Stinkoman Email/9

Stinkoman Email #9: Origin

Summary: Stinkoman tells the story of how he first met 1-Up and Pan Pan. Although, it becomes evident that he is an unreliable narrator.

Cast (in order of appearance): Stinkoman, 1-Up, Pan Pan

Places: Stinkoman Headquarters, The Field

Date: September 30, 2020

Stinkoman Email #9: Origin
''{As you may expect, Stinkoman is sitting at his computer and opening his email client to... well, check an email.}''

STINKOMAN: Oh man, those first four hundred emails were not so good. Maybe the next one will be better.

{An email pops up on his screen.}

STINKOMAN: WHAAAT is this? Some sort of a challenge in the form an email?

Dear Stinkodabor,

Why won't you let 1-Up be the guy?

From, TheStick

{Stinkoman starts typing out his email response.}

STINKOMAN: Oh, man. Oh, man. Way to start this email on a downer. The fact of the matter is that I haven't seen 1-Up for the past month or so and I'm not going to lie. I'm honestly starting to miss the guy.

{Stinkoman clears his screen and resumes his typing.}

STINKOMAN: That isn't to say that he is the "the guy". But, he certainly is "a guy". You know what I am saying? Uh, let me start over. You asked why I wouldn't let 1-Up be "the guy" and the truth is that the status of "guy" isn't as clear-cut as just giving him the title. I don't have that authority. I can only push him in the direction of what it takes to be considered "the guy" by the public at large.

{He resumes typing.}

STINKOMAN: Being "the guy" isn't too dissimilar to what being an Internet celebrity was to people of the early 21st century. It has a lot to do with marketability and steering clear of controversy. Whether or not you are "the guy" is dependant on what the general public thinks of you and it can be taken away in mere seconds. It's not like there's some big corporation out there who is in charge of who is and isn't "the guy". Ya'know what I'm saying?

''{He exhales to himself and looks to the right of his computer. It is clear that he is thinking about 1-Up.}''

STINKOMAN: When I first met 1-Up, he had so much potential despite only being just a kid. I told him that maybe when he was older, he could totally, totally, totally be the guy. Let's cue up one of them flashbacks.

''{The screen fades to white and when it fades back in. A younger version of 1-Up wearing a shirt with two small stars instead of one big one is standing out in The Field with the city buildings in the background. He has a higher-pitched voice and bigger eyes to signify his youth.}''

YOUNG 1-UP: I have absolutely no idea why I came out here.

{An explosion goes off in the background.}

YOUNG 1-UP: Huh? What was that?

''{The young 1-Up starts running toward the explosion, receding into the background. The camera quickly zooms into the explosion, allowing us a clear view of what caused it. A young Stinkoman is jumping out of one of the city buildings and lands on the road below, holding a mysterious paper bag.}''

YOUNG STINKOMAN: I'll come back and rescue the rest of you nice ladies after I get these chicken tenders back to the orphanage!

{The camera pans slightly to the right as young Stinkoman attempts to run off, but bumps into a star-struck young 1-Up just standing there.}

YOUNG STINKOMAN: What the deuce?!

YOUNG 1-UP: Woah, that was amazing! The way you jumped out of that explosion!

YOUNG STINKOMAN: Uh, yeah. I just got done doing an epic anime fight scene with giant robots, giant chickens and giant squid creatures.

YOUNG 1-UP: I'm going to spend the rest of my days worshipping you and never leaving you alone!

1-UP: {voice-over} Wait, wait! That's not how that part happened!

''{It cuts back to Stinkoman at his computer desk and he looks to the right to seee, once again, 1-Up just standing there. He looks offended.}''

STINKOMAN: Oh, uh, hello there? Where have you been for the past two months?

1-UP: I'll tell them how it really happened!

STINKOMAN: Just not going to answer the question, huh?

{The screen fades to white and it cuts back to a young 1-Up and Pan Pan walking along the same field from earlier.}

YOUNG PAN PAN: {high-pitched Pan Pan noises}

YOUNG 1-UP: Hey, yeah. I guess you're right, Pan Pan. Water isn't wet. That makes about as much sense as fire being burnt.

{The same explosion from earlier goes off in the background.}

YOUNG 1-UP: AGH! A BURNT FIRE! Quick Pan Pan, hop on! I'll activate my rocket boots!

''{Pan Pan jumps on to 1-Up's back and 1-Up's shoes transform into rocket boots, Iron Man-style. He then blasts off into the sky toward the buildings in the background, leaving a trail of smoke behind him.}''

STINKOMAN: {voice-over} I didn't know you had rocket boots!

1-UP: {voice-over} And they'll never be mentioned ever again!

''{Cut to the young Stinkoman jumping out of the building, same as before. Again, with a mysterious bag in-hand.}''

YOUNG STINKOMAN: That was the third greatest bar mitzvah I've ever been to.

''{Like before, Stinkoman attempts to run to the right side of the screen. He stops before bumping into 1-Up and Pan Pan in the process of landing on the ground.}''

YOUNG STINKOMAN: Who are you guys?

YOUNG PAN PAN: {Pan Pan noises}

YOUNG STINKOMAN: {in disbelief} A likely story!

