hpe/22

Hpemail #22

Horrible Painting tells a tale of a booth, a tooth, and a youth. But without the youth.

Page Title: Grody Nine

Running Time: 18:17

Date: June 22, 2019

Script
HP: Email is a method of sending and recieving messages through electronic means. Like so.

HP: {typing} Come now, fat dude. No need to lie about your weight here. We're cool. We won't make fun of you too severely. {clears screen} As for your question... well, the short answer is he wanted to get married. I mean, why else, right? And the long answer... it's a long story. You see, it all started a few million years ago, when Earth was ruled by the dinosaurs...

{Cut to a wide shot}

GOBLIN: You should probably skip to the part where we, you know, meet Jaundice Jerry.

HP: Fine. It all started a couple years ago.

{Wavy flashback transition to HP on his old computer, the Sandy 0.4}

HP: {singing} Email songs, email songs... I will never sing two in the same cartoon.

HP: {typing} The Homestar Ween Con? Of course! I love going to those! Where is it?

{The screen goes black and Bad Graphics Ghost appears on it}

HP: Whoa, Brad! Don't startle me like that.

BAD GRAPHICS GHOST: {computerized beeps; the following text appears} Sorry, man. Just wanted to answer your question. Or more accurately, not answer it. You see, we haven't quite decided on a place yet. Would you be willing to host?

HP: Yes! Yes I most certainly would!

BAD GRAPHICS GHOST: {computerized beeps; the following text appears} Great! I'll email the others. {disappears}

{Cut to a wide shot}

HP: Goblin! Goblin! Goblin! Goblin!

GOBLIN: {walks in} Yeah?

HP: We're hosting the Ween Con this year!

GOBLIN: Oh. I didn't agree to that.

HP: Well, I did! Aren't you excited? We finally have people coming on in here! I'll have guests to entertain!

GOBLIN: Yeah, that's cool.

''{Fade to later, showing a panning shot of the painting. Various Halloween characters are standing around, eating, and talking. The themes from each Halloween toon can be heard playing in the background throughout. Horrible Painting, wearing a purple top hat, walks up to a microphone and taps on it. Everyone stops talking.}''

HP: Hello? This thing on? Yes. Yes it is. Answered my own question there. Whoops. Heh heh. Uh...

{Silence}

HP: I guess I didn't really need to say that out loud... or, uh, into a microphone. I mean, not that answering my own question is weird or anything, but, uh, it's just not... something... that... {trails off}

{Silence}

HP: {clears throat} Anyways! Uh, how&mdash; {cough} how is everybody? I mean, welcome to the, uh, the Homestar Ween Con! 2017! First... I see we've got some new faces this year, so, uh, we'll maybe let everyone introduce themselves! How does that sound? Who wants to go first?

{Silence}

HP: All right. I'll go first. Makes sense. Since I'm hosting and all that... and I have the microphone, and, you know. Uh... as you know, I'm the Rocoulm, also known as the Horrible Painting, also known as the Jibblies Painting, also known as Horrorguy, also known as HP. I've been a character for twelve years, but I've only become a Halloween character for the last ten. Uh, today just so happens to be the tenth anniversary of my claim to fame, Jibblies 2, which is... you know. {clears throat} Uh, that's nice. Anyway, I live here. Welcome to my house! I guess I should've said that... earlier. And thank you all for coming. Yeah, those would've been good words to... say... in my, y'know... introduction.

''{Silence. The microphone squeals.}''

HP: I, uh, I plan to redo the kitchen. You know, add some tiles, a backsplash maybe, all that. So... yeah, sorry you had to come here at a less... than... uh, what's the word? It's&mdash; it's not a bad time, but it's, y'know, it's... {clears throat} it's not great. So, uh, I apologize, kinda. Well, no, not kinda. I do apologize. Like, all the way, almost. Uh... yeah. Anyone else? Who wants to introduce themselves? Anyone?

