Stinkoman Email/7

Stinkoman Email #7: Job

Summary: Stinkoman talks about some of his previous jobs, but elaborates on one in particular where he was the assistant writer and line artist on a popular four-panel manga titled, "Afterschool Girls Club".

Cast (in order of appearance): Stinkoman, 1-Up, Pan Pan, Chiarida, Madama, Minikui, Nani, Haruhi, Arrow'd Guy, The Visor Robot, Tompkins

Places: Stinkoman Headquarters, Afterschool Girls Club Highschool, Stinkoman's Kitchen

Date: June 17, 2020

Stinkoman Email #7: Job


''{It opens up to something a little bit different this time. Stinkoman, 1-Up and Pan Pan are standing out in the field, all having a casual conversation.}''

STINKOMAN: And that's why our modern society is so obsessed with challenges, but in my personal opinion, not enough obsessed! You know the ol' saying. Too much of a good thing... is an awesome thing!

PAN PAN: {Badalang, badalang, badalang.}

STINKOMAN: Ha-ha-ha-hah! What do you mean that is not how it goes? Of course it is. For I am, Stinkoman, the world's mightiest hero and email-checker extraordinaire!

1-UP: Speaking of which, weren't you supposed to be doing something right about now?

STINKOMAN: I don't think so. I'm sure I would remember something like that. This is the time of day where I stand out in a field and have random conversations about challenges with passerby. Now, get moving, passerby! You cannot pass me by if you just stand there!

1-UP: Weren't you supposed to be, like, checking email?

STINKOMAN: {rubbing chin, thinking} I don't know. That doesn't sound like me.

PAN PAN: {Badalang, badalang, badalang.}

STINKOMAN: Oh, that email! I nearly forgot! And the prom is tomorrooooow! Hopefully, I'm not too late!

''{Stinkoman somersaults off-screen to the right and somehow when the camera cuts to the normal email screen, Stinkoman just crashes through the ceiling and lands on his hover-chair. An email is already present on-screen and he reads it.}''

Yo Stinkoman,

Do you have a job that dose'nt

include challenging people? Because

you won't get paid for that.

-Stinkobad

{He pronounces "doesn't" as "doh-ze-net".}

STINKOMAN: {typing} Hey, Stinkobad!

{He says this in a similar manner to how 1-Up says "Hey, Stinkoman!"}

STINKOMAN: {typing} Whaaaaaaaaat are you talking about? I think I have firmly established in a previous email that challenging and fighting is basically the default of how our society, government and economy runs. To be perfectly honest with you, I think settling civil matters in the challenge arena, as opposed to in court with lawyers, has made the 20X6 justice system a lot swifter and more fair - where only the most powerful fighters reign supreme. I don't see any flaws with this system, and it is certainly a lot better than the era of settling debates and fighting wars with trading cards.

''{It cuts to a scene of Stinkoman and 1-Up standing around with Yu-Gi-Oh! style duel disks in a large arena-type space. As Stinkoman and 1-Up dramatically announce their moves, the camera cuts between them, shaking slightly with speed-lines in the background.}''

STINKOMAN: I summon the Riceball Guardian!

1-UP: Well, I summon the Wet Sock Monster!

STINKOMAN: Well, I summon the Super-Mega Ultra Lightning Dog!

1-UP: Well, I summon some buffalo chicken tenders using this app on my phone!

STINKOMAN: Well, I summon Pan Pan! {Pan Pan appears to Stinkoman's left.} Pan, Pan, how does this game even work? Am I winning? Losing? Come on, give me a hint!

''{Cut back to Stinkoman typing. He clears the screen.}''

STINKOMAN: {typing} Though I suppose I could divulge some of my past work experience. It's not anywhere near as exciting as when I came into my own as the greatest challenger of all time! But, that latter half is a story for another time. I've worked as a salesperson.

''{Cut to the scene in "Twenty THANKXty Six" where Stinkoman is sitting at a desk in a suit, tie and with neatly combed hair. He is on the phone with a coffee mug in his other hand.}''

BUSINESS STINKOMAN: BUY, SELL! BUY, SELL! BUY, SELL!

STINKOMAN: {voice-over} Then, I worked as an astronaut, exploring the cosmos and going where no Stinko had ever dared to dream!

