hpe/dvd4

Horrible Painting Emails Disc 4 was released on March 6, 2022. The disc includes emails #21-25.

FBI Warning
The FBI warning on Horrible Painting Emails Disc 4.

Cast (in order of appearance): Steven

Transcript
{The standard FBI warning text appears on a background with constantly shifting colors.}

TEXT: Federal law provides severe civil and criminal penalties for the unauthorized reproduction, distribution or exhibition of copyrighted motion pictures, video tapes or video discs. Criminal copyright infringement is investigated by the FBI and may constitute a felony with maximum penalty of up to five years in prison and/or a $250,000 fine.

STEVEN: Wa-hey-hey, if it isn't that ol' FBI warning screen! This screen and I go way back. Just like the trail I biked on to get here. I did a 220 in 4:45 without even&mdash; {the screen begins to fade out} Hey wait, let me finish!

Introduction
Introduction to Horrible Painting Emails Disc 4.

Cast (in order of appearance): Horrible Painting, The Goblin

Transcript
{Open to HP at the beach in sunglasses and a Hawaiian floral shirt, enjoying a drink with an umbrella in it.}

HP: Jeeves, fetch me my billfold. I wish to be showered in gold coins again.

GOBLIN: {walks onscreen} My name isn't Jeeves, and you have like two bucks.

HP: Hey, it's in pennies. So that's like... two thousand gold coins. Right?

GOBLIN: I wish I had time to correct your arithmetic, but we're late for the DVD.

HP: Aw, again? I just retired and I already gotta go back to work?!

GOBLIN: Your email show ended, that doesn't mean you're off the hook as far as supplemental content goes. We still have one DVD left on our contract.

HP: Fine. Commence videographic operation, Jeeves.

''{The camera zooms inside the painting and swings over to the Grody Nine. The menu selections are shown onscreen. About 30 seconds later, the camera cuts back to the Goblin sprinkling pennies on HP at the beach.}''

HP: How much is Boss paying us for this whole DVD thing anyway? I want a five-story painting with a six-story pool. And the pool should be filled with molten gold.

GOBLIN: He already paid us in advance.

HP: What?! Then where's my molten gold pool? My army of loyal cyborg butlers? My cut-of-the-edge five-hundred-foot-tall animatronic monument slash personal theme park?

GOBLIN: You spent it on that Hawaiian shirt. That's why you have like two bucks.

HP: I guess retirement isn't all it's cracked up to be, huh?

GOBLIN: It can be, if you know the right people. After all, we're the only people Cus lets visit his beach for free.

HP: Cus owns this beach? How on Earth did he get it?!

GOBLIN: Have you ever wondered why our show has such a small production budget? Cus's celebrity status gives him a lot of leverage in pay negotations. He doesn't work for cheap.

HP: I want to give that little re-reanimated corpse a figurative piece of my literal mind! Where is he, anyhow?

''{Cut to Cus swimming in a pool of molten-gold in his mansion. He peeks out of the gold and winks at the camera. Cut back to the menu.}''

Emails

 * 1. Games (Gfd and Goblin commentary)
 * 2. Photo Booth (Gfd, HP, and Jaundice Jerry commentary)
 * 3. Movie (Gfd, HP, and Dr. Evil Bad Guy Antagonist Character commentary)
 * 4. Jibblies 3 (HP and Goblin commentary)
 * 5. Finale (Gfd, HP, Goblin, Steven, Sir Photo, Gorblin, Jaundice Jerry, and Dr. Evil Bad Guy Antagonist Character commentary)

Bonus Stuff

 * BONUS THYME!
 * Choose a choice, choosey!


 * Mock Opera
 * Deleted Scenes
 * 25 Seconds
 * The Last Email Intros: Every email intro from #21-25.
 * Scroll Button Songs

Bonus Menu Transcript
''{The camera flies through the painting over to the Goblin's computer, on which the bonus menu is displayed. There is a brief silence.}''

GOBLIN: {voiceover; whispering} Uh, HP. That's your cue.

HP: {voiceover} Oh right. {clears throat} Wait, is there bonus stuff.

GOBLIN: {voiceover; whispering} You're supposed to put a question mark at the end.

HP: {voiceover} I'm retired, Jeeves. I can't be bothered with such things.

GOBLIN: {voiceover} I really wish you'd stop calling me Jeeves.

HP: {voiceover} And I really wish I was getting 24-karat-degree burns from the costly/caustic waters of my flesh-meltingly elegant molten gold pool. We can't always get what we want. Another refill of umbrella-flavored beach juice, please, Jeeves.

{After a 30 second pause, the Goblin's computer screen turns black and the Bad Graphics ghost appears on it.}

BAD GRAPHICS GHOST: {computerized beeps; the following text appears} Hey, uh, Goblin isn't here to give the usual spiel, so... just letting you know you should prolly choose something. If you don't... then I'll have to keep reminding you, and I really don't want to do that.

{The Bad Graphics Ghost disappears and the menu reappears.}

Fun Facts

 * The bonus stuff menu reads "Bonus Thyme".