weak, but even compared to him, you are nothing. You cannot lay a scratch on me. It's been fun, but I see no interest in keeping you alive any longer.

DEAN: You're psychotic.

XAR'AK: No point in stating the obvious, dear Diana.

''{The fabric of reality shifts to a darker red as Xar'ak begins sends a spike toward EDITED Video Greg. The spike impales his leg, and he lies on the floating rock in pain.}''

DEAN: Greg! You okay?!

EDITED VIDEO GREG: Ow... I'm fine, I think... But I'm... not sure if I can fight anymore...

DEAN: That's okay, we'll protect you.

EDITED VIDEO GREG: No... no, go fight Xar'ak. That's more important...

DEAN: Greg... I&mdash; {sees Xar'ak preparing to attack} LOOK OUT!!

''{Xar'ak sends another spike at EDITED Video Greg, but Dean leaps in front of him and takes the hit. Unconsious, she falls down the infinite void of the fabric of reality.}''

EDITED VIDEO GREG: DEAN!! NO! No...

XAR'AK: What a sweet gesture. Diana was willing to protect Gregory with her life. Unfortunate that it was all for naught.

EDITED VIDEO GREG: You sick monster. HAVE AT YOU!

''{EDITED Video Greg takes out his sketchbook. He swipes his pencil across the page, drawing a sword and taking it out of the paper in one fluid motion. At the same time, Xar'ak creates his own sword and meets Greg's before it can strike him down.}''

{Greg draws and shoots fireballs out of his sketchbook, but Xar'ak flings them around with the slightest of hand gestures.}

{Greg finishes drawing, and a sketched version of Xar'ak emerges from the sketchbook.}

XAR'AK: Pitting me against myself? How quaint.

SKETCH XAR'AK: More like, you're quaint. You can't take over the universe, because the world has Greg, and Greg is cool.

EDITED VIDEO GREG: For the record, I agree with good Xar'ak.

XAR'AK: I suppose we'll have to agree to disagree then.

''{The two Xar'aks fire electricity at each other, but the evil one triumphs. EDITED Video Greg frantically tries to draw something, but his pencil snaps. He looks at Xar'ak with a panicked expression.}''

EDITED VIDEO GREG: You're all about fair fights and all that, right? Would you happen to have a pencil handy?

XAR'AK: I admire your courage, Gregory. You deserve a demise befitting of your heritage.

''{Xar'ak snaps his fingers, and Arrow'd Guy appears next to him. The music intensifies.}''

EDITED VIDEO GREG: No! Don't!

{Arrows come out of Arrow'd Guy's mouth, piercing EDITED Video Greg.}

NARRATOR STRONG BAD: ARROWED!

EDITED VIDEO GREG: Ow! My entire self!

{Greg falls into the bottomless abyss, dead.}

COACH E: Oh, no... first Dean, now Greg... things have turned quite dire.

{An alarm beeps.}

STOM: Ooh, it's been half an hour. Anyone want some waffles?

COACH E: Not great timing, Stom.

STOM: Hey, waffles have a variety of uses! You can wipe your tears on 'em!

XAR'AK: Ah yes, the waffle distributor. I have just the death in mind for you.

{Xar'ak points at Stom and turns him into waffles, which drift aimlessly through the air.}

XAR'AK: The waffle distributor has distributed his final waffles. Go ahead, have some. They're organic.

RABITE: This is just messed up.



XAR'AK: Ah, Rabite, I nearly forgot you existed. Perhaps it would be best if you never existed at all.

RABITE: NO, PLEASE, ST&mdash; {poofs away}

DOOBLE: You are the one in ten dentists, young man, and I will not allow for such insolence on my watch!

XAR'AK: Dooble, you have the power to explode, do you not? I'd like to see this ability in action, if you don't mind.

''{Xar'ak blows up Dooble. Coach E, Zascub, and Sume are caught in the explosion and disintegrate into ash.}''

SRMX12: Our numbers are dwindling faster than ever. Perhaps if I type up an algorithm to stave off the side effects of death... {types}

XAR'AK: That won't be necessary.

