Broternal Order Of Different Helmets/Helmet Quest 2

Grindolo has banished the BODH to the middle of nowhere, Honstlar is presumed dead, and the world is about to be destroyed. Free Country, USA's only hope is the Platinum Porkpie, another magic hat with greater power than the Golden Fedora. So it's up to Honstlar and the gang to find the Porkpie, defeat Grindolo, and save the world!

Transcript
{A "SPECIAL" logo appears on the screen and spins a few times as it zooms in. As this happens, it turns from blue to pink.} {Cut to a slow panning-down shot of a dark, cloudy sky. Ominous music plays. A platinum-looking "Helmet Quest II" logo zooms in toward the camera. As the logo continues zooming in, the words "RISE OF GRINDOLO" appear below, accompanied by lightning and a thunderclap. Grindolo can be heard laughing offscreen. The camera then zooms through a hole in the logo, serving as a transition to a black screen, reading:} ANNOUNCER: {voiceover} Prev-iously on Breternal Erder of Differing Hermits. {Cut to the Pillquarters. Grindolo appears.} Who are you? I am the almighty Grindolo! I have come for the purple-clad one. {Cut to later. Grindolo is now wearing the Golden Fedora, and standing next to the Pretender. The BODH are now wearing robot suits resembling The Pretender's.} I wish... Well, we're all gonna die. ...that Honstlar Waddler... Shouldn't we do something? Maybe. ...WAS DEAD! Well, that's all folks! {poofs away} {Cut to later} I wish all of you were on the other side of the world! {What remains of the BODH appear in the desert without their robot suits} Well this is just great. Honstlar is dead, an evil spirit is about to take over the world, and now we're in the middle of nowhere. What are we going to do?! Two things. One, I get my sandwich, and two, We search for the Platinum Porkpie, defeat Grindolo, and resurrect Honstlar! I can't believe I'm saying this, but... TO BE CONTINUED! {Honstlar walks onscreen} Hey, Garbles, I got your sandwich! Honstlar?! Sandwich?! Yeah! Due to the fact that his spirit did not go down below, Grindolo has no concept of dumb animal death. So I got teleported here with you guys. So, what's that about the Platinum Porkpie? {The scene pauses and dims} ANNOUNCER: {voiceover} We now return to the Breternal Erder of Differing Hermits. {The scene lightens and continues} I think we were going to.. find it? Does that sound right? Yeah, that adds up. {The rest of the credits appear on the bottom of the screen like on Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends.} Wait, how are we gonna get back home? : For once, I don't know. {Sniffing noises are heard.} Uh, Garbles, What are you doing? I smell something, something strange. {SRMX12 also sniffs somehow.} He's right! It smells like tobacco. With a hint of beer, and a crapload of coins. Wait a minute, cigars? Cold Ones? money?! I know where we are! {A small cartoon glove on a robot arm extends out of Honstlar's bowler and points at a sign that says "Welcome to Nevada"} We're in the Mojave Deserts! This is great! How is this great? Have you been hiding a gambling addiction this whole time? This is great because we know where we are! We're not even on the other end of the world! But how are we gonna get home? Find a taxi or something, I dunno. Uh, do we even have enough money for a taxi? Let's see, I've got... negative one cent. I got four bucks. $2.56. Well, looks like we're all doomed. Wait a minute... what about that stuff you smelled earlier? What, coins and cold ones? Yes! We can gamble what little money we have at the casino, and maybe get enough to buy a taxi! That could work. Look out, Vegas, Greg is coming, and he's got a system! {The gang speed off} FRENCH NARRATOR: Meanwhile, at the Pillquarters... {Cut to the spot where the Pillquarters once stood, now replaced with a demonic purple castle} FRENCH NARRATOR: I mean Castle Grindolo... {Cut to Grindolo's throne room} Ah, it's good to be an evil warlock ghost. Holla! Wait, who are those guys? Oh. them? Those are the Ungraits. They serve as my loyal army of lackeys. #50! Yeah, boss! Fetcheth me some food. On it! {Walks off} Good, now it is time for us to enact our most evil plan yet! And what's that? TAKE OVER FREE COUNTRY, USA! Ooh, that sounds cool. Uh, why? Then, I will be able to do whatever I want! I will be in control of everything that happens! I