hpe/dvd3/email

DVD Bonus Email: Cus Where did they get Cus?

Running Time: 6:41

Date: January 26, 2018

Script
HP: E... plus mail... divided by the square root of variable y cubed to the power of the multiple... ah, forget it, I can't do math. Let's just say it equals email.

{After "a guy who sent this email", HP says "You don't say."}

HP: For your information, Email-Sender Dan, {quietly; not typing} I'm just... going to assume your name is Dan for now. 'Zat alright? {normal; typing} Cus is not merely a zombie dog-thing. He's a carnivorous undead sheep!

''{Cut to Cus. A short fanfare plays. A slow zoom-in begins.}''

HP: {voiceover} But just what is a Cus? Luckily, we recorded a clip of Show On Public Broadcasting Hosted By That British Guy that explains it all!

{Static cut to a carnivorous undead sheep.}

BRITISH GUY: Ah, the rare and elusive carnivorous undead sheep. Truly a wonder and a menace to society. But where, you may ask, do these carnivorous undead sheeps come from? Sheeps? Is&mdash; is that the plural of sheep? Sheeps? No? I'll use it anyway. I like sheeps. {Cut to a lab} Most carnivorous undead sheeps come from a top-secret labratory {pronounced "lab-brattery"}. Not sure how we have footage of it. {Cut to the lab's exterior} There's barbed wire and fences all around the thing. {Cut to a carnivorous undead sheep} The carnivorous undead sheeps&mdash; sorry, can I just say something shorter? Like... just plain sheeps? Here is footage of the sheeps in their natural habitory. Well, really there's only one sheep. Its name is Subject X. And it was made in this very lab. Right now, its whereabouts are unknown, but it's suspected that Subject X is living inside of a painting. {Cut to the computer room} I know, weird, right?

HP: {looks at the camera and turns to The Goblin} Uh, hey, Goblin?

GOBLIN: Yeah?

HP: Why is there a film crew in our house?

GOBLIN: Who knows? Maybe they're filming a documentary.

HP: Ah. That makes sense.

''{Pause. After a few seconds, Cus jumps at the screen and starts attacking. Cut to static for a few seconds, then to HP at the computer.}''

HP: So that's Cus's story. Apparently, his name is Subject X. Which is admittedly less catchy than Cus.

GOBLIN: You still didn't answer his question.

HP: {rereads the email} Oh. Where'd we get him? I don't know, actually. Goblin did it one day. Pretty sure it was for my birthday.

GOBLIN: Allow me to explain. One day in 2008, I was strolling through the park.

{Cut to The Goblin in a graveyard at night}

GOBLIN: {voiceover} It was less cheery than I expected. And full of large, shapéd rocks. There were hardly any kids playing on the swings or anything. Hardly anyone, in fact.

{Close-up of The Goblin peeking up from behind a bush}

GOBLIN: {voiceover} Until I found...

{Cut to The Goblin's point of view, looking out at Homestar Runner (dressed as Yahoo Serious) and Pom Pom (dressed as SCUD)}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: All right, Pom Pom. It's almost midnight. Ready with the Halloween candy?

''{Pom Pom gets out a bag of SBLOUNSKCHED! Fun Size candy bars}''

GOBLIN: {voiceover} A group of eleven&mdash; or twelve, I couldn't quite be sure&mdash; characters! All here! {cut back to The Goblin in the bush; slowly zooming in} Strangely, they look different every time I see them. One day, the wrestleman's gerbil-minion is wearing a suit and glasses. The next time I see him, he's blue and covered in zippers. Maybe it's some weird dumb animal character thing. {abruptly zooming out to the original image} Anyway! I felt this thing near my foot. It was a strange combination of bones and wool.

''{Cut back to the computer room. The Goblin is standing on a chair, and HP and Cus are sitting in front of it.}''

HP: You can feel wool with your foot? I wouldn't be able to tell the difference between, like, cotton or hair or whatever. With my foot.

GOBLIN: I have extreme foot-sense.

HP: Makes foot-sense to me.

GOBLIN: Why am I on this chair?

HP: Not sure. I kinda just blanked out during the flashback.

GOBLIN: So, everyone, that's the story of Cus. Goodnight!

HP: You haven't gotten to the Cus part yet.

GOBLIN: Oh! Right.

{Cut to the flashback again}

GOBLIN: {voiceover} A group of eleven&mdash; or twelve, I couldn't quite be sure&mdash; characters! All here!

HP: {voiceover} You said that part.

GOBLIN: {voiceover} Oh right.