{SRMX12 is sucked into his computer, which then explodes.}



ARSENE VIDEO GREG: Wait, guys, I have an idea. My superhero form has control over time, right? If I can use this power to bring everyone back to life...

XAR'AK: Ah, I forgot you can manipulate time. That is unfortunately an ability I do not possess... if I did, the universe would be mine as long as it's existed. I'm afraid you will have to go.

{Before Arsene has a chance to react, he disappears from existence.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {to Honstlar and Gfd} So I guess it's just us three, huh?

XAR'AK: Wrong. {crushes Homestar with a Heavy Lourde} There's only two of you.

HONSTLAR: Gfd, you can't eat this guy, can you?

{tries to take a bite and misses} He's too powerful for even my powers of consumption.

XAR'AK: Gfdgsgxgzgdrc... I have just the death in mind for you. Have a cookie.

{A cookie appears and floats toward Gfd.}

HONSTLAR: Gfd, don't!

Chocolate chips. Got any more?

XAR'AK: Indeed... a whole batch of them, in fact.

{Xar'ak creates dozens of cookies for Gfd, who eats all of them.}

XAR'AK: Impressive. Why don't we wash that down with some milk?

''{An ocean of milk rises up from below. Xar'ak levitates Gfd downward in an attempt to drown him, but he slurps up all the milk.}''



XAR'AK: Of course. What would you like?

On second thought, how about an entire Chinese buffet?

XAR'AK: Here, you may have both.

''{A tidal wave of turkeys, stuffing, mashed potatos, and Chinese food looms on the horizon. As the wave crashes over Gfd, he sucks it all into his toothy mouth.}''

XAR'AK: I am tiring of this. Die.

''{Xar'ak spawns thousands of food items and continuously shoots them at high velocity toward Gfd's mouth. He never flinches.}''



XAR'AK: {genuinely confused} Why aren't you dying?!

HONSTLAR: If there's one thing I know about Gfd, eating too much doesn't kill him...

''{A force field appears around Gfd, blocking the food. Cut to a close-up of his face.}''



''{The food sticks to the force field, creating a sphere of snacks, which Gfd sends flying at Xar'ak. He merely phases through it.}''



{An army of donuts with icing-frosted swords charges toward Xar'ak.}

XAR'AK: How are you doing this? I took away your ability to warp the fabric of reality.



{Xar'ak is briefly overwhelmed by the donuts attacking him, but he explodes them all.}

I've got a friend who might just have something about that.

{An undead spider clown made of potato salad appears from a portal.}

SPIDER CLOWN: {to Xar'ak} Excuse me, sir, but I'd prefer if you didn't bother my good friend like that.

XAR'AK: Very well. I'll give your friend the food he so desperately craves.

''{Xar'ak turns the spider clown into a donut. Gfd eats it.}''

HONSTLAR: Gfd, that's kind of gross.

Or, he was.

XAR'AK: This gives me an idea. {turns Honstlar into a donut} Eat him.

Speak to me!

HONSTLAR: I'm... still alive... please don't eat me...

XAR'AK: You eat, do you not? Do that now. Consume your friend and I will not have to bother with killing him myself.

{Gfd stands defiantly.}

XAR'AK: You've shown that you can't resist food. So, don't resist. You know you want that donut.

{Gfd blinks.}

XAR'AK: {adds extra icing and sprinkles on Honstlar} There, more sprinkles just for you. Surely you must give in now.

{Gfd yawns.}

XAR'AK: I... I do not understand. Out of all the beings I've encountered, you are the most baffling. You crave food, capable of consuming enough to kill any other mortal being... and yet, you resist the temptation of a donut? Why?



{Cut to a close-up of Gfd, confidence and determination in his eyes.}



''{The reality-shattering paradox creates a giant explosion. The blast weakens Xar'ak and breaks his spell, turning Honstlar back to normal. When the dust and debris clear, Gfd is seen lying on a rock, barely conscious. The background shifts to a darker shade of red.}''

XAR'AK: Very clever. It seems the blast has weakened us both, I'm afraid... but now it's time for you to end. It seems fitting that, after spending a lifetime eating food, it will end as food eats you.

