Broternal Order Of Different Helmets/Arsene the Asinine

we begin as AVG is where he always is at this time: watching a game show

announcer: and the correct answer would be Cool Tapes, having warned about the dangers of sharp objects in two seperates ones of their number one jams: "My Face Please Don't Put Needles in It" and "A Bag of Four Grapes".

AVG: THAT SECOND ONE DIDN'T HAVE ANYTHING IN IT! That's it...these dudes must PAY. {Arsene blinks} {Arsene blonks} {Arsene blink-blink-blankety-blank-blank-blonks, I said-a blink, blonk, blinka-to-the-blonk, and a blink-blink-blonk-tonight ♩ } (now what you here is not a test I'm blinking to the beat-)

er I'll progress

AVG: The only logical course of action: join Cool Tapes {Cut to Marzipan's house} MARZIPAN: {singing} And that's why pants are important. ARSENE VIDEO GREG: {walks in} Hey. Lemme join your band. MARZIPAN: Mmm... gulp! {flashback of the last time she hired a new member she didn't like...} MARSHIE: Wiggle waggle wiggle waggle wiggle waggle go! {Arsene blinks} Marzipan: I'm... hesitant. ARSENE VIDEO GREG: All righty then. I'll leave. {leaves} Marzipan: (Thinking) Come on, it probably won't be as bad as that, give him another chance. (Offscreen) Yeah, you heard you, you! Marzipan: (Still thinking) Honstlar, what are you doing in my thoughts? Honstlar: Just using your head as storage. These hippie vegan storage lockers are way cheaper than normal ones. Marzipan: Wait, come back! (Arsene re-enters) Arsene: You rang? (Arsene blinks.) {Arsene blanks} Marzipan: (Nervously) It just so happens that we have an opening as....... a pianist! Arsene: (Looking at the camera) Goodnight, everybody! Marzipan: Look, do you want the spot or not? Arsene: I'll take it! (Arsene blink-182s and we cut to a shot of Arsene tickling the ivories.) ARSENE: This is my jam! {blinks to the beat} MARZIPAN: You know, this isn't half-bad! More like a quarter. The Cheat: (The Cheat Noises.) (Subtitles appear reading "He's like if Gary Busey wrote Beethoven's 5th Symphony.") AVG: Hey I just got an idea for our first song together. How about a second song to erase the Grapes song about needles and faces? Strong Mad: AL SHARPTON!! AVG: Is that your way of saying "sharp things" or is that a title suggestion? Strong Mad: BOTH!! {Cut to an empty concert stage. A crowd cheers.} THE ANNOUNCER: And now, for their newest song: Al Sharpton, by Arsene And The Cool Tapes! {Arsene And The Cool Tapes walks on stage} ARSENE: Wait, did we ever rehearse this song? Or write it? MARZIPAN: Um... maybe we can improvise. {The audience blinks repeatedly in lieu of applause. Arsene blinks at them in response.} ARSENE: A-one-two-three-GO! (The band starts playing an Imagine Dragons type song.) Marzipan: (Singing) When I'm walking down the street, seeing people blink. I imagine some really pointy things, what a weird thing to think! ARSENE VIDEO GREG: Knives are sharp, Spikes are sharp! Everything is sharp! Blades are sharp, Claws are sharp! Everything is sharp! Marzipan: When I step on a nail, I almost always shout. And when I touch a needle, red plasma comes out. AVG: Knives are sharp! Spikes are sharp! Everything is sharp! Quills are sharp! Arrows are sharp! Everything is sharp! (Cut to Strong Mad doing a bass solo.) Strong Mad: AL SHARPTON!! MARZIPAN: That's right! STRONG MAD: AL SHARPTON!! MARZIPAN: Every night! STRONG MAD: AL SHARPTON!! MARZIPAN: Outta sight! STRONG MAD: AL SHARPTON!! MARZIPAN: Without a fight! ARSENE VIDEO GREG: Knives are sharp! Spikes are sharp! Everything is sharp! Points are sharp! Pencils are sharp! Everything is sharp! BLINK SOLO!! {Arsene Video Greg performs a drum solo using his eyelids. It sounds identical to a real drum solo. Cut to the audience.} Now that's talent! I wish I could blink that well. You rock, Dad! Cool Tapes: AL SHARPTON!!! (The song ends and the crowd cheers) MILLIONAIRE RECORD MAN: Excuse me, is this Arsene And The Cool Tapes? ARSENE VIDEO GREG: It would seem to be that way. MILLIONAIRE RECORD MAN: I am the owner of a major record label. Your song Al Sharpton has reached the top of the charts, and we'd like to distribute your music. You'd make millions! AVG: Ill do it. But first I have to prove myself worthy. Take me to the bar. I gotta particpate in MUSIC TRIVIA NIGHT. Bartender: And for all the marbles, what year was it when ʎɥsols performed their half-time classic, "American Football Championship Game" at the Super Bowl? AVG: 2008! Bartender: Correct! So, with 19,860,027 points, Arsene Video Greg wins! AVG: Hall of Fame, here I come! {Cut to a music store} MILLIONAIRE RECORD MAN: Thank you, Mr. Gregory. Your song has already sold a million copies. Here's your sack o' cash for the day. {hands them a sack with a dollar sign on it} Congratatiulons, you're billionaires! ARSENE VIDEO GREG: This is wonderful! Wow, all this just to correct some game show. MARZIPAN: Wait, what did you just say?! AVG: Oh, I did all this because a game show incorrectly said that your first song was about sharp things. Marzipan: Who would do such a thing? (Cut to Homestar in the office.) Name the man that first walked on the moon. (Typing is heard.) Witches Brew. Homeschool Winner: (Writing down next to Homestar) and we will also accept graphic instead of generated. AVG: HOMESCHOOL. Honstlar, we must defeat him...with the power of Brain Quest. And rock I guess. Marzipan: How'd you see the flashback? ARSENE VIDEO GREG: I read the script before filming this episode. Defeating Homeschool Winner? Now that's a plot I can get behind! AVG: How will we accomplish this goal? I'm thinking... Psychological torment. AVG: Perfect! But how will we get into his mind? Oh, I know a way... (Cut to the interior of Homeschool's house which is decorated with trophies and self-portraits.) Homeschool: Ah, it's good to be the smartest person in Free Country. Having a huge ego is good too! {Cut to Honstlar and Arsene hiding behind a trophy shelf} We got all the supplies? AVG: 10-4 goof buddy.

