Trogdor’s Big Movie



Based on this twitter status by strong bad

Plot: Smartimer is not very popular. His brother, Tom, is more popular than him. Smartimer got kicked out of the basketball team, and he wants to join the Video Game Club in his school, but first, he has to become popular. Today is Thursday, and his birthday is Sunday. Today, him, Tom, Tom’s girlfriend Tina, and his mom and dad are going to Aardvark Pizza and Arcade after school. When he enters, he wants to try the pizza. He never tried a pizza before. When he ate the pizza, Tina fell in love with him. Tom had to find a new girlfriend tomorrow. When they went to the arcade, there were various games to play. Whack-A-Beaver, Sitting Ducks, and even Trogdor. Smartimer was a big fan of Videlectrix and Trogdor for the FunMachine, so he had to play it. He burninated various peasants and their thatched-roof cottages. He had only 4 tokens, so he had to play it 4 times. Then, he got a high score of 8746. But when it was time to go home, Smartimer stopped playing. At least he got a Trogdor cheat sheet at Numb Thumbs 10 days ago when he went there. The next day, he, Tom, and Tina went to Aardvark Pizza again after school with his mom and dad. But when he got to the arcade, he realized that someone named S.B.M.A (Strong Bad Man Almighty) beat his high score on the Trogdor arcade game. Luckily, he had 10 tokens from a coupon that came inside a clamshell VHS of Lugnut and Squeak. So he burninated 1000 peasants and their cottages. The kid who beat his high score was next to him. Smartimer got a extra life that updated his high score, which is now 13847. The kid who beat his high score got dragged out of the arcade, because the live show was starting. One kid brought her homework, and she asked "Can you tell me the answer?" Smartimer refused. After the live show, Smartimer, Tom, Tina, and their mom and dad left Aardvark Pizza. The next day. Smartimer goes out to his backyard. He saw that Tom was having a party with every 4th grade student, including his former girlfriend, Tina! He later went to the back of his dad’s shop. His dad was a carpenter and woodwright, and had various occupations. But then, he found Trogdor himself, with a broken beefy arm. "Is this a dream?" thought Smartimer. But no, it was real! Smartimer later nurses him back to health. One hour later, Trogdor was in front of every 4th grade student, including Smartimer. And then..... he started breakdancing. Every kid started to breakdance with him. Then, Smartimer’s mom looked in the window and saw every kid breakdancing. Trogdor later said "Bye! I’m off to burninate the kingdom of Peasantry!". He suddenly became popular after he nursed Trogdor back to health. The next day was Smartimer’s birthday. He later went to Aardvark Pizza for his birthday. Every 4th grade student was going to be there. He had a Trogdor cake, and had Swiss cake rolls, pizza, iron cups full of Bruinswick stew, Fluffy Puff Marshmallows, and Diet Brown as snacks. He received a Super FunMachine, B.E.E.F.Y toys, and even the Trogdor board game, complete with alternate Trogdor meeples and figurines. He also got meeples for the Stack 'Em To The Heavens minigame. Limozeen, his favorite band, was preforming most of their songs, like Nite Mamas, Because, It’s Midnite, Colorin’ (Outside the Lines) and even a song dedicated to him, which was called “You Burninated My Heart”. The song was even on the radio, followed by an episode of The AM Morning Crude Crew with Stoops and Gusso that was dedicated to him, even though he doesn’t like it! Tom was very unpopular now. Smartimer lived happily ever after with his family. See also the music used in the movie, and movie trailer

Transcript
ANNOUNCER: The following film is sponsored by Aardvark Pizza, Smarty Juice, L.U.R.N., and Blubb-O’s.

{Start to Cheap as Free Films (or Some Smelly French Studio in France} logo.)

{Start to Videlectrix Films logo. The Videlectrix Mascot jogs across the screen, tripping in the middle. He gives a "thumbs up" signal, as in "Population: Tire".}

''{As the movie opens, Smartimer is seen rollerskating around some empty streets at dawn while the opening credits roll. A rock ballad-style song by Limozeen is playing over the opening titles}''

LARRY: {singing} This is a montage of rollerskate-boarding Around the empty streets and fields Why are you out so early in the morning That's actually kind of weird This is probably a reference to some old movie Like Rad or BMX Bandits! But the skates will never show up again It's for the trailer, we admit

''{Smartimer reaches his own home and slows to a stop, before going inside. He is met by his mother, father and brother Tom, who are all sitting at the breakfast table}''

MOM: Good morning, sport.