{Cut to Stinkoman in a Star Trek-style uniform, sitting on a ship pointing out towards space.}

STARSHIP STINKOMAN: I'll get you, Limozeeeeeeeeeeeeen... {Pause.} ...but they're in spaaaaaaaaaace!

STINKOMAN: {voice-over} Then, I worked as a plumber and got some really, really strange requests!

{Cut to Stinkoman dressed up as Mario, mustache and all, standing around in a castle-type scenario.}

PLUMBER STINKOMAN: So, when you called me over here to clean your pipes... what you ACTUALLY meant is...

''{The camera zooms out to show Stinkoman is standing over the bridge from the original Super Mario Bros. Implied he is talking to someone off-screen. He gestures to the off-screen person and then at the lava, flailing his arms.}''

PLUMBER STINKOMAN: "Please rescue me from a giant dragon-turtle monster." Uh, I don't... I really don't think this was in my job description. Peace! {He walks off-screen to the left, casually, looking a tad annoyed.}

{It cuts back to Stinkoman typing at his floating holographic computer.}

STINKOMAN: But, that kind of stuff isn't really all that interesting, is it? Well, you'll probably get a kick out of this one. I bet you didn't know that the greatest challenger of all time used to have the skills of an artist! It's true! After going to art college for a good two million or so years, I was hired on to be the assistant writer and clean-up artist on a four-panel comic strip called "Afterschool Girls Club". Let's just say, they didn't really agree with my input! But, the copies I wrote and drew were already sent off to print before they could do anything about it, so in the end, I had already won!

''{Cut to a desk. Stinkoman throws down a copy of the first ever issue of his run on "Afterschool Girls Club".}''

STINKOMAN: {narrating} AFTERSCHOOL GIRLS CLUB!

''{On the front cover, there is a picture of four Japanese anime schoolgirls in the chibi art-style, basically posing for a selfie. A step up from Strong Bad's "Teen Girl Squad". Stinkoman opens the book to the first page, as he narrates.}''

STINKOMAN: {narrates, as the girls are introduced one-by-one} CHIARIDA! MADAMADA! NANI! MINIKUI!

{Cut to the four girls standing side-by-side in traditional Teen Girl Squad style, but with slightly bolder outlines.}

CHIARIDA: Hey, gals! Who is feeling so ko-wai?

MADAMADA: I am, I am, I am!

NANI: Ko-wai? Don't you mean ka-wa-ii?

CHIRARIDA: That's what I said. It means "cute"!

NANI: No. What you said means "scary".

{Chiarida just straight-up punches Nani in the face and pushes her off-screen.}

"CHIARIDA:' Now who is ready to be so ko-waii!

MADAMADA & MINIKUI: SO GOOD!

{There is a lengthy pause as Chiarida does not know how to process that.}

MADAMADA: Uh, I mean... so... kawaii?

CHIARIDA: That's the spirit! Now, as you know, this club is not officially recognized by the school until we have five members, so any ideas on who to get as a fifth member?

MINIKUI: What about Haruhi?

CHIARIDA: No way. Haruhi's weird!

MINIKUI: Are you just saying that because she's drawn in a completely different art-style?

''{Cut to this "Haruhi" individual, who is drawn all gritty and realistic with scratchy pen lines, sitting in a dark corner just maniacally laughing. It cuts back to the main four girls again.}''

CHIARIDA: Come on, ladies! Literally anyone else!

MADAMADA: How about we take 20X6 Tompkins and just put him in a dress?

CHIARIDA: Why did you refer to him as "20X6 Tompkins" and not just "Tompkins"?

MADAMADA: Sorry, I have this weird habit of trying to fit the current year into every 20X6 sentence I say, even when it doesn't make any 20X6 sense.

CHIARIDA: ...

MADAMADA: ...

CHIARIDA: Well, alright then. What about you, Nani? Any ideas?

''{Nani is sat in the corner of the club-room, looking dazed and confused and with a black eye. She has the spiral eyes that are commonly used in anime.}''

NANI: Uh, why don't we... recruit... Madamada's twin... sister?

MADAMADA: I don't have a twin sister.

NANI: Oh, then I'm seeing double.

CHIARIDA: Well then, all of those ideas were terrible! You know what this calls for then?

{There is a pause.}

MINIKUI: No... what...?

CHIARIDA: MUSICAL MONTAGE!

