Broternal Order Of Different Helmets/Clones, Cards, and Competitions

Season 1: Episode 7

Helmet wearing freemasons + ultra-natural family card game = hijinks.

Cast (in order of appearance): Honstlar,, Honstlar's clones, Gfd's clones, SRMX12, EDITED Video Greg, French Narrator (voice only), Powered by The Cheat King of Town, Homsar, Dancing Rat Gif, Strong Sad, The Pretender, Coach E

Places: Pillquarters, Powered by The Cheat The Field, The World of the Lappier, Floating Arena, Acapulco

Date: Friday, August 11, 2017 - Monday, August 28, 2017

Running Time: 7:43

Transcript
{Open to everyone in the basement}

HONSTLAR: Welcome to today's meeting. Guess whose birthday it is!

GFDGSGXGZGDRC: Mine?

HONSTLAR: Uh, I was referring to myself, actually.

GFDGSGXGZGDRC: {begins hastily drawing on a napkin} Well, combogratulations! {gives Honstlar the comic} Have a totally-not-quickly-and-sloppily-thrown-together-in-a-few-seconds comic style!

''{Cut to the comic. Honstlar reads it out loud. In the first panel:}''

COMIC GFD: Happy birthday, Honstlar!

COMIC HONSTLAR: Thank you, Garblem'n! What this is?

''{In the second panel, Honstlar unwraps the present. In the third, Honstlar holds up a gross sweater.}''

COMIC HONSTLAR: {confused} It's a... moldy sweater. Covered in glue...?

COMIC GFD: Yep. I just wanted to give you a nice snack.

''{In the fourth panel, Honstlar looks disgusted, and Gfd smiles proudly. Confetti rains down, and text reads "HAPPY BIRTHTIME, HONSTLAR!"}''

HONSTLAR: I love it! You should do more of these for the BODH. All in favor of making a BODH comic strip...

GFDGSGXGZGDRC: Aye!

HONSTLAR: Aye!

HONSTLAR 2: Aye!

HONSTLAR 3: Aye!

HONSTLAR: The ayes have it... or the clones of me have it. We get to make a comic strip!

GFDGSGXGZGDRC: Sounds good! I'll start working on that soon.

HONSTLAR: Great! Now, does anyone have anything to say?

GFDGSGXGZGDRC: Yes; shoe.

HONSTLAR: Interesting... say more funny word styles with your teeth!

GFDGSGXGZGDRC: Okay, then: indecisive. Clockwork. Steamed olives. Seventeen. Unfairness. Byte. Reversal. Freight car. Wait, were you talking to me or your clones?

HONSTLAR: I was talking to you. But seriously for a moment... WHY DO I HAVE SO MANY FREAKIN' CLONES?!

GFDGSGXGZGDRC: Prolly because I was messing with the clone machine earlier. Now I have 7,256 Gfd-servants to do my bidding! Ahem. Gfd-2683, bring me a cup of tea.

GFD-2683: Honey or sugar?

GFDGSGXGZGDRC: Gravy, please. And boiled at 9,000 degrees.

HONSTLAR: Who else got cloned!?!

GFD-6512: I did. Meet my twin, Gfd-6512-2!

GFD-6512-2: Hey guys.

SRMX12: I mean, now that I think about it, I guess I've already been cloned like eleven times, but I don't even remember it. Oh, SRMX01, I never knew you!

HONSTLAR: A moment of silence for SRMX01.

{Silence}

HONSTLAR: Silence is boring, let's play Deluxe Jurvy-Skat!

FRENCH NARRATOR: One complicated setup later...

{Cut to the Order with a Jurvy-Skat board on the table}

GFDGSGXGZGDRC: Let's roll to see who goes first! {rolls the dice} 73! I win! {moves piece to Jurvy space and draws a card; reading} You try to wish for BBQ flavored underwear but a pig interrupts you and wishes for strawberries, how do you feel? {stops reading} Extremely sad and angry.

HONSTLAR: Sangry?

GFDGSGXGZGDRC: Correct! Fifteen dolla points!

HONSTLAR: YES!

SRMX12: My turn! {rolls the dice} Two skulls! I banish Greg to another dimension for the next 3 rounds!

