Stinkoman Email/6

Stinkoman Email #6: Prank

Summary: Stinkoman attempts to prank call Marzia, however his attempts are one of many calls on her answering machine.

Cast (in order of appearance): Stinkoman, Stinkoman's Computer Assistant, 1-Up, Cheatball, Marzia, Emperor Multiverse (20X6 King of Town), Coach Z, Pan Pan, Zero (20X6 Homsar), Marzipan

Places: Stinkoman Headquarters, Marzia's House

Date: June 17, 2020

Stinkoman Email #6: Prank
{Stinkoman sings his usual email intro jingle as he accesses his email client.}

STINKOMAN: And email is a good time for me, woo-doo-doo-loot-doo, singing, email is a good time for everybody!

Dear StinkoMan

Could you do a prank call? I would love

to hear an awesome prank call, just as

long as it isn't one o' them dumb "Is

your refrigerator running" types

- Tiana

{Stinkoman leaves an evident pause between "stinko" and "man" as if they are two separate words due to the way they're capitalized.}

STINKOMAN: {typing} Tiana, you've come to the right place. Prank calls are usually pretty generic like the kind of stuff you just mentioned. You won't be hearing any "running refrigerator" or "false pizza deliveries" or "Prince Albert in a can" coming from me. That's amateur hour!

{Stinkoman proceeds to clear the screen and resume typing.}

STINKOMAN: {typing} It just so happens that I was in the midst of conjuring up material for my next prank-worthy endeavor. Why don't you join me as I conduct my next telephonic stroke of genius?

{Screen transition to Stinkoman snickering to himself, as he holds a phone up to his face.}

STINKOMAN: Alright, ssh. Here we go. It's ringing, it's ringing.

''{The phone stops ringing suddenly, and a Discord disconnect noise follows. The computer voice from a few episodes ago interjects.}''

STINKOMAN: What in the name of Tezuka?

COMPUTER VOICE: Your number has been blocked by Marzia as you've repeatedly been making pranks to her number. Pranks she described as "amateur hour".

STINKOMAN: HOO-WAH? Well, she's not getting away from my prankitude that easily! 1-Up, let me borrow your phone.

{1-Up walks on-screen from the right.}

1-UP: What? How'd you know that I was slightly off-screen?

STINKOMAN: Because you're literally always slightly off-screen... and also because this usually the part of the email where you interrupt to offer some nonsensical, non-interesting, non-funny non-sequiters.

1-UP: You... you think I'm not funny?

STINKOMAN: Yes. You're treating this like a shocking reveal when I tell you that everyday.

1-UP: I am shocked and also offended!

STINKOMAN: Good. Maybe it'll get through to you to come up with some new material. Now hand me your phone.

1-UP: Forget it! I'm not participating in this "amateur hour" crap!

STINKOMAN: You too, 1-Up?

''{1-Up starts walking off-screen. Stinkoman attempts to get to him to come back.}''

STINKOMAN: Wait. I'm sorry. 1-Up, come on! I didn't mean it like that!

''{This doesn't work. Stinkoman sighs, and looks up at the top of the screen, as if talking to his computer system.}''

STINKOMAN: Computer.

COMPUTER VOICE: Have you ever thought about giving me a name?

STINKOMAN: No. Too much work. Computer, activate Cheatball.

''{The lights dim. Smoke slowly fills the room. Suddenly the background becomes a rainbow void and a ball-like shape starts to materialize in a blinding white light. Music plays in the background, indicating that this is an intense and dramatic moment. Finishing on the appearance of a fully formed Cheatball!}''

CHEATBALL: Cheatball!

STINKOMAN: The Cheatball. Give me your phone.

CHEATBALL: ...

STINKOMAN: ...

{Cheatball grumbles and makes some angry Cheat-esque noises, before wriggling a bit and then producing a small smartphone out from his fur, throwing it over to Stinkoman and rolling off with rage in his eyes.}

STINKOMAN: Thanks, The Cheatball. Always there for me when I need saving from dangerous situations!

''{Stinkoman opens the phone, though he has a bit of difficulty having ball-like hands (though it's debatable whether or not they even count as hands). He slips and slides his "hands" all over the screen until he manages to access "Contacts" and then "Marzia-chan". Once Stinkoman puts the phone up to his head, it cuts to Marzia's answering machine. Marzia's greeting message plays.}''

Marzia's Greeting
MARZIA: Hi, this is Marzia. Probably out saving the world or something along those lines. Ahaha, just kidding. I don't have a double identity as a superhero or anything. Wait, no scratch that. How do I record a new greet—

Message 1: Stinkoman
STINKOMAN: Hey, Marzia. It's Stinkoma— Uh, I mean, this is your... {puts on a deeper voice} ...evil galactic emperor father, Emperor Multiverse, the big-strong big bad guy who likes to consume galaxies and... I don't know why I described that as if you wouldn't already know my whole deal. Um, uh, so anyway, how have you been doing lately? The multiverse out there has gotten kind of... lonely without you. Oh, I remember the real reason I wanted to call! You should stop seeing that loser, 1-Up... and date a strong fighter-type, a true warrior, like... like Stinkoman. Yeah. That's who you should really be seeing. I mean, I don't know if you and 1-Up are, uh, like... a thing or anything, but— Look! I got to go! The universe won't conquer itself. {Beep.}

