Inanimate Objects in Decidedly Non-Inanimate Situations/Episode 6

Description: The objects answer a question in exactly ten words. Plus a jumbo size elimination scene.

Transcript
HUMIDIBOT: I don't mean to be rude but I notice we're not winning a whole bunch!

THE PAPER: {printing out} > And whose fault do you think that is ??

HUMIDIBOT: I think it was outside our control last time!

CARDBOARD MARZIPAN: We could win if that old and busted Marzipan didn't crash the party.

{Scotty Titi stays silent on the subject}

LAPPIER: {peeking in} Gimme a minute. Gotta mentally prepare myself.

DOREAUXGARD: What's with him?

F-SACK: Sounds like he just lost an old friend. Or is about to.

DRIVE-THRU WHALE: Have an ice tray, Governor.

F-SACK: Thanks, whale. I need that.

{The Lappier comes in with a serious look}

LAPPIER: It's getting harder and harder to eliminate these contestants. Everyone's working so hard! But it must be done.

HUMIDIBOT: The prize is worth fighting for!

LAPPIER: Let's get down to brass tacks.

{The benches pop up under the Onion Bubses}

STRONG BAD: {singing} Vote 'em up, vote 'em up, vote 'em up, y'all!

LAPPIER: Okay, Onion Bubses...

THE PAPER: > do I need to tell you again?!

LAPPIER: --one of you is gonna join your former leader in the poor house. But if you're safe, you get a slice of broomcake.

{He then pulls out just a regular broom}

HUMIDIBOT: Oh man! One of those cakes shaped like regular things!

LAPPIER: {lying badly} Yeeeeah. SHAPED like regular things. Cardboard Marzipan!

CARDBOARD MARZIPAN: Let's have some cake!

LAPPIER: You got it! You're safe!

{He snaps the broom handle which turns out to be regular wood, and throws it to Cardboard Marzipan}

CARDBOARD MARZIPAN: All natural and high in fibers! My favorite!

LAPPIER: For the next one safe, how does that old adage go? Ah, yes. "Scotty wins by doing absolutely nothing!"

{Scotty gets the other half of the handle}

LAPPIER: Humidibot and The Paper. One of you will get the boot. It pains me to make the choice.

THE PAPER: > get on wif it!!

LAPPIER: I have a gift for my Strong Bad's room buddy.

THE PAPER: > \(*u*)/

LAPPIER: ...Elimination!!

THE PAPER: > >:C

{Humidibot swallows the broom bristles whole}

LAPPIER: The Paper will be sentenced to serve in the Teen Girl Squad.

{The tube sucks The Paper up}

LAPPIER: Now for the day's competition. Both teams will be asked to answer a single question. You must answer in exactly ten words of wisdom. I will judge the greatest sentence!

FRANK BENNEDETTO: Exactly ten? No more, no less?

LAPPIER: Precisely.

FRANK BENNEDETTO: Understood, sir.

LAPPIER: Here is your question: “Who is the one in charge?”

{The objects split up and begin to brainstorm their answer}

F-SACK: This is going to be tough. We all have different ideas of who we consider to be authority.

DOREAUXGARD: I don't answer to nobody, dummies!

FRANK BENNEDETTO: I'm eternally loyal to the Homestarmy.

DRIVE-THRU WHALE: Away in a stranger, his wheel in the fray.

F-SACK: We gotta get through this...

{The Onion Bubses had a different idea}

HUMIDIBOT: Importance! That's a good word to use in a sentence!

CARDBOARD MARZIPAN: Hordes!

HUMIDIBOT: Pruning!

CARDBOARD MARZIPAN: Cloud!

{Scotty Titi was silent, but he seemed to be having fun}

HUMIDIBOT: Punished! These are great, but we can only use ten.

CARDBOARD MARZIPAN: I can help shorten it for you, cutie.

HUMIDIBOT: Aww, thanks.

{Meanwhile, F-Sack comes forward with his team's sentence}

LAPPIER: Alright, Blubb-O's. Who is the one in charge?

