Stinkoman Email/12

Stinkoman Email #12: Mask

Summary: A familiar-looking email has unexpected results on the Stinkoman Emails universe.

Cast (in order of appearance): Stinkoman, 1-Up, You

Places: Stinkoman Headquarters, Stinkoman's Kitchen, Real World

Date: September 30, 2021

Transcript
STINKOMAN: Here comes another email! Hello, email!

Dear Stinkoman, Do you ever take your mask and gloves

off before you go to bed?

Your's truly,

Some guy in DE.

STINKOMAN: {typing} I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about, de-man. I don't wear a mask, nor do I wear gloves! If you're refering to the spherical shapes at the end of my hands, these are my double deuce busters! They are an inherit part of my design as a robot dude with robot boots!

{Stinkoman proceeds to clear the screen.}

STINKOMAN: I have to say, it is refreshing to answer a question that has absolutely nothing to do with the fighting and challenging that is my job! Even the greatest challengers need a break... to eat pudding with a spoon!

''{Cut to Stinkoman in his kitchen, burying his face into a bowl of pudding and eating it with the quickness of an anime robot-dude eating pudding like in an anime. 1-Up walks up to him.}''

1-UP: Hey, Stinkoman. Can I eat some pudding too?

STINKOMAN: Yes way!

{Stinkoman throws 1-Up a bowl and they both chow down on the delicious chocolate pudding for a bit longer than you'd think.}

1-UP: Stinkoman. I've been thinking...

STINKOMAN: You think? You're capable of think? I don't pay you to think!

1-UP: You don't pay me at all?

STINKOMAN: Oh, right. What'chu thinkin' abou'?

1-UP: Well, you have shiny spheres for hands and I have no hands. How do either of us type emails?

STINKOMAN: Ugh, you too? Maybe don't think too hard about any of that. It's not important in any way and doesn't effect the quality of the body of work either of us put out.

1-UP: But, Stinkoman. It sabotages the believability of our universe.

STINKOMAN: We really need to stop breaking the fourth wall.

1-UP: That's not breaking the fourth wall. This is breaking the fourth wall.

{1-Up jumps up from his position and proceeds to kick through the screen of the device that you are reading this transcript on.}

STINKOMAN: 1-UP! Wait, no! That's not supposed to be possible!

1-UP: {running off in the real-world} I'm going to get some answers if it's the last thing I dooooooooooooooo!

STINKOMAN: Look what you've done, de-man! The fourth wall's shattered beyond repair and 1-Up's endless curiosity's gotten' the better of him. All of those poor cats! So many cats! Alright, that does it!

''{Stinkoman proceeds to take off his round shiny ball revealing a human hand underneath and then he takes off the other shiny ball revealing yet another human hand. The camera zooms in uncomfortably on his grotesque human hands.}''

STINKOMAN: {angrily} Is this what you wanted, de-man? Is this what will make the fans happy?

{Stinkoman then uses his human fingers to dig into the bottom of his "mask" as it physically bends and tugs to his influence.}

STINKOMAN: Are you ready for this? Are you sure? Okay, then!

''{Stinkoman pulls off his mask revealing a one-eyed tentacle creature coming out of a portal, as the background becomes a looping kaleidoscope. The creature screams into the camera and it reverberates through the now cracked screen (due to the hole 1-Up left behind), echoing through out your world. The creature slowly comes toward the screen, climbing out of the Homestar Runner Fanstuff Wiki page and into the living, breathing world of flesh and blood. It reacts weirdly to the oxygen of our world because fictional creatures (let alone, fictional creatures from a purely text-based medium) are not equipped to handle the intensity of our Earth's gravity. It starts writhing on the ground, screaming, bumping into walls and scaring children. The government swiftly arrives with armed forces to neutralize the creature and take it away so it can be dissected, leaving you very confused.}''

YOU: What the f--

''{Stinkoman wakes up in his bed in a cold sweat, he looks around frantically and pats himself down. His spherical ball-hands are exactly where they should be, his "mask" is still on. This email was non-canon and all happened inside of his head.}''

STINKOMAN: Oh, thank Jaro! That is the absolute last time that I let 1-Up cook dinner.

Fun Facts

 * The email being replied to by Stinkoman is a direct reference to the very first email that Strong Bad ever checked, basically using the same wording verbatim. However, Stinkoman responds a tad differently.
 * Breaking the fourth wall and doing meta commentary on the Homestar Runner body of work has become a reoccuring part of Stinkoman Emails to which Stinkoman actively tries to move away from, but 1-Up just throws him back in.
 * This is the first appearance of you, the reader, as a character in Stinkoman Emails. Now that you are a character, you are legally owned by the creator of Stinkoman Emails and I'll be suing for use of your likeness.
 * This episode is non-canon. But, who cares about canon?