{Silence}

HP: Uh, Goblin? You go next!

GOBLIN: Fine. I'm the Goblin. I've been a Halloween character for seventeen years. I'm best known for showing up almost every year, having no lines, and doing my signature dance. {dances}

HP: Cus?

CUS: {growls}

HP: Uh, I can translate that. Cus is an acronym for Carnivorous Undead Sheep. He's been a Halloween character for nine years now, despite only making one appearance. Uh, and coincidentally, nine years ago is also... uh, the time... when we adopted him as a pet! Right? Goblin? 2008? You accidentally killed him, but not really, since he was already dead-ish, or something? Or we, like, revived him maybe?

GOBLIN: Yeah, probably one of those things.

HP: All right. Who be next? Brad? You wanna say a few words to our fine guests?

BAD GRAPHICS GHOST: {beeps}

HP: Um, for those who don't speak robot-speak... er, is that robot-speak?

GOBLIN: I once knew a robot who spoke Spanish...

HP: For those who don't speak computer-whatever-language, he said his name is Brad Gaphicski Ghost. He's the spirit of the Tandy 400 who escaped from the computer when it was thrown out. He possessed his old computer-body for a while in 2008 to get one more email checked, and was killed shortly thereafter, becoming a ghost permanently. He's wandered through the Internet ever since, only coming out for special occasions such as this. He enjoys creeping into other peoples' files and reading all their secrets, and hacking and/or haunting random electronic devices. Jibblie. He's never been in a proper Halloween toon, but he was in a Halloween sbemail back in '02. Who next? Large Bean?

LARGE BEAN: {cold silence}

HP: Oh, right. Mr. Bean's not much of a talker. Whoa, like, hardly any of us can actually speak words. That's weird. Anyway, he's some kind of manifestation of Strong Bad's imagination. He's only been a character for the last two years. Other varieties include Small Bean, Extra Large Bean, and Teenie-Weenie Beanie. He seems all unsettling, but deep down, I bet he's just a joyous bean. Isn't that right? Next up... {sigh} Steven.

STEVEN: Wa-hey-hey! My name is Steven, and I'm somebody's dad. I'm also the younger cousin of Horrible Painting over here. I can do a 220 in 4:45. Like the colossal legume over there, I too am a figment of wrestleman's brain, and also like him, I've only been on this website for two years! Do the similarities never end?!

HP: No, you guys are nothing alike. Large Bean is fairly tolerable.

STEVEN: Oh, Rocoulm, you and your jokes. {to everyone else} This guy's hilarious! We get along real well, me and him. I'm not that serious about riding, but hey, did I mention I can do a 220 in 4:45?

HP: Yes. That's enough. You can leave now.

STEVEN: The party hasn't even&mdash;

HP: Anyone next?

{The screen dims}

GOBLIN: {voiceover} Hold on a second.

{Cut back to present-day}

GOBLIN: You haven't even gotten to Jaundice Jerry yet!

HP: I'm getting to that part! Just be patient!

{Cut back to the flashback}

HP: Next up... {points to someone} wait, who are you guys?

{Cut to Old Man Rootbeer and Mr. Poofers}

MR. POOFERS: {squeaky voice} Miffa miffa meeka moo!

OLD MAN ROOTBEER: {gruff voice} Don't mind us. We're s'posed to be in next year's cra-toon. I'm Old Man Rootbeer, and that kid eats my pimecones.

HP: Good styles. And... {points to someone else} hey, I don't recognize you either.

JAUNDICE JERRY: M&mdash; my name's Jaundice Jerry.

HP: Did you say Jaundiced Jerry?

JAUNDICE JERRY: Jaundice Jerry.

HP: Jaundiced Jerry.

JAUNDICE JERRY: Nevermind. The&mdash; the Chapman brothers hired me to, uh, be in this year's Halloween cartoon. Although I don't know what I'll be doing yet. These things are mostly improvised. I don't even know what role I'll be playing. And I'm not much of an actor. I usually just hide in photo booths and show up in photos whenever someone says "Jaundice Jerry will never marry."

