Pixel Strong Bad Emails/cheeseburgers

Pixel Strong Bad Email #2

Strong Bad tries his best to fatten up Bubs via an eating contest.

Cast (in order of appearance):, , , , , ,

Places:, ,

Computer:

Date: Wednesday, November 30, 2016

Running Time: 3:05

Transcript
STRONG BAD: {singing} I'm gonna check my email, my email, my email. I'm gonna check my email toniiight! {brings up the email}

DEAR MUSCULAR STRONG BAD, BUBS IS A FAT MAN. GIVE HIM 100 CHEESEBURGERS PLEASE! I WANNA SEE MY BLUE MAN FATTENED UP. COME ON, MAN! WITH LOVE A SUPER NICE GIRL NAMED COACH E XXX

STRONG BAD: {clears screen; typing} Whoa, whoa, whoa. Coach... super nice... girl... what?? Everything I know about the universe is falling apart right now. It's almost like that dream I had about Strong Mad becoming a Yale professor. {clears the screen} Well {thinks for a second} Edna, the only places I've seen people insane enough to do that are at those televised eating contests. The ones where you win a half-dead goldfish for eating twice your weight in {pause} lobster rolls. I still haven't figured out what those are. {clears screen} I usually avoid events like that like sick The Cheat on a Saturday. But hey, when have I ever passed up the opportunity to do something hilarious to someone who isn't me? Let's try it!

''{Wipe to Bubs' Concession Stand. Strong Bad walks up.}''

STRONG BAD: Hey there, ol' Bubs. I got a fan on the line who wants you to eat a hundred cheesebroigers.

BUBS: {Close-up on Bubs} {annoyed} Another one? How many times have I told you people? I'm on a diet! I only eat things in sets of fifty or below!

STRONG BAD: ''{Inside view of the concession stand. Strong Bad looks to the left and right.}'' Hey, Bubs. A super nice girl wants you to eat a hundred burgers.

BUBS: {Close-up on Bubs, who drops his annoyed tone and raises an arm} Anything for the fans!

''{Static cut to the set of The Show. Homestar Runner stands on the podium, with his usual microphone.}''

HOMESTAR RUNNER: And welcome back, many viewers! Now for the moment some of you might have been waiting for— it's time for the Annual Semi-Annual Food-A-Thon!! ''{Confetti appears and "FOOD-A-THON!!" appears and blinks at the bottom of the screen}''

''{Pan right to where Bubs and The King of Town are seen behind tables. Bubs's table has a banner labeled "BUBS / the returning champion from '010!" and The King of Town's has a banner labeled "the kay OH tee!"}''

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Allow me to introduct you to our luscious contestants— Bubs and The King of Town!

BUBS: {Close up on the contestants} {To The King of Town} Back in my heyday, I used to eat twenty eating contests without breakin' a sweat!

THE KING OF TOWN: Oh yeah? I ate my castle twice for breakfast this morning! And for dessert, I—

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {Interrupting} Gentlemen! You know the rules. Both have equal portions. No biting. No shoving. No wagering. Whoever finishes one hundred burglars within five minutes will be the winner! Now on your marks... get set...

{Pom Pom is shown to the left of Homestar holding his pistol.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Go!! {Pom Pom simultaneously fires the pistol into the air, blowing him away from the force.} Aaand they're off! The King takes an early lead in the first inning! {Close up on the contestants} {offscreen} Medium rare!! Reg takes the ball! It's still anyone's game!

''{Cut through white to Homestar still commentating a bit later. Pom Pom stands behind him, looking annoyed.}''

HOMESTAR RUNNER: They're at the twenty! The forty! Bubs pulls ahead by two points! He's heading for home plate!!

''{Cut back to the contestants. Bubs is holding his last burger.}''

COACH Z: Go on, Bubson! Eat that last bite, and you win! {Bubs closes his eyes and prepares to eat}

''{Suddenly, cracks appear in the floor beneath both contestants, and they fall through the floor. Pan-over shot of Pom Pom, Coach Z, and The Poopsmith.}''

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {Close-up} It's a draw!! ''{The words "IT'S A DRAW!!" appear and blink at the bottom of the screen.}''

BUBS: Are you kiddin' me? That floor cracked under my weight! Gimme the trophy!

THE KING OF TOWN: Doo! In your dreams! That, my friend, was the fall of a king!

{Cut back to Strong Bad typing}

STRONG BAD: Ohhhhh, that was great. Well, super nice girl, no one actually ended up eating a hundred burgers. But both luscious contestants walked away with a 300 dollar coupon to the Pea Palace as a consulation prize. Man, I haven't enjoyed watching an eating contest so much in a few milleniums! Thanks, Coachie! Maybe I oughta sign up next year. Next {pause} semi-year.

{The Papier comes down.}

Easter Eggs
{Spooky music plays.} BEN: Oh thank goodness. The window is back to normal. Nobody's been listening to me. OK, I'm gonna keep quiet. If I talk too loud, the amatross would have scared me! OK, what tidies it all the story of&mdash; all the cops are moving. OK, what am I going to do? If these eyes are going to so unclose the door, then there's no door lights!
 * Click on the word "dream" when Strong Bad types it to see a sketch of his dream&mdash; Strong Mad dressed in a suit and glasses with the word "Physics" in quotes beside him.