Homestar Runner Strategy Guide/Transcript/Act I

Opening Sequence
{''A phone rings. Underneath it, it says "A joint project between Videlectrix and the Homestar Runner Fanstuff Wiki." The camera pans out to Homestar's curtains. It says "A quest of epic proportions". The camera pans to Homestar, answering the phone.''}

HOMESTAR: Hello? What?

{''Homestar opens his window to show a shadow, a shadow of Homeschool Winner. Written in the shadow is "Homestar Runner RPG: The Homeschool Winner RPG".''}

{''The logo disappears, and the camera flies to an airship floating in the sky. There, Homeschool is sitting there with two Shadow Soilders and several ladies, including Modestly Hot Homsar.''}

HOMESCHOOL: Ah! Now, all of my crimes will be blamed on Homestar and my "imposter" by the police of Free Country! And now I have something to make fun of... Ha! Look at that calliagrahy! (Holds up a piece of Strong Sad's calliagraphy}

SHADOW SOILDER: Sir, the three guardian mechs are finished.

HOMESCHOOL: Now, there is no way for anyone to defeat me! I now rule over 20X6, 1936, 1326, The Cheat Commandos, and all the other worlds! All I have to do is conquer the current era, and... I can live with my Katies that I stole from Strong Bad forever!! BWA HA HA!! Oh, and I'll rule everything, too.

PLASMA COLONEL: It's a disaster, milord! Someone has sabotaged the ship and dropped the Star Ship! Now, we'll never be able to travel between eras!

{''Cut to Bubs' Concession Stand. A star-shaped ship is smoking and lodged in the top of Bubs' stand.''}

BUBS: Hot time!

{Cut back to the ship.}

HOMESCHOOL: What!? Who was it!?

{''Rouge Redd appears on the window of the ship. He is humanoid, holding a large axe.''}

PLASMA COLONEL: There's no time! Brace yourselves! The ship is going to crash!!

{''Cut to outside the ship. The ship is smoking and crash-lands in a forest behind the KOT's Castle.'''}

Know Your Enemy
{Camera shot inside Homestar's bedroom.}

HOMESTAR: Weird. Haven't had that of an experience before. Ah, well, the Fluffy Puffity Marshalade will come in the mail soon eno-

''{We suddenly see the bedroom door flying outwards. Five Unguraits come in.}''

HOMESTAR: Oh crap! {close up of his face} BRING IT ON!

''{Battle commence. The Ungraits poison him and give him low stats. With his low stats, Homestar obviously loses. We see Homestar lying on the floor, out of breath and tired.}''

HOMESTAR: Can't...breathe...must...live! {passes out}

{Everything except Homestar turns black.}

MYSTERIOUS VOICE: {sounds suspiciously like Homeschool} Homestar, you can't give up now!

''{A light shines on Homestar and he glows. The background slowly reappears, but the Unguraits are gone.}''

HOMESTAR: Ah wight, you little piwates! I'm gonna...Oh, wight. They left. {Homestar stands aroung for a little bit, then...} I'm gonna go get some Fluffy Puffs. {Homestar looks through the broken door} Oh cwap!

{Enemies are swaming into his house.}

UNGURAIT: There he is! Get him!

''{6 Unguraits jump at Homestar. Battle begins. Afterward, the player has control of Homestar. A short tutorial teaches some basics about the game. After Homestar leaves his house...}''

BUBS: Hey Homestar! There a weirdo on my roof!

HOMESTAR: What?

BUBS: I said there a weirdo on my roof!

HOMESTAR: ...Okay, that's weirder than that jorb thing.

BUBS: Oh! I found this!

{Bubs give Homestar the Star Rang.}

HOMESTAR: Cool.

''{"Mission Complete!" flashes across the screen.}''

BUBS: Oh no! It's mission complete!

Preparations
{Homestar and Bubs are standing at the Concession Stand.}

BUBS: Homestar, go tell Strong Bad that he needs to pay his debt!

HOMESTAR: Yes sir!

{At Strong Bad's house...}

HOMESTAR: Stwong Bad! Bubs wants you! ...Stwong Bad? {He looks in the house.} Oh cwap! ''{A pink scorpion jumps at Homestar. Battle begins. Homestar is once again controlled by the player. At the Email room, Strong Bad is checking an Email.}'' Stwong Bad! Bubs wants you.

STRONG BAD: Cram it, loser! And it's strong, not stwong.

HOMESTAR: Oh, fine. I guess I'll just have to tell Bubs that you couldn't come. As for Homeschool, I'll have to call together the Homestarm-

STRONG BAD: What? Homeschool Winner? I thought we ditched that loser like, 6 years ago! Fine, I'll go. But first, I'm hungry. Homestar, go get a melon. There's a patch out by Marzipan's house.

''{Homestar walks away. At Marzipan's house, Homestar steals a melon.}''

HOMESTAR: Scowe!

{Homestar walks away, and arrives at the Stick, where Strong Bad is waiting for him.}

STRONG BAD: Thanks, man. I'll go to Bubs Consession Stand. {Strong Bad walks to Bubs Concession Stand.} 3, 2, 1, go! {Water floods the Concession Stand.}

BUBS: Oh, man!

STRONG BAD: Homestar, if you're going to take on Homeschool, you'll need help. The Cheat and I will come along. ...Where is The Cheat? Guys, go find The Cheat!

