Gfd's Random Stuff/sbemail230+

Strong Bad Email #230+

In this PAY PLUS!-exclusive email, Strong Bad considers what he would do if he "hed" magic powers.

Cast (in order of appearance): Strong Bad, The Cheat, Strong Sad, Bubs, Senor Cardgage, Homestar Runner, Sterrance, Frank Bennedetto

Places: Computer Room, Smoky Office, The Field, Bubs' Concession Stand, Tokyo, Basement of The Brothers Strong

Computer: Lappy 486

Date: Friday, May 20, 2005

Running Time: 4:23

Page Title: Lappy 486

Transcript
STRONG BAD: {singing} Email is what happens when you don't brush your teeth.

subject: magics? Dear sb if you hed magic powers, what would you use them for?

Form some guy named bob in some place named earth

{Strong Bad reads "sb" as "sib", and reads "hed" and "form" as spelled}

STRONG BAD: {typing} "Head magic powers"? What kinda powers would that be exactly? You mean like, switching peoples' heads? Removing heads? Just anything related to heads? Huh. That doesn't sound half bad now that I think about it. {clears the screen} As for your question... I'd probably use my head magic powers on Strong Sad. That guy's head is way too dumpy to stay on his dumpier body.

''{Cut to the Smoky Office. Classical music plays. Strong Bad sits on Le Restige with the Lappy 486. The Cheat walks up and serves him Strong Sad's head on a platter.}''

STRONG BAD: Ah, thank you for your service, Mr. The Cheat. And may I have a side of Bubs with that?

{The Cheat pulls Bubs's head on a platter from hammerspace}

THE CHEAT: {triumphant The Cheat noises}

STRONG BAD: Whoa! You've really come prepared! I'm almost afraid to ask how many people you've&mdash;

THE CHEAT: {impatient The Cheat noises}

STRONG BAD: Oh right. Your tip. Uhh, here you go.

{Strong Bad raises his arm and The Cheat's head "poofs" into a dollar bill}

THE CHEAT: {panicked The Cheat noises}

STRONG BAD: What's wrong, man? You love dollar bills! And now you... have one attached to your neck! It's what any sane person would wish for!

{Cut to Strong Bad at the Lappy}

STRONG BAD: {typing} Oh ho ho. What fun. Of course, you can't abuse your head magic. After all, head magic is 10% responsibility... and, uh... 20% moderation... 40%, uh, discipline... what else? And 94% just plain coolness. That&mdash; that doesn't add up, does it? I dunno, math was never really my strong suit.

{Cut to The Field, where Senor Cardgage is showing a pie chart to Homestar, dressed in his sleepwear and holding a mug of coffee}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {sleepily} So explain this chart to me again.

SENOR CARDGAGE: The spliced half is propertinantely equivalent to the charred broils, Betrilda.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Oh oh ohhhh. Now it all makes a-sense.

{Strong Bad peeks in from the left side, and Homestar's head poofs into a pie}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Great deals! I've become a sweet delight!

SENOR CARDGAGE: I'ms dam't to recommend ingenuitizing your own sauce, Trudith. You might could splice your facial arteries.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {running off} Sugarface has returned once again!

{Cut back to Strong Bad at the Lappy}

STRONG BAD: {typing} Anyway, let's see... who else could I use my head magic on? Hey, Bubs's head is pretty boring. I'd like to use them on him.

''{Cut to Bubs' Concession Stand, without Bubs. Strong Bad walks up to it.}''

STRONG BAD: Hey, Bubs... Bubs? Aw paunchsicles, there's no one here. What am I supposed to do with these head magics?

''{The concession stand poofs into Bubs's head. The text on the stand has been replaced with Bubs-like eyes, and teeth resembling Bubs' teeth hang above the stand's window.}''

CONCESSION STAND: {roars}

STRONG BAD: WAH! That's not what I meant to do! {runs away}

{Cut back to Strong Bad at the Lappy}

STRONG BAD: {typing} You know what, Bobsm'n? Maybe head magic isn't the best after all. Regular magic, on the other hand, is all the best after all! Just think of the plausibaulities!

''{Cut to a wide shot. The Cheat is standing next to the stool.}''

STRONG BAD: I could bring back all my favorite technologies...

{The Lappy turns into the Tandy 400}

STRONG BAD: Get rid of that squeaky ol' The Cheat... maybe replace him with one of those Sterrances everyone's been talking about lately...

{The Cheat squeals as he turns into Sterrance; Strong Bad turns toward him and stops typing}

STRONG BAD: Y'know what? Maybe I'd use my head magic on him too. His mask just makes him look... too menacing.