{Xar'ak creates a burger that flies toward Gfd and begins chomping him up.}

HONSTLAR: Gfd! Get away from that burger!



HONSTLAR: You can make it through this, I believe in you!

You can flee from here. Go get that Game Boy in a blender and teleport to some other world. Earth may be taken over, but you can find another planet. Get out of here. Now.

HONSTLAR: {hesitates} I&mdash; I can't.

You refused to go on this mission before, and now you want to stay?

HONSTLAR: No, I don't want to. But I have to.



HONSTLAR: I didn't say that. I am scared. But I can't let that stop me from saving one-third of the universe.

Xar'ak will kill you!

HONSTLAR: That's fine. Who cares if I die?



HONSTLAR: I know the odds seem stacked against us... but it's always better to stand up, to make a difference. I may not survive long enough to accomplish anything, but it's worth a try. So I'm going to try.

I can't escape this burger, but... I don't have to. Because I know that if anyone can bring down Xar'ak, it's you. That's why I didn't eat you earlier... because you're the only one who can end this once and for all. But mostly... you're a good friend. I'll miss you.

{The burger swallows Gfd, then vanishes.}

HONSTLAR: Gfd!!

{Honstlar falls to his knees, devastated.}

XAR'AK: Well, Honstlar, this has been fun, but I think I've let you live long enough.

HONSTLAR: {teary-eyed} No. I won't let you win.

XAR'AK: Do you realize your determination is futile?

HONSTLAR: Perhaps it is. But regardless of the outcome, I can't allow you to continue spreading torment.

XAR'AK: How foolish. Goodbye forever.

{Xar'ak shoots a red beam at Honstlar, but a white blob appears, deflecting the bolt.}

XAR'AK: Did&mdash; did you do that?

HONSTLAR: No.

{The blob begins taking a familiar shape...}

XAR'AK: {nervously} Oh dear...

HONSTLAR: What?

{The blob transforms into Homsar.}

HONSTLAR: HOMSAR?! What are you doing here?

HOMSAR: I wanted to help. Why else would I be here?

XAR'AK: Homsar... I've searched far and wide for you. Our duel will be a spectacle worthy of our universe's final confrontation. After all these millenia, we will finally get to see which of us is stronger.

{Xar'ak prepares an attack, but Homsar freezes him.}

HONSTLAR: How are you doing that? I thought Xar'ak was the most powerful being in the universe!

HOMSAR: Second-most powerful.

HONSTLAR: What do you mean? How could anyone be more powerful than him?

HOMSAR: Remember the origin story he told you earlier?

HONSTLAR: {his eyes widen as the realization dawns on him} YOU&mdash; you're... you're the universe?!

HOMSAR: 'Course. Who else would you expect? It was kinda predictable, actually.

HONSTLAR: If you're the universe, why didn't you stop Xar'ak from taking over two-thirds of... of you?

HOMSAR: You think I haven't tried? My power is the only thing keeping Xar'ak from instant universe domination. Without me, he'd become omnipotent.

HONSTLAR: And why didn't you tell me the elements were fake?

HOMSAR: It was the only way to lead you here. The only way he could be destroyed for good.

HONSTLAR: So you can see the future?

HOMSAR: Indeed. It's one of the few powers I possess that Xar'ak does not.

HONSTLAR: Do we beat him?

HOMSAR: In one potential future, yes, but... at a high cost. The majority of the universe is his, and he draws power from it. Destroying him would require destroying the entire universe.

HONSTLAR: How do we do that?

HOMSAR: If I tell you the future, Xar'ak would hear it.

{Xar'ak begins twitching.}

HOMSAR: See? He is too powerful. I can't... hold him off... much... longer...

{Xar'ak breaks free.}

XAR'AK: At last, I have grown stronger than you. I have awaited this moment for millions of years... the universe within my grasp, power beyond comprehension. It is time, Homsar, to meet your end.

