Inanimate Objects in Decidedly Non-Inanimate Situations/Episode 10

Description: The objects explore a sloppily redecorated haunted house. Hey, who are these new guys...?

[note: Miraheze is being a butt so no thumbnail yet.]

Transcript
{Cardboard Marzipan, Humidibot, and Scotty Titi are seen in the Field chatting}

HUMIDIBOT: Hey, congratulations! First one with immunity!

CARDBOARD MARZIPAN: Aww, thanks. Even though we're competing, I wish you good luck.

HUMIDIBOT: Thank you!

{Scotty Titi stares thankfully}

F-SACK: Hey, got any good luck to send my way?

CARDBOARD MARZIPAN: Umm, none for you.

F-SACK: Horse puckey!

DRIVE-THRU WHALE: {imitates a whistle} Steven minutes, horsing the puckey!

F-SACK: That's not a real penalty!

{The Lappier hops into the scene}

LAPPIER: No more wasting time, let's just hit the theme song.

STRONG BAD: {singing} The teams are gone So girl, let's go out to my neighbor's lawn and set fire to some stuff I'll bring Solo cups I'm tired of this song so come on and vote 'em up

LAPPIER: Everyone ready?

FRANK BENNEDETTO: {salutes} At attention, sir!

LAPPIER: Alright. For today's cake, I've recreated Strong Bad's cake for the Poopsmith. I put some beans on it. You know. In case maybe you wanted beans on it.

F-SACK: FINALLY a real cake!

LAPPIER: You've earned it. You made it to the back half of the series.

{Scotty Titi awaits the results}

LAPPIER: Humidibot, for the first time, you received no votes at all.

HUMIDIBOT: YAY! Let's go, Bot and Scot!

{He opens his lid and swallows a slice of cake}

LAPPIER: Next... the soldier himself. You've retained your perfect score.

FRANK BENNEDETTO: It's nothing. All part of my duty.

{He shoves the slice of cake into his head and juices it}

LAPPIER: Now then... Scotty Titi, Drive-Thru Whale, and F-Sack... Once again, you're all tied up.

HUMIDIBOT: {gasps} Scotty's in danger!

F-SACK: Kick him out, man!

LAPPIER: Initiating random generator...

{the progress bar appears on his screen}

LAPPIER: {on his monitor} Drive-Thru Whale Current Status: UNFORTUNATELY, SAFE

HUMIDIBOT: Hang in there, Scot...

LAPPIER: {on his monitor} F-Sack

HUMIDIBOT: Don't you dare...

LAPPIER: {on his monitor} Current status: F-SACKED

F-SACK: Of all the rotten luck! I want my agent!

{The vaccuum tube sucks him up}

LAPPIER: F-Sack will be sent to--

{There is a loud grounding noise and some Flash program icons fall out of the tube}

LAPPIER: --he will get stuck in the tube for 1-2 weeks while I negotiate an estimate with Repairman Bubs. That's punishment enough.

F-SACK: {muffled, offscreen} IT'S CRAMPED IN HERE!

LAPPIER: On to the challenge. On this episode, the contestants will--

''{He is interrupted by loud music, specifically, a funk metal arrangement of the Strongbadia anthem. Out walks the Stop Sign, Tire, Cinder Block, and Bear Holding a Shark}''

LAPPIER: Uh oh.

{The Strongbadia objects pose and throw the Double Deuce (fists only) before settling down to observe the games}

LAPPIER: We don't want no trouble.

STOP SIGN: Hey, don't worry. We're just here to watch.

TIRE: {shrug} Not like we're here to take revenge on the whole show because none of us were allowed to join.

CINDER BLOCK: That would be rude of us, right guys?

{Stop Sign and Tire agree, while Bear growls and slaps the cardboard Shark into his hand like a bat}

LAPPIER: Alright... Once again, on this episode, the contestants will have to escape from St. Cadaverstump's Totally Not Just an Old Furniture Warehouse Morgue-tuary!

FRANK BENNEDETTO: It's February.

LAPPIER: I know that. Don't you think I know that? That's why I revamped it and added pretty Valentine's decorations!

HUMIDIBOT: That sounds so wonderful!...yet confusing!

LAPPIER: Once you enter, I lock the door. First one to exit gets immunity from voting. And no biting!

CARDBOARD MARZIPAN: Since when have we ever had a problem with biting?

DRIVE-THRU WHALE: {peeking from behind her} Sever your leg, please. You want it super-sliced?

CARDBOARD MARZIPAN: I'd rather not!

LAPPIER: Alright. Everybody inside, and get ready to experience the February fury of... St. Cadaverstuuuump. {clicks like a microphone}

''{The objects enter the haunted house. As expected, there were cheap Valentine's Day decorations taped to the cheap Halloween decorations}''

HUMIDIBOT: {shivering} This is spooky yet somewhat lovely!

{Scotty Titi floats along}

HUMIDIBOT: You better stick with me, Scotty. Cuz I'm Humidibot, and cuz we're the Bot and Scot Connection.