HP: Ah, an essential part of any photo booth. Now, let the ween festivities begin!

''{Everyone cheers. A ringtone interrupts the cheering. Everyone is silent as the ringtone echoes throughout the room. Jaundice Jerry nervously reaches into his pocket and presses a button on his cell phone.}''

JAUNDICE JERRY: Hello?

{Muffled phone speech}

JAUNDICE JERRY: Really?

{Muffled phone speech}

JAUNDICE JERRY: Oh. That's... that's disappointing. Sorry if I wasn't good enough.

{Muffled phone speech}

JAUNDICE JERRY: {sigh} You too. {hangs up}

HP: Who was that?

JAUNDICE JERRY: The Chapman brothers. They fired me. They found a new photo booth-haunting ghost.

GOBLIN: Aw. We're so sorry. If it's any consolation to you, we can&mdash;

HP: Hey, that means you're not a Halloween character anymore! Get out of our Ween Con!

JAUNDICE JERRY: {dejected} Oh. Okay then. Sorry to impose. {leaves}

HP: Bye, Jaundiced Jerry. See you in photos or something.

GOBLIN: Horrible Painting, that's horrible, painting! You can't just kick him out.

HP: Why not?

GOBLIN: Because now there's no one to haunt our photo booth.

HP: Ooh. Good point. Hey, Brad! Send an email to the new ghost.

BAD GRAPHICS GHOST: {agreeing beeps; disappears in a flash}

{Pause}

HP: This might take a while.

{Long pause}

HP: The Internet is surprisingly hard to navigate.

{Longer pause}

HP: He's probably on his way back from the virtual world as we speak.

{The Bad Graphics Ghost reappears in a flash}

HP: See? I told you!

BAD GRAPHICS GHOST: {beeps}

HP: Stabby Gabby, eh?

JAUNDICE JERRY: {pops back in} Did you say Stabby Gabby?!

HP: Uh, yeah. She's replacing you in the cartoon.

JAUNDICE JERRY: That's great! She's amazing! She's a celebrity in the photo booth ghost community. I've read all her novels!

HP: Huh. Well, when will she be here?

JAUNDICE JERRY: She's... she's coming here?!

{Stabby Gabby floats in}

JAUNDICE JERRY: Stabby Gabby! Hi! My name is Jaundry Jerrice! Er, Jerry Jaundy! Whatever! I'm a big fan!

STABBY GABBY: {snickers}

HP: Jerry, I told you to leave. Scramoose!

JAUNDICE JERRY: {to HP} Hey, can I haunt the photo booth too? I won't cause any trouble. Two ghosts are better than one, right? Thanks!

''{The two ghosts float into the booth. Pause.}''

GOBLIN: Well, who wants snacks?

''{Everyone cheers. Cut to the two ghosts inside a ghostly realm resembling the photo booth.}''

JAUNDICE JERRY: So, uh... tell me about yourself. You like cloth?

STABBY GABBY: {snickers}

JAUNDICE JERRY: Yeah, me too. What's your favorite flavor of spaghetti?

STABBY GABBY: {snickers}

JAUNDICE JERRY: What do you mean there's only one flavor of spaghetti?!

STABBY GABBY: {snickers}

JAUNDICE JERRY: Yeah, I guess you're right. {to himself} Wow, our first fight. It's like it was meant to be!

STABBY GABBY: {snickers}

JAUNDICE JERRY: Nothing.

''{Cut back to the Ween Con. Everyone is standing around the snack table.}''

HP: So you can't eat, huh, Brad?

BAD GRAPHICS GHOST: {beeps}

HP: I guess that makes sense. What about you, Large Bean? I assume you don't want the legumes...