Homeschool: Time to relax with only one radio station that I listen to - Wait what’s this?

AVG (speaking from inside the radio somehow): Our next song is NOT about Red Bookshelves of Tarter Sauce. (ditto) In fact, it’s called Blue Kumquat Fields of Wortschere Sauce. Stay tuned for tonight where we play exclusively songs with exactly 93 breaths of air gasped in between the words.

Homeschool: No. it can’t be happening. My only intellectual station got taken over by DJS WHO COMMENTATE INBETWEEN EVERY SONG EVEN WHEN THERES NOTHING TO SAY ABOUT IT! Just a reminder, next week is a nonstop marathon of songs about cheese. Homeschool: AHHH! (Homeschool turns off his radio.) Homeschool: Maybe a little PBS will get me in the right mood. (The TV turns on) TV Announcer: Stay tuned for a classic episode of the Bill Maher Kiss My Grits Happy Thyme Comic Book Musical. Homeschool: Not you too! (Homeschool changes the channel.) News Anchor: ...Further proving that Homeschool Winner is a big, ol' jerktweez. Homeschool: What?!? News Anchor: We now return you to your regularly scheduled mindscrew. (The TV explodes) (AVG and Honstlar are revealed in the rubble of the TV, Homeschool notices) AVG: Esse. Did you forget Homeschool is not my son? The Bill Maher Kiss My Grits whatchamareferit? What does that mean? I'll have you know I loathe John Oli-(notices Homeschool) Homeschool: What are you doing in my house? Dying. (AVG and Honstlar turn into skeletons.) Homeschool: What the crap is going on? (Offscreen) I don't know, why are you such a jerk? Homeschool: Honstlar? Are you a ghost? No duh. Homeschool: What did I do to deserve all this? If I listed all the reasons, It would take hours. AVG: (Also offscreen) But I've got a few choice cuts. (The TV reforms itself and becomes and episode of The King of Towns Very Own Quite Popular Talk Show) KOT: Tonight on the show Mike Meyers, Steve Martin, Martin Short, absolutely no Jennifer Aniston or musical guests, and a monolouge consisting entirely of lame anti-establishment communist jokes. Homeschool: PINCH ME IVE GONE TO HEAVEN! Wait is that right? KOT: No, it's pudding. (The TV turns into pudding.) Homeschool: No, no, NOOOOOO!!!! (Cut to the inside of Homeschool's head.) AVG and Honstlar: BAAHAHAHA! I love screwing with Homeschool's brain. AVG: This is awesome, manipulating his mind to think he's hearing, seeing and feeling insane crap, it's like writing a fanfiction! Alright, time for the big guns. AVG: Insane colors? Insane colors. (Homeschool slowly starts imagining all matter in the air turning into pure color) Homeschool: What is going on?!? (Still Offscreen) You are a very bad person, Homeschool. Unless you stop being a jerk, this will keep on happening. Homeschool: Okay, I'll stop writing phony answers for game shows! That's good enough. (Everything returns to normal.) Homeschool: Phew. (Homeschool calls up his boss.) Homeschool: Boss, I QUIT! (He hangs up the phone.) Homeschool: Well, that's done. (We cut to Honstlar looking at Homeschool through the window.) AVG: Ya got that right. Homeschool: What, you're not dead?!?!? Yeah, we were just screwin' with ya. AVG: Now, you'll never work in this town again. Homeschool: Wait, what? Yeah, we reported you to the Triple B, you've been blacklisted from working in trivia. AVG: Now you're just a smart-tweez jerkwad. Isn't that a show on Netflix? Homeschool: I'll get you for this! Mostly Honstlar, but you get the idea! (Homeschool blinks, then cut to AVG sitting in his chair like in the beginning.) {Arsene blinks} ARSENE VIDEO GREG: What is wrong with this helmet show?! It doesn't make any sense and is full of plotholes! How'd the purple midget get inside Homeschool's brain? And why am I in it? {changes the channel} TV Man: In other news, Homeschool Winner has passed away at the age of vanilla Jell-O. (Cut back to Homeschool) Homeschool: STOP DOING THAT!! AVG: Sorry. Your brain makes a terrible storage locker. Homeschool: JUST GET THE HELL OFF MY PROPERTY!! AVG and Honstlar: Yipes! (The two dash off.) {running} What do we do now? AVG: Now we watch TV until we find something that ticks us off so we can fix it in a convoluted way Ah, the Dan approach. {Cut to the Family Might/Could, drawn in an exaggerated cartoony style} SINGERS: Everyone knows what you probably would, even if you don't know what you even should! If all goes well, this will turn out quite good, everyone check out the Family Might/Could! ...Show. {"The Family Might/Could Show" title appears} THE FAMILY MIGHT/COULD: Shoehorn, lemon meringue! {Cut back to Arsene Video Greg and Honstlar watching} BOTH: AHHH!! Honstlar: Why would anyone greenlight this?! AVG: What I want to know is what kind of curse you get from watching this. A'ight. Let's... {shudder shudder} watch. Um... this. (Cut back to the show.) Some British Guy: The Family Might/Could is going out for a walk. FAMILY MIGHT/COULD: Cramped parsley. {eats a tree} {Another bunch of folded skin, green with a mustache, walks by} SOME BRITISH GUY: Here comes his friend, the Perhaps-Twice Ensemble. PERHAPS-TWICE ENSEMBLE: Plow plow plow plow. Family Might/Could: Bailed cabbage. What the crap are they saying?!? {Zoom out to reveal Arsene has a large, clunky, '80s-looking radio-headset-helmet device around his head, pulsing sound waves into the air} ARSENE VIDEO GREG: I have built a Family Might/Could Translator during the Perhaps-Twice Ensemble's first sentence. Wow, you're just like Homeschool. ARSENE VIDEO GREG: DON'T YOU SPEAK TO ME THAT WAY!! Family Might/Could: Stalked beef- How are you doing today? PERHAPS-TWICE ENSEMBLE: Strife. (Well, my good fellow, I have been doing extraordinarily these past few days, I must tell you. The happenings of my life have been infinitely superior to last week. For instance, on Tuesday I went