Message 2: 1-Up
1-UP: Hey, Marzia. It's 1-Up. 1-Up Extraman Alfredo Clever Runner. Yeah! Remember when I said "clever" was literally my middle name? I wasn't joking about that. That was actually a thing. Not sure where the "Runner" part of my name comes from. I think my dad's dad or my dad's mom's dad's uncle's brother's former roommate? Anyway, I just wanted to ask... are we dating? Like, we've been regularly playing video games and seeing movies and you told me the other day that you were a girl and it's my understand that... boys and girls, date? I don't know... I miss Marshall. Is he coming back anytime soon? {Beep.}

Message 3: Emperor Multiverse
EMPEROR MULTIVERSE: {deep, menacing voice} MARZIA! You foolish half-mortal! Do you think you can play this petty little game forever? It is I! Your evil galactic emperor father, Emperor Multiverse. A big-strong big bad guy who likes to consume galaxies! That's what it says on my business cards, anyway! I'm just calling through your inferior Earth technology to communicate one final message! Come home. Cease your rebellion! Oh, and one last thing! You should stop seeing that loser, 1-Up... and date a strong fighter-type like Stinkoman! Anyway, I'm off to go eat another galaxy. Emperor Multiverse, out! {Beep.}

Message 4: Coach Z
COACH Z: Um, hellor? I think I may have the wrang nuhmber over here. I was looking for Marzipan's there answerin' machine, but perhaps YOU could help me! You seem like super-heroin' type and I sure could use a hero now. I'm holding out for a hero until the end of the nou'ight. You see, I'm in a LOT of trourble for somethin' I didn't do... and I what I didn't do... is my taxes. It's a long story with me taking out a huge loan to fund my Soundcloud rappin'. Let's just say that didn't go nowhere. Um, so yeah, if you could break me out or... be my legal representation? That would be great. Alright, uh, please get in touch! This has been Coach Z, uh, finishin' up his one phone call. Later, Marzipan! {Beep.}

Message 5: Pan Pan
PAN PAN: ''{Just a long series of the noise that Pan Pan makes for an extended period of time. Probably a minute, maybe two minutes. Heck, I don't know. It's all text so use your imagination. Beep.}''

Message 6: Marzia
MARZIA: Hey, Marzia. This is Marzia. This is just a reminder to yourself that you need to create a new answering machine greeting. I mean, you... or rather, I, tried to create a new one, but it doesn't seem to of worked. Oh, and also recharge the wand when you get a chance. I get the feeling that this is the calm before the storm. {Beep.}

Message 7: Zero
ZERO: Heeeeeeeeeeey, Marzia! Your resident gravy train captain, just callin' to remind you that you're a pork rind's president! Never forget that we're all just slipping deeper and deeper into the void of Uncle Ben's chicken rice. Each day we die a little more... is the name of my new let's play channel. I think it might be a little bit derivative though. Pshoooooo! I think this is the best time to start listing off some of the most annoying words in the English language: epic, minion, pregger, irony, moist, bae, slay, 'aye, fleek, weak, sick, floss, cross, MS-DOS and yolo. {Beep.}

Message 8: Marzipan
MARZIPAN: I bet you thought you could get away with it, didn't you? Thinking you can just take my thing under the guise of "fair use"? Well, I got something to tell you, sister. You'll be hearing from my lawyer team. "Marzia's Answering Machine"? Get something original! You don't see me going off and making something like "Marzipan's Teen Boy Squad" or "Marzipan Email" or "Powered by the Marzipan". Cease and desist, immediately, or else! And another thing, you should really be dating Stinkoman instead of that boring loser, 1-Up.

''{It cuts suddenly to Stinkoman holding up a small device with his other "hand" in-between himself and the phone labeled "The Official Unofficial Homestar Runner Voice Changer-er". 1-Up is standing in the frame.}''

1-UP: HEY!

STINKOMAN: {with Marzipan's voice} Oh, 1-Up. How long have you—

{He clears his throat and move the voice changer out of view.}

STINKOMAN: How long have you been standing there?

1-UP: Oh, I just got back half-way through that last message. Hey, can I try the voice changer!

STINKOMAN: Aren't you still mad at me?

1-UP: Um, I forgot. I was mad... and then I wasn't. I guess I just can't stay mad at you. You're my best friend, after-all.

STINKOMAN: What happened to you and Marshall?

1-UP: Oh, that. I don't want to talk about it. Let's just say, I'll never doubt you again.

STINKOMAN: Glad you learned your lesson. Although, I don't really know what specifically you're referring to. I'm seldom wrong though! Remember that!

1-UP: Yup!

{Cut back to Stinkoman typing away at his holographic computer screen.}

STINKOMAN: Well, there's another email in the bag. I made a prank call, we established some more lore for the show and we even managed to fit in some fan-service. Every turned out hwaaaaahh-ll-'right.

{He finishes typing and the email ends.}

Fun Facts

 * The email intro this time around is from origins being a slightly altered version of Homestar Runner's famous bread-related sing-a-longs.
 * This email is based on the section of the Homestar Runner website Marzipan's Answering Machine. It stands to reason that if there's a 20X6 vesion of Strong Bad's email show, that a 20X6 version of Marzipan's Answering Machine would also exist in some form or another.
 * This email introduces the voice of a character that was only briefly alluded to in the previous episode, Emperor Multiverse, who is the 20X6 version of The King of Town that consumes galaxies for breakfast, lunch and dinner.
 * This is potentially also a reference to the Marvel Comics character, Galactus.
 * This email features a re-appearance of the 20X6 version of Homsar, Zero.
 * This email features the first appearance of Cheatball.