Inanimate Objects in Decidedly Non-Inanimate Situations/Episode 2



Plot: The objects have to satisfy a special guest star's whim.

Transcript
''{The scene shows the Onion Bubses sittin on benches in The Field. Welcome to Blubb-O's is watching on the sidelines}''

ONION BUBS: Everybody here is slowin' me down. Onion Bubs ain't supposed to lose early on!

HUMIDIBOT: Hey, don't sweat it! You're the most popular member, so nobody will ever vote you out.

ONION BUBS: You dang right, they won't!

DOREAUXGARD: Hey, wackos, guess what!

THE PAPER: {printing out} > whaaaaat?

DOREAUXGARD: {in a mocking voice} Welcome to Blubb-O's. We can serve you any time.

ONION BUBS: {angry} Lemme at 'em!!

{Tony Stony holds him back}

LAPPIER: Hey all of you! Enough crass talk. It's time for Vote 'em ups.

{Vote 'em ups get their own intro jingle}

STRONG BAD: {singing} Vote 'em up, vote 'em up, vote 'em up y'all!

{Back to the Lappier addressing the objects}

LAPPIER: Now, for this episode, we got... 3 votes.

ONION BUBS: That all?

LAPPIER: Yeah, we are a very small object show. Now to count them up. If you're safe, you get a Grumblecake.

{He uncovers a plate with four of them}

TONY STONY: {making a funny weird smile} Grumblecake!

LAPPIER: The Paper is safe, with 0 votes.

{He tosses a Grumblecake to The Paper, who doesn't catch it}

THE PAPER: > how i'ms supposed to eat it ???

LAPPIER: That's your problem. Onion Bubs!

ONION BUBS: Zero votes!!!

LAPPIER: That's right. No votes for you.

{Onion Bubs gets Grumblecake}

ONION BUBS: Hey! Only liars and thieves eat Grumblecakes!

HUMIDIBOT: {pokes into the frame} And those people go to prison!

ONION BUBS: Thank you.

LAPPIER: And now let's count the votes. One vote for Scotty Titi.

{Scotty Titi stares forward}

LAPPIER: Next vote was placed for... Tony Stony.

TONY STONY: Me?! What did I do wrong?

LAPPIER: Don't ask me. It's viewers choice.

TONY STONY: I shoulda auditioned for TPOT.

LAPPIER: And the last vote is... pause for dramatic effect... Humidibot! It's a tie!

HUMIDIBOT: Wowee!

TONY STONY: What happens in a tie?

LAPPIER: It goes to a random draw. Calculating random result...

{A progress bar appears on his monitor}

LAPPIER: {on his monitor} Humidibot Current status: NOT ELIMINATED

{He throws Grumblecake and Humidibot downs it in one gulp}

HUMIDIBOT: It's got pistachios!

LAPPIER: {on his monitor} Scotty Titi

TONY STONY: I'm sad to see him go but he really didn't benefit the team.

LAPPIER: {on his monitor} Current status: NOT ELIMINATED

TONY STONY: {double take} AHH!

{A Grumblecake is thrown, which passes through Scotty Titi}

LAPPIER: Tony Stony, as the first elimination, you get to guest star in an episode...

TONY STONY: Really?

LAPPIER: ...of Strong Bad's Million-Plus Views Hydraulic Press Show!

TONY STONY: Wait! What's the hydraulic press gonna--

{A vacuum tube comes down and sucks him up out of frame}

LAPPIER: You'll get to see that later. On to the next challenge.

{Right on cue, Homsar waddles on in to the scene}

F-SACK: Umm... what's with Homsar?

LAPPIER: Homsar is going to give you your challenge and judge you on your results. Think of him as your guest host.

ONION BUBS: Excuse me, but how do we win if we can't understand a word he says?

LAPPIER: That is for you to figure out. I'm going to sit over there.

{He exits stage left}

HUMIDIBOT: Er... I'm Humidibot!

HOMSAR: DaAaA! I'm a terrible captain!

FRANK BENNEDETTO: Request clarification, sir!

HOMSAR: Someone's stolen my boats! It's never a good sign!

FRANK BENNEDETTO: We will recover your boats, post haste!

F-SACK: Hey, uh, I think he's just speaking nonsense.

{The teams both rack their brains to figure out how to satisfy Homsar}

DOREAUXGARD: Hey. Whale fella talks nonsense too. Let him talk to Homsar.

F-SACK: Good plan.

{The Drive-Thru Whale burrows up next to Homsar}

DRIVE-THRU WHALE: Welcome to the black parade, ma'am.

HOMSAR: AaAaA, you can call me Albo, the ruler of time and space!

DRIVE-THRU WHALE: That's one infinite combo meal. Do you want sever-your-leg with that?

HOMSAR: Meet me at the Grenade Boat in Downtown Linden the next day!

DRIVE-THRU WHALE: Your total comes to fruition, sir.

HOMSAR: The sun is a lamb, I'm a ram... If you don't like it, don't ride. AaAaAaAaAaAaA!

{Homsar waddles over to the Welcome to Blubb-O's team, inexplicably holding a large tray of fast food}

DOREAUXGARD: Hey, look! He got food from the whale! That's gotta be worth points!