will be the ruler of these primitive lifeforms! Plus, it's fun. A'ight then. How do you manage to do that? One moment. Step aside. (Grindolo gets up) KLATTU VERADA NIKTO!!! Of course those are the magic words. So, now Free Country is mine to command. Isn't that great? Yeah! What's going to be your first act as new ruler? Force everyone to bow down to your greatness? Make people serve you as a slave? Make 'em give you their money? Eventually. But I'd like to have a bit of fun first. It's fun to mess with these weak-minded mortals. Good plan, sir. What types of mess-arounds are we talking? I was thinking something along the lines of... making everyone say the worlds from their talkers. Pardon? Talkers. You know, those old soundboard games. Homestar Talker, Strong Bad, Coach Z, all that. Those are only three characters. What about everyone who doesn't have a talker? Ooh. Good point. Hmm... how can I limit their vocabulary to a few words? Any suggestions? Maybe you could make 'em only say words Pom Pom has said! But that's just bubbles. No, I mean, words he's thought or written in cartoons. Wait, has that ever happened? {makes a phone poof into his hand; types} Looked it up on the wiki. On our own universe's wiki? That doesn't sound like it should be possible. Well, it is. Some of the editing is astounding and wonderful. Particularly this gibberish-named fellow. Sounds like a cool guy. He would probably be great at writing episodes of a show about hat-wearers. Anyway, Pom Pom thought "I sure do hate matches" in Pom Pom, Too, and wrote an autographed message in the old Yearbook Character Page, and held a speech balloon in Haunted Photo Booth that says "Why are we in this cartoon?" Ooh, that's not a lot of words. I like it. So, how do we make it happen? The magic words. They have magic words for that? 'Course. {poofs the phone into a book and flips through it} It's right here, under "make everyone say the words from their talkers and make everyone else say words from Pom Pom". That's very specific. AKTA LA ATCHTWEK! {Lightning strikes. Cut to the Field.} Why do we hate? We sure do! I hate this! Are we in cartoon? Matches! Wait... did they manage to CONTEMPLATE WORLD PEACE using only eleven words?! I guess so... Wow, I never knew modern day society would be so strange. {Cut to some shots of Las Vegas that then end on an animated version of the real-life Treasure Island casino.} This is some financially dangerous fun! Well, this is great. I'm broke! Me too. Myself as well. I guess gambling isn't all it's cracked up to be. I think we could all learn an important lesson from this. And what's that? Don't let an evil ghost teleport you to Nevada. What a great lesson. It will help children all across the globe throughout their lives. Uh, guys? Yeah, Garbles? I don't seem to recall any bank heist opening for Penn and Teller. What are you talking about? See that guy over there with the stripes, face mask, and generic dollar sign bag? {Cut to a stereotypical criminal in black and white stripes holding an oversized money bag.} The Robber: Oh crap! {The Robber dashes off.} FOLLOW THAT THE ROBBER! {A Benny Hill/Scooby-Doo chase scene happens that ends with The Robber tripping and dropping the money bag.} Your criminal days are over, The Robber! Wait, his name is The Robber? The Robber: Yeah, so? That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. The Robber: Tell that to my mother. (Pronounced "mudduh") Cop #1: You won't be telling anyone to tell your mother stuff anytime soon, cause you're under arrest! The Robber: Curse you- Wait, who are you people? Just call us: The Broternal Order of Different Helmets! Title drop. {The Robber is dragged away.} The Robber: CURSE YOU BROTERNAL ORDER!!! {A rotund man in a black tux walks in.} Rotund Man: I would like to thank you personally for stopping The Robber, I'm Tim Tallatoo: Owner of the Treasure Island Casino. Tim Tallatoo: Owner of the Treasure Island Casino? Tim Tallatoo: Yup, Tim Tallatoo: Owner of the Treasure Island Casino. You're welcome, Las Vegas Doug Dimmadome! Tim Tallatoo: As a reward for putting a stop to Mr. The Robber's reign of terror, you can keep the money he stole! Really?!?! Tim Tallatoo: Yup. Besides, that bag only makes up 6% of our daily earnings. Have a nice day! Whoa! This has to be, like... more than two cents! Can you believe it? We can buy all the ranch dressing we desire! And a taxi-style cab! No, I wouldn't recommend it. Have you tried ranch dressing on a taxi? The flavors don't go together at all. I'd suggest a helicopter or golf cart. No, I mean to get home. Whaaat? That's a ridiculous idea. How do you plan to get home with ranch dressing? {sigh} Well, all yous guys, I s'pose we'd better skedaddle outta here. {They walk away. Cut to the Review Revue.