to a restaurant which served my favorite foods. I used a coupon and it only cost $1.99.) Whoa. Who knew the word "strife" had such complex meaning among Family Might/Coulds? Family Might/Could: Canned bread. (Congratulations on your savings.) Perhaps-Twice Ensemble: Chives. (Thank you.) FAMILY MIGHT/COULD: PINECASTLES! (Let's go to space!) {Suddenly, they're floating in space} AVG: This may be the most horrifying thing I've ever seen, but this show would be great with a gallon of Blue Drink. Perhaps-Twice Ensemble: Fork, fork, fork! (METEOR!!!) (A meteor crashes into the camera then the TV cuts to a card featuring an anthropomorphic version of the tertiary lips with text saying "After these messages, we'll be right back." placed above it.) Announcer: We'll be right back with more The Family Might/Could Show after the world explodes. Thank goodness that's over. (Cut to a commercial.) {Cut to a blue screen, with a generic white box} ANNOUNCER: Buy this product! It cleans teeth! Dishwasher-safe! Long-lasting batteries! Use it as a prosthetic arm! Portable and waterproof! Hear what our buyers have to say about this product: {Cut to Gfd} {monotone} This product changed my life for the better. I never knew I needed a solar-powered left sock in my life. Thanks, this project. {squints} Wait, what's that say? Product. Thanks, this product. {Cut to Honstlar} Just one drop of this product cured me of my low blood sugar! Strong Sad: I am still dateless. Screw this product. Announcer: ORDER NOW! (Cut to everyone's favorite one-off Jonny Fark!) Jonny Fark: Welcome to an impromptu episode of Conspirys! Oh crap, it's Jonny Fark. AVG: Fark.com is a person? No, he's some crackpot who got your son imprisoned because he said that Teen Girl Squad was created to promote death. AVG: He's responsible?!? Yeah, but because he has a TV show about alien frogs and crap, he gets off scot-free! (AVG looks at the camera.) AVG: Ladies and gentlemen, we have a 2nd act. {Cut to the Jonny Fark stage} JONNY FARK: And next up, we have an interview with two Free Country USA citizens, claiming to have sighted a UFO resembling a helicopter. Please give a warm weclome to... Homstrall's Arson Video Games! Homstrall? But that's not- Jonny Fark: I don't care, now, Sketcho... AVG: Sketcho? Jonny Fark: Is it true that you've found evidence that proves the theory that toilet bowl cleaner turns the frogs into a hive mind ARSENE VIDEO GREG: {whispering to Honstlar} Okay, I'm at a loss here. Remind me, what was our plan again? (Whispering to AVG) I didn't say anything about a plan. AVG: Then why did you bring us here? I don't know, you're the main focus of this episode. ARSENE VIDEO GREG: Then let's just improvise. {to Jonny Fark} Yes, Jonny, we have found undeniable evidence of whatever theory you just said. Allow my accomplice, Honstlar, to explain. MmmGULP! The chemical has been identified as Ronobonogonolyde-72. Contrary to the specific theory you are referring too, the chemical is not found in toilet bowl cleaner, but rather in flushable wipes after a mining incident contaminated the solution used in the wipes with Simitanium. AVG: How did you come up with that? I have my secrets. Jonny Fark: Flushable wipes, huh. Interesting... so now what about subliminal messages encouraing us all to cross our legs and use the light feature on Discord ARSENE VIDEO GREG: Oh yes, that. The wipes also cause subliminal messages. JONNY FARK: How, specifically. ARSENE VIDEO GREG: The fabric emits unhearable radio signals that enter your brain, using a special kind of fabric that conducts select electricity. JONNY FARK: Fascinating. Might I see an example? Certainly. Here, have one. {hands Jonny Fark a wipe} (Cut to a POV of Jonny looking at the wipe. We briefly see text that says "Apologize for the TGS incident.") Jonny Fark: What the Beibler was that?! AVG: That was proof! JONNY FARK: Excuse me, viewers, but I have just gotten a subliminal message to apologize for the Teen Girl Squad incident. So... I apologize. Thank you for your patience. You're welcome. JONNY FARK: WHA— Hey, wait a minute! Arson, you're Teen Girl Squad, aren't you? And Honesty, you must be his accomplice! ARSENE VIDEO GREG: What are you talking about? We're innocent! Jonny Fark: Nah, I was just messin' with ya! All: (Laughter) (Cut to a shot of AVG and Honstlar watching TV) So what's next? AVG: We inflitrate that crappy NPR Radio station...which exists now somehow, and find out why they never shut up. Grood idea. INTO THE RADIO! {They walk over to a radio and get vacuumed inside of it} {echoey voiceover} We should be there in no time! AVG: Why are you so inclined to skadoo yourself into objects? Uhh... Internet? {Cut to National Public Radio} SB undefined {radio host voice} Weclome, listeners, to smooth n' smarmy public radio. According to government officials, internet has caused a steady increase in skadooing oneself into inanimate electronics, as we have witnessed in a recent report from unknown sources. You're listening to member-supported... public radio. Oh, and you'll never get your tote bag. {radio jingle plays} (Record scratch) AVG: We interrupt this break to bring you something way better. It's Two Guys and The Games! AVG: Today's selection is Donkey Kong 3. What was in Miyamoto's drinking water when he decided to only use Stanley the Bugman once!? Ol' Stan had potential beyond spraying Flit on Donkey Kong's tweez. AVG: We'll also take a long at DK II and discuss why Mario should be a villan again Yes. Frankly, Mario should be arrested on multiple counts. Property destruction, burglary, breaking and entering, and power-up abuse. ARSENE VIDEO GREG: My point exactly. And what did Donkey Kong ever do wrong? Nothing! Except kidnapping that lady from the first game. But she prolly deserved it. ...wait