{Silence}

HP: I guess you're not that social, huh? Well, you don't have to eat if you don't want to. I mean, you can starve to death for all I care. Or&mdash; wait. Are you already dead?

{Silence}

HP: Wow. You really don't say anything, do you?

STEVEN: I must say, Horrible, these chips are de-luxe!

HP: You aren't supposed to have those! I specifically bought those chips for everyone except you. Seriously, they're Sprain't brand! That's my favorite brand!!

STEVEN: You're right, favorite cousin. I shouldn't be eating these things. They'll rot your lungs! I gotta keep up my rigorous biking diet! Even though I'm not that serious about riding. Although I can do a 220&mdash;

HP: ENOUGH!!

STEVEN: Precisely. Enough chips! That's what I've had. I don't need any more. Anyone got any kale?

OLD MAN ROOTBEER: No, but I've got pimecones.

HP: Uh... I&mdash; I don't see why any pimecones will be needed tonight. We're... we're just having snacks.

OLD MAN ROOTBEER: You're tellin' me you never tried pimecones? This dumb dog steals 'em from me all the time!

MR. POOFERS: Miffa miffa!

''{By now, all of the snacks have been eaten. Jaundice Jerry and Stabby Gabby exit the photo booth.}''

JAUNDICE JERRY: Attention, everyone! Gabby and I have had a very important discussion. We want to get married.

GOBLIN: Seriously? You guys met like three minutes ago.

STABBY GABBY: {snickers}

JAUNDICE JERRY: What she said. That was articulated perfectly.

HP: Well, when's the wedding?

JAUNDICE JERRY: We, uh, haven't decided the time yet.

STABBY GABBY: {snickers}

JAUNDICE JERRY: What? Kinda rushed, don't you think?

STABBY GABBY: {snickers}

JAUNDICE JERRY: That is an excellent point. Today it is!

HP: You mean, like, in a few hours? But it's getting pretty late. By the time the Halloween toon is finished, it'll be midnight or so.

JAUNDICE JERRY: No, we were thinking... maybe now?

HP: Right now? In my house?

JAUNDICE JERRY: Of course! You and Goblin got married here, didn't you?

HP: For the last time, it was all an elaborate hoax!!

JAUNDICE JERRY: Sure it was, Horrible Painting. Sure it was.

''{Fade to later. The house is redecorated for a wedding.}''

HP: {into a microphone} Jaundice Eugene Jerry, Stabby Gwendolyn Gabby, please step to the front of the room. Like, kinda where I'm standing, but not exactly where I'm standing, 'cause then we'd be in the exact same place and we'd probably explode or something. Or maybe we'd morph into some kind of ghost-painting hybrid. With laser arms and robotic eyelids! Oh man, that'd be so cool.

JAUNDICE JERRY: Pardon?

HP: Uh... please come over here so I can marry you guys. Like, not marry you, but, you know... marry you.

JAUNDICE JERRY: Sure. But can we take a few pictures together in the photo booth first? We want to have some photos of us together before our big day.

HP: This is your big day.

JAUNDICE JERRY: You know what I mean. Before our big... several seconds.

HP: Sure, whatever.

{They float into the booth}

HP: Now, we'll just wait. Uh... everyone's here, right? Goblin, Cus, Brad, Large Bean, {under his breath} Steven, {normal} Poofers, Rootbeer, Homestar&mdash; Wait a minute. Homestar?

{Cut to Homestar in the crowd, dressed as Dale Murphy, in his painting stylization from Jibblies 2}

HP: You're not a Halloween character.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Not exactly, no. I just came on in here to steal&mdash; I mean, check out your photo booth.

HP: No. Get outta here.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Oh, come on! Just one photo.

HP: I'm trying to wed these two weird ghosties. Now if you don't mind, I kindly invite you to get outta my house.

''{A "peow" is heard offscreen. Cut to the characters. Homestar is no longer there.}''

HP: There. He's gone. Jerry and Gabby should be out of the booth any second now...