} SS undefined That casino B-plot was too long! It didn't contribute to the plot. Their plan was too complex, and it didn't even work. That whole robber chase wasn't necessary, and who's this new Timly Tattooine character? {leaning into the frame; speaking quickly} These statements do not reflect the opinions of the Brotherous Hat of Different Hats Club. {Cut back to the BODH, who have found a taxi} Yeah, shut up, Scoutmaster Dumpus! Who are you talking to? Er, nobody. Everybody. Strong Mad. Whatever. Let's get in the taxi. {They do that} Taxi Driver: Where to? Free Country, USA! {The gang get in the taxi.} Taxi Driver: Got it. {The taxi speeds off then we cut back to Grindolo.} Those puny fools of Free Country won't know what hit them when I hit them with my evilest plan as of yet! It's a good thing those helmet-havers are gone for good! I'll never see them again! {Cut to the taxi} Taxi Driver: So, what is Free Country, USA exactly? Is it a state? Maybe a city? Is it a little town, neighborhood? Just a country with "USA" in the name? I'm afraid we don't actually know. Taxi Driver: Well, I'ma gonna need directions if you fellas want to get home. Okay, here, take a left. Taxi Driver: Yeah? No no, no no, now take a right. Taxi Driver: Mm-hm. No no, no no, now take a left. Taxi Driver: All right. No no, no no, now take a left, left, left, and a right— He could probably use some real directions. It's just north of that place south of Free Country, USA. Taxi Driver: Ah, that's it. Thanks! {The taxi stops and the gang gets out of the car.} Taxi Driver: My tip, please! Got it! {Honstlar hands the taxi driver a 100 dollar bill.} Taxi Driver: Have a nice day! {The taxi speeds off.} Um, so only you know where we are? Yeah, Free Country's only north of Corndale and south of Dockoville All: Oh... {They see Homestar, Strong Bad, and Bubs} Say there, guys! We're back! We're not dead after all! I am totally a game! Buh? {Cut to Castle Grindolo} So, is "game" supposed to be an insult or what? Shut it up! I have limited options. Yes, "game" is an insult. {Cut back to the BODH} You are going to Strong Bad! What is he saying? SB undefined I am a total stupid loser! I can beat nothing! Do hate I? Sure, matches! A delicious marshmallow is going to win! I am totally out. Nooooo! It's worse than I thought, Grindolo has given everyone a limited vocabulary! This is awful! Homeschool Winner: I HATE MATCHES! I HATE MATCHES! I HATE MATCHES! I HATE MATCHES! On second thought, this curse has a silver lining That would be what? Absolutely no one will ever burn themselves again? Matches? Sure! {lights himself on fire} Nevermind. But seriously though, what's the silver lining? Homeschool Winner... talking about matches or something? {gets a phone out of his hat} {Cut to the phone screen. Gfd types "http://hrfwiki2.miraheze.org/wiki/Honstlar".} Ahem. {shows Greg the phone} {Cut to the text: "He also doesn't like cringey stuff, Strong Sad's paunch smell, that weasely Homeschool Winner, and not pigeons."} I didn't know you had a phone. Oh, it's not mine. Well, it looks like everyone's vocabulary is limited to a few words, and you know what that means! No, I honestly have no idea. We can roast anybody! And they can't talk back at us! {Cut back to Homeschool} HOMESCHOOL WINNER: I hate matches. So, I hear you aren't very popular with the ladies. {Cut to Strong Bad} Hey, Strong Bad! You are some sort of a horrendous bag! SB undefined Can the guy win nothing? I can beat the stupid loser. Actually, forget what I said about them not being able to talk back at us. Wow. He managed to insult you with only 30 words. That, my friend, is talent. Guys, listen. This is serious. It may be fun now, but will you be laughing in a few years, after seeing all your favorite characters ramble about matches for the rest of their lives? Yes. We need to stop this. Maybe we can break into the HTML code and disable the talkers! Won't