weren't we trying to find that boring contemporary Irish station with the NOR dudes AVG: That can wait. Oh. Anyways, You're wrong actually! According to some tie-in materials, DK also escaped from the circus he was in. AVG. wait. Hold the phone. Why was he in a circus again? Oh doo, a normal gorilla from the zoo, so mystical. He was in a circus, because... you know... gorillas. {Gfd peeks in} He's an ape. ARSENE VIDEO GREG: Get outta here, kid! Have you seen the cartoon, he can say his own name! AVG: There was a cartoon based on the arcade game? Yeah, in the early 80's. (A soundbite of Soupy Sales from the Donkey Kong cartoon plays) Soundbite: DOOONNNKEY KONG! AVG: Scratch that, make that a normal gorilla from the zoo who can say "donkey". At least Soupy didn't voice him in the DKC cartoon. ARSENE VIDEO GREG: There's one thing that's been concerning me for years on end. What kind of sane person would name an ape "Donkey"? I can't think of a clever response so I'll tell you the factual answer: Miyamoto somehow believed "donkey" is American slang for stubborn. So I'd say count your lucky stars...if he had gotten his facts right we'd be stuck with Mule Kong. AVG: Isn't that the name of the weird Nintendo-approved bootleg? Nah, you're thinking of Crazy Kong. AVG: Oh. I'm just gonna say this, Cranky Kong is one of the best old man characters in all of Nintendo. AVG: What about the old man from Zelda? : Wait I just remember what I wanted to do. My one goal in life. You don't mean That's right. We're gonna mindscrew the Before and After and Rhyme Time Jeoppardy catagories back into Wheel of Fortune where they belong. {Strong Bad walks in} SB undefined {singing} Oh, going to host a radio show, nothing is unusual here... {speaking} Whoa!! Hey, what's going on?! I just left for the commercial break! I was makin' a sandwich!! Sorry, Stro Buh, but this is our show now. SB undefined Well, if it isn't Honstlar and... uh, Sid Frenchman? Sorry, I've never met this other guy. Arsene Video Greg. Nice to meetcha. SB undefined Oh jeez. Another Greg? Does that mean I created you? {cricket sounds} Arsene, why are you making cricket sounds? You know, for atmosphere. Awkward silence. What, you've never heard cartoon crickets before? Yeah, but you don't actually have to make the sound. There's no crickets inside a radio building. Now be quiet, I have to make silence. {cricket sounds} {Pause. Real cricket sounds are heard.} SB undefined Whatever. Just gimme my show back. {takes the microphone} Weclome back, viewers. Er— listeners. Don't forget to donate to support this radio station. This next month... I'm-a settin'-up to make it about-a five-a-hundred-a dollabrada-bradas. That's not even sense-make! SB undefined Doesn't matter, man. It's my radio. ...Station. We need it for our gaming show! SB undefined I need it so I can not give people tote bags! 2 against 1!! (We hear them having a classic cartoon fight.) : Wait Strong Bad. Can we make amends. We can unite in our goal SB undefined what goal (Honstlar rewinds to my last post) SB undefined Hmm. Something about Jeopardy and Wheel of Fortune, huh? Sure, I'm in. Got nothin' better to do. 'Cept this radio show, but whatever, they're not paying me enough anyways. Oh, and uh, you realize the radio's still on, right? {Cut to a radio} SB undefined {voiceover} Oh stanch! {static} VOICE: The signal has been disconnected. In the meanwhile, here's an audio track from the annual Ira Glass and Ira Flatow wrestlement last Tuesday. {Cut to the Jeopardy stage} Alex Trebek: Welcome to Jeopardy! I'm Alex Trebek and my contract says I have to do this crap for 2 more years. Let's meet the contestants. Trebek: First of we've got...some sort of French sterotype with a large potbelly (Honstlar is stuffed into Arsene's shirt) Trebek: some Indian guy who makes small chat whenever possible and likes to say "same catagory" when applicable (Arsene is fuming) Trebek: And Claire Bishop. : Isn't this weird? : She's had worse. Claire Bishop: ...You did make sure to Witness Protection me into somebody else Trebek right? RIGHT? (Captain Rooster watches eagerly in his run down van, back to Arsene) Wait is this the Teachers Tornument? How'd I get here? I did technically, being a teacher of the BOD- Trebek: Enough chitchat, catagory one: Words that could convicebly sound like other words if you deleted all letters except the u (Arsene is even more upset) 2... We gotta find out where these crappy pun catagories come from Trebek: Hey Diddle Diddle, Malcolm in the Middle. 3... Septuple Rhyme Time. 4. Movie Logos. 5. Pun-tastic. What's with all these pun categories? Alex Trebek: And 6: Country and Nu Metal Songs That Begin with the Letter N What the type of thing is nu metal? AVG: I'll tell you when you're older. I'm 26! Ok then. Once upon a time white trash thought it could rap. They couldn't. Happy? Happy as the word "happy" written on a bathroom wall! Trebek: So, with all that out of the way, let's play Jeopardy! The Indian Guy: I'll take Pun-tastic for 200. TREBEK: Excellent choice. And the question— er, answer, whatever— is... (The whatever it is appears in traditional Jeopardy! fashion.) Trebek: "The world's easiest hands-free can opener" is what this tropically themed product claims to be. The Indian Guy: What is the Tou-Can? Trebek: Correct. RRRGH... That is the worst thing I've heard all hour. TREBEK: And sketchy Frenchm'n over here, what category will you choose? (Grumbling) I'll take Hey Diddle Diddle, Malcolm in the Middle for $300. It wasn't so bad really. At least thats a preexisting pun and not a-wait doesn't that guy go again if he got it right? Trebek: I honestly don't care, my wife is baking a cake, so I want to make this go faster. (The questoanswer appears) "This item is chocolate-flavored with frosting