{He looks over at the booth, which is now missing}

HP: What the&mdash;? HOMESTAR!! First he leaves my house before eternity ends, then he has the audacity to steal my belongings?!

BAD GRAPHICS GHOST: {beeps}

HP: I don't care if it belonged to you! He stole it from my house! We gotta get that photo booth back.

BAD GRAPHICS GHOST: {beeps}

HP: Oh, right. And the bride and groom. But how?

BAD GRAPHICS GHOST: {beeps}

GOBLIN: You installed a tracker on the photo booth? Great! Where is it now?

BAD GRAPHICS GHOST: {beeps}

HP: Okay then. To Marzipan's we go!

{Cut to the inside of the photo booth, with a haunted house background}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {offscreen} I don't wanna go in that spooky place, Marzipan! Don't make me go!

MARZIPAN: {offscreen} Homestar, it'll be fine. Now get in there.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {offscreen} Aw, Marzipan...

{Homestar lifts an orange curtain and enters with Marzipan (each in their costumes)}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: I hate these dang old photo boofs. {lifts his bat up and brandishes it at Marzipan} It's an absolute waste of a perfectly good boof!

MARZIPAN: It's the crown jewel of my Halloween party!

{Cut to the Halloween characters lurking in the shadows behind the photo booth}

HP: Just our luck. He took it to a party full of people.

GOBLIN: We can't take the booth without everyone noticing.

HP: Aw. Well, there goes our plan. Let's go home.

GOBLIN: We can't go home yet! We'll just think of a plan B.

HP: But that's a worse letter than A!

GOBLIN: Doesn't matter. Okay, here's the plan. First, I'll try&mdash;

HP: Let's compromise. This will be plan A-2. As in, the sequel to plan A.

GOBLIN: Yeah whatever. First, I'll try&mdash;

HP: We could even make it a reboot of plan A. Or better yet, a prequel!

GOBLIN: SHUT UP ABOUT PLAN A!

{Silence}

GOBLIN: First, I'll try talking to Jaundice Jerry. Hey, Jerry!

JAUNDICE JERRY: {ghostly voiceover} Yes?

GOBLIN: Would you mind doing a favor for us? And for you? Mostly for you?

{Cut to the ghostly realm resembling the photo booth, where Jaundice Jerry and Stabby Gabby are waiting to leave}

JAUNDICE JERRY: I guess. What is it?

{Cut back to the house}

GOBLIN: Can you haunt every single photo of these dumb animal characters? We need 'em to get scared and return our photo booth.

JAUNDICE JERRY: {echoey voiceover} I'm afraid I can only do that if they repeat "Jaundice Jerry will never marry" three times. I could get fired for doing otherwise.

{Cut back to the Halloween characters}

HP: Aw, man. There's gotta be some other way to scare 'em into giving us our booth back...

''{Cut to the inside of the booth. The King of Town walks in.}''

THE KING OF TOWN: Doo! Who put all these taffies here? {holding a taffy with a gold tooth in it} I should take a picture of myself eating this nasty taffy!

''{He takes three photos and steps outside. The photos have a ghost glare on them.}''

THE KING OF TOWN: Doo! A ghost! What is this, some kind of haunted photo booth? {drops the photos}

''{Cut back to the Halloween characters. The Goblin picks up the photos.}''

GOBLIN: That's weird. These photos have a ghost in them. Maybe something else is haunting the booth.

HP: Almost looks like a glare.

GOBLIN: Hey, that's it! It is a glare! It must be from that gold tooth in the taffy!

HP: Why is there a gold tooth in the taffy?

GOBLIN: I have no idea, but we gotta get that tooth in everyone's photos! If they see this ghost glare, they'll definitely return our booth!

{Cut to some characters in a conversation on the couch}

STRONG SAD: ...And that's why come Shakespeare was so awesome.

STRONG BAD: Well, Stro So, that was a wonderful waste of boring time.