work, my friend. The engineer of the universe mixed up Flash with HTML5 and isolated the code into the .swf file. So they're stuck that way forever?! I guess so. Guys! Have you already forgotten the main plot of this movie?! Yes. WE NEED TO FIND THE FLONDING PLATINUM PORKPIE!! Ohh. {offscreen} WHAT did I just hear?! {Pan left to reveal Grindolo has been watching the whole time} Oh! Grindolo! Uh, fancy meeting you here. We didn't... expect you to be... standing behind us, and... um... Yeah, we were just talking about... slow... pitch... racquetball? Yeah yeah! That's totally what we were talking about! So, Greg, how many... racquetball... points... did you score? Oh, just a few. Totally. Totally a few. How are you still alive?! I killed you hours ago! It turns out that, being an immortal spirit, you can't comprehend death. So you just sent us to Vegas. Well, if I can't kill you... then I will trap you in the very cave your ancestor sealed me in 500 years ago! {Grindolo teleports them to the Golden Fedora cave} {echoey voiceover} Have fun dying of starvation! {The cave is sealed.} You just had to open your big mouth! What did you just say about my mouth?! (They start beating each other up.) Familiar Voice: Will you keep it down! I would like to be overthrown in peace! {Cut to the source of the voice} OLMEC!? Olmec: Yeah, in retrospect, I should have used my rock powers of whatever to check if there was an evil spirit a long time ago. Say, Olmy, it's been a while! Can you use your magicalness to get us outta this jam? Olmec: I can't. He stole my power gem! Oh man! Olmec: There is only one hope. Luckily, I think you already were trying to find it. The Platinum Porkpie? Olmec: Bingo. The porkpie can only grant 4 wishes though, no wishing for more wishes either. Crap! OLMEC: But I trust you can use your last wish to defeat Grindolo once and for all. ...Or your first, for all I care. You can count on me! OLMEC: Good. I shall help you during your Helmet Quest— Title Drop 2: The Quickening. OLMEC: —by reciting the cryptic hints from my ancestors when you need them most. That's cool and all, but... why can't you just tell us exactly what to do? OLMEC: Then it would be too easy and the cartoon would be over before we'd reached optimal runtime. Makes sense. Where do we start? OLMEC: Canada. Huh. Never heard of it. Is it anything like Prance? Pretty much the very same. Cool, cool. But how are we gonna escape? Cuz', you know I always come prepared! {Honstlar's bowler opens up revealing a pickaxe that Greg takes} Allow me. {starts striking at the stone seal} Wow. Grindolo was trapped in here for 500 years and he never thought to... you know... break out? I guess he didn't have a pickaxe. No, but he had magic. Hey, stop pointing out plot holes in my show! You almost done, Greg? {strikes through the rock} Done! Next stop, the Great White North! OLMEC: Good luck! {The gang speed off. Cut to the BODH arriving in Canada.} OLMEC: Waddler, can you hear me through your Bowlerphone? Loud and clear! OLMEC: Good! Your first clue is as follows... "Seeketh out ye thy onest who is adorneth by thy maple leaf and Christmas lights. Jones will leadeth yon way." Maple leaf, Christmas lights, Jones...    STINGY RELENQUE! Hold on. Isn't Dangeresque just a movie series? And Stingy Relenque is just Homestar acting in a costume. So how are we supposed to find him if he's not real? {pulls several pairs of sunglasses out of his hat} Here. Put these on. {Cut to a point-of-view shot, looking out at the scenery from someone's eyes. Sunglasses go in front of the camera. Through the sunglasses, the scenery changes to sunset, full of smoky buildings and broken windows.} {Cut to Gfdgsgxgzgdrc, who now appears to be in his Dangergsgxgzgdrc Johnson costume. Honstlar has turned into his Dangeresque variation as well.} Dangergsgxgzgdrc Johnson: Cool, cool glasses! {music sting} No-Armed Bandit: Using my criminal connections, I think I can get on Stingy's good side. Dangergsgxgzgdrc Johnson: Let's test that! {Cut to the inside of Stingy's secret lair. The BODH walk in.