Broternal Order Of Different Helmets/Coach E's Happy Leave Mortality Day

Coach E goes to the dreaded sorority for her sophomore year since the boys (and the Dean for some reason) have gone to prison

(The latter plot is just an excuse to get EVG to cosplay Cody really)

The Script
{We open in Dean's "video dungeon" of sorts as she and EVG are looking through their large collection of anime for rare Japanese vanity plates}

EVG: Ooh, Danger Video! Classic, classic.

Dean: Another day, another Kadokawa variant.

EVG: Thanks for inviting me over to your bachelorette pad for a date!

Dean: Just call it a bachelor pad, nobody actually has a bachelorette pad

EVG: Either way, this date is going great-HOLY CRAP we gotta find the third Danger of myth!

Dean: I think that may be on Stinkoman K Vol. 9

EVG: Well, only one way to find out!

{Greg puts the tape in the VCR. We then see a shirtless man that the camera slowly zooms in on.}

Danger Video Guy: BLARRGHEFLARGAHBARGELODOGLO!

{A loud gunshot noise is heard as a red logo that has an exclamation mark in a triangle and says "DANGER VIDEO The highest quality content ever stolen from somewhere else" appears.}

Dean: The legends are true!

Stom: I have no clue.

EVG: Uh yeah.

Dean: Wait, where did you come from?

Stom: Oh! Well, it's funny you should, uh, you see, SMOKE BOMB!

{Stom disappears in a cloud of smoke.}

EVG: Now, where were we?

Dean: This isn't one-a those urban legend curséd videotapes, is it?

EVG: Nah, it's all fine. The only curse you can get from a Danger Video release is the curse of quality!

Dean: How is that a curse?

EVG: I don't know.

Anime Narrator: Last Time on Stinkoman K, the mysterious figure finally revealed himself.

Stinkoman: So, Mr. Shadowbutt, we meet at last!

Master GD: That's Master GD to you, Stinkoman!

(Cut to 1-Up.)

1-Up: But if he's an illegitimate clone of you, then how was he made?

Master Z: An evil spirit stole part of my soul.

(Cut to Stinkoman.)

Stinkoman: We must stop him!

{Cut to Master GD.}

Master GD: You will fall, Stinkoman!

Stinkoman: IS THAT A CHALLENGE?!?!?!

(Cut back to Greg and Dean.)

Dean: Now this is anime.

EVG: You know what's weird, though? A company that only produced live-action and the occasional horrific Puppet thing distributing an anime?

Dean: Well, I guess we shouldn't be complaining, we found a kicktweez variant to upload to YouTube and quite the program t-

(The TV switches to static before cutting to a weird news show.)

Jonny Fark: Welcome to Conspirys! The only show that gives you the truth no matter how bad it hurts. I'm Jonny Fark.

EVG: What is this? What happened to the tape?

Dean: It must have gotten interrupted.

Jonny Fark: Tonight: Is the popular record store zine "Teen Girl Squad" secretly a manifesto designed to teach murder? The answer may surprise you!

EVG: HOLY CRAP ME AND DEAN ARE WANTED. For an unfunny reason but still, I'll protect the law of all minorities if it means sparing us from shlock like this.

{turns self in like Patrick Star. Everybody except Coach E is now in prison, EVG is dressed like Cody Travers}

Honstlar: Why are WE all here again? I would NEVER do the killy thing.

Gfd: I'm just here for all the banks I robbed. And the money I ate from them.

EVG: Wait why is the dean here? And wheres Easy E?

Honstlar: Did you bump your head? BOTH of you are wante-OH CRAP YOU'RE RIGHT! Why wasn't she brought in with us?

Jailguard Guy: Because some weird lady bailed her out before she even set foot in this place.

Dean: But who would want to save Coachy but not-

All: THE CLEANSING GEEK!

Honstlar: Oh no, The Cleansing Geek must have taken her to the sorority where you die at the end of every day!

EVG: Still, why is this prison multi-sex?

Jailguard Guy: Uhhhh... Bubble Jug?

Honstlar: Oh, that makes sense.

(Cut to CGNU.)

COACH E: Gee, thanks for taking me back to this wonderful school. But would you mind letting me go? I think my friends have been arrested, and I want to visit them.

TCG: Why would you think for a second I would let you go? I'M THE VILLIAN!

Coach E: Well, I thought you would have a change of-

TCG: I WILL NEVER CHANGE!

{Cut back to the prison.}

Honstlar: This is NOT good.

EVG: How’d you hear that?