{Large Bean slinks over and places the tooth in the Poopsmith's Instant Martians container, then leaves}

THE POOPSMITH: {holds up a sign that reads "I'ma take some photos now."}

''{Cut to the photos being printed. Each one has a ghost glare.}''

GOBLIN: {whispering} YES! It worked! Now just keep doing the same thing for every character!

BAD GRAPHICS GHOST: {beeps}

GOBLIN: Yeah, but it'll still be worth it! We'll get our booth back!

BAD GRAPHICS GHOST: {beeps}

GOBLIN: Right, sorry. Your booth.

BAD GRAPHICS GHOST: {beeps}

GOBLIN: Ah, yes. And the two ghosts haunting it.

STEVEN: This sounds like a great time for a montage!

''{Montage music begins. Cut to Marzipan walking through the house. The Bad Graphics Ghost quickly swoops by and places the tooth on her flair without being noticed. Camera flash transition to Marzipan's photos being printed out.}''

''{Cut to Old Man Rootbeer standing on top of the photo booth. He squeezes some glue onto the tooth. He closes one eye, aims, and throws the tooth, which sticks perfectly to Bubs's fez. Camera flash transition to Bubs's photos being printed out.}''

''{Cut to The Goblin hiding behind the photo booth. He picks up the tooth and, using his telekenesis or invisible arms, moves it over to Strong Sad's vest buttons. Camera flash transition to Strong Sad's photos being printed out.}''

''{Cut to Coach Z standing by the snack table. Mr. Poofers sneaks up, and just when the moment is right, he spits the tooth onto his shoe and runs away.}''

''{Camera flash transition to Homestar standing by himself. Horrible Painting sneaks behind him and claps loudly. Startled, Homestar looks over, but HP is already gone. While he's distracted, Cus bites his glowing baseball bat, leaving behind the tooth. Homestar quickly looks over at the bat, as Cus runs off just in time.}''

''{Camera flash transition to Strong Mad drinking something. Steven rides by on his bicycle, too fast to be seen, leaving the tooth tenaciously clenched in Strong Mad's face.}''

''{The montage music ends. Cut back to the Halloween characters behind the booth.}''

GOBLIN: {exhausted} Wow. That was a lot of photos. Did we miss anyone?

HP: I think. I got the undabite man...

GOBLIN: I got the depressed rhino...

HP: Who got that weird wrestleman and his kickable pet?

{Silence}

GOBLIN: I thought you got him.

HP: What? Steven was supposed to do it!

STEVEN: You didn't say that before!

HP: Well, great. We missed one.

GOBLIN: That's okay! Our plan still might work. They'll probably get scared and give us our booth back any second now.

BAD GRAPHICS GHOST: {beeps}

GOBLIN: Your booth.

HP: Are they done taking photos?

GOBLIN: They might be. How should I know? I can't predict the future.

HP: This plan is way harder and less successful than I thought it'd be. There has to be some way to do this without going to every single person at this party, sticking a shiny tooth to their person without being noticed, and running across the room to avoid being seen, all without missing anyone.

GOBLIN: What if we put the gold tooth right inside the photo booth? That way, it'll always be in there, and we won't miss anyone!

HP: That's a great plan! You do it.

GOBLIN: Wh&mdash; why me?

HP: 'Cause I told you to. Now go!

''{The Goblin reluctantly puts the tooth in his mouth and sneaks into the photo booth. Cut to the interior.}''

GOBLIN: Let's see... there has to be someplace to put this so that it makes a glare...

{Cut to Strong Bad, Homestar, and The Cheat}

STRONG BAD: That's all great, Sir Talks-A-Lot, but where's his gold tooth now?

''{Cut to the photo booth. The Goblin's theme plays as some pictures of The Goblin print. The booth opens, showing The Goblin.}''

ALL: The Goblin!