} Stingy: Sacre bleu! How did you get past my security system? The No-Armed Bandit: I used a bottle of Pepsi. Stingy: Ah, the No-Armed Bandeet! It's nice to make your acquaintance! The No-Armed Bandit: Ditto, Frenchy. Stingy: But why did you bring Agent Johnson? Dangergsgxgzgdrc Johnson: Because I'm cool! {music sting} No-Armed Bandit: Mm... I wouldn't say so. Dangergsgxgzgdrc Johnson: I'm stealthy! I can be practically invisible. Actually, you're usually the most obvious person in your secret missions. Yeah, you just walk around yelling "I'M STEALTHY!" all the time. Dangergsgxgzgdrc Johnson: I have an electronic swordchuck-machine-gunzooka-grenade! {holds up his weapon} No-Armed Bandit: So do all of us. Yeah, and yours is actually a fake. Dangergsgxgzgdrc Johnson: {his weapon snaps in half} I knew that. You just kinda... get in the way and break things. Dangergsgxgzgdrc Johnson: I do not! {shakes his head, tilting him backwards and hitting a bookshelf, which falls over onto the rest of the BODH, breaking several valuable items} I meant to do that. No-Armed Bandit: Let's cut to the chase. Porkpie! Evil spirit! World destruction imminent! Stingy: Ze porkpie? I'll help you, but you have to help me! No-Armed Bandit: Help you with what? Stingy: Stealing ze Klopman Diamond! All: THE KLOPMAN DIAMOND?!? Dangergsgxgzgdrc Johnson: All right. This sounds manageable. I have a plan. So we start out with 1,200 pounds of lasagna, some knockout gas, a fog machine, and a tripwire. No-Armed Bandit: I get it, so you can distract and safely take down the guards giving us the perfect chance to strike? Dangergsgxgzgdrc Johnson: Exactly! Stingy: I like ze sound and taste of zis plan! Then let's go! {Cut to an interior shot of The Montreal Museum of Art where we see a guard sleeping on the job.} STINGY RELENQUE: {whispering} Is ze trap set? {whispering} Yeppers. {The guard wakes up and follows the scent of lasagna towards the tripwire} GUARD: Ooh, Italian food! {trips on the wire, activating the trap and knocking him out} STINGY RELENQUE: Ze coast, it is toast! {They walk toward Dangeresque's seventh grade locker} STINGY RELENQUE: Onh, vhat ees thees locker doing here? Vee need to find ze diamond! This must be where they keep the diamond. STINGY RELENQUE: Sacre bleu! But how ve're supposed to open it? Even Dahngeresque could never get zees seeng open! Just use a buzzsaw. {his hat turns into a buzzsaw, cutting the locker in half and leaving the diamond intact} Ow, my brains. A word of advice for you guys... do not put a functioning buzzsaw in your hat. STINGY RELENQUE: {takes the diamond} Oh poutine! It worked! Vhy didn't I try that?! We found your diamond, Stingy. Will you help us? STINGY RELENQUE: Onh, oui, cordon bleu! Vhat ees it zat you desire help vees? My sunglasses are getting all foggy. STINGY RELENQUE: Zat doesn't sound very urgent. Jhust vipe 'em up or something. Anyvays, vhat ees— {Gfd takes off his sunglasses and wipes them off with a napkin. Suddenly, everyone is in their normal clothes (but still wearing sunglasses) in the Pillquarters. The diamond has been replaced by a bag of fifty cents.} —delicious marshmallow! I win awesome game! Sure, Homestar, but what are— {Gfd puts his sunglasses back on. Everything returns to the Dangeresque universe.} —Jones Factory! Of course! Sorry, I missed it. What did he say? STINGY RELENQUE: If you go to ze Hot Jhones Factory, you vill find an ally who vill help you vees your qvest. Is this supposed to be a French accent or a German accent? STINGY RELENQUE: Shut it! Shut it up! I'm totally French. Baguette! Who is this ally? STINGY RELENQUE: He's kind of a gold robot bird. Sounds weird, but cool. Thanks, Relenque. Wait, how are we supposed to get there? The same way we came to Canada. And that was... {Crickets} Offscreen teleportation? Well, what are we waiting for? Let's do it again! {Cut to the Hot Jones Factory. Everyone arrives.} We should do that more often! So where is this guy Stingy told us about? Look! Up in the sky! It's a bird! It's a plane! It's a bird! Oh... you guys are right, it is a bird. A robotic gold one, it seems. Hey! That must be the guy! You know! The guy! {yelling} Hey, guy! {The bird swoops down, revealing itself to be...} CROW T. ROBOT!! My hero! CROW: Yeah, yeah, yeah, autographs later. Wait, how did you know where to find us? GUY ON PHONE: I have my ways... {Cut to a shot of Crow on the Sattelite of Love talking on the phone} GUY ON PHONE: {Charlie Brown trumpet noises} CROW: 'Scuse me, I can't understand you. What with all the trumpety-talk. GUY ON PHONE: {muffled english} CROW: Yes. Yes. No. Yes. Maybe. Yes. No. {gasp} How dare you!! {normal voice} Yes. Okay. Yes. Yes. Absolutely not. Yes. {Cut back to Crow in the reservoir room.