and candles." What is the cake Ms. Trebek is baking? Trebek: HOW DID YOU KNOW IT WAS CHOCOLATE!?!? Trebek: Er I mean - its a giant chocolate chip cookie. Like the time for the birthday. Wait, who said anything about a birthday? Whose birthday is it? Is it mine?! Can I come to the party? I can bake a mean cupcake. (Gfd pops in) Did someone say cupcake? Get outta here, blueheadfaceman! What is the American revolution? What is wheat? What is a box of cheese? What is nine styles? What is corn-on-the-cob? What is Elvis? What is pasta salad? TREBEK: Mr. Garbles, you have just correctly gotten the answers to all of the questions! You get $1,000,000! I'm a mills bills! HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE!?!?!?! (Alex pulls out the very large rulebook for Jeopardy!) Trebek: Rule #20151611511: If a random dumb animal character interrupts the game and somehow correctly answer all the questions, (Including Final Jeopardy questions) said DAC will win the prize. wait a minute I just remembered my secret agenda. Gimme dat (snatches rulebook) pun catagories, where's it explain the pun catagories? Ah here we are under "The Wheel of Fortune Exchange Service" Exchange Service, what's that? Mysterious Voice: I can answer that for you. Whoa! A mysterious voice! Who are you, Unknown Vocal Chords? AND WHAT DO YOU WANT WITH MY BRAN FLAKES?!?! MYSTERIOUS VOICE: I am the Wheel of Fortune Exchange Service. Whatever that means. What do I do? How does this thing work? Why aren't you Pat Sajak? WOFES: Why aren't you glad I'm not Sajak? Uh... Poor writing? WOFES: Good enough. So, why are you called the Wheel of Fortune Exchange Service, and what do you do, and how do I do it? WOFES: It's a long and complicated story involving keys, so I won't tell it, but to make a long story short, Wheel and Jeopardy share each other's lameness. Are you telling me that if there's something in Jeopardy I don't like, I can just exchange it for something cool from Wheel of Fortune? This makes perfect sense! Now I know why Jeopardy has wrong answers and pun categories all the time. The Jeopardy Exchange Service must've exchanged it from Wheel of Fortune! I can hardly understand a word you just said. Trebek: Could you please rephrase that entire conversation in the form of a question? Honstlar: NO. (Cut to Gfd, Honstlar, and AVG watching TV trying to find something else to fix.) TUCKSWORTH: You can't eat an entire cow, Caleb! CALEB: I just did. {music} Classic Caleb. We've seen this episode 40 times in a row! Maybe it's a marathon of the best episodes, but the network only likes this one. Why do they keep playing the same episodes? I'ma look it up. {gets a phone out of his hat and types something} Hey, how did you get my phone? You guys! This show ended 13 years ago! Homestar shot him for the season finale! That's why we're watching the same episodes. We've been watching reruns this whole time! Reruns? Reruns can't do justice to Earth's greatest TV shaow! We have no choice... we must BRING BACK CALEB RENTPAYER! This is what I was meant to live for!! {Cut to a large white mansion} Gfd, how on Earth do you know where Caleb Rentpayer's actor lives? It's all up here. {taps his head} You can remember where peoples' houses are?! No, I was pointing at my hat. {pulls a map out of his hat} I have directions to every house in the country. That's disturbing. {rings the doorbell} (The door opens, revealing someone who bears a striking resemblance to Caleb.) Greetings, Jorn Gandle! Jorn: Hey, Gfdgsgxgzgdrc, long time, no see! He knows you? He knows how to pronounce the blue guy's name?!?! Oh yeah, I have some ties to the film industry. Hast thou forgotten my starring role in Dangeresque 9.71? You always seem unbelievably convenient to the plot. Anyway, Jorb, we came here to talk to you about something... JORN: Oh no, it's not Caleb Rentpayer, is it? Ugh, I am so tired of everyone talking about that show. I quit for a reason, you know. Oh. Uh... Caleb Rentpayer? No! No, that's not what we're here for at all. We wanted to talk to you about, uh... ...A new show! Yeah! Um, it's about a cool guy and his butler... um, and he disobeys orders and all that! We're calling it "Carlin Billsaver". Although we might change the name laters on. Jorn: So, the butler disobeys? Precisely! Jorn: I'm in, but only if I can play the butler. Done! (Cut to a Strong Bad Studios soundstage.) SB undefined You guys are rebooting Caleb Rentpayer? That's awesome!! Yeah, but secretly. Jorn hates Caleb Rentpayer. SB undefined Ah, gotcha. {Honstlar walks over to Jorn} Hey man, we just polled a test audience. They found the name "Caleb Rentpayer" a lot more better than "Carlin Billsaver". JORN: Sounds good to me. As long as it's a different show. Oh and by the way, we replaced you with Jamtowne Greggerly. We thought it was a better casting choice. JORN: What?! Didn't he play the butler in Caleb Rentpayer? I mean, the old Caleb Rentpayer? Yeah, but don't worry! You can still be in the show. You'll be the titular character. JORN: You know what, that's even better than playing a butler! I'm in. (Cut to Strong Bad holding a clapperboard.) SB undefined Caleb Rentpayer Revival: Scene 1, Take 1. (Clap!) (Off-screen) And... ACTION! Tucksworth: Caleb, you can't open a Dairy Queen at this hour! Caleb: You can't boss me around! {Music} {Cut to Gfd in his director costume from Review Revue} No, no, no, cut. Hey, who let you be the director? I have elected myself for this role, my good fellow. If you have a problem with it, you are free to contact my superiors in the film industry. Now, where were we? SB undefined You said cut. For, like, no reason. Ah, splendid. Now, I want you actors to ask yourselves a simple question... JORN: When were waffles invented? I dunno. Ask someone else. No, a different