Honstlar: What are you talking about? I'm saying that we need to get out of prison!

EVG: Oh, I had that confused with something else.

SRMX12: Pshh. No biggie! We can just use the Golden Fedora to wish us out of here and save Coach E from being alone!

Honstlar: Yeah, about that... I thought that the Fedora was too convenient of a plot device so...... I destroyed it.

Everyone Else: YOU WHAT?!?!

Honstlar: What?! We already have everything we need! Besides, Grindolo and his lackeys are immune to it.

EVG: Still, that was kind of a jerk move!

Honstlar: In retrospect, I should have wished for a "Get Outta Jail" card before I powderized it.

GFD: Fortunately, my hat is just as magical! {takes his hat off and a flood of salad dressing pours out}

HONSTLAR: Well, can't deny that. But salad dressing might not be helpful now.

{Cut to the guard standing in the salad dressing looking mortified.}

Jailguard Guy: Oh child, I'm allergic to salad dressing!

{The guard explodes in a small ball of fire and weird keys fly into EVG's hands}

Honstlar: I stand corrected.

EVG: Now what?

GFD: Now we get outta this place once and f'rall!

{He takes off his bowler hat and pulls out a small wooden box. He uses the guard's key to unlock the box, opening to reveal another key.}

GFD: We can use this key to get out of this cell!

{He unlocks the cell}

All: Hot times!

Honstlar: Let's go find Coach E!