SMARTIMER: {sighs} Hi, mom and dad.

DAD: Did you have a good time out there?

SMARTIMER: Just the usual.

TOM: Hey, pipsqueak. Don't forget, we're going to the pizza arcade later, so you better be ready to go after school.

SMARTIMER: You mean Aardvark Pizza and Arcade, on route 10, open weekdays?

TOM: Um, duh.

SMARTIMER: Thanks. Just checking.

{He sighs and picks at his breakfast}

DAD: Now son, is something bothering you?

SMARTIMER: Nah...

MOM: I know it's something. You have that forced-family-drama look on your face.

SMARTIMER: It's just that, I wish I was popular at school. After I was kicked off the basketball team and the popular jocks all laughed at me in unison, my life's never been the same.

DAD: Don't worry. As long as you believe in yourself, and keep wishing, your dream might come true.

TOM: Or maybe not!

DAD {whispering harshly} Shush!

SMARTIMER: Anyway, I should finish up this cereal and get ready for school. See you at the arcade.

MOM: I'm sure you'll have fun.

SMARTIMER: Yeah... I hope.

''{The scene skips forward to after school. Tom and Smartimer are picked up by their parents in their Taurus wagon, and are taken to the pizza arcade}''

TOM: Alrighty!

MOM: Did you all remember your tokens?

TOM: {holding a bucket of quarters} Got a bucketful!

{Smartimer groans at the mere four quarters in his hand}

TOM: By the way, I'm meeting up with someone at the arcade, so don't embarrass me.

SMARTIMER: Gonna go see your {mocking} girrrlfriend?

TOM: Hey, shut up! You still believe in cooties.

SMARTIMER: No I don't! {quietly} Maybe a little.

DAD: That's enough, both of you. We're here.

{The car pulls into the minimall's parking lot}

TOM: Radical!

SMARTIMER: Mm hmm.

{The family enters the entertainment center, which was rich with colors and lights and sounds}

TOM: You hungry?

SMARTIMER: Yeah. Let's get some pizza before we try the arcade games.

DAD: Alright boys, we'll snarf some 'za.

SMARTIMER: Please never say that again and thank you.

''{Fade out to the family eating their pizza. Tom's girlfriend Tina approaches their table}''

TINA: Uhh hey. I've been like, waiting over here.

TOM: Yeah, I know! But I gotta feed my hunger first, babe.

{He continues eating and playfully ignores Tina}

TINA: Um whatever.

{She looked at Smartimer}

TINA: Hey, your little nerd brother is cute.

SMARTIMER: {look up from his pizza} Hmm?

TINA: Like, probably cuter than you, ugh, like grody.

TOM: {annoyed} Hey Smartimer! Shut up pipsqueak! Quit talking to my girl!

{Smartimer shrugs in an exaggerated manner}

TINA: That's his name? Like, seriously cute. Um, see you later!

{she exits while Tom remains annoyed}

TOM: Now look what you did! She's totally mad at me for some reason.

SMARTIMER: I wanna play games now.

TOM: Jeez!

''{The scene moves to the arcade, showcasing games like Whack-A-Beaver and Sitting Ducks. Then Smartimer discovers the Trogdor arcade game, which was shown in soft focus with a choir going "Oooooohh"}''

SMARTIMER: Trogdor!

''{He proceeds to play it. A quick montage of Trogdor burninating various peasants and their thatched-roof cottages follows, with some other kids coming over to watch. He uses all four of his quarters and gets a high score}''

SOME KID: He got 8746 points on Double Dragon?!....I mean Trogdor?!

{Smartimer pulls out a folded piece of paper with all the cheats on it}

SMARTIMER: Thank you, Numb Thumbs.

{Later, at their house, Smartimer roots through the cabinet of VHS tapes}

SMARTIMER: Let's see. Kelvinator, stand-up specials, ah! There it is.

{He picks out Lugnut and Squeak from the cabinet and tries to pry it open}

SMARTIMER: They went overboard on the easy-lock clamshell case, didn't they.

{He eventually opens it with a loud snap and there are some shiny tokens along side the tape}

SMARTIMER: Yes!