question, Mr. Gandle. I wish you to ask yourself... is this really how the first episode should begin, especially for such a notable occasion? JORN: Maybe. What do you have in mind? Now, Mr. Gandle, imagine for a moment that this is a reboot of the old Caleb Rentpayer... which it obviously isn't, of course. But hypothetically, if if were such, the show should begin in a way that introduces the characters again, explains why you're still alive, and such forth. Now, as you remember, Mr. Runner shot your character in the season finale... JORN: Yeah. ...And now, here you are, playing a different character in, um, a completely different show. Ought you to perchance explain the circumstances betwixt this mishap? JAMTOWNE: He has a point. This moment has been anticipated for ten years. It should prolly be more than just a Dairy Queen question. Wonderful, Mr. Greggerly. Action! {Cut to a slow panning shot of a city in ruins.} NARRATOR: Since the death of Caleb Rentpayer thirteen years ago, the city has delved into chaos... (Cut to a cyborg facing a potted plant with a human femur.) Cyborg: Gimmie all yo' moneys! (The potted plant explodes into a bunch of comic books about faucets) Narrator: ...Pure unadulterated chaos. {Cut to a slow zoom-in of a cave in the desert} NARRATOR: But there is a glimmer of hope amidst the tradegy. Er... tragedy? Is that how— tradegy... yeah, no, it's tragedy. Let me start over. {The screen flashes with a "bip"} NARRATOR: But there is a glimmer of hope amidst the tragedy. In the middle of an ambiguous desert, in a gray rocky cave... there is a thing. A thing... that will change the universe forever. Or for the next few years, I dunno. (Cut to the interior of the cave.) Tucksworth: You can't rise from the dead! (Pan to Caleb, who is sporting a 5-o'clock shadow.) Caleb: I can try. {A black background appears. "CALEB RENTPAYER" is written, with "THE NEW" stamped above it.} NARRATOR: THE NEW CALEB RENTPAYER. Episode 1: The Undeadening of Caleb. {Cut to Arsene's house, where he, Honstlar, and Gfd are watching TV} Ooh! And this'm's the best part. {Cut to the town, still in chaos. Music plays.} TUCKSWORTH: You can't save the world, Caleb! {The town returns back to normal} CALEB: I just did. (Cut back to AVG, Gfd, and Honstlar.) All: Woo-hoo! It's official, We've succeeded in bringing back Caleb. What's next on the list? I don't know, let's see. (AVG changes the channel.) CHARACTER 1: Baybobaybo. CHARACTER 2: Bahbo bahbaybo mahpo mahpo. STRONG BAD: Ohh, look at that. Character 1... is going to have a time, far out! Oh jeez. Just look at this garbage. It's for the littlest tiniest babies. Yeah, of course it is. That's the target audience. Well, I'll not stand for this! I want to make Yonder Website a gritty, realistic action drama for older people! Who's with me? Can it be funny too? Sure, why the crap not? I'm here too. {Cut to the outside of Faceless Megacorp Industries Headquarters. Cut to the inside. It's gray and bland.} Well, here we are. Faceless Megacorp. All we needs to gots to do now is find the TV show business! That's gonna be tough. Why? Because I forgot to bring a third Anti-Smarty Juice patch- BAYBOBAYBOBAYBO! {Gfd transforms into Character 0.G} Beedaddlediddledeedlydeebeedeebeedoo. We need to find the show-make place. And fast! Excuse me, sir... CEO: Greetings, lowly lifeform. I am Richard C. Kashmaster III, the CEO of Faceless Megacorp. Ordinarily, I'd be in my billion-dollar office, counting my money, but today I decided to see how my faceless employees were doing. Now, what were you saying? Boodlebabameepmorp! What he means is we need you to stop turning everyone into children's cartoon characters! This is so unethical! CEO: What do you know about ethics!? Uh.... Internet? CEO: Ah, Internet. I invented that, you know. What is it that Faceless Megacorp does, anyway? CEO: We do everything. Furniture sales... tech support... sponsoring childrens' programming... Speaking of childrens' programming, we need you to do two things. CEO: What, exactly? 1. Turn this blue man back into a blue man. 2. Direct us toward the TV studio for Characters from Yonder Website. CEO: Of course I'll do that! $499.98, please. (Honstlar hands the CEO a wad of cash) CEO: Normally I would demand exact change, but it is my The Cheat Day, so... I'll do those things! Hooray! Gloopgopp! CEO: Good thing I happen to have some Anti-Smarty Juice on me... here, little man, have some of this. {hands Character 0.G a bottle} {drinks} Gulpgulpgulpgulp! {transforms back into Gfd} Phew! That was exhausting. CEO: And the television studios are on the north side of the building. Thanksm'n! {They walk over there. Cut to the Yonder Website studio.} (Cut to office) Boss: Do you have any experience? You can’t work and and completely revamp Yonder Website unless you make a whole episode of a show here. Right now? I believe so. (All of a sudden the backdrop becomes a Roger and Ebery like Room) Come all ye faithful to Two Guys and the Games. Today under the microscope: Doki Doki Literature Club. What a boring overdone "Self-aware" video game under the guise of an even more overdone visual novel. Seriously, out of all genres, they chose the one that puts it on the same level as a billion games with the word "sakura" in the title on Steam. And level 943 is the worst. Seriously, the only way to win is to pour 3 tons of cottage cheese on your gaming system until it attracts a wandering herd of goats, which will eat the cheese and stomp your console out of existence. Then you have to call the repairman, Videlectrix Olaf, to fix your console, and before he leaves, you have to pay him $49.50 to finish the level for you. I don’t know what version YOU were playing....but not gonna lie it sounds better. Yeah, it woulda meant that programmer of “No joking about the pink-haired chick lest someone feel sad” had the stinking common courtesy to prog-wait, where’d GFD come from? it’s our clever midreview skit. Him being here is our satire on the fact that this game passes off random stuff happening cause “my hacking skills”. (Honstlar is gone and replaced with a pixelated mess) oh. How do scary. (Whips out a giant garbage can) whatever shall I do to get my friend back. (Merely pulls him out of the recycle bin, mess disappears) CEO: I’m liking what I’m seeing here. Nice chemistry. What—?! I— I've been here this whole time! Since the Jeopardy thing. Oh. Guess I didn't notice. Anyway! For our final review, we give this game 0.47/14.89. Good gameplay, terrible story, average but less than expected graphics, and uncontrollable physics engine. We recommend this game to criminals and Grumblecake-eaters. Thank you, and this has been Two Guys and the Games. CEO: Wonderful! I'm promoting you three to Executive Programming Revampinators. You have the ability to remake Yonder Website! Sweet! {Cut to Honstlar, Gfd, and Arsene arriving at the Yonder Website studio. There is a blue backdrop on the wall, and cardboard cutouts of the characters. An office is nearby, full of people animating on computers.} You mean this show isn't filmed in live action? ANIMATOR: Nope. We just film it with the cardboard cutouts, and digitally replace them with the actual characters using CG. ARLINGTON: {swoops in from above} CG is the meaning of liggityliggitylife! {poofs away} This is just great. How are we supposed to remake the show now? Hey, Garbles. You still have that Anti-Smarty Juice from the CEO? You betcha! {takes out the Anti-Smarty Juice} This'll be easier than pie. {takes the juice} {Honstlar runs around and pours Anti-Smarty Juice on everyone's computers, laughing maniacally. The computers begin to glitch and spark as the animators complain. Cut to Arsene's house, where Honstlar, Gfd, and Arsene are watching TV.} Now, let's see if that Anti-Smarty Juice worked. {Cut to the opening title screen. Realistic versions of Characters 1 and 2 are shown, and the title appears.} SB undefined {narrating} Criminals from Overthere City. Sponsored by Anti-Smarty Juice. (devilish smile)....I just got an idea. (Cut to Who Wants to Be a Millionare offices) I thought you liked this show. I do. Landlines are cool. You know your mom was supposed to be a phone a friend at one point...but they rejected her. Greg’s Mom you mean? Anyway let’s try it here before WoF. {Honstlar sprays Anti-Smarty Juice all over the office. Cut to Honstlar, Gfd, and Arsene watching the show.} This oughta be good. We just de-Smarty Juicized something that's already de-Smarty Juicized... this is gonna be crazy. ANNOUNCER: Welcome to the Anti-Smarty Juice special edition of... Who Wants To Be A Millionaire? Huh? Nothing's happening. It looks the same. Odd. Maybe it's because Anti-Smarty Juice doesn't work on anything without Smarty Juice. {The show's studio turns blue, and the contestants become drawings. SRMX12 walks in.} On the contrary, Game Show Greg! Anti-Smarty Juice, if used on a lack of Smarty Juice, causes a chemical reaction reverting it back to Smarty Juice! After all, Anti-Smarty Juice is just negative Smarty Juice, and two negatives make a positive! Therefore, the Anti-Smarty Juice and the lack of Smarty Juice combine to form a positive substance of Smarty Juice! As represented by the equation, if x - x = 0, then 0 - x = -x * 2 = x! x representing Smarty Juice, obviously. English, please. I was speaking English. Regular English. That Anti-Smarty Juice did the opposite. {Cut back to the show} ANNOUNCER: Beebahbeebohdoodlydoo? CONTESTANT: Squeesquahsqueesquah. SB undefined {voiceover} Oh my styles. It looks like Contestant 3... a-wants to be a millionaire, that's right. Regis: Doorknobdoorknobdoornob. I guess what I said about him liking doors was grounded in truth. But I thought he liked- (Gfd suddenly becomes slightly Smarty Juiced.) What the?! Uh oh, It seems that since the effects of the Anti-Smarty Juice were inverted, and you drank some of it earlier, it must have turned what little-undigested juice there was in your system back into normal Smarty Juice. Luckily, there wasn't enough to make the side effects too strong. So what you're saying is that Gfd got Smarty Juice'd, but only sorta? Yeah, if you put it that way. Oh no, you guys! My gumption has deetdeetdotdeedaow all the beedleboddle please help mahpahamahpoditdawditditdawdyoople, Character H! I can not understand a word of what you just said. Jeez. I said grapplegrobbledeedledew all my spice of life, far out! Guys. I have an idea. But you're not gonna like it... That's right, Character X12. Baybobaybo. To return Character 0.G back to normal, we'll need Semi-Anti-Smarty Juice. Which currently doesn't exist. So we're gonna have to break into the Smarty Juice factory and make some! I am not a character, I am a free baseboardbaseboard!! I wasn't trying to say "Character 0.G", I was just saying Character 0.G. The crap? What's going on?! Quick question, what does my shirt say? {Quick note: His shirt still says "honstlar"} Isn't it obvious, it says Character H. Okay, we need to do this fast. This is not far out! Characters, to the Smarty Juice factory, mahpomahpo! {They bend their knees all the way to the Smarty Juice factory. They are starting to become slightly more Yonder Website-looking.