Inanimate Objects in Decidedly Non-Inanimate Situations/Episode 1b



Plot: A pickup game of 5-on-5 hoops! Full court, street style!

Transcript
LAPPIER: Hey everyone, we are back.

DOREAUXGARD: Bout time.

LAPPIER: Last episode, you formed into two teams. Welcome to Blubb-O's and the Onion Bubses! This time, you're finally gonna clash in the first challenge!

THE PAPER: {printing out} > which issss?

LAPPIER: A pickup game of 5-on-5 hoops! Full court, street style!

F-SACK: That sounds like it would unjustly favor contestants with... limbs.

ONION BUBS: Most of us have learned to hold things using the Homestar technique.

F-SACK: I missed those lessons!

LAPPIER: Yeah, who cares. Let's hoop it up!

{He picks the ball off the ground and tosses it to Tony Stony}

LAPPIER: I'll be over here.

{He stands off to the side of the court}

TONY STONY: Check!

{He bounces the ball across to Doreauxgard, who catches it invisibly)

DOREAUXGARD: Check one!

{He bounce it back}

TONY STONY: Get it on!

(He dribbles and charges past Doreauxgard}

FRANK BENNEDETTO: Freeze, maggot!

{He makes the steal and heads to the other side of the court}

FRANK BENNEDETTO: I was in the Homestarmy All-Starmy Team!

''{He takes it to the hoop and shoots. The Paper prints out to block the ball}''

THE PAPER: > Manute Bol <

ONION BUBS: Oooh! Get that weak mess outta here!

{He takes the ball, hopping all around the court, only to be defended by Drive-Thru Whale}

DRIVE-THRU WHALE: Get ye behind me, Satan!

{Onion Bubs looks to his side and sees Scotty}

ONION BUBS: Scotty, take the rock!

''{He passes to Scotty. But Scotty is imaginary, and the ball passes right through him}''

ONION BUBS: What's with the choke?!

{Doreauxgard recovers the ball and tosses in an easy lay-up for two points}

DOREAUXGARD: You guys was wide open!

THE PAPER: > Yeah, yeah

{Tony Stony takes the ball, then throws it in to Humidibot}

HUMIDIBOT: Oh yeah! I could go all the way cuz I'm Humidibot!

{He dribbles and weaves in between the opposing team}

HUMIDIBOT: Aren't we having fun, guys?!

{But as soon as he wasn't paying attention, Trivia Time steals the ball}

HUMIDIBOT: Huh??

ONION BUBS: No fair! You can't have a dog on your team!

F-SACK: Ain't no rule says a dog can't play basketball. A....dog-shaped...cookie jar.

TRIVIA TIME: Bark bark!

HUMIDIBOT: Where's our defense!

''{As it turns out, Scotty Titi is on defense. But since he is imaginary, he just stares at Trivia Time}''

TRIVIA TIME: Arf?

{Since Scotty doesn't react, Trivia Time just shoots and scores another two}

HUMIDIBOT: This doesn't seem right.

TONY STONY: We only have three members that can actually shoot!

{He takes the ball and throws it back in to Onion Bubs}

ONION BUBS: Now you're witnessing a million dollar baller!

{He shows off some dribbling tricks, causing the stock sound effect crowd to cheer}

ONION BUBS: Onion Bubs had the ball at the top of the key...

HUMIDIBOT: I, Humidibot, am open!

ONION BUBS: Oh right.

{He fakes out the defenders, and passes to Humidibot}

HUMIDIBOT: Hey, check this out!

{He bounces the ball on top of his lid, and launches it up}

DRIVE-THRU WHALE: 50% off our List of fictional Kenyans!

''{His metal whale flume shoots up. The ball ricochets off it... into his own team's basket}''

FRANK BENNEDETTO: Oh no! Own goal?!

F-SACK: And it was behind the three point line too!

DRIVE-THRU WHALE: Blame the dogs of havoc.

LAPPIER: {whistles} Two minutes! Blubb-O's is up four to three.

{The gang hears some footsteps approaching}

LAPPIER: We got some spectators. Say hello.

{Col-o-nel Homestar and Mrs. Bennedetto come to watch the end of the game}

HOMESTAR: I'm proud of you, soldier! You show those inani-mo's what a real warrior can do!

MRS. BENNEDETTO: {microwave noises}

FRANK BENNEDETTO: {salutes} I won't fail you!

LAPPIER: Okay, game on.

{He throws in to Humidibot}

HUMIDIBOT: Checkies!

{bounce to Frank Bennedetto}

FRANK BENNEDETTO: Check!

{bounce back}

HUMIDIBOT: Okay, let's have a good time!

{He passes to Tony Stony}

TONY STONY: I just need a clear shot...

{The only one defending Tony was F-Sack}

TONY STONY: Easy in!

{He shoots, but a big ol' stop sign pops from F-Sack and blocks the ball}

DOREAUXGARD: Recover it!

F-SACK: Hold your horses!

''{He tries to bring out another tool, but the ball gets away from him. Humidibot gets it}''

HUMIDIBOT: Hey, who's up?

{But Scotty Titi was the only open man}

HUMIDIBOT: Mm... bad idea! Gotta do it myself!

{He turns around and there are a ton of defenders on him already}

HUMIDIBOT: Um uh... here goes nothing!

''{He shoots high above the defenders and the shot goes wild and... misses by a mile}''

{The Lappier whistles hard}

LAPPIER: That's ball game!

HOMESTAR: Bennedetto! Way to defend this house!

FRANK BENNEDETTO: {salutes} Was my duty.

ONION BUBS: This crap ain't funny!

LAPPIER: And Welcome to Blubb-O's won. Which means one of the Onion Bubses is getting SOMETHING'D!! It's time for you viewers out there to decide. Here are the people on the Onion Bubses team. Humidibot, The Paper, Tony Stony, Onion Bubs, Scotty Titi.

{The contestants' pictures appear as the Lappier lists them}

LAPPIER: Who will leave first on IODNIS? I don't know. But it's up to you guys to decide. Post who you want to eliminate on the Viewer Voting page, and the one with the most votes will be out of the game.