''{Abrupt cut. The Goblin is at a slightly different position, and the camera is slightly zoomed out.}''

GOBLIN: {voiceover} Wool and bones. Then I heard growling. Before I knew what it&mdash;

''{A monstrous silhouette jumps out of the bush, into the night sky, and lands on the ground, bleating loudly. Dramatic music plays for a moment, then stops. Cut back to the computer room.}''

HP: Why did you stop talking?

GOBLIN: I was startled by Cus jumping out of the bushes. Aren't you watching the flashback?

HP: No, I'm just listening. I can't see into your brain.

GOBLIN: Right. Right. Well, after I'm done, you can watch this email. Then you'll see.

HP: How are your thoughts being recorded for my email show?

GOBLIN: No idea whatsoever. Cartoon logic, I guess?

CUS: {growls}

GOBLIN: All right, I'll continue with your story. Hopefully with no interruptions! {glares at HP}

HP: No, you interrupted yourself.

GOBLIN: Oh, right. So!

''{Cut back to Cus on the ground in the graveyard. The dramatic music plays again.}''

GOBLIN: {voiceover} It was some type of zombified... skeletal... dangerous... animal of some sort!

{The music stops}

HP: {voiceover} Excuse me, Cus prefers the term "revived skinless domesticated sheep-being". It's the politically correct term for undead sheep.

GOBLIN: {voiceover} Didn't I say no interruptions?

''{Cut to Homestar and Pom Pom. Pom Pom is holding Homestar and trembling. The music plays again.}''

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Augh! The Cheat's got rabies again!

{Cut back to a close-up of The Goblin in the bush, with a determined look in his eyes}

GOBLIN: {voiceover} Clearly, there was only one possibility... the wrestlem'n's gerbil-minion got rabies again. {zoom out slightly, The Goblin's eyes return to normal; the music stops} Except, he was right over there. So this was probably something different. I decided to investigate.

''{The music plays again. The sheep bleats a third time. The Goblin flies down from the night sky and lands on top of the creature, popping its head off. The music stops.}''

GOBLIN: {voiceover} And then I killed it.

{Cut to Cus in the computer room}

CUS: {jumps}

{Cut back to The Goblin standing on the creature in the flashback}

GOBLIN: {voiceover} Don't worry, Cus. There's a happy ending soon. Anyways, for some reason, this underbite whitey and his bouncy friend wanted me to spin their candy into gold. Frankly, that's just an urban myth. Goblins can only do that sort of thing when they're below the age of eight and three quarters. Don't ask me why. But let me tell you... I made plenty use of it.

{Cut to a delighted child Goblin, holding a bag of gold Halloween candy}

LI'L GOBLIN: {high-pitched, screechy voice} I'm rich, I tell you! I'll make millions!

{The screen dims}

GOBLIN: {voiceover} Whoops. Back to the flashback.

{Cut to the flashback}

GOBLIN: {voiceover} Instead, I granted them an extended dance remix of my famous dancin' tune!

''{A techno-remix of the Goblin dance music plays as The Goblin dances. Disco lights show up during the dance.}

LADY: {voiceover} Now you're just telling us what we've already seen in the cartoon.

GOBLIN: {voiceover} Shut up, lady!

{Cut to Homestar Runner and Pom Pom}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Happy Carousel of Progress, Pom Pom. {Pom Pom looks annoyed} I mean, Halloween, Pom Pom.

GOBLIN: {voiceover} And everything turned out okay!

HP: {voiceover} But you killed the sheep.

GOBLIN: {right} Oh, right.

''{Cut to The Goblin standing next to the sheep, with its head disconnected from its body. The Goblin looks back and forth nervously with his eyes.}''

GOBLIN: {voiceover} So, I killed the creature. Luckily, I had some jumper cables and pickled monkey fingers! {pulls them from hammerspace and smiles}

{Cut to Strong Bad}

STRONG BAD: Hey! Where'd the pickled monkey fingers go?

{Cut to a silhouetted shot of The King of Town in the distance, running through the graveyard over the hills}

THE KING OF TOWN: I dooon't knooow!

GOBLIN: {voiceover} He literally didn't know. {cut to The Goblin with a mischevious smile, holding the jumper cables and pickled monkey fingers}

{"Bip" cut to The Goblin standing next to the sheep, the same as earlier}

GOBLIN: {voiceover} So, I killed the creature. But then, the next week, I ran into his brother! What a coincidence, right? I decided to own him as a pet. It's been downhill ever since.

CUS: {voiceover} {growls}

{"Bip" cut}

GOBLIN: {voiceover} So, I killed the creature. Turns out, its head can reattach to its body! In a Dry Bones-sorta way. {its head attaches to its body} You know what I mean.