} CROW: ...And that's how I ended up owning a McDonald's franchise on Pawtucket! That had nothing to do with the question at hand. CROW: Oh right. Stingy called me a few minutes ago. Told me to meet you guys here. Will you help us with our quest? CROW: 'Course! But there's a little favor I need you to do for me first... Yeah? CROW: For as long as I've lived, I've always wanted to make my own film. But I could never find the right actors. You guys... you guys are perfect! Will you help me finally get my script off the ground? Co-creating a movie with Crow T. Robot?! I've dreamed of this day for so long! What's the movie called? CROW: Earth vs. Soup. It's a modernized remake of the classic film from 1987! That sounds great! Wait, where's Garbles? {Cut to inside the Hot Jones Factory, where Gfd is talking to a cashier} 'Scuse me, fellas, ya gots any Joneses? CASHIER: Uh, this is a Hot Jones factory. We have all kinds of Jones. Cold Jones, Warm Jones, Room Temperature Jones, whatever suits your fancy. In that case, I'll take twelve. CASHIER: Beverages aren't a countable noun unless measured in specific units of— I see. I'll have $499.99 worth. CASHIER: {startled} Oh, uh, okay? Here you go. {gives Gfd a mountain of Hot Jones mugs} {Gfd devours the whole thing in one gulp. Pause.} CASHIER: I don't believe it! Even the King of Town would've gotten severalteen days' worth of heart attacks from that! Yeah, I'm like an eating wizard. CASHIER: So how you wanna pay for that? {pulls a credit card from hammerspace and slides it across the card-slidey thing} Best 500 dollars Honstlar has ever spent. {Cut back to the rest} Hey, what happened to my wallet? CROW: Doesn't matter. Just call the movie make place! {activates his Bowlerphone} VIDELECTRIX ONE: You have reached the offices of Videlectrix Films. We use computers to make movies! Yeah, V1, I got a script that may tickle your fancy. VIDELECTRIX ONE: Does it have good graphics? Of course! It's about soup! Liquids make the best graphics! VIDELECTRIX ONE: We're in! {Fax noises} I've sent the script your way! VIDELECTRIX ONE: Say no more, the film is greenlit! Thanks! VIDELECTRIX ONE: Graphics! Say hi to Videlectrix Olaf for me! VIDELECTRIX ONE: Will do! {hangs up} {arrives} Okay, let's get that clue! Hold it, Brother Garbles! We still have some work to do. What work? Oh right, you weren't here. Crow here wants us to remake the classic movie Earth vs. Soup. Well, it can't be too awful. Let's do it! {Cut to a fancy looking logo card for Crow's thing.} Crow: The following film has been paid for in full by the Film Remake Society. {Cut to the dramatic opening shot of a toilet with a top hat smoking a cigar.} Toilet: Don't break your bones, kids at home. {We cut to a black an white closeup of Honstlar with a stereotypical French mustache.} Le poopoo. {Cut to another closeup of Crow with a Tom Selleck mustache} Crow: Le peepee. {Cut to yet another close up of EVG with a goatee} Okay, we get it, facial hair is funny. Let's actually start the remake. {Cut to muted stock footage of Bill O'Reilly ranting.} Bill: Zis iss dah rumuck. {Cut back to EVG} Seriously? {Cut to Honstlar holding up a picture of a hobo.} Le man whose wife has grown tired of his head. Crow: Le man whose life has left him for dead. {Cut to Tom Servo on the SOL reading the same newspaper that Strong Bad reads.} Tom Servo: Hey! {Cut to Honstlar jogging in place.} 1-900-490-FREAK-401-441-141-123-456-FREAK-921-458-111-FREAK-FREAK-775... {Continues in the background.} Crow: I’ll repeat this place for your battery needs: 1, 9, 0, 0, 4, 9, 0, 2, 6, 2, 1, 4- {Cut to the gang watching the film on an old TV.