{Scotty doesn't respond}

CARDBOARD MARZIPAN: The rest of us, let's split up. One of us will get lucky eventually.

FRANK BENNEDETTO: {nods} Homestarspeed to you.

''{The objects split up and head into seperate rooms. Humidibot and Scotty Titi wander into a room that seems pretty empty}''

HUMIDIBOT: Hm, ain't something supposed to pop out at us by now?

HORRIBLE PAINTING: {off screen} I don't want to come out. It's embarrassing.

HUMIDIBOT: What did they do to you?

HORRIBLE PAINTING: Well, I might as well show you.

{A panel flips open and the Horrible Painting pops out, dressed as a cupid and holding a box of chocolates}

HORRIBLE PAINTING: {sigh} Come on in here.

HUMIDIBOT: AH! Jibblie! Just one jibblie.

{Scotty doesn't react}

HUMIDIBOT: I guess the funny costume dampens the effect.

HORRIBLE PAINTING: New Jibblies Painting is in the union so they can't make him wear this getup. Lucky him...

HUMIDIBOT: Righty-o. We'll be going.

''{Cut to Frank Benedetto. He has discovered the Room of Stench}''

FRANK BENNEDETTO: {covering his juicer slot} Gas attack! Everyone down! Remember boot camp!

{He drops to the ground and crawls under the stench}

FRANK BENNEDETTO: {coughing} They mixed in frilly perfume! That's somehow worse than if it was just terrible stench alone!

{He rolls under some furniture, then bites the cap off a detergent fogger like a grenade and throws it}

FRANK BENNEDETTO: Fire in the hole!

''{The fogger goes off. Frank runs through the detergent cloud and to the next room}''

{In another room, Cardboard Marzipan encounters the dreaded two star bed and breakfast, decked out in extremely cheap romantic decor}

CARDBOARD MARZIPAN: {in Homestar's voice} Ooh. The couples suite.

{Homestar sets the cardboard Marzipan down and jumps into bed with her}

HOMESTAR: Hey Marzy, how bout a scandalous hotel tryst that ends in the smoldering ruin of both our acting careers? {doing Marzipan's voice} Aww heck yeah let's make out!

{Homestar glances back at the fourth wall}

HOMESTAR: Please, leave.

{Quickly cut to Drive-Thru Whale in the escape room}

DRIVE-THRU WHALE: Complete global lactation, ma'am.

{He observes the different parts, the timer, the skeleton in a frilly red dress, the toilet, the locked door to the next room}

DRIVE-THRU WHALE: Thanks for choosing Blubb-O's, sever your lock please.

{He suddenly jolts forward and eats the lock off the door}

DRIVE-THRU WHALE: Now with more iron for grave depressions!

{As the whale moves into a long hallway, he is joined by Humidibot and Scotty, who enter from the other end}

HUMIDIBOT: We made it! Hey! You're here!

DRIVE-THRU WHALE: Sorry, nose plugs are not edible.

HUMIDIBOT: Race ya to the end!

{The contestants rush to the next corridor, only to find themselves in a dark room}

DRIVE-THRU WHALE: All tights come pre-stretched.

HUMIDIBOT: I hear ya, buddy.

{A spotlight activates, shining down on the main attraction - Large Bean, in a tuxedo and corsage}

HUMIDIBOT: {gasps} LARGE BEAN!

''{Scotty Titi is frozen with fright... maybe}''

DRIVE-THRU WHALE: We have a cold turkey in aisle 3!

HUMIDIBOT: {shivering} He's dressed for prom... but didn't bring a date! How horrific!

DRIVE-THRU WHALE: Exit is through the dresser drawer.

HUMIDIBOT: Thanks! Let's scram right now!

''{Humidibot takes Scotty and quickly jump into the dresser drawer... which is just a drawer. They get stuck}''

DRIVE-THRU WHALE: Thank you for your Partridge Family.

''{The whale then makes a break for the actual, flashing exit. Zoom in to reveal that someone's leg is extended, about to trip him... since the whale's pole is solid metal, he plows right over the leg with ease}''

???: {yelps loudly}

''{View from outside. The back door swings open and Drive-Thru Whale makes it out}''

DRIVE-THRU WHALE: Blubb-O's is not responsible for any vehicular transformations.

LAPPIER: Hey! Congratulations, whale! Somehow, you beat a bunch of much more qualified contestants!

DRIVE-THRU WHALE: Never ice what you can rice.

LAPPIER: Sage advice. Anyway, Drive-Thru Whale gained immunity, so it's bye bye to either Humidibot, Scotty Titi, Frank Bennedetto, or Cardboard Marzipan. Vote them up, a-you all.

''{The post credits scene is at The Stick. Homestar is there with some loafs of bread, and a portion of the vacuum tube hangs above him}''

HOMESTAR: Ahem. {singing} Who says white is not a real bread... I say they're not right in the head...

F-SACK: {muffled screaming}

HOMESTAR: Excuse me. Do not interrupt the virtual-oso.