F-SACK: "In the end, it all depends on who you ask."

LAPPIER: Wow! How... vague. And unclear. Hope The Onion Bubses come up with a better one.

HUMIDIBOT: Hey! We're ready!

{He wheels up to the Lappier}

LAPPIER: Let's hear it. Who is the one in charge?

HUMIDIBOT: "The voters, without whom, this whole thing would be pointless!"

LAPPIER: Aw, that's a cheap pop. Anybody can get cheers sayin' that.

CARDBOARD MARZIPAN: Aww...

LAPPIER: ... Luckily, I love cheap pops! You win!

CARDBOARD MARZIPAN: Hooray!

LAPPIER: It was close, but the Onion Bubses scraped out a win. One Welcome to Blubb-O's member must be eliminated. Frank Bennedetto, Drive-Thru Whale, Doreauxgard, or F-Sack. Vote 'em up, vote 'em up, vote 'em up, y'all!

{It's a lovely day on the notebook paper, as some birds smack into a brick wall with wings}

STRONG BAD: {doing the sound effects} KERSPLAT!

{The Teen Girl Squad walk in and The Paper prints from the top of the page}

CHEERLEADER: How we lookin, galagas?

ALL except THE PAPER: SOOO GOOD!

THE PAPER: > OUT OF PLACE!

CHEERLEADER: Alright, alright. The plan today is to go behind the mall where the rugged olda boys hang out.

THE PAPER: > Hey, aren't I a rugged olda boy?

CHEERLEADER: You're temporarily restricted to the friendzone as a condition of your community service.

THE PAPER: Aww.

{Cut to the squad behind the city mall}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} Behind the mall!

WHAT'S HER FACE: Looks like it's just dumpsters and employee exits.

THE UGLY ONE: I call dibs on cardboard boxes!

{She throws open the dumpster lid and finds cardboard boxes, plus a seriously angry raccon}

THE UGLY ONE: Hands off my boxes, crumb bum!

{The raccoon leaps on her face and they both scratch at each other}

SO AND SO: Oh great, now she'll need ANOTHER rabies treatment.

THE PAPER: > Cardboard thinks it's so cool, mumble grumble...

CHEERLEADER: Heads up! I found a boy!

{Turns out she was talking to a nerdy-looking fast food employee}

CHEERLEADER: Hey there olda boy, if you kiss, I won't tell.

EMPLOYEE: Hang on, my glasses got sweat on em.

{He holds them up to the sun to look at them}

STRONG BAD: Bright sunlight, plus curved lens, equals...

{The glasses lens becomes a heat ray that zaps the two}

STRONG BAD: ELEMENTARY SCHOOL DEATH RAY'D!!

{The others watch as sparks fly out}

SO AND SO: Ooh, how scientific.

{One spark hits The Paper and causes a small fire}

THE PAPER: > AH! Put me out! I'm allegic to fire!

{What's Her Face rips The Paper out of the printer and douses him in a puddle}

THE PAPER: > I'm soggy.

WHAT'S HER FACE: I'm going inside.

{She enters the mall}

SO AND SO: I gotta find a boy someplace! I'll even take--

{She spots the raccoon who has apparently, won the fight}

SO AND SO: You'll do! Let's paint the town red with what's left of Ugly One's blood!

''{They exit the scene. Inside the mall, What's Her Face browses the clothes}''

WHAT'S HER FACE: My favorite, boys shirts that are 2 sizes too big!

{She pulls out one that has a 3d effect}

WHAT'S HER FACE: Cool effect! I could stare at this forever!

{The lenticular hologram begins to hypnotize her on the spot}

WHAT'S HER FACE: {dizzy} Stare at it... forever...

{A 3d hand comes out of the shirt and blows her mind}

STRONG BAD: MIND CRUSH!

WHAT'S HER FACE: Ow, my the evil inhabiting my heart!

{Cut to a riverside where So And So and that raccoon are apparently on a date}

SO AND SO: Oh, if only Cheerleader could see me now!

STRONG BAD: IT'S OVER!!