{Cut to the college.}

Cleaning Geek (who FYI is not yet nonexistent as this takes place befor ethe Review Revue thing): Alright so there's a twist we never told you about. When we kill you, you don't DIE die...you relive your final day as a horrific mind torturing limbo Weird Grindolo Lackey #44: It'S lIkE gRoUnDhOg'S dAy BuT rEaLly ScReWeD uP! TCG: Shut up, Brock! Brock: sOrRy, GrEaT cLeAnSeR. TCG: WHAT DID I JUST SAY?! Brock: {quiet whimpers} COACH E: This... sounds very inconvenient. EVG: who are you BROCK: wHo, Me? I'm OnE oF gRiNdOlO's— THE CLEANSER GEEK: {slap} DON'T SPEAK UNLESS YOU'RE SPOKEN TO! BROCK: I WaS sPoKeN tO— THE CLEANSER GEEK: {slap} YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN! {Cut to Coach E} COACH E: Greg? Honstlar? Gfd? You guys came! You're here to save me! GFD: I was told there would be snacks. I'm leaving to the cafeteria. Those tables have a real pungent flavor! Honstlar: As sociopathic as this sounds...can you just go through it once. I wanna see how it works. COACH E: That's horrific!! GFD: You know what, I actually kind of agree with him. It sounds pretty wicked awesome. STRONG BAD: {walking in from offscreen} Those last two words, in that sequence, are enough to make my eyeballs shrivel in pain. HONSTLAR: Worse than "rockin' cool", then? STRONG BAD: WAH! Don't you speak such a phrase! {leaves} SRMX12: Well, that scene was completely unrelated. {Static cut to Review Revue} STRONG SAD: With an unrelated bit about the usage of cool slang, Coach E's Happy Whatever Day misses the mark! {Miss} This episode of the Helmet Show is most certainly not rockin' cool. STRONG BAD: {offscreen} My face! STRONG SAD: And it doesn't help that these helmet-havers interrupted my last episode several times, and turned me into a logo somehow! HONSTLAR: That episode technically takes place after this one. That hasn't happened yet. STRONG SAD: Jeez, writing multiple scripts at the same time really makes our timeline all confusing. {Pan right to reveal a small TV next to Strong Sad, showing exactly what's happening right now. In the corner is another TV, which contains another TV, and so forth. "Helmet TV" can be seen in the corner.} STRONG SAD: And not only that, their episode is getting carried away with a completely random and unrelated segment about my show, {holds up a copy of Litigation Jackson} which they are not legally qualified to portray! Who's even writing this? {Cut to Gfd on his computer} GFD: Hey! HONSTLAR: I mean, I can't blame him. It's almost like you're making this up as you go. SRMX12: Plus, we're kind of supposed to be saving Coach E or something right now. {Zoom out to reveal they're still in the sorority} GFD: Yeah, maybe this isn't the best usage of time at the moment. EVG: wait where's E (looks around and all scream) {Cut to The Cleanser Geek running away, carrying Coach E who's tied up in rope} EVG: WAIT DID YOU SEE THAT TAPE Dean: Bylineless Lump of Dump pictures logo HOOOO They leave to the bachelorette pad HONSTLAR: Oh my flash, THIS IS NOT GOOD! (looks at clock which is 11:55 PM due to how long the altrication about SS left) EVG: ok maybe it can wait five minutes, saddle up Dean (she comes abck) Honstlar: HOLY KING OF TOWN WHERE DID COACH E GO (Coach E is about to go to bed still alive somehow. A familiar female German accent beckons softly..,) TCG: Hellooooo. Ready for another wonderful day? {Record scratch} UNKNOWN FAMILIAR VOICE: Wait... {Cut to a live action shot of Branderson and ROM.} BRODY: She's German?! RANDY: Yeah, I guess I should have told you that beforehand. BRODY: Man, this is just like when I found out Silvana was Russian. RANDY: This is getting way too meta for my taste. BRODY: I agree. {Cut back to the sorority where Coach E immediately wakes up.} COACH E: Stop dragging me down!! Oh, I'm alive again. EVG: You know what's weird, though? A company that only produced live-action and the occasional horrific Puppet thing distributing an anime? Dean: Well, I guess we shouldn't be complaining, we found a kicktweez variant to upload to YouTube and quite the program t- COACH E: What— what's happening? This already happened! The day is repeating itself!! EVG: awww we missed seeing how it happened. Dean: Alright then here’s my advice: get into your hot road and get as far away from Cleanser Geek as humanly possible COACH E: I will! {Coach E runs offscreen to the right. Cut to a road in the middle of the desert. There is a pothole in the center of the road. Coach E runs in from the left, exhausted.} COACH E: Here's a hot road. {Coach E sits in the pothole for several seconds} COACH E: I fail to see how this is helping. {looks back} Hey, Dean? I got into my hot road. What do I do now? Dean: well, uhhhh.....erm...you know what thats not too far off from my original intention. Stay there for the rest of the day. Here's some snacks. Good luck. COACH E: Oh, good. At least here I'll be safe. {Pause for a few seconds. Wind blows. A tumbleweed passes by. After a while, The Cleanser Geek creepily rises up from the pothole...} (and collapses unconcious due to being in a sewer) Coach E: well this is going great {Grindolo sneaks up behind Coach E and trips on a rock, sending him off a cliff} COACH E: Nothing can ever harm me here. {The Pretender falls from the sky and lands in front of Coach E, ready to attack, until he spontaneously combusts} COACH E: I'm perfectly safe. (Cut to 11:59 PM that night nothing else has happened) Honstlar: Wow, Coachy, who knew you were so lucky? Coach E: I guess I was born that way. {Cut to outside.} TCG: Blasted! The blondie escaped me! Luckily, I have a backup plan! {A drone appears.} TCG: Go now my pretty, and break her dead! {The drone flys towards the Pill HQ.} {Cut to the hot road} HONSTLAR: She's going to blow up the Pillquarters! {Cut to the basement. The entire BODH (except Honstlar and Coach E) are holding cards with bored expressions.} GFD: Go fish. {pulls a fish bowl from hammerspace and the fish jumps away} SRMX12: Boy, we've had a lot of adventures with that fish in the last few hours. Including but not limited to family-fun card-gamgmes. {with a soft G, sounding like a portmanteau of "card games" and "Cardgage"} G—Gamgmes. EDITED VIDEO GREG: Will it be able to survive on its own? GFD: I wonder what Honst and E are doing. STOM: Missed out on a lotta good waffles. EDITED VIDEO GREG: Hey, you noticed that mini-robo-helicopter thing outside? SRMX12: Whoa. Pretty weird. {Pause} STOM: I never liked that fish. {The Pillquarters explodes.} Gfd: Does anybody else smell burnt Tylenol? {Honnie and Coachy arrive at the wreckage.} Honstlar: Not the Pillquarters! NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! {Honstlar finds a calling card near the wreckage of the drone.} Honstlar: {reading} This Ziktor brand Kamikaze Drone is the property of Eva Zuzuko, A.K.A. The Cleansing Geek?!?!?! Gfd: You maniac! SRMX12: Ya blew it up! EVG: Damn you, She-Wolf! All: Damn you to hell!! TO BE CONTINUED... Click on the word "BE" to see an Easter egg.

GFD: Wait, are we allowed to say that? Sounds a bit harsh... Honstlar: No one is allowed to tamper with that quote. EVG: What about Madagas- Honstlar: NO ONE! Gfd: I'll just take that as a yes...