} Diddlydabblydoobliedoo Smarty Juice factory? Far out. {They walk through the door} You got a recipe, Char- I mean Glasses Guy? I'll try to think of something. That's right. French Narrator: One Far-Out Something Thinking Of Later... That's right. So, this Semi-Anti-Smarty Juice (far out) is like Anti-Smarty Juice, but less potent. Enough to meepmomeepmo back to your normal self. So how do we make this spice, Character X12? I mean, Character X12? I mean, Character X12? Maybe we have to find what ingredients are in Anti-Smarty Juice, and baybobayboatamadabadeauh. {Gfd now looks exactly like a Yonder Website character} Mahpobabybomahpobaybobuh. Pardon? Bobbalobbarahrolobbabobbadoo. Oh gumption! He's turned all the way into bayboblahbo Yonder Website character! Not far out! Hey, characters! Character X12... has just found a list of ingredients far out! What does it say? It's just a bunch of chemicals, that's right. So... basically, mahpomahpobaybobaduhbadoobaduh ingredients, and only add half? Exactly correct, Character 0.G, farout! (in Narrator Strong Bad's voice) So looks like the Cartoon Characters... a-need to find-a those beediddledaddledaowbledoo ingredients. Shut up, narrator!! Oh, it seems that Character H... Is cheesed off. That's right. (Honstlar curls up on the floor) I can't hear you! LALALALALALALA... (The la-las continue in the background.) Let's get going before Character H loses more than just his gumption. SB undefined {Offscreen} And so the Characters went on a stroll to find the ingredients that would set them free... (The group starts walking.) Remember when this toon was about- Wai-tabletabletable- an idea. Gumption gumbo gum and gargle is it? {holds up sign saying "kill him"} I agree, let's baybo the crap outta him! Far out. {They beat up Gfd/Character 0.G} Mahpobabobbalobbarahroloo! Hold it! (The fight stops.) I meepmololopo the off-screen narrator, not Char- I mean Blue Teeth Guy. Oh. SB undefined {voiceover} You characters can't defeat me, farout, because I'm just a voice! He's ririblibleeblooblight. How can we kill a voice? Larengytis? Baybobaybo-brilliant! How are we supposed to garblegarble something like that gumption, farout? Make baybobahbobeebo talk a lot, that's right! Hello, the narrator, tell us about your spice of life, far out. SB undefined Okay, my spice is AAAUUUGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!! {A loud popping noise is heard and the screen briefly flashes white.} Well, that was farout. I mean, quick. Character X12! Find th—meepo—gredients as soon a—pomahpaboh! Mabbitydoo! {walks away} Oh no, not far out! We're almos—faroutmeepmopemeepmope—onder Website! We need to be quick, that's right! {Arsene turns into Character Arsene} Beediddledaddlediddledaddlediddledaddledoo? Nooo! First Character 0.G, now Character Arsene! When—meepitymeepitymopemopemope—it end?! {comes back with jars of chemicals} Abatatomatabeedobayduh ingredients, Character H! Mix them up twice styles now, that's right! (SRMX12 quickly mixes all the chemicals together and takes a sip, restoring him to normal.) It worked! Beebohbeebodeedledaddledoh! Quick farout—mabpobabybohbybeebo—to—mahpomahpofarout—that's right, before I—meepmeepmoMOMEEMO... {Honstlar turns into Character H} Rahrohreerobleeblosleesloh! Garbledigookgribblegrabblegroo! Beedeedlydoodlydoddlydiddlydee! Nooo! Now everyone is Smarty Juiced except me! Here! Drink this now! (SRMX12 makes everyone take a sip, restoring them.) Finally, I'm normal again! Define normal. Speaking of words perhaps? The ability to speak does not make you normal. I mean, look at this guy. HS undefined AaAaAaAah built a patio in the subwoofers! You raise a good point, oh mighty wizard. So, uh... are we going to keep watching TV and fixing shows, or what? Nope! I've got a better idea. {Cut to the Pillquarters. They walk in and go through a door.} Hey, this is the B-Team Headquarters. Why are you taking me here? ...And what's that behind your back? Oh, nothing. Really? What is it? Can I see it? Looks like a hat. Arsene, I have something to announce... {Arsene blinks nervously} {gets a graduate cap from behind his back} By the power invested in me, I hereby declare you, Arsene Video Greg, member of the B-Team! {puts the cap on Arsene} Woah, that was way less dangerous than I thought. (Homestar pops in.) Yes, a new subject! Finally, a new guy! Fried beans on rice, Jakey Three-Styles! Did you just call me Jakey Three-Styles? In-Dooble, and Dooble, and Dooblie-doobitibly! {Everyone laughs. EDITED Video Greg walks in.} Hey everyone, I'm back from my lunch break and— wait a minute!! Why is my dad wearing a helmet?! Oh yeah, he's a B-Team member now. Whaaat? When did this happen? Just a few seconds ago. But... he's not even a good guy! I am now! Also, now he's my friend. How? We went inside Homeschool Winner's brain together. Then we translated Family Might/Coulds, went on a talk show and made up a theory about frogs and toilet bowl cleaner, teleported into the radio and reviewed games, and went on a game show. Then I came by and we rebooted Caleb Rentpayer, broke into Faceless Megacorp, reviewed games to get permission to change Characters from Yonder Website into a gritty adult drama, Smarty Juiced a game show, and accidentally Smarty Juiced ourselves. Then I stopped by and helped them break into the Smarty Juice factory, mix together some chemicals, and return them to their usual selves. Also, I became a millionaire after collaborating with Cool Tapes. WHAAAT?! Yeah, this has pretty much been the best day of my life. Now, who's up for Blubb-O's, 'cause food's on me!! (Everyone cheers.) (END.) Click on the N to see an Easter egg. {Cut to Blubb-O's, where Arsene, Honstlar, Gfd, SRMX12, EDITED Video Greg, Dean, Homestar, and Dooble are enjoying their meals} So lemme get this straight. Caleb Rentpayer is back? Because of you? You betcha. And you blinked an entire drum solo? Correct. And you have the ability to skidoo yourself into technology?! As always! Man. A lot of stuff has happened. More butter, please. Garbles, I think you ate the entire restaurant's food. {Arsene blinks} {Everyone else blinks} (END FOR REALS.) HOORAH!!!!!!