HOMSAR: Sure, why not.

XAR'AK: Goodbye forever.

''{Xar'ak points his staff at Homsar, who stands unflinchingly, making no effort to defend himself. Xar'ak mentally shapes the end of his staff into a blade, and makes a quick stabbing motion, impaling Homsar. Dead, Homsar reverts to his true form, a glowing blob of pure light, which then disintegrates, providing light to the now pitch black fabric of reality.}''

XAR'AK: {to Honstlar} Now would be a good time to kill you, I suppose, but there's something I'd like you to see first.

''{Xar'ak transforms the fabric of reality into an image of the universe, lively and vibrant planets orbiting around brilliant suns as if performing a choreographed dance. Xar'ak raises his hand and clenches his fist, and the entire universe withers and decays into a cold, gray wasteland, draped in shadow.}''

''{Cut to the ruins of the former Castle Grindolo on the moon, where the moonpeople are thriving in peace and happiness. Suddenly, the area is engulfed in flame, as its denizens are subjected to endless torture.}''

''{Cut to the Klanktor headquarters, where the Celestial Guardians are figuring out how to deal with a sudden cosmic anomaly. Spikes appear on the walls, growing and extending like plants until they have impaled everyone in the room.}''

''{Cut to the interior of a Yonvargian spaceship, attempting to fly away from the wave of chaos and destruction. They reach the end of the universe, cornered and defenseless as they are consumed by the darkness. The passengers are sucked into the walls and floor, incapable of movement or escape.}''

{Cut back to Honstlar and Xar'ak.}

XAR'AK: {in a cheery tone} Wasn't that fun? With Homsar out of the picture, there is nothing stopping me from unleashing my wrath on the entirety of this plane of existence. I didn't think today would be the day my million-year goal would be accomplished, but I must say, it feels nice that it was.

HONSTLAR: Great, you got what you always wanted. Trillions of people on trillions of planets are suffering under your tyranny. But is that really all you want out of life? To inflict pain?

XAR'AK: I knew naught but pain for millions of your Earth years. It gives me some semblance of satisfaction knowing that you insignificant mortals are experiencing exactly that.

HONSTLAR: Surely you understand what you're doing is wrong.

XAR'AK: I do. I am not driven by a noble cause, believing that destroying the universe will somehow save it, believing that what I have caused is good for anyone but myself, what have you. I am driven by one simple thing: vengeance. And vengeance feels good.

HONSTLAR: I kind of agree, honestly, but vengeance doesn't solve anything. Tormeting others will not undo the torment you experienced &mdash; sometimes you have to learn from your experiences and do what's right. Stop others from experiencing the same fate you did. Grindolo taught me that.

XAR'AK: Grindolo was a fool. The universe is not some utopia where everyone cares selflessly for others. The only goal of all living creatures is satisfaction. As it turns out, I am the only one powerful enough to achieve this unattainable dream.

HONSTLAR: You're right, the world isn't perfect. That's why we need to help change it, to make it better for others. With power like yours, imagine how much good you could do.

XAR'AK: What is it you are trying to accomplish? Are you attempting to convert me to your cause?

HONSTLAR: Hey, it worked when I tried it on Grindolo.

XAR'AK: As I've said, Grindolo was a fool. And I killed him, just as I will kill you. {prepares a lethal ball of energy}

HONSTLAR: {looks to the left} Wait, hold on a sec.

XAR'AK: Uh, no. Why?

HONSTLAR: {walks over toward something glowing in the distance} There's something over here. I wanna see what it is.

XAR'AK: There's nothing over there.

HONSTLAR: There's clearly something over here. It's glowing super bright.

XAR'AK: I can sense everything happening in the universe. I am all-knowing. You can't fool me.

HONSTLAR: What? I'm not trying to fool you, it genuinely looks like there's something over here. I don't know why you can't&mdash; {stops in his tracks} Ah.

''{Cut to Honstlar looking at the Golden Fedora, radiating light through the darkness. He puts it on, and glows as immense power flows through him.}''

XAR'AK: What's going on?

