Inanimate Objects in Decidedly Non-Inanimate Situations/Episode 7



Description: The objects compete to see who has the greatest love for Trogdor.

Transcript
HUMIDIBOT: These teams are getting tight, guys!

FRANK BENNEDETTO: They sure are. And we've seen that anybody can be eliminated, no matter how popular they may be.

F-SACK: It's so much pressure. One screw up can turn the voters against you.

DOREAUXGARD: One thing's for sure. I won't screw up!

{Scotty stares at him}

DOREAUXGARD: What you lookin' at, blanky? If I wanna express hubris, I can do so.

{Scotty looks the other way}

DOREAUXGARD: Yeah, keep walkin'.

DRIVE-THRU WHALE: Look directly into the sun for 30 percent off!

{He points with his flipper to the Lappier, who is just arriving}

LAPPIER: Who here loves cake?

EVERYBODY: ME!

LAPPIER: Well, it's Welcome to Blubb-O's turn to get cake. This is the Vote 'em Ups.

STRONG BAD: {singing} Vote 'em up, vote 'em up, vote 'em up, y'all!

LAPPIER: Now to unveil... this week's cake.

''{He brings out a table that resembles the secret ingredient table from Iron Chef. Whipping the cloth cover off, he reveals three crudely-drawn cupcakes, on crumpled notebook paper}''

LAPPIER: Allez cuisine!

DRIVE-THRU WHALE: I'd like to bid a vowel, Alex.

LAPPIER: The first crudely-drawn cupcake goes to Frank Bennedetto, who has never been voted. Your winning streak continues.

{Frank takes a cupcake and juices it}

FRANK BENNEDETTO: Just doing my duty, sir.

LAPPIER: Next contestant safe also has a winning streak of zero total votes.

F-SACK: Not me, then. I was voted just once.

LAPPIER: It's the Blubb-O's mascot himself!

{The Drive-Thru Whale scarfs down the paper cupcake, then plays his theme jingle through his crackly speaker}

LAPPIER: F-Sack and Doreauxgard, you two have some real chemistry as of late. But it's time to break your friendship up.

DOREAUXGARD: More like barely-tolerate-him-ship!

LAPPIER: Imma be honest. You got some ol' attitude and I'll be happy when you get eliminated. And guess what?

DOREAUXGARD: What?

LAPPIER: {pointing} I'm happy!!

{He tosses a cupcake into F-Sack's sack mouth}

DORAUXGARD: Bull honkey!!

F-SACK: This is a popularity contest. You gotta be lovable like this ol' sack!

LAPPIER: Doreauxgard will do time as a peasant in Trogdor: The Board Game. Maybe he'll be chomped, burninated or Stacked To The Heavens!

{The vaccuum tube sucks up Doreauxgard}

LAPPIER: Now for this week... I mean this month's competition. Both of you increasingly-tiny teams will face off against each other in the most epic battle ever. A battle that will determine who has the greatest love for Trogdor. Who loves Trogdor more than anyone else, even more than their own family? That would be YOU!

CARDBOARD MARZIPAN: How do we show our love then?

LAPPIER: I don't care, just be creative. Be a friend to Trog.

HUMIDIBOT: ...Team, huddle!

{The teams split up to discuss what their tribute could be}

HUMIDIBOT: Now remember, this has to be original.

CARDBOARD MARZIPAN: But original is hard!

HUMIDIBOT: Just think, we'll be creating history!

CARDBOARD MARZIPAN: Yeah, ok.

{Scotty Titi has nothing to add}

CARDBOARD MARZIPAN: Well, we could make history by just building a replica of the Trog-cave.

HUMIDIBOT: Hmmm... interesting.

CARDBOARD MARZIPAN: Yeah, interesting!

{The remaining members of Welcome To Blubb-O's discuss their own plans}

FRANK BENNEDETTO: I got a great idea.

F-SACK: A great idea?

FRANK BENNEDETTO: Yes, soldier. We could create a huge painting of Trogdor the Burninator.

F-SACK: That's a great idea!

FRANK BENNEDETTO: And have it blow real fire from a blowtorch hidden behind the painting!

F-SACK: That's even better!

DRIVE-THRU WHALE: {singing} Under the rain of a thousand flame-grilled meats on whole grain, spicy or plain!

FRANK BENNEDETTO: Well said.

''{The two teams begin planning out their creative tributes. The Onion Bubses start building their cave against the side of Homestar's house, using any junk they find around}''

HUMIDIBOT: Now, we need some way to keep the cave walls holding up.

CARDBOARD MARZIPAN: We'll just steal Marzipan's--I mean my craft glue. And we can re-stitch some of my dresses into Keepers of Trogdor robes.

HUMIDIBOT: You're so kind, offering your own dresses like that!

CARDBOARD MARZIPAN: Aww, thank you, friend.

{Scotty Titi is silent but seems to be enjoying the company}

CARDBOARD MARZIPAN: We just have to make sure my hideous twin sister doesn't see us. Let's go.

''{Pan over to Welcome to Blubb-O's, who are painting on a great big canvas. The Onion Bubses are seen sneaking in the background}''

F-SACK: This painting is so relaxing.

FRANK BENNEDETTO: There's a reason they call it the Joy of Painting.

F-SACK: What is the whale doing? Trogdor's beefy arm isn't purple.

{Cut to Drive-Thru Whale, who is just painting whatever he wants}

DRIVE-THRU WHALE: Faking the funk is prohibited by skate law.

FRANK BENNEDETTO: We can fix the mistakes.

F-SACK: We better. Trogdor don't want no Picasso painting.

FRANK BENNEDETTO: How do we get ahold of a blowtorch?

F-SACK: The Cheat can hook me up. He owes me one.

FRANK BENNEDETTO: Lucky.

DRIVE-THRU WHALE: You gotta be fat, you gotta be old, you gotta be a miser.

''{The scene changes to the Onion Bubses' Trog-cave. The group has fully built the base of the cave, and is working on gluing the ceiling together}''

CARDBOARD MARZIPAN: Your gluing is very impressive, little bot.

HUMIDIBOT: I always work hard cuz I'm Humidibot!

CARDBOARD MARZIPAN: And Scotty, you're helping in your own way. Good work.

{Scotty Titi stands and stares}

CARDBOARD MARZIPAN: We should be done soon, and then we stitch the robes of Trogdor...

MARZIPAN: {overheard, from a distance} Homestar!! Not again!!

CARDBOARD MARZIPAN: Uh oh. That sounds like my withered crone sister who broke up with the best boyfriend she ever had, or will ever have.

HUMIDIBOT: You better hide.

{The next scene is F-Sack talking to The Cheat}

F-SACK: Nice to see you too. Anyways, you still got that blowtorch?

THE CHEAT: {meh!}

F-SACK: Be cool, man. I'm doing a kick-awesome arts and crafts project.

THE CHEAT: {questioning The Cheat noises}

F-SACK: A great big portrait of Trogdor that shoots real fire.

THE CHEAT: {surprised The Cheat noise}

F-SACK: We wouldn't ask you if it was for anything less than that.

THE CHEAT: {meh!}

{He jumps into his The King of Town's grill and pulls out his torch}

F-SACK: It's a beauty!

{Marzipan walks past from the right of the screen}

THE CHEAT: {questioning The Cheat noises}

F-SACK: I don't care to pry into her personal business.

{The camera follows Marzipan, as she walks up to Homestar's house and sees the Trog-cave}

MARZIPAN: {annoyed} Homestar Runner, are you home? You come out this instant.

{Humidibot and Scotty Titi come out of the cave}

HUMIDIBOT: I'm Humidibot!

MARZIPAN: What are you doing at Homestar's house? Where is Homestar anyway?

HUMIDIBOT: I'm just doing my regular Humidibot business cuz I'm Humidibot!

MARZIPAN: Well, someone took my favorite dresses out of my closet while I was out in the garden.

HUMIDIBOT: Do you know for sure it was him?

MARZIPAN: I'm absolutely sure it was him! Well... maybe. It's probably him. Maybe it was Coach Z.

HUMIDIBOT: What do you think, imaginary pal o'mine?

{Scotty Titi was more silent than ever}

HUMIDIBOT: {improvising} Oh! Oh wow! Scotty said that he saw Strong Bad sneaking round your house and he had his BMW lighter out!

MARZIPAN: {surprised} Really? Strong Bad? I should have guessed that, he's always trying to set my happy home on fire. I gotta run, thank you for helping!

''{She hurries out of there. Cardboard Marzipan peeks out from behind the cave}''

CARDBOARD MARZIPAN: You two are some real partners in crime!

HUMIDIBOT: You're worth it for being such a great pal!

''{Some more time passes, as both teams are able to finish their projects without an incident. The Lappier signals the end of the round}''

LAPPIER: Art supplies down! It's time to judge 'em up, y'all!

''{He hops over to the Onion Bubses, who have completed their miniature Trog-cave. They come out wearing purple Keepers of Trogdor robes}''

LAPPIER: What craziness is going on here?

HUMIDIBOT: We are Keepers of Trogdor, dedicated to the Burninator in mind and body!

CARDBOARD MARZIPAN: I'm Seadust and this is Agemend and Thricerer. I thinks that's what those guys are called.

{Scotty stares up at the Lappier}

LAPPIER: Well, this is impressive. Would be more impressive if you had a Trogdor to occupy the cave, but I won't discount your hard work.

CARDBOARD MARZIPAN: You better not.

LAPPIER: You work together pretty well. But now I gotta see the other team.

{He walks over to Welcome to Blubb-O's, who are holding up the oversize canvas upon which is painted an epic Burninator}

DRIVE-THRU WHALE: New location in the pits of despair. Open Somedays.

LAPPIER: That's one sweet painting. Truly worthy of Trogdor's majesty.

F-SACK: Franky, show him the best part!

FRANK BENNEDETTO: {saluting} Roger dodger.

{He lights up the torch hidden in the painting, and Trogdor appears to breathe real fire}

LAPPIER: {astounded} Whoa nelly! Whoa diddy! Whoa Murphy Lee! The Burninator burninates once again! You win every episode forever! Or maybe not.

{The results screen pops up, showing the three members of The Onion Bubses}

LAPPIER: It was a close race... well, actually, the Blubb-O's schooled those Bubses handily. Now you gotta vote one out. Cardboard Marzipan, Scotty Titi, or Humidibot.

{The Lappier pops up to deliver a message}

LAPPIER: Next episode is gonna bring some changes. First, the teams are gone! Every object for themself! And dos, one object will be rejoining the game from their elimination purgatory. Watch this space! But do not neglect your normal duties.

''{In the post credit scene, Strong Bad is playing Trogdor The Board Game with his two brothers and The Cheat. Doreauxgard is a little piece on the board}''

STRONG BAD: What I'm gonna do is burninate that peasant on the board! Gimme that flame piece!

{He snatches the flame helmet and puts it onto Doreauxgard}

STRONG BAD: West! West! Burninate that cottage! North--

MARZIPAN: {offscreen} Strong Bad, you are in biiig trouble, mister!

STRONG BAD: {groans} Aungh! Just ignore her and finish the game.

MARZIPAN: {offscreen} I'm gonna play folksy protest songs outside your house until you come out!

STRONG BAD: Never mind, guys. Game's on pause for now.

{He gets up and exits the scene}

STRONG MAD: {pounding the desk} WE'LL WAIT FOR YOU!