EDITED VIDEO GREG: Crap-crud! {pops out of existence}

{Cut to Powered by The Cheat, where EDITED Video Greg appears}

PBTC KING OF TOWN: Finally, someone to lick my crown!

EDITED VIDEO GREG: {looks at the camera; whispering} Help me.

GFDGSGXGZGDRC: Whose turn is next? {looks at the empty chair next to him} Hey EDITED Video Guy, you're next! Roll the dice!

{Crickets}

{Cut to PBTC Land, where the King of Town is eating his crown.}

EDITED VIDEO GREG: Are my three rounds over yet?

HONSTLAR: {disembodied; echoing} That depends&mdash;

{Cut back to the real world}

HONSTLAR: &mdash;are rounds considered seconds in other regions?

HOMSAR: {peeks into the frame} DaAaAaAaA, in Cancoonada, if you don't drink leaves every three rounds, the mountains chop off your legs!

HONSTLAR: Good enough for me! {pulls out a book with a face} kLaTu VeRaDaH nIkTo!

EDITED VIDEO GREG: {pops back into the real world} Thank goodness for mounties!

HONSTLAR: Your turn! {passes dice to Greg}

EDITED VIDEO GREG: {rolls} Three. And it means... for the next couple rounds we get sucked into the world of the Lappier.

''{They do. They have all become their avatars on VirtualPizz.biz.}''

EDITED VIDEO GREG: Curious, curious. Most enchanted games I know don't go this far. Just have stuff come out the game itself, not this "you become your player". It's almost like this concept is getting badly remade for no discernable reason. In the '80s.

{Honstlar encounters the cute breakdancing rodent GIF}

EDITED VIDEO GREG: Ah, and who can forget the idea that inside a computer all the pointless images are alive? Almost like those same crapnuggets came with that too.

GFDGSGXGZGDRC: Say, I've always wondered, what is a Thanksgiving Lover's pizza anyway?

EDITED VIDEO GREG: Only one way to find out.

FRENCH NARRATOR: Eleven seconds laytoor...

EDITED VIDEO GREG: It's made entirely out of condensed milk?

GFDGSGXGZGDRC: HOT DOG! {eats}

STRONG SAD: {voice is heard in distance} Despite these pie in the sky expectations, the condensed nature of VirtualPizz's new characters fails to make them the cream of the crap.

SRMX12: Ooohhh, the puns hurt.

{Miss}

STRONG SAD: ...And now for a barely related speech about how KOT made the crime against humanitarianism of having eaten pizza with a whatsit covered knife and fork.

{The world starts disintegrating}

EDITED VIDEO GREG: What's happening? Is this what happens when we get a miss?

HONSTLAR: I don't know, but either way we should run!

{Everyone starts running (in the '90s) until they find giant dice}

GFDGSGXGZGDRC: Quick! let's roll these convenient plot devices! I mean dice!

{Everybody2 tips the dice over and they land on a stair-like shape.}

HONSTLAR: Hooray, escalators!

{The crew pops back to the basement.}

SRMX12: That was close! We should probably stop, but it is my turn. So let's keep going! {rolls dice} Tooty-two? What's that mean?

GFDGSGXGZGDRC: It means pick a card, don't pick a card, pick a card now!

EDITED VIDEO GREG: This game makes no sense.

SRMX12: So wait, do I take a card or not?

GFDGSGXGZGDRC: Beats me. The rules aren't that clear.

HONSTLAR: Just draw a card and see what happens.

SRMX12: Okay. {draws a card from the Skat pile; reading} Kaloo kalay! You have made it to the gauntlet for the final battle?!

{Suddenly, an earthquake starts}

EDITED VIDEO GREG: That doesn't sound like a good.

{The walls start cracking}

HONSTLAR: That doesn't look like a good either!

{The basement crumbles away as the table is moved towards a floating arena}

GFDGSGXGZGDRC: Do you know what this means?

HONSTLAR: I think so...

ALL: Mmmmm... GULP!

{The Order is poofed into their wrestling gimmick outfits}

GFDGSGXGZGDRC: So, who are we fighting anyway?

{A loud crash and some ominous music comes from offscreen}

OFFSCREEN VOICE: Niiice try chump, but everybody knows I created you.

EDITED VIDEO GREG: Oh no... IT'S THE PRETENDER.

THE PRETENDER: The Greg joke ended when he died. I must kill you now.

GFDGSGXGZGDRC: Uh oh.

{The Pretender steps on Gfd}

EDITED VIDEO GREG: Oh my crap, he killed Gfd!

HONSTLAR: You sicko!

''{Honstlar performs the claw mandible type thing. It has no effect.}''

HONSTLAR: What is up with this guy?!

SRMX12: Oh no! Why do all these family-fun card games always end up being so violent?

HONSTLAR: SRMX12, quick! Perform the Supreme Four-Point-Seven!

SRMX12: I don't even know what it is yet!!

''{The Pretender fires some type of laser thing at Honstlar. -15 HP}''

EDITED VIDEO GREG: How are we ever going to defeat this guy?!

CHARRED HONSTLAR: Maybe that giant button that says "Become the Ultimate Warrior" could help.

EDITED VIDEO GREG: Eh... maybe. I guess it could... Actually, y'know... eh. Why not.

{Honstlar presses the button and something shiny, golden, and fedora-shaped appears on his head}

HONSTLAR: {in an echoey voice} I HAVE THE POWER!!

THE PRETENDER: A helmet? A CRAPPY HELMET?! How will that stop me?

HONSTLAR: Like this. I wish The Pretender was dead and Gfd came back to life!

THE PRETENDER: Oh... crap.

{The Pretender turns into a skeleton and Gfdgsgxgzgdrc pops back to life.}

HONSTLAR: Gfd! You're back!

GFDGSGXGZGDRC: Huh? Whattayamean? I never left.

SRMX12: Eman&mdash;The Pretender stepped on you!

GFDGSGXGZGDRC: What are you talking about? That was my clone! Oh, Gfd-1086, I'll miss you so.

EDITED VIDEO GREG: Then what were you doing all this time?

GFDGSGXGZGDRC: I was at the BODH headquarters, eating our supply of emergency butter-flavored-corndog-flavored-acne-cream rations. Now shall we continue our game?

HONSTLAR: Sure! I think it's my turn. {rolls dice} 7 and 11! What does that mean again?

GFDGSGXGZGDRC: I'll check the rules book. {picks it up and reads it} This is the most confusing rules book I've ever seen.

EDITED VIDEO GREG: Which makes sense, considering the game it's for.

{Gfd hands the book to Honstlar}

HONSTLAR: I won a trip for 5 to Acapulco?! I beat the game!

ALL: Hooray!

{Cut to everybloody maxing and relaxing}

HONSTLAR: Best.

GFDGSGXGZGDRC: Goodetime.

SRMX12: Family Fun.

COACH E: Game.

EDITED VIDEO GREG: Ever.

{Cut to a screen reading "THE END."}

Easter Eggs

 * Click on the D in END to see an Easter egg.
 * GFDGSGXGZGDRC: Coach E? Where'd'd you come from all of a sudden?
 * COACH E: I heard you guys won a trip to Acapulco, so I decided to conveniently stop by.
 * HONSTLAR: You sure missed out on a lot. Video Greg Man got stuck in a badly-animated alternate universe... we got sucked into Strong Bad's computer... we fought some type of challenge pretendy man... Where were you been all this time?
 * COACH E: I was grocery shopping for some butter-flavored-corndog-flavored-acne-cream, because it seems SOMEONE has devoured our emergency rations.
 * SRMX12: What took you so long? You's been missing for two months now.
 * COACH E: They were extremely hard to find.
 * EDITED VIDEO GREG: I found a plot hole. Gfd didn't eat our emergency rations until a few weeks after&mdash;
 * GFDGSGXGZGDRC: Ah, that probably doesn't matter.

Real-World References

 * The remarks made by Greg during the Virtualpizz.biz sequence are references to the Jumanji movies, Tron, and The Emoji Movie.
 * What Honstlar says before the gang starts playing Jurvy-Skat is an homage to a similar line from The Simpsons episode Mr. Plow.