Pixstar Runner/Marzipan's Answering Machine

Homestar and Bubs make a bet, Steve Techperson pedals legitimate software, Strong Sad wants out of the basement, Senor Cardgage is weird, and Coach Z is paranoid.

Cast (in order of appearance): Marzipan, Homestar Runner, Strong Bad, Strong Sad, Senor Cardgage, Bubs, Coach Z

Places: Marzipan's House, Bubs' Concession Stand (Easter egg)

Date: Friday, February 3, 2017

Running Time: ?

Marzipan's Greeting
MARZIPAN: Hello, this is Marzipan. I'm not here right now... I'm somewhere else. Please leave me a message. {beep}

Message 6
HOMESTAR RUNNER: Oh, say, Marzipan. This is Homestar. There was, um, a question I wanted to ask you... it's kinda urgent... Would you say "I could care less" or "I couldn't care less"? I mean, I'm pretty sure it's "I could care less". But, I really need to find out, because, you know. Okay, so just let me know whether it's "could" or "couldn't", and whether or not I won fifty bucks. I mean, I didn't mention that part. I mean, bye!

Message 5
STRONG BAD: Yes, hello, this call is for Miss Marzipan. This is, um, Steve Techperson... from the Legitimate Technology Corporation. I'm calling to save your computer. Uh, you may have noticed... that your computer has one to three applications running at a time. Uh, you may also have noticed... that your device has one to three little lights on... at a time. This&mdash; that is the first stages of a very deadly virus. Which will leave your computer paralyzed from the keyboard up... within one to three weeks. So, what you got to do is download our free legitimate antivirus software. And that'll get rid of your virus. All you need to do is, uh... call back and give us some basic information... like your name, your device model, your credit card number, your social security number, and um... the social security numbers of any living relatives. You got that? Just give us all that, and we'll hook you up with our legitimate software. Anyway, call back soon! The virus is eroding your computer's circuits as we speak!

Message 4
STRONG SAD: Hello? Hey Marzipan... this is Strong Sad. I just wanted to know how you were doing, and um... also, is there any chance you could stop by sometime? With a lock-pick? Or maybe, you know, an axe? I mean, um... I'm kinda locked in the basement right now. And I'd really appreciate being liberated. I mean, whenever it's convenient. Strong Bad tricked me down here a few hours ago. Told me my entire Latin library collection was down here. And, it was, but then he also deadbolted the door shut. It's not been so bad really. I've been able to catch up a lot on my reading. But if you could just swing by sometime and let me out... that'd be really super.

STRONG BAD: {distant} Strong Sad, who are you talking to down there?

STRONG SAD: Oh! I can't let Strong Bad know I have a phone down here!

Message 3
SENOR CARDGAGE: Oh, Aloe Vera. I don'ts mean to bramble you... is this cellophane brooched? Oh... I must have gaven a long turn.

Message 2
BUBS: Hey there, Marzipan! It's Bubs. Listen, I had a question I was hopin' you could answer... "I couldn't care less", or "I could care less"? It's "I couldn't care less", right? No big deal, but I've got fifty bucks riding on this with Homestar. And I really need that money! I think someone tipped off the police about my non-combustible matches! So if you could get back to me on this one, I'd thank you a million. Uh&mdash; times. A million times.

Message 1
COACH Z: Uh, hey there, Marzipan. This is the Coach Z. I was just callin', just 'cause... I don't know what anyone's told you, or what you may have heard... but uh, just remember that peoples sometimes overstate the truth. Not that anything happened, o' course, no reason... but there have been a few rumors going around, you know, like they do, and, uh, they're probably exorggeratin' it a bit. I never did anything worth rumorin' about. Okay! Just thought I'd let you's know. Have yourself a great day!

Easter Eggs

 * Click on the tape holder after the final message to see Homestar and Bubs anxiously awaiting Marzipan's answer.
 * {Homestar and Bubs are standing at the side of Bubs' Concession Stand. The scene slowly zooms in.}
 * HOMESTAR RUNNER: I'm tellin' you, it's "could"! It makes perfect sense!
 * BUBS: You sure Marzipan's gonna get back to us? I'm gettin' all kinds of jumpy!
 * HOMESTAR RUNNER: What? Oh, Marzipan would never not return a call! She always has before!

Trivia

 * Strong Bad's message about Marzipan's computer was inspired by a real scam phone call that SRMX12's house received some time before. The caller claimed to be named Steve, and he too pointed out irrelevant computer details to try to convince the receiver that their computer had a virus. He also used the same phrasing of "calling to save your computer".

Fixed Goofs

 * The word "cellophane" in Senor Cardgage's line was originally misspelled with just one "l". This was fixed the next day.