{He grabs the tokens and stuff them in his pockets}

SMARTIMER: Mom! Hey, let's go back to Aardvark's today as well!

''{The scene switches right back to the pizza arcade. Smartimer wastes no time returning to his favorite arcade game, only to find that, shock and horror, there was a scary older boy playing it, wearing sunglasses that look vaguely like Strong Bad's mask}''

SMARTIMER: {exaggerated} Bwhaaaaat?!

''{The older boy steps away from the machine and smugly lets his Trogdor die. The screen shows that he got a high score, and he promptly enters his initials}''

S.B.M.A: {inputting each letter} S...B...M...A. Strong Bad Man Almighty. I got the high score, man, 13,000, no one will ever beat it!

SMARTIMER: But that's not fair! This arcade is for plucky-haired protagonists and all these unnamed onlookers!

S.B.M.A: You think you can beat my high score? With your littlest baby hands?

SMARTIMER: {nervously} I...I don't know! But I have to try! For all the innocent puppies and orphans out there with big sad eyes!

CROWD OF KIDS: {in unison} FOR THE PUPPIES!

''{Smartimer slams down his 10 tokens and begins playing. 80's montage music starts playing as Smartimer racks up points after points}''

STRONG BAD {singing}: It's a showdown number two! At the arcade! What chu gonna do? Gonna play games! This isn't a ripoff, am i right? Inserting coin and feeling alright It's a showdown number two You gotta git gud Showdown number two!

{The screen shows Smartimer is on his last life, and his score is only 12,999}

SOME KID: Oh no! If he loses a life now, the puppies are doomed!

SMARTIMER: Not on my watch.

''{He somehow gets an extra life and keeps burninating the peasants to get a high score. The crowd cheers and goes yaaaaaay!}''

SMARTIMER: I just had to believe in myself!

{When his game ends, he has the high score of 13,847}

SMARTIMER: I'd like to thank my--

SOME KID: {interrupts} Hey everyone, the live show is about to start!

''{The crowd cheers and exits stage left, leaving Smartimer behind. The kids sit to watch the band of jerky animatronics}''

AARDVARK: Hey, kids! Are you ready for fun?

CROWD OF KIDS: {shouting} YAAY!

SOME KID: {quietly, in the back} No!

AARDVARK: Well then, say hello to the Vaguely Hillbilly-ish Animal Band!

''{The animatronics play a jolly tune through the speakers, while not-really playing their instruments. Smartimer sits down to watch as well}''

SOME GIRL: Hey, unpopular kid. You were so cool back there, would you do my homework for me?

SMARTIMER: Nooo way!

SOME GIRL: Wow. Soooo cool.

{The band continues playing as S.B.M.A is crowdsurfed against his will out of the building}

''{Fade to black, then back in to focus on Smartimer's house. Inside Smartimer's room, he slowly wakes up and stretches, and realizes that today is Saturday}''

SMARTIMER: Oh, right! Tomorrow is my birthday.

''{He hops out of bed, gets dressed and rushes downstairs. He is greeted in the backyard by a big surprise party, with all his friends from the 4th grade in attendance, as well as Tina from the arcade}''

SMARTIMER: Oh wow! Is this all for me?

TOM: HA! No! You're not invited!

SMARTIMER: But it's my house anyway--

TOM: Get outta here, unpopular kid!

SMARTIMER: {dejected} Oh, alright...

{Smartimer slinks away from the party and walks over to his dad's wood workshop}

SMARTIMER: I'm going this way! For some reason.

{A few seconds later, he heard a sighing roar from behind the workshop}

SMARTIMER: Hm? What's this! I heard a stray animal.

''{He ran to the back of the workshop to investigate. When he got there, he saw Trogdor himself lying on the ground, practically in plain sight. He looked in pain and had arrows sticking out of his beefy arm}''

SMARTIMER: {gasps} TROGDOR!

{He scampers away and hides behind the workshop, then peeks out from the corner}

SMARTIMER: Is this real? Am I only dreaming? Or is this burning an eternal flame?

{He attempts to call out to to his friends...}

SMARTIMER: Hellooooo? Doesn't anyone else see this? Gigantic dragon? Right out in the open? Anybody?

''{...to no avail. Nobody answers him}''

SMARTIMER: Wait a minute...

