The Cheat Commandos Arbor Day Special

“Gunhaver vs. Trees” written by A. Chimendez

Story: The Cheat Commandos rock, rock on in an adventure to stop Blue Laser from cutting down the forest’s trees!

ANNOUNCER: We now return to Cheat Commandos.

GUNHAVER: It’s Arbor Day, and Blue Laser is cutting down the forest’s most precious trees!

FIREBERT: Meh!

CRACKOTAGE: I really want to hug a tree right now.

GUNHAVER: Even my evil twin brother, Gunk Iller!

BLUE LASER COMMANDER: WE’LL CUT DOWN THESE TREES WITH CYCLOPS HOMESTAR!

SILENT RIP: How can we replant thes... Quick! To the Action Figure Storage Truck!

GUNK ILLER: I be illin’!

CYCLOPS HOMESTAR: I wanna eat you!

{Cyclops Homestar eats every Cheat Commando}

FIGHTGAR: Cyclops Homestar has eaten all of us!

GUNHAVER: I have soil that kills Cyclops Homestar!

{Gunhaver fires soil in his gun}

GUNHAVER: What the Crap? It didn’t work?

ANNOUNCER: Blue Las-alert, Kids! Cheat Commandos will be right back after these messages!

{Cut to real-life hands holding coins and peanuts.}

COMMERCIAL GUY 1: {voiceover} Do you make butt at your current job?

{"$BUTT" is stamped on the screen}

COMMERCIAL GUY 1: Do you want to make twice butt?

{Cut to a Cakkalate brand calculator displaying "BUTT X 2" upside-down. It rotates counterclockwise 180 degrees. Cut to the CGNU online e-niversity: "website Coming Soon(ish)!" "Check back after all the bowl games ;)".}

COMMERCIAL GUY 1: A shady online degree is just four clicks away at CGNU online e-niversity.

{Four cursors appear. Cut to a wooden wall. A set of college pennants appear.}

COMMERCIAL GUY 1: Most colleges take four years to complete.

{Cut to a hand with a mouse against a purple background. The hand clicks the mouse button four times, causing the words "FRESHMAN!" "SOPHOMORE!" "JUNIOR!" "SENIOR!" to appear one after the other in increasing font size.}

COMMERCIAL GUY 1: At CGNU, one year equals one click.

{Cut to a mortarboard flying through the air. Cut to Senor Cardgage wearing a blue baseball cap in front of some boxes. His degrees are displayed on the screen as he moves his hand down.}

SENOR CARDGAGE: I got fourteen degrees while on my lunch take. Now I can legally prescribe marriages in the state of Kansattica.

{Cut to a blue background repeating the word "LEGITIMATE". An "(On)line CGNU e-NIVERSITY" medallion with four cursors rolls in. The words "Join the e-NIVERSITY e-VOLUTION e-DAY" appear in a blue font as Commercial Guy 1 says them, along with "Banner ad valorum".}

COMMERCIAL GUY 1: {voiceover} Enroll now, and join the e-niversity e-volution e-day. Uh, well, today. {the word TODAY!!" appears over "e-DAY" in a yellow font} That last one didn't quite work out.

{A swirling background is on screen. Marshie does his "rocket move" and faces the audience.}

MARSHIE: 'Sup, fools? I'm Marshie. Capital "M" and then "arshie"! I'm going this way!

{As he says this, the "M" and "arshie" appear under him. When he goes "this way" the text says "went that way!!!!!!!!!" The screen cuts to a chalkboard.}

MARSHIE: Why eat some other stuff,—

{Different types of food appear on the chalkboard: a ham, a pineapple, a cupcake, a piece of cherry pie, a hot dog, and a martini.}

MARSHIE: —when you can eat—

{Fluffy Puff Marshmallows replace the food items.}

MARSHIE: FLUFFY PUFF MARSHMALLOWS? {Logo appears.}

{Screen cuts to plate of marshmallows.}

MARSHIE: Breakfast,—

{The marshmallows get covered in syrup topped with a pat of butter. A glass of juice appears next to the plate}

MARSHIE: —lunch,—

{the syrup vanishes and a salt shaker (labeled "7") and pepper shaker (labeled "3") are next to the marshmallows, which now have 3 tomato slices on them}

MARSHIE: —munch,—

{Batteries appear around the plate, while the marshmallows have nails stuck in them}

MARSHIE: —and pinner!

{Marshmallows now have a hat and eyepatch on them, and a cigar is next to them. Screen cuts to a pocket.}

MARSHIE: Stuff some in your pockets for—

{The chalk marshmallows go into the pocket. Marshie's voice turns creepy as the following words appear on the screen}

MARSHIE: —secret eating!!!

{Cut to pillow.}

MARSHIE: Hide some 'neath your pillow for sleepy times!

{The marshmallows appear underneath the pillow.}

MARSHIE: Dont'cha like me?

{Scene cuts to The Sad Kids.}

MARSHIE: Kids ask for it by name!

THE SAD BOY: What?

THE SAD GIRL: Huh?

{Penny whistle sounds and Fluffy Puff Marshmallow logo falls down and crushes Sad Kids.}

MARSHIE: 'Sright kids! Go eat'ya some Fluffy Puff Marshmallows! Now try new Fluffy Puff All-Marshmallow Mayonnaise. {Marshie's voice changes to an incredibly weird voice.} Made from the best stuff.

MARSHIE: I'm fluffity. I'm puffity. Six, seven, eight, nine, ten.

BACKGROUND SINGERS: {slightly out of time with Marshie} They're fluffity. They're puffity. One, two, three, four, five.

ANNOUNCER: We now return to the REAL Cheat Commandos!

FIGHTGAR: HELP US GET OUT!