Inanimate Objects in Decidedly Non-Inanimate Situations/Episode 3



Plot: The objects become indie filmmakers.

Transcript
FRANK BENNEDETTO: So, one to one. We're evenly matched so far.

F-SACK: Oh child, if we only had Onion Bubs on our team, we'd be unbeatable.

ONION BUBS: Boy, I wish I could! But Humidibot got to me first.

HUMIDIBOT: I need somebody to say my name is Humidibot to!

ONION BUBS: We know already.

LAPPIER: Look alive, Blubb-O's!

{The Vote 'em Ups benches suddenly spring up under the losing team}

STRONG BAD {singing} Vote 'em up, vote 'em up, vote 'em up y'all!

LAPPIER: This time, we recieved a grand total of... three votes.

FRANK BENNEDETTO: Again?

DOREAUXGARD: If you're reading this and ain't voting, what are you doing with your life!

LAPPIER: If you're safe, you get Creamy Ding Snack Cakes. Time to count them up.

{Welcome to Blubb-O's watches in anticipation}

LAPPIER: Bennedetto, you're the first one safe, no votes.

{He gets a snack cake, and immediately juices it}

FRANK BENNEDETTO: There is dignity in defeat!

LAPPIER: Next safe is Doreauxgard.

{A Creamy Ding is thrown to him}

DOREAUXGARD: Why come we don't get real cake?

LAPPIER: Budget cuts. Hey whale!

DRIVE-THRU WHALE: Sorry, your western civilization has been declined.

LAPPIER: You're safe. Open up.

{The whale opens his mouth and eats the cakes in one bite}

LAPPIER: Now it's down to two. This time, there's a clear winner.

F-SACK: That doesn't sound fair! I'm against a lovable puppy filled with cookies!

LAPPIER: Well, I apologize... to Trivia Time! Cuz he's outta here!

TRIVIA TIME: {spooked} Yip yip yip!

{The Lappier tosses Creamy Dings into F-Sack's sack mouth}

LAPPIER: Today's penalty game, the loser gets demoted to rejected character status. Which, I may add, was where he was originally, as Pom Pom's pet dog, before becoming Marzipan's cookie jar.

{The vacuum tube sucks Trivia Time off screen}

LAPPIER: Say hi to Homeschool Winner for me. And tell him to send some fangirls my way.

DOREAUXGARD: Boy, I'd like to clean his clock!

LAPPIER: Let's not waste time. The next challenge is... to create a spin-off of your favorite cult film. You each get one camera and some Monopoly money to serve as the film's budget.

{One camera goes to Doreauxgard and the other goes to Onion Bubs}

ONION BUBS: Alright, team, let's huddle up and think of an idea.

{The teams separate and begin planning}

ONION BUBS: Okay, what kinda spinoff we want?

HUMIDIBOT: Ooh ooh, I know! Trogdor's Third Big Movie!

THE PAPER: {printing out} > Yeah! except make it kick-awesome and make Smartimer an ex-navy seal on a rampage of revenge!

HUMIDIBOT: {shakes his head} No, that's not what I--

ONION BUBS: Make it happen, Papes!

DOREAUXGARD: Alright. Let's try and think of something Lappier would love.

F-SACK: He's Strong Bad's computer. So there can be none other than the one with the cool, cool glasses.

DRIVE-THRU WHALE: Try our cool, cool glass of broken glass!

FRANK BENNEDETTO: I was in Homestarmy USO. I can be your Dangeresque.

DOREAUXGARD: It's a deal! Dangeresque 4.5: Revenge of the Return!

{Having found some ideas for films, they finally get to filming}

ONION BUBS: Okay, Titi, you be cameraman. Just... don't knock the camera over and we'll be fine.

{Scotty stares as usual}

ONION BUBS: Action!

{He hops and switches the camera on}

SMARTIMER (ONION BUBS): They can laugh. They can call me unpopular. But they've crossed the line and now they've unleashed the beast... inside.

TROGDOR (HUMIDIBOT): {now painted green} Rarr! I'm Humidibot, I mean Trogdor!

THE PAPER: > breaking news!!! Cyber Alpha Tr0gd0r has been unleashed!!!

SMARTIMER: Today is a good day... to burninate!

TROGDOR: And we'll learn a lesson about caring for others and have a dance party ending!

SMARTIMER: {whispers} Psst. No! We're not doing that!

TROGDOR: {singing} Something something can get outta town, cuz you burninated my heart!

{cut to Welcome to Blubb-O's}

DANGERESQUE (FRANK BENNEDETTO): If we don't recover the stolen floppy disk, those terrorists are gonna take over the sun!

DANGERESQUE TOO (F-SACK): Sounds... Dangeresque.

DANGERESQUE: No, sounds--hey, that's my line.

DANGERESQUE TOO: Yeah, yeah. We've captured their second in command, Redangelo, and he's ready for interrogation.

REDANGELO (DRIVE-THRU WHALE): {tied up in ropes} Your wish is my sandwich.

DANGERESQUE: Okay, blubbery, who do you work for?

REDANGELO: Only the finest hand-grenade ingredients.

DANGERESQUE: Not spilling the beans? D-Too, take out his kneecaps!

DANGERESQUE TOO: Uh, I'm fairly sure he doesn't have any knees.

DANGERESQUE: Take out his... metal pole caps!

{back to The Onion Bubses!}

{This time, Humidibot stares down Scotty Titi, with stacks of blocks representing buildings}

THE PAPER: > Targets found! Cyber Alpha Tr0gd0r, obliterate all!!!

SMARTIMER: You've gone mad, Lieuteneral! In your obsession to end my life, you've doomed this suburb to burnination.

CYBER ALPHA TR0GD0R (SCOTTY TITI): {just sits there}

SMARTIMER: But if I don't stop you now, then I will never get... MY REVENGE! Trogdor, reduce him to atoms!

TROGDOR: I wanna make friends with the robot.

SMARTIMER: {dumbstruck} What the-- Trogdor doesn't make friends! He burninates!

TROGDOR: Then I'm not gonna be Trogdor.

SMARTIMER: Eh?!

{Humidibot spits up fluids and washes all his green paint off}

HUMIDIBOT: Hiii! I'm Humidibot, and I'll teach you how to breakdance cuz I'm Humidibot!

SMARTIMER: CUT! Cut it!

{back to Welcome to Blubb-O's}

DANGERESQUE: Your evil plans end here, Lord Widesteven!

LORD WIDESTEVEN (DOREAUXGARD): You're too late, lame-o's! My rocket-powered supercomputer is about to launch!

DANGERESQUE TOO: More like you're too late. We uploaded a virus while you were, uh... in the bathroom.

LORD WIDESTEVEN: You fools! You've activated the self-destruct!

DANGERESQUE: Uh oh. You know what that means...

DANGERESQUE and DANGERESQUE TOO: Looks like we're gonna have to jump!

{But just then, some ketchup is squirted at them}

DANGERESQUE TOO: Oh twice dang! The bad guy has us pinned down!

LORD WIDESTEVEN: Mu ha ha! You'll never jump as long as I still breathe!

DANGERESQUE: Then it's the final battle for the fate of--

{The sound of Lappier's sharp whistle interrupts him}

LAPPIER: Cameras down! It's time to show your creations!

FRANK BENNEDETTO: For crap's sake!

{The scene switches to both teams facing the Lappier}

LAPPIER: Just upload your films right in my USB slot.

{Frank Bennedetto uploads his movie first}

LAPPIER: Hmm... Hmm hmm... Wow, this is some premium crooked cop action. But you failed to finish the movie in time. Gotta dock points for that.

F-SACK: Aw, expletive.

{Humidibot uploads his team's movie}

LAPPIER: Hmmm... oh! Impressive!

HUMIDIBOT: Really?

LAPPIER: It's impressive how atrocious this poor excuse for a movie is! This mess makes me wanna format C:\ ! You turbo lose!

HUMIDIBOT: Ack!

{The screen switches to the profiles of the losing team}

LAPPIER: And so the Onion Bubses failed to make a coherent movie due to their constant infighting. Now one of em's gonna be punished. Choose which one you want to eliminate: Humidibot, Scotty Titi, Onion Bubs, or The Paper.

{A link to the viewer voting page appears}

LAPPIER: Next time, we're finally gonna introduce some recommended characters. Only one so far, so I'll add some new ones as competition.

{cut to the 2000-era character cards, where Trivia Time is on a card in between Homeschool Winner and the Unguraits}

HOMESCHOOL: Welcome back. Thought we'd never see you again, you being a recurring pseudocharacter and all.

TRIVIA TIME: Bark!

HOMESCHOOL: Yeah? Tell Lappier I ain't sending him nothing!