hpe/18

Hpemail #18

The Rocoulm answers some quick emails.

Page Title: The Sandy 0.4

Running Time: 2:51

Date: May 29, 2016

Script
HP: {facing the audience} Okay, you guys. Today I'm just gonna answer some quick emails. Is that okay?

GOBLIN: Yeah, go for it.

HP: Okay, here we go.

{gets on the computer}

HP: Check! Check! Check! The email! Check! The email! Check check check!

HP: Horrible Pain?! I really hope you just forgot some letters there. And no, Sincerly Sam, I have not done origami. DELETED! {pause} Uh, The Goblin, how do I delete this stuff?

GOBLIN: Press CapsLock, Tab, R, PrntScrn, both Shifts, left bracket, Ctrl-G, slash, backslash, the little squiggly, Insert, F1, and Command-Alt-4, all at the same time, then click the lower-left corner of the screen.

HP: That sounds simple. {presses some buttons and the email deletes} Email two!

HP: Oh! Um. Well. That is... an interesting question. Yes. Well, Con-fused, my name is actually Rocoulm. But back in school, the kids always called me Horrible Painting. You know, for jokes. It was just a little nickname joke, you know, because I'm a horrible painting. So I sorta liked that name and just sorta stuck with it. Yes. {pause} Email three!

HP: It's rather dark all up in here. So I like to keep a torch around. Y'know, for lights.

HP: Your name is too long. What type of parents would name their kid a name like that?! And what's your last name? _CoolManGuyWhoIsGreatAndAwesome5000_?! What's your nickname?! "AwesomeGuy"? "386123"? "WhoIsGreat"? I should delete this email now.

GOBLIN: You didn't answer the question.

HP: Oh yeah. The question. Well, WhoIsGreat, I was painted by a Deutsch master about 50 years ago. DELETED! {deletes email}

HP: Yes. I have mat him. Whatever that means. We was actually good friends back in Paintingsville.

HP: I can't even read this. Del-teeted. {deletes email}

HP: {typing very slowly} Uuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhh... deleted. {deletes email}

HP: Okay, fine. How do you pick stuff up, Goblin?

GOBLIN: Well, I, uh, I've never really thought about it before. Huh. Well, I, um... I pick up this and... wait... I uh, I either have invisible arms, or telekinesis.

HP: Well, that doesn't answer that question.

HP: I guess Ol' Gobby here is just good at voices. Hey, Gobby.

GOBLIN: Call me Gobby again and I'll call you The Rocoulm.

HP: Sorry, The Goblin. Hey, do your Strong Bad impression.

GOBLIN: Okay... {matching Strong Bad's voice perfectly} Oh, hey, I'm-a check-a the eeemails!

HP: Hey, that's pretty good! Do me! Do me!

GOBLIN: Really? It's really hard to do the echoey thing, but here goes nothing. {in a croaky, gravelly voice} Come on in here.

''{HP looks at The Goblin. Pause.}''

HP: That was just terrible. Last email!

HP: {pronounces "H*R" as "H-asterisk-R", and adds "From, a person who apparently has no name and doesn't exist and never has ever, according to their name, or lack thereof." at the end.} I don't know.

GOBLIN: I guess Mike and Matt just haven't given me any lines yet. I just do that ol' dance. I guess they just sorta want me to be a silent character.

HP: Huh. Well, don't forget to remember to email me twice! And The Napkin, please come home!

{The Napkin comes down}

Trivia

 * This is the first time the Sandy 0.4 has been seen deleting an email.

Inside References

 * The scene with The Goblin telling HP how to delete emails is similar to a scene in from work.
 * HP says it's dark all up in here.