Gfd's Random Stuff/kitchen appliances

Alternate Timeline Strong Bad Email #136

Strong Bad and Homestar join forces for the greater figuring out what kitchen appliance they would be.

Cast (in order of appearance): Gavin, Strong Bad, Homestar Runner, Le Chop, Coach Z, Marzipan

Places: Computer Room, Marzipan's House

Computer: Lappy 486

Date: Monday, September 26, 2005

Running Time: 3:22

Page Title: Lappy 486

DVD: strongbad_email.exe Disc Five

Transcript
''{Open to the Lappy 486. The lights are out and Gavin is crawling on the screen. The lights suddenly turn on and Gavin crawls away as Strong Bad sits down.}''

STRONG BAD: Ahem. {singing out of key} Email song that's really GREeaat?!

{The Lappy buzzes and displays "ERROR - insufficient email song."}

STRONG BAD: What?! Must be outta practice. Okay, here goes... {singing} song is long, is long, is long, is song is an email song.

{A "thump" is heard and the Lappy shakes.}

STRONG BAD: Well, sorry! Jeez! You don't have to get violent.

{Some more thumps.}

STRONG BAD: Wait a minute, what is that?

''{Cut to a wide shot. Homestar Runner has made a small shanty underneath the desk, with a sign reading "homestar's place". He has a juice box skewered on a stick and is roasting it over a flashlight.}''

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Oh hey, Strong Bad. {pointing the stick at Strong Bad} Juice box?

STRONG BAD: Homestar! Since when did I say you could take up residence underneath my sbemail desk?

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Oh, well, you hadn't used it in so long I just figured... you know... squatter's rights.

STRONG BAD: I'm about to squat on your rights if you don't get outta here, you filthy hobo!

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {stands up} Aw, come on, Mr. Roper! I could help out around the house! I'm a real super athlete. You oughta see me climb and stuff. Maybe you should introduce me to&mdash;

STRONG BAD: Yeah, all right, shut up. I suppose I could use your help. The Lappy's broken and it says I need some bozo to sing it an email song or else I can't check-a my email.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Ooh! Email songs are my forte. Or perhaps my fiftay!

''{Cut to the Lappy. Both Homestar and Strong Bad's heads are reflected in the screen.}''

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {singing} Ya gotta, email ding-dong ding-dong, I wanna, email ding-dong ding-dong, I gotta.

{The Lappy displays "Close enough" and the email comes up.}

 subject: kitchen appliance Dear STRONG BAD!!! If you could be a kitchen appliance what would it be? and why? waiting in anticipation. Victoria AUS

{They both start reading at the same time.}

STRONG BAD: Hey, one at a time!

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Oh, okay.

''{Strong Bad starts reading the email from the beginning. Homestar does too, at the same time, albeit in a higher voice.}''

STRONG BAD: Stoopface! Look, I'll tell ya what. We'll alternate words. Dear...

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Dear... I mean, STRONG!

STRONG BAD: BAD!

''{This continues. Homestar reads "Victoria". Strong Bad says:}''

STRONG BAD: From Austree-alia-lenberger... combo. Well, Vicky&mdash;

HOMESTAR: {angrily} &mdash;you worthless sack o' crap!

STRONG BAD: Homestar, no! She might be slightly attractive... or loaded.

HOMESTAR: Just tryin' to help.

{Homestar's head leaves the screen.}

STRONG BAD: Well, Vischyssoise, who hasn't spent romantic nights in front of the fireplace, gazing into that special someone's eyes, talking about what kitchen appliance they would be? I had {small cough} girlfriend in {small cough} college that used to want to be a panini press. In fact that was her name I think. Good ol', hot ol' Panini Press. But I always saw myself as a beigish-tan food processor called Le Chop. I'd look as much like me as a food processor possibly could.

{Cut to a beige food processor on a countertop.}

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} ...which apparently isn't very much.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {voiceover} No, no. The Oh-bliterator Thousand! And it'd have cool flames all on it and gashuffers comin outta the sides!

''{The food processor turns red and gains cool flames and gashuffers. Cut to the computer room.}''

STRONG BAD: Homestar, calm down! You don't need to go all Strong Bad on this one. I have a lotta respect for food processors and the processing thereof. Beigish tan, Le Chop, got it?

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Yes, sir.

''{Cut back to Le Chop. The buttons appear as they are mentioned.}''

STRONG BAD: {voiceover} I'd have several handy my-mouth colored buttons labelled puree, frappe&mdash;

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {voiceover} Crushe, smushe, and of course, offe.

STRONG BAD: Homestar&mdash;

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Potatoes would curly-cue themselves at the very sight of it! This thing could julienne a phonebook into a metal can, and shoot lasers at hot girls!

''{The food processor shoots lasers, and female screams are heard. Cut to the computer room.}''

STRONG BAD: Homestar, no! No lasers this time!

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Cool flames!!

STRONG BAD: BEIGISH TAN!!

HOMESTAR RUNNER: GASHUFFERS!!

{Cut to the food processor, now with a mouth and eyes.}

FOOD PROCESSOR: STOP FIGHTING! STOP FIGHTING! ALL YOU GUYS EVER DO ANYMORE IS FIGHT! AND I'M SICK OF IT! I'M GOING TO MY ROOM!

''{It storms off the counter. Cut back to the computer room.}''

STRONG BAD: Woah. Guess we upset our imaginary food processor stepson.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Oh, he's just going through a phase. ''And no Intendo, young man! You hear me?!''

STRONG BAD: If you have so many ideas, why don't you just make your own kitchen appliance?