YOUNG 1-UP: Hey, what's that over there?

{A large brown goop floods the area, leaving 1-Up, Stinkoman and Pan Pan floating in it.}

YOUNG STINKOMAN: Oh, I really hope this isn't what I think it is.

YOUNG 1-UP: It's not! It's pudding! And the only way we'll get out of it is if I eat our way through it!

{Cut back to 1-Up and Stinkoman in "present-day" standing in front of his computer desk.}

1-UP: Then, I became the guy and I got a million dollars and that historic day would forever be known as Pudding Day!

STINKOMAN: Yeah, you lost me.

{Pan Pan bounces in from the right side of the screen and makes a couple of them diggedy-dang "badalang" noises.}

STINKOMAN: Please. Go ahead. It can't be any worse than 1-Up's version of events.

{The screen fades to white and it cuts back to the same field from earlier with young 1-Up and Pan.}

YOUNG 1-UP: Babies aren't even scared of that movie. So, do you know what that makes you? A fetus.

YOUNG PAN PAN: {higher-pitched Pan Pan noises}

''{You know the drill. Explosion happens.}''

YOUNG 1-UP: ARGH! PAN PAN! Hold me. I think I peed all of my pants!

''{Young 1-Up jumps into Pan Pan's arms and he looks annoyed, but regardless, blows up like Kirby and flies off toward the exploded building in the background much like before. It cuts to young Stinkoman jumping out of the very same building and landing on the road.}''

YOUNG STINKOMAN: Did you get the shot? I'll send you a cheque in the mail! I've always wanted to have my photo taken in front of a giant explosion.

{Young Stinkoman again runs to the right, but bumps into and bounces off of the young Pan Pan who has already landed with young 1-Up.}

YOUNG STINKOMAN: Oof, hey! What is the big idea? You got a death wish or something! I am the greatest challenger who ever lived, you know!

YOUNG 1-UP: Huh? What? Who? I've never heard of you. Isn't the greatest challenger of all ti-

YOUNG STINKOMAN: No, and shut up.

YOUNG 1-UP: No, seriously. I think I recall them saying that the greatest challenger was-

YOUNG STINKOMAN: It isn't and you're wrong and you lose.

{There is silence for a bit before 1-Up happily replies.}

YOUNG 1-UP: Wow! That's so cool! You're the guy! The guy who did the thing! I thought it was another guy... but it was you! You're the guy!

YOUNG STINKOMAN: Yeah, uh, why don't you... uh... go tell all your friends and also get them to subscribe to my let's play channel.

YOUNG 1-UP: I will, I will! Oh my gawsh, I can't believe I actually met THE GUY!

''{Young 1-Up activates his robot boots once more and flies off. It then cuts back to the present.}''

1-UP: Wait, but that doesn't make any sense. If Stinkoman wasn't actually the guy, then why did I tell all of those people that he was the guy?

''{Stinkoman starts to look nervous. He is inching his foot towards the day, stepping little by little over to the left side of the screen.}''

PAN PAN: {the thing that he does}

1-UP: So because I told everyone he was the guy... everyone started thinking that he was the guy... and then everybody started saying that he was the guy... so I started calling him the guy?

STINKOMAN: No, uh, it's not true! I've been framed!

1-UP: Then... who was the actual "the guy"?

''{This is the "to be continued" portion of the transcript, leaving the mystery open for a new character to show up in a future entry of this fanfiction series. Look forward to the next episode of Stinkoman Emails!}''

Easter Eggs

 * Clicking on the computer in the background switches the cartoon style between the current versions of Stinkoman, 1-Up and Pan Pan at Stinkoman HQ, the younger versions of Stinkoman, 1-Up and Pan Pan standing out in The Field, and Strong Bad, Homestar Runner and Pom Pom out in their version of The Field.
 * Clicking Stinkoman will show the photos that were taken of Stinkoman jumping out of an exploding building from various angles and with intense, realistic shading.
 * Clicking Pan Pan will make the holographic "The Paper" from two emails ago come down from the top of the screen. It reads, "What did I miss?".

Fun Facts

 * This is the first Stinkoman Email to feature the young versions of 1-Up, Stinkoman and Pan Pan.
 * 1-Up's addiction to pudding became a reoccuring gag in the early Homestar Runner fandom since its mention by the character in the short April Fools toon, Under Construction.
 * This email pokes fun at the fact that "the guy" is such a loosely defined title in the main show, similar to how a "Pokemon master" is never truly given a proper, strict definition in the show, Pokemon.
 * This email is an example of the "Rashomon"-Style trope which indicates that a story about an event can by told from multiple different character perspectives that contradict each other. This vague style of story-telling allows the audience to fill in the gaps themselves or rather, leaves it all open for interpretation.
 * The two months between this email and 1-Up disappearing is a direct reference to the amount of time that has passed between the previous email and the current email.
 * There is zero explanation given for 1-Up's absence and eventual return. This is something that may or may not be acknowledged in a future email, though probably not.
 * A bar mitzvah is a Jewish coming of age ritual for boys. The plural is b'nai mitzvah.