AWMPSCEIRLOMGG/Week 2 (1st half)

Wrestling Observer News

 * On this week's Raw, Chris Jericho defeated Akebono after a Lionsault knocked him hear out of the ring, and he was unable to make it back to the ring by a count of 10.
 * The same card also had a very fun promo where John Cena recites what's on his Christmas list. Aside from some very funny things, Batista's WWE Championship held a prominent place on his list.
 * A few workers are going to be leaving the companies they work for. Dirk Ciglar will leave International Wrestling Cartel to work for JAPW full-time; Scotty 2 Hotty will not be renewing his contract with WWE; and Booker T may be gone from TNA after only a year and a half working for the company.
 * On Zero1-Max First Strike, CIMA had a big main event match, defending his NWA United National Heavyweight championship against Masaaki Mochizuki in a technical wrestling showcase.
 * Katsuyori Shibata, Darkside, and Rod Rage have all left the wrestling business to train for MMA fights, and will not return to the ring for 5 months. Meanwhile, Munenori Sawa has won his MMA battle and will be returning to Zero1-Max at the end of the month, to wrestle as Lingerie Mutoh.
 * In backstage romance news, Pequeño Damián 666 has broken up with his long-time girlfriend Raven Hiroka. The reason behind it is unknown at this time.
 * On joshi puroresu program OZ Academy, Aja Kong defended her Universal title against Mayumi Ozaki in her 11th successful title defense.
 * The same card also featured Manami Toyota defeating Haruka Matsuo, in a fine display of pure Japanese wrestling.
 * In AAA, several wrestlers and staff have let it slip that Histeria has been wheeling and dealing and pushing his backstage politics to try and advance himself on the card. Officials are trying to keep the story quiet, not wanting people to get the wrong idea about their fan favorite.
 * This week on Dragon Gate Infinity, CIMA defended his Open The Brave Gate title against Magnum TOKYO, when Heat slipped into the ring and bashed him with a foreign object, resulting in a disqualification.
 * The same show had Dragon Kid defeating Super Shisa to defend his Television title; and Akira Tozawa, Naomichi Marufuchi and Heat defeated Blood Generation (the stable of Don Fujii, Masato Yoshino and Naruki Doi.
 * CMLL Jiucio Final 2007 was aired this week, with the main event being Atlantis, Rey Bucanero and Ultimo Guerrero defeating Blue Panther, Dr. Wagner Jr. and El Olimpico to defend the World Trios titles.
 * The card also featured Tarzan Boy defending his Light Heavyweight title against Mr. Aguila in a real high flying lucha match.
 * Diane Smith has declared herself the face of Full Impact Pro, despite the fact that FIP is failing and can only do a few shows per year. It's unknown whether she plans to move on to better promotions.

At WWE Headquarters...
{Strong Bad walks through the halls of an office building, occasionally looking back at a figure that isn't there}

STRONG BAD: Man, I feel like total crap. Why do I got to share the spotlight with you? It should be me, Strong Mad, and the insidious Mr. Cheatayama walking these halls.

{No response from Gary the Legend}

STRONG BAD: I can't even be seen talking to you. I only roll with the uhh... existent crowd.

{He stands in front of an important looking office}

STRONG BAD: Don't embarrass me.

''{He enters the office. Inside, he finds the power trio of Vince, Shane, and Stephanie staring him down}''

STRONG BAD: Well... we're here.

SHANE: ..."We"?

STRONG BAD: You know who you hired. Strong Bad and Gary the Legend. The wrestlers that fell out of the sky?

{They give him a stern look}

VINCE: Where is Gary?

STRONG BAD: {nervous laugh} Heh heh... I guess The Poopsmith didn't tell you.

STEPHANIE: Tell us what?

STRONG BAD: Gary the Legend happens to be Homestar Runner's IMAGINARY tag team partner.

{The mood becomes tense as Vince stares daggers in to him}

VINCE: You are playing a joke on me, aren't you?

STRONG BAD: No way, man. This is way too pathetic to be my idea. If I wanted to play a joke, it would involve a live shark tank, a gallon of mustard--

{Vince raises his hand to silence him}

VINCE: You think this is funny?

STRONG BAD: Nope. It's just sad.

{The McMahons give each other a look}

STRONG BAD: Call Haysi Fantayzee. She'll tell you the same thing. As for what you're gonna do with Gary... You figure it out.