} Most of this movie is just him repeating the number. In every language. EVER. EVEN THE ONES THAT DON'T EXIST. Wait, wasn't this supposed to be a remake of an old movie? Crow: Nah, remakes don't even need to have any connections to the originals nowadays. Have you seen the remake of Prom Night? Oh right. Well, Crow, now that we finished your movie, can you give us the next clue? CROW T. ROBOT: I already gave it to you. {flies off} Crow! No! Don't go! I don't know! We made the show! I have a toe! To and fro! I'll stop rhyming no'! He already gave us the hint? He didn't even say anything. He said a whole buncha things, remember? What did he say to us first? "Yeah, yeah, yeah, autographs later." The first word contains 4 letters. What does it mean? Well, the 4th word he said was "autographs". ...Which is a three-syllable word that starts with A! Just like "anagram"! One of his words must be an anagram! But which one? His next word, "later", implies it must be later in the conversation. Maybe it's the movie title. What's an anagram of "Earth vs. Soup"? Postrush Ave! That must be where the Porkpie is hidden! We need to find Postrush Avenue! {types into the Prisma One} A search for "Postrush Ave" turns up nothing. Maybe it's a secret road. But where's the location? Didn't he say he owned a McDonald's franchise on Pawtucket? That's it! The road is hidden in the McDonald's! But that's impossible. How can you hide an entire road in a restaurant? Maybe the restaurant has a secret passageway. But wheres can we find it? I got it! The first four letters of the phone number in Earth vs. Soup are 1900. 1900 was the beginning of the 20th century. 20 starts with T. You know what else starts with T? "Throw", which ends in W. Flip W upside down, and it's an M! Milkshake starts with M. Therefore, we go to McDonald's, order a milkshake, and the cashier will lead us to the secret road! That's great, but... what flavor milkshake do we need to order? Mango. Whoa! How did you figure that out? I didn't. Just a hunch. Oh. We have to get to Pawtucket as quick as fast! OFFSCREEN TELEPORTATION TIME! {Cut to Grindolo watching the citizens of Free Country} Homegrown ramrod. Stairmaster job, Homestar. Jorearb! Marzipan is totally a delicious marshmallow. SB undefined I am a stupid beat of crap! Uh, boss, why did you make him say "beat of crap"? BECAUSE "PIECE" WASN'T ONE OF THE CHOICES, KILLIAN! Sheesh, sorry for asking. Why are we matches? I sure do hate this! SB undefined I am stupid! Nothing can beat Strong Sad! Uh, Grindolo... I know watching people with a limited vocabulary is fun and everything, but couldn't you be doing more with your magic abilities? Of course. This entertainment is only phase one of my plan. How many phases does this plan have? Roughly 7,256 and a half. Whoa, you've really been planning ahead. What do you want to do with these lower lifeforms next? I'll show you. Can you hand me my book of magic words? {takes a book out of his robot suit and hands it to Grindolo} {flips through the book} Let's see, where's the "make it harder to talk" section? Wow, you're really into making these dumb animal characters speak badly. Oh, here we go! This spell makes everyone say sentences with each word in alphabetical order! Well, give it a try. LACIT EBAH PLA! {Lightning strikes} Bad hey, Strong. Happened our talkwords to what? SB undefined Is this weird, whoa. Can't even I I it's like say want what. Feel I violated. Don't fade I it like my pyorples language to try when, yeah! SB undefined Any Coach easier not to understand, well Z's. SS undefined A character like me must strategically talk words! And be quite understood! SB undefined Wait. Guys. I. Found. A. Loophole. Just. Say. Each. Word. As. A. Seperate. Sentence! SS undefined Hey. You're. Right! Well, they found a loophole. Rats. What if each word was arranged alphabetically? ARGLE BLARGLE MAGIC WORDS! {Lightning strikes again} SB undefined Abemy I dhlnos'tu aehv dfnou ahtt ehllooop. Ay hiknt? SS undefined It is almost an effort, access ace accent! SB undefined Ehy, ahtt asw eprtty doog. BWA-HA-HA! We'll just leave them like that for a few hours and watch the chaos ensue. Then we'll move on to the next speech impediment... This is fun. {Cut to a McDonald's in Pawtucket} We would like one mango milkshake please. EMPLOYEE: Gasp! That's the password! Follow me to the secret passageway. {They go to the back of the restaurant and through a large door that leads to a jungle with a road in the middle} EMPLOYEE: Here it is. Postrush Avenue, the road to the final clue. {leaves} Thanks, McDonalds! Now let's go find that clue! We'll follow this black asphalt road! Follow the black asphalt road! Follow the black asphalt road! {The road leads to a jungle} Hey look, a jungle. I wonder what's inside. {They start going in} Probably onions... And timers... And chairs! Oh my! Onions and timers and chairs, oh my! ALL: Onions and timers and chairs, oh my!