AWMPSCEIRLOMGG/Week 3 (2nd half)

Wrestling Observer News

 * Excellent Smackdown today. In the main event, Chavo Guerrero, The Undertaker and Bobby Lashley defeated Michael Shane and MNM in a big entertainment-focused match.
 * Also, AJ Styles and Rhyno used their extreme skills to beat Edge and Daivari. And Kurt Angle defeated Andy Douglas in a quick squash match.
 * Brock Lesnar is now off training for an MMA fight, and will be gone from NJPW for 5 months. Hajime Ohara has also left for a fight, and will take 4 months of training.
 * High action puroresu goodness in Dragon Gate this week, as they held King of Gate 2007. The main event was Naomichi Marufuji defeating Masaaki Mochizuki for the Open the Dream Gate title, marking the second time he has won the belt.
 * Also on the card, CIMA and Heat battled for the Open the Brave Gate title. CIMA got himself disqualified, but got to keep his title, as titles don't change hands on a disqualification.
 * Lacey has joined WWE, but as an on screen personality and not as a wrestler, as her contract does not clear her to wrestle.
 * On NJPW World Pro-Wrestling, Brock Lesnar and Shinsuke Nakamura defeated Riki Choshu and Manabu Nakainishi, two members of DASH DASH DASH.
 * Two major title matches on ROH Final Battle 2007. First, Abyss defeated Nigel McGuinness and Claudio Castagnoli, retaining his World title in a showcase of pure wrestling.
 * Next, defeated Jack Evans in the middle of a steel cage, defending the ROH Pure title.
 * Also in the world of puroresu, NOAH Di Colosseo had some excellent matches this week. Yoshihiro Takayama defended his GHC Heavyweight title well against Minoru Suzuki.
 * Also on the card, KENTA and Naomichi Marufuji defeated BURNING (Jun Akiyama and Kenta Kobashi) with some excellent technical wrestling.
 * Mauro Ranallo of Stampede is in some hot water after some comments he made on a shoot radio show painted many top stars in a negative light. We have not received a response from the promotion yet.
 * WWC has chosen a new head booker, and it is former WWE legend Gerald Brisco! With his experience, he's sure to lead the promotion to fame.

At IWA Puerto Rico headquarters...
{Somewhere in Puerto Rico, Pom Pom enters an office that looks much more professional than Haysi's, to meet with Victor Quiñones and Bushwhacker Luke}

LUKE: This the guy?

VICTOR: Yes sir.

POM POM: {bubbles}

VICTOR: We have heard of your recent arrival into the world, and we thought we'd contact you before anyone else does. Let's negotiate--

{Pom Pom writes a number on a piece of paper and slides it across to them}

LUKE: Down to business, eh?

{They read...}

VICTOR: {stunned} $4200?! That's three times more than any other worker!!

POM POM: {stern bubbles}

VICTOR: Not even Vampiro gets that kind of paycheck!

{Pom Pom begins to turn on his heel}

VICTOR: {reaches out} Wait, wait! ...Let's talk.

POM POM: {stops, turns and makes agreeing bubbles}

*Pom Pom has been hired by IWA.*

At a random independent event...
{Joey Machete accompanies The Cleric and Mr. Bland to the backstage area of yet another arena}

JOEY MACHETE: Now don't you blow this for me. I got tag team action with Shawn Murphy and I want it to go off without a hitch.

THE CLERIC: Oh pish tosh. I am adequately graceful and mannered.

MR. BLAND: Me too...

MACHETE: Good. I'm lucky it's you two and not that... chef guy.

MR. BLAND: Mm hmm.

''{They enter the locker room. Billy Gunn is telling the crowd some road stories}''

BILLY GUNN: Ya see, Austin and Rock? Yeah, they both hated me. They ain't the sweethearts you see on TV!

AUSTIN ARIES: And what about that time they were gonna have you kiss Chyna?

BILLY GUNN: Lemme tell you how it was really gonna happen...

MACHETE: {waves his hand} Pff. Big blowhard.

THE CLERIC: Are all locker rooms like this? This marks the second time I have had to deal with an utter boor.

MACHETE: Yeah, there's usually some veteran that thinks they can be the center of attention.

THE CLERIC: Perhaps I can regale this rabble about the time I officiated the marriage between The Poopsmith and pleasant odor. I dare say it was one of my finest moments!

MACHETE: Yeah... maybe save that one.

THE CLERIC: Do you have a masterful yarn to spin for the audience, good sir Bland?

''{Mr. Bland shrugs}''

THE CLERIC: That is about what I expected.

MACHETE: What kinda matches do you have planned?

THE CLERIC: We are to lay down and accept our defeat at the first drawing of the curtain.

MACHETE: Ya mean jobbing?

MR. BLAND: Yep.

THE CLERIC: I am to face Steve McKenzie and Bland is up against Tommy Williams.

MACHETE: Good luck out there...

RODERICK STRONG: {offscreen} Yo, come listen to what Billy did at the hotel yesterday!

MACHETE: ...and just ignore the nonsense going on here.

THE CLERIC: Deity give me strength to tolerate these sinners.

*The Cleric and Mr. Bland appeared at an independent wrestling show.*

Tommy Williams def. Mr. Bland (match rating: 25)

Steve McKenzie def. The Cleric (match rating: 10)

At Empty High School Gymnasium...
{Inside Haysi's office, the head booker herself is running some numbers}

HAYSI: {tapping a pencil to her head} This'll work out. We're not losing much money at all.

{Marzipan knocks on the partially-opened door}

HAYSI: Magnificent Marzipan! Make me smile, flower child!

MARZIPAN: Uh, yeah... I'm afraid this won't make you smile.

HAYSI: Uh oh...

MARZIPAN: I just got back from an important meeting, and well... I signed an exclusive contract with WWE. They offered me so much more than I could get here.

HAYSI: {annoyed} You can't just-- I only got a few major stars and you're one of them! You're making a mess of my booking plans!

MARZIPAN: Apparently, they didn't like what they got with the whole Gary the Legend situation, so they just... called me up.

HAYSI: {wave her fist} They're pickin' on me! They wanna kill my good vibe with their corporation desperation! You see that, right?!

MARZIPAN: I have agency too. I can choose where I wanna work.

HAYSI: {throw her hands up} Whatever! I can hire another star. Have fun getting jobbed out on the next pay-per-viewverseries.

HOMESTAR: {offscreen} Helloooo!

HAYSI: {sigh} Ah, my champion.

HOMESTAR: Oh man, Hom Fom, you are gonna love this news. L-U-V.

HAYSI: Thank goodness. I'm pickin' up good vibes already.

HOMESTAR: The ol' Jack 'em Up just got hired by--

HAYSI: {pounding the desk for emphasis} '''I'M GONNA KILL VINCE! I'M GONNA KILL SHANE! I'M GONNA KILL STEPHANIE!'''

HOMESTAR: --IWA Mid-South!

HAYSI: {embarrassed} Oh. My bad.

HOMESTAR: It's a no-armed handshake deal. I'll still be available any day ya need me. The schedules line up just like Tetris.

HAYSI: The vibes are singin', baby!

HOMESTAR: Jack 'em Up can dig it!

MARZIPAN: {flips her hair} Well... glad you're happy. I'll see you around.

{She exits}

*Marzipan has been hired by WWE.*

*Homestar Runner has been hired by IWA Mid-South.*