{He exits the office}

Later, on RAW
{Inside Wings Stadium, where the RAW roster is meeting with the general manager...}

THEODORE LONG: ...Then you hit the 619 on Jimmy Jacobs, get that 1 2 3, clean as a whistle, feel me playa?

REY MISTERIO: Clean as a whistle, holmes.

THEODORE: After that... Christian?

CHRISTIAN: Yeah, man?

THEODORE: You got the new guy, Gary the Legend.

CHRISTIAN: But dude... he didn't show up to the show. We gotta write him off.

THEODORE: {rubbing his neck} Now, uh, this is gonna sound like real cap, but... Gary the Legend is imaginary. He is Strong Bad's imaginary friend.

STRONG BAD: Don't drag me into this!

CHRISTIAN: This is ridiculous. I can't wrestle an imaginary friend!

THEODORE: Don't lay this on me, playa. This was a big error in judgement on the part of some unnamed hiring agent who has since left to seek their future endeavors. But I won't leave you hangin'. Lemme holla at you like this. We'll have SOMEBODY out there for you to wrestle. They'll be in a mask, and it ain't necessarily gonna be the same man each time, but the WWE Universe will have Gary the Legend, as promised. We just gotta make some last minute arrangements...

{Christian shoots Strong Bad a look}

STRONG BAD: Don't look at me, I'm not laughing.

CHRISTIAN: You better not be.

*Strong Bad and Gary the Legend have debuted on WWE RAW.*

Strong Bad def. Matt Hardy in a Cage match (match rating: 53)

Christian def. "Gary the Legend" (match rating: 67)

At Empty High School Gymnasium...
{Inside Empty High School Gymnasium, where The Poopsmith and Haysi Fantayzee are addressing their roster of wrestlers...}

HAYSI FANTAYZEE: Attention, cats and kittens! I have a way-out announcement to make!

THE KING OF TOWN: The catering table is here?

HAYSI FANTAYZEE: Yes! But that's not my announcement. My announcement is that we have hired our very first 3D-type people to wrestle for AWMPSCE!

MARZIPAN: Don't we have a full roster?

HAYSI FANTAYZEE: Apparently, SOME of our major stars are too cool to work for us. I'm thinking about our future here.

{She shoots Strong Bad the stink eye}

STRONG BAD: A wrestleman's got to have his Wrestlemania moment. Deal with it.

HAYSI FANTAYZEE: {calls out} Enter the danger zone, crazy cats!

{Three human wrestlers come through the curtain and mingle with the dumb animal characters}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Sweet genius, look at those realistic 3D graphics! It's like I'm playin' StrongBadZone over here!

HAYSI FANTAYZEE: Lemme introduce them. This guy in the tie is Joey Machete, he's gonna be jobber-to-the-stars for awhile, and maybe if he proves himself he'll move up the card.

JOEY MACHETE: {pumps his fist} Let's goooo!

HAYSI FANTAYZEE: The bald one is Danny Basham. He just left Vincetopia and he needs somewhere to work.

DANNY BASHAM: {nods} Glad to be here.

HAYSI FANTAYZEE: I couldn't get Doug Basham along with him, so I think he needs a name.

DANNY BASHAM: When I wrestle solo, I usually go by The Damaja--

HOMSAR: {interrupts} YouUuUuUng Gutterman!

HAYSI FANTAYZEE: {points at Homsar} Fabulous! Marvelous! Young Gutterman it is, then!

DANNY BASHAM: Uhhh...

HAYSI FANTAYZEE: Now, the lovely lady over here is Torrie Wilson. Say hey!

{Torrie waves}

HAYSI FANTAYZEE: She's gonna be the star of the show! My headliner! A poster out front with a beautiful face, her big name in uppercase, giving our promotion style and grace! It's eclectic! It's electric!

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Uh, but you're still gonna give the Sizzleweight belt to me, right?

HAYSI FANTAYZEE: We'll see.

STRONG BAD: Is she single?

TORRIE WILSON: I'm married to Billy Kidman.

STRONG BAD: Crap.

HAYSI FANTAYZEE: This star power will supercharge our first supercard, O' Decemberween! Coming this Saturday!

*Success: Joey Machete, Danny Basham and Torrie Wilson have been hired by AWMPSCE.*