The History of a Runner/1

Chapter 1: The Experiment
Agent H walked down the hallway, head high. His experiment, which had seemed a bit far-fetched at first, was beginning to take shape. He stopped at his colleague's door and gave it a sharp rap. A few seconds later, Agent G opened the door. "Ah...H," he said. "Have they arrived?"

"Yes," H replied. "They're in the Waiting Room right now." He motioned for G to follow him, and began to walk back down the hallway.

H handed G the list of participants in his experiment. It included a newlywed couple, three college-age brothers and their dog, a gym coach, a plumber, the retired CEO of Discounted Videos, an independent film maker, the owner of a local convenience store, and (courtesy of the University of Georgia Hospital) a young man with head trauma. H also mentioned that they had other participants not on the list &mdash; a college professor at the University of Georgia, an athlete competing in the Olympics, and a cashier at the local Safeway. They had offered their participation at the last minute, H explained.

G opened the doors to the Waiting Room. In it were the participants. "Hello," G greeted. "Welcome to the Atlanta Institute for Scientific Studies. We are thankful that you have offered your time to help us with one of our most recent discoveries.  We hope you enjoy your time here.  I am Agent G and this is my partner, Agent H.  Please follow me." G and H started down another hallway. The participants followed.

Margaret Runn, clinging tightly to her husband's arm, asked, "So...what is this chemical that you'll be testing on us...sir?"

"Yeah, and how come you guys are 'agents'?" Beck Strong queried. "Shouldn't you be scientists or somethin'?"

"Well, Mrs. Runn," H started, "The chemical was created by one of our experimentors, a substance that we call Egon Sciuntid. We are hoping that it can be used in the future as medicine, so that's why we need to test it.  As for you, Mr. Strong, the AISS, or 'ayce,' is actually a branch of the government, and all our work is monitored by government officials.  That's why we asked you to not tell anyone what you were doing this week." Beck's younger brother, Samuel, started to feel queasy. Was this really a good idea?

After a few minutes of walking, they finally reached their destination &mdash; a giant wall with doors similar to an elevator's. G walked up, punched in a code, and the doors slid open, revealing a pristine white room.

"This is where you will be staying for the week," G explained ad the participants entered the room Everyone had a look of awe on their face. "For every day you are in here, we ask you to take two teaspoons of Egon Sciuntid, one in the morning and one in the evening. We also ask that you report what you have done that day in the recording devices we have left for you, which will be used for our report on our experiment.  Once the week is up, we will allow you to return to your everyday lives.  Do any of you have any questions?" Nobody said anything.

"Very well then. If any questions come to you at any time during the week, do not hesitate to contact us via the telephone in the Testing Chamber.  Just dial 1-9-8-7 and ask for either me or agent H.  Good day, and we will see you in a week." With that, G and H walked out of the room, the door closing behind them.

Fun Facts

 * Some fun things about Agents G and H:
 * Make a mental note about H's name. I didn't just choose that letter randomly.  It means something.
 * G's, however, doesn't have any significance &mdash; I just chose it because of the G running gag on Homestar Runner.
 * Discounted Videos is a parody of "Discount Flashback Warehouse." It's kinda hard to come up with company names.
 * The location of AISS is important. Then again, you've probably already figured that out.
 * Same goes for the names of the participants.
 * The name of the chemical they are testing is a merged form of the Latin for "I don't know what," Ego non sciunt quid. It was chosen because of the fact that the substance was a mystery, but also to the fact that I couldn't think of anything else to call it.
 * The number you can dial to contact the agents is a reference to the 1987 gag.