HONSTLAR: You're all-knowing. Can't you tell?

XAR'AK: I... I don't understand. Homsar must've left behind some of his power to hide something from me... but what? What have you found?

HONSTLAR: Oh, just a little hat I'll use to destroy you.

XAR'AK: The power of the Golden Fedora is nothing compared to my own. Reality bends to my will, not the whims of a mere hat. You can not harm&mdash;

{Honstlar traps Xar'ak in a force field, which explodes, then impales him with several spikes, and crushes him with a Heavy Lourde.}

HONSTLAR: Gosh, you're right. Vengeance does feel good.

XAR'AK: {weakened and in pain} H... how?! This is not possible... this cannot be. No... no...

HONSTLAR: I guess this explains why you killed Homsar so easily. He wanted you to do that, so he could transfer all of his power to the Golden Fedora. And with the power of the universe bestowed unto me, it's time for you to say goodbye.

XAR'AK: Do you remember what Homsar told you? You'd have to destroy the whole universe to destroy me.

HONSTLAR: So be it.

''{Cut to outer space. A choir begins chanting dramatic music as a giant vortex of destruction opens up, towering over galaxies. Cut back to Honstlar and Xar'ak watching this through the fabric of reality.}''

XAR'AK: You... are destroying your universe? That would kill everyone you've ever known.

HONSTLAR: Better than being tortured by you for all eternity.

XAR'AK: You're really going to kill trillions? Including those friends of yours on Earth?

HONSTLAR: I didn't say that.

''{Cut to the inhabitants of Yonvarg-5, enduring centuries of unceasing torment. In the darkness, a glowing portal opens up next to one of the aliens, and they walk through. Another portal opens up next to a different alien, and they walk through as well. Suddenly, portals appear next to every alien, and they all leave the destroyed wasteland of their former home.}''

{Cut to the other side of the portals, where the Yonvargians emerge to find their home restored to its former glory, free of the pain they spent 500 years enduring.}

''{Cut to a wide shot of another planet, its residents toiling away in a painful haze. The dark landscape is brightened up as glowing portals appear, and soon the planet is emptied of all life. The planet crumbles away as its remains are sucked up by the void.}''

{Cut back to Homsar and Xar'ak.}

XAR'AK: You've created a parallel universe? Identical to this one?

HONSTLAR: THE VERY SAME! But there is one small difference.

XAR'AK: What's that?

HONSTLAR: This universe doesn't have you.

''{As Honstlar speaks, cut to the vortex consuming planets, now devoid of life. Entire galaxies are obliterated and sucked up by the unstoppable void. Planets spin out of control, crashing into each other and blowing up.}''

HONSTLAR: {voiceover} I wish to send every living being to this new universe...

''{Cut to a group of dark planets. They briefly glow with the light of the portals, then the light fades as the portals close and the planets are disintegrated, their remnants consumed.}''

HONSTLAR: {voiceover} I also wish to fix any changes made to the timeline during time travelling...

''{The gravity of the cosmic storm pulls planets out of their orbit, hurling them into other planets and colliding, obliterating them into fiery clouds of debris. Complete cosmic chaos erupts.}''

HONSTLAR: {voiceover} And most of all, I wish to revive everyone killed in the battle against Xar'ak.

{The vortex closes in on the last remaining planets as the light of the portals glows bright, its citizens evacuating to the new universe before the planet implodes and the vortex engulfs its remains.}

''{Cut back to the Fabric of Reality, now desolated and ruined. Honstlar and Xar'ak are severely weakened.}''

XAR'AK: N&mdash; no... stop... stop, please, I beg you. Don't end my universe.

HONSTLAR: I mean, I've gone this far... might as well, you know?

XAR'AK: But Honstlar, if you destroy the universe, you will destroy yourself with it. There is nothing you can do now.

HONSTLAR: You think that'll stop me?

XAR'AK: No... no... NOOOO!!

HONSTLAR: Goodbye forever.