''{The Goblin dances as the tooth shines audibly, with an image of the ghost. Cut to the main characters.}''

HOMESTAR RUNNER: We shoulda had known! {turns around, facing everyone} Now let's all cram in that boof for a group photo before I have to return it to the wedding Marzipan had me steal it from!

''{Everyone cheers as they walk into the booth. Cut to the characters behind it.}''

HP: Wait, did he say he's returning it?

BAD GRAPHICS GHOST: {beeps}

HP: Great. Our whole plan was for nothing.

{The Goblin walks out}

HP: Goblin! What's the big idea? You let them see you!

GOBLIN: I'm always in these cartoons. It's nothing they didn't expect. Plus, I got to be in the Halloween toon! I love when that happens!

''{Fade back to the painting. The characters wait as Homestar carries the booth through the room and puts it down.}''

HOMESTAR RUNNER: There. See ya. {leaves}

''{Jerry and Gabby leave the booth. Horrible Painting steps to the front of the room and everyone sits down.}''

HP: {into a microphone} Jaundice Eugene Jerry, Stabby Gwendolyn Gabby, please step to the front of the room. You know the drill. I said it earlier.

{Jaundice Jerry and Stabby Gabby walk to the front of the room}

HP: Do you, y'know, lawfully wedded wife and all that?

JAUNDICE JERRY: I do.

HP: How 'bout you? Lawful? Weds? Et cetera?

STABBY GABBY: {snickers}

HP: I now pronounce you husband and wiiife!

JAUNDICE JERRY: And they said I'd never marry.

STABBY GABBY: {snickers}

HP: Great. That's done. Now, photo time!

''{Everyone cheers. Flash, which fades to a picture of all the Halloween characters. The photo is captioned "Jerry & Gabby's Nascent Nupitals! 10-31-2017". The marriage song plays. Hold on the image for a few seconds, then cut to an image of the tooth resting on the word "END", with the ghost image faintly visible in the blue background.}''

{The Paintper comes down}

Trivia

 * This is the longest email, at 18:17.

Inside References

 * The entire email is based on the 2017 Halloween toon Haunted Photo Booth.
 * The name of the Homestar Ween Con is a reference to the annual event of the same name at the HRFWiki2 forum.
 * Horrible Painting wanting to entertain guests and redo the kitchen are references to Jibblies 2.
 * Horrible Painting wears his purple top hat from Later That Night....
 * In his introduction speech, Horrible Painting directly mentions Jibblies 2, and indirectly mentions Most in the Graveyard, invisibility, retirement, and ghosts.
 * The ambiguity around Cus's survival after the events of Most in the Graveyard references the DVD-exclusive email Cus, which shows multiple explanations.
 * Goblin mentions knowing a robot who speaks Spanish in the DVD-exclusive email Robot Speak.
 * Steven is a character from the email Somebody's Dad.
 * Large Bean and Steven are explained as being made-up real things.
 * Lines from The House That Gave Sucky Tricks are referenced during Large Bean and Steven's introductions.
 * "Joyous Bean" is a reference to the Skills of an Artist episode Large Bean.
 * Horrible Painting saying Jaundice Jerry as "Jaundiced Jerry" references a brief debate on the Homestar Runner Wiki.
 * The brand "Sprain't" is a reference to the H*R Pictures game on the old forum, in which a character used a spray paint can labelled "SPRAIN'T" (a portmanteau of "spray", "paint", and "ain't"). This brand name appeared on a bag of chips later in the game.
 * Horrible Painting and Goblin's wedding is a reference to Later That Night..., and Horrible Painting's denial of it references the email Marriage.
 * Homestar leaving the house before eternity ends references both Jibblies 2 and the email Homestar.
 * Strong Sad talks about why come Shakespeare was so awesome, like the person on TV in Bug in Mouth Disease.
 * Horrible Painting refers to the wrestleman and his kickable pet.

Real-World References

 * Horrible Painting calls Large Bean "Mr. Bean".