HOMSAR: YiIiIiIkes! You sure are a lot of oil!

{Cut to The Onion Bubses, who still haven't done much}

THE PAPER: > They're already ahead!! I think!!

ONION BUBS: I ain't losing again. Think of something!

HUMIDIBOT: Maybe do weird and random stuff and maybe Homsar will like it?

ONION BUBS: It's a start! Humidibot, you smear donkey sauce on some car magazines! The Paper, print out cheat codes for stapler dancin'!

HUMIDIBOT and THE PAPER: Right!

ONION BUBS: Scotty Titi, you... sit there and be ashamed of yourself.

{Scotty Titi sits there like a lump}

ONION BUBS: {muttering} Dang viewer voting, mumble grumble.

{The remaining Onion Bubs get to work doing random things, while Homsar watches}

ONION BUBS: What you think of that?

HOMSAR: By the powers of Phibro shroom!

ONION BUBS: Sure hope that's a compliment.

DOREAUXGARD: {offscreen} Hey nonsense boy!

''{Homsar turns around. Doreauxgard is standing next to Trivia Time}''

DOREAUXGARD: Come play with Trivia Time! Everybody loves a cute puppy!

{Homsar waddles to the other team}

DOREAUXGARD: Hiya.

{Trivia Time barks and affectionately rubs against Homsar}

HOMSAR: DaAaAaA! This is not a drill! This is a weird flying fish!

{Trivia Time backs off in disgust and hides next to Doreauxgard}

DOREAUXGARD: Oh, come on...

{Homsar goes back to the other side}

ONION BUBS: He's comin'! Uh, uh, think of something!

HUMIDIBOT: Have Scotty talk to him!

ONION BUBS: Scotty Titi? He just stands there and does nothing.

HUMIDIBOT: It's all I got right now!

ONION BUBS: Okay, Scotty, go talk to Homsar.

{Scotty stares back for a few seconds, then floats in front of Homsar}

HOMSAR: Ain't no chance of rain here! Just a little caramel bath for the gals. AaAaAaAaA

SCOTTY TITI: {silence}

HOMSAR: Dyah, I'm a multi-planet journeymer, not a turncoat!

SCOTTY TITI: {silence}

HOMSAR: {pleased} These people are my slippers!

{To everyone's confusion, Homsar smiles and appears to hug Scotty Titi}

F-SACK: {quietly} Holy crap.

ONION BUBS: I don't get it, but I'll take it.

{Homsar waddles up to the Lappier, who was on the sidelines}

LAPPIER: Wait, are you declaring a winner?

HOMSAR: Was that really a cheese rabbit in there?

LAPPIER: So who won?

HOMSAR: AaAaAaA, you take my lucky bird. I don't want it.

{The Lappier blinks in confusion}

LAPPIER: Okay, just... point to who won.

{Homsar faces the teams and leans forward a little}

LAPPIER: I still can't tell.

ONION BUBS: No arms!

LAPPIER: How about just walk up to the winning team.

HOMSAR: Don't you know how to ship like a salmon?

{Homsar wanders around in a random pattern}

LAPPIER: Give him a second...

''{Eventually Homsar comes to a stop... next to The Onion Bubses}''

THE PAPER: > OH YEAH!!

DOREAUXGARD: But wha-- we had Drive-Thru Whale! They're perfect for each other!

HUMIDIBOT: Apparently Scotty was more perfect!

{Scotty floats against Homsar and leans against him}

LAPPIER: The Onion Bubses made a comeback! So someone from Blubb-O's is going to get it! Here are the people on the Onion Bubses team: Frank Bennedetto, F-Sack, Trivia Time, Doreauxgard, Drive-Thru Whale.

{The contestants' pictures appear as the Lappier lists them}

LAPPIER: It's time for you guys to decide. Post who you want to eliminate on the Viewer Voting page, and the one with the most votes will be out of the game.

{The post-credit scene shows Tony Stony sitting on a short platform in Strong Bad's garage, having a nervous look}

STRONG BAD: {offscreen} Welcome, bored teenagers on your tablets, to Strong Bad's Million-Plus Views Hydraulic Press Show!

''{The logo appears on screen. Strong Bad imitates a crowd noise}''

NARRATOR: {speaking fast} Actual hydraulic press may just be Strong Mad's giant fist.

STRONG BAD: Ohhh man! So many views! So r/oddlysatisfying!

{Strong Bad's glove comes into frame}

STRONG BAD: And here we have Tony Stony. He is-a wery dangerous, and can at-tack at any moment, so we have to deal with it.

{He retreats behind the frame}

STRONG BAD: Alright, Strong Mad, put the pressure on 'im!

STRONG MAD: {offscreen} DON'T HURT TONY STONY!

STRONG BAD: He did get eliminated, big fella, we have--

STRONG MAD: DAAAUGH!

{Strong Mad comes stomping onto the scene to chase Strong Bad}

STRONG BAD: AAH! Thank you for watching and have a nice day!

{Tony Stony looks back and forth, then hops down and runs away}