''{He carefully, slowly approaches Trogdor. The dragon growls sadly and looks up at him with an attempt at puppydog eyes}''

SMARTIMER: ...You're hurt, aren't you?

{Trogdor nods}

SMARTIMER: No duh. Of course you're hurt. Look at those arrows comin' out of your beef.

{He kneels down and approaches Trogdor's arm}

SMARTIMER: Maybe... I can help you?

{Trogdor smiles the slightest bit}

SMARTIMER: Yeah! I could nurse you back to health.

{He stands up and walks back to the house}

SMARTIMER: Don't you move, I'll be right back!

{Inside the house, Smartimer meets up with his mom}

MOM: Oh hello.

SMARTIMER: I need all the medical supplies in the house and don't ask why!

MOM: {sweetly} Why of course, dear. that doesn't sound suspicious at all.

SMARTIMER: Thankies!

''{Moments later, Smartimer exits the house with boxes of first aid in his arms. He sets them down next to Trogdor}''

SMARTIMER: Now where do I even start?

{He gets an idea}

SMARTIMER: How about another montage. Can't ever have enough of those!

''{Smartimer is shown nursing and caring for Trogdor, complete with soft, yellow-tinted focus and sparkle filters. This time, the music is a soft and schmaltzy pop ballad}''

SOME VARIETY OF NEVILLE: {singing} Acrylic and enamel spray painted Coat of polish and glitter Strip of gold foil and chrome shine Silver, Gold, Maroon and Glossy with shimmer And the first drop hits the ground They say it goes on and on Dancing in a craft store while you play the flute Dripping and spilling, dripping along I can't take my eyes off of you!

SMARTIMER: {deadpan} That song had nothing to do with the scene taking place here.

''{Only like an hour later, Trogdor's arm is bandaged and he looks better already. Slowly but surely, he gets to his feet and stands up, becoming quite visible to the partygoers standing in the backyard}''

SOME GIRL: {pointing} Look! Behind the shed!

SOME KID: It's a bird!

TOM: W-what are you even thinking? That is clearly Trogdor the Burninator in our back yard.

SOME KID: Yaay, bird!

{Trogdor pulled an expensive jambox with high-speed dubbing outta hammerspace and sets it down on the workshop roof}

SMARTIMER: Hey, everyone! Meet my new friend!

''{Trogdor mashes play on the jambox, which plays a hip-hop dance remix of Trogdor Was Dragon Man. And then... Trogdor started breakdancing}''

CROWD OF KIDS: Whoa! Cool!

SMARTIMER: Come on everybody, let's breakdance!

{The 4th graders and Tina begin breakdancing with Trogdor}

TOM: Hey! Stop it! This party isn't for Smirtimer, it's a no-Smartimer party!

TINA: Oh, go cool your head, Tom.

{Two 4th graders dump the Gatorade bucket onto Tom}

TOM: Oh no, I got stuff dumped on top of me! {muttering} And Smartimer is popular again, too, probably! And learned a lesson about giving a care, maybe!

{Once the breakdancing was over, Trogdor faced Smartimer and talked in the computer voice from Peasant's Quest}

TROGDOR: It's time for me to go. I must burninate the kingdom of Peasantry.

SMARTIMER: Will I ever see you again?

TROGDOR: Don't you see, Smartimer? The real Trogdor was inside you all along.

SMARTIMER: {unimpressed} Really? That's what you're going with?

TROGDOR: How about: Trogdor was the friends you made along the way.

SMARTIMER: Almost...

TROGDOR: Trogdor is the... somethin' about tolerance... stay in milk, drink your school... listen, I got nothin'. Smell you later!

{He flies away fast on his wingalings}

''{The next day was Sunday, Smartimer's birthday. He jumped out of bed and ran downstairs}''

MOM: Smartimer, we're spending your REAL birthday party at Aardvark's Pizza!

SMARTIMER: Finally!

{At the pizza arcade, the restaurant area was decked out in finest birthday decorations, and all his 4th grade friends were there}

SMARTIMER: Can I open presents?

DAD: Lunch first, then cake, then presents.

SMARTIMER: But dad! Presents before cake, is really great; cake before presents, you'll be....eating....pheasant.

MOM: Before you get too hasty, see what's on the snack table.