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Oh, I'd be a fork! A taped up fork! A brown taped up fork! We'd live right next to each other on Mother Goose's countertop! We would alternate words while reciting clever rhymes that help kids remember to do their chores.

{Cut to Le Chop and a brown taped-up fork on a countertop.}

HOMESTAR AND STRONG BAD: {alternating, with Strong Bad starting and ending} Make your bed, or you'll be dead, by morning.

{A green plastic bag sealer bounces onscreen and repeats, higher:}

COACH Z: By morning!

{Cut to Marzipan.}

MARZIPAN: Excuse me?

{Cut to Strong Bad, Homestar, and Coach Z crammed on the kitchen counter.}

STRONG BAD: Oh, hey, Marzipan, we was just uh, looking&mdash; HOMESTAR RUNNER: out&mdash; STRONG BAD: from&mdash; HOMESTAR RUNNER: within&mdash; COACH Z: ourselves?!

MARZIPAN: {in a sarcastic tone} I really don't know why you guys don't have girlfriends.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: But what about&mdash;?

MARZIPAN: You heard me.

{The Paper comes down.}

Easter Eggs

 * Click on Strong Bad's head at the end for a commercial.
 * {Cut to a blue background. A yellow explosion shape pops up, reading "That's Right!".}
 * STRONG BAD: That's right! You get Le Chop, the cleaning kit, and the interesting branch all for only 20 low payments of 4 easy installments!
 * {The objects appear as he says them.}
 * ANNOUNCER: {under his breath} Cool flames and gashuffers sold separately.

Explanations

 * The lights are off and Gavin is shown on the Lappy because it had been 7 weeks since the previous Strong Bad Email.
 * There was a similar occurrence of this in the email army.
 * Vichyssoise is a thick soup made of puréed leeks, onions, potatoes, cream, and chicken stock.

Trivia

 * The email heavily acknowledges the seven-week delay since the previous email.
 * Marzipan breaks up with Homestar at the end of the email.

Real-World References

 * Mr. Roper was the hard-nosed landlord in Three's Company.
 * The email contains a reference to Nintendo.

Fast Forward

 * Homestar roasting a juicebox will later end up as part of 4 branches, but using a real fire instead of a flashlight.

DVD Version

 * The DVD version features creators' commentary. To access it, switch your DVD player's audio language selection while watching.

Commentary Transcript
MIKE: {while Gavin is on the Lappy} Looks like we took a long break after this&mdash; before this one, not after this one.

MATT: We may have taken one after it too. {pause} Gavin&mdash; When Gavin shows up on your doorstep&mdash; darkens your doorstep. {pause} Talk about it, Mike.

MIKE: Uh... it's early in the morning for us today. {Matt laughs} It's our first commentary of the day.

MATT: Uh, so... we thought about, uh... when we made this&mdash;

MIKE: {simultaneously} Making a... an email about that noise, the geddup noise, instead.

MATT: Right. The... {imitates the geddup noise}

MIKE: We made scripts for both, I think, and decided, uh... this was the one we decided to go with.

MATT: I might... I think we should do that sometime.

MIKE: Yeah? The geddup noise...?

MATT: I think there's some, uh, there's still some untapped potential. With that concept.

MIKE: I see.

{Pause.}

MIKE: Is&mdash; Is he going to eat that juice box?

MATT: {laughs} No, I&mdash; I think maybe he's trying to roast the juice inside.

MIKE: That makes... almost as much sense.

MATT: So, um... what kitchen appliance would you be, Mike?

MIKE: I would be a... not&mdash; b&mdash; I don't know, Matt!

MATT: Well, you've gotta decide. It's for the commentary. What do you know about the&mdash; the illustrious art of DVD commentation, Mike?

MIKE: What are my... what are my credentials? How do I decide?

MATT: Let's see... you have an elbow, so maybe choose a kitchen appliance that has an elbow.

MIKE: I d&mdash; {laughs} I can't think of any.

MATT: Let's just make you a refridgerator. It's got, um, elbow macaroni.

MIKE: Do I have to be a refridgerator?

MATT: It's&mdash; yes. {Mike laughs} You have no choice in the matter.

MIKE: I guess this is my last commentary, I'm going to be a refridgerator from now on.

MATT: Yeah. We, um&mdash; We were originally going to animate... some of these things, you know, the potatoes curly-cuing themselves at the sight of the Oh-bliterator...

MIKE: I&mdash; we didn't know how to illustrate that.

{Pause.}

MATT: Go&mdash;

MIKE: Ah&mdash; say something, Matt!

MATT: Uh, baseball!

MIKE: Okay, that's uh, something&mdash;

MATT: Lemke!

{Laughing.}

MIKE: We're not commenting on the email much. Uh, no Intendo, Matt.

MATT: Yeah, we like to call our&mdash; like, any Nintendo system we have an "Intendo".

MIKE: That's&mdash; it sounds like you're saying "a Nintendo", but he's really saying "an Intendo".

MATT: Yeah. Boot up the ol' Intendo.

{Pause.}

MATT: I like that, uh, plastic sealer bag. D&mdash; you drew that, right?

MIKE: I remember drawing that.

MATT: Yeah, I can tell. 'Cause it looks bad.

MIKE: When did they all get on the counter like that?

MATT: And why? {laughs}

''{Pause until end. The microphone bumps.}''

MATT: {softly} Was that all right?

Fun Facts

 * The original script featuring the geddup noise is documented at Sbemail 136 Alternate Versions.
 * Matt references Mark Lemke.