''{Cut to the ravaged remnants of the universe, now in chaotic, fiery desolation and destruction. All life has been evacuated. The vortex closes with a massive explosion, and the shockwave disintegrates all the stars and planets into a fine dust until nothing remains.}''

''{The scene becomes silent, with the exception of the haunting, melancholy vocals of a high-pitched choir. Cut to Honstlar and Xar'ak standing in the Fabric of Reality as it collapses and explodes. The explosion brightens the screen until nothing is visible. The universe is no more. Xar'ak is defeated. Honstlar is gone.}''



{Fade in to the Field at sunset, a new building replacing the Pillquarters &mdash; Xar'ak's base, remodeled into a gold helmet-shaped castle.}

He could've lived a long fulfilling life, but no. He went the extra mile, sacrificing himself to bring us back and restore order to the universe.

{Cut to the interior of the building, resembling the old Pillquarters.}

Is he alive? Is he in another dimension, some other plane of existence? Is he on vacation enjoying chicken wings at a buffet without me? None know.

{Slow pan across a crowd of new characters are sitting around a table, listening attentively.}



''{Cut to the BODH, who have visibly aged in the past decade. A bearded Gfd continues his speech.}''



NEW CHARACTER: {raises hand} Treasurer Garbles, you knew Honstlar, right?



ANOTHER CHARACTER: {raises hand} Do you think Honstlar is dead?

EDITED VIDEO GREG: Obviously, Chocolate Taste-Tester Homesphere Jogger. He stayed behind to destroy his entire universe, and he's been missing for ten years, of course he's dead.

I have faith that Honstlar will one day return. Does anyone have any other questions?

{Pause.}

Be sure to meet back here next week when we'll be discussing the tastiest flavors of chapstick!

{Everyone leaves except the original BODH members.}



SRMX12: That's correct.

EDITED VIDEO GREG: Why do we still take turns each week being Supreme Overlord? Honstlar's not coming back to fill the position. We should just decide a Supreme Overlord and not have to deal with this every week.



EDITED VIDEO GREG: If he's still out there, why hasn't he contacted us in the last ten years?

{Gfd pauses, thinking of how to respond.}

EDITED VIDEO GREG: Fine. It's SRMX12's turn next week, but sooner or later we're going to have to settle on a Supreme Overlord to replace Honstlar.

{Everyone walks out of the building except Gfd, who stays behind.}

EDITED VIDEO GREG: See ya.

SRMX12: Bye, everyone.

COACH E: See you all next week!



{Gfd looks around after everyone has left.}



HONSTLAR: {voiceover} See you soon.

''{Gfd leaves the building as the scene fades out. Roll credits. An orchestrated version of "Ever and More" plays.}''



''{After credits, cut to an underground cave. The Pretender walks in, bearded and wearing a more futuristic robot suit.}''

THE PRETENDER: The coast is clear.

''{Mr. Dando and the Cleanser Geek walk in, the former visibly aged and wearing his plaid shirt from Marshmallow's Last Stand.}''

MR. DANDO: What's so important that we needed to meet up here? Grindolo's dead, and we haven't seen each other in nearly a decade.

THE PRETENDER: Welcome to our new headquarters.

THE CLEANSER GEEK: It is a step down from Castle Grindolo, to be sure.

MR. DANDO: We have a headquarters again? What are we even teaming up for? We don't have Grindolo around to help us no more.

THE PRETENDER: True, true. But what if we did? {holds out a pile of ash}

THE CLEANSER GEEK: My processors confirm that those are ashes.

THE PRETENDER: Extraterrestrial ashes retrieved from just outside the Olmec. Dates back approximately five centuries. {scans the ashes, illuminating a hologram of Grindolo's old corporeal form} Grindolo's ashes.

MR. DANDO: So?

THE PRETENDER: This hologram shows what he looked like back then, how his armor was constructed, even how his weapon worked. All we need is the technology to reconstruct his physical form. To bring him back, better than ever before.

{The other two begin nodding in agreement.}

THE PRETENDER: So, what are we waiting for? Let's get to work.

{Cut to black.}