{Homestar is at the KoT's grill.}

HOMESTAR: The Cheat! The Cheeeeat! The Cheat? ''{Homestar opens the grill. The Cheat is sleeping inside.}'' There you are! ''{The Cheat wakes up and walks away. Homestar picks up the BMW lighter laying in the grill}'' Wow. Strong Bad's fire stick. He'll want this back.

''{Strong Bad, The Cheat, and Homestar walk toward Strong Bad's house. Strong Bad and The Cheat walk inside. Suddenly, They start running out of the house, screaming.}''

STRONG BAD: Waaah! Not the Lappy! Why, Lappy!? WHYYYYYYY!?

THE CHEAT: Meh!

HOMESTAR: What's happening? ''{Homestar walks inside. Inside, the Lappy is floating and glowing. Slowly it turns black, and quickly gets HUGE virtual bat wings and two red eyes}'' Oh cwap! {Homestar and Strong Bad fight the Vampire Lappy and win.}

STRONG BAD: Oh, man. Now I have to buy another computer. {Strong Mad and The Cheat enter.} Oh, there you are. Listen, Homestar. If I'm coming, The Cheat gets to go too.

HOMESTAR: Okay.

STRONG BAD: Strong Mad, you watch Strong Sa-

STRONG MAD: I DON'T LIKE STRONG SAD! HE'S CREEPY! I WANNA GO WITH THE CHEAT!

STRONG BAD: Oh, fine. But there's still one problem. How we gonna get around?

HOMESTAR: Well, there was that weird ship by Bubs.

''{Homestar and co. walk away. They arrive at the Concession Stand.}''

HOMESTAR: Here are your pencil shavings, Bubs!

BUBS: Oh, fine! You beat me this time, but-

HOMESTAR: Thanks, Bubs! ''{Homestar and co. walk to the Star Ship. It blasts off, and Mission Complete! flashes across the screen. The words get burnt by the flame coming out of the back of the Star Ship.}''

STRONG BAD: Uh oh. Homestar, we got a problem.

Proto Man Script
{Homestar jumps on to the consession stand and sees Proto Man}

HOMESTAR: Awe you this weirdo?

PROTO MAN: ...

HOMESTAR: Hello?

PROTO MAN: ...

HOMESTAR: Awnser alweady!

PROTO MAN: ...

HOMESTAR: Weirdo.

PROTO MAN: Hey, my name's Proto Man, and I've got some secret info for you.

HOMESTAR: Fow me?

PROTO MAN: I spied on Homeschool, and he mentioned a evil computer. Oh and here's these boots. {gives Homestar the Proto Boots}

HOMESTAR: Scowe!

PROTO MAN: Farewell, and may our paths cross again... {teleports out}

HOMESTAR: What a cweep.

Bird Concert
''{Marzipan is sitting on her couch. Suddenly, we hear a knock on the door. Marzipan walks to the door and opens it. Homestar is standing outside.}''

MARZIPAN: Homestar, I was looking for you! Can you take my new guitar and play for the birds? I'm to busy right now.

HOMESTAR: But Marzipan, I need to te-

MARZIPAN: No buts! Now go do the concert right now!

HOMESTAR: Oh, fine. ''{We now see a close up of Homestar's head. We hear him thinking.}'' Well, I gotta do a concewt, but what song should I do. I know!

''{Cut to the field. Homestar is trying to play the guitar and sing, but he sounds horrible. Birds are crowding around him.}''

HOMESTAR: And bwead is a good time fow me! Oh, this is so bowing. Hey biwds! Cover for me!

''{Homestar walks away. He is then controlled by the player.}''

HOMESTAR: I'm bowed. Hey! I'll go visit Pom Pom! He might be at Marshmellow's Last Stand, because that's a favowite hangout of ours.

''{Homestar heads over to Marshmellow's Last Stand and enters the door. He meets Pom Pom by the counter.}''

HOMESTAR: Hey Pom Pom! How's it going!

POM POM: {bubbling noises} (Just fine, Homestar. There's something wierd I saw. Strong Sad was over at The Stick, even though he's been missing for a while now!)

HOMESTAR: That's stwange. Let's check it out.

''{Homestar and co. go over to The Stick. There they see what seems to be Strong Sad.}''

HOMESTAR: Hey Strong Sad!

"STRONG SAD": ...

HOMESTAR: Hey Strong Sad!

"STRONG SAD": ...

STRONG BAD: Let me try. Hey Dumpus! Talk to us or I'll both draw on you, give you a second belly button, AND lock you in the bathtub!

"STRONG SAD": ........!

''{"Strong Sad" turns around and suddenly gains horns and a tail! "Strong Sad" is actually a Devil Strong Sad!}''

STRONG BAD: Holy Crap! I thought I only made that up! Homeschool must have hacked into my mind and took that information!

''{Homestar and co. fight the Devil Strong Sad and win. He explodes in a blast of red, black, white, and gray.}''

HOMESTAR: Awwight!

POM POM: {bubbling noises} (Actually, the horns and tail we saw on that Strong Sad were absent on the one i saw. Not to mention he was headed for the King Of Town's castle for some reason.)

STRONG BAD: Holy Crap! Strong Sad is in great...-ve... danger! Pom Pom, your bounceness might help save Strong Sad!

POM POM: {bubbling noises} (Okay.)

{Homestar and co. head to the KOT's dungeons, where they see Strong Sad in a prison cell that's being guarded by a duck that looks exactly like Fhqwhgads.

STRONG SAD: Somebody get this freakin' duck away from me!