{The mask poofs off Sterrance's face}

STRONG BAD: Aww. That's just perfect. {turns back to the Tandy; cut to a close-up as he starts typing} Hmm. What else? I could grow 500 feet tall and destroy Tokyo, like in the movies!

{Cut to Strong Bad in the middle of a city}

STRONG BAD: Man, man. This city's in desperate need of a little chaos and carnage. {starts growing}

''{Cut to a wide shot of the buildings in live action. Strong Bad grows taller than them, and starts stomping around}''

STRONG BAD: Sorry, financial institution! See ya, apartment building! Goodbye, laundromat! Bwa ha ha!

{Cut back to Strong Bad at the Lappy}

STRONG BAD: {typing} Oh yeah, that would be fun. I'd also definitely use my magic for more mundane things, like gettin' the Homestarmy outta my basement. They've been camping out for weeks and refuse to leave.

{Cut to a close-up of Colonel Homestar in the basement}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {speaking into walkie-talkie} Private Mad! Report to home base, soldier!

{Cut to Strong Mad on the couch next to Frank Bennedetto}

STRONG MAD: I'M RIGHT NEXT TO YOU!!

{Zoom out, revealing Homestar and Strong Mad are several feet away from each other}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Oh, wise guy, eh? The general will not be pleased with your backsassitude!

{Cut back to Strong Bad at the Lappy}

STRONG BAD: {typing} Unfortunately, I don't have magic, so I'll have to consider other means.

''{Cut back to the basement. Strong Bad walks in.}''

STRONG BAD: Hey, Homestar! I've got something to show you!

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Ooh! I love showing me things!

STRONG BAD: Yeah, it's right upstairs! Come on!

''{Strong Bad and Homestar walk out of the basement. Cut back to the computer room, where The Cheat is waiting and holding a remote control. There is a brown trapdoor next to the stool. Strong Bad and Homestar walk in and Strong Bad sits on the stool.}''

STRONG BAD: Okay, Homestar, I'm gonna need you to stand right here on this inconspicuous brown square.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: You got it! {steps on trapdoor}

STRONG BAD: All right, The Cheat, let 'er rip!

''{The Cheat presses the button on the remote. The trapdoor opens under Homestar's feet. He falls about two feet and stops.}''

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Woo! That was fun!

STRONG BAD: The Cheat, I thought we were opting for the bottomless pit.

{Homestar starts a little dance with his feet}

STRONG BAD: Not a two-foot pit!

THE CHEAT: {angry The Cheat noises}

{Cut to the basement, where Strong Mad sits on the couch with Homestar's feet dancing on top of him}

STRONG MAD: I HAVE A FUNNY HAT!

{The Paper comes down}

Easter Eggs

 * At the end, click on Strong Mad's "M" to see a scene in the Field.
 * {Cut to everyone standing in The Field at night, similar to the ending of Halloween toons. From top to bottom, left to right: The Cheat with a dollar bill for a head, a platter with Strong Sad's and Bubs's heads on it, Homestar Runner with a pie for a head, Bubs' Concession Stand with Bubs's face, and Sterrance without his mask.}
 * HOMESTAR RUNNER: Hey, The Cheat. I really like your Garfield costume.

Trivia

 * This email is only viewable by purchasing the HomestarRunner.com PAY PLUS! package. Thumbnails and clips from the email can be seen in promotional materials.
 * If the "Pop-Up Ads" setting is turned on in your account, advertisements for Eh! Steve!'s Lawyer, Senor Cardgage Wednesdays, Mr. Shmallow's Webcam, and Interactive Menus can be seen throughout the email.
 * The viewer can pay $4.99/second to view the email in high quality.

Inside References

 * Like homsar, Strong Bad takes a poorly written email literally.
 * Strong Bad calls Strong Sad dumpy.
 * This is another instance of Strong Sad's severed head.
 * Homestar's head turns into a pie and he calls himself Sugarface.
 * Strong Bad again mentions his dislike of The Cheat and like of Sterrance, as in animal.
 * Strong Bad says "paunchsicles".
 * The Easter egg references the ending of most Halloween cartoons, including the inability to recognize Strong Bad's costume.

Real-World References

 * Strong Bad turning into a giant and destroying Tokyo "like in the movies" is a reference to Godzilla and other Japanese monster movies.
 * Homestar Runner mistakes The Cheat with a dollar bill for a head for Garfield.

Fast Forward

 * Bubs' Stand would turn into his head again in Doomy Tales of the Macabre.
 * A similar Easter egg would be shown in yes, wrestling.