{"Bip" cut}

GOBLIN: So, the creature was immortal, and could never be killed. And was the ruler of the universe. All hail Cus! All hail Cus!

''{Cut back to the computer room, where The Goblin has spirals in his eyes, and is rocking back and forth. Cus has a single-button remote control near his foot.}''

HP: Cus, stop playing with the brainwash device.

GOBLIN: {shakes his head rapidly; his eyes turn back to normal} Wait, why we do have a brainwash device?

HP: I have my reasons.

''{Harp music plays. Wavy transition to a different scene in the computer room. The Goblin has spirals in his eyes.}''

HP: Goblin, can you buy me a burger? Extra cheese, fries on the side?

GOBLIN: Yes, master. {turns and walks away}

HP: When you get back, you can pay my bills!

GOBLIN: It would be an honor.

{Wavy transition back to HP on the computer}

HP: So there you have it, what's-your-name. Er... {scrolls up to the email, then scrolls back down} guy who sent this email. {quietly; not typing} I guess that's not much of an improvement over "what's-your-name". {normal; typing} The Goblin found Cus in a graveyard, killed him, and brought him back to life some way or another.

GOBLIN: {offscreen} Graveyard?

{The Paintper comes down}

Easter Eggs

 * Find the Easter egg for an Old-Timey scene.
 * {Cut to Sir Photo, talking to the camera}
 * SIR PHOTO: And that, Sir Chimneystarvelingsonworth, is how we got the diseased cow.
 * {Zoom out to a wide shot of the computer room, with Sir Photo, The Troll, and a skinny cow lying on the floor with Xs for eyes and flies around him}
 * SIR PHOTO: After all these years, we may have dinner again!
 * THE TROLL: {growls}
 * SIR PHOTO: Pardon?
 * THE TROLL: {growls louder, with more emphasis on each part}
 * SIR PHOTO: Oh, how positively frustrating it is to live with a creature that can only talk in growls.


 * Find another Easter egg for a 20X6 scene.
 * {Cut to the 20X6 computer room, where Creepy Picture is typing on the computer. The Dragon stands nearby.}
 * CREEPY PICTURE: And so I won that challenge, and was rewarded with a supreme Cusazikichu!
 * {Cusazikichu, an exaggerated, Japanese-looking Cus, appears in a puff of green smoke}
 * CUSAZIKICHU: Cusa cusa! {shines with an audible "shing" noise}


 * Find the last Easter egg for a Xeriouxly Forxe scene.
 * {Cut to the Xeriouxly Forxe computer room, where H. Painting is typing on the computer. Xoblin stands nearby.}
 * H. PAINTING: And xhen, in a blaxt of lightning, a xkeletal xheep appeared before us!
 * {The Xeriouxly Forxe "Everybody Everybody" theme plays. Cut to Cus against a dull dark blue background. A lightning bolt hits him, turning him into "C.U.S."}

Trivia

 * This is the first appearance of the Xeriouxly Forxe variation, despite them being listed on the Characters page for over 6 years prior.
 * This is also the first appearance of any variations of Cus.
 * This is the first email to show a child version of a character; in this case, The Goblin.
 * This is the first DVD-exclusive with Easter eggs.
 * This is the second DVD-exclusive in a row to include The Goblin's extended dance remix.

Inside References

 * This email is based on the events of Most in the Graveyard.
 * Strong Sad mentions "Show On Public Broadcasting Hosted By That British Guy" in morning routine.
 * The Goblin mentions shapèd rocks.
 * The Goblin not being able to tell if there were eleven or twelve characters is a reference to how Homsar is usually only visible in Easter eggs.
 * The Goblin refers to Strong Bad as a wrestleman, and later a wrestlem'n.
 * The Goblin mentions The Cheat's Penfold costume from Jibblies 2 (2007), and his Drywall costume from Most in the Graveyard (2008).
 * The Goblin saying the characters change every year references him mostly seeing them on Halloween, when they wear a different costume every year.
 * He dismisses it as a dumb animal character thing.
 * The Goblin calls Homestar a whitey.
 * The Goblin says "Shut up, lady".
 * The brainwash device is a single-button remote control.
 * The Xeriouxly Forxe Easter egg calls back to the events of the toon of the same name.

Real-World References

 * The Show on Public Broadcasting Hosted By That British Guy is a parody of Planet Earth, Life, and other documentary series narrated by David Attenborough.
 * The Goblin refers to Dry Bones, a Mario enemy that can reattach its head to its body after being killed.