''{A musical montage then ensues, showing the girls going out into the school grounds, handing out brochures regarding the Afterschool Girls Club. Sometimes dressed in penguin costumes, for no particular reason. Homestar Runner's song "partying" from the Strong Bad Email "montage" plays through-out the montage in question. At different points of the montage, a version of the Arrow'd Guy shows up in a comedically exaggerated Japanese art-style and when he is handed a brochure by an already exhausted Nani, it suddenly cuts to Arrow'd Guy chasing Nani down a long hallway with arrows firing rapidly from his mouth. Minikui tries to hand a brochure to The Visor Robot and The Visor Robot just immediately uses his laser eyes to incinerate the brochure and Minikui. After this, it cuts to Madamada putting make-up and a dress on 20X6 Tompkins in the girl's restroom and then him running away from her, as she chases him down the same hallway from earlier carrying two dresses. Cuts back to the clubroom, where Minikui is burned to a crisp leaving only a darkened skeleton, Nani is full of arrows and Madamada is just sad.}''

CHIARIDA: Well, that was entirely pointless!

STINKOMAN: {voice only} Fear not, ladies!

''{Madamada and Chiarida (the only ones who are not dead) turn to look to their left. The next panel is of Stinkoman with massive, bulging muscles and spectacular abs. It is clear that the ladies are all up ons!}''

MADAMADA: IT'S STINKO-BAD-MAN! AND HIS WELL-DRAWN ABS!

SELF-INSERT STINKOMAN: YES! IT IS I, THE GREATEST CHALLENGER OF ALL TIME! I'M HERE TO SAVE THE ORPHANAGE!

CHIARIDA: What... what about our club?

SELF-INSERT STINKOMAN: Wow. Uh, there's more going on in the world than your little problems. Get some perspective!

''{As Stinkoman says this, Madamada grows heart-eyes and he picks her up and swoops her out the window, flying like Superman. Some happy music plays, implying that this is a triumphant, happy ending where everybody wins. Stinkoman and Madamada fly off into the sunset.}''

SELF-INSERT STINKOMAN: You're not putting a dress on me.

''{Madamada looks disappointed. Cut back to the clubroom, where the camera just lingers on the burned and arrow'd bodies.}''

CHIARIDA: And if this day could not get any worse. Now I got to clean THIS up!

{Cut back to Stinkoman typing.}

STINKOMAN: And that's pretty much when I got fired. Yeah, apparently you're not allowed to insert yourself into an establish franchise as an almighty superhero-type that gets with one of the main girls. They said it was too much like "fanfiction". But, whatever. If I hadn't of gotten fired from that job, I wouldn't of gone on to become the champion of the known universe! So, I suppose everything worked out in the end. Anyway, I'm going to go get some pudding.

''{Stinkoman excuses himself, getting up from his chair and making his way to the kitchen. He opens the fridge and immediately throws his fists up.}''

STINKOMAN: WHO ATE THE LAST OF MY PUDDING?

1-UP: I ATE THE LAST OF YOUR PUDDING!

STINKOMAN: OH, IS THAT A CHALLENGE? I'LL BE SEEING YOU IN THE ARENA!

1-UP: Oh, boy! Is it Friday already?

''{A holographic paper comes down that says. "Click here to email Stinkoman, yer' noobs!"}''

1-UP: {looks up at the holographic paper} Who's that guy?

Fun Facts

 * This email portrays the 20X6 version of the Teen Girl Squad.
 * The names of the four main girls are literally English-to-Japanese Google translations of the words "cheerleader", "so and so", "ugly" and "what".
 * One of the flashback scenarios jokingly places Stinkoman in the final level of the NES video game, Super Mario Bros.
 * The prior flashback scenario is a reference to the popular television science fiction program, Star Trek.
 * The one before that one was a reference to the trading card game anime, Yu-Gi-Oh!.
 * The tone of Afterschool Girls Club was intended to come across as a blend of the original Teen Girl Squad and slice-of-life highschool girl animes. Such examples of which include Azumanga Daioh and Lucky Star.
 * It has become completely apparent that Kidstar's weeb is showing a little bit.
 * Of course, a reference is also made to the classic Limozeen: But, They're In Space!. Could this imply a shared universe between "Stinkoman Email" and "Limozeen: But, They're In Space!"? No.
 * The musical montage sequence features appearances from other Teen Girl Squad characters, Tompkins, The Visor Robot and Arrow'd Guy.