''{Smartimer looks at the food table and sees a great big Trogdor cake, and Swiss cake rolls, pizza, iron cups full of Brunswick stew, Fluffy Puff Marshmallows, Diet Brown and... pheasant}''

SMARTIMER: Nice touch! How did you get all this?

DAD: It helps that it's the 80's and we're upper-middle class!

SMARTIMER: That explains it.

{He takes a big plate of food, and is about to begin eating, when...}

SOME KID: Hey everyone, the live show is about to start!

{He points at the animatronic band}

AARDVARK: Hey, kids! Are you r--

''{The animal robot was interrupted when a pleat-èd boot kicks Aardvark over causing it to fall and its head to come off. It was Larry, and his band Limozeen}''

LARRY: Helloooooo child's birthday party! We're from the band Limozeeeen-uh!

{The kids scream and cheer out loud}

LARRY: And tonight we're gonna ROCK HARD! (as hard as legally allowed by local noise ordinances!)

{The band starts right in with Nite Mamas, and continues playing their hit songs throughout this scene}

SMARTIMER: How in the world did you get my favorite band to play at my birthday party?

MARY: {pokes his head in} We did it for the sweet, sweet soundtrack royalties!

SMARTIMER: Of course you did. Well, let's eat!

{After enjoying a big meal and having a slice of cake, Smartimer wants to open some presents}

SMARTIMER: Let's see what secrets these babies hold!

{He finds inside the gifts: a Super FunMachine, B.E.E.F.Y toys, and the Trogdor board game, deluxe Burninator edition, as well as Homestar character meeples for to play Stack 'Em to the Heavens}

SMARTIMER: Only from Cheap as Free Toys!

{The logo dings on screen}

{Meanwhile, Limozeen finishes playing their set and Larry speaks on the mic}

LARRY: Hey, every peoples! This has been fun, but we gotta do something truly special for the occasion.

SOME KID: {raises his hand} Make out with all the divorced hot moms?

GARY: {whispers harshly} Shush! That comes after the show, kid!

LARRY: No, no, what we're gonna do is dedicate a new song to the birthday boy, uuhhhhhh {looks at his wrist} Smartimer!

SMARTIMER: He said it! He said my name!

LARRY: So we're gonna play this song and it is called "You Burninated My Heart"!

{The lights go all dim and the band plays the opening}

LARRY: {singing} From the moment that-a we first met I knew it would be true Ever since you came in the night You know our friendship is consummate Just like your spinities Hey, Troggie, man, you're alright I ain't no peasant but I'm on fire! Your majesty's shinin' like a funeral pyre When I'm cruisin' down Rodeo Drive so smooth You know I'm gonna be thinkin' of you Cuz you burninated my heart!

{Followed by a squeedly, lighter-waving guitar solo}

LARRY: {spoken} Out of all the rich kids' private birthday parties, this one is definitely somewhere in the top 20! Thank you, and tip your bartender! I mean your, erm....pizza tender! {singing} Ain't no Wormdingler gonna get us down That ciaroscuro crap can get out of town Cuz you burninated my heart!

{The song concludes and the crowd of kids cheer out loud}

LARRY: And the Limozeen ROCKS in the night-uh! Thank you!

{After the song, a random radio switches on}

RADIO: And coming in at numba one on the charts, it's Limozeen with "You Burninated My Heart"!

SMARTIMER: How did you make that song a hit so fast?

LARRY: We paid off the Billboard judges-uh! Awright!

RADIO: And stay tuned later for The AM Morning "CRUDE" Crew with Stoops and Gusso, dedicated to that boy what danced with Trogdor that one time. Featuring special guest, DJ The Deathly Pallor.

SMARTIMER: Oh man! I hate those guys.

{Zoom out to see every kids cheering for Smartimer, until it zooms out of the building to show Haysi outside}

HAYSI: And Smartimer and his family lived happily, while this Venus of pop rapped snappily and enjoyed a hot apple tea. So bye, catch you on the B side.

{Frame shifts left to show Smartimer being carried outside in celebration by cheering party guests}

SMARTIMER: Hey, why didn't you come to the party?

HAYSI: They'd make me wear shoes and pants and that is a plain drag, man!

SMARTIMER: